What happens when a simple email about work scripts triggers a complete relationship nosedive? In this raw, unfiltered episode, we witness Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill work through an actual conflict from the day before—and discover how identity loss was at the root of their disconnect.
This isn't theory. This is real marriage work happening in real-time.
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Key Timestamps:
This episode is essential for:
Resources Mentioned:
Download the Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast
Work with a certified Connection Codes coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches
Explore the School of Connection for deep-dive marriage transformation
Topics: marriage conflict resolution, emotional health in relationships, identity crisis in marriage, emotional processing, leadership and emotional intelligence, relationship repair, overcoming disconnection, mental health in marriage, core emotions, validation in relationships
Episode 188: Identity Over Truth - Why We're All Desperate to Be Seen
In this powerful episode, Tera Wages and Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill explore why humans prioritize identity over truth—and how this fundamental need shapes everything from our marriages to the polarizing world we see online.
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Resources:
Follow Connection Codes:Instagram: @connectioncodesFacebook: Connection CodesWebsite: www.connectioncodes.co
In this deeply vulnerable episode, Dr. Glen and Phyllis continue their real-time conflict from last week, diving into the messy reality of what it looks like when one partner is thriving while the other is just beginning to recover from burnout. Recorded just moments after a morning conflict, this episode captures the raw, unscripted reality of navigating relationship pain when one person has no reserves left and the other is wondering when things will feel "normal" again. Glen and Phyllis, along with host Tera Wages, explore the invisible weight of mental and emotional labor in relationships, how partners experience the same events differently and arrive at different emotional places, the fear and uncertainty of not knowing how long a partner's pain will last, identity crisis and what it means to feel completely empty of reserves, the importance of getting curious instead of trying to fix, why processing pain 10,000 times is actually healthy (not a problem), how to support a partner who is in a season of deep transition, and the power of doing the Core Emotion Wheel regularly, especially during hard seasons. You'll learn why one partner can feel like they "sprinted" across the finish line while the other "crawled," how to recognize when mental/emotional labor is just as taxing as physical labor, the difference between desire and capacity in your body, why it's crucial to turn toward your partner and share your emotions in the moment, how to invite your partner back into connection when they miss with you, why identity pain is the greatest pain and requires the most patience, and the importance of slowing down and asking "Ooh, tell me more" instead of problem-solving. Whether you're the partner crawling across the finish line or the one wondering when your spouse will "bounce back," this episode offers permission to feel all of it, process it together, and remember that you're not broken—you're just human.
Chapters:
00:00:00 - Disclaimer
00:02:30 - "I Don't Know If This Is a 5 Year or 25 Year Plan"
00:05:50 - Phyllis's Perspective: "I'm Still Discovering Me"
00:10:40 - The Identity Crisis: Selling the Company and Losing a Lane
00:13:00 - Learning to Feel Emotions for the First Time: "Oh, That's What Burnout Feels Like"
00:21:05 - "I Have No Reserves": A New Experience
00:22:10 - Desire vs. Capacity: Learning to Listen to Your Body
00:24:10 - Different Experiences at the Finish Line: "I Crawled, You Sprinted"
00:40:00 - Identity Pain Is the Greatest Pain
00:42:00 - "I Just Want You to Turn to Me"
00:47:20 - The Lifeline: Using the Core Emotion Wheel in Hard Seasons
Links and Resources:
Take the Connection Codes Assessment
Watch previous episodes on navigating conflict
Connect with us on Instagram: @connectioncodes
