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We're Dating the Same Guy
Madden Zappa
30 episodes
5 days ago
We're Dating the Same Guy uncovers the dating patterns we all repeat—whether we realize it or not—and, more importantly, how to break them. From attachment styles and intimacy to feminine and masculine energy, red flags, self-sabotage, and rebuilding your relationship with yourself, we dive deep into what’s really driving your love life. With expert guests and real-life dating stories, these raw, eye-opening conversations will help you stop dating on autopilot. If we don’t change our patterns, we’re just dating the same guy… over and over again. It’s time to date differently.
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All content for We're Dating the Same Guy is the property of Madden Zappa and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.
We're Dating the Same Guy uncovers the dating patterns we all repeat—whether we realize it or not—and, more importantly, how to break them. From attachment styles and intimacy to feminine and masculine energy, red flags, self-sabotage, and rebuilding your relationship with yourself, we dive deep into what’s really driving your love life. With expert guests and real-life dating stories, these raw, eye-opening conversations will help you stop dating on autopilot. If we don’t change our patterns, we’re just dating the same guy… over and over again. It’s time to date differently.
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Relationships
Society & Culture
Episodes (20/30)
We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 29: Dating After Trauma: Setting Boundaries & Reclaiming Your Self-Worth

What if the endless healing work you're doing is actually keeping you stuck? In this raw and transformative conversation, sexual liberation coach Sammy Schultz shares her journey from numbing sexual trauma with alcohol to becoming the strong woman she needed growing up—and how that completely changed the way she dates.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Introduction & Welcome
  • 03:11 - Sammy's Background & Journey Begins
  • 06:22 - From Sexual Trauma to Sexual Liberation
  • 10:56 - Why YouTube Tried to Censor Her Content
  • 13:41 - Getting Stuck in Healing Mode
  • 17:31 - The Pattern of "If I Were More Healed, I'd Be Worthy"
  • 21:26 - Why Healing Work Didn't Change Sammy's Dating Life
  • 24:51 - Shifting from "I'm Broken" to "I'm Whole"
  • 28:21 - The Intention Behind Healing vs. Living
  • 31:46 - Becoming the Woman You Needed Growing Up
  • 35:31 - From Auditioning to Being the Chooser
  • 39:26 - Centering Yourself Instead of Begging the Universe
  • 43:01 - How Sexual Trauma Impacts Dating & Relationships
  • 47:36 - Breaking Generational Trauma Cycles
  • 51:21 - Recognizing What True Safety Actually Feels Like
  • 54:56 - Dating from Your Inner Mama Bear (Not Your Inner Little Girl)
  • 57:41 - How to Feel Safe Speaking What You Want
  • 1:00:31 - Worshiping the "Bitchy" Version of Yourself
  • 1:02:26 - Final Advice: Be the Center of Your Own Universe


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • Why years of healing work doesn't always translate to better dating experiences
  • How to shift from auditioning for love to becoming the chooser
  • Setting powerful boundaries without fear of being perceived as "too much"
  • Dating from your inner mama bear instead of your wounded inner child
  • The complete dating rulebook that changed everything


"Instead of begging an external universe to give you what only you can give you, you have to become the center of your universe. You become the universe and you give it to yourself. You stop asking for things and you just give it to yourself. Rather than going out and being like 'maybe someone will choose me,' it's 'let me see if this place, this person, is amazing enough for me.'"

- Sammy Schultz


CONNECT WITH SAMMY:

Sammy Schultz is a sexual liberation coach who helps women become the strong woman they needed when they were growing up. After spending years numbing sexual trauma with alcohol and facing a life-threatening health experience, Sammy got sober and began her healing journey—which eventually evolved into teaching women how to stop healing and start living.

Ten years ago, Sammy started a YouTube channel to share her journey of sexual healing, even after the platform threatened to delete her content. Since then, she's helped countless women transform their relationship with their bodies, their sensuality, and their worthiness in love and money. Sammy specializes in combining neuroscience and sensuality to help women break free from people-pleasing patterns, set powerful boundaries, and date from a place of wholeness rather than fixing themselves.

Her approach is bold, unapologetic, and refreshingly honest—teaching women that the "bitchy," "demanding" version of themselves isn't something to apologize for, but something to worship.

Sammy's Instagram: @sammybelove


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


IMPORTANT PODCAST LINKS:

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous

Show more...
1 week ago
1 hour 3 minutes

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 28: The Truth Behind Porn Addiction: The Silent Habit Pulling Men Away from Deeper Intimacy & Connection

What if the quiet habit shaping men's views on sex, intimacy, and connection is something almost nobody talks about in dating? In this raw, eye-opening conversation, Jeremy Lipkowitz uncovers how porn actually rewires the brain, impacts real-world intimacy, and shows up in the relationships we're trying to build. This isn't about judgment. It's about awareness, accountability, and understanding what's really happening beneath the surface.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Introduction: Why We Need to Talk About Porn Addiction
  • 03:15 - Meet Jeremy Lipkowitz: From Buddhist Monk to Porn Addiction Recovery Coach
  • 06:42 - The Prevalence of Porn Use: It's Way More Common Than You Think
  • 09:18 - Why This Topic Is So Hard to Talk About: Sexual Shame & Secrecy
  • 12:35 - How Early Exposure Shapes Views on Intimacy & Sexuality
  • 16:20 - The Neuroscience of Addiction: Dopamine, Craving & Escalation
  • 22:47 - How Porn Addiction Impacts Relationships: Expectations, Performance & Trust
  • 29:34 - The Loneliness Epidemic & Shifting Gender Dynamics
  • 32:16 - Beyond Relationships: How Porn Impacts Focus, Satisfaction & Self-Worth
  • 36:05 - The Dark Ethics of the Porn Industry: Trafficking, Consent & Exploitation
  • 39:28 - Breaking Free: Community, Mindfulness & Compassionate Accountability
  • 43:12 - Final Advice: Dating Differently with Wisdom & Compassion

IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • How early porn exposure shapes men's expectations of sex and intimacy
  • The neuroscience of addiction: why dopamine drives compulsive behavior even when pleasure is gone
  • How porn use creates unrealistic expectations, performance anxiety, and erectile dysfunction
  • The connection between porn addiction, loneliness, and fear of rejection
  • Why secrecy and shame erode trust in relationships
  • The dark ethics of the porn industry that most users don't realize they're supporting
  • How to break free: building community, practicing mindfulness, and developing healthier coping mechanisms
  • The balance of wisdom and compassion needed to create lasting change


"Every single addiction is about escaping unpleasant emotions, running away. In order to overcome addiction at the root source—not just blocking it or being sober for a little bit, but actually overcoming it and uprooting the addiction—you have to start getting skillful with working with your emotions. You have to develop healthier coping mechanisms for when a strong emotion comes. So much of porn addiction is rooted in boredom. Guys are just bored. They don't know what to do with themselves."

