In today’s video, I discuss how to change your perspective on the past.



Read or watch below to learn how to change your perspective on the past so you can find more peace and clarity in your relationship.









Zachary Stockill: If you’re struggling with unwanted, intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past, there’s a good chance part of you feels like something about it is imperfect.



Maybe you wish you had met your partner earlier in life—or something along those lines. If that sounds familiar, you’ll probably want to watch today’s video.



My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships.



If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one or want to learn more about what I do, please click here.



If you’re new here, retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts, obsessive curiosity, and what I often call “mental movies” about a partner’s past relationships or sexual history.



You might experience one of those symptoms, or you might deal with all three—but that’s basically what we mean when we talk about retroactive jealousy.



To start today’s video, I’m going to read a comment from a viewer of this channel.



He writes: “I’m incredibly jealous of the fact that I’ve missed my partner’s youth. I feel like I’ve missed out on her best years—and the chance to have children with her—especially when I think about how most of her ex-partners didn’t truly appreciate her.”



So first off, in responding to this, I have to lead with empathy.



Of course. It’s completely understandable to feel like you wish you had met your partner a little earlier in life.



Maybe you wish you hadn’t dated your ex.



Maybe you wish your partner hadn’t dated theirs.



It’s easy to fall down that mental rabbit hole.



You start wondering how things might have been different if you’d met each other sooner.



But when you’re struggling with retroactive jealousy, it’s important to remember—it’s not really your partner’s past that’s bothering you.









It’s the story you’re telling yourself about those events.



It’s the meaning you’re assigning to them.



It’s the significance you’ve built around them.



It’s the story—not the actual events themselves—that’s causing the pain.



So, to the person who shared that they wish they had met their partner earlier in life, remember this: at the core of that feeling is an unhelpful story you’re telling yourself.



And just to be clear—when I use the word “story,” I’m not being dismissive or judgmental. I mean it literally.



The way we move through life—and ideally, toward something better—is by telling ourselves stories.



Everything we think about the past is just a version of a story.



Very little of it is objectively true.



In fact, the story we’re telling ourselves about the past is probably not true in any factual sense—it’s just a story.



So if we’re holding onto a story about the past that isn’t necessarily true… then we have to ask: is that story helping us, or hurting us?

In today’s video, I discuss how to handle the question: Are you in the wrong relationship or is it retroactive jealousy?



Read or watch below to learn strategies for dealing with doubts and figuring out if it’s the wrong relationship or retroactive jealousy.









Zachary Stockill: When you’re having unwanted, intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past, it’s easy to get stuck wondering if you’re in the right relationship.



You might question whether the issue is really yours or if retroactive jealousy means it’s time to move on.



In today’s video, I’ll share some thoughts to help you figure out if you’re in the right relationship while dealing with retroactive jealousy.



My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve helped thousands of men and women around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and strengthen their relationships.



If this is your first time here and you want to learn more about what I do—or if you’re interested in working with me one-on-one—please click here.



Retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted, intrusive thoughts—often obsessive curiosity or what I like to call “mental movies”—about your partner’s past relationships, or their sexual and dating history.



You might struggle with just one of these symptoms, or all three.



But in essence, that’s what we mean when we talk about retroactive jealousy.



So how can you separate the mental noise caused by retroactive jealousy from real concerns about your relationship or your partner’s values?









Let’s get into it.



My first tip is to look beyond the retroactive jealousy itself—how do you feel about your partner when those intrusive thoughts aren’t taking over? How do you feel about their past when your mind is quiet?



Of course, emotions can go up and down—but healthy relationships are built on real trust, genuine love, a deep sense of safety, and a shared desire to grow.



You should feel like you’re moving forward together, both as individuals and as a couple.



If you’re not feeling that, it might be a sign that this isn’t the right relationship for you.



So pay attention to how you feel when your mind is calm and you’re feeling grounded.



In those moments, how do you truly feel about your partner and their past?







My second tip is to get clear on your core relationship values—what really matters to you in life and in love.



Ask yourself these questions when you’re not overwhelmed, but centered and calm.



