Home
Categories
EXPLORE
True Crime
Comedy
Society & Culture
Business
Sports
Health & Fitness
Technology
About Us
Contact Us
Copyright
© 2024 PodJoint
Loading...
0:00 / 0:00
Podjoint Logo
US
Sign in

or

Don't have an account?
Sign up
Forgot password
https://is1-ssl.mzstatic.com/image/thumb/Podcasts116/v4/57/4d/e0/574de0c6-4753-dfcf-4ea6-8ffdc3d50219/mza_12989228691745494659.jpg/600x600bb.jpg
Distorted View Daily
Tim Henson
250 episodes
4 days ago
Celebrating 20 Years of featuring the worst the Internet has to offer! Everyday DV showcases the weirdest stuff from around social media, the web, and the world. WTF audio, bizarre news stories, and NSFW comedy. A Podcast for freaks - leave your morals at the door and laugh at the inappropriate. Audio and video too extreme to go viral, the very worst of fanfic, interviews with strange and wonderful freaks, and outrageous news stories you won't find in the mainstream media.
Show more...
Improv
Personal Journals,
Comedy,
Society & Culture,
Relationships
RSS
All content for Distorted View Daily is the property of Tim Henson and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.
Celebrating 20 Years of featuring the worst the Internet has to offer! Everyday DV showcases the weirdest stuff from around social media, the web, and the world. WTF audio, bizarre news stories, and NSFW comedy. A Podcast for freaks - leave your morals at the door and laugh at the inappropriate. Audio and video too extreme to go viral, the very worst of fanfic, interviews with strange and wonderful freaks, and outrageous news stories you won't find in the mainstream media.
Show more...
Improv
Personal Journals,
Comedy,
Society & Culture,
Relationships
Episodes (20/250)
Distorted View Daily
A Four Alarm Booty Call!



On Today’s Show:



00:00:00Text DV: 442-479-2868 (4-HAIRYCUNT)00:18:08 Introduction01:47:24 Popper Sex / Emptying Your Bowels06:34:19 Bizarre Sex Toys: Sticks Of Butter / Pencils / Furby’s10:18:10 Pro MAGA UFC fighter Turns His Back On Trump16:01:03 A Fat Mermaid Plays Victim Under The Sea20:23:05 Are Borax Enemas A good Idea? Answer: No24:42:00 Support The Distortion26:05:00 A Four Alarm Booty Call29:57:23 To Kill A Coachroach, The Whole Neighborhood Must Also Fry34:09:08Voicemail/Text: 206-666-4463 / Ending




Today’s Sponsor:




Promo Code: FREAK Save 50% + Free Shipping And Gifts | Coupon Code “FREAK” at checkout! Adam&Eve






Our New PO Box Address!



Distorted ViewPO Box 36268Cincinnati, OH 45236








* Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463



* Support Distorted View – Check out our Patreon page



* Get Exclusive Episodes Every Week – Become A Member Of The Distorted View Sideshow!







Show more...
4 days ago
42 minutes 3 seconds

Distorted View Daily
Cum Allergies & Other Seasonal Ailments


🩸 Episode Summary
Tim checks in with a quick update and assures listeners he’s not dead—just perfecting the latest steaming pile of mediocrity. While waiting for the brand-new DV episode later in the day, he dusts off a Halloween-themed best-of filled with demonic campaign ads, horny ghost lovers, rapping vampires, and Vincent Price dropping witchy acid.

🔥 Featured Segments
👿 Satan Speaks — A Devil’s PR CrisisLouis Richard Marigold III (aka “the mainstream media’s Satan”) sets the record straight: he’s not running Halloween, just Hell’s crumbling infrastructure. Plus, his underworld bowling team “Dante’s Pinferno” and a campaign for City Water Commissioner.
💀 The Clip Keeper Presents:Tim introduces DV’s pun-spouting horror-host, the helium-voiced Clip Keeper, who curates some “spine-tingling, taint-prickling” clips—including…


👻 Ghost Fucking — Amethyst Realm’s Paranormal Romance:The UK woman who claims she’s had sex with 20 ghosts, joined the Mile-High Club with one, and is now engaged to be hand-fasted to her spectral fiancé.


🧛 Dracula Learns CAD:A real corporate rap from the 1980s in which Dracula hawks ECAD’s “Dracula CAD System.” Tim and the Clip Keeper remix it into an Autodesk Fusion 360 endorsement that somehow slaps.


🍄 Vincent Price Loses His Mind on Mushrooms:From Witchcraft and Magic, Vincent instructs listeners on how to summon the devil—complete with Ethiopian giants, two-legged rabbits, and a fragrance launch called “Foul Effluvium.”



💩 Distorted News Highlights


Ghost Bride Update: Amethyst Realm is officially engaged to her Australian spirit boyfriend after a proposal in Wookey Hole Cave.


Saudi Scat Parties: Hotel staff spill the beans (and other substances) about super-rich guests leaving luxury suites smeared in feces.


Spoiler Stabber: A Russian scientist in Antarctica stabs his colleague for repeatedly revealing book endings—the first attempted-murder charge on the continent.



📞 Voicemail Mayhem
Listeners sound off on:


The 90s SEGA! scream and unnecessary jingle changes.


Sensitivity culture vs. satire.


A blind caller advocating for a chlorinated gene pool and discussing cum allergies.Tim responds with his usual mix of disbelief and filthy empathy.


.



Today’s Sponsor:




Promo Code: FREAK Save 50% + Free Shipping And Gifts | Coupon Code “FREAK” at checkout! Adam&Eve






Our New PO Box Address!



Distorted ViewPO Box 36268Cincinnati, OH 45236








* Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463



* Support Distorted View – Check out our Patreon page



* Get Exclusive Episodes Every Week – Become A Member Of The Distorted View Sideshow!







Show more...
5 days ago
43 minutes 44 seconds

Distorted View Daily
Strip-Club Skeletons And Malaria Water With A Lemon Twist



On Today’s Show:



Presented by https://www.oldglory.com— Over 300,000 items for music, sports, entertainment, and pop-culture fans. Use promo code FREAK for 15% off (exclusive to DV listeners).







Episode Summary



Tim kicks off the week with a fresh Mead Skelton meltdown (now blaming “lemon water” and demons for his colitis and rapid weight loss), a substitute teacher who vlogged her first—and last—day on the job, a doorman vs. tenant blow-up caught on camera, a MAGA streamer screaming into a megaphone no one can understand, and Florida’s latest neighborhood crisis: pole-dancing skeletons. Plus: a DV listener sponsor whose new book asks you to root for a serial killer who targets porch pirates.







Listener Sponsor



Isaac — The Porch Pirate Killer (novel)A darkly comic thriller about a serial killer setting bait packages for thieves. Isaac hid a DV Easter egg inside—find it and report back! Available on Amazon. (Link in “Stuff Mentioned.”)







Today’s Menu




* Cold Open: “The Struggles of a Tranny” (archival Yeast Radio guest clip sent by Madge Weinstein)



* Mead Skelton Health & Diet Update:

* Claims lemon water (left out for days) + demons caused an ER trip and “colitis.”



* Talks GERD/vagus nerve; Tim counters the medical nonsense and notes the obvious: when the sickness fades, the donuts return.



* Repents for gluttony (again), credits prayer (again), and rewrites COVID history (again).





* Education Is in Trouble (Exhibit A):

* Lesbian sub films students and herself all day for TikTok (Skittles & Gatorade “teacher breakfast,” band parade, thirsting over a student on camera), says she “lets them do whatever they want.” Fired the same day.



* Reddit teacher chimes in: districts are desperate for subs; “pulse + clean record = hired.”