- Jeremy Lipkowitz


CONNECT WITH JEREMY:

Jeremy Lipkowitz is a former Buddhist monk, meditation teacher, and ICF-certified executive coach who helps high-achieving men break free from compulsive behaviors—especially porn addiction—and build lives of integrity, discipline, and deep fulfillment. With over 13 years of meditation experience and hundreds of days spent in silent retreat, Jeremy blends ancient wisdom with cutting-edge science to guide individuals toward emotional resilience and personal freedom.

Jeremy left higher academia after confronting his own struggles with addiction, shame, and self-judgment. A brief period of monastic training in Myanmar deepened his mindfulness practice and marked the start of a lifelong commitment to personal growth and service.

As the founder of Unhooked Academy and host of the Unhooked Podcast, Jeremy is a leading voice in destigmatizing porn addiction and educating the public on effective, science-based recovery strategies. His work helps men overcome shame, understand the neuroscience of addiction, and create lasting transformation through mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and habit change.


Jeremy's Instagram: @jeremylipkowitz


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠


IMPORTANT PODCAST LINKS:

Submit YOUR dating stories and question: ⁠⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠⁠

Monthly Date Giveaways: ⁠⁠Date Differently Drop


Show more...
4 weeks ago
44 minutes 42 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 27: The Systems of Conscious Relationships: Engineering Love, Boundaries & Intimacy

What if the key to lasting love isn't chemistry or compatibility—but conscious engineering?

In this episode, Madden sits down with relationship coach Scott Wild, whose background as a software engineer gives him a radically different lens on relationships. Scott helps us understand how to build partnerships that don't just survive—they actually thrive through intentional design.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Introduction: Why this episode is for everyone—single or partnered
  • 02:15 - Meet Scott Wild: From software engineering to relationship coaching
  • 05:30 - The shift from control to trust in relationships
  • 08:45 - Learning relational skills through authentic relating
  • 12:20 - Being direct without being "bitchy"—holding boundaries without fire
  • 16:40 - Using chess strategy to improve relationship patterns
  • 19:30 - Why sustainability matters from day one of dating
  • 23:15 - The "it's fine" trap and the recipe for resentment
  • 27:45 - Doing things for yourself vs. for your partner
  • 31:20 - Conscious conversations and meta-awareness in relationships
  • 35:10 - Codependency vs. having alternative paths
  • 38:50 - What "opt-in" relationships really mean
  • 42:30 - Defining intimacy as revealing (heart, hurt, or play)
  • 46:15 - Sovereignty and the balance with intimacy
  • 48:40 - The pattern of psychologizing your partner
  • 50:15 - Final advice: Drop the impressing energy and notice where you need something


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • Why controlling relationships come from anxiety (and how to shift from control to trust)
  • The fine line between being direct and being "bitchy"—and how anger signals you've already crossed your boundary
  • Why "it's fine" is actually a red flag for future resentment
  • How to avoid codependency by always having an alternative path
  • What it means to build an "opt-in" relationship (and why labels can create false security)
  • The difference between intimacy and vulnerability—and how to bring the right amount of each
  • Why sovereignty (being good on your own) is the foundation of secure attachment
  • The pattern of "psychologizing" your partner—and why it's actually about control, not caring
  • How to date sustainably from the very beginning


"Intimacy is the revealing of my heart, my hurt, or my play. That's the thing that people actually love—you want to feel someone playing, you want to feel what's true for somebody. Pure intimacy is like a gift, just an offering." - Scott Wild



CONNECT WITH SCOTT:

Scott Wild is a relationship coach who helps people build strong, lasting partnerships filled with trust and connection. He has expressed as a software engineer, manager, professional athlete, facilitator, and a decade as a practitioner of ethical polyamory, giving him a diverse perspective to share. Scott has spent years guiding people through relational intelligence practices and supporting them in creating healthier, more fulfilling romantic lives. He lives in Austin, Texas with his wife and two young children.


Scott's Instagram: @scottsolowild

Free Discovery Call to improve your relationship: scottsolowild.com


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


IMPORTANT PODCAST LINKS:

Submit YOUR dating stories and question: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

Monthly Date Giveaways: ⁠Date Differently Drop

Show more...
1 month ago
51 minutes 50 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 26: How to NOT Get Swept Away in the Movie Moments: Why Your Purpose is Your Dating Anchor | Season 2 Premiere

It's so easy to get swept away in early dating when you're texting nonstop and spending all your free time together, slowly drifting from friends and hobbies . But what if dating could ADD to your life instead of becoming your whole life?

Welcome to Season 2 of We're Dating the Same Guy!

After a wild weekend in Vegas that felt like a movie scene, Madden shares how to not get lost in and swept away by your dating experiences: connecting to your purpose.

After a trip to Vegas—accidentally booking an RV, electric car anxiety, sketchy neighborhoods, desert windstorms, and an unexpected romantic encounter that could've been straight out of a film. But instead of getting swept away into fantasy and daydreaming like Madden would have in the past, she stayed grounded. Listen to find out how.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Welcome to Season 2!
  • 02:45 - The Vegas Trip Begins
  • 05:20 - RV Disaster & Electric Car Anxiety
  • 08:15 - When Dating Takes Over Your Life
  • 12:30 - The Lantern Festival Moment
  • 15:40 - Finding Your Purpose: The 3 Questions
  • 19:25 - Why Purpose is Your Anchor
  • 22:50 - The Vegas Movie Moment
  • 26:35 - Staying Grounded vs Getting Swept Away
  • 30:15 - What's New: Date Differently Diaries
  • 32:20 - The Date Differently Drop


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • Why your purpose is your anchor in dating
  • The 3 questions that reveal what truly lights you up
  • How Madden stayed grounded during a romantic Vegas moment

"Your purpose reminds you that your life does not pause just because someone new is entering it. Dating is meant to add to your life, but it's not meant to become your whole life."- Madden Zappa


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden Zappa is a Minneapolis based dating coach and host of "We're Dating the Same Guy," a podcast helping people break free from repeating dating patterns. Through expert conversations and real-life stories, Madden empowers listeners to date more intentionally, understand their attachment styles, and build relationships aligned with their authentic selves.


