FixerUpperMarriage.org/meNewsletterA Me 1st StoryI dropped the phone on my bed. It was late and something had just snapped inside of me. I am letting go of my phone, but actually I am letting go of something much bigger. And it feels good. It had taken me almost a year to get to this point, but I am here now trying to make sense of how I feel. I had just said something that at one time I wondered if I would ever be able to say. I didn’t know what would happen next, but it didn’t matter right now. Everything had just changed. I buried the hurt from everyone, and now it was coming back out. I knew once I said what I was going to say, I would never be able to take it back. So I paused for a moment, took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and just let the words come out. It took all the courage I could muster but I finally did it.At that moment I let go of me. I let go of my past. I let go of everything that I was holding on to that made me feel safe. It was like stepping off a cliff not knowing where I would land. Just a few minutes earlier I had slowly picked up the phone and punched in the number. My heart was racing and my hands were sweating as I listened to the ringing tone on the other end. The conversation wouldn’t really matter this time, only the last phrase. I kept repeating that phrase to myself in my head the whole time.When her voice picked up, I stumbled through the conversation for a while. Then I just said it. It was three little words that I knew would change me forever.I said, “I love you”.  And the response on the other end still echos in my mind 17 years later, “I Love you too.”  I gave in to love, and love gave in to me.“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”― C.S. Lewis, The Four LovesThis is Why and How You Should Have a Me 1st Marriage.


Table Of Contents

A Me 1st StoryThere Cannot Be Two without One FirstLove Is Ultimately a Self-Focused EmotionA Team Is Only as Good as Its MembersTake Time to Focus on Your Personal Well-BeingEvaluate Yourself PeriodicallyMake Personal Time for YourselfSummary

There Cannot Be Two without One FirstMarriage Is Like the Tango DanceWhen we were little, my sister and I would fight, and then blame each other for starting it. My mother would then say, “It takes two to tango!” She meant that it takes two people to fight, just like it takes two to perform the Tango dance!But marriage is like a life-long Tango dance. You hold each other tightly and maneuver through the rhythm of life together.You must have a partner to do itYou just can’t go solo in a Tango. You have to have a lover to love. You have to be lovable to be loved. The dance of love can only begin when the lovers ...

FixerUpperMarriage.org/messyAugust 5th, 2004 around 9 PMI am curled up on the cold, hard floor in the corner of a hospital room. And I am crying.The thing is, I don’t cry. I am like Clint Eastwood in those old spaghetti westerns. I never flinch, never panic, and I always have a plan. But not today. Instead, I am sobbing and hoping that no one sees me.It all started a couple of months after our wedding day. I had married the woman of my dreams. We loved each other madly, kissed passionately, and did everything together. When she told me I was in complete shock. It was late at night and I went outside, in the dark, to water the bushes I had planted a couple of weeks before. I was gone awhile before I was able to come back in and deal with the news.From that moment on, our lives changed forever. We spent money that we didn’t have preparing for a baby- our baby to come. Then the most incredible thing happened one night on the way home from church. Amber felt the baby move! It made everything different. Our excitement hit a fever pitch!Soon that all changed early one morning when she woke in intense pain. After a frantic drive to the hospital, we found out she was in labor, but it was way too early. I held her hand for hours until she finally had the baby. He was a perfect little boy, but he was lifeless. In the days, weeks, months, and years that followed we dealt with the pain, grief, and sorrow that accompany that kind of loss. It still hurts when I remember the cruel words of well-intentioned friends. It is the kind of loss that people just don’t know how to respond to. Somehow we made it through but not without scars and moments of complete frustration. We found out that life and love is messy. And it’s the mess that has defined our relationship over the years.The truth about love is that it is messy. So why is love so messy?Table of Contents


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Love is Messy BecauseAnd That’s OK

