In this episode, we dive into the art of observing other people's feelings without taking them on as our own.
Join us as we explore practical strategies for maintaining emotional boundaries in close relationships with family, friends, and partners. Discover the role emotional regulation plays in this process, and get inspired by our hopes for finding real-life ways to practice this approach.
Tune in for insightful conversations and tips on how to stay empathetic yet emotionally grounded.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Observing not absorbing [1:36]
Relearning communication and trust in marriage [10:11]
Empathy and boundaries in therapy [17:45]
Navigating personal relationships while maintaining professional boundaries [23:41]
Navigating emotions and conflicts in a relationship [24:08]
THREE WAYS TO SUPPORT OUR MISSION:
*A portion of our proceeds goes towards our therapy fund for Black adults.
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
Join us for this insightful conversation with special guest, Dr. Cicely Brathwaite–psychologist, consultant, and author of Self-Care Activities for Women: 101 Practical Ways to Slow Down and Reconnect With Yourself.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Focus on Self-Care and Systemic Impacts [4:30]
The realization during the dissertation on African American women that societal messages discourage self-care among welfare recipients.
Concern over cognitive decline observed in family members (grandmother and great aunts) led to exploring health disparities and preventive measures.
Recognition that environments influenced by racism and sexism contribute to health disparities among Black individuals.
Self-care can help mitigate negative systemic impacts.
The role of pleasure and well-being practices in counteracting societal challenges.
Aim to make self-care a legacy for 1 million Black individuals, integrating it into their everyday lives and passing it on to future generations.
Importance of Teaching Self-Cares [15:08]
The historical roots of self-care stigma. The negative associations with rest and self-care dating back to times of enslavement.
Reference to how enslaved ancestors were plied with liquor during times of rest, associating leisure with negativity.
Generational differences in attitudes towards self-care, with previous generations focusing more on survival and work ethic.
Cultural and systemic barriers that hinder individuals from prioritizing self-care, such as a 24/7 work culture and internalized programming.
Self-care is a pathway to empowerment, allowing individuals to take control of their health and well-being.
The 3 types of self-care: Regular, Restorative and Responsive.
Embracing Diverse Self-Care Practices and Family Traditions [29:20]
Some coping mechanisms used in the past were effective for their time and circumstances, even if they might not be suitable today. This perspective helps release feelings of judgment towards oneself and others for past behaviors.
The significant role of family-led prayers, has played in maintaining family resilience and well-being. This tradition deserves acknowledgment and respect.
Valuing the tradition of learning and recording family recipes from elders as a way to preserve heritage and strengthen family bonds.
Creating a playlist of songs that evoke joy as a practical and enjoyable self-care activity. This playlist can be used to uplift spirits and maintain positive emotions.
Developing and practicing responses to microaggressions helps manage emotional triggers and maintain composure in challenging situations.
Acknowledging the value of naps as a restorative and necessary form of self-care, Recognizing naps as essential for functioning optimally.
Overcoming Resistance and Embracing Growth in Self-Care Practices [35:21]
Revisit unsuccessful activities. Persistence fosters growth and healing through continuous effort.
Understand that the brain resists change due to negativity bias, helping to develop new habits despite discomfort.
Adopt a mindset of trying new activities multiple times to overcome initial discomfort and accurately assess their value.
Embrace all aspects of your personality and interests. Persistence in bringing groups together reflects the importance of integrating all facets of life.
THREE WAYS TO SUPPORT OUR MISSION:
*A portion of our proceeds goes towards our therapy fund for Black adults.
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
Join this special convo with Brandon Scott, CEO and Co-Founder of Tequila with Friends, a Dallas-based tequila brand. After a surprising Type 1 diabetes diagnosis during his first semester of college, Brandon discovered that tequila was the only type of liquor that his body metabolized well. Now 15 years later, he ties some of his fondest moments to tequila and the people around him who’ve supported his journey.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Navigating Diagnosis and Acceptance [0:00]
Being diagnosed with type one diabetes during the first day at the University of Texas at Austin.
The importance of having supportive friends who encourage seeking medical help and providing emotional support during the diagnosis process.
Navigating misdiagnosis and quickly learning how to manage the condition.