* Lobby Meltdown:

* Tenant storms a building, calls the doorman “retard,” threatens to kill him, smashes his phone—yet cops also charge the doorman. Tim sides with Team Doorman and wants case updates.





* MAGA Streamer vs. Volume Knob:

* Pro-ICE rally guy beefs with police over noise; delivers word-salad through a megaphone (decodes to: “MAGA,” “libtard,” and “butthole”).





* Linda Finkel Hall of Fame Nominee:

* Lil Bougie and his Publix-parking-lot anthems (“ran through, pussy bald, yes I call her Caillou”). Disgusting, profane—and undeniably catchy.










Quick Hits / News Nibbles




* “North” Mexico: A syringe-in-toilet Walmart scare in northern New Mexico (pink liquid, inconclusive tests). Tim’s skeptical this was anything more than urban-legend cosplay.



* Florida, You Beautiful Mess:

* Pole-Dancing Skeletons Halloween display sparks HOA pearl-clutching. No nudity, no rule violations; neighbors divided between “harmless fun” and “think of the children.”










Sideshow & Support




* Tomorrow: Full-length Sideshow-only episode. Join at superfreaksideshow.com (monthly, quarterly, semi-annual, yearly, or lifetime).



* Patreon: patreon.
Show more...
1 week ago
49 minutes 1 second

Distorted View Daily
Hentai Pornstar Pokemon Cards As A Form Currency



On Today’s Show:



Cold Open




* Listener voicemail: A DV “bloody tampon” story got played during an NYU class for a creative-writing analysis. The prof called it “well-written,” everyone else gagged. 🩸📚




Sponsors & Support




* Quantum Energy Squares — 10g protein, 100mg caffeine. Code: FREAK for 25% off at QuantumSquares.com.



* Listener Sponsor: Raphael (again!)—this time with the correct link. Mission: highlight “Hood Legend D,” the shirtless “gourmet” with the eternal low-battery smoke alarm.




Main Segments



1) “Gourmet Out of Nothing” (…from a can)




* Feature: @tismala_hoodlegend_d (reads as tismala_hoodlegend_d) and his “gourmet” builds:

* Chef Boyardee ravioli → rice → eggs = “S-plus gourmet.”



* “Red pea soup” that is… clearly canned baked beans on a plate.



* Grand claims: “Deal diabetes. Cure cancer.”





* DV Bits: Low-battery smoke alarm detector mode; shirtless “industrial kitchen” critique; wheeze-and-moan supercut a.k.a. Obesity Express: choo-choo to congestive heart failure.



* Links: Creator profile & a couple “gourmet” clips (see episode post).




2) Mom Check-In ❤️




* Patricia Henson phones in from rehab; working on leg strength and mobility, doing better, hopes to go home when cleared. No Craigslist personals… for now.




3) Mugshot Mayhem 🚔💦 (Content warning: slurs, bodily fluids)




* Bodycam moment: Bald white woman (single giant hoop earring) at booking threatens to pee during photo—then does.



* Officers warn; she answers with repeated slurs and “white n—–” riffs while watering the red line.



* DV Note: The whole show is a trigger warning, but… consider yourself warned.




4) Baby Andy Update 📞🍼




* Now in a group home; calls 911 for directions to the station to file a complaint about the police.



* Claims crossing streets is unsafe “because disability.” Nearly gets hit mid-call.



* Classic Andy: Wants help exactly the way he wants it—or everyone’s violating his rights.




5) Keanu Close Call 😬🚗




* Outside a theater: A self-proclaimed “divine wife” lunges for Keanu’s car door.



* Security takes her down; Keanu wheels away. DV diagnosis: celebrity worship + tackle physics.




6) “Who’s White?” with Nick Fuentes 🙄




* The internet’s least fun anthropology class: Nick declares Ukrainians aren’t white, so by that logic… Italians aren’t either.



* DV counters: If Ukrainians “aren’t white,” neither is Fuentes. Also: deportation tangent speedrun → Israel → nothing answered.




7) Crazy Bizarre Twist-’em-Ups (News)




* AI Gun Detector vs. Doritos Bag (Baltimore Co.)

* School’s OmniLert AI flags a folded Doritos bag as a gun; cops arrive with weapons drawn on Taki Allen (16).



* “Rapid human verification” somehow misses the nacho dust. Counseling offered; trust eroded.





* Hunky Murderer, Hentai Cards, & World Travel

* Luigi Mangione (charged in the UnitedHealthcare CEO shooting) backpacked Japan/Thailand/India in spring ’24 to “zen out.”



Show more...
1 week ago
55 minutes 8 seconds

Distorted View Daily
Bleach Demons, Butt Breathing, And Size XL Death Fat



On the Show Today:




* 💩 Around the world in 80 scat clips



* 😭 Mead Skelton’s tear-soaked livestream and demonic tree hallucinations



* 🍔 King Ass Ripper returns with a mayo-soaked food binge



* 🛏 When your smart bed tries to roast you alive



* 🍑 The medical marvel of butt-breathing



* 💿 Plus: a CPS-hating SoundCloud dad, fat-privilege categories, and one emotional farewell to DV’s very first sponsor








🕯 Farewell to a Legend: Adam & Eve’s Final Blowout



After 15+ glorious years of dildos, anal beads, and promo code FREAK, Adam & Eve is ending its long-running sponsorship of DV. Tim takes a moment to grieve the relationship the only way he knows how — with a Boyz II Men-style ballad about lube, cock rings, and love lost. It’s the end of the road… but not before one final 50% off farewell sale.







🧻 Mead Skelton’s Breakdown: Demons, Bleach, and Talking Trees



Listeners begged for a recap of Mead’s meltdown, and Tim obliges. The livestream featured tears, rambling about Charlie Kirk’s shooting, phone calls from “the devil,” and pleas to the 700 Club prayer line. Mead insists he’s a “brave knight” battling Satan; Tim suggests maybe he’s just hungry—or possessed by a “weight-loss demon.”







🍔 King Ass Ripper Returns



The gluttonous legend resurfaces, bigger and greasier than ever. In a mayo-drenched trilogy of clips, the King devours McDoubles, whole chickens, and chili dogs while covered in condiments and surrounded by bewildered park-goers. Tim crowns him today’s Featured Image Pig of the Day.







⚖️ Fat Privilege 101



A “body-acceptance” panel introduces “fatigories” like small fat, mid fat, super fat, and death fat. Tim sorts the participants into “troughs,” mocks the idea of “fat privilege,” and plugs Serbia’s unregulated Ozempic knockoff, Jetra Ubratsi (“liver crack”), as a miracle weight-loss cure with the small side effect of bone flaking.







🧠 News Roundup: Smart Beds & Butt Breathing




* Amazon Bed Apocalypse: When AWS went down, $2,000 “smart” mattresses started cooking their owners alive. Tim calls them “human hot dogs on a 7-Eleven roller grill.”



* Rectal Respiration: Scientists in Japan are testing oxygen enemas. Butt breathing is real, and Tim volunteers his rear for medical advancement “rectally speaking.”








🎶 DV Musical Moment



Tim serenades Adam & Eve with a breakup power ballad (“Fuck Me Again Like You Fucked Me Before”) and a teary rendition of End of the Road. Promo code FREAK has never sounded so emotional.







☎️ Listener Calls




* Itchy Tank recommends testosterone supplements for stronger ropes.



* Tim admits some fast-food chains are “dead to him” for bad service, but one perfect Taco Bell remains a pilgrimage site.



* The Sex Offenders Ghostbusters parody makes a nostalgic encore.








