I’m addressing my inner skeptics with gratitude and farewells as I reconnect with forgotten ways of caring for myself. I'm also exploring how to honor my inner work while stepping into more outer work: expressing, collaborating, connecting, expanding, engaging, impacting, and making bold moves. We all have so much beauty, love, and creativity to share with the world. What happens when we set it free?
My question for you:
What love are you keeping to yourself? How can you give it form, let it be known, set it free?
Love and gratitude for Grandma Judie and Bonnie Badenoch. Special thanks to Marie Kondo.
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Instagram: @un.fiving
Music by Sleeping at Last
A simple, fun exercise to shift your relationship to the shame and fear getting in your way and strengthen your connection to what freedom feels like for you.
Let me know if you find it helpful!
Instagram: @un.fiving
Music by Sleeping at Last
I’m taking a step back to look at the forest, then refocusing on the trees. Setting my values and finding inspiration for the next stretch of my path.
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Mentioned in this episode:
Let me know what lands for you!
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Music by Sleeping at Last
Production by me, Monica Bahan
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Anxiety and self-doubt kept me away, but I’m back and have a few new intentions for the podcast going forward.
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Music by Sleeping At Last
Everything else by me, Monica Bahan
Email: unfiving@gmail.com
Instagram: @un.fiving
First, more thoughts on the enneagram frame as I experience it:
- Subtypes/instinctual variants: self-preservation (individual), sexual (one-to-one), and social (collective). My attention stack goes in that order: self-preservation first—so I'm a self-preservation subtype of the 5—then sexual, then social. These days I'm focusing more on the social level after leaving it on the back burner for a long time. What does your stack look like?
- (un)fiving: using the enneagram to facilitate change, self-awareness, and acceptance
- 5 things: reading/consulting a bunch of books and having a ton of browser tabs open at any given time
- 5 thing: using imagination to both escape and complement tangible reality
- 5 thing: disappearing, minimizing my presence when I’m stressed or people around me are stressed (and I get the sense I can’t help or have reached the limits of my helpfulness)
- 5 thing: carrying an implicit belief, from the deep past, that I shouldn’t take up space (because I’m not worthy, it’s selfish, it would impose on someone else, yada yada yada—minds make up stories like it’s their job)
- 5 thing (moving toward 8): learning to boldly take up my space, assert my opinions and desires, ask for what I want and need, accept kindness (maybe even compliments, but that feels harder—more on trust soon!) and generosity from others
Also:
A nod to Martha Beck and a small instance of synchronicity / good timing amidst the exhaustion of parenting a toddler.
Appreciation for a kind stranger in a purple sweater.
Gratitude for the sentiment of “no rush”, forever and always.
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I would absolutely love to hear from any other fives, five-adjacent, five-curious, or really anyone inclined to share about if and how these themes play out in your lives too.
Find me on Instagram @un.fiving
Music by Sleeping At Last
Production by me, Monica Bahan
Accompanying photos on Instagram @un.fiving
What I mean when I say I’m an enneagram 5 with a 4 wing (5w4): revisiting the foundational conceptual frame for this podcast. The episode ends with the full song “Five” by Sleeping At Last (with a run time 5:55, of course).
Tendencies include:
Hoarding ideas, dreams, favors, credits, intellectual resources and physical materials for just-in-case use in the future.
Hiding my vulnerability and retreating into an appropriate social role, especially when I sense meaningful connection isn’t available.
Straight up dissociating. This can take several different forms. Sometimes shutting down and going numb and coming back to my experiencing self later.
Getting hung up on details; sometimes not being able to move forward or take a stance if I feel I don’t have a super solid foundation of understanding of something.
Feeling deeply and only finding language for those feelings later, sometimes much much later and the words still feel inadequate.
More in the next episode.
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Are you a five or do you think you could be? Let me know if any of these are true for you.
It’s been a while. I was coping with a down shift in support, focused on getting through each day without major problems, and working my way through a couple major problems that did crop up, including crises of confidence and direction. I grappled with hormonal chaos and destabilization in my living situation and closest relationships, all while continuing to care for my toddler full time and getting very little sleep. I went deep into 5w4 survival strategies. (More on that coming soon).
I’m finding my way back and feeling stronger and wiser for having walked through those fires. I’m feeling optimistic again. My brain and body are too tired to be anxious.
Let me know what resonates and what you want to hear more of.
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Background photo by me, Monica
Music by Sleeping At Last
Production by me, Monica Bahan
Accompanying photos on Instagram @un.fiving
A brief follow-up to Episode 9. A reflection on some of the ways I fostered a healthy relationship to self, and how that was necessary for engaging with the enneagram of personality as a channel for growth.
Before you deconstruct your ego you have to build a robust relationship to self so you have somewhere to stand while you do it. I don’t mean developing a static sense of a static self—quite the opposite. It’s about developing a dynamic and ever-evolving set of practices and perspectives concerning Self, your selves’ observable behaviors, acceptance and change.
Now is the best time to start. Begin, continue, begin again.
Mentioned in this episode:
- The Avett Brothers band and their song Shame
- Noting and labeling practice to get to know one’s internal processes (a practice I learned as taught by Shinzen Young)
- The refractory period of an emotion Self-compassion (particularly the work of Kristin Neff)
- Ellen Langer’s (very American) definition of mindfulness as a flexible cognitive state in which one is able to perceive and process new information
- A popular, secular Buddhist definition of mindfulness as a state of intentional and nonjudgmental attention to the present moment (I think this may have originated with Jon Kabat-Zinn, whose book Full-Catastrophe Living was one of my most powerful introductions to formal meditation practice; I can’t recommend his work highly enough)
- Barbara Fredrickson’s broaden and build theory
- The field of Behavior Analysis and the book Self-Directed Behavior by David L. Watson and Roland G. Tharp (I used the tenth edition) for changing behavior
- Sam Harris’ Waking Up app
Let me know what resonates and what you want to hear more about.
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Background photo by me, Monica
Music by Sleeping At Last
Production by me, Monica Bahan
Accompanying photos on Instagram @un.fiving
Ugh. Are you as tired of hearing about gratitude as I am? No? Cool. Either way, I’m gonna tell you about how buzz words turn me off and how I’ve opened up the concept of gratitude to build something meaningful and essential to my me-ness in a way that works for me. Also a preview of some ideas coming soon: emotional storms and minimizing my presence as a social preservation response.
Let me know what resonates and what you want to hear more of.
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Background photo by me, Monica, the day of recording
Music by Sleeping At Last
Production by me, Monica Bahan
Accompanying photos on Instagram @un.fiving