Do you and your partner share complementary or compatible life goals and values? Do you feel respected, heard, and supported? Is there a real sense of mutual trust and emotional safety between you?



A good relationship isn’t about perfection—because no relationship is perfect—but it is largely about alignment and feeling like you’re growing in the same direction.



Alignment of vision and values really matters.



Another important tip is to check for consistency versus chaos.



Healthy relationships offer emotional steadiness—you feel safe, supported,

In today’s video, I discuss what it means to avoid love to avoid retroactive jealousy—and whether that mindset truly helps you heal



Read or watch below to learn strategies for navigating the mindset of trying to avoid love to avoid retroactive jealousy.









Zachary Stockill: If you’re a man dealing with retroactive jealousy, and you’ve faced it in more than one relationship, it can be tempting to think, “You know what? I’m done with women…



“I’m done with relationships and commitment—because every time I let someone in, I end up getting hurt.”



So you might think, “I’ll just keep things casual from now on—maybe for the rest of my life.”



If that thought has ever crossed your mind and you’re struggling with retroactive jealousy, today’s video is for you.



My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve helped thousands of men and women around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships.



If you’d like to learn more about my work or work with me one-on-one, please click here.



Retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts—often obsessive curiosity or what I call “mental movies”—about your partner’s past relationships or sexual history.



Unfortunately, if you’re someone who tends to struggle with retroactive jealousy, chances are you’ll keep facing it in multiple relationships—unless you make a real commitment to overcome it for good.



The truth is, many people never reach that point. And sadly, a lot of men in particular don’t.



Sometimes, especially if they’ve been influenced by intense or extreme red pill content, they might say, “I struggle with retroactive jealousy—and it’s not my fault. It’s because of modern women.”



They start to believe that all modern women are the problem.



So they decide, “I’ll date, I’ll have fun, but I’m keeping it casual for the rest of my life.”



This was the comment I received on my YouTube channel—the one that inspired today’s video.









I’ll read it briefly: “The best thing to do is never take a woman seriously. Retroactive jealousy will not be an issue if you don’t take them seriously. Just date them and nothing more.”



Okay, so here’s my first point: if you’re truly happy and thriving in your current situation—great.



Honestly, I mean that. If what you’re doing works for you, I’m genuinely happy for you. I’ve always said I’m a libertarian at heart: you do you, I’ll do me.



As long as we’re not infringing on each other’s freedom or causing harm, that’s what matters.



My job isn’t to tear anyone down or tell you how to live your life.



If you genuinely want to keep things casual for the rest of your life and you’re truly happy with that choice, I fully support that. No judgment.



That said, the comment I just shared might’ve been from a red pill troll—because, let’s be honest, you see that mindset a lot in the red pill space.



“Modern women are all this, modern women are all that. So I’m just gonna keep things casual for the rest of my life.”



That’s the mindset some guys fall into. And again, if that lifestyle truly works for you, and you’re not hurting anyone else—I mean it—I’m happy for...

In today’s video, I discuss how to handle anxiety about a partner’s past behaviours.



Read or watch below to learn strategies for dealing with anxiety about partner’s past.









Zachary Stockill: If you’re dealing with unwanted, intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past, you’re probably feeling some anxiety around it.



If that sounds like you, I’m sharing three simple tips in this video that I think will really help.



I’m Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve helped thousands of people around the world move past retroactive jealousy and strengthen their relationships.



If you’d like to learn more about my work or are interested in working with me one-on-one, please click here.



For those of you who are new here, the term retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted, intrusive thoughts—often obsessive curiosity or what I call “mental movies”—about your partner’s past relationships or sexual history.



You might experience just one of these symptoms, or you might deal with all three.



But at its core, that’s what we mean when we talk about retroactive jealousy.



In today’s short video, I want to share three tips—three simple suggestions or perspectives—for anyone struggling with anxiety about their partner’s past behaviors.



My first suggestion for you is to focus on who your partner is today and how much evidence you have to support that.



Often when you’re dealing with retroactive jealousy or intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past, you’re really searching for clues about their true character.



And often when people do that, they end up focusing only on the past—whether it was six months ago, six years ago, or even decades ago.