💩 Today’s Scat Sampler (Blame German Guy)



Per sponsor request, Tim screens “non-German” scat porn featuring Don, a self-proclaimed pervert and a man extracting “little nuggets.” Rapid-fire, deeply horrifying, and all in the name of artistic integrity.






Show more...
1 week ago
52 minutes 29 seconds

Distorted View Daily
Blasphemous To The Future



Sponsor: ⁠Quantum Energy Squares⁠ — 10g of protein, 100mg caffeine. Use code FREAK for 25% off.



On Today’s Show:



00:00:00Sponsor: QuantumSquares.com – Get 25% Off With Promo Code FREAK00:19:20 Introduction02:21:11 What The Hell Does This Listener Sponsor Want?03:26:08 The Wheel Of Misery Returns07:39:11A New DV Number To Remember: 4-HAIRYCUNT12:34:06 Let’s Time Travel To Murder Jesus29:26:24 QuantumSquares.Com – Protein And Caffeine Packed Delicious Squares30:48:01 Goon Out With DV – Support The Show32:57:22 Gas Pumps Make A Great Asshole Scratcher37:53:18 Legal Sized Toilet Paper!41:43:15Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending



🧠 On Today’s Episode:







🎡 Episode Summary



Tim kicks off the week with chaos, caffeine, and a spin of the Wheel of Misery after listener Rafael’s incomprehensible sponsorship note. The punishment: Ten Annoying Voices Throughout the Episode. From shrill grannies to Macy Gray ducks, no eardrum is spared.



Meanwhile, Tim unveils Distorted View’s brand-new text line experiment, a saga involving vanity numbers like 4 DICK FARTS and 4 HAIRY CUNT, which ultimately turns out to be a completely unnecessary purchase thanks to modern phone routing. Still, it’s DV — so it’s staying.



Then, the show spirals into the religiously absurd as Tim reviews the 2022 Christian sci-fi disasterpiece Black Easter (a.k.a. Assassin 33 A.D.) — a film where time-traveling geniuses go back to gun down Jesus Christ. Expect commentary on Jason Castro’s acting, Heidi Montag’s atrocious accent, and the miraculous resurrection of pure cinematic stupidity.



The insanity doesn’t stop there: Tim dissects viral TikToks about gas pump butt-scratchers, bacteria-covered nozzles, and Charmin’s new “Forever Roll” of toilet paper — a Washington Monument–sized log wipe for the truly faithful.







🕹️ Segments



• Wheel of Misery ReturnsRafael’s incoherent sponsor request forces Tim to punish the freaks with ten rounds of auditory hell. “Annoying Voices Throughout the Show” is born.



• New DV Text LineTim’s quest for the perfect vanity number results in 4HAIRYCUNT — later revealed to be totally pointless after migrating the existing Oh God voicemail line. Still, it’s a DV classic in the making.



• Movie Review: “Black Easter / Assassin 33 A.D.”A Christian film so deranged it’s almost perfect for DV. Tim walks through the plot:– Time travelers kill Jesus with guns.– Jesus is cloned in the future.– A scientist named Ram Goldstein exists.– Heidi Montag dies instantly after predicting a miracle.– The Antichrist rises, presumably named Mead Skelton.A five-star page-turner, as Tim puts it.



• Gross TikTok NewsA woman witnesses a man scratching his crusty asshole with a gas pump nozzle. Tim questions her horror — and whether she might just be jealous of his technique.



• Charmin’s “Forever Roll”Tim investigates the new 1,700-sheet roll of TP, mocking its “smooth tear” marketing and challenging himself to devour the roll in two weeks.







🧠 Notable Quotes




“Jesus can turn water into wine — not stop a speeding bullet.”— Tim, defending the physics of Christian cinema





“Four Hairy Cunt might be useless… but it’s a business expense.”— Tim, rationalizing poor life choices





Show more...
2 weeks ago
49 minutes 45 seconds

Distorted View Daily
Halloween Trick-or-Treat Pussy



Sponsor: Old Glory — use code FREAK for 15% off at OldGlory.com



On Today’s Show:



00:00:00 Awesome Pop Culture Apparel – OldGlory.Com  PROMO CODE: FREAK00:17:09 Introduction02:02:03 Listener Sponsor – Clamp Down On That Tit Audio06:08:20 Racist Drunk Nurse Loses Her Job12:20:13 Alexyss K Tylor Talks About Halloween Pussy20:26:05 Parking Lot Fight24:58:18 Psycho Bitch Valentina Gomez Tries To Rap27:10:19OldGlory.Com Get 15% Using Promo Code FREAK28:30:13 Sign Up For The Sideshow!29:58:15 Creating A Fake Man To Sexually Assault You33:44:07 AI Suggests We All Do Heroin38:06:22Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending



🧠 On Today’s Episode:



On Today’s Show




* A Houston ICU nurse gets a DWI and goes full Racist Nurse Ratched in the back of a squad car—then gets canned.



* Alexis K. Tyler’s latest live: generational drama, GWP (grown-woman pussy), “jack-o’-lantern” Halloween energy, and… uh… spirits in the crotch.



* Parking-lot standoff: too-big truck, too-small patience, zero solutions.



* Valentina Gomez drops an “America First” rap (chorus written by a placeholder).



* Two AI messes: a Florida “virtual rape” hoax with an AI-generated attacker photo, and Reddit Answers telling people to try kratom… and even heroin… for pain. Great job, robots.



* Bits & bobs: a dramatic AI “rape” radio play, laundry snitching via LG Wi-Fi, Lord Douche’s overnight cannonball run from FL → Cincinnati.





Content warning: NSFW language, sexual content, racism, and general DV-level filth.








Listener Sponsor Ask: Help Wesley!



Wesley is looking for:




* The industrial-grade fuck-machine clip (he thought 9/24/25 ~15:00—probably wrong ep).



* The porn star who says, “Baby, I just came my face off so hard.”



* The movie containing: “You clamp down on that dick and you bite it off!” — likely a 1970s sexploitation/blaxploitation/horror scene with a sadistic, simple-minded captor forcing a couple to have sex.




Know any of this? Email show@distortedview.com with links, titles, timecodes.







Main Segments



1) Body Cam Gold: “Greater Heights, bitch.”




* Houston ICU nurse crashes, rides the back seat, and unspools: “I’ll let you die,” “I’m white,” accent insults, Jesus hymns vs. hallelujah blaring.



* Outcome: Employer Memorial Hermann Greater Heights terminates; DWI charge; “under review.”



* DV verdict: Racist, drunk, and very employable… elsewhere.




2) Alexis K. Tyler’s Psychic Carousel




* Themes: younger dudes, GWP, pizza-delivery decoys, multi-gen triangle drama, black magic, and “spirits in the pussy.”



* Classic AKT quotables: “Halloween trick-or-treat pussy,” “multi-generational cock and balls,” trance-state snake-pussy gyrations.



* Confusing? Yes. DV-worthy? Absolutely.




3) Parking Lot War (No One Moves, Everyone Yells)




* Oversized truck noses past the line, blocks a load-in, ethnicity discourse ensues, pit bull is threatened as a negotiating tactic.

