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Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
Shawna Scafe, Professional Counsellor
206 episodes
3 months ago
When the clutter, motherhood, relationships, and life seem too overwhelming. When you have resentment and frustration every day - this is a sign you have been living on auto-pilot- letting life happen to you instead of living it ON PURPOSE. I’ve been there. Three kids under 4 and I decided to declutter my home and realized I was living my whole life on autopilot. I wanted more. I wanted to take action, be more present, have more fun! Enjoy my kids! I’m Shawna, You might know me as your Nerdy Girlfriend. I am a Certified Coach Practitioner, a Transformational Life Coach, and Registered Professional Counsellor-Candidate (RPC-C). I use the Enneagram, Faith and CBT as tools in my life coaching approach. I teach moms around the world the tools they need to set values and vision for the 9 areas of their lives so they can take the right steps towards living life ON PURPOSE. Find my books, course and blog at simpleonpurpose.ca
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Parenting
Education,
Kids & Family,
Religion & Spirituality,
Christianity,
Self-Improvement
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All content for Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting is the property of Shawna Scafe, Professional Counsellor and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.
When the clutter, motherhood, relationships, and life seem too overwhelming. When you have resentment and frustration every day - this is a sign you have been living on auto-pilot- letting life happen to you instead of living it ON PURPOSE. I’ve been there. Three kids under 4 and I decided to declutter my home and realized I was living my whole life on autopilot. I wanted more. I wanted to take action, be more present, have more fun! Enjoy my kids! I’m Shawna, You might know me as your Nerdy Girlfriend. I am a Certified Coach Practitioner, a Transformational Life Coach, and Registered Professional Counsellor-Candidate (RPC-C). I use the Enneagram, Faith and CBT as tools in my life coaching approach. I teach moms around the world the tools they need to set values and vision for the 9 areas of their lives so they can take the right steps towards living life ON PURPOSE. Find my books, course and blog at simpleonpurpose.ca
Show more...
Parenting
Education,
Kids & Family,
Religion & Spirituality,
Christianity,
Self-Improvement
Episodes (20/206)
Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
209. What I hope you take away from the Simple on Purpose podcast (retirement party!)
Dearest listeners, today is the finale episode where I share with you my experience of the podcast, answer your questions and sum up the takeaways I hope you have had from listening to the podcast. 
Episode topics and related links

* the start of the blog

* My C-Section & The Feelings I Was Ashamed to Admit


* my two main goals with the podcast
* how the podcast has changed me

* How To Find Your Enneagram Type (and how it has changed my life)
* Enneagram 101 (what is it and what are the nine types)
* anchor words (Bless It and Release It came from Stef Gass)


* Making life adjustments 

* looking at decisions through the lens of our resources

* You Can Simplify Your Life Series


* our relationship with time

* Don’t wait for the Golden Years (seeing gold in the every day)


* growing through turning off the autopilot and taking an opposite action

* 175. What will your future be? More of the same? Or will you turn off the autopilot?
* 79. Six signs you are living your life on autopilot (and what to do about it)


* listening to your life

* Listening To Your Life
* Show Up For Your Life [series]




* What I hope listeners take away from the podcast (my wishes for you)

* It is ok to feel your feelings

* all episodes on feelings are in this playlist 
* if you can't access that playlist, start here with 156. 3 things to know about feeling negative emotions


* everything is hard AND awesome

* 162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives.
* 207. Our judgements and assumptions of others (fundamental attribution bias and how it impacts our relationships)
* 201. Overcoming negative self-talk and to moving towards positive se...
Show more...
1 year ago
21 minutes 7 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
208. Improve relationships with this simple tool (bids for connection)
Years ago I learned a simple tool that has improved all my relationships. This tool is about looking for the cues that others are giving us - and using those times to connect. They are called Bids For Connection, a Gottman term. I will outline what bids are, ways to respond, and how to simplify the process. 

Before we jump in, remember to stay connected through the Simple Saturdays email,   you can sign up here. 
 
Key points and related links

* What bids for connection are 

* Our marriage was struggling, here are 12 things that helped us heal and strengthen it
* When They Tell Me I’m Lucky to Have Him
* Why it’s worth paying attention to love languages and expectations in marriage


* Noticing different types of bids for connection in your partner, kids and friends

* Gottman's list of type of bids 


* Three responses to bids for connection (turning towards, away, against)

* Gottman research on bids and relationship success


* Applying bids for connection to parenting 
* Recognizing your own bids for connection, and unmet needs
* Benefits of responding to bids for connection with empathy

* 85. When empathy is hard in marriage and friendships
* 84. How parenting with empathy can transform your relationship
* 207. Our judgements and assumptions of others (fundamental attribution bias and how it impacts our relationships)


* Starting simple by noticing and responding to bids for connection

* Using bids to connect through presence, not just problem-solving
* 16. When did I stop enjoying my kids? Knowing your vision and values. The best waffles ever.
* 203. Being a mom who enjoys her life







Full transcript (unedited)

0:00
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simpler purpose.ca. Welcome to this and on purpose podcast or right away. Announcement, I mentioned probably in the emails, at least maybe on the podcast, I can't remember that I will be wrapping up the podcast for the summer. And at this point, what I am deciding to do is actually retire the podcast, at least for the time being,
Show more...
1 year ago
16 minutes 50 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
207. Our judgements and assumptions of others (fundamental attribution bias and how it impacts our relationships)
We all make assumptions and judgments of others - but did you know there is a bias we have in our judgements?