Many people struggling with retroactive jealousy try to judge their partner’s values or character by looking almost entirely at their past, while completely overlooking who their partner is in the present.



So if you’re struggling with retroactive jealousy and you’re feeling unsure—maybe you see red flags in your partner’s past or have questions about their true values or character—don’t forget to look at the present.



It might seem obvious, but it’s a crucial point.









So many people dealing with retroactive jealousy put way too much weight on the past and not enough on who their partner is right now.



And the other part of that question—how much evidence do you have—is just as important.



If you’ve only known your partner for a couple of months, of course you won’t have much to go on when it comes to their true nature, values, or desires.



Simply put, not enough time has passed to really see those things clearly.



Two months is a very short amount of time.



Sure, you can start to get to know someone a bit in that time, but I’m reminded of a quote by a comedian—can’t remember who it was—but it always stuck with me because it feels so true: “For the first six months you date someone, you’re not really dating them.”



You’re dating their PR person—you’re dating their representative. And it’s funny because it’s true, right?



When you meet someone and you really like them, you’re naturally going to be on your best behavior, especially in those early days,

In today’s video, I address the question: “Why does she talk about her past?“



Read or watch below to learn “Why does she talk about her past?” and how to respond in a healthy way.









Zachary Stockill: If you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts about your partner’s painful past, you’re not alone.



Maybe you keep replaying those mental movies in your head.



And maybe your partner tends to overshare.



There’s a good chance you’ve asked yourself: “Why does my partner keep talking about their past?”



In today’s video, I’m going to try to answer that question.



My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve helped thousands of men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships.



If you’d like to learn more about my work, or if you’re interested in working with me one-on-one, please click here.



And if you’re here for the first time—welcome!



The term retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts—often obsessive curiosity or what I like to call “mental movies”—about your partner’s past relationships, including their sexual or dating history.



You might experience just one of these symptoms, or all three.



But at its core, that’s what retroactive jealousy is.



One question I’ve received regularly over the years from people struggling with retroactive jealousy is some version of: “Why does my partner insist on talking about their past?” As you probably know, many retroactive jealousy sufferers ask their partners countless questions about their past.



They poke, prod, interrogate, snoop—you name it.



A lot of people struggling with retroactive jealousy are constantly trying to dig up more unnecessary information about their partner’s past—and that’s a whole separate issue.



I’ve recorded many videos on that topic, and it describes many retroactive jealousy sufferers.









However, there’s another group of people who are the exact opposite.



They don’t want to know anything more about their partner’s past.



In fact, they don’t even want to know what they already know.



They don’t want to talk about it, and they often wish their partner would just stop bringing it up.



One question I often get from people in this situation is: “Why does my partner want to talk about their past?”



And in my view, there are three possible reasons.



Reason number one—or let’s say, possibility number one—is simply this: the desire to connect.



Most of the time, when we talk about our past—whether it’s our dating history or just life experiences—we’re trying to connect with someone. We want to relate.



And sometimes, deep down, we might hope that by sharing personal or intimate details, we’ll feel seen, understood, and accepted.



We want someone to accept us, to empathize with us. It all comes back to that basic human need to connect with others.



And often, in situations where it feels like your partner keeps bringing up the past, that’s really all they’re trying to do—they just want to connect with you on a deeper level.



They want to reveal more of themselves.

In today’s video, I discuss what to do when your boyfriend struggles with retroactive jealousy.




Read or watch below to learn strategies for dealing with it when your boyfriend struggles with retroactive jealousy.











Zachary Stockill: If you’re someone who struggles with retroactive jealousy—meaning you’re dealing with unwanted, intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past, and it’s affecting your current relationship—I think you’ll really want to watch today’s video.



My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve helped thousands of men and women around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and strengthen their relationships.



If you’d like to learn more about my work, or if you’re interested in working with me one-on-one, please click here.



And if you’re here for the first time—welcome.



The term retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts—often obsessive curiosity or what I call “mental movies”—about your partner’s past relationships or sexual history.



As most of you probably know, retroactive jealousy often affects your relationship—even if you’re not constantly asking your partner endless questions about their past, snooping through their social media, or making harsh comments.



