In today’s video, I discuss how to change your perspective on the past.



Read or watch below to learn how to change your perspective on the past so you can find more peace and clarity in your relationship.









Zachary Stockill: If you’re struggling with unwanted, intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past, there’s a good chance part of you feels like something about it is imperfect.



Maybe you wish you had met your partner earlier in life—or something along those lines. If that sounds familiar, you’ll probably want to watch today’s video.



My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships.



If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one or want to learn more about what I do, please click here.



If you’re new here, retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts, obsessive curiosity, and what I often call “mental movies” about a partner’s past relationships or sexual history.



You might experience one of those symptoms, or you might deal with all three—but that’s basically what we mean when we talk about retroactive jealousy.



To start today’s video, I’m going to read a comment from a viewer of this channel.



He writes: “I’m incredibly jealous of the fact that I’ve missed my partner’s youth. I feel like I’ve missed out on her best years—and the chance to have children with her—especially when I think about how most of her ex-partners didn’t truly appreciate her.”



So first off, in responding to this, I have to lead with empathy.



Of course. It’s completely understandable to feel like you wish you had met your partner a little earlier in life.



Maybe you wish you hadn’t dated your ex.



Maybe you wish your partner hadn’t dated theirs.



It’s easy to fall down that mental rabbit hole.



You start wondering how things might have been different if you’d met each other sooner.



But when you’re struggling with retroactive jealousy, it’s important to remember—it’s not really your partner’s past that’s bothering you.









It’s the story you’re telling yourself about those events.



It’s the meaning you’re assigning to them.



It’s the significance you’ve built around them.



It’s the story—not the actual events themselves—that’s causing the pain.



So, to the person who shared that they wish they had met their partner earlier in life, remember this: at the core of that feeling is an unhelpful story you’re telling yourself.



And just to be clear—when I use the word “story,” I’m not being dismissive or judgmental. I mean it literally.



The way we move through life—and ideally, toward something better—is by telling ourselves stories.



Everything we think about the past is just a version of a story.



Very little of it is objectively true.



In fact, the story we’re telling ourselves about the past is probably not true in any factual sense—it’s just a story.



So if we’re holding onto a story about the past that isn’t necessarily true… then we have to ask: is that story helping us, or hurting us?