In today’s video, I respond to a reader who writes “being apart makes retroactive jealousy worse,” and how to handle it in a long-distance relationship.
Read or watch below for strategies to handle the challenges of retroactive jealousy in a long-distance relationship.
Zachary Stockill: There are many people in long-distance relationships who struggle with retroactive jealousy, which comes with its own challenges.
If you’re dealing with this and have ever been in a long-distance relationship, you’ll definitely want to watch this video.
My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and strengthen their relationships.
If you’d like to learn more about my work or work with me one-on-one,
please click here.
For those who are new here, retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted, intrusive thoughts—often obsessive curiosity and what I call “mental movies”—about your partner’s past relationships, including their dating or sexual history.
You might experience just one of these symptoms, or you might struggle with all three. But essentially, that’s what retroactive jealousy is.
In today’s video, I’m responding to a viewer who is dealing with retroactive jealousy while in a long-distance relationship. I’ll start by reading their question.
Jay writes:
“My girlfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. I’ve noticed that my retroactive jealousy is almost nonexistent when I’m with her, and if it does come up, it fades quickly. Is this common? And is it normal for retroactive jealousy to get worse when I’m away from my partner?”
Retroactive jealousy, if you’re not already familiar, is a complex and often confusing experience.
It can manifest in different ways and affect people differently, making it a challenging issue to navigate.
Human beings are complex, and everyone’s experience with retroactive jealousy is a little different.
Over the years, I’ve heard from countless people—whether through messages,
coaching sessions, or video calls—who have struggled with this issue, each with their own unique challenges and experiences.
In the context of a
long-distance relationship, experiences can vary.
Some people find it easier to set their feelings aside when they’re apart from their partner, while others, like you, feel that retroactive jealousy becomes more intense when they’re not together.
So, to answer your question—is this common? I’d say yes. If I had to guess based on my experience, the majority of people struggling with retroactive jealousy in long-distance relationships feel the same way.
To put it simply, things tend to feel better when they’re with their partner.
Things tend to be a bit tougher when you’re apart, but plenty of others experience the opposite.
It really depends on the individual.
If you’re wondering why your retroactive jealousy improves when you’re with your partner, there are a few possible reasons.