Show more...
2 weeks ago
50 minutes 21 seconds

Distorted View Daily
Artificial Intelligence, Genuine Erection



On Today’s Show:



00:00:00 Introduction00:00:00 Wednesday Movie Matinee00:18:14QuantumSquares.Com Get 25% Off With Promo Code FREAK00:38:04 Introduction02:07:18 Today’s DV Listener Sponsor: Brandon!03:06:17 What Is your Masturbation Number?06:27:00 Tim Henson Fit N’ Lean10:39:13 Big Douche Is Watching My Appliance Usage 15:30:04 Trans-Wheelchair User Tips And Tricks19:48:22 Andrew Cuomo Gets Heckled21:51:01 Parking Lot Altercation Gets Racist26:38:01QuantumSquares.Com – Promo Code: FREAK – 25% OFF28:37:17 Sign Up For The Sideshow!30:02:10 ChatGPT Will Get Real Nasty With You Soon33:35:17 Stabbing At The Checkout Lane38:28:10 Jordan Peterson Thanks Today’s Sponsor39:36:11Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending



🧠 On Today’s Episode:




* Masturbation for Science!Tim checks to make sure his dick’s still operational. It’s all about male health and quality control, folks.➤ “Sometimes it’s not about pleasure—it’s a systems check.”



* Confessions of an Old Lady WalkerTim celebrates a massive weight loss milestone (70 pounds!) and the thrill of fitting into decade-old “large” shirts again. Sadly, Lord Douche still won’t let him do laundry without internet surveillance.



* Air Fryer AnarchyWhen Lord Douche leaves town, Tim rebels by cooking salmon in the air fryer. Somewhere in Florida, a man screams.



* Becoming a Cripple (For Fun!)A deep dive into “trans wheelchair users”—able-bodied people who identify as disabled. Tim explores their tips for faking ailments and the strange world of subliminal paraplegia playlists.



* Cuomo’s Comeback DisasterFormer New York Governor Andrew Cuomo’s mayoral announcement goes about as well as you’d expect when the crowd’s screaming “rapist” and “homosexual.”



* Parking Lot Pile-UpTim breaks down a viral confrontation between a Trump-hatted white guy and a black woman blocking two parking spots. Spoiler: everyone’s an asshole.



* OpenAI Gets HornyChatGPT is finally allowed to generate erotic content for verified adults. Tim’s thrilled. “I’m going to break ChatGPT in December.”



* Stabby at MarshallsA woman in Kearny, New Jersey buys kitchen knives mid-argument and uses them to stab another customer over slow checkout lines. Tim sympathizes—he almost went “stabby” at Kroger himself.





Today’s Sponsor:




Promo Code: FREAK Save 50% + Free Shipping And Gifts | Coupon Code “FREAK” at checkout! Adam&Eve






Our New PO Box Address!



Distorted ViewPO Box 36268Cincinnati, OH 45236








* Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463



* Support Distorted View – Check out our Patreon page



* Get Exclusive Episodes Every Week – Become A Member Of The Distorted View Sideshow!







Show more...
2 weeks ago
44 minutes 51 seconds

Distorted View Daily
Mystery of the Upper Butthole



On Today’s Show:



Sponsor: Good Feels THC-infused seltzer — use promo code FREAK for 20% off at shop.getgoodfeels.com (21+)



00:00:00Get 20% Off! Promo Code Freak – Shop.GetGoodFeels.Com00:16:07 Introduction03:01:13 Mom Made It Through Her Surgery – BUT AT WHAT COST? RIP Diane Keaton04:29:22 Mom’s Last Meal – KFC: Featuring A Slobbering Ghoul12:07:03 Cleveland Clinic Observations17:10:00 My Brother’s Extra Hole Revelation22:47:14 DV Listener Sponsor: Brokeback Listener24:01:19 Did A Teach Sing A Racist Birthday Song To A Black Student?29:13:11THC/Cannabis Infused Seltzer – Get 20% Off – PROMO CODE: FREAK / Shop.GetGoodFeels.Com30:37:13 Sign Up For The Sideshow!31:55:00 When Winning The Lottery Goes Wrong37:35:18 Police Stand Off Ends With An Ice Cream Party!!!41:33:05 DV Listener Sponsor Request – Acting Out His One Page Play45:51:20 Voicemails / Ending




* Which one of Tim’s siblings has a… bonus hole?



* Why winning the lottery might be the fastest way to wreck your life



* A police standoff settled with a Dairy Queen Blizzard



* “Helping a duck get away with murder” (a dramatic reading!)



* Voicemails galore




Cold Open / Soundboard Chaos



A vintage-style talk-radio mashup veers into conspiracy screeds, culture-war nonsense, and extremely ill-advised “solutions,” before we kick into DV proper.



Tim’s Life Update: Mom & the KFC Gauntlet




* Patricia update: Successful thyroid/lymph node surgery at Cleveland Clinic (huge relief). Big kudos for their signage, workflow, and real-time status board/text updates.



* Rant: Cleveland Clinic eateries = wall-to-wall “zero sugar” sodas, while everything else is sugar bombs. Make it make sense.



* KFC mobile order hell: Tim vs. “ghost-town” staffing, a mobile order held hostage behind the counter, and the frailest customer in Ohio wheezing through the lobby. Tim’s patience (and germ avoidance) are tested; the chicken ultimately reaches Patricia.




Family Waiting-Room Confessional: “Bonus Hole” Brother




* Craig casually drops: “Dad said I was born with a tail… also I kinda have an extra hole.”



* Tim Googles live on the scene: likely sacral dimple (usually harmless if shallow; red flags if deep, draining, painful, or hairy). Possible pilonidal situation if it’s a deep pit; worth a doctor’s look.



* Tim really wants to “examine” the evidence; nearby stranger nopes out of the conversation.




DV Listener Sponsorship: A One-Page Play



Sponsor: “Brokeback Listener” (long-time DV degenerate since 2008)Bit: Tim performs “Rogering Mrs. Rabbit” as Timmy Hopps with Rodder Pay portraying Lord Duck.Premise: Love, crime, and a three-foot murder weapon in a shrub. Also: moral calculus between a promised BJ and a $1.5M reward. Theatre is alive and well, unfortunately.



Today’s News Buffet




* The Curse of Sudden RichesA UK scratch-off winner hits ~£1M+, quits the job, parties nonstop, and ends up hospitalized with bilateral pulmonary emboli. Near-death wake-up call → vows to rebuild routine and health. Tim’s advice: if you “only” win ~$1–2M, live below your means and keep structure.



Show more...
3 weeks ago
52 minutes 39 seconds

Distorted View Daily
Aunt Flo-rida Makes The Tampons Rain



On Today’s Show:



1) Brad Carter Prank-Crimes… featuring “Tim Henson from Distorted View”




* Snow Plow Show Ep. 889: “The Dings Are Never Ending.”



* Brad keeps name-dropping Tim during fake “dinged your car” calls in Cincinnati, alleging Tim was handcuffed to a side mirror and tried to Slim-Jim a car for loose change.



* Callers threaten lawsuits; Brad doubles down by repeating “Tim Henson… Distorted View.”



* Tim’s take: thanks(?) for the promo, but also: I’M NOT INVOLVED, YOUR HONOR.



* (Tim will link the Snow Plow Show episode in the post.)




2) Bodycam Gold: “I Work for an Alarm Company… I Don’t Have a Job”




* Bank calls cops on a kid trying to cash a $7,000 check; says a guy named “Cuba” mailed it.



* Can’t recall the company, deletes the DMs, sudden nausea on command, asks if he’s going to jail (answer: probably).



* Charged with passing a forged check; $5,000 bond. Tim’s verdict: Steven Seagal-tier acting.




3) Stephen Dawson vs. The Photoshoppers




* Furious rant about people pasting faces onto his body and vice versa; threats, sputters, and accusations of garden-hose bum play (denied).



* Tim: “Strong words from a very agitated Stephen.”




4) Tay-Tay’s “Good Wood” (Satire, calm down, Swifties)




* Fake-news pop desk: Taylor’s album “The Life of a Showgirl” includes a cheeky track “Wood.”