Humor and coping mechanisms help deal with the challenges of living with diabetes.
Embracing the condition as part of his life story while refusing to let it define him entirely.
Fostering Inclusivity and Support in Communities [14:35]
Normalizing health conditions within communities reduce stigma and ostracization.
Take time to educate oneself and others about managing health conditions.
The significance of offering support and assistance to individuals with health challenges, creates a welcoming and inclusive environment.
Promoting a communal mindset where everyone brings their own "baggage," fostering a sense of understanding and solidarity.
The journey of acceptance [19:06]
Frustration and helplessness are reactions when diagnosed with an illness upon diagnosis,
Taking control of the situation and acknowledging the importance of personal support networks.
Sharing experiences with others and providing encouragement to those facing similar challenges can be helpful.
The importance of resilience and perseverance through various stages.
Pay attention to your body and seek medical attention when necessary.
Nurturing Health with Accountability [33:17]
How to navigate health challenges and grief without shame.
Avoiding deprivation and recognizing it as unsustainable and unrealistic. Focus on balance and self-awareness instead.
Pay attention to how your body responds to alcohol consumption, and consult a doctor if experiencing adverse reactions.
The possibility of alcohol allergies or intolerances if experiencing discomfort after drinking.
Drinking responsibly and in moderation. Pay attention to how you feel during and after consumption, and make adjustments accordingly.
THREE WAYS TO SUPPORT OUR MISSION:
*A portion of our proceeds goes towards our therapy fund for Black adults.
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Tequilla with Friends website: https://www.tequilawithfriends.com/
Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tequilawithfriends/
Visit their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/tequilawithfriends/
Email them at: info@tequilawithfriends.com
Give Brandon a follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brankscott/?hl=en
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
Both God and therapy are essential to any healing journey. For this replay of our first live podcast event, we’re joined by Broderick McBride—intercessor, teacher, and mental health advocate who fully believes that mental health and spirituality go hand-in-hand. Take a listen to discover how they’ve helped him overcome trauma and depression, and practical tips to help you, too.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Trauma, grief, and healing through therapy and self-discovery [3:59]
Some relationships with trauma may actually start from the womb.
Finding one's voice and being their own person, creates a safe space for expression despite difficult circumstances.
The power of prayer and having faith in God helps in overcoming trauma.
Unlearning harmful beliefs and healing through therapy [16:52]
Inspiring individuals to embrace therapy as a means of fostering self-awareness and personal growth.
Fostering a growth mindset that embraces vulnerability, honesty, and openness in conversations about creates a safe and supportive environment
Urging a shift towards integrating spirituality and therapy to cultivate a more fulfilling life journey.
Navigating the Influence of Fathers: Overcoming Perfectionism and Redefining Masculinity [17:09]
Fathers play a significant role in shaping perceptions of masculinity, often instilling a sense of perfectionism and adherence to traditional ideals.
Avoiding therapy due to fear that admitting struggles detracts from success or masculinity.
Mental health and Christianity [21:04]
The importance of self-awareness and personal growth through therapy and spiritual practices.
Jesus' teachings show that healing is within us, not in external actions
The importance of self-awareness and personal growth through therapy and spiritual practices.
Healing, Boundaries and Relationships [38:14]
Experiences of healing and forgiveness, confronting past traumas and negative emotions.
Setting boundaries in relationships may initially cause friction but will ultimately lead to healing and growth.
We may lose friends and family as we learn to prioritize our own needs in relationships.
THREE WAYS TO SUPPORT OUR MISSION:
Rate us on Apple or you can follow and subscribe to us on YouTube
Attend an event in the Atlanta area or sponsor someone to attend*
Purchase our merch, there’s a lot of selection on our website*
*A portion of our proceeds are going towards our therapy fund for Black adults.
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Follow Broderick on Instagram: @broderick.mcbride
Broderick’s Facebook account: https://www.facebook.com/people/Broderick-L-McBride/
Visit Broderick’s website: https://www.broderickmcbride.com/
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
We’re always talking man to man, but today’s episode is for the ladies. Join us for a few thoughts for the Black women in our lives from a Black man’s perspective.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Mental health and emotional wellness for Black men [4:11]
The importance of creating a safe space for black men to share their experiences and heal
Scott’s story of feeling like a failure as a man, feeling isolated in his struggles, and his journey towards mental wealth
Breaking the stigma surrounding mental health in the Black community.
