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Talking Your Way to Change
Xan Banker , Psy.D., L.P
80 episodes
4 days ago
Providing educational information about mental health and psychological strategies that can improve your mood, relationships, and community.
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Mental Health
Health & Fitness
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All content for Talking Your Way to Change is the property of Xan Banker , Psy.D., L.P and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.
Providing educational information about mental health and psychological strategies that can improve your mood, relationships, and community.
Show more...
Mental Health
Health & Fitness
Episodes (20/80)
Talking Your Way to Change
#72 What is Survivor Guilt: The War Within

In this episode I talk about survivor guilt, which is a particular kind of guilt that develops in people who have survived a life-threatening situation when others have not survived. Or It can be guilt about what they did or did not do during the traumatic event and how this might have contributed to others deaths/injuries. Using interview clips from three different catastrophic events: Holocaust, HIV AIDS Epidemic, and US Veterans I offer examples that illustrate how this type of guilt shows itself. 

Naparstek, Belleruth (2004). Invisible heroes : survivors of trauma and how they heal. New York, N.Y.: Bantam Books. 

Boykin FF. ⁠⁠The AIDS crisis and gay male survivor guilt⁠⁠. Smith Coll Stud Soc Work. 1991;61(3):247-259. doi:10.1080/00377319109517367

Cobb S, Lindemann E. Neuropsychiatric observations. Annals of Surgery. 1947;177(1):814–824. [⁠⁠PMC free article⁠⁠] [⁠⁠PubMed⁠⁠] [⁠⁠Google Scholar⁠⁠]

Niederland WG. Clinical observations on the “survivor syndrome” The International Journal of Psychoanalysis. 1968;49:313–315. [

⁠⁠https://youtu.be/7be3O9ckZ1c?si=l6qO1OozKd2ADKCl⁠⁠

Rivera R.M. Coronavirus Pandemic: A Trigger for Survivor’s Guilt? Lat. Psychol. Today. 2020;7:27.

https://peterattiamd.com/estherperel/


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1 year ago
41 minutes 26 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
# 71 Should I Give Up My Guilt or Bare It?

Understanding the type of guilt you are experiencing can inform you of whether or not to bare the guilt and move through the mourning process. If your guilt is not justified it can be helpful to identify this as neurotic guilt and realize it's self-serving nature and the unlikelihood of it leading to positive change.

Fairbairn, William Ronald Dodds (1952). Psychoanalytic Studies of the Personality. London: Routledge & Kegan Paul.

Kavaler-Adler S. From neurotic guilt to existential guilt as grief: the road to interiority, agency, and compassion through mourning. Part I. Am J Psychoanal. 2006 Sep;66(3):239-59. doi: 10.1007/s11231-006-9020-8. PMID: 16969702. Carveth, D. L. (2023). Guilt: A Contemporary Introduction. United Kingdom: Taylor & Francis.

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1 year ago
24 minutes

Talking Your Way to Change
#70 Clear Clutter with the One Minute Rule and Nix the Multi-tasking

If a task takes you 60 seconds or less do it the moment and work your way to less clutter.

Gopher, D., Armony, L. & Greenspan, Y. (2000). Switching tasks and attention policies. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 129, 308-229.

Mayr, U. & Kliegl, R. (2000). Task-set switching and long-term memory retrieval. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory, and Cognition, 26, 1124-1140.

Rubin G. (2009). The Happiness Project. New York: Harper Collins Publishers. Jun 29, 2017

https://the-happiness-project.com/




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1 year ago
7 minutes 2 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
Example of Complexity Trauma from song "I Hate Christmas (by CHXRL)."."

Discussing how lyrics match up with complex trauma disorder.

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1 year ago
57 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
# 69 Death by a Thousand Cuts: Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

This episode is an expansion of a previous episode How to Choose a Therapist. In this episode, I discuss the 4th Wave of Psychotherapy Neuroscience and Trauma Informed Psychotherapy. I include definitions of trauma and examples of trauma informed therapy modalities. Highlighted in this episode is Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which is a frequent clinical presenting issue.

https://youtu.be/xSXciYo6Z_I?si=Nyo6eOnsYYKmnJ3J

https://open.spotify.com/track/5K0dqIdylxIoIZ5PHLthpX?si=fe983533647147f2

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1 year ago
20 minutes 31 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
#68 Daily Positive Affirmations and the Psychology of Why They Work

Affirming yourself can be done in many ways, using positive affirmation whether in writing, speaking, or listening to them from a recording allows you an opportunity to replace those negative thoughts. The psychology theory underpinning how affirmations work is called self-affirmation theory.

Minakshi, R. (2020). Positive Affirmations and its Benefits on Psychological Well-Being. Journal of Psychological Science. Vol 13, No 1. 

Cascio, C. N., O’Donnell, M. B., Tinney, F. J., Lieberman, M. D., Taylor, S. E., Strecher, V. J., & Falk, E. B. (2016). Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 11(4), 621-629.

Sherman, D. K., & Cohen, G. L. (2006). The psychology of self‐defense: Self‐affirmation theory. Advances in experimental social psychology, 38, 183-242.