* Tim premieres his parody earworm: “Good Wood.”



* Lyrical themes: Redwoods, keys opening thighs, ‘amatized’ (allegedly).



* Additional faux-feud gossip with Charli XCX (tongue-in-cheek).




5) Bizarre Crime: “We Love Jesus” Kidnapper Sentenced




* UK case: James Beckett (38) abducts two kids for 18 hours, forcing chants like “We are safe / We love Jesus.”



* Rants about 13 months in a year, energy protection; strands them in rural Devon after running out of gas.



* Recognized from a police appeal; arrested; later pleads guilty.



* Sentence: 12 months (serve ~40%), 5-year restraining order.




Quickies




* Dyslexic fireman ironically starts a fire.



* Tim dusts off the Access Entertainment Hollywood News Insider Report Extra Edition stinger (RIP half the celeb list).








Community & Voicemails



Today’s hotline is basically Unicorn Hamster FM:



Rando caller scolds Unicorn; Unicorn calls again. (Circle of life.)inds the Discord he’s posted lingerie pics (uh… join responsibly).



80s video store nostalgia: “Video Dimensions / Video Haven / Video Paradise” vs. Tim’s Starlight Video (no porn room!).



Gaming future & VR porn: Cartridges dying? AR glasses if they stop looking like bug-eyed ski masks. Tim’s Meta Quest collects dust—except for that one demo with Lord Douche.



Chinese buffet field report: authentic background muzak.



Self-promo king: Unicorn Hamster reminds the Discord he’s posted lingerie pics (uh… join responsibly).




Today’s Sponsor:




Show more...
3 weeks ago
37 minutes 25 seconds

Distorted View Daily
Taylor Swift Got Dickmatized By That Good Wood



🌿 Show Sponsor



Today’s episode is brought to you by Good Feels, the THC-infused seltzer that keeps you mellow without the hangover. High-flavored sips for a feel-good buzz. Zero calories, zero sugar, zero alcohol—just promo code FREAK for 20% off. https://shop.getgoodfeels.com/







On Today’s Show:



1) Brad Carter Prank-Crimes… featuring “Tim Henson from Distorted View”




* Snow Plow Show Ep. 889: “The Dings Are Never Ending.”



* Brad keeps name-dropping Tim during fake “dinged your car” calls in Cincinnati, alleging Tim was handcuffed to a side mirror and tried to Slim-Jim a car for loose change.



* Callers threaten lawsuits; Brad doubles down by repeating “Tim Henson… Distorted View.”



* Tim’s take: thanks(?) for the promo, but also: I’M NOT INVOLVED, YOUR HONOR.



* (Tim will link the Snow Plow Show episode in the post.)




2) Bodycam Gold: “I Work for an Alarm Company… I Don’t Have a Job”




* Bank calls cops on a kid trying to cash a $7,000 check; says a guy named “Cuba” mailed it.



* Can’t recall the company, deletes the DMs, sudden nausea on command, asks if he’s going to jail (answer: probably).



* Charged with passing a forged check; $5,000 bond. Tim’s verdict: Steven Seagal-tier acting.




3) Stephen Dawson vs. The Photoshoppers




* Furious rant about people pasting faces onto his body and vice versa; threats, sputters, and accusations of garden-hose bum play (denied).



* Tim: “Strong words from a very agitated Stephen.”




4) Tay-Tay’s “Good Wood” (Satire, calm down, Swifties)




* Fake-news pop desk: Taylor’s album “The Life of a Showgirl” includes a cheeky track “Wood.”



* Tim premieres his parody earworm: “Good Wood.”



* Lyrical themes: Redwoods, keys opening thighs, ‘amatized’ (allegedly).



* Additional faux-feud gossip with Charli XCX (tongue-in-cheek).




5) Bizarre Crime: “We Love Jesus” Kidnapper Sentenced




* UK case: James Beckett (38) abducts two kids for 18 hours, forcing chants like “We are safe / We love Jesus.”



* Rants about 13 months in a year, energy protection; strands them in rural Devon after running out of gas.



* Recognized from a police appeal; arrested; later pleads guilty.



* Sentence: 12 months (serve ~40%), 5-year restraining order.




Quickies




* Dyslexic fireman ironically starts a fire.



* Tim dusts off the Access Entertainment Hollywood News Insider Report Extra Edition stinger (RIP half the celeb list).








Community & Voicemails



Today’s hotline is basically Unicorn Hamster FM:



Rando caller scolds Unicorn; Unicorn calls again. (Circle of life.)



80s video store nostalgia: “Video Dimensions / Video Haven / Video Paradise” vs. Tim’s Starlight Video (no porn room!).



Gaming future & VR porn: Cartridges dying? AR glasses if they stop looking like bug-eyed ski masks.
Show more...
3 weeks ago
47 minutes 54 seconds

Distorted View Daily
Mr. Terminator’s Swan Genocide: A Love Story



🌿 Show Sponsor



Today’s episode is brought to you by Good Feels, the THC-infused seltzer that keeps you mellow without the hangover. High-flavored sips for a feel-good buzz. Zero calories, zero sugar, zero alcohol—just promo code FREAK for 20% off. https://shop.getgoodfeels.com/







🎙️ On Today’s Episode




* Frankie the Antisemitic Vampire:Frankie McDonald rises from the dead—fangs in, brain out—as he delivers what might be the most unholy weather report ever recorded. Tim gives his take on “cancelled Frankie” and imagines what his antisemitic vampire manifesto might sound like.



* Sagittarius Shawty vs. the Johns:Your favorite plus-size Canadian escort is back with another tale of canceled clients, scam accusations, and sexual restrictions galore. Tim analyzes her customer service skills (or lack thereof) and gives a hilarious “how to be a better prostitute” masterclass.🐰 Featuring: the infamous rabbit that’s always “shitting everywhere” and why Sag refuses to offer water to guests.



* Hate Preacher Meltdown:From an Indianapolis pulpit comes a fiery sermon that starts with Jesus and ends with homicidal homophobia. Pastor Stephen Falco declares war on “zombies and faggots” while professing his deep love for children a few too many times. Tim speculates on his inevitable Dateline future and nominates him for “Predator of the Year.”



* Animal Cruelty Monday!Two stories of wildlife gone wrong:

* A California man accused (wrongly?) of decapitating a sea lion and carrying off the head in a bag.



* A black swan nicknamed “Mr. Terminator” wreaks havoc on Stratford-Upon-Avon’s iconic mute swans, forcing authorities to relocate him.Tim explores the racial politics of swans, Shakespeare’s possible involvement, and plays the “black swan enters the pond” sound effect.





* DV Hotline Calls:Listeners report booger-eating on public buses, Meade Skelton’s bowel updates (“feeling better!”), and Tim’s ongoing gym membership saga—complete with government conspiracy theories about the death of the “Easy Cancel” bill.








💬 Sponsor Shoutouts



DV Listener “Your Little Honey” – Today’s episode is sponsored by the Canadian queen of classy chaos herself. Requested “Canadian content,” so Tim delivered with Sagittarius Shawty, Frankie McDonald, and a side of maple-flavored filth.




Today’s Sponsor:




Promo Code: FREAK Save 50% + Free Shipping And Gifts | Coupon Code “FREAK” at checkout! Adam&Eve






Our New PO Box Address!



Distorted ViewPO Box 36268Cincinnati, OH 45236








* Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463



* Support Distorted View – Check out our Patreon page



* Get Exclusive Episodes Every Week – Become A Member Of The Distorted View Sideshow!