MADDEN'S INSTAGRAM: @maddenzappa


IMPORTANT PODCAST LINKS:

Submit YOUR dating stories and question: Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)

Monthly Date Giveaways: Date Differently Drop


Show more...
1 month ago
34 minutes 42 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
Season 1 FINALE: Dating Patterns vs Love - What The Materialist Movie Teaches About Modern Relationships

In the season 1 finale of We're Dating the Same Guy, host Madden sits down with fellow podcaster Alexis to break down the movie "The Materialist" and what it reveals about modern dating patterns, attachment styles, and the choice between financial security and emotional connection.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Season 1 reflection and podcast journey
  • 05:30 - The Materialist movie discussion begins
  • 12:45 - Dating vs Love - the fundamental difference
  • 18:20 - Attachment styles and modern dating
  • 25:10 - Red flags and immediate deal-breakers
  • 32:40 - The income gap conversation
  • 45:15 - Lucy's ultimate choice and what it means
  • 52:30 - Personal dating insights and growth


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • The Materialist movie analysis with Dakota Johnson, Pedro Pascal, and Chris Evans
  • Dating multiple people ethically and what that teaches you
  • Feminine energy vs masculine energy in relationships
  • Why some people excel at dating but struggle with love
  • Red flags, green flags, and navigating modern dating apps
  • Marriage as partnership vs business transaction
  • Income gaps in relationships and how to navigate them successfully


CONNECT WITH ALEXIS:

Alexis is a fellow Minneapolis Podcaster and host of Let if Flow Podcast


Alexis's Instagram: @destinationalexis

Let it Flow Podcast


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden is a dating coach and host of "We're Dating the Same Guy" podcast, helping individuals identify and break destructive dating patterns. With expertise in attachment theory, feminine energy, and modern relationship dynamics, she creates a safe space for exploring the deeper psychology behind our romantic choices. Through vulnerable conversations and expert guests, Madden guides listeners toward more secure, authentic relationships.


Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


Show more...
2 months ago
56 minutes 11 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 24: Finding God in Love: Transform Your Relationships Through Spiritual Security

Tired of feeling anxious and insecure in your relationships? In today's episode, relationship coach and spiritual guide Kevin Crenshaw reveals why your dating patterns might be rooted in a deeper spiritual search - and how cultivating a relationship with God can transform the way you love.

Kevin shares his raw journey from being a chronic people pleaser whose first three relationships ended in betrayal, to finding spiritual security that completely shifted his approach to love. We explore how anxious attachment often masks a search for the divine, why your "ideal partner" list might actually be describing God, and practical ways to build genuine spiritual connection.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Introduction to Kevin Crenshaw and spiritual dating
  • 03:45 - Kevin's journey from people pleaser to spiritual security
  • 08:30 - The near-death experience that changed everything
  • 12:15 - Finding God after hitting rock bottom
  • 18:20 - How anxious attachment shows up in relationships
  • 24:10 - The difference between seeking completion vs communion in love
  • 29:45 - Why your "dream man list" might actually be describing God
  • 35:20 - Building a relationship with God: Prayer as conversation
  • 42:10 - Overcoming religious hurt and finding authentic faith
  • 47:30 - Three ways to start dating differently
  • 52:00 - Final thoughts on purpose and spiritual relationships


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • How anxious attachment shows up as searching for God in relationships
  • The difference between horizontal change and vertical spiritual evolution
  • Why surrender, not willpower, creates lasting transformation
  • Building a real relationship with God through prayer and community
  • Healing from religious hurt while staying open to spirituality
  • Three practical shifts to start dating from a place of spiritual security

"People hurt you, not God. Build your own relationship. Look for people producing spiritual fruit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness. Not just moments of it, but supernatural, consistent fruit that surprises you." - Kevin Crenshaw


CONNECT WITH KEVIN:

Kevin Crenshaw is a relationship coach, spiritual guide, and author who has spent over a decade helping people transform their love lives through healing anxious attachment and building spiritual security. After his own journey from people-pleasing codependency to authentic spiritual connection, Kevin now guides thousands in understanding how their relationship with God directly impacts their human relationships. His upcoming book "Perspectives" (releasing September 2025) is a collection of poetic reflections mapping his decade-long journey toward freedom, healing, and divine connection.

Kevin's Instagram: @the.heart.guy

Join the Waitlist for Kevin's new book Perspectives


STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


Show more...
2 months ago
54 minutes 35 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 23: From Avoidant to Secure: Decoding Men’s Emotional Availability

Are you tired of dating emotionally unavailable men? In this vulnerable conversation, sex and relationship therapist Joe Molinari breaks down why so many men struggle with emotional availability and what you can do about it.

Joe shares his personal journey from emotional avoidance to vulnerability, explaining how childhood conditioning creates patterns that pull men away from connection. We explore attachment styles, the dangerous appeal of "twin flame" relationships, and practical steps both men and women can take to create more secure relationships.

Whether you're trying to understand the men you're dating or working on your own emotional availability, this episode offers hope and practical tools for creating the secure love you deserve.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 03:16 - Joe's background and path to therapy
  • 04:44 - What "home" really means in relationships
  • 08:24 - How attachment styles develop over time
  • 12:38 - Why men are taught not to connect
  • 16:24 - Tangible steps to become emotionally available
  • 24:43 - Inside Joe's men's therapy group
  • 29:59 - How attachment influences sexuality
  • 38:29 - The truth about secure people in dating
  • 44:43 - Twin flames: Spiritual connection or toxic pattern?


