In this heartfelt final episode of 'Now That I'm Back,' host BJ reflects on the theme of necessary endings. She discusses the importance of recognizing when it's time to close a chapter, sharing insights from her own journey and the stories of transformation featured on the podcast over the past six months. BJ opens up about the emotional toll of hosting the show and the significance of endings as opportunities for new beginnings. While saying goodbye to the podcast, BJ emphasizes the lasting impact of the shared experiences and offers her gratitude to the listeners and guests who have made the journey meaningful. She also encourages those facing their own necessary endings to embrace them with courage and trust in the future.

IG & Threads: isp3ak_my_mynd

In this episode, host BJ discusses the misuse of therapy terms like 'toxic' and 'gaslighting' on the internet and dives into what truly constitutes a toxic relationship, emphasizing patterns of manipulation, intentional harm, and power dynamics. BJ critiques the current trend of using 'no contact' as a quick fix for minor conflicts and stresses the importance of communication and conflict resolution. The segment also includes a discussion on the movie 'The Best Man' and how friendships handled intense drama without falling apart. BJ concludes with practical strategies for evaluating whether a relationship needs work or should end, like the 'three conversation rule' and checking intentions. Listeners are encouraged to assess their relationships thoughtfully instead of making hasty decisions.

In this episode, host BJ returns from a November break to discuss emotional eating and her personal weight loss journey. After sharing her own story of losing 12 pounds through portion control and dietary changes, BJ explores how food became a coping mechanism during stressful periods, particularly following her divorce. She reflects on her relationship with food and how emotional distress influenced her eating habits. BJ also gives practical tips for healing one's relationship with food, including keeping a food and feelings journal, creating new food memories, and practicing mindful eating without judgment. The episode emphasizes self-love and understanding the emotional triggers behind eating habits.

In this heartfelt episode, host BJ shares candid reflections on a tough week, acknowledging the emotional challenges faced by many listeners. BJ emphasizes the importance of community, particularly the supportive 'sistering' among black women, and shares personal coping strategies. The episode highlights the necessity of protecting one's joy, taking care of oneself unapologetically, and finding strength in small acts of kindness and connection. Listeners are encouraged to reach out to loved ones, honor their feelings, and do something that would make their ancestors proud. BJ provides a message of solidarity and resilience, reminding listeners that their existence and joy are forms of resistance.

Let’s Unpack Desperation: Lenny Williams' Cause I Love You

In this heartfelt episode of 'Now That I'm Back,' host BJ presents a special full-length segment of 'Split Happens' to explore Lenny Williams' iconic song 'Cause I Love You.' BJ delves into the deep emotions of desperation and unwavering love expressed in the song, sharing personal anecdotes and analyzing the powerful lyrics. The episode touches on themes of love, loss, longing, and vulnerability, providing insights into Williams' raw emotional journey and its impact. BJ also reflects on their own experiences, connecting the audience through shared feelings of heartbreak and the struggle to let go. Listeners are encouraged to embrace their emotions as a healing process, understanding that love sometimes means letting go, and it's okay to feel everything deeply.

In this episode of 'Now That I'm Back,' BJ hosts Dr. Umieca Hankton to dive into the world of parasocial relationships and the impact of social media. The discussion covers how online interactions influence our sense of intimacy and connection, introducing terms like 'friendship mirage' and 'virtual VIP syndrome.' Emphasizing balance, the video explores the necessity of genuine in-person relationships alongside digital engagements. Practical advice is shared on building authentic connections offline, including tips for engaging activities and inviting online friends to meet in person. The episode also touches on a well-being retreat for Black women, focusing on self-reconnection and empowerment. Listeners are encouraged to embrace real-world interactions for personal growth and meaningful support.

Guest Details

Dr. Umieca Hankton is a brilliant Clinical Psychologist and founder of UNH Counseling Services. She is also an author of five self-help workbooks. THRIVING ON PURPOSE: Reflect. Meditate. Plan. Implement.: 26-Week Commitment to Self, B.R.A.V.I.N.G. the Grief Journal , The Courage to Trust Love Again: Journal and her latest “heart’s work”, Thriving with G.R.I.T.: Gratitude, Resilience, Intentionality, and Tenacity and Thriving UP! Workbook: Thriving Unapologetically & Purposefully.

Dr. Hankton is also co-hosting a Well-Being Retreat soon! Learn more at www.essenceofselfretreat.com

Dr. Hankton's social media handles are: Instagram - @unh_phd , Facebook - Dr Umieca Hankton and TikTok - @drumiecahankton.  You can also visit her website at ⁠unhcounselingservices.com⁠.  In the words of Dr. Hankton, “be well.”