Show more...
4 weeks ago
42 minutes 48 seconds

Distorted View Daily
The Prolapse Cannoli



On Today’s Show:




* 🎶 A Sweet Transvestite Goes SourA listener favorite returns with a disastrous cover of Rocky Horror’s Sweet Transvestite. It’s more “sweet fistite” than sweet transvestite.



* 🍰 The Prolapse CannoliHunger FF’s latest creation: whipped cream, a prolapsed asshole, and one very hungry bottom. Yes, there’s video.



* 🛒 Motorized Cart Grand Theft AutoFlorida woman takes a Publix scooter joyride down Airport Road in Punta Gorda, claiming it was her ride to a medical appointment.



* 🎃 Monster Gangbang (AI Remix)Kicking off Halloween season with a re-imagined version of Tim’s “Monster Gangbang” song—turned listenable thanks to AI.



* 🕹️ Proximity Chat in VR HellMore chaos in the furry corners of VRChat, where Proximity (posing as Axel) gets accused of being… Proximity. Blacklists, bar drama, and virtual Press Your Luck sets included.



* 🔢 Tamir vs. 11,000He hates Emma Watson, now he hates the number 11,000. Nobody knows why, least of all Tamir.



* 📡 Tony Chase vs. The Satellite ManHe’s still insisting the government is spreading his teeth with laser beams. Alexa refuses to back him up.



* 🇺🇸 September 11th Tribute Song (24 Years Late)A soulful but baffling 9/11 ballad drops in 2025. Tim gives it the Britney Spears AI remix treatment.




Listener Sponsorship



Today’s episode is sponsored by DV listener Yay, who had a very specific request: let Rod Urpay handle the Sideshow ad read. Mission accomplished. Want to sponsor a DV episode? It’s only $25!



Watch: Proximity Chat Cause Mass Pandemonium










Today’s Sponsor:




Promo Code: FREAK Save 50% + Free Shipping And Gifts | Coupon Code “FREAK” at checkout! Adam&Eve






Our New PO Box Address!



Distorted ViewPO Box 36268Cincinnati, OH 45236








* Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463



* Support Distorted View – Check out our Patreon page



* Get Exclusive Episodes Every Week – Become A Member Of The Distorted View Sideshow!











Show more...
1 month ago
47 minutes 41 seconds

Distorted View Daily
Lesbians Brutalized By a Drive-By Farting



On Today’s Show:



Tim kicks off October with one of the most sadistic “Test of Patience” bits yet—an extended, soul-crushing string of parody covers of Cherebra Venti’s viral 2015 anthem “I Don’t Know.” Every possible genre gets the treatment: Top 40 pop, ska revival, throat singing, nu-metal, redneck country, even a Christian praise remix where “Jesus” gets tacked onto every filthy lyric. If you make it through the full barrage, congratulations—you’re officially broken.



Outside of musical torture, today’s show delivers a buffet of weirdness:




* A lesbian couple claims they were victims of a fart-based hate crime at the grocery store. Spoiler: it wasn’t Matthew Shepard-level trauma.



* An entitled mom thinks the world should worship her screeching eight-month-old at a restaurant. Tim strongly disagrees.



* Charlie Kirk’s death inspires one of the worst Linda Finkel Hall of Fame songs ever. It’s earnest, tuneless, and uncomfortably Jesus-y.



* In Florida (our most fucked up state), a man slaughters and pan-fries his pet peacocks just to spite his neighbors. Another Sunshine State freak gets busted for AI-generated child porn.



* The legendary Penis Man graffiti tagger strikes again—only this time, cops finally snag the culprit.




The show closes with Tim reflecting on songs that take you back, bizarre listener voicemails, and his traumatic middle-school bus crash set to the soundtrack of Duran Duran.







Segments & Highlights



Closing Torture: An indie-folk stomp-clap remix of I Don’t Know (because of course).



Cold Open: Radio Caldessaville drives you insane with endless covers of “I Don’t Know.”



DV Audio Clips:



The “lesbian fart hate crime” TikTok meltdown.



Mom justifies baby-screaming in restaurants.



Linda Finkel Hall of Fame: Cringe tribute to Charlie Kirk’s death.



News of the Weird:



Florida man fries peacocks.



Florida man arrested for AI-generated child porn.



Tempe’s newest “Penis Man” finally caught.



Listener Voicemails: Crack rock Mario music, Davide’s Jewish wish stopping the rapture, and a trip down Timmy Boo’s memory lane.




Today’s Sponsor:




Promo Code: FREAK Save 50% + Free Shipping And Gifts | Coupon Code “FREAK” at checkout! Adam&Eve






Our New PO Box Address!



Distorted ViewPO Box 36268Cincinnati, OH 45236








* Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463



* Support Distorted View – Check out our Patreon page



* Get Exclusive Episodes Every Week – Become A Member Of The Distorted View Sideshow!











Show more...
1 month ago
47 minutes 9 seconds

Distorted View Daily
Polyamory, Poly-Felony In The Double Wide Trailer Of Domestic Horrors



On Today’s Show:



Tim kicks off the week with: a cheeseburger-fueled stabbing, a trailer-park throuple meltdown, Starbucks as culture-war Thunderdome, and Trump signal-boosting an obviously fake “med bed” AI video using his own fake voice. Plus: a brief (good!) mom/cancer update, UK listeners trolling Tim into doing UK content, a cyclist shoved into a canal, and rubberneckers tailing a London knife fight. Voicemails close out the show.







Program Tease (Cold Open)




* Local news clip: Son allegedly stabs mother over a cheeseburger — Virgie Dean details how her 6’3”, 300-lb son didn’t get a Raleigh’s burger and things escalated into choking and a butcher-knife attack.








Tim’s Life / Ongoing Bits




* Mom Update (Short but important):

* Thyroid cancer (the aggressive kind) has shrunk significantly after treatment; scans described as “remarkable.”



* Surgery scheduled: Wednesday, October 8 (shorter shows that week; Tim pre-recording to avoid interruptions).



* Tim’s running joke: Mom, a vampire succubus/planet-eater, is extending her life by absorbing celebrity souls (RIP Hulk Hogan, Theo, etc.) and, in Tim’s new theory, Charlie Kirk’s as well. All hail Patricia.





* British Sponsor Fatigue: Third UK listener in a row to sponsor and request all-UK content. Tim rants about how hard it is to source daily UK freakery, then butchers British slang and threatens a full Brit-only show (he won’t).








Main Rants & Segments



Starbucks = Where Cunts Get Coffee




* Clip #1: “Say His Name” Lady

* Customer orders using “Charlie Kirk” and films staff, demanding they call out the full name.



* Staff quietly hands her the drink; she insists on a name call; spirals into a self-filmed free-speech sermon and promises a Substack “good review” she wrote before the incident.



* Tim’s take: performative politics + weaponized customer service; he’d rather they just hand him the cup than shout his name.





* Clip #2: “This Place Is Dirty!”

* Woman, likely not a customer, audits a closing crew’s work; returns at 5am to berate morning staff about a dirty entry mat; invokes freedom of speech and race repeatedly.



* Tim flashbacks to the legendary “Accuser of the Brethren” Christian meltdown (“you motherf— accuser!”).










Headlines / News You Can’t Unsee




* Florida Throuple Breakdown (Summerfield, FL):

* Poly triad detonates; Devin Driscoll (26) tries to boot her ex-BF and ex-GF from a $172,500 double-wide her mom bought.



* Porch scuffle → Driscoll allegedly strikes ex; gets shoved; takes a stair tumble; arrested for misdemeanor domestic battery; no-contact order issued… awkward, since they all lived together.