Love is Messy Because

* It Is Risky* It Is Free * It Is Prone to FailAnd That’s OK Because

* It Is Amazing* It is Relentless* It Is Dysfunctional Love is Messy BecauseIt Is Risky You can find the risk of love embedded in the Gospel story. Jesus loves you so much that he would give His life for you knowing that you might reject His offer of salvation. How many souls even say yes to Jesus only to someday turn their back on Him? Loving me is a risk that Jesus took to save me. Love is messy because it is risky.For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. -Romans 5:6-8 Security is an IllusionWe all work hard to build a sense of security in love. You share a bank account. You buy a house together. You even share your hopes and dreams with each other. But in reality, everything could change in a moment of time. It would just take one life event, or one spouse giving up on the relationship. You take for granted that your spouse will always be there. When dating, you did everything you could to keep them, but now, armed with a sense of security, you let down your guard and give in to the idea that your spouse will always be there. The Bible makes it clear that things are not so secure in this life.Boast not thyself of to morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth. -Proverbs 27:1Go to now, ye that say, To day or to morrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell,

FixerUpperMarriage.org/mindfulNewsletterIt was late one Saturday night when I left my wife’s house. We had been seeing each other for a while but were not yet engaged. We were falling in love and it was hard to leave her, so I stayed as long as I could. The hardest part about long-distance relationships is saying goodbye. So we reluctantly lingered on her front porch, and I finally faded back to my truck. I had at least a 3-hour drive home, so I put on a CD to listen to. The player was set to loop, and in the end, it would just automatically start over.She lived in a small town near the Virginia/ North Carolina state line. It was about 40 minutes through tiny two-lane country roads to the interstate. When I got there, I settled into the leather seats of my truck and activated the cruise control. I could hear large transfer trucks passing by and could see the endless headlights coming at me from the other lanes. It would be like this for hours as I barrelled down Interstate 85. Everything looked the same, except the numbers on the mile markers went down and the inevitable construction zones just outside of Charlotte, North Carolina. I think the road crews have been working in about the same spots for like 30 years.About an hour from home there was a Kangaroo gas station/truck stop. I had stopped there before to get gas or a sida to keep me awake. But tonight I just kept going. That sign was the last thing I saw.The next morning I woke up fully clothed in my bed. My suitcase was outside at the front door. To this day I can’t remember what happened for the last hour of that drive. Somehow I made it safely home, but I completely lost an hour of my life. I just missed whatever happened. This is the way that life and marriage can get if you are not careful. You just miss what’s going in your life. It’s like you are sleep-driving through your marriage oblivious to anything and everything until you realize it’s gone.Some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until 75-Benjamin Franklin Table of Contents5 Ways to Become Relationship Mindful* Turn off Your Cruise Control* Be Intentional * Set Expectations for Your Relationship* Make Your “Tuesdays” Meaningful* Live Like You Won’t Have Tomorrow1. Turn off Your Cruise ControlAt some point in life, we all have a tendency to get comfortable, set the cruise control and just ride. The hope is that you will just end up where you are supposed to be. This is not healthy for your life or your relationship because life does not stay the same. And you will miss all those changes and opportunities to love and live life together.God Doesn’t Want You to Stay the SameAnd beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. II Peter 1:5-8Life with God is a constant push to change and grow in your faith and walk with the Lord. If you are not moving forward with God, you are going backward. [bctt tweet=”The gear shifter of your faith doesn’t have neutral, only a forward and reverse.”]There are plenty of people who never grow in their walk with the Lord. But God is not pleased with that. In fact, He fills your life with changes to push you to change. Even hardships have a divine and ultimate purpose of changing you into the image of Christ. God wants you to constantly add to your faith. Your Marriage Demands that You ChangeIf you have been married for any length of time, you know that things change. These changes demand that you make adjustments in your relationship.Things change in your relationship,

