In today’s video, I address the question: “Why does she talk about her past?“
Read or watch below to learn “Why does she talk about her past?” and how to respond in a healthy way.
Zachary Stockill: If you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts about your partner’s painful past, you’re not alone.
Maybe you keep replaying those mental movies in your head.
And maybe your partner tends to overshare.
There’s a good chance you’ve asked yourself: “Why does my partner keep talking about their past?”
In today’s video, I’m going to try to answer that question.
My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve helped thousands of men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships.
If you’d like to learn more about my work, or if you’re interested in working with me one-on-one,
please click here.
And if you’re here for the first time—welcome!
The term retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts—often obsessive curiosity or what I like to call “mental movies”—about your partner’s past relationships, including their sexual or dating history.
You might experience just one of these symptoms, or all three.
But at its core, that’s what retroactive jealousy is.
One question I’ve received regularly over the years from people struggling with retroactive jealousy is some version of: “Why does my partner insist on talking about their past?” As you probably know, many retroactive jealousy sufferers ask their partners countless questions about their past.
They poke, prod, interrogate, snoop—you name it.
A lot of people struggling with retroactive jealousy are constantly trying to dig up more unnecessary information about their partner’s past—and that’s a whole separate issue.
I’ve recorded many videos on that topic, and it describes many retroactive jealousy sufferers.
However, there’s another group of people who are the exact opposite.
They don’t want to know anything more about their partner’s past.
In fact, they don’t even want to know what they already know.
They don’t want to talk about it, and they often wish their partner would just stop bringing it up.
One question I often get from people in this situation is: “Why does my partner want to talk about their past?”
And in my view, there are three possible reasons.
Reason number one—or let’s say, possibility number one—is simply this: the desire to connect.
Most of the time, when we talk about our past—whether it’s our dating history or just life experiences—we’re trying to connect with someone. We want to relate.
And sometimes, deep down, we might hope that by sharing personal or intimate details, we’ll feel seen, understood, and accepted.
We want someone to accept us, to empathize with us. It all comes back to that basic human need to connect with others.
And often, in situations where it feels like your partner keeps bringing up the past, that’s really all they’re trying to do—they just want to connect with you on a deeper level.
They want to reveal more of themselves.