Even if you’re doing none of those things, if your partner has any emotional intelligence or intuition at all, they’ll likely sense that something is off.



He or she will almost certainly sense that something isn’t right.



Retroactive jealousy is going to affect your relationship one way or another.



Every now and then, I receive a YouTube comment—or sometimes an email—that really breaks my heart.



These messages usually come from the partners of people struggling with retroactive jealousy.



I don’t often speak directly to the partners of retroactive jealousy sufferers on this channel, since most of my content is aimed at the people who are dealing with it themselves.



But over the years, I’ve worked with several clients who were on the other side—the partners of people struggling with retroactive jealousy.



They reached out and hired me because they wanted to understand this condition on a deeper level.



So, we had a few consultations.



And over the years, I’ve received countless messages from the partners of retroactive jealousy sufferers.









Those conversations have given me a much deeper understanding of what it’s like to be on the receiving end of this struggle.



Being on the receiving end of retroactive jealousy can be incredibly painful and confusing.



On that note, I want to share a YouTube comment I received from someone in that position—and then I’ll respond to it.



The comment reads: “I can’t take it anymore. What about the ones who are on the other side of retroactive jealousy?



I desperately need support. I’ve started questioning myself and my self-worth.



I feel like I’m not worthy of love because of my past sexual experiences.



He’s made me tell him everything, and when I forget something or leave something out, he says I’ve lied.



I’m at my wit’s end. I love him, but I don’t know how much more of this I can take… Do you have any ...

In today’s video, I share how dating changed after I beat retroactive jealousy and set boundaries



Read or watch below to learn how I navigated relationships after I beat retroactive jealousy and the strategies that helped me move forward.









Zachary Stockill: In today’s video, I’m doing something I haven’t done much recently on this channel—I’ll be answering one of your questions about my personal experience with retroactive jealousy.



My name is Zachary Stockill, and I’ve helped thousands of men and women around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and strengthen their relationships.



If you’d like to learn more about my work or are interested in working with me one-on-one, please click here.



For those who are new here, the term retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts, obsessive curiosity, and what I call mental movies about a partner’s past relationships or sexual history.



And if you take a look at the book right behind me—my first book, Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy—you’ll see that this issue isn’t just theoretical for me.



It’s deeply personal because retroactive jealousy once took over my life, causing significant turmoil and nearly destroying my peace of mind for several years in my early 20s.



It was pure hell. I struggled with it during my first serious, truly adult relationship as a young man.



But eventually, I overcame it—hence the book—and went on to help others do the same, which is why I’m here talking to you today.



However, if you’ve been following my channel for a while, you might have noticed that I don’t often share personal details about my own story as much as some of you might like.



I think I’m so focused on the future, offering solutions, and helping people.



Sometimes, as some have pointed out, I might overlook the value of sharing more of my own story.



So today, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.



I’ll be responding to a comment from a viewer of this channel, which asks: Once your retroactive jealousy was defeated and you entered a new relationship, how did you manage?



Did you still feel a little retroactive jealousy and quickly brush it off? How did you handle it?



Well, yes—I’ve been in several relationships since overcoming retroactive jealousy.









Now that I’m in my late 30s, I’ve been dating for about 20 years and have experienced many different relationships along the way.



I’ve experienced many different dating situations since then. It’s been quite a while since I wrote my book and overcame retroactive jealousy in my own life.



I think this commenter is genuinely curious about what that process has been like for me.



Looking back, my own experience with retroactive jealousy was almost completely irrational.



In other words, there weren’t any real red flags in my partner’s past—nothing shocking or out of the ordinary.



In fact, my own past was more colorful than hers at the time.



Looking back, it was purely irrational retroactive jealousy.

In today’s video, I respond to a viewer who is concerned about “videos of my girlfriend and her ex.”



Read or watch below to learn more about how to deal with a situation involving a “girlfriend and her ex,” and retroactive jealousy.









Zachary Stockill: As we all know, overcoming retroactive jealousy can be tough—and it can get even harder when we come across things we probably shouldn’t have seen.



In today’s video, I’m going to respond to someone dealing with retroactive jealousy around images he can’t unsee.