FixerUpperMarriage.org/RxNo one would argue that the institution of marriage is in trouble today. The divorce rate is off the charts. Couples married for years are getting divorced or separated. I am even shocked at the number of couples in the ministry who are struggling with their marriage relationship. Most of the time you don’t see their problems until it is unavoidable in becoming public. And that is just in what we can actually see. I think that there are many more marriages struggling that we don’t know about. Maybe a couple stays together because of a church position like a pastor. Or maybe they stay together to protect their pride and reputation. Regardless of the actual reasons for keeping a marriage together in public, they are broken and hurting in private. Eventually, those problems come out of hiding, whether it is to the children who are close to it or the general public in an explosive reveal. It’s the heartbreaking loss of a beautiful love that becomes a news cycle within the circle of people that we know. Have you heard that they are no longer together? No, wait, you mean that couple? You can’t ignore marriage problems and expect them to get better on their own. Nor can you neglect your marriage relationship and expect to stay happily married. You may be happy for a time, but that neglect will show itself.Obviously, God didn’t intend for your marriage to just exist. No, God means for your marriage to thrive and for you to stay madly in love for a lifetime. So let’s find God’s prescription for a hurting marriage.Table of ContentsGod’s Prescription for a Hurting Marriage* Laugh Often Together* Give Good Reviews* Make Your Marriage a Ministry1. Laugh Often TogetherI have to admit that this is a prescription that has been hard for my wife and me to take lately. There are things about life that are sometimes hard to understand and accept. It’s the kind of thing that you can’t really share with people. Also, you may know that my nephew Jack was killed by a reckless driver a couple of months back. This makes most of the things we do in life seem so frivolous. The bottom line is, we have not laughed very much lately. But that doesn’t change the value of it.Laughter is the Best MedicineIt’s an old saying that is actually backed by the Bible. If your marriage is hurting, laughing is like a medication that heals those hurts. Listen to what God says about it.A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. Proverbs 17:22And not just laughing in general, but laughing together brings healing to the hurts of your marriage. Sometimes, Amber and I talk about our honeymoon, which, looking back, had a lot of laughable moments! For example, I was going to be romantic by carrying her over the threshold of the door into our hotel room on our first night together. Instead, I violently slammed her head against the door frame! We both grew up in strict homes and instead of being romantic, I was just clumsy and awkward. We had no idea what we were doing! It’s OK though because we loved each other. And eventually, I learned to not be like Hagar the Horrible! These memories are the kinds of things that make us laugh together. Laughing together is like a medicine that heals the hurts in your marriage. The memories of those funny moments, make your life together more meaningful and intimate. [bctt tweet=”Laughter is like a glue that makes your relationship stick together.”] I am not talking about being silly all the time, but taking the time as a  couple to enjoy each other’s company. It makes all the difference in the world to your relationship.Laughter is IntimateThere is something intimate for a man and woman to laugh together. It’s like you are making a connection with each other that takes your relationship to a deeper level. If my wife and I were struggling in our relationship and I saw her laughing with another man...