This bias shows up in all of our relationships and it can create an opposition and divide in places we actually want empathy and compassion. 

In this episode we explore the Fundamental Attribution Bias, how it impacts our relationships and what to do about it. 
As mentioned in the episode, you can find the Spotify playlists here, and sign up for Simple Saturdays here. 
Key topics covered in this episode 

The purpose of relationships, how this has shifted over generations

Relationships and wellbeing: The Havard Adult Development Study 


Making assumptions about others

Filling in the blanks and mind-reading

199. Mindset traps to be aware of (cognitive distortions that might be holding you back in motherhood and life)


Perception is a projection, how our judgements and assumptions can reflect our own struggles and opinions


The Fundamental Attribution Bias

How we judge the action of others vs how we judge: character or circumstance 


The me vs them mentality (or Us vs Them)
Examples of it in marriage

62. My husband put the groceries away wrong, he doesn’t care about me (love languages and expectations in marriage)


Awareness and empathy

84. How parenting with empathy can transform your relationship
85. When empathy is hard in marriage and friendships


* Accepting the hard parts of ourselves

* 162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives.


* Getting 1:1 coaching support

* Book a session with Shawna here



 

 



FULL TRANSCRIPT

(unedited)

Hey guys, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. I want to give you a heads up right away this podcast will retire for the summer. So just a heads up. Our summer starts at the end of June. I encourage you in those months to use the archives, we have over five years of episodes on all of the topics. So if you want to be intentional about listening to them, I suggest you use the Spotify playlists and define those,
Show more...
1 year ago
17 minutes 26 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
206. Finding peace through downsizing + decluttering the closet and shopping, with Renee Benes of the Unstuffed Podcast
When you think you need all the things and the dream home to be happy.... then you realize you need to shed the weight of 'stuff' and consumerism in order to find yourself and find peace. Renee Benes, of the Unstuffed Podcast, shares some of her story of downsizing, decluttering the closet and what it taught her about herself and her life. 

 



In this episode, we talk about:

* Renee gave up her dream home to downsize and adopt minimalism
* The process of decluttering the closet, letting go of those clothes that no longer fit your identity or body
* How to navigate an appreciation of fashion with minimalism
* Capsule wardrobes, seasonal clothing, shopping 
* The influence of social media on us and how it impacts approaches to minimalism 

 

This episode is a portion of our interview, the rest of the interview covers topics such as:

Death and loss
Raising kids
Scarity and abundance 
And even kid’s bday presents

There is audio and video available for the rest of this fun interview! 

 

Find Renee at the Unstuffed Podcast and on Instagram 

Join the Simple Saturdays Email

Be part of the Life on Purpose Community 

 



 

Full Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00
 Welcome to the simple purpose Podcast. Today we have a very unique episode. This is a guest episode, which rarely happens. And the reason you're hearing it here today is because I have recently started the Patreon the life on purpose community, and I would like to offer guest episodes in that community. So I wanted to make sure and share some of the year so you can meet Renee, who I'm talking with today. And here's some of her story. Because I enjoy her story. You'll hear me tell Renee, that I have followed her on Instagram for years. And I was really drawn to her content, because she was talking about the things I was interested in about saving money, but like just the real practical, like discomfort and stuff about saving money and shopping. And she was talking about becoming a minimalist and how it was changing her life. And she was very laid back about it. It wasn't all curated, tablescapes and rose gold and just do these three things, and your life will be simplified, and it was really relatable. So Renee has a podcast called unstuffed. And she's also an Instagram I'm gonna make sure to link are in the show notes. What you're going to hear, hear, hear, hear, what you're going to hear today is a mini version of a longer episode. There's actually two more parts to this episode one is an audio podcast, and the other is a video and those will be available on Patreon coming soon. In this episode, though, we're going to talk about downsizing, Rene's experience with downsizing our home. We're going to talk about closets and clothes and how consumerism and social media plays into all of these things about our lives and who we think we are. So I want to just jump right in. I hope you enjoy. Welcome

Shawna Scafe 1:46
to the podcast. I'm so excited to have you here.

Renee 1:49
Hi, Shawna. Yeah,

Shawna Scafe 1:51
thanks for having me.

Renee 1:52
I'm excited to sit down and chat. Yeah.

Shawna Scafe 1:53
So I don't often do well, I rarely ever do guest interviews.
Show more...
1 year ago
17 minutes 59 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
205. Finding balance through ‘ENOUGH’: motherhood, minimalism, self-worth, and personal growth
Our relationship to 'enough' can show up in all the areas of our life. Whether we struggle with discomfort, self-worth, setting limits, or offering ourselves more - we all can consider how the concept of 'enough' and 'sufficient' can play out in our minds, hearts and lives. 