My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve helped thousands of men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships.



If you’d like to learn more about my work or are interested in working with me one-on-one, please click here.



The term retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and what I like to call “mental movies” about your partner’s past relationships.



You might experience just one of those symptoms, or all three—but that, in a nutshell, is retroactive jealousy.



In today’s video, I’m going to read a comment I received from someone—I’m assuming a viewer of this channel.



This viewer writes that some men have been exposed to actual sex videos of their current spouse with an ex-boyfriend.



These were videos that had been stored in the home and were discovered several years later.



This experience can be traumatic because the images are real, even if the encounter happened long before the current relationship.



Seeing these graphic images can lead to frequent flashbacks of the video that are hard to forget.







There’s no way to sugarcoat this—so I won’t try:



That’s a very difficult situation.



Especially if you’re in the unfortunate position of having seen images—or maybe even videos—of your partner involved, so to speak, with someone else.



I’m not going to sugarcoat it—that’s really difficult.



I completely understand and can imagine how challenging that must be.



However, the first thing I need to say—and I don’t know if this applies to you, but I say it quite often—is that this kind of thing usually happens when the person struggling with retroactive jealousy goes snooping around the house or through their wife’s things.



An iPad, computer, phone, old hard drive, or something like that.



Quite often, this kind of thing happens because of snooping.



Not always—and I don’t know if that’s the case for you—but it often comes up as a result of snooping.



And as you know, if you’ve watched many of the videos on my channel, I have strong feelings about snooping and invading your partner’s privacy.



I’m a strong believer in personal privacy.



I believe that no matter how long you’ve been married—even 50 years—each person in the relationship still has a right to their privacy.



It’s not okay to go snooping through their phone...

In today’s video, I’m going to go into the story of how Roberta overcame retroactive jealousy and turned her relationship around.



Read or watch below to learn more about how a former student in “Get Over Your Partner’s Past Fast,” Roberta, overcame retroactive jealousy and found peace in her relationship.









Zach: I really appreciate you making time for me, Roberta—and just, yeah, being willing to put yourself out there and share a bit of your story. It means a lot to people because not many are willing to speak about that publicly. I really appreciate it.



Roberta: Thank you for creating this whole mission you’ve put out there—because without it, people wouldn’t even know what this is or that it’s something different.



Most regular therapists wouldn’t recognize it unless they’ve been through it themselves or listened to you.



I had never heard of it before. You’re a pioneer.



Honestly, you saved my marriage. I wouldn’t have one if it weren’t for you.



Zach: Wow, that’s really flattering. It’s very kind of you to say.



Maybe you can just tell me a little bit about where you were with retroactive jealousy before you found me—before you came across my work.



What was it like for you? How did it come up in your life?



Roberta: It came up for me because I became insanely jealous, which was strange since I’d always felt secure in myself.



But when I met Bob—the nicest, kindest person I’ve ever met—I started feeling that way. He came into my life at a time when I really needed someone.



I became a widow six years ago—actually, today marks six years.



Zach: Wow.



Roberta: Yeah, so the reason—it’s very emotional for me to look back. I could have destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me.



We met on Christmas Eve, and after just a few days, we were inseparable.



But then the doubts started.



The more time we spent together, the more I kept looking for proof—like, what happened with that other person? Is that going to happen to me?



Then I came across the word “jealousy” and started searching for it on my Kindle.



That’s when I found Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy. I read the blurb and thought, “That’s me.”



Zach: So what were some of the things you used to do because of retroactive jealousy? Were you asking him a lot of questions? Constantly looking for reassurance?



Roberta: Oh yeah, I really was. I kept asking him, “How did you meet? Tell me now.”



But he wouldn’t tell me, and that stayed in the back of my mind.



And because we became so close so quickly, I started doubting that too. I even told him, “You’re just replacing her with me.”



I barely knew anything about her—there were no pictures, no internet presence.



She existed, but it felt like she was hidden away, in some secret place. I couldn’t even see what my so-called competition looked like.



But wow, I really wanted to. I had so many walls up because I thought, I’m really going to fall for him—and when I do, I’m going to get hurt worse than ever before.



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