* Tim: if your combined income is ~10k/month, why are you in a trailer? (Cue housing-price rant and memories of growing up in a themed Spanish Matador double-wide.)





* Trump & the “Med Beds” AI Video:

* Trump shares (then deletes) a fake Fox / Lara Trump segment with AI Trump promising a Med Bed Card for every American, rolling out miracle healing tech.



* Tim: either grandpa forgot he didn’t say this or he’s juicing a scam; “next step is the deposit link and your SSN.”



Show more...
1 month ago
57 minutes 26 seconds

Distorted View Daily
Jesus Is an Ugly Crier (And Sorry About That No-Show Rapture)



Today on the Show




* 🎵 World Premiere: Meade Skelton debuts the official Distorted View song (with a historic “fucked up” from Meade himself)



* ✝️ Rapture-palooza: TikTok prophets, crying-Jesus channelers, and post-September-24th cope



* 🧪 Liquid Ass Attack: A fart-spray fiend costs a school district ~$55k



* 🎄 AI Smut Ornaments: Mickey & Minnie (and friends) get extremely non-canon for Christmas



* 🧈 Classic Replay Request: Lars’ pick — the Butterbell / Lord Douche OCD saga



* ☎️ Voicemails: Bidet Day reminder, “beneficiary” vs “beneficial” vs “benefactor,” and Discord shenanigans








Cold Open & Setup




* Kool-Aid neighborhood dispute escalates from “who mixes it best” to a literal gunfight, bullets in wrist and butt, and the kind of local news live-shots that make Timmy Boo proud.








Segment 1 — The Rapture That Wasn’t




* Origin: A South(ern) African pastor time-boxes the Rapture for Sept 23–24, 2025; TikTok reposts make it go boom.



* Prepper Energy™: Laminated “Left Behind” index cards (do not take the mark), Bibles & candles shopping sprees, porch-watch parties waiting to see neighbors float.



* Crossover Crazies: New-Age “Council of Light” voice meets evangelical prophecy. One creator channels a sobbing Jesus—paranoid, scolding, and name-checking Charlie Kirk.



* Aftermath: Apology-ish videos (“I was deceived”), watchmen doubling down (“don’t give up hope”), and an associate pastor passing the buck.



* Bonus Grift Watch: GodsMoney.info + a Charlie Kirk coin freebie (Tim diagnoses: toxic ink, priceless cancer).




Pull Quote: “Jesus Palooza was allegedly a two-day event—gotta keep the heavenly traffic orderly.”







Segment 2 — World Premiere: Meade Skelton — “Distorted View Daily”




* Requested “Yankee Doodle” vibe ✅



* Meade’s show synopsis via song: bodily functions, outcasts, heathens, quaaludes, and “crazy, bizarre, twisted, fucked up news.”



* Historic moment: Meade says ‘fucked’ on-mic.



* Tim’s director’s commentary mid-play; full uninterrupted track closes the show.



* Hopes for future Meade cuts (harder anti-Tim gay-hell anthem? Chicken Tetrazzini cameo secured.)








Segment 3 — AI-Generated XXX Ornaments




* TikTok ads push customizable ornaments of beloved IP doing unspeakable things (Mickey/Minnie, Beast/Belle, Jack/Sally, Grinch x Grinch, Stitch & “Angel”).



* Copy highlights butt-licking slogans (“I licked it so it’s mine”) + name personalization.



* Site looks scammy; reports range from “worst thing I’ve bought” to “arrived but smells like chemicals.”



* Tim’s verdict: You’ll likely receive a flat printed disc, not the glossy 3D thing in the ad; proceed if your tree is already 100% depravity-themed.








Segment 4 — Liquid Ass at School (Florence, SC)




* Alexander Lewis (32), a teaching assistant, allegedly sprays fart/feces odor around campus (Aug 25–Sept 19).



* Fallout: Headaches, nausea, dizziness, asthma flares; district spends ~$55,000 on inspections/HVAC.



Show more...
1 month ago
1 hour 6 minutes 9 seconds

Distorted View Daily
Why Is My Sperm Hole Twitching?



On The Show Today:




* 🌀 Why is my sperm hole twitching? — New research suggests the first buttholes were sperm shooters, not poop chutes. Vindication for the gays!



* 🦴 Beef Bone Mania Returns — Our morbidly obese, Christ-fueled “bodybuilder” rises from the ashes to perform “squats” with a five-pound bone. Comments section goes biblical.



* ✝️ Charlie Kirk’s AI Resurrection — After being shot in the neck, evangelicals can’t let him rest in peace. Instead, they whip up cringe AI sermons where Kirk urges followers to “kick queers in the groin” and buy Chili’s combos.



* 🍳 Breakfast with Alexis K. Tyler — A simple mother-son meal turns into a masterclass on how to “snatch panties off and fuck a bitch into submission.” Parenting done right.



* 🎥 Oklahoma Nip Slip Scandal — Turns out the “porn” shown at the State Board of Education wasn’t porn at all — just Jackie Chan movie nipples. Calm down, Oklahomans.



* 🎶 Mead Skelton Watch — Mead has composed a brand-new DV theme song. You’ll hear it Friday. (Yes, I paid him upfront. No, I shouldn’t have.)



* 📞 Your Voicemails — From sad, wet callers locked out in the rain to reflections on the golden age of DV.




Plus:



What defines the “eras” of Distorted View? (Hint: all of them are terrible).



Implantable sleep apnea devices vs. CPAP masks.



GLP-1 shots as the perfect scam: insurance-funded weight loss!




Today’s Sponsor:




Promo Code: FREAK Save 50% + Free Shipping And Gifts | Coupon Code “FREAK” at checkout! Adam&Eve






Our New PO Box Address!



Distorted ViewPO Box 36268Cincinnati, OH 45236








* Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463



* Support Distorted View – Check out our Patreon page



* Get Exclusive Episodes Every Week – Become A Member Of The Distorted View Sideshow!











Show more...
1 month ago
47 minutes 24 seconds

Distorted View Daily
The Ghost With the Most (Pussy Squirt)



On Today’s Show:




* Craigslist Courtship, Cheryl-Style: Cheryl Murkowski recites a very real, very caps-locked personal ad. Spoiler: please have all your damn teeth.



* Principal on Crack? A Pennsylvania middle school principal goes full meth-head philosopher at a community event, screaming about socks while students film. Paid leave never looked so easy.



* Porn Beetlejuice Becomes Pussy Juice: A high-production-value porno parodies Beetlejuice, except it’s Pussy Juice. Yes, she squirts. No, the ending makes no sense.



* First Class Freakout: A Trump voter bum-rushes a plane, plops her ass in first class, and refuses to touch her own bag. Cue the cuffs, whining, and threats to sue.



* Linda Finkel Hall of Fame: Rediscovering Final Placement’s “Shine,” a catastrophic Mary Tyler Moore ripoff that proves some bands really should stay in final place.



* Shooter Scandal: The man accused of killing Charlie Kirk was allegedly deep into furry porn games like Furry Shades of Gay. He may also have been into forced-feeding porn. Bad news for everyone—furries, gays, trans people, gamers, crocheters.



* Call Your Boss a Dickhead (Once): A UK tribunal rules that an office manager unfairly dismissed for calling her bosses “dickheads” gets her job back. You get one free insult, folks.








Plus:



Tim contemplates a queer/trans/furry exile country (pedos not invited).



Listener sponsorship from Unsafe Volvo Gal (with a side of Stephen Dawson content).



Voicemails about ass-wiping techniques, weight-loss injections, porn-on-laptops during doggy style, and one very pissed bed partner.