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • Why traditional masculinity teaches men to avoid connection
  • How attachment styles show up in dating and sexuality
  • The difference between thinking and feeling in relationships
  • Red flags in "twin flame" dynamics that keep you stuck
  • Practical steps to become more emotionally available
  • How men's therapy groups are changing emotional patterns


"The best thing you can do is learn more to be present to yourself. Learn to connect to yourself emotionally, connect to yourself in a very present embodied way. That is a path towards finding your own security within yourself. And that's the best first step for also meeting other people who are an authentic connection for you." - Joe Molinari


CONNECT WITH JOE:

Joe Molinari is a psychotherapist and coach specializing in sex, trauma, and relationships. Whether working with individuals, couples, or groups, Joe invites his clients to pursue a path toward more presence, authenticity, and a sense of aliveness. Joe brings a deep curiosity about how we connect, overcome, and grow. His approach is collaborative, sex-positive, and full of heart (and usually a bit of humor too). He’s passionate about helping people move from shame and stuckness to connection, pleasure, and a sense of freedom. Whether it’s talking about intimacy, healing old wounds, or finding more ease in everyday life, Joe creates space for the whole messy, beautiful human experience.


Joe's Instagram: @sextherapyjoe

Joe's Website


STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

Show more...
2 months ago
49 minutes 4 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 22: Dating Sober: How Alcohol-Free Dating Is Transforming Modern Relationships

Would you go on a first date without alcohol? 39% of singles now say yes—and it's changing everything about modern dating. In this raw conversation, Alex Zauner (founder of Lucille's alcohol-free experiences and 11 years sober) reveals why removing liquid courage creates deeper connections and better relationships.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Opening: The first date question that changes everything
  • 05:12 - Alex's story: From college binge drinking to 11 years sober
  • 12:45 - The breaking point: Hospital wake-up call and commitment to change
  • 18:30 - Dating sober: Navigating apps, anxiety, and authenticity
  • 25:15 - Meeting her husband while sober and what that taught her
  • 32:00 - Mixed relationships: When your partner drinks and you don't
  • 39:20 - Why Gen Z is choosing alcohol-free lifestyles
  • 45:10 - Practical sober date ideas that create real connection
  • 50:00 - Final advice: Leading with authenticity in dating


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • Why alcohol-free dating creates deeper, more authentic connections
  • Practical tools for managing first-date anxiety without drinking
  • Creative sober date ideas that build genuine chemistry
  • How to communicate your sober lifestyle in dating
  • Navigating mixed relationships (sober + drinking partners)
  • Why younger generations are choosing alcohol-free lifestyles
  • Building confidence and social skills through sober dating


"Sober dating is not just going to help you in that relationship—it's going to genuinely help you to build your social skills and confidence in every aspect of your life. You're going to remember all the details, the jokes, your personality is going to shine through, and their personality is going to shine through." - Alex Zauner


CONNECT WITH ALEX:

Alex's Instagram: @alexandrazauner

Lucille's Bottleshop

Lucille's Instagram: @lucillesbottleshop


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


Show more...
3 months ago
52 minutes 31 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 21: From the Pods to Real Life: David from Love Is Blind on Love, Vulnerability and Life Post Cameras

Dave from Love is Blind Minneapolis gets real about what happens when the cameras stop rolling. In this raw conversation, we dive into vulnerability in dating, trusting your intuition, and how reality TV changed his approach to relationships forever. If you've ever wondered what it's like to fall in love on national television and then learn even more about yourself in the process, this episode gives you a window into all of it.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Introduction: Reality TV obsession & Dave's controversial Love is Blind journey
  • 04:15 - What Dave wishes everyone knew about his Love is Blind experience
  • 09:30 - The bold pod question that went viral: "What's wrong with you?"
  • 14:20 - Most challenging parts of the Love is Blind experiment
  • 19:45 - Why vulnerability is easier when you can't see someone
  • 24:30 - Trusting your intuition vs. listening to family opinions
  • 29:15 - Dave's dating patterns: superficial attraction & dating in reverse
  • 34:45 - What being ready for love actually looks like now
  • 39:30 - Final advice: Know yourself to date differently


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • What really happened behind the scenes in Season 8 Love is Blind AFTER the cameras stopped recording
  • The dating backwards pattern that's keeping you single
  • Vulnerability depth in dating
  • Family opinions vs. trusting your own intuition in relationships
  • What being truly ready for love actually looks like (vs. societal pressure)

"You can't really be yourself if you don't know who you are. You shouldn't date anyone with the intention of getting married or having a long-term future if you don't fully know yourself well enough." - David Bettenburg


CONNECT WITH DAVE:

David Bettenburg is a 33-year-old Minneapolis native who appeared on Love is Blind Season 8. Originally working in medical device sales (specifically aesthetic procedures), he now works as an Account Executive for legal solutions. Dave's journey on Love is Blind became controversial due to family interference and outside gossip affecting his relationship with Lauren O'Brien. Post-show, he's focused on self-reflection, therapy, and understanding his dating patterns to build healthier relationships.


David's Instagram: @davidbettenburg


STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa



Show more...
3 months ago
40 minutes 54 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 20: Dating Psychology: How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Relationships

Ever wonder why you keep dating the same type of person? Brazilian brain health coach Fabiana breaks down the neuroscience behind dating patterns and reveals how your brain creates the relationship cycles you find yourself stuck in.

EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 3:18 - Meet Fabiana: From Ipanema Beach to brain coaching
  • 8:45 - Your brain on patterns: The survival machine explained
  • 15:20 - Breaking down the amygdala hijack in relationships
  • 22:10 - The cortisol-disease connection you need to know
  • 28:30 - Reframing protective thoughts (not negative ones)
  • 35:45 - Why people behave badly (spoiler: they feel threatened)
  • 42:00 - The stories we tell ourselves about dating
  • 48:15 - Values alignment: The non-negotiable foundation
  • 55:30 - Expectations vs. reality in relationships
  • 62:45 - The 4-step communication framework for conflict


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • How your amygdala and hippocampus control your dating choices
  • Why 80% of your thoughts are protective (not negative)
  • The 4-question method to reframe toxic thought patterns
  • How to break the cycle of choosing familiar but unhealthy partners
  • Why authenticity is non-negotiable in lasting relationships
  • Communication strategies that actually work (backed by brain science)


"There is no way you will find a partner who loves you if you're not being 100% your authentic self. Because they're going to fall for what you're showing, not for who you are. If you are acting to gain someone's love, you're not gaining their love—your character is gaining their love." - Fabiana


CONNECT WITH FABIANA

Brazilian-born brain health coach and viral Instagram creator (@fashionbyfabiana, 150K+ followers) who transforms women's relationship with aging and self-acceptance. Former corporate executive turned certified neuroscience coach, Fabiana combines 30 years of business experience with brain-based coaching to help women break limiting patterns and embrace authentic living. Her content on aging gracefully has reached over 20 million views, sparking global conversations about beauty standards and self-worth.