Key topics in this episode, and related links for more information

*
Enough exercise for this season

* TRX videos in my workout playlist of videos I used and loved


*
Setting boundaries with our phone

* Intentional phone habits (episode and worksheets)


*
Having a constant need for comfort

* Type 9, How the enneagram changed my life


*
Times of parenting that are so difficult and what 'enough' looks like in those seasons

* Difficult parenting


*
Asking what is 'enough' when decluttering

* Can A Minimalist Have a Full Kitchen?
* Til We Have Just Enough Stuff


*
Struggling with moderation and knowing what is too much and what is too little 

*
Hurdles for women really knowing what is enough, for themselves.

*
Relying on external sources to compensate our 'not-enoughness'

* 186. Doing life with less (summer challenge)
* 192. Who are you when I’m not looking (internal vs external validation)


*
Having a mindset of 'not enough' 

* 40. Does the ‘not-enough’ mindset show up in your momlife? (Scarcity/Abundance)
* You Can Simplify Your Life Series


*
Looking at this through a faith lens  

* the BEMA episode on Genesis, Creation, Enough



 
Questions mentioned in this episode that you can use for reflection and journalling: 

* What relationship do I have with the terms 'enough' and 'sufficient'?
* How skilled to I feel at gauging 'enough' for myself?
* Where does scarcity show up for me?
* Where do I struggle to feel like I am doing enough/am enough/have enouhg?
* How has being online made me feel like there is something about me or my life that isn’t enough?
* What does the world around me, seasons and nature, teach me about 'enough'?
* Where do I feel like I have too much in my life?
* Where do I feel like I have too little in my life?
Show more...
1 year ago
14 minutes 3 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
204. Reframing BALANCE in motherhood and work life
The most common question I get is "how do you balance motherhood, life and work?". We are all seeking to have more balance in our daily lives and make sure we get everything done.  In this episode, I share my struggles with having a toddler and baby and looking for balance in my life. I share the common themes I hear from clients on the topic of balance. And I want to offer you different ways to define balance for yourself. 


Main topics covered in this episode (and all the related links you might like):
The Life on Purpose Community is open on Patreon

* Listen to a quick episode about what Patreon is and what to expect from the community
* Join the community here
* This month we are covering the topics of balance and moderation

How our culture influences our definition of balance, and the societal expectations on moms, working moms and women in general
How do you define balance? What has your culture told you about what balance looks like for a working mom?

How does the workplace support working moms, working families? 

* 203. Being a mom who enjoys her life
* The Meeting Your Needs Series
* 188. Motherhood & Social Media (how online communities impact your motherhood experience)
* 194. I stopped calling myself a lazy mom (addressing the overwhelm of motherhood)
* Hurdles to being a mom who has dreams and hobbies
* 126. The Joy of Being Mediocre (hobby without the hustle)

 
Both my personal experiences and working with moms tell me that we think others are finding balance but we aren't
We get the sense that others have found balance and ease in their life, we don't see their struggles or inner critics. 

* 145. You aren’t alone mama, I go through that too
* What I Learned While Searching for Balance in Motherhood
* 201. Overcoming negative self-talk and to moving towards positive self-talk

 
Reframing the definition of balance can bring a lot of freedom to a mom who is struggling to make vague or unattainable standards of balance in their life

* 189. Prioritizing the day: if everything matters nothing matters and how to appl...
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1 year ago
16 minutes 40 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
203. Being a mom who enjoys her life
There are seasons in life where we feel like we have lost ourselves, especially in motherhood. We might feel stuck and like we aren't enjoying our lives. I want to talk to how we can move 'away from pain' or 'towards pleasure',  and some simple ways we can bring delight and passion into our daily lives. 


In this episode, Shawna Scafe, Professional Counsellor and Coach speaks on:

* The language we use to talk about passionate living, desire, enjoying life, pleasure and callings

* What I have learned about 'callings' and dreams


* Times in life we feel stuck and how that can lead to lowered motivation

* Making decisions from a place of stress


* Two types of motivation: towards and away

* 177. Understanding what is motivating you (chasing vs avoiding)
* 201. Overcoming negative self-talk and to moving towards positive self-talk
* Book - Pure Pleasure: Why do Christians feel so bad about feeling good? 


* The way our culture, upbringing and our own assumptions impact how we enjoy our life
* The discomfort we might feel with giving ourselves permission to enjoy our lives, especially as moms and the guilt that comes up
* The way martyrdom holds us back from enjoying our life

* 67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr)
* 138. Is momlife UNFUN? How to be a more FUN MOM, stop withholding fun from yourself


* Start with simple things 

* Show up for yourself in small ways
* Listening to yourself 
* Ideas on ways to delight in your life today



 
The Life on Purpose Community 
In this episode, I talk about the upcoming post I will be sharing in the Patreon on the topic of How to Not Lose Yourself in Motherhood.

* If you would like access to this bonus content and join the Patreon community, head on over to Life on Purpose Community and join us there. 



Full Transcript (unedited)

0:06
All right, this is Take three. Hey, friends. It's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. See, that was easy. I don't know why it takes me so long to do that sometimes.

All right, so we're getting ready here in BC. For spring break, we're gonna have spring break with the kids home for two weeks. And I think we're all excited about it, it felt like life has been really busy with extracurricular activities, hockey, all of that stuff in so we're just going to hang out with family. Hopefully conor and I will get a night away, the kids will visit their grandparents just hang out around the house, I have the idea of making everyone watch the Harry Potter movies with me and going on family walks. But my kids have different ideas.
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1 year ago
13 minutes 8 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
202. Introducing the Life on Purpose Community Patreon
I am going to stop spreading myself thin across the internet, and I am launching a member community in Patreon called the Life on Purpose Community. I chose this name because I want one of the overall goals of this community to be nurturing YOUR life on purpose. I want to encourage you to have passion in your life and enjoy your life. 

 


 


 
In this episode I run through 

* What is a patreon?
* Building community and where those efforts are best spent
* The limits on public content vs private content
* Creating a space where content can be more unfiltered
* Being a content creator and having to decide where to spend your efforts
* Why I chose the name Life on Purpose Community 
* What exactly to expect in the Patreon

If you are interested in the Patreon, learn more about it here. 

 

 
Full transcript (unedited)
0:08
Hey friends it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend a counselor from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose Podcast. Today is just a quick episode where I want to come in and share with you about something that I Low-key mentioned the last episode and that is the life on purpose community Patreon. So I mentioned it in Episode 201 that I was having a follow up episode to that podcast in the Patreon and I realized I know it's not something I shared officially about. So here we are, we're gonna do that right now. First of all, a question I get often is what is a Patreon? Patreon is a term for the app or the website. It's the program the program that is used to host a private members only community and many podcasters will talk about their Patreon. And often their Patreon is a place where you get extra podcast episodes that are private. So members in the Patreon can take a special URL from their Patreon group, add it to their podcast player and you can listen to the private Patreon episodes in whatever podcast player you use iTunes overcast Google podcasts. So Patreon is that platform. If you subscribe to someone's Patreon, then you can view everything they share in the community, you can comment on things, you can watch any special videos that they have shared, any special trainings, downloads, you can be part of the chat there, get the private episodes, whatever they have in their Patreon community. So that's what Patreon is, I am part of a couple of Patreon I, especially for their private podcast episodes. That's something that I was drawn to for these specific podcasts I wanted the deeper content that they had. And I take that podcast URL, I put it in my apple podcasts. And I get those private podcast episodes in my normal podcast player. It's great. As I'm talking about this, I think the first thing I want to talk about is community because to me, that's why I'm here. Back in 2020, I was running the life on purpose Academy, it was a member community, it was a coaching community, I had monthly lessons and weekly coaching calls, it was a higher price point. And every week, many of the same women depending on who could make the call, they would come onto this call, they would share their struggles, their issues, their questions, they would share support with each other in the chat. And it was one of my favorite things that I have done. It was warm and intimate. And there was so much growth that happened there.

2:48
At the end of that year of running that community, I did close the program for one, the workload had become a bit unmanageable with the way I had set it up. And I was also heading back to school. However, since then, I knew I just kept coming back into my mind that I wanted to...
Show more...
1 year ago
12 minutes 57 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
201. Overcoming negative self-talk and to moving towards positive self-talk
Negative self-talk can our work-life balance or ability to manage parenting challenges. In this episode, Shawna Scafe, Counsellor and Coach, discusses how to identify common cognitive distortions and challenge them to help rewire your self-talk to be more empowering and motivating. 

 

 

This episode is a follow-up to the introduction on Cognitive Distortion (Episode 199). Listeners sent in examples of situations in their day where they struggle with positive self-talk. In each example, I point out what cognitive distortion might be at play and offer some questions to open up awareness of other ways to talk to yourself. 
Topics and related links covered in this episode

* normalizing the struggle with self-talk
* how negative self talk impacts us, vs how positive self-talk impacts us
* three things to know about how our brain works when it comes to negative self-talk
* using CBT to reframe self-talk (and cautions about using it as an emotional bypass)

* 156. 3 things to know about feeling negative emotions


* Scenarios covered in this episode:

* The inability to feel good enough at work or at home - the inability to properly balance either to the point of feeling like you could possibly be proficient in both.

* Window of tolerance mentioned, you can hear more about it in the Meeting Your Needs series


* When you have many littles, don’t get enough sleep often and are sleepy grumpy during the day and can’t seem to shake it!

* 74. Show up for momlife with these empowering mindsets
* 73. How to deal with the emotional struggles of being a mom of babies and toddlers
* 162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives.


* When you work so hard to get everything done, just to start over again. And when you’re feeling annoyed at your family

* Byron Katie
* Hunt, Gather, Parent 





 
Joining the NEW Patreon, the Life on Purpose Community!


* The scenarios covered in the follow-up Patreon Episode:

* When you just can’t get to that workout/assignment/project
Show more...
1 year ago
21 minutes 5 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
200. Motherhood, decluttering, mindsets (the 200th episode, listener Ask Me Anything)
As a way to celebrate 200 episodes and 5 years together, I asked listeners for their questions on any topic. In this episode, I'm answering questions on the most important question to ask when decluttering, abundance vs scarcity mindsets, motherhood stages and seasons, and more from AMA (Ask Me Anything) questions


Here are the questions that I answered in this episode, and related links to posts and episodes that you might like:
DECLUTTERING
1. What is the most important thing to consider when trying to declutter as an Enneagram type 7?

* Enneagram 101 (what is it and what are the nine types)
* Enneagram + Motherhood Series
* 143. How to let go of IDENTITY CLUTTER
* 90. Declutter ‘what if I need it one day?’ items from your home with THIS shift
* 111. Decluttering decisions and guilt [Q+A]
* 110. Our relationship with stuff, and other decluttering questions

MINDSETS
2. How to develop a positive mindset when dealing with a chronic illness or health worries of family members?
3. Did you always have an abundance mindset? If not, when did it change and how do you nurture it?

* (LISTEN) 40. Does the ‘not-enough’ mindset show up in your momlife? (Scarcity/Abundance)
* (READ) The ‘not-enough’ mindset (how to spot a scarcity mindset and shift it to an abundance mindset)
* 177. Understanding what is motivating you (chasing vs avoiding)

SIMPLE ON PURPOSE
4. What has changed since starting the podcast? What is the purpose of the podcast now?
5. What is your main source of inspiration for your work?
MOTHERHOOD
6. What's something you're loving about your family's ages, stages and dynamics right now?

* 190. Planning the day: my weekly routines and rhythms for work, home and family

7. How can I best parent my middle child?

* 163. Have fun with your kids, on purpose + reasons we don’t have fun
* When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them)

8. How do I know if our family is meant for another baby?
FUN AMA
9. What is your favourite book?
Show more...
1 year ago
22 minutes 53 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
199. Mindset traps to be aware of (cognitive distortions that might be holding you back in motherhood and life)
How we talk to ourselves matters. I was asked to share an episode on positive self-talk and want to open up with a review of the common mindset traps (cognitive distortions) we can have. By noticing these cognitive distortions we can better understand how we might be holding ourselves back and the impact our thinking can have on our lives and relationships. I will share the common cognitive distortions, what they are, and some examples that we might have in motherhood and life. 

 

 
Topics in this episode and related links you might like:

*
Habit tracking for the new year

* Habit Change, for Moms Playlist is right here)


*
Positive self-talk

* consider what story and emotion are you operating from
* Why it matters what you think (limiting mindsets in motherhood)


* What are cognitive distortions

* The negative filter we see things through
* How cognitive distortions impact our assumptions and view of things 
* How they impact our behaviours, relationships and lives 


*
Common cognitive distortions

* (wallpaper download form is below)
*
All or Nothing 

* Our marriage was struggling, here are 12 things that helped us heal and strengthen it
* 162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives.


*
Overgeneralization 

* 158. MVP/ Do you typecast your kids? How labels impact our parenting and our children


*
Catastrophizing

*
Personalization

*
Jumping to Conclusions

* Mindreading
* misFortune Telling 


*
Emotional Reasoning

*
Should Statements

*
Discounting the Positive 

* Minimize the positive
* Focus on the negative




*
How to handle cognitive distortions

* how to pay attention to your thoughts, challenge your thoughts, the power of noticing and naming 



 

The cognitive distortion downloads/wallpapers, if you can't see the sign up box then click here

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1 year ago
16 minutes 49 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
198. How to live each day with intention, as a mom (life on purpose and intentional living while in motherhood)
What does it mean to live on purpose? This is a question I get from listeners who want to live intentionally but aren't sure how to apply it to daily life (as a mom, because mom life has a lot of urgency and autopilot wrapped into it).  I want to unpack how I approach intentional living on a daily basis as well as the bigger picture. 



 

This is a listener question: how do we live each day with intention and purpose? 
We will cover what holds you back from intentional living and how to get started with simple steps.
Main topics covered in this episode (and related links):

* Feeling unmotivated with life

* For the mom who is ‘waiting’ for life to happen
* 177. Understanding what is motivating you (chasing vs avoiding)


* Feeling swept up in routine and living on autopilot 

* 79. Six signs you are living your life on autopilot (and what to do about it)


* Deciding you are ready to make a change and pursue intentional living

* The Making Change Challenge


* Decluttering the distractions, to make way for living intentionally

* 189. Prioritizing the day: if everything matters nothing matters and how to apply this in motherhood
* 161. Why having LESS matters, the benefits of decluttering and minimalism
* Intentional Phone Habits Series


* The Eisenhower matrix (important/non-important, urgent/non-urgent) can help you set daily focus 



* Looking out for all-or-nothing thinking when it comes to approaching life on purpose


* The power of small shifts done consistently, to help you shift into intentional living

* 78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect)
* 133. 4 simple habits that make my momlife better


* Setting your intention starts with getting to know what you want your life to look like

* 176. When you don’t know what you want in life. Life on purpose for the non-dreamer


* Having a vision to be intentional towards, what this can look like and tools you can try

* Show more...
1 year ago
17 minutes 33 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
197. Holidays + Grief, Family Dynamics, Boundaries, Self-Care and Joy – tips from a counsellor
This is part 2 of the situations that can feel tough around the holidays. We explore how we deal with grief, family dynamics and clashes and ways we can take care of ourselves and look for ways to enjoy what is available to us. Tips from a counsellor to consider for the holiday season. 

 

 
Main topics of this episode:

* Part 1 unpacked topics like anticipatory anxiety, routines, loneliness, overspending and transitions 

* 196. When The Holidays Feel Hard (stress, anxiety, loneliness, overspending, transitions)- tips from a Counsellor


* Dealing with grief over the holidays

* When you need permission to grieve
* The 4 tasks of grieving
* Canadian Grief Support mygrief.ca


* Family dynamics

* Owning your own values 

* 149. How to find what matters to you (uncovering your personal values)


* Family roles 

* 8 common family roles
* 134. Do you typecast your kids? (Labels + how they impact our parenting and our kids)




* Boundaries help maintain a relationship vs barriers which block a relationship

* Knowing when to use each one


* Coping well, taking care of your capacity over the holidays 

* The Meeting Your Needs Series


* Bringing the fun with you, you are allowed to enjoy moments

* 162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives.
* Finding Joy In Your Every Day (#theperfectmomentsproject)
* 163. Have fun with your kids, on purpose + reasons we don’t have fun
* Five Tips to Make Your Christmas Simpler and More Enjoyable
* When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them)
Show more...
1 year ago
17 minutes 11 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
196. When The Holidays Feel Hard (stress, anxiety, loneliness, overspending, transitions)- tips from a Counsellor
I asked listeners to share the tough scenarios they expect to encounter during the holidays and Christmas. I will start with Part 1, going through the themes of scenarios and sharing an idea on a shift you can try to make this season, from a counsellor's perspective.  The goal is to give you some tools on how to handle the reality that life can still be hard and things can feel tough, especially around this time of year.

 


The interview with Brandi Hofer of Colour Me Happy Community 

* On Youtube - Brandi Hofer Studios
* On the podcast - Colour Me Happy Community

 

Main topics covered in this episode:

* The expectations of Christmas/The Holidays vs the emotions we carry as humans

* 156. 3 things to know about feeling negative emotions


* Anticipatory anxiety, one way to deal with it

* 174. Christmas hygge ideas + understanding how the window of tolerance impacts your stress in motherhood


* Tough scenarios during the holidays, lack of routines

* 115. A Controlling mom, or a capable mom?


* Overspending to make the holidays FEEL good

* 141. When shopping isn’t making your life better (mindful and minimalist tips for shopping)


* Being alone or missing family during the holidays
* Times of transition during the holidays 

* 67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr)


* Simple Christmas (all posts here)



 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

0:10
Hey friends, it's Shawna Scafe, your nerdy girlfriend and counsellor from simple on purpose.ca I thought I would add my last name in there because I never say it and you're probably reading it and don't really know how to pronounce it. So nice to meet you guys. My Instagram used to be Shawna Scafe. But the way it was written everyone thought it was Sean is cafe. And people were genuinely wondering where my cafe was. And that would be so dreamy to have a cafe so but I don't, I don't have a cafe. So I just changed my instagram name to simple on purpose. Anyways, here you are, you're at the simple and purpose podcast. Welcome. And today has been a really busy day. This morning, I did an interview with brandy Hofer. She is a Canadian artist. She's a muralist. She's a portrait artist. She's an educator, she's a speaker, and I have followed her work for actually a lot of years now. And I just love her work. It's so beautiful. It's like a feast for the heart. It's just so wonderful. And I recently had commented on one of her Instagram posts, and she wrote me right back, and she asked me to come on your podcast, which was so cool.
Show more...
1 year ago
16 minutes 33 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
195. The cost of ‘earning’ your rest
A major hurdle that many of us moms to rest is the underlying belief that we need to 'earn our rest'. In this episode, Professional Counsellor and mom of three unpacks how this belief impacts our abilities to rest well, our relationships and our coping habits. 

 

 

This episode is in follow-up to Episode 194. I stopped calling myself a lazy mom 

In this episode, we discuss topics such as:

* relaxation vs pseudo-rest, burnout
* opportunity costs, and how we insert ourselves into the equation

* 188. Motherhood & Instagram Culture (how online communities impact your motherhood experience)
* 189. Prioritizing the day: if everything matters nothing matters and how to apply this in motherhood


* the cultural views on motherhood, being lazy, and earning rest
* how we apply the logic of 'earning rest', seeking external validation, martyrdom

* 67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr)
* 192. Who are you when I’m not looking (internal vs external validation)


* the escape hatch, dealing with our feelings

* 185. Emotional needs in motherhood (what they are and how to meet them)
* 142. What will change cost you? (Paying the status quo or investing in change)
* Show up for your life


* getting the cycle backwards between rest and hard work

* the Instagram post you all loved about rest


* the cycle of hyper-productivity then crashing
* meeting your needs

* the series is right here 



Join the Simple Saturdays newsletter right here 

 



FULL TRANSCRIPT

0:00
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple and purpose podcast.

0:17
So if you're new here, welcome. I am Shawna, I am a mom of three kids in Canada, I am a counselor. And my aim is to equip you with tools and ideas and insights that help you live more simply and more intentionally, in all the areas of your life.

0:31
Show more...
1 year ago
12 minutes 19 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
194. I stopped calling myself a lazy mom (addressing the overwhelm of motherhood)
Do you ever find yourself trying to rest or relax and get this nagging voice telling you that you are being lazy? As moms, this can be a nightly experience, when we finally get the kids down and would like to unwind. Instead, our R&R gets hijacked by this notion that if we aren't doing chores, hobbies, exercise, etc then we are being lazy.  But, odds are you are NOT a lazy mom, rather you are overwhelmed. 

 

 

In this episode we cover some of these topics (and related links you might like):

* The original blog post When I realized I wasn’t a lazy mom, I was just overwhelmed
* Naming our experience

* The power of naming our emotions (how affect labelling can improve your emotional intelligence)


* Societal expectations on moms

* 188. Motherhood & Instagram Culture (how online communities impact your motherhood experience)


* Self-definition (limiting identities)

* 76. Why it matters what you think (limiting mindsets in motherhood)


* Three ways we are exhausted during the day

* Physical exhaustion
* Emotional exhaustion, mirror neurons, our kids' emotions

* 117. Emotional Intelligence 101 (and by Enneagram Type)
* 119. Tolerating tough emotions in our kids (and ourselves)
* 113. Why you aren’t thriving in motherhood (stress and surviving)


* Mental exhaustion, mental load, decision fatigue

* 144. How to lighten the mental load of DECISION FATIGUE




* The counter-argument of 'just be more organized'

* 11 Things That Make My MomLife Simpler
* 133. 4 simple habits that make my momlife better


* How do we handle this voice telling us that we are lazy

* Window of tolerance

* understanding how the window of tolerance impacts your stress in motherhood


* Show more...
1 year ago
13 minutes 25 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
193. Beautiful words that embody simple + intentional living
Words are incredibly powerful, they can communicate exactly what you are thinking, feeling, wanting, needing, in sometimes as little as a single sentence. But that only works when we understand ourselves and have the vocabulary necessary to name our lives. Join me today as I talk about nine beautiful words from other cultures that capture the heart of simple and intentional living and discuss how they can influence your life.

 

 

Naming our experience 

* The power of naming our emotions (how affect labelling can improve your emotional intelligence)
* 117. Emotional Intelligence 101 (and by Enneagram Type)
* The Facebook Community Group 

Hygge

* Hygge vs Minimalism
* Three ways to bring hygge into your daily life
* 174. Christmas hygge ideas + understanding how the window of tolerance impacts your stress in motherhood
* 30 Ways to Hygge When It Is Cold Outside
*  

Lagom

* 164. How I am finding balance in my life this year
* 189. Prioritizing the day: if everything matters nothing matters and how to apply this in motherhood

 

Sisu

* 11. The Finnish Way (sisu) + Do we need so much pantry space?
* 49. Facing change and uncertainty with a growth mindset
* 139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you?
* 15 Practical Tips for Moms to GET STUFF DONE

 

Kaizen

* 78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect)Show more...
1 year ago
19 minutes 21 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
192. Who are you when I’m not looking (internal vs external validation)
We live in an audience-performer culture it is hard to know which decisions we are making for ourselves and which ones we are making for others. What you buy differently, how would you spend your time differently, how would you be differently without feeling like the world is watching?

 

 
In this episode:

* The song that started it all: "Who Are You When I'm Not Looking" by Blake Shelton 
* How hard it can be to 'play' as an adult

* 126. The Joy of Being Mediocre (hobby without the hustle)
* Doing things for an outcome


* Fashion, identity, and societal influences 

* Simple style posts (capsule wardrobes, 30for30 challenge, dressing your age)
* Spending habits


* The Audience-Performer culture of social media 

* Influencers in the wild (article on it here)
* What is sacred vs what is for sharing online
* Our lives as content, for external validation and approval 


* Being part of society, while also being ourselves

* 188. Motherhood & Instagram Culture (How Online Communities Impact Your Motherhood Experience)
* Being valuable and fitting in


* Learning self-definition through the reflection of others

* Moving from external validation to internal validation  
* 134. Do you typecast your kids? (Labels + how they impact our parenting and our kids)


* Women and beauty standards of our culture 

* What does it mean to be a woman when no one is looking?


* Making decisions that are true to you and your passions and preferences, how to get started in small ways

* Validating the little things for yourself 



 
Connect!

* Make sure to share your thoughts and questions in the Simple on Purpose community facebook group!
* What would you like to hear about when it comes to the topic of Simple Living?
* Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)

 



 
Full transcript (unedited)
0:10
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simpler purpose podcast. Around here we talk about ways to simplify your home, your heart and your life. So my aim is to help us all slow down, quiet the noise,
Show more...
1 year ago
17 minutes 14 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
191. Are you idling on your goals or moving them forward (passive action vs massive action)
When we think about the motivation we have to take action, we can sometimes take action that is more passive. The type of action that feels productive but doesn't quite move us in a forward direction. This concept from Brooke Castillo contrasts passive action and massive action. 

 

In this episode, I discuss topics such as:

* How simplifying the home leads to an aim for intentional living
* living intentionally and overcoming complacency
* self-motivation and limiting beliefs
* the concept of passive action vs massive action
* the discomfort of taking action

The upcoming workshop on motivation can be found right here at the Life on Purpose Academy 

Related episodes you might like

* 140. Give your discomfort a purpose #uncomfortableonpurpose
* 139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you?
* 175. What will your future be? More of the same? Or will you turn off the autopilot?
* Two Months In To The #onesmallhabit Challenge

Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)



 
Full Transcript (unedited)
0:11
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy Brooklyn counselor from simple americans.ca. Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. If you're new here, welcome. I'm Shawna, I'm a mom of three. And the whole aim of this podcast is to just be a time for us to take a minute, slow down. Take a breath. I know sometimes I just hear that word breath. And it reminds me to take a breath. And my aim is to help you to stop and take stock of what feels like too much. What maybe it feels like not enough. Where are we on autopilot? What is distracting us? And most importantly, what do we want? What do you want? And I aim to help you move forward with all of these questions, I aim to help you simplify and it might start with decluttering, your home, a drawer or a closet. And we're quickly going to see as I did that, decluttering it helps us to declutter ourselves, if decluttering our space helps us to declutter ourselves. And as we do that, we're also inspired to declutter our lives. And so I often say, I'm here to help you simplify your home, your heart and your life. But all of that clearing that space so that we can fill it with something different so that we can fill our homes, ourselves, our hearts, our lives, our days, with what matters to us. And that's the life on purpose part. So I'm just want to acknowledge that this recording is different. I'm in a hotel right now. And right before I was leaving, yesterday morning, I was searching that was everywhere for this special little adapter that I needed. So I could plug in my microphone, my usual microphone to the computer that I was bringing the laptop. I couldn't find it anywhere. It's such a mystery to me where it has gone. So when I do finally find is going to be somewhere probably ridiculous. Like a kid's duffel bag in the basement or an old like,
Show more...
2 years ago
14 minutes 58 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
190. Planning the day: my weekly routines and rhythms for work, home and family
This is part two of a two-part series about planning your day. If you haven't listened to part one (episode 189), I highly recommend you do so and then come right back to listen to this one. Join me as I guide you through a typical day in my life as a work-from-home mom. I discuss how I use time-blocking, rhythms and answer your questions .



 
In this episode I discuss: 

My typical weekday 

My weekly rhythms for work, home and family
Time-blocking 


How the changing seasons also change my days

Family life, priorities and routines


Answering some questions I’ve been asked about planning my days

Exercise, laundry, meal prep, groceries, planning the week
Derailed plans 



 
All the fun links you might enjoy 

Family rhythms (setting your own, and worksheets) Family Rhythms + free worksheet
Planning the week with your partner What happened in my marriage when we started weekly calendar meetings
Exercise for wellbeing 184. Movement as self-care (exercise for wellbeing, not weight loss)
Establishing a chore routine 61. How we introduced chores to our kids (Saturday Morning Chores)
Creating your own simple cleaning routines Homemaker, on Purpose (the guidebook)
Working on your sense of capability 115. A Controlling mom, or a capable mom?
170. Planning the Day (reactive vs proactive, tools and approaches I use)
129. Does your ‘to-do list’ overwhelm you? Expectation overwhelm and how to handle it.

 

Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)

 
Upcoming workshops and coaching:

The Oct 13 group coaching session

The Oct 27 workshop on motivation


Full transcript (with timestamps)
0:00
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple and purpose podcast.

0:16
This episode is part two, actually. So I would encourage you to go back to the previous episode and listen to that first. These episodes are on planning my day planning my week and the first episode I talked about applying that concept of if everything matters, nothing matters. And I think that's just really a good foundation to have in the back of your mind when you're thinking about filling your day, and how you're going to fill your day. So I encourage you to go back and listen to that.

0:42
Let's talk about my typical day, which is a question you guys have asked me. I kind of like hearing on other people's days, I don't know, I they used to do that Instagram challenge, like a day in the life or I forget what it's called, like one hour every? I don't know. Anyways, I thought it was really interesting. I like to peek in on how other people were spending their time. So I'm going to talk about my day and then answer a bunch of que...
Show more...
2 years ago
20 minutes 4 seconds

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting
When the clutter, motherhood, relationships, and life seem too overwhelming. When you have resentment and frustration every day - this is a sign you have been living on auto-pilot- letting life happen to you instead of living it ON PURPOSE. I’ve been there. Three kids under 4 and I decided to declutter my home and realized I was living my whole life on autopilot. I wanted more. I wanted to take action, be more present, have more fun! Enjoy my kids! I’m Shawna, You might know me as your Nerdy Girlfriend. I am a Certified Coach Practitioner, a Transformational Life Coach, and Registered Professional Counsellor-Candidate (RPC-C). I use the Enneagram, Faith and CBT as tools in my life coaching approach. I teach moms around the world the tools they need to set values and vision for the 9 areas of their lives so they can take the right steps towards living life ON PURPOSE. Find my books, course and blog at simpleonpurpose.ca