On The Show Today:
* 🌀 Why is my sperm hole twitching? — New research suggests the first buttholes were sperm shooters, not poop chutes. Vindication for the gays!
* 🦴 Beef Bone Mania Returns — Our morbidly obese, Christ-fueled “bodybuilder” rises from the ashes to perform “squats” with a five-pound bone. Comments section goes biblical.
* ✝️ Charlie Kirk’s AI Resurrection — After being shot in the neck, evangelicals can’t let him rest in peace. Instead, they whip up cringe AI sermons where Kirk urges followers to “kick queers in the groin” and buy Chili’s combos.
* 🍳 Breakfast with Alexis K. Tyler — A simple mother-son meal turns into a masterclass on how to “snatch panties off and fuck a bitch into submission.” Parenting done right.
* 🎥 Oklahoma Nip Slip Scandal — Turns out the “porn” shown at the State Board of Education wasn’t porn at all — just Jackie Chan movie nipples. Calm down, Oklahomans.
* 🎶 Mead Skelton Watch — Mead has composed a brand-new DV theme song. You’ll hear it Friday. (Yes, I paid him upfront. No, I shouldn’t have.)
* 📞 Your Voicemails — From sad, wet callers locked out in the rain to reflections on the golden age of DV.
Plus:
What defines the “eras” of Distorted View? (Hint: all of them are terrible).
Implantable sleep apnea devices vs. CPAP masks.
GLP-1 shots as the perfect scam: insurance-funded weight loss!
Today’s Sponsor:
Promo Code: FREAK Save 50% + Free Shipping And Gifts | Coupon Code “FREAK” at checkout! Adam&Eve
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