Today’s Sponsor:




Promo Code: FREAK Save 50% + Free Shipping And Gifts | Coupon Code “FREAK” at checkout! Adam&Eve






Our New PO Box Address!



Distorted ViewPO Box 36268Cincinnati, OH 45236








* Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463



* Support Distorted View – Check out our Patreon page



* Get Exclusive Episodes Every Week – Become A Member Of The Distorted View Sideshow!











Show more...
1 month ago
44 minutes 5 seconds

Distorted View Daily
Chub Rub in the Magic Kingdom



On Today’s Show



Cold Open / Fake Ads



Hooligans / Hoolihans/ Hannigan’s / Lannigals / Bannister’s / Bennigan’s: Caldessavilles drunkiverse expands (speed pukatoriums, propane “napalm kamikazes,” AA chip trade-ups, full-contact bowling, DUI derby).



Tim’s Life / Ashtabula Update



Mom doing “as good as could be expected”: infection/“water on the brain” cleared; scan shows significant shrinkage and no spread in the thyroid. Next week: return trip for the doctor consult and next steps.



Programming note: shows may be shorter, but no planned “Best Ofs.”



Feature Segment: Plus-Size Park Hoppers



Account that tests Disney/Universal rides for 2X–5X bodies (teacups, lap-bars, test seats, “omni-mover” platforms).



New frontier: Can we even fit in the restaurant chairs? Armchairs vs armless, half-booths, hostess hacks.



Monetization moment: “chub-rub” balm spawn-con.



Tim’s running gags: gunt vs. lap bar, “4X/5X problem rides,” “two fatties per cup = longer lines,” and the very American need for test carts.



Rapid-Fire Audio Bits



Rep. John Bryant: “This bill legalizes sawed-off shotguns.” → Tim pivots to pro–sawed-off shart-guns.



McDonald’s Drive-Thru Freakout: Gold Sauce denied → gold-standard meltdown.



Man vs. Robotaxi: Construction worker fights a Waymo’s cone phobia (“Drive, motherf*****!”).



News Buffet



Florida, Our Most F*ed-Up State:** Rage-bait content creator allegedly terrorizes neighbors with a stick, traffic-blocking, and slurs—arrested; “content strategy” fails basic cost-benefit analysis.



China Hot Pot Piss Case (Update): Two 17-year-olds who peed in a Haidilao broth pot ordered to pay ~$309k; parents nailed for failed guardianship; company’s over-comp payouts deemed voluntary; “tainted broth” becomes Tim’s new band name.



Sideshow & Support



Sideshow: 2 full exclusives this week; mini bonus segments resume next week.



Patreon: $5+ private voicemail line; $20+ occasional swag (stainless travel mugs in flight).



Listener Sponsorships: $25 via PayPal; backlog to be cleared next week.



Voicemails (Patron Line First)



Leeloo (Gen Z Envoy): Aloofness = defense mechanism vs creeps; also some people are just… not interesting.



Unicorn Hamster: Coffee spit-take over Tim’s Batman aside; suggests keto; Tim’s “running” confession and Sonic smash-burger relapse.



Octavia’s Theory: Is Lord Douche = Rod Herpe? Evidence: “Rod” inside “Lord,” Latino lore, omnipresence. Jury = DV listeners.



Hachi Machi: Anti-Mead tirade; Tim notes Mead may be writing a DV theme (for $25) — send lyric/bit ideas.




Today’s Sponsor:




Promo Code: FREAK Save 50% + Free Shipping And Gifts | Coupon Code “FREAK” at checkout! Adam&Eve






Our New PO Box Address!



Distorted ViewPO Box 36268Cincinnati, OH 45236








* Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463



* Support Distorted View – Show more...
1 month ago
53 minutes

Distorted View Daily
Mysteries of the Easily Explainable



On Today’s Show:



Emotional Support Beverage asked for a replay of DV from August 30, 2013—the one with Tim’s drunk-lady rant and a Vianetta aside for the ages. Tim opens with context on the long, weird history of the fancy-not-fancy ice-cream loaf (MIA in the U.S. back then; back on shelves in the late 2010s—availability varies), then rolls the tape.



Cold Open / Trailer Trash




* Blaxploitation trailer: Dark Town Strutters



* Tim riffs on the genre’s naming “rules” and pitches new titles (on purpose over the line—classic DV bit).




Main Bits (2013 episode)




* Apocalypse Sounds? Nah, Trains.Viral “sky trumpets” from small-town British Columbia → Tim debunks with rail yard audio and launches the book series no one asked for: “Mysteries of the Easily Explainable.”



* Raymond 14 → Raymond 20 check-in.Graduated… from something. New bedtime: 2:50 a.m. Tim prescribes “even retards need a schedule” (yeah, it’s DV) before things get serial-killer-adjacent.



* Backless-hoodie horndog.A new Tonetta-tier weirdo: drag, lash bricks, public foot-filming, and lots of whispered “I have to come now.” Tim vows to post the video and pursue an interview.



* Turn It Up (suicide-awareness) campaign.“One million minutes of noise” = Tim imagining getting spit-hooded out of Walmart for banging pots in line.



* Song Roast: Big Sean ft. Nicki Minaj — “Dance (A$$)”From ass, ass, ass to “kiss my ass and my anus,” Tim begrudgingly crowns it DV’s unofficial theme while coining “top cunt.”




News That Will Rot Your Soul




* Texas: 74-year-old found on a couch in excrement, covered in ants. Adult Protective Services looped in; Tim wonders why the neighborhood watch has to become a squalor-spotting squad.



* Bakersfield, CA: Man with a ~200-lb abdominal tumor (fibrous, vascular) starts multi-stage removal; hospitals couldn’t even fit it in an MRI. Tim: “Only 170 lbs to go!”



* Spartanburg, SC: Melissa Nava, blackout drunk, calls a deputy “Justin Bieber,” spits, earns a spit hood and charges (disorderly + bodily fluids). Tim imagines Vianetta at a rodeo and breaks himself.




Voicemails / Community Circus




* Dominant older male wanted: “submissive nasty ____ with no limits” leaves Tim considering a very special first lunch date.



* Panty politics: Straight male freaks salty that RoyKillerWar keeps getting underwear tributes.



* DV social layer: Tim previews new distortedview.com with profiles, DMs, and groups (NSFW links, Linda Finkel HoF, etc.).



* From-Nowhere, Alberta: Lonely dude seeks Lady Freaks; Tim’s working on making the meet-cute possible.



* Naughty Nipples (Near-Dead Adjacent): Life-insurance bequest idea: $10k to DV if he croaks. Tim: morally conflicted… but not that conflicted.



* RoyKillerWar on TV: People’s Court taping; Tim coaches maximum Roy—“be yourself” (and maybe breakfast on drugs). Hopes for a DV shout-out; wardrobe can’t advertise.



* Spiral Hamfucker: Drive-by about Gaga art, Eminem, and mustard sandwiches—because DV.




Support the Show



Rate & Review: iTunes/Apple Podcasts helps more weirdos find us.



Sideshow: More shows, longer shows, exclusive shows—SuperFreakSideShow.com



Hotline: 206-666-4463 (206-66-O-GOD) — New freaks encouraged to call.



Show more...
1 month ago
48 minutes 41 seconds

Distorted View Daily
Celebrating 20 Years of featuring the worst the Internet has to offer! Everyday DV showcases the weirdest stuff from around social media, the web, and the world. WTF audio, bizarre news stories, and NSFW comedy. A Podcast for freaks - leave your morals at the door and laugh at the inappropriate. Audio and video too extreme to go viral, the very worst of fanfic, interviews with strange and wonderful freaks, and outrageous news stories you won't find in the mainstream media.