Fabiana's Instagram: @fashionbyfabiana

Brain Health Coaching Website


STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa



Show more...
3 months ago
1 hour 3 minutes 59 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 19: From the Guy Women Didn't Want to Date to Dating Coach: The Energetics and Strategy behind Smarter Dating

What happens when a man realizes he's the guy women don't want to date and completely transforms himself? In this raw conversation, dating and embodiment coach Tyler shares his journey from being disconnected and sabotaging intimacy to helping high-value women date differently.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Introduction: When men realize they're the problem
  • 04:15 - Tyler's transformation story: From feminine to masculine energy
  • 09:30 - Macro vs micro perspective in dating
  • 14:20 - The three pillars: Mindset, energetics, strategy
  • 19:45 - Common limiting beliefs that keep women stuck
  • 26:15 - Masculine vs feminine energy: What it really means
  • 32:40 - Strategic dating: Red flags and verification methods
  • 38:20 - The ultimate relationship question: Would I want my child to be like them?
  • 41:35 - Reflection on personal growth over 5 years
  • 44:15 - Final advice: Changing thoughts, feelings, and actions


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • The macro vs micro approach to dating patterns
  • How to date from a regulated nervous system
  • The difference between masculine and feminine energy in dating
  • Strategic tools for identifying red flags early
  • Why "if it's meant to happen, it will" keeps you stuck
  • The three pillars: mindset, energetics, and strategy


  • "The version of you that you are today has created the life that you live right now. And so if you realize that, you also realize that by becoming more of who you are, you can change the reality that you're living right now." - Tyler

  • CONNECT WITH TYLER:
  • Tyler is a dating and embodiment coach specializing in helping high-value women over 30 create aligned relationships. After struggling with his own relationship patterns and being the kind of man women didn't want to date, Tyler transformed himself through masculine work, men's groups, and deep personal development. He now combines strategic dating methods with energetic and mindset work, helping clients break cycles and attract conscious partnerships.

  • Tyler's Instagram: @tylerdudding

  • STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN
  • Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa



    Show more...
    3 months ago
    45 minutes 43 seconds

    We're Dating the Same Guy
    EP 18: Red Flag or Yellow Flag: Are You Mislabeling Dating Behaviors or Just Self Sabotaging?

    Are you calling everything a red flag in dating? Dating coach and therapist Michelle O'Connell joins host Madden to decode the difference between red flags, yellow flags, and green flags in modern dating. Learn why your nervous system might confuse healthy partners for boring ones, how past trauma affects your ability to recognize good partners, and the subtle patterns that show up months into dating - not on date three. This episode reveals why we're quick to label behaviors as red flags when they might actually be signs of a healthy partner, plus actionable strategies for dating with curiosity instead of fear.


    EPISODE TIMELINE:

    • 00:00 - Introduction: The red flag epidemic in dating culture
    • 03:15 - Meet Michelle O'Connell: From therapist to dating coach
    • 08:42 - Defining red flags, yellow flags, and green flags
    • 12:30 - Why we overuse the term "red flag" in dating
    • 16:45 - How fear drives our flag labeling
    • 21:20 - When green flags feel like red flags: The nervous system connection
    • 28:15 - Red flags that don't show up until months later
    • 35:40 - How long should you really give someone a chance?
    • 38:25 - Avoiding projection from past dating experiences
    • 42:10 - Final advice: Dating with curiosity over validation


    IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

    • What actually constitutes a red flag versus normal human behavior
    • How our nervous system confuses calm and safety for boredom in dating
    • Why people with trauma histories might push away healthy partners
    • The sneaky patterns that don't show up until months 3-6 of dating
    • How past experiences shape our ability to "read the room" accurately
    • The difference between empowerment and being too rigid in dating standards
    • Why taking things slow is crucial for spotting long-term compatibility
    • How to avoid projecting past relationship wounds onto new partners
    • When to give someone more time versus trusting your gut to walk away


    "If you want a partner, you have to date. And when you date with a space and a mindset of curiosity and being open to all the different outcomes, you're going to have a better experience with dating. Don't date to validate your worth - date from curiosity." - Michelle


    CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

    Michelle O'Connell is a licensed mental health therapist and dating coach based in Minneapolis, Minnesota. With over a decade of experience in trauma therapy, Michelle launched her dating coaching practice "Unstuck by Michelle" four years ago. She supports clients in building confidence, creating authentic dating profiles, identifying healthier partners, and developing mindful, intentional approaches to dating. Michelle brings a unique trauma-informed perspective that's both grounded and refreshingly real to the dating world.

    Michelle's Instagram: @unstuckbymichelle 

    Michelle's Website

    *NEW* Michelle's TikTok: @unstuckbymichelle


    Michelle offers monthly dating support, beginning August 6, 2025. Please visit Michelle's website to find out more!


    STAY CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

    Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

    Show more...
    3 months ago
    44 minutes 50 seconds

    We're Dating the Same Guy
    EP 17: Tantric Dating: How to Move from Performance to Presence in Intimacy

    Transform your dating life through the ancient art of Tantra. In this episode, sex and relationship therapist Julie shares how tantric principles can help you break toxic dating patterns and create deeper, more authentic connections.


    EPISODE TIMELINE:

    • 04:22 - Welcome & Julie's Introduction
    • 07:34 - Julie's Unique Journey: From Yoga Pioneer to Sex Therapist
    • 13:07 - Working with Gopher Football & The Marsh Wellness Center
    • 16:52 - The Energy Healing School That Changed Everything
    • 19:42 - What is Tantra Really? (It's Not What You Think)
    • 23:07 - The Three Stages of Sexual Relationships
    • 26:32 - Energy Field Exercises for Couples
    • 30:52 - Push, Pull, Stop & Allow: Modulating Sexual Energy
    • 33:37 - Solo Tantric Practices for Singles
    • 37:02 - Creating Your Personal Tantric Mantra
    • 39:42 - The Lens of Love Self-Practice
    • 42:32 - Dating Tantrically: Holding the Paradox
    • 49:37 - Modern Dating Trends & Screen Addiction
    • 52:42 - Moving from Performance to Presence
    • 56:32 - The Four-Dimensional Wheel: Body, Mind, Spirit, Emotion
    • 59:52 - Why Ghosting is Energetic Violence
    • 63:07 - Final Advice: Honesty & Holding Paradox


    IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

    • The true meaning of Tantra beyond sexual misconceptions
    • How to practice energy awareness with potential partners
    • Practical tantric exercises you can do solo or with a partner
    • Why vulnerability is actually a superpower in dating
    • The paradox of being open while staying unattached
    • Solo tantric practices for single people
    • How to move from performance to presence in intimacy


    "Healthy intimate relationships are your birthright. When people get aligned in their sexuality, when their sexual life force energy is fully activated and connected to their hearts and spirits, they become the most thriving, unstoppable versions of themselves." - Julie


    CONNECT WITH JULIE:

    With over 30 years of experience in the healing arts, Julie Schmit began her journey as a yoga instructor and energy healer, helping to pioneer the yoga scene in the Twin Cities in the early 1990s. She is now a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and a certified couple’s therapist.