Unpacking the Exit Strategy: Navigating Emotional Challenges of Leaving In this episode, host BJ explores the emotional complexities of leaving situations that no longer serve us, such as jobs, relationships, or living environments. BJ shares personal experiences and discusses the significance of having an exit strategy to diminish the heaviness of leaving. Key reasons for staying too long in unfulfilling situations are examined, including fear of judgment and self-doubt. BJ emphasizes the importance of gentle honesty, careful planning, and curiosity in making informed decisions to move on. Through the lens of relationships and iconic breakup songs, the episode encourages listeners to reclaim their time and power by effectively navigating the journey of letting go. 00:00 Empowerment Anthem 00:15 Introduction and Episode Theme 00:58 The Emotional Challenges of Leaving 05:33 Facing the Fear of Judgment 06:26 Personal Story: Marriage and Appearances 09:28 Self-Trust and Decision Making 11:56 Analyzing 'End of the Road' by Boyz II Men 16:05 The Cognitive Dissonance of Leaving 28:32 Practical Steps for Leaving 40:15 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

In this episode of 'Now That I'm Back,' host BJ delves into the complex emotions tied to relocating after a breakup or divorce. Sharing personal experiences from her move to Atlanta, BJ discusses the challenges and benefits of changing environments, emphasizing the importance of emotional growth and self-discovery. She offers practical advice on making a successful move, including researching the new area, building a support system, securing financial stability, and giving oneself grace during the transition. The episode also features a segment analyzing the breakup storyline of Birdie from the movie ‘Hope Floats.’

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

01:15 The Emotional Journey of Relocating

03:12 Personal Experiences and Challenges

05:03 The Reality of Moving to Atlanta

06:13 Reflecting on the Move

10:14 Split Happens: Analyzing Breakups in Media

16:55 The Toolkit: Practical Advice for Moving

21:59 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Keywords:

red flags, relationships, dating advice, self-awareness, emotional intelligence, personal growth, relationship dynamics, communication, red flags in yourself, red flags in others

Summary:

In this engaging conversation, BJ and Latrice explore the concept of red flags in relationships, discussing both the signs to look for in others and the red flags within ourselves. They share personal anecdotes, define what constitutes a red flag, and analyze the dynamics of relationships through the lens of the film 'A Thin Line Between Love and Hate.' The discussion emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, intentionality, and trusting one's instincts when navigating romantic connections.

Takeaways:

The lack of intentionality is intentional.

It's important to have a partner be part of your world, but not your entire world.

Red flags can often be overlooked due to our desire for connection.

Self-awareness is crucial in recognizing our own red flags.

Possessiveness in relationships tends to worsen over time.

Trust your gut feelings; if something feels off, it likely is.

People show you who they are; believe them the first time.

You can't change someone who doesn't want to change.

Recognizing red flags in yourself is just as important as recognizing them in others.

Long-term friendships and relationships are indicators of emotional maturity.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Red Flags

06:54 Personal Red Flags in Relationships

16:17 Defining Red Flags

23:28 Common Red Flags We Overlook

30:19 Red Flags in Yourself

43:36 Analyzing Red Flags in 'A Thin Line Between Love and Hate'

01:04:39 Advice on Recognizing Red Flags

Guest Info:

Latrese Marie

TikTok - latrese_marie

Fav quote: "To thine own self be true."

In this heartfelt and insightful episode, BJ delves deep into the impact of generational relationship trauma, particularly focusing on emotionally distant mothers and the effects on romantic and personal relationships. BJ shares personal anecdotes and discusses how these patterns are passed down, the importance of acknowledging and validating one's own trauma, and practical steps for healing. The episode encourages black women to confront and break these cycles for future generations while emphasizing the importance of self-care and the power of emotional expression.

00:00 Introduction and Host Welcome

00:29 The Weight of Generational Relationship Trauma

01:25 Emotionally Absent Mothers

04:11 Modeling Unhealthy Relationships

08:35 Neglecting Emotional Needs

10:36 Difficulty Regulating Emotions

16:16 Personal Stories and Reflections

25:16 Healing and Moving Forward

32:18 Self-Care and Final Thoughts

In this candid episode of 'Now That I'm Back,' host BJ delves into the challenging dynamics of dealing with toxic in-laws and the impact they can have on a marriage. Sharing personal experiences and stories, BJ offers advice on setting boundaries, maintaining open communication with your partner, and seeking support. The episode also highlights the popular film 'Divorce in Black' by Tyler Perry, dissecting its portrayal of in-law drama and domestic violence. BJ emphasizes the importance of not letting one's family of origin destroy the family one creates and provides actionable strategies for maintaining a healthy relationship amidst family turmoil. 00:00 Introduction and Host's Welcome 01:03 The In-Law Drama Begins 02:18 Personal Stories and Struggles 05:27 The Breaking Point 09:07 Reflecting on the Marriage 09:33 A Day to Remember 18:44 Setting Boundaries 19:48 Tyler Perry's Divorce in Black Review 27:28 Unexpected Divorce Revelations 28:45 Corey's Role and Manipulation Tactics 29:35 The Importance of Support Systems 31:31 Personal Reflections on Family Dynamics 32:29 Meeting the In-Laws: A Cautionary Tale 39:12 Tyler Perry's Storytelling Critique 44:04 Strategies for Dealing with Toxic In-Laws 50:30 Final Thoughts and Reflections