Tera, Dr. Glenn, and Phyllis dive into the powerful interplay between vulnerability and safety in relationships. Drawing from personal stories, cultural examples, and decades of work with Connection Codes, they unpack how many of us were raised to silence emotions—and how this creates barriers to intimacy. The hosts explore why vulnerability is not weakness but the very act that creates safety, and how micro-moments of authentic sharing lay the foundation for trust. With practical insights, like using the Core Emotion Wheel and reframing fear, this conversation equips you to transform your relationships into safe spaces where real connection can thrive
Chapters:
- 00:00:00 - TV shows and vulnerability
- 00:01:20 - Introducing core concepts
- 00:04:51 - Childhood lessons on suppression
- 00:07:51 - The vulnerability paradox
- 00:11:12 - Unfamiliar territory
- 00:15:30 - Foundation-building moments
- 00:19:24 - Recognizing safe people
- 00:23:30 - Fear vs. safety
- 00:28:39 - Everyday vulnerability
- 00:35:26 - The cab story
- 00:41:42 - Authenticity without guarantees
- 00:47:35 - Losing and finding relationships
- 00:53:01 - The Core Emotion Wheel
- 00:58:04 - Starting your journey
Links and Resources:
- https://connectioncodes.co/
- https://connectioncodes.co/get-the-cew
- https://www.amazon.com/Connection-Codes-Blueprint-Creating-Relationships-ebook/dp/B093TLDT71
In this episode Tera, Dr. Glenn, and Phyllis take on one of the most misunderstood and weaponized words in relationships: forgiveness. They unpack why simply saying “I forgive you” rarely brings peace, and how unprocessed pain lingers in the body long after conflict. Through personal stories, faith reflections, and the practical tools of the Connection Codes, they reveal why true healing comes through release—acknowledging, voicing, and processing hurt in safe spaces. Listeners will learn how to move beyond judgment, create authentic emotional connection, and experience freedom without erasing their pain or enabling harmful dynamicsChapters:
Links and Resources:
- Connection Codes Emotion Wheel - https://connectioncodes.co/wheel-download
- Connection Codes Book - https://www.amazon.com/Connection-Codes-Blueprint-Creating-Relationships/dp/B093QCHZ76
- Become a Connection Codes Coach - https://connectioncodes.co/certified-coaching#certifiedcoachingtopofhome
In this vulnerable and empowering conversation, host Tera Wages sits down with Ally Bullock — licensed marriage and family therapist, Head of Relationships at Paired, and creator of Relationships with Ally. Together, they unpack the realities of sex and intimacy after parenting. From mismatched desire and the weight of invisible labor, to the science behind stress and sexual satisfaction, Ally shares practical strategies couples can use to reconnect. Listeners will hear real-life stories, expert insights, and powerful tools — like co-regulation rituals, responsive desire reframes, and scheduling intimacy — that can transform the way partners approach connection in the busiest seasons of life.
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Relationship with Aly Website:
In this powerful conversation, Dr. Glenn and Phyllis talk with Paul and Hannah McClure—musicians, parents, and certified Connection Codes coaches—about the journey of learning to process emotions instead of drowning in them. The McClures share openly about walking through miscarriage, facing parenting challenges, and breaking free from long seasons of disconnection. They describe how simple tools like the Core Emotion Wheel gave them language for their feelings, transformed their marriage, and reshaped the way they connect as a family. This episode is an invitation to slow down, honor what you feel, and discover how vulnerability can lead to lasting healing and deeper relationships.Chapters:
00:00:00 – Welcome to the Connection Codes Podcast
00:00:57 – Meet Paul & Hannah
00:01:34 – Story of meeting as teens and family background
00:02:41 – Discovery of the program in 2020 through webinars
00:03:15 – How the tools helped process miscarriage
00:04:44 – Reflection on “choose joy” culture and parenting impact
00:05:31 – Childhood experience of suppressing emotions
00:07:23 – Demonstration of the Core Emotion Wheel
00:09:27 – Feelings of anger, guilt, and loneliness in friendships
00:11:16 – Fear about an album release and hurt from a trip
00:13:00 – Key victories and struggles with the tools
00:14:23 – Resolving conflict in Hawaii by naming hurt
00:17:30 – How minutes of processing prevent days of disconnect
00:19:51 – Example of using the wheel during a cancer diagnosis
00:25:00 – Motivation for becoming coaches
00:27:18 – Coaching removed the pressure of having all the answers
00:30:04 – How unprocessed joy can lead to poor choices
