Anger after betrayal can feel intense, confusing, and at times overwhelming. Many women question whether their reactions are “too much” — but what if your anger is not only valid, but an essential part of your healing?
In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck, author of Betrayal Trauma Anger: You’re Not Crazy… You’re Angry and You Should Be! to unpack the truth about anger through the lens of betrayal trauma.
Together, we explore:
• What anger really is and why it shows up so strongly after betrayal
• The purpose anger serves in protecting us and signaling our pain
• What makes betrayal-related anger different from “typical” anger
• Why suppressing anger often keeps us stuck in trauma responses
• Healthy, grounded ways to move through anger without abandoning yourself
• How to begin processing anger in a way that supports nervous system safety and self-reconnection
This conversation is both validating and liberating. If you’ve ever wondered, “Is something wrong with me for feeling this angry?” — this episode will help you breathe a little easier and see your anger with more clarity and compassion.
Your anger makes sense. It deserves a voice, not shame.
About the Author
Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, Anger Management Specialist, and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. She helps individuals and couples heal from the devastating impact that broken trust and broken relational attachment brings including the complex trauma that results from intimate betrayal. She is a highly sought after conference speaker and has private practice in Florida where she also conducts 3-day intensives.
Website
https://crystalhollenbeck.com/
Article https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2024.2306940
Book
SCIP Protocol
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Rachel's Bookshelf
https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_share
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I offer an unscripted dive into a gaslighting experience using Sarah Morales' workbook called "Take Your Power Back." Join me as I use a real life example and explore the mapping system Sarah offers to discern gaslighting behaviors and patterns.
Be sure to check out the workbook which explores the complexities of gaslighting and, as the title suggests, empowers you to step back into your truth.
Pick up your copy here:
Check out all that Sarah has to offer at Sarahmoralescoaching.com
Sarah Morales is the owner and creator of Deconstructing Gaslighting® and is widely recognized as an expert and thought leader on the topic of Gaslighting. She helps raise public awareness on this topic through her many public platforms and creates programs that help empower victims of Gaslighting.
Deconstructing Gaslighting® Academy is a groundbreaking educational and training resource that provides programs for every facet of Gaslighting experiences. With programs for the victims of gaslighting, the perpetrators of gaslighting that are in recovery, and helping professionals, Deconstructing Gaslighting® Academy aims to be THE source people go to receive the life-changing education and tools they need to heal from the effects of Gaslighting and “Take their power back”.
Sarah currently sits on the board of APSATS (the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists), consults & contracts with numerous helping professionals, and is frequently invited as a guest speaker at national conferences and on podcasts.
Her passion to empower others to transform their lives fuels her work with her clients and pushes her to continue developing new programs on the cutting edge of helping others grow to know, trust, and love themselves more than they knew was possible.
Rachel's Bookshelf
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Join me in part 2 as I continue interviewing gaslighting expert, Sarah Morales. She has written an amazing workbook called "Take Your Power Back" which explores the complexities of gaslighting and, as the title suggests, empowers you to step back into your truth.
I split the interview up into two parts because we had so much to discuss. You don't want to miss this!
Pick up a copy of the workbook here:
and check out all that Sarah has to offer at Sarahmoralescoaching.com
Sarah Morales is the owner and creator of Deconstructing Gaslighting® and is widely recognized as an expert and thought leader on the topic of Gaslighting. She helps raise public awareness on this topic through her many public platforms and creates programs that help empower victims of Gaslighting.
Deconstructing Gaslighting® Academy is a groundbreaking educational and training resource that provides programs for every facet of Gaslighting experiences. With programs for the victims of gaslighting, the perpetrators of gaslighting that are in recovery, and helping professionals, Deconstructing Gaslighting® Academy aims to be THE source people go to receive the life-changing education and tools they need to heal from the effects of Gaslighting and “Take their power back”.
Sarah currently sits on the board of APSATS (the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists), consults & contracts with numerous helping professionals, and is frequently invited as a guest speaker at national conferences and on podcasts.
Her passion to empower others to transform their lives fuels her work with her clients and pushes her to continue developing new programs on the cutting edge of helping others grow to know, trust, and love themselves more than they knew was possible.
Rachel's Bookshelf
https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/TQFT9UQXEORQ?ref_=wl_share
Sign up for my Newsletter
Join me as I interview gaslighting expert, Sarah Morales. She has written an amazing workbook called "Take Your Power Back" which explores the complexities of gaslighting and, as the title suggests, empowers you to step back into your truth.
I split the interview up into two parts because we had so much to discuss. You don't want to miss this!
Pick up a copy of the workbook here:
and check out all that Sarah has to offer at Sarahmoralescoaching.com
Sarah Morales is the owner and creator of Deconstructing Gaslighting® and is widely recognized as an expert and thought leader on the topic of Gaslighting. She helps raise public awareness on this topic through her many public platforms and creates programs that help empower victims of Gaslighting.
Deconstructing Gaslighting® Academy is a groundbreaking educational and training resource that provides programs for every facet of Gaslighting experiences. With programs for the victims of gaslighting, the perpetrators of gaslighting that are in recovery, and helping professionals, Deconstructing Gaslighting® Academy aims to be THE source people go to receive the life-changing education and tools they need to heal from the effects of Gaslighting and “Take their power back”.