In this episode of 'Now That I'm Back,' host BJ shares her personal journey of taking a break for self-rejuvenation, exploring the significance of friendships post-divorce. BJ discusses her recent experiences at the Essence Festival, the importance of friendship post-marriage, and debunking the societal hierarchy of romantic versus platonic love. She delves into non-binary awareness, highlighting the distinctions between sexual orientation and gender identity, and celebrates Non-Binary Awareness Week. BJ also introduces the concept of a 'friendship audit' to evaluate and rebuild one's social circle, followed by dissecting the iconic friendship fallout between Molly and Issa from HBO's 'Insecure,' uncovering key lessons on communication and friendship maintenance. The episode concludes with personal anecdotes emphasizing growth and the evolving needs in friendships after a breakup.

Summary

In this episode, BJ and Dr. Umieca Hankton discuss the friend zone and breadcrumbing. They explore the definition of the friend zone and its impact on individuals. They also delve into the concept of breadcrumbing, which involves manipulating and controlling someone by giving them just enough attention to keep them hooked. The conversation highlights the importance of recognizing when a situation is not serving you and taking steps to move forward. They emphasize the need for self-reflection, therapy, and supportive friendships to navigate these challenging experiences.

Takeaways

The friend zone is a place or position where one develops romantic or sexual feelings for someone who does not reciprocate those feelings.

Breadcrumbing is a manipulative tactic where someone keeps another person hooked by giving them just enough attention or benefits without fully committing to a relationship.

If you find yourself in the friend zone or being bread crumbed, it's important to recognize that you are not stuck and have the power to make a change.

Seek therapy to navigate your emotions and gain support from a confidant who can provide honest feedback.

Focus on self-reflection, forgiveness, and moving forward in a way that aligns with your own desires and values.

Recognize that you deserve love and that someone's inability to see your worth does not diminish your value.

Guest Details

Dr. Umieca Hankton is a brilliant Clinical Psychologist and founder of UNH Counseling Services. She is also an author of three self-help workbooks. THRIVING ON PURPOSE: Reflect. Meditate. Plan. Implement.: 26-Week Commitment to Self, B.R.A.V.I.N.G. the Grief Journal and her latest “heart’s work”, The Courage to Trust Love Again: Journal. Dr. Hankton's social media handles are: Instagram - @unh_phd , Facebook - Dr Umieca Hankton and TikTok - @drumiecahankton.  You can also visit her website at unhcounselingservices.com.  In the words of Dr. Hankton, “be well.”

Summary

In this episode, BJ explores the concept of closure in relationships and the power of healing independently. They share personal experiences and insights from therapy sessions, emphasizing the uselessness of waiting for closure from others. BJ discusses the importance of acceptance, letting go, and moving forward without relying on apologies. They analyze a breakup scene from the movie 'Why Did I Get Married?' and highlight the journey of the character Sheila as an example of finding strength and happiness after betrayal. The episode concludes with a reminder to prioritize self-care and embrace the journey back to oneself.

Sound Bites

"Your healing doesn't need for you to wait on anybody else's green light."

"You must move forward with or without that apology because in the end, it probably won't make as much difference as you're telling yourself it would."

"Sheila's journey is a powerful reminder that even in the face of betrayal and heartbreak, we have the power to heal, to grow, and even to find love again if we choose."

Takeaways

Closure is a made-up concept that often leads to disappointment and more heartbreak.

Healing and moving forward do not depend on receiving apologies from others.

Acceptance and letting go are essential for personal growth and finding happiness.

Prioritize self-care and surround yourself with a supportive network during tough breakups.

Keywords

closure, healing, relationships, acceptance, moving forward, betrayal, self-care

Summary

In this episode, BJ explores her dating experiences after her marriage ended. She discusses the struggle of balancing honesty and authenticity with respect for the people she has been involved with. BJ shares her post-divorce flings and the lessons she learned from each of them. She also analyzes the tangled love affair between Issa and Nathan from HBO's Insecure as a master class in miscommunication and the pressure to move on after a long-term relationship. BJ emphasizes the importance of taking time to heal, being honest about one's intentions, and prioritizing self-discovery before diving back into the dating world.