    Julie specializes in helping individuals and couples strengthen relationships, heal from trauma, reclaim pleasure, and build confidence—so they can experience more joy, passion, and intimacy in their lives. She brings a grounded, trauma-informed approach to her work, integrating somatic practices, energy awareness, and a deep respect for sexual diversity and inclusivity.

    At the heart of Julie’s philosophy is the belief that being truly seen, understood, and accepted is a powerful catalyst for healing. It’s her privilege to walk alongside her clients on their journey toward greater sexual fulfillment and relational aliveness.


    JULIE'S WEBSITE


    STAY CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

    Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

    Show more...
    4 months ago
    1 hour 3 minutes 50 seconds

    We're Dating the Same Guy
    EP 16: Choosing Love vs Falling in Love: Real Couple's 7-Year Guide to Conscious Relationships

    In this raw and intimate conversation, real couple Allison and Anthony share their 7-year journey from a casual Tinder meetup in a Costco parking lot to building a conscious, choice-based relationship. They open up about the difference between falling in love and choosing love daily, how they've navigated living in 5 different states together, and what it really takes to grow individually while building a partnership rooted in friendship and mutual respect.

    This isn't your typical relationship advice episode - it's an honest look at what happens when two people commit to choosing each other over and over again, even when it's hard. From their unique approach to conflict resolution to their perspective on marriage and external pressures, Allison and Anthony offer practical wisdom for anyone ready to date differently.


    EPISODE TIMELINE:

    • 00:00 - Introduction & Their Tinder Love Story
    • 08:15 - Six Months to Moving States Together
    • 12:30 - Falling vs Choosing Love: The Real Difference
    • 18:45 - Building Friendship as Your Foundation
    • 24:20 - Growing Together Without Growing Apart
    • 30:10 - How They Handle Conflict & Communication
    • 35:40 - External Pressures: Marriage & Family Opinions
    • 41:25 - One Piece of Advice to Date Differently


    IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

    • The difference between falling in love vs choosing to love every single day
    • Building friendship as your relationship foundation (even while dating)
    • How to fight constructively without damaging the relationship
    • Setting non-negotiables vs being flexible in your standards
    • Growing individually while growing together as a couple
    • Why your relationship should be about giving, not getting
    • How to handle external pressures about marriage and timelines

    "A relationship is not a place where you go to get. It's a place that you go to give." - Anthony


    CONNECT WITH ANTHONY AND ALLISON:

    Allison and Anthony are a real couple who've been together for almost 7 years, having met when Allison was 18 and Anthony was 24. Through their journey across 5 different states, they've built a relationship foundation based on conscious choice, deep friendship, and mutual growth. Anthony brings insights from his Tony Robbins background and entrepreneurial mindset, while Allison shares her perspective on maintaining femininity and authenticity while building partnership.

    Anthony's Instagram:

    Allison's Instagra:


    STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN:

    Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

    Show more...
    4 months ago
    46 minutes 9 seconds

    We're Dating the Same Guy
    EP 15: Dating as a Meditation: Sacred Self-Discovery Through Mindful Dating

    Have you ever considered that dating could be a form of meditation? In this transformative episode, KC Baker (founder of WomanSpeak and creator of Velvet Flow) shares her groundbreaking approach to conscious dating that will change how you truly think about relationships.


    EPISODE TIMELINE:

    • 00:00 - 02:30 - Introduction & Episode Setup
    • 02:30 - 07:15 - Guest Introduction & Background
    • 07:15 - 12:45 - KC's Dating Pattern Story
    • 12:45 - 18:30 -Dating as Meditation Concept
    • 18:30 - 23:00 - Practical Communication & Boundaries
    • 23:00 - 28:15 - Vetting for Consciousness & Compatibility
    • 28:15 - 34:45 -The Anxiety Breakthrough Moment
    • 34:45 - 40:20 - Going Slow vs. Following Impulses
    • 40:20 - 45:30 - Rebuilding Self-Trust After Heartbreak
    • 45:30 - 50:41 -Three Tangible Self-Love Practices


    IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

    • Dating as meditation: A revolutionary approach to self-discovery through dating
    • Breaking anxious attachment patterns and choosing peace over anxiety
    • The art of dating multiple people mindfully and ethically
    • How Qigong and feminine energy practices transform your dating life
    • Practical tools for developing radical self-trust and boundaries


    CONNECT WITH KC

    KC Baker has been a pioneer for the last 16 years in bringing a feminine approach to public speaking & leadership training with her unique embodiment and nervous system rewiring practices. Her company WomanSpeak has speaking circles around the world and teaches women how to cultivate the internal safety and freedom to speak up authentically in their personal & professional lives.

    Several years ago while running her company and raising her child, and after experiencing betrayal and loss of a significant romantic relationship, she experienced deep fatigue, stress, and health & hormone issues. She discovered Feminine Qi Gong practices and they completely transformed her energy, vitality & stress levels and healed her heart and womb.

    She has now started Velvet Flow, a practice incorporating sensual movement & Feminine Qi Gong to help women learn to use their sexual energy for creating greater health, deeper serenity & abiding happiness.

    She has spoken and taught at the United Nations in Switzerland, was an advisor on Authentic Communication for Senator Hillary Clinton's 2016 presidential campaign, and had supported women in speaking on stages like TED, Bioneers, the American Heart Association, Wisdom 2.0, & Emerging Women. She is a mama, a Certified Tantra & Taoist Teacher, a stewardess of sacred land in Sedona Arizona, and a deep lover of nature.