Sarah currently sits on the board of APSATS (the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists), consults & contracts with numerous helping professionals, and is frequently invited as a guest speaker at national conferences and on podcasts.
Her passion to empower others to transform their lives fuels her work with her clients and pushes her to continue developing new programs on the cutting edge of helping others grow to know, trust, and love themselves more than they knew was possible.
Rachel's Bookshelf
https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/TQFT9UQXEORQ?ref_=wl_share
Sign up for my Newsletter
We are looking at volume 2 of "Not a Casserole Widow" by Kim Hansen Petroni. In this episode, we're talking about reality: what is it and how to accept it. We also explore those inner voices, both positive and negative ones. Then we dive into JADE and BIFF. What are those? You'll have to listen or pick up the workbook to find out! Hope you join me for this exploratory episode.
Check out this book and others featured in this podcast:
https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/TQFT9UQXEORQ?ref_=wl_share
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Come explore Kim Hansen Petroni’s workbook Not a Casserole Widow with me. In this conversation, we unpack what forgiveness can really look like—and it may not be what you expect. We also talk about the breaking of trust in intimate relationships, which is the very foundation of betrayal trauma.
Amid the chaos and confusion, there’s also a deeper story of courage and hope—and that’s what we touch on together.
👉 Follow the link below to find this and other books I feature on the podcast (not affiliate links):
https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/TQFT9UQXEORQ?ref_=wl_share
Join me this episode as we speak with Kim Hansen Petroni, author of the book, "Not a Casserole Widow." We discuss how the workbook came to be, integral parts of the book, and Kim even shares some of her poetry. You won't want to miss this!
Kim Hansen Petroni holds a Masters in Counseling, is a Board Certified Coach, an APSATS Certified Partner Coach and Supervisor, an ERCEM certified coach, and a Certified Divorce Coach.
Kim supports those experiencing sexual betrayal in their relationship through her company, titled CoachingHope4U.
Kim has an exciting development she shared with me: Not a Casserole Widow was recently approved for non profit status! Kim is embarking on her mission to better train women to get through divorce/mediation and all things surrounding healing through betrayal and divorce.
It certainly was a privilege to have Kim as a guest on today's episode!
You can find out more information about Kim, her workbook and the work she is doing here: https://www.coachinghope4u.com/
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Continuing our conversation inspired by the book, "What Can I Do About Me? by Ryhll Crowshaw, we discuss self-care. Self-care is just another word for boundaries, but what does it take to really be able to care for ourselves? Join me in this episode where we get to the heart of why we do or do not care for ourselves.
We're talking boundaries again. Ryhll Crowshaw released the 2nd edition of her book, "What Can I Do About Me?" and we discuss the new additions. Ryhll added addendums to further her story 11+ years after the first publishing. Boundaries are one of the most confusing and critical parts of recovery work. We explore the nuances of boundaries, including the difficulties and fruits of setting healthy boundaries.
The B-word! Boundaries! Has such a word ever had so many connotations around it?
In this episode we explore Rhyll Croshaw's book, "What Can I Do About Me?" and her perspectives about boundaries. I share my own personal exploration of boundaries and offer real life examples. I also offer validation for the difficulties and fears that come up with placing healthy boundaries. You're going to want to be sure to listen.
Link to the book: https://a.co/d/93IMqrI
In this episode, I'm discussing the book written by Rhyll Anne Croshaw called "What Can I Do About Me?" She offers important insights about the shame we experience as betrayed partners. I share parts of my story and how shame played a significant role in the trauma of betrayal. The courage to share one story at a time can begin to dispel the shame surrounding betrayal from sex addiction.
This episode is the last one of the series exploring Dr. Kevin Skinner's Book, Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal. I offer my perspective on the concept of Self-Compassion.
Betrayal Trauma affects our very connection to ourselves and self-compassion can be challenging at best to practice. I look at the barriers to self-compassion that Dr. Skinner's identifies as well as ways to implement it, which includes gentle observation.
In this episode we explore what safety means in self and the relationship. We acknowledge that sensing safety is biologically wired into our nervous systems. We also answer the question, "What happens if my partner doesn't offer safety for the relationship?"
I offer my insights to the definition of safety while studying Dr. Kevin Skinner's book, Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal.
Discovery and Disclosure
I offer my take on Disclosures and Discoveries in the book, Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal by Dr. Kevin Skinner. We consider forced disclosure, or discovery, and full disclosures and compare the impacts, noting the severity of physical pain when facing D-day, however it happens. Additionally, we investigate the benefits of Full Therapeutic Disclosures. In this complex topic, I offer my opinion and perspective on certain aspects of disclosures that Dr. Skinner illustrates.
In this first podcast episode, we explore the book, Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal: The Essential Tools for Healing by Dr. Kevin Skinner. We dive into the effects of betrayal trauma, why gaslighting and blame compound trauma and finally, the fight and anger response that is so common after betrayal. Join me as I share personal insight and review these important topics.