Takeaways

Take time to heal and prioritize self-discovery before diving back into the dating world.

Be honest about your intentions and what you want out of dating.

Reflect on your own contributions to the breakdown of your past relationship.

Don't rush into a new relationship to avoid feeling lonely or to prove that you're okay.

Communication is key in navigating relationships and setting boundaries.

Sound Bites

"Diving into the sometimes messy, beautiful, and even hilarious world of dating post divorce."

"Trying to get under someone new to get over someone else. That is trash ass advice."

"Butterflies ain't nothing but anxiety with pretty wings."

Keywords

dating, post-divorce, flings, honesty, authenticity, respect, lessons, love affair, miscommunication, pressure, healing, self-discovery

Summary

The episode explores the significance of text messages in relationships, highlighting the evolution of communication and its impact on the dynamics of a relationship. It emphasizes the importance of understanding the subtle shifts in communication and the role of text messages as a digital diary of a relationship.

Takeaways

Text messages hold the key to understanding the evolution of a relationship.

The frequency, tone, and content of text messages can reveal the health of a relationship.

Small gestures in text messages can bridge gaps in communication and nurture the connection.

The power of communication lies not just in the words we say, but in how we say them and how often we choose to share.

Text messages serve as a digital footprint of a relationship, reflecting the romance and deep care that brought the partners together.

Keywords

text messages, relationship dynamics, communication, digital diary, evolution of communication, understanding shifts, significance of communication

Summary

In this conversation, BJ and Dr. Umieca Hankton discuss the grieving process after the end of a relationship. They cover the emotional response to loss, coping strategies, and the challenges of rediscovering oneself. Dr. Hankton provides valuable insights and advice for those navigating the complex journey of grief.

Key Takeaways

Grief is an umbrella term that covers a range of human emotions in response to loss, including sadness, anger, confusion, and relief.

Coping with the loss of a relationship requires patience, self-compassion, and maintaining healthy routines and connections with the community.

Rediscovering oneself after the end of a relationship involves acknowledging the evolving identity and giving oneself grace during the healing process.

Support systems should provide space for open conversation, avoid unhelpful cliches, and encourage the individual to do the hard work of healing and self-discovery.

Grieving the end of a relationship is a unique and individual experience, and it's important to acknowledge and honor the emotions that arise during this process.

Keywords

grief, relationship, coping strategies, emotional response, support system, healing, rediscovery, isolation, community, journaling, trauma, self-compassion

Guest Details

Dr. Umieca Hankton is a brilliant Clinical Psychologist and founder of UNH Counseling Services. She is also an author of two self-help workbooks. THRIVING ON PURPOSE: Reflect. Meditate. Plan. Implement.: 26-Week Commitment to Self and B.R.A.V.I.N.G. the Grief Journal. Dr. Hankton's social media handles are: Instagram - @unh_phd , Facebook - Dr Umieca Hankton and TikTok - @drumiecahankton.

Summary

BJ shares her personal journey of divorce and the transformative experience it has been for her. She draws parallels between hurricanes and divorce, highlighting the emotional turbulence and aftermath. BJ also introduces the concept of 'healing out loud' and the segments of her podcast, emphasizing the importance of uncomfortable conversations and finding comfort in 'maybe'.

Key Takeaways

The journey of divorce can be turbulent but transformative, leading to personal growth and self-discovery.

Finding community and sharing experiences through 'healing out loud' can be a powerful way to navigate the emotional aftermath of divorce.

Uncomfortable conversations and exploring the concept of 'maybe' can provide comfort and perspective in the journey of healing and self-discovery.

Keywords

divorce, hurricane season, LGBTQ+, emotional turbulence, healing out loud, uncomfortable conversations, parallel experiences, transformative journey

Summary

In this episode, BJ explores the iconic breakup in the movie 'Waiting to Exhale' and draws parallels to her own divorce. She delves into the emotional impact of the breakup, the journey of healing, and the importance of sisterhood and support. The episode provides a raw and relatable perspective on the aftermath of a breakup and the process of reclaiming one's life.

Key Takeaways

The emotional impact of a breakup can be deep and long-lasting, affecting various aspects of life.

The journey of healing after a breakup involves reclaiming one's life and finding support from friends and loved ones.

Sisterhood and support play a crucial role in navigating the aftermath of a breakup and rebuilding a fulfilling life.

Sound Bites

"11 years of marriage down the drain. It hit different now."

"Get your shit, get your shit and get out. Y 'all, I later found out that she actually ad-libbed this whole scene, which is crazy."

"I lost something that once meant everything and I'm hurt. And right now I'm just really pissed about it."