    Woman Speak

    Velvet Flow

    Instagram: @kc.baker

    Facebook: KC Baker


    STAY CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

    Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


    Show more...
    4 months ago
    50 minutes 41 seconds

    We're Dating the Same Guy
    EP 14: Why Men Aren't Approaching You IRL: Truth Behind Why Dating Apps Are Ruining Your Love Life

    Dating coach Joe Stroud pulls back the curtain on the male experience in modern dating. From why men seem emotionally checked out to the real dynamics shaping attraction, this conversation explores what happens when both men and women drop the performance and connect from truth. If you've ever wondered why dating feels so disconnected, this episode reveals the patterns keeping us all stuck.


    EPISODE TIMELINE:

    • 00:00-05:00 - Introduction: Why This Episode Might Ruffle Feathers
    • 05:00-12:00 - Meet Joe Stroud: From Dating Apps to Real-Life Connection
    • 12:00-18:00 - The #1 Pattern: Why Men Are Terrified of Approaching Women
    • 18:00-25:00 - Living at Your Edge: Why Most Men Aren't Interesting
    • 25:00-32:00 - The Flirting Formula: Masculine Energy Meets Playful Connection
    • 32:00-38:00 - Dating Without Masks: The Power of Authentic Self-Expression
    • 38:00-45:00 - Chasing vs. Pursuing: Reading the Signs and Body Language
    • 45:00-52:00 - The Dating Marketplace: Timelines, Standards, and Reality Checks
    • 52:00-58:00 - Adventure More: Joe's Final Advice for Dating Differently


    IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

    • Why technology and biology make men terrified to approach women in real life
    • The difference between chasing (needy) and pursuing (grounded) in dating
    • How living at your edge creates the stories and confidence that attract connection
    • The body language signals that say "approach me" without saying a word
    • Why the dating marketplace rewards different qualities at different life stages
    • The controversial truth about timelines, standards, and the 80-20 principle in dating
    • How to build community and create warm connections beyond apps and bars


    "All we want is to maintain our peace, some level of peace, and to be respected. That's it. That's the whole list. That's the entire list right there." - Joe Stroud


    CONNECT WITH JOE:

    Joe Stroud is a dating coach who helps men develop grounded masculine presence and connect authentically with women. He specializes in getting guys off dating apps and back into real-life social connection.


    Joe's Instagram: @_thejoeshow_


    STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN:

    Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


    Show more...
    4 months ago
    58 minutes 1 second

    We're Dating the Same Guy
    EP 13: Men's Mental Health After Divorce: The Hidden Grief + Shame No One Talks About

    Divorce is the second most painful life experience after losing a loved one - yet men's emotional journey through this grief is rarely discussed. In this raw, honest conversation, divorce coach Addison breaks down the silent struggle that men face after relationship loss and why traditional masculinity makes healing so much harder.


    EPISODE TIMELINE:

    • 00:00 Intro: Why everyone needs to hear this
    • 02:30 Meet Addison & his divorce story
    • 08:15 The patterns: grief, anger, shame
    • 15:20 Why men don't ask for help
    • 22:10 Creating space for male vulnerability
    • 30:45 The shame spiral that destroys relationships
    • 38:20 Little boy energy vs. emotional maturity
    • 43:50 Dating differently through clarity & vulnerability


    IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

    • The unique grief process men experience during divorce and breakups
    • Why shame and self-loathing consume so much emotional space after relationship loss
    • The difference between taking responsibility vs. drowning in blame
    • How emotional immaturity shows up as "little boy energy" in relationships
    • Why vulnerability is actually the strongest form of masculinity
    • The ripple effect of men's healing on families and communities
    • Practical ways to create emotional safety for the men in your life


    CONNECT WITH ADDISON:

    Addison Shock is a former Couples & Individuals Counselor turned Divorce Coach for Men with more than 15 years of experience in human development. Based in Costa Rica and Birmingham, AL, he specializes in helping men navigate divorce-related challenges, including anger, anxiety, shame, relationships, and lack of direction. His goal is to empower clients to develop emotional resilience, healthy relationships, and achieve a grounded, stable life. In his spare time, Addison enjoys surfing, basketball, and fly fishing.


    Addison's Website: addisonshockcoaching.com

    Addison's Instagram: @addisonshockcoaching


    STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN:

    Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

    Show more...
    5 months ago
    48 minutes 28 seconds

    We're Dating the Same Guy
    EP 12: The Law of Attraction & Releasing Control: The 4 Lies we Tell Ourselves in Dating

    Tired of dating the same type of guys over and over? Your mindset might be the problem. In this episode, we dive deep into how the law of attraction shapes your dating life and explore the 4 toxic beliefs that keep you stuck in negative dating patterns.


    EPISODE TIMELINE:

    • 00:00 - Intro: Why We Keep Dating the Same Guy
    • 01:45 - The Law of Attraction SparkNotes: Like Attracts Like
    • 03:30 - The Infinity Loop: How to Manifest Without Obsessing
    • 06:00 - The Helicopter Parent Analogy: Why Control Kills Manifestation
    • 08:15 - The 99% vs 1% Rule: What You Actually Control in Dating
    • 10:30 - Belief #1: "There Are No Good Men Left"
    • 12:45 - Belief #2: Love Must Happen on a Certain Timeline
    • 15:00 - Belief #3: "I'm Better Off Single Than Getting Hurt"
    • 17:30 - Belief #4: "If I Take a Break, I'll Miss My Chance"
    • 20:00 - Your Energy is Everything: Dating from Excitement vs Frustration
    • 22:30 - Challenge: Rewriting Your Limiting Beliefs


    IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

    • How your energy directly attracts (or repels) your ideal partner
    • The infinity loop technique for manifesting love without desperation
    • 4 subconscious beliefs that sabotage your dating success
    • Why surrendering control actually makes you more magnetic
    • How to shift from dating with fear to dating with excitement

    "We spent so much of our time trying to control things that are truly out of our hands: the timeline, the who, the how. When really our only job is to be in alignment and embody the best version of ourselves. 99% of our lives are really up to God, universe, source, whatever it is you believe in. We are only in charge of 1%."

    - Madden


    STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN:

    Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


    ✨If you loved this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review! And remember, we do not gatekeep when it comes to dating smarter so be sure to share it with a friend!