The struggles that men face these days [10:43]
The pressure to be an ideal spouse on social media
The disconnect between marriages on social media vs. marriages in real life
The idea that there’s only a certain level of happiness that men are allowed to have
Our continual journey towards “learning themselves” [15:47]
Learning not to love excessively
Setting boundaries
Having empathy and openness within relationships
The whole journey of healing is learning ourselves for the first time
What men want women to know [21:31]
There’s power in admitting that “I’m still learning myself”
Getting rid of toxic masculinity
Accepting that men can be emotional
The struggle of “assertive communication”
Balancing love with boundary
Grace with guidance [31:57]
Gathering and talking with people navigating the same journey
Having a brave space that holds each other accountable
Choosing to have difficult, honest conversations rather than developing resentment
Biggest lessons around healing as a Black man [39:53]
The answers are not required
Honor whatever you have—especially when there were moments that you didn’t have any
There is joy to be found and being able to be on the journey
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at thelovehaze@gmail.com
THREE WAYS TO SUPPORT OUR MISSION:
Rate us on Apple or you can follow and subscribe to us on YouTube
Attend an event in the Atlanta area or sponsor someone to attend*
Purchase our merch, there’s a lot of selection on our website*
*A portion of our proceeds are going towards therapy for Black adults
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Listen to Out Of My Mind, song by Erykah Badu
Listen to It's A Man's World, song by James Brown
Listen to Come to the Light, song by Jill Scott
Listen to Slowly Surely, song by Jill Scott
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
Join us for a special convo with Ashley Sutton, founder and CEO of Hustle and Hope Cards. From facing rejection to grinding, making room for faith, and much more, we unpack what it means to have both hustle and hope.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
The story of Hustle and Hope Cards [3:23]
Ashley’s relationship with hustle and hope
How Ashley grew up with innate entrepreneurial spirit
Balancing hustle and hope
Why greeting cards are the best [13:26]
A great way to acknowledge and encourage someone’s effort
A lovely way to say ‘I see you’ and ‘I acknowledge your hard work’
Hustle and Hope Cards’ special free guide on how to give and receive gratitude
How greeting cards are bringing back genuine thoughtfulness and communication between people
Hustle and Hope Cards’ impact [16:50]
Getting rid of the stigma that cards are cheap and insignificant
Sending the message “I see you and I want to help you” through greeting cards
Supporting the idea that handmade gifts are actually thoughtful and the nicest thing that anybody could do for another
Seeing ‘hustle,’ which usually has a negative connotation, in a positive light
The harmony between hustle and hope
Having a passion that fills your own and other people’s cup
Greeting card business tips [29:59]
Having a sell sheet with all the necessary details
Being ready for rejection (because it will happen)
Being ‘teachable’ amidst rejections
Biggest lessons around hustle and hope [34:00]
Keep your business grounded in purpose and intention
It’s hard to have faith and hope, but you have to have it
Don’t control anything; make space for God’s miracles
Just because the results look different doesn’t mean you’re failing
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Follow Ashley on Instagram: @hustleandhope
Visit Hustle and Hope Cards’ website: https://hustleandhopecards.com/
Listen to You Gotta Be, a song by Des’ree
Listen to Who’s That Girl, a song by Eve
Listen to Hustle Hard, a song by Ace Hood and Rick Ross
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
We’ve been thinking a lot about chaos vs peace. In today’s episode, we’re unpacking the idea of changing our default setting, specifically when that default is chaos.
We invite you to reflect on your default setting and consider the possibility of embracing peace amidst life's chaos. Remember, healing is a journey, and every step towards self-discovery is a victory worth celebrating.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Default setting of chaos and destabilization [1:43]
The constant cycle of being displeased with yourself
A pattern of self-doubt and dissatisfaction
The struggle to let go of the idea that you should keep moving to the next level
How boredom triggers you to find chaos
Our constant desire to find chaos is rooted from the feeling of not enoughness
Unhealthy comparison (i.e. your life vs. others’ lives as seen on social media) can contribute to the feeling of not enoughness
The belief that too much happiness is a prelude to something awful
NOT choosing chaos over peace [12:03]
How Shaté, who’s always chosen peace, chose chaos in her finances
Learning to be grateful for what you have and acknowledging answered prayers
How not to have a regret-filled life
Finding joy and gratitude in where you are now instead of continuing to search for it
Let’s talk about healing—changing/reprogramming your default settings [19:51]
Changing the narrative that you're telling yourself
Changing the way you talk to yourself—language matters!
