In today’s video, I respond to a viewer who writes “What if my wife is comparing me to her ex?” and what to do when these thoughts take over.



Read or watch below to learn strategies for dealing with the insecurity of “comparing me to her ex” and how to stop these thoughts from affecting you.









 Zachary Stockill: If you are having a hard time with retroactive jealousy, how can you begin to overcome the fear that your partner might be comparing you to their ex?



That’s what I aim to address in today’s free video.



My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I have been helping people from around the world deal with retroactive jealousy and strengthen their relationships.



If you would like more information about my work or want to work with me one-on-one, please click here.



Recently, I received a question from a viewer of this channel.



The question is: How do you overcome the fear or worry that your wife or partner is comparing you to others from her past?



Remember, you’re not actually in competition with your partner’s past lovers.



It’s understandable why people feel this way—it’s a natural reaction for many.



But in reality, it’s not helpful, it doesn’t make sense, and most importantly, it’s not true.



Whenever you feel like you’re competing with someone else, the truth is, you’re not.



You’re not really competing with your partner’s past lovers—you’re competing with the idea or image of them that exists only in your mind.



And that image is probably far from reality.



When you feel like you’re in competition, you’re actually up against a version of someone that doesn’t even exist.



So, remember, you’re not actually in competition with your partner’s past.



The only person you should be in “competition” with is the version of yourself from yesterday.



In other words, the only fair competition is with your past self—striving to be better than you were before.



You can’t truly compete with others—you can only focus on becoming a better version of yourself each day, month, and year.







Often, when people feel like they’re in competition with others, they lose sight of their own growth and may even fall behind in their personal progress.



For example, if you’re fixated on competing with someone else, you might not be putting in the work to improve yourself—becoming better than you were a week, a month, or a year ago.



It seems like many people who feel this sense of competition with others are actually falling behind in their competition with their past selves.



Here are a few questions to focus on and reflect on if you’re feeling a sense of competition with your partner’s past lovers.



First, what’s the best evidence that your partner is truly happy with you right now?



Notice I said evidence—think of it like a lawyer in court, looking for solid facts to support your case. What concrete proof do you have that your partner values and enjoys being with you?



For example, this evidence could be things your partner has said to you, gestures they’ve made,