Cohen, G. L., & Sherman, D. K. (2014). The psychology of change: Self-affirmation and social psychological intervention. Annual Review of Psychology, 65, 333-371.

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2 years ago
17 minutes 6 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
#40 The One-Minute Rule & The Five-Minute Rule

My message today is to use your little bits of leftover time. Those minutes between tasks that we tend to throw away. Gretchen Rubin in the Happiness Project identified the one-minute rule to create order in your life and the 5-minute rule is from CBT used for issues of procrastination. 


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2 years ago
4 minutes 54 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
Meditation for letting go of anxiety.
Scripted meditation draft.
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2 years ago
3 minutes 22 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
#67 Breaking Down Resentment to Promote Wellness

Resentment is not a core emotion, it is a complex emotion that often indicates an unmet need. 

Plutchik, R. The Emotions. New York: Random House.

Brene Brown 2021. New York: Random House. Atlas of the heart : mapping meaningful connection and the language of human experience. 

Plutchik proposed a psychoevolutionary classification approach for general emotional responses. He considered there to be eight primary emotions—anger, fear, sadness, disgust, surprise, anticipation, trust, and joy. Plutchik argues for the primacy of these emotions by showing each to be the trigger of behaviour with high survival value, such as the way fear inspires the fight-or-flight response.

Plutchik, R. (2000). Emotions in the Practice of Psychotherapy: Clinical Implications of Affect Theories. Published by APA. 


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2 years ago
14 minutes 10 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
#66 Meditation for Letting Go of Resentment and Identifying Unmet Needs
This exercise is Part 2 of the series on resentment. It is not about forgiving. 
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2 years ago
7 minutes 54 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
#65 Visualization for Overcoming Fear

This guided meditation takes you on a journey to inner most core self. The observing self. When you are connected to this part of yourself you can begin to influence your body. Our observing self is the part of our self that can register what our instinctual self wants to do AND choose to practice a different thought, behavior, or emotion. One that is more adaptive.

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2 years ago
14 minutes 18 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
#64 Visualization for Surgery

This guided meditation takes you on a journey to inner most core self. The observing self. When you are connected to this part of yourself you can begin to influence your body. Our observing self is the part of our self that can register what our instinctual self wants to do AND choose to practice a different thought, behavior, or emotion. One that is more adaptive.   

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2 years ago
16 minutes

Talking Your Way to Change
#63 Self-Sabotage-Psychological Resistance in Psychotherapy

Psychological resistance is often unconscious and blocks our ability to change. It can be baffling, frustrating, and threatens the healing process. However, when used in a therapeutic manner it often leads to new growth and healing. However, it is a common natural part of being human. People who are seeking psychotherapy are a unique position of being able to examine in what ways they self-sabotage or get in their own way. 



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3 years ago
16 minutes 25 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
#62 The Stories We Tell Ourselves Follow the State of Our Nervous System

The story you tell others and yourself about your experiences in life begin with your ANS. It is helpful to practice how you shape your story. Take a minor irritation that you experienced and try telling it from the Safe and Connected State, the Fight or Flight state, and or Dorsal Vagal. You are the protagonist in your life story. You make choices. One of the choices you make is the story you tell yourself. The more habituated your story telling is the more likely you will fall into the traps of black and white or a perpetrator/victim stance, win/lose. 

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3 years ago
5 minutes 17 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
#61 PolyVagal Theory in Everyday Life & Strategies that Strengthen our ANS

In this episode I give examples of everyday life events and trauma can trigger the process of neuroception and ANS response. I give some ideas for strategies of how to move from sympathetic into ventral and how to move up the ladder from dorsal state. 


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3 years ago
18 minutes 31 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
#60 What is PolyVagal Theory and Why You Should Know? (Dedicated to the people of Ukraine)

Learning about your ANS could change your life. 

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3 years ago
22 minutes 19 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
Guided Imagery of Protection and Support

Using Belleruth Naparstek's guided imagery script an exercise for self protection, support, and love. 


https://www.amazon.com/Invisible-Heroes-Survivors-Trauma-They/dp/0553383744/ref=asc_df_0553383744/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312039018893&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12416860290393824089&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9019559&hvtargid=pla-494331928777&psc=1

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3 years ago
8 minutes 57 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
The Body Scan Exercise-A Mindfulness Based Exercise

The body scan can help you remain more connected to yourself and others. 

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3 years ago
9 minutes 1 second

Talking Your Way to Change
Shortened Container Exercise

just shortened it 

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4 years ago
7 minutes 15 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
#56 Stories, Myths, and Fairytales: How they can Heal

This episode relates how Joseph Campbell's Hero Journey nd how Dr. Clarissa Estes Women Who Run with Wolves La Loba-The Wolf Woman relates to the self-healing process in therapy. Stories and myths are can give us hope, interpretation, understanding, and wisdom all psychological capacities that that beyond emotion regulation skills. 

Estés, Clarissa Pinkola. (1992). Women who run with the wolves : myths and stories of the wild woman archetype. New York :Ballantine Books,

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4 years ago
12 minutes 54 seconds

Talking Your Way to Change
Providing educational information about mental health and psychological strategies that can improve your mood, relationships, and community.