Remembering that wherever you are in life:
There are so many things to be grateful for
You worked hard for it and you deserve credit
Actionable steps to reprogram your default settings [27:24]
Evaluating why you need help
Determining the change you want to see
Developing a treatment plan
Shaté encourages seeking help from a therapist/accountability buddy or any type of mentor who could keep you in check
Not being to hard on yourself and remembering that healing is NOT linear
Biggest lessons around choosing peace [34:27]
Always factor in peace when making decisions—you won’t ever go wrong
Never allow people step over the boundaries you’ve set for yourself
Friends, we’re very happy to announce our first live podcast event in the Atlanta area, and it’s happening in March.
A portion of all of our proceeds are going towards subsidizing or covering the cost of therapy for black adults. More details soon, hope to see you there!
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
In a world that often demands our constant attention and care for others, it's easy to overlook the most crucial relationship of all—the one we have with ourselves.
We’re back with a new look and new name, but the healing vibes are still the same! Join our first convo as Healing Myself to discover why it's so important to heal your relationship with yourself first.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Why is it so important to save/heal yourself first? [3:21]
Don’t let your trauma become who you are
Healing yourself first gives you the opportunity to have healthy relationships with others
You show up differently when you’re healed
Being intentional with the way you talk to yourself and to others
The value of saving yourself—the hard parts [7:06]
How people show up could be a reflection of the demons they’re fighting
Being careful with you who you emulate
The importance of communicating what you need
Realizing that you are enough is they key to a healthy relationship with yourself and others
The moment you stopped trusting yourself
What happened that made you second guess yourself?
The value of saving yourself—the healing [15:13]
Having the mindset to move towards the life you aspire
Setting a vision and relentlessly working make it happen
It’s hard when the villains seem to be winning
The tedious journey towards that realization that you are valuable and worthy
By not communicating what you need in a relationship, you are doing yourself a great disservice
What makes healing harder than you thought [23:17]
Setting boundaries and seeing it through (it’s hard!)
Choosing yourself could feel uncomfortable
You DON’T need to hold yourself to impossible standards
Biggest lessons around healing yourself [31:10]
Choosing yourself needs an every day practice
Your relationship with yourself is the most important one
Healing yourself is a continual process
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
The Love Haze: Episode 55, "SOS...Saving OurSelves"
Listen to On & On, song by Erykah Badu
Listen to I’m Doin’ Me, song by Fantasia
Listen to They Just Don’t Know, song by Gyft
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
We’ve spent the last three years and change having some of the most cathartic, transparent and transformative conversations about stuck places, the hazes, and healing all parts of us. And now it's time for more. We believe what’s next is gonna blow our minds! Join us as we talk through that and two special announcements.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Knowing when it is time to pivot [5:08]
When a normal routine starts to feel uncomfortable
Feeling exhausted and burnt out
Pivoting doesn’t always mean knowing exactly what the next steps would be
The haze of pivoting [15:01]
Leaving your area of your comfort is a daunting pursuit
The older you get, the more there are at stake
Relinquishing control is a concept that is hard to grasp despite the reality that none of us ever really have it
Navigating the haze [20:42]
Getting used to the idea that things will not always go our way
Doing the right thing despite not seeing the desired outcome
Acknowledging fear but moving forward anyway
Biggest lessons surrounding pivoting [26:51]
You can pivot… and still not be irresponsible and reckless
Understanding that walking into your purpose is NOT pain-free
Made for more announcements and reminders [36:21]
Shaté’s participation in Rachel Rodgers’ business coaching certification program
The Love Haze is evolving into something more, something bigger…
Healing is NOT being selfish
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
Here’s one more episode from one of the podcasts we’ve had the pleasure of joining over the past few months.
In this episode, we joined forces with Celeste the Therapist and really dug deep on healing the Black community. Traumas, triggers, and even slavery came up on this one. Hard truths and healing revelations, y’all.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Therapy, religion and suffering [4:24]
Struggling with depression in the church
Long suffering, hellfire and brimstone as badges of honor
The roots of Christianity and slavery
The scarcity mindset
The turning point [7:13]
Personal therapy
Being everything for everyone else
Realizing when your needs change
Black men and mental health [11:23]
How black men have to show up in spaces
The idea that men have to be stoic
Using vices to cover up emotions
Functioning but unable to hold weight
Stuffing feelings away
Racial trauma
The tendency to suffer in silence
Black women and mental health [16:11]
People pleasing and anxiety
Unlearning things as an adult
Reading and learning different perspectives
Physical manifestations of emotional pain
Black women in corporate America [27:28]
Watching your face and reactions as a black woman in corporate America
Having conversations in the workplace about race
The importance of self-advocacy and articulation
Creating The Love Haze [30:38]
A space to speak truth
Having conversations no one was having
Guilt vs. shame
Figuring out the art of transition
The struggle to begin [39:19]
Making choices towards who you’re trying to become
Accepting fear and evolving from it
Seeing yourself as something other than what you are currently
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Listen to Black Folk, song by Tank and The Bangas
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
And another one! Here’s another one of the dope Black podcasts we’ve had the pleasure of joining over the past few months: Kickin' It With KeKe: Life, Love, & All That Other SHIT
In this episode, we kick it with KeKe Chanel as we talk about mindset, healing, boundaries, and everything in between. This was such an authentic and transparent conversation about so many of the things that matter most in life. You’re really gonna want to listen to this one all the way through.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Discussing mindset and personal development [4:59]
Becoming the best and highest version of yourself
Doing interpersonal work on self worth and self esteem
Give people the opportunity to show up for you and be okay if they don’t
Our relationship with ourselves as the basis for how we show up in the world
Our thoughts color how or what shows up in our lives
Should I take things personally? [11:34]
Understanding that everything is personal BUT we don’t have to take it personally
Setting boundaries
Knowing when to walk away
The level of honest communication we should have
Working together to build a team [22:19]
Building a team vs a partnership
Showing up as a whole person
Building mutual respect and collaboration
There is no real leader
Giving yourself grace [31:07]
Talking about our struggles absolutely help—talk to a therapist, a pastor, a friend, anyone
Understanding that our present trauma has something to do with our past trauma
Normalizing having having healthy, effective conversations
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
Here’s another one of the dope Black podcasts we’ve had the pleasure of joining over the past few months. In this episode, we’re sharing our conversation with Dom L’Amour on The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast, where we talked about how the messages we received as kids that may have kept us stuck, communication, and a number of the other unspoken hazes of life.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR
The privilege of open communication [6:13]
Creating a safe space for your partner to communicate freely
Unlearning negative communication styles from childhood
Being able to show up in the world the way you want
Understanding our parents were also in survival mode and possibly didn’t have this privilege
How our mindset shapes our lives
Healing origin story and the need for change [14:29]
Learning to express our wants and desires early
Growing as a person separately while in a relationship
What real, mature relationship looks like
Learning communication as an adult
Breaking your own heart
Why communication is crucial to make relationships work [22:12]
Love language as a means to communicate
We can’t always assume that the other person knows what we want and need—it is our responsibility to tell them
Lack of awareness could sometimes hurt us
Open communication with children [29:05]
The dangers of shielding children from “adult” situations
Safe spaces for children to communicate
Exposure to real life/world situations and conversations
Being a “woke” adult with “soft, unaware” children
Breakthrough and reflection [37:42]
Stuck places from childhood
Familial dynamics
Having the desire to be in tune with yourself
Conversations surrounding sex [38:57]
The birds and bees with your parents
Who talked to your about sex for the first time
Church purity culture
Everything about our behavior is based on our ‘why’ [50:52]
The importance of seeing people for who they really are
The why behind The Love Haze Podcast + our mission
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
The Five Love Languages, book by Gary Chapman
Listen to Issues/Hold On, song by Teyana Taylor
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
If you caught episode 70, then you know we weren’t sure if we’d be able to make the last five episodes of the year happen because we’ve been through a lot lately, and we wanted a break. Well, we decided to find a way to work smarter instead of giving up. We’ve been blessed to be guests on a number of other podcasts this year, and we’re sharing a few of those episodes and reflections. Up first, is our convo with Natasha and Damian Carrillo of Black and Brown Make Green Podcast. We had an honest money convo, and we can’t wait to share it with you!
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
The story of how we met [6:43]
Dating and ghosting… And dating and ghosting
Dating pre and post social media and dating apps
Our history with money [14:48]
Scott’s history with money
How our histories with money affected our marriage
Discussing gender roles in money
Learning to partner as a couple and not roommates [17:44]
Discussing relationships we saw growing up
Learning what each other desired
Seeking help from a financial advisor
Working past differing opinions [20:45]
Navigating childhood and racial traumas
The scarcity mindset
Who is the breadwinner/tackling “traditional gender roles”
Honoring your husband as head of the household
Being self aware [24:44]
Where is this reaction coming from?
Marriage counseling/therapy
Addressing past triggers in marriage
Boundaries and communication
The three things you need to better communicate [31:03]
Understand
Express
Affirm
The biggest lessons we learned [33:58]
Do not be afraid to seek help, even BEFORE things get hard.
Be self aware of your past so that it doesn’t hinder your future.
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Listen to C.R.E.A.M., song by Wu-Tang Clan
Listen to Get Money, song by Junior M.A.F.I.A
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
Listen y'all, we have wanted to quit podcasting so many times. As recently as this weekend, we seriously entertained letting it go because life has been out here life-ing. But thankfully, we’ve gotten a reframing that’s helped us, and we hope it’ll help y’all too.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
There will be moments when you feel like giving up [5:24]
We need to learn how to pivot and start all over again rather than moping over our loss
Why taking your hands off of something could sometimes be a good thing
The reason why most people quit
Trusting the process and sticking through the uncomfortability
Continually working towards something despite not having tangible results
The haze of seeing through the ‘promise of purpose’ [17:09]
Waiting could be a exhausting
Our need to be always in control
It’s hard to continue when we’re not certain with the outcome
The struggle in finding the sweet spot between mindfulness and being future-focused
Building the body of work while evolving
Navigating the haze [26:52]
Celebrating the pace of our progress, the small wins along the way
Thinking of the possibilities that could go our way when we keep moving forward—possibility over prize
Biggest lessons [35:49]
Success doesn’t always mean reward as hard work is not always rewarded (and that’s okay!)
Impact alone is enough to keep pushing
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Listen to enLIGHTened, an album by Peter Collins
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
We talk a lot about communication and boundaries for our personal lives, and a lot of those same principles can be applied to our professional relationships, too. Self-advocacy is universal, but it's also so personal, y'all. Join us as we unpack that.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Self-advocacy and setting boundaries in professional relationships [1:20]
Some leaders, especially people of color, seem unaware that they can advocate for themselves
Scott’s story of how he realized that he has the right to advocate for himself
Being a team player DOES NOT mean you can’t say no
Most organizations prioritize their interest over your well-being, so make sure to look out for yourself
Setting boundaries around your time to prioritize self-care and avoid burnout and overcommitting
Ways to set boundaries at work [17:37]
Clearly communicating your availability to protect and honor your time (e.g. putting a sign on your office door)
Remembering that people can overstep your boundaries only if you let it
Putting guardrails around how you spend your time (i.e.putting Slack notes to notify people of what you’re currently doing)
Setting goals with your team as a way to also respect their time
The haze of setting boundaries at work [21:15]
Some people struggle with understanding boundaries
Having conversations about setting boundaries could be difficult
Asserting boundaries can sometimes make you feel like you’re being mean
Setting boundaries with a peer could be manageable, but doing so with your superior can be hard
Having a “ruinous empathy” rather than offering to meet halfway
The fear of being replaced to prove your enoughness
Navigating the haze [43:44]
Getting the support that you need
Asserting your boundaries in a respectful way
Biggest lessons [45:06]
You can’t advocate for others if you can’t advocate for yourself
People will do what you allow them to do—it’s a disservice to both you and other person
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Listen to Pardon by T.I. and Lil Baby
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
Life is always out here doing what it wants to do, and there’s nothing we can really do about it. So what could it look like to accept that, to learn how to go with the flow, and grow through it, too? Join us as we process through it.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Life teaches us that it is NOT linear [3:42]
Our tendency to have our life planned chronologically
Life is not as easy as going from point A to point B to point C. You could be at any point, then have to go three steps back (how the world had to deal with COVID, for example)
How Shaté planned to marry at 25 but ended up getting married at 38
Our relationships and careers will never be linear—we’ll always experience pivots
Always choosing to follow your heart path
Giving people the freedom to just be becoming [12:07]
People are allowed to change career paths
Stop asking kids what they want to be when they grow up. They don’t know, even some adults don’t!
Learning doesn’t stop when we graduate. We should be habitual students of life.
Life is HARD. But if we learn to grow through
Why Scott hates the statement “learn to live life on life's terms”
Learning to appreciate every season [18:58]
If you keep on wishing for a different season, you’ll never appreciate the beauty of the current one
The haze of going with the flow [22:31]
It’s hard to see the silver lining when your sacrifices don’t give you the one thing that you want
Reframing our thinking could be a challenge
Navigating the haze [26:02]
It’s normal to feel hurt when things don’t go as planned, but don’t stay there
Looking for support to help you get through the tough times
Language matters!
Letting God take charge and do the rest (instead of fighting His will)
“Redefining what the fruit looks like”
“Trust and adjust” as a way to navigate the haze
Whatever we have, wherever we are, they’re all good enough for us to start
Biggest lessons around trusting the process [37:01]
Learning how to zoom out to see the bigger picture—this is how we can find a way to thrive in life
Being present and giving yourself the freedom to experience life as it is
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Listen to Kick, Push by Lupe Fiasco
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
Life has been life-ing, y’all. And when we’re in seasons like this, it’s easier for our emotions to get the best of us. So in this episode, we’re talking through the value of holding onto your emotions even when everything else feels like it’s falling through the cracks.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Showing up in tough seasons [2:37]
What exactly is emotional regulation?
Finding the grade to regulate your emotions
How to have self-awareness
Growing through the difficulties
Being cool, calm, and collected under pressure
How you act differently when you’re tired
The key to having high EQ
Navigating emotions in the neurodivergence spectrum
Healing from “not enoughness” [14:24]
Understanding that we have different level of needs
Feeling that you are not enough could lead to shutting down others
Realizing that there is nothing wrong with pure, ra, and honest emotion— it just needs parameters
Whatever you feel, don’t let it control your emotion
Controlling your emotions, so they don't control you
The haze of regulating your emotions [18:21]
Being in autopilot you sometimes barely care about what other people might feel around you
Most people don’t realize that therapy is NOT healing; it merely allows you to harness your own healing
Thinking that a mistake or setback is an opportunity to learn is difficult
Being present in the moment could be exhausting
We’re still figuring out how to give ourselves permission to take a step back and just breathe
Figuring out ways on how to get out of a toxic environment and care for your well-being
Navigating the hell of a haze of regulating your emotions [30:16]
Withdrawing from always wanting to feel good—you’re NOT a baby that always needs to be pacified
Working on understanding human emotions and that there are days that you’ll feel different emotions (You should not let these temporary emotions dictate your decisions)
Learning to address your childhood wounds so they don’t up consuming you
Biggest lessons around emotion regulation [35:28]
Pausing before responding can do wonders to your relationships (because things you’ve said in the heat of the moment can probably be forgiven, but not forgotten)
DON’T make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions
Being emotional is NOT a negative thing!
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
The Color of Emotional Intelligence by Farrah Harris
The Love Haze: Episode 53, "Bigger than my bottom."
The Love Haze: Episode 35, "The stories we tell ourselves."
The Love Haze: Episode 41, "Re-parenting your inner child."
Listen to It’s a Beautiful Day by TRINIX
Listen to Regulate by Warren G
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
Today, we’re coming for all the inherent problem solvers out there. When your loved ones share their problems with you, it’s almost second nature for some of us to jump right into solution-ing. But what does it look like to just listen, to just be a safe space for your loved one to work through their problem on their own? Well, we’re about to eff around and find out.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
There are problems that are not yours to solve [3:09]
Sometimes, it doesn’t help to tell people how to solve a problem, especially when you see things in different perspectives
People solve problems in different paces
The self centered perspective on problem solving
In order to own the outcomes of our choices, we sometimes need to solve things on our own—this helps us avoid blame-shifting
Letting our loved ones solve their problems while being there for them [10:43]
Being there when they need to vent
Providing suggestions only when asked
Empower them to have more autonomy, make more decisions on their own
The haze of letting our loved ones fight their battles [14:19]
If you give them the answer, you take away the opportunity of letting them find the answer and learn on their own
“I'm not just gonna do it for you, but I'm here to support you” can be received in a wrong way
Always solving others’ problems can lead to codependency
The struggle to set boundaries
Navigating the haze [21:24]
Asking people the kind of help they need, and being clear if you can provide it
Asking people, “How can I support you?”
Trusting your loved ones that they’re strong enough to solve their own problems
Biggest lessons [27:17]
If you often solve others’ problems, you might end up expecting them to do the same for you
You need to see if a loved one is being too dependent on you
Simply asking “What do you think?” and letting them decide could go a really long way
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Listen to Can’t Tell Me Nothing by Kanye West
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
Listen, if we hear ONE more person come for #BlackLoveDoc, it’s gon’ be a problem. With the recent news of Ms. Tina Knowles-Lawson’s divorce, commenters have been pretty hard on the show, calling it cursed because five of the couples featured have gone their separate ways. Well, we have plenty to say about that, and we got time today.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
The Black Love Journey [3:51]
The Black Love documentary is not about the do’s and don'ts; it’s simply a representation of Black love
Out of the 70-80 couples featured in 5 seasons, about 5 couples have broken up—this should not be viewed as a curse
In every separation lies the story of resilience and the beauty of standing up for what really would make you happy
The constant fear of being judged [16:50]
The struggle to be someone who respects his own humanity… and others’
People tend to look for the drama
You need to give yourself permission to wiggle out of relationships that are no longer in alignment with who you want to be
Being divorced is NOT the end of life
The haze of choosing the way out [23:55]
You will encounter people who don’t honor your journey, your story
The “negative publicity”
Understanding the separation can be for the better
Breaking free from guilt and shame can be a challenge
Finding the courage to share your story despite the judgment that may come your way
Facing biases (how the Black community is perceived)
Navigating the haze [32:03]
Giving yourself to love, make mistakes, and learn
Getting rid of the notion that you/your life can be perfect
Letting others see your humanity
Being your authentic self, unafraid to share your story
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Listen to I Was Here by Beyonce
Listen to Real Love by Mary J. Blige
Love Again by Daniel Caesar and Brandy
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
We’ve all been taught that it’s a good thing to give someone the benefit of the doubt? It essentially means to assume good intent, right? But when it comes to self-doubt, that changes the game. Let’s unpack who benefits when we dim our light and play small.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
We tend to assume good intent [3:44]
When we always assume that the other person means well, we get harder on ourselves
Women are taught to act/react in a certain way
There are four main-reasons why we self-sabotage
The struggle to be empathetic
Self-doubt is dangerous [12:12]
Self-doubt doesn’t lift you up, neither does your other relationships
The “worker bee” mentality and imposter syndrome
Trusting that you always make the right decision and that you can figure out what to do next
Honoring your leadership
Giving the benefit of the doubt [26:40]
When you minimize yourself, you give up your power
Allowing yourself to be heard and seen
How you really gain self-awareness
Navigating the haze [30:25]
Choosing what you know is holding you back
The need for immediate gratification
Learning how to trust and forgive yourself
Unlearning the idea that you are a burden
Lessons around self-trust [41:24]
Seeing yourself for who you really are is needed for your healing
Your failures are part of your story
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Listen to Take Up Space Sis by Toni Jones
Listen to So Ugly I’m Beautiful by Toni Jones
Listen to I See Me Mantras by Toni Jones
Listen to King’s Disease by Nas
Listen to Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers by Kendrick Lamar
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow Us: Instagram | Facebook
Follow @iamshate on Instagram; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