00:32:04 – The wheel as a manual for navigating trauma
00:37:29 – Fear of drowning in emotions
00:40:10 – Seeing past anger to identify underlying hurt
Links and Resources:
Tera Wages sits down with Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill to unpack the heart behind launching the School of Connection. Together, they explore why disconnection is one of the most dangerous forces in marriages, families, and workplaces, and how community becomes the missing piece for lasting transformation. With real stories of parents using the Core Emotion Wheel, couples breaking the cycle of conflict, and individuals rediscovering hope, this conversation reveals a clear path from isolation to authentic connection. If you’ve ever longed for deeper relationships or wondered how to move from surviving to thriving, this episode offers practical tools and an inspiring vision for healing through connection
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For nearly two decades, Zephan and Sarah's marriage was in "survival mode". On the surface, everything seemed "fine," but underneath, a painful disconnect was growing—one partner felt "particularly lonely," while the other "had no idea". A pivotal moment during a podcast recording led to an emotional "dam break," forcing them to confront years of unspoken pain. In this episode, Zephan and Sarah share their powerful journey of moving beyond a "people pleaser" dynamic and ineffective relationship "rules". They discuss navigating the chaotic first six months—a period they call "Pandora's Box"—to build a foundation of true emotional safety and transform their communication, learning how to become a true "witness for your life".
Chapters:
00:00:00 - Welcome to the Connection Codes Podcast
00:03:16 - Meet Zephan & Sarah
00:04:12 - Why Connection Codes Was Different: How it became a "way of life," not just a quick fix.
00:05:13 - The First 10 Years: Reflecting on the intensity and "survival mode" of early marriage.
00:06:11 - The Turning Point: A failed podcast recording reveals one partner's hidden pain.
00:08:43 - Defining Connection: The pain caused by differing views on what connection looks like.
00:09:36 - The People-Pleaser Dynamic: How managing a partner's emotions prevents intimacy.
00:10:30 - The Problem with "Rules": Why rule-based methodologies for relationships often fail.
00:11:08 - The Core Principle of Safety: The commitment to "be safe for one another."
00:13:37 - The "Dam Break" of Loneliness: Finding the language to define loneliness within the marriage.
00:15:12 - Learning to "Ooh" a Partner's Pain: Validating a partner without taking on their pain as shame.
00:15:53 - Seeing "Micro-Resisting": Noticing the pattern of people resisting each other's emotions.
00:16:56 - The Journey of Oohing Yourself: Not resisting your own emotions as a path to self-discovery.
00:22:39 - Finding Your Voice: How a safe group environment helps in sharing difficult emotions.
00:23:58 - A New Way to Argue: Moving from "I'm not enough" to "I'm feeling lonely."
00:29:41 - The "Pandora's Box" Phase: The scary and difficult first six months of doing the work.
00:31:05 - How to Navigate Early Stages: Advice on staying curious to find connection at the bottom of the pain.
00:36:40 - The Vital Role of Community: How supportive friends were essential to their journey.
00:38:43 - A Partner as a "Witness": The profound purpose of a committed partnership.
Links and Resources:
Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill welcome their grandson, Asher Hill, to share his journey of learning and practicing the Connection Codes Core Emotion Wheel from a young age. That foundation became life-saving when, at just 14 years old, he was hit with the emotional weight of his mother’s cancer diagnosis. Now 16, Asher reflects on how this tool has carried him through high school pressures, football struggles, panic attacks, and family conflicts—and even how he uses it with his girlfriend to build a safe, honest relationship. His story proves that emotional intelligence isn’t just for adults—no one is too young to learn it—and that authentic communication and safe spaces for vulnerability can transform every relationship, from family to friendships to future partnerships.
Chapters:
(00:00:00) Introduction & Disclaimer(00:02:59) Meet Asher(00:05:14) Why Asher is on the Podcast(00:06:59) Early Memories of Connection Codes(00:08:06) Cousin Conflict(00:10:38) The "Three Sentences" Rule(00:12:56) The Core Emotion Wheel as a "