    Show more...
    5 months ago
    23 minutes 44 seconds

    We're Dating the Same Guy
    EP 11: How Somatic Healing Can Help You Break Trauma-Driven Dating Patterns

    Why do you keep attracting the same type of partner? Why do you get triggered by things that shouldn't logically bother you? Why can you understand your patterns cognitively but still repeat them?

    In this deeply transformative conversation, trauma-informed coach Jakob reveals why your body holds the answers that your mind can't access. This isn't just another therapy approach - it's a complete paradigm shift in how we heal relationship patterns.


    EPISODE TIMELINE:

    • 00:00 - Why we repeat the same relationship patterns
    • 12:20 - What somatic healing actually is (and why it works faster than therapy)
    • 22:15 - The difference between earning love vs. receiving love
    • 31:45 - How to take responsibility without playing victim
    • 39:30 - 3 ways to start somatic healing at home
    • 46:20 - What's possible when you heal your nervous system


    IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

    • Your body holds trauma that talk therapy can't reach
    • Taking responsibility = freedom (not blame)
    • Love addiction keeps you dating the same patterns
    • Somatic healing helps you respond vs. react in relationships


    "Most of us weren't loved for being - we were loved for doing, for performing, for pleasing. So in our nervous system, it gets ingrained that if I'm a good boy, if I'm a good girl, then I get love. Then we pick partners that trigger that same performative dance."

    - Jakob Gricar


    CONNECT WITH JAKOB:

    Jakob Gricar is a trauma-informed transformational coach who blends more than a decade of mastery in somatic work, internal family systems, ontological coaching, NLP, CBT, breathwork, polyvagal theory, and indigenous ceremony to catalyze profound inner change. From high-impact entrepreneurs navigating million-dollar decisions to purpose-driven creatives taking their very first steps in business, he guides clients to  create a capacity in their nervous systems to handle all of life, dismantle limiting identities, and remember the unshakable truth beneath the noise. Jakob’s sessions are an alchemy of precise nervous-system science as taught to him directly by pioneers in somatics, mix of modalities from CBT, IFS, NLP and more to fierce ontological accountability.

    His own journey began at 13, when healing a chronic illness through relentless spiritual disciplines proved that the body can be a doorway to the miraculous. That spark ignited years of radical exploration: seasons of homelessness that forged unfiltered humility; near-death initiations that clarified what truly matters; yogic study in India’s ashrams; and deep plant-medicine studies with Shipibo, Mestizo, Yawanawa and Huni Kuin medicine keepers in the Amazon rainforest. Along the way, he built a retreat center in Guatemala and co-created a conscious community and event space in Mexico, while learning from Judith Johnso, a 83 year old pioneer in somatic work. 

    Today Jakob collaborates with world-renowned coaches, and facilitates in their online and in person containers, mentors other business leaders, and guides deep in-person experiences through Vortex Retreats and co-runs a high-touch online coaching program for women. 



    https://jakobgricar.com/ 










    Show more...
    5 months ago
    48 minutes 59 seconds

    We're Dating the Same Guy
    EP 10: Why Your Brain Keeps Choosing the Wrong Partners: The Trauma Connection

    This powerful episode with Dr. Linnea Swanson, MFT and brain spotting trainer, explores how trauma becomes encoded in our nervous system and unconsciously guides our relationship choices. Learn why that "spark" might actually be a warning sign, how generational trauma impacts dating patterns, and practical strategies to rewire your brain for healthier relationships. Essential listening for anyone wondering why they keep attracting the same type of partner despite wanting something different.


    EPISODE TIMELINE

    • 00:00 - Introduction to Dr. Linnea and her work
    • 04:36 - Understanding trauma and its impact on relationships
    • 09:12 - How the limbic system affects dating choices
    • 14:47 - The unconscious pull toward familiar relationship dynamics
    • 19:42 - Generational trauma and its hidden influence
    • 24:30 - Why the "spark" might signal danger, not compatibility
    • 28:15 - Breaking trauma patterns and dating differently
    • 32:08 - Final advice for healthier relationship choices


    IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE

    • How trauma gets encoded in your brain and body, creating unconscious relationship patterns
    • Why perpetrators and victims continue to find each other, even in a room of 100 people
    • The truth about "chemistry" and why that initial spark might be your trauma recognizing something familiar
    • Practical strategies to slow down, balance emotions with logic, and build relationships that grow rather than ignite


    "Trauma, essentially, the core of it is that it's an experience that a person has that completely overwhelms their system. And our brain's number one job is to keep us alive. So what happens during a traumatic experience is that there's some threat to the person. Maybe it's not actually to their life, but maybe it's some deep emotional threat, some deep psychological threat, right? And so the brain has to mobilize and go into what I think a lot of people are often familiar with, either fleeing the situation, fighting, or freezing"

    - Dr. Linnea Swanson


    CONNECT WITH DR. LINNEA SWANSON

    Linnea Swanson, Psy.D., M.A., LMFT (she/her/hers) is a Brainspotting Trainer and owner of Twinflower Psychological Services, LLC, located on the ancestral land of the Dakhóta people, now known as Minneapolis, MN. Dr. Swanson has been a therapist for over 20 years having worked in school, county, and private practice settings. She recently ended her 17 year teaching career as a professor in several different MFT graduate programs. She is currently in private practice and leads Brainspotting trainings in the U.S. and South Korea. Dr. Swanson’s clinical practice is focused on working with individuals, couples and families. Dr. Swanson has a particular interest in working with adult transracial, transnational adoptees, interracial couples and couples in CNM relationships.


    More about Dr. Linnea Swanson and her private practice website: Twinflowerpsych.com


    STAY CONNECT WITH MADDEN

    Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


    ✨If you loved this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review! And remember, we do not gatekeep when it comes to dating smarter so be sure to share it with a friend!


    Show more...
    5 months ago
    33 minutes 35 seconds

    We're Dating the Same Guy
    We're Dating the Same Guy uncovers the dating patterns we all repeat—whether we realize it or not—and, more importantly, how to break them. From attachment styles and intimacy to feminine and masculine energy, red flags, self-sabotage, and rebuilding your relationship with yourself, we dive deep into what’s really driving your love life. With expert guests and real-life dating stories, these raw, eye-opening conversations will help you stop dating on autopilot. If we don’t change our patterns, we’re just dating the same guy… over and over again. It’s time to date differently.