FixerUpperMarriage.org/soulmateThe search for your soul mate is promoted everywhere. Dating websites promise to find them with compatibility tests. Even the premise of many fairy tales is to find your one true love. Young people daydream about finding the perfect one for them. So the soul mate idea becomes a fantasy. And your expectations for your potential spouse skyrocket to the moon. The pressure mounts to find that one person out of 6,840,507,000 in the world. So you develop a wishlist for a potential soul mate.  In your mind, a fantasy of the perfect marriage partner evolves. This fantasy becomes the object of your search. Then comes the romantic notion that destiny will lead you to the one. The stars will align and the universe will put you together.How to Find Your Soulmate* Stop Looking for Your Soulmate* Look for Someone You Can Build a Lifetime Relationship With* Find Your Soulmate in the Spouse You Already have.1. Stop Looking for Your SoulmateThe problem is in the fantasy part of a soul mate. There is no one that fits the fantasy that you have developed in your mind. Every person is flawed including you. The soulmate ideal that you have conjured in your imagination is not real. Do the MathIf there is only 1 perfect person for you. You have a 1 in 10,000 chance of finding them, that’s a .010 percent chance. Still, according to a 2011 Marist Poll nearly 3 out 4 people believe they will find their soulmate. So you come up with the perfect person, and destiny puts you together. If the numbers mean anything, it’s not going to happen for you. According to National Geographic, there is 1 in 3,000 chance you will be struck by lightning during your lifetime. So, if I am doing the math right, you are more likely to be struck by lightning 3 times in your life than to find your fantasy soulmate.Stay Away from Trick or Treat DatingIt is the Halloween tradition for kids to wear costumes and go door to door through a neighborhood. They knock on a door and say “trick or treat” and when it is answered, the adult inside gives them candy. This is actually kinda scary, and it doesn’t seem safe to ask a complete stranger for candy!But this is how dating or courting is handled today. You put on a costume, go to a stranger, who is wearing a costume, and ask them to give you your favorite candy. You don’t show them the real you, and they don’t show you the real them. All you really want is some of that fantasy candy you have been dreaming about! So you find it, and they give it to you.So you meet a person who checks off some of your soulmate requirements. And your mind races to a fantasy future with that person. You compare that person to your fantasy. And with the costume and candy it’s hard to see all the parts about that person that don’t match your fantasy.Eventually, the infatuation wears off. The costumes come off and the candy gets stale. And you find out that your soulmate wasn’t your soulmate after all! You tried to force that person into the image that you had of your perfect mate. Come to find out, they just didn’t fit it. It’s called confirmation bias. It’s when wishful thinking causes you to only see the positive qualities of your soul mate and not the negative ones. It’s like conducting a science experiment when you have already drawn a conclusion.Real Love Doesn’t Work Like a Fairy TaleI think a lot of people have gotten the idea that the marriage ceremony is the goal of love. It’s like the Disney movie when Prince Charming finds Snow White.

FixerUpperMarriage.org/leaveLearn some Bible principles for divorce and separation. As a note, if you are affected by this I would advise you to counsel with your pastor before you make any decisions related to this. You have to live with the consequences of this decision, so you should seek godly counsel. Also, if the story of your life has been touched by this, it is not my desire to hurt you or put you down. God works in your life where you are at right now, He doesn’t hold your past against you as far as your relationship with Him is concerned. God will not treat you differently because of mistakes in your past, I will not either. However, this is an important issue that needs to be dealt with.   Table of Contents:*  What Does God Think About Divorce?* God’s Principles for Separation.* Value of Staying Together.1. What Does God Think About Divorce?Everyone has an opinion these days, but what about God who invented marriage? It all started with the first man and woman when He put them together and created the covenant of marriage.Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24In the marriage ceremony, a vow is made between husband and wife. When this vow occurs God puts these two people together in the covenant of marriage. This is not just a legal matter of the state, but a matter of faith. Two become one in the bond of marriage. A man and woman who enter into this covenant are made one flesh by God.We all come together with family and friends to celebrate this union. This is because marriage is an integral part of our faith, it is not just something we do. For legal purposes, you get a wedding license and are recognized by the government as in marital status. However, God is the one who makes you one, not the government.  This is an important concept to understand in the modern marriage debate, as bad as some people want, the government cannot force God to accept what people call gay marriage today. God will not make a man and a man one flesh, nor will he make a woman and a woman one flesh. He made them male and female and this is God’s formula for marriage even though the government may make it legal. God Hates DivorceYet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.  And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.  For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.Malachi 2:14-16God feels so strongly about the matter that He uses the word hate. This is because it destroys the beautiful picture that He painted with the marriage covenant. Marriage is a symbol and type of the relationship between Christ and the Church. (See Ephesian 5:21-32)  In verse 32, the Bible says, This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. As a Christian, your marriage represents the Gospel message to this world. When you break that covenant you break that message that God intended for marriage to send out.To be honest with you, I hate divorce too. To see what it does to people and relationships.  To think about how it impacts children for the rest of their lives. Frankly, it is a shame that it is so prevalent in the church. It is shame a Christian couple can’t learn to get along. The truth is that sometimes you have to put in the effort to make your marriage better. It may take some work on your part. You could seek Christian counseling.

FixerUpperMarriage.org/togetherWhen you are fixing up a house, you can find some unexpected issues.  Maybe you discover that there is no insulation in part of the house. Maybe the electrical wires or the plumbing pipes were installed wrong.  There could be a number of unexpected problems to show up.Likewise, when you are trying to fixing up your marriage, you may find unexpected problems that you did not realize were there.  There could be problems that your spouse has that you were unaware of until you tried to make things better. Today, learn three ways to fix your marriage together.1. Find Your Common EnemyI have a friend who fought in the Gulf War in Iraq.  He has told me several times about how when he first enlisted they all had groups.  Everyone just found a specific group of people like themselves. For example, he is from New York, so he hung out with the guys from that area.  However, when they went into battle, there were no groups because they all had a common enemy to fight.Marriage can get this way, you are so busy fighting with each other that you forget that you have a common enemy.  You can become one by understanding that there are outside forces that are trying to destroy your marriage. You can learn how to fight them together.The Devil Is Your EnemyYou must understand that the devil hates a godly marriage, and he hates the home.  Two people who join together in the marriage bond can work together to expand the Church of the living God more than one person alone.  Therefore he is actively seeking to destroy the Christian marriage and family.In understanding this as a couple you can put aside the things you may be fighting about and work together to solve the problems in your marriage.Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. John 8: 44Your Marriage Is a TargetYou may think that you are not worth the trouble of satan targeting you, but you are if you attempt to live for God and have a good marriage.  Don’t be naive about what the devil is doing to your marriage. If you don’t believe me, try making a choice to change something in your life for the better.   For example, try saying something like I am going to more faithful to church, and everything that can go wrong on Sunday morning will go wrong on Sunday morning.  Anytime you try to move forward for God, your adversary will try to block you. He knows that the mission of the Gospel could be advanced and he will do anything to stop it.Anytime you try to do something for God, you will face the opposition of the devil.  Mark it down, satan has a bullseye on your back and he has some fiery darts ready to throw at you.  Understanding this is the first step to defeating him in your life and marriage.Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. Ephesians 6: 16Recognize and Fight Him TogetherMy nephews are big-time hunters, they just love to hunt and trap game.  I have seen their traps before. Some are small cages with lure inside and door that drops and traps them.  Others are springloaded foothold traps when the unexpecting animal steps on the trigger and it locks on its foot.  They choose a location, set the trap and come back later to check them.The draw of sex outside of the marriage covenant is the trap of satan.  Those images that tempt a man, are snares of satan to ruin your marriage relationship.  He sets them up on the internet, then he stops be later to see who he has caught. The temptation of flirting with another person is a snare that satan has set to catch you,

 A Guide to Adding Decor to Your Fixer Upper MarriageFixerUpperMarriage.org/decorFull Assurance:  A Simple Tool for Gaining Real Assurance of Salvation is on sale now.  It is available on Amazon. If you buy the paperback version between August 12th-16th(2019), you can get the Kindle (ebook) version for free, with an app you can save the book on your phone or tablet.  For more information visit FixerUpperMarriage.org/FullAssurance.  Just click on the paperback version and it should give you the ebook as you check out.  Assurance is something I personally struggled with for a few years. So this is a book from someone who has been there.  Our website now has a bookstore that I will be adding to overtime. Send any questions to Jason@fixeruppermarriage.org.When fixing up a house, the decorations are what really make it special.  All the choices you get to make, come together to make your house unique. You pick the paint colors, the pictures on the wall, the style of the drapes, and even the little decor in your kitchen.   In our living room, we have shadow boxes with baby items from all our children. There are also pictures that we have bought and that family members have given to us. Our kitchen cabinets are all topped with decorative baskets that my wife has collected over the years.  We have red storage containers and appliances. This is the way we want it. The decorations in our home are the results of all the little decisions that we have made about what we want.  Marriage is a lot like your house.  The little things that you want, that you add to your marriage make it unique and desirable to you.  All the little choices that you make add up to making your marriage the way that you want it. You chose to have those picture frames in the hallway.  You chose the style of that quilt in your bedroom. You have made choices that make your marriage what is, and those choices reflect what you want.  This is 3 Ways to Have the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted.  This is your guide for interior decorating in your marriage.This brings us to short Bible verse I discovered this week hidden within the writings of the minor prophets.  The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.Zephaniah 3:17This model from God is the key to decorating your marriage and getting what YOU want out of it.3 Ways to have the marriage you’ve always wanted:1. Learn to Change YouThis is like the secret ingredient to a happy marriage.  Decorate your marriage with change. Not just any change, but your own changes.  Like many of the minor prophet books of the Bible, (They are minor because of their length, not the value of their content) Zephaniah is filled with warnings of destruction for Israel because of them forsaking God.  However, in this section of the book, things have changed, and the Bible says that God will save.  This a huge change for those willing to turn from their sins.Stop Trying to Change Your Spouse I don’t know why we do it, but we all do.  You wish for your spouse to be better, or even worse you try to make your spouse better.  This never ends well for your marriage. Looking and waiting for a change in your spouse is like waiting to win the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes- it’s not gonna happen!  It like the odds are stacked against you.The husband wishes his wife were different and instead of sitting down to discuss it, he becomes disconnected.  Then it becomes like a cycle when the wife notices the disconnection and tries to fix the husband. So, instead of becoming more as he wants, she becomes less of it in trying to change him.  This can get so bad,

FixerUpperMarriage.org/ruinMarriage is like a house.  There are things you can do or not do, that can over time ruin the property.  When you don’t fix things when they break, or do preventive maintenance, your house can go from nice to run down and maybe even unlivable.  Your marriage is the same way, if you just ignore your problems or refuse to work at preventing them, your marriage can go from nice to run down, or maybe even unlivable!  Learn how to change the things that ruin your marriage.1. Ignore Your SpouseListening is a key part of succeeding in a marriage relationship.   It is like my relationship with God, knowing that He is listening to me, gives me comfort and security.  And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:  And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him. I john 5: 14-15Knowing that your spouse cares enough about you to listen to what you have to say creates comfort and security in your relationship.  Likewise, if you don’t listen to your spouse it gives them the signal that you don’t care about what they have to say.The LISTEN MethodLLook at your spouse- Make eye contact when you are listening.  Even if you are “multitasking”, giving your undivided attention lets your spouse know that you care.IInitiate conversations- Ask about how their day is going, or how things were at work.  This confirms that you actually care about the things you are asking about.SSupport your spouse when listening.  Listen with understanding. Practice listening, so that you can summarize what your spouse is saying if needed.TTalk with your spouse.  Participate in the conversation.  This sends the unmistakable signal that you want to be involved with what is important to your spouse.EEngage in the conversation.  Ask follow up questions to learn about the context of the conversation.NNourish the conversation.  Keep conversations with your spouse alive and new.  Learn to enjoy being a part of the conversation. Make listening your pastime.Stop talking about yourselfYou talk about the things that are important to you and expect your spouse to listen.  However, your spouse may have some things that are important to them. Sometimes it may be time to stop talking and listen to what your spouse has to say.  This is when listening becomes incredibly intimate.  To think that my spouse is so interested in me, that she would stop talking about the things that she cares about to find out what I care about!  This is an act so personal, it sparks a flame of passion that you can’t find anywhere else in this world.  Have you ever experienced God answering a prayer for you?  If not, I would highly recommend that you ask for some specific, personal things from God. (see James 4: 2-3)  It is like your faith in Him just explodes! I believed that He was listening to me, now I absolutely know that He was not only listening, but He cared about what I was saying to him.The marriage relationship can be similar.  If you know that your spouse is listening to you, the joy in your marriage will just explode!  It is just another way that the marriage covenant reflects the story of the Gospel. He loves us with a love that is so intense, that it inspires Him to listen.  Love your spouse with a love so intense, that it inspires you to listen.2.  Be Greedy The Gospel story involves a giving that is unimaginable.  God gave his son.For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3: 16He traded the life of His Son for unworthy sinners.  It was a trade for people who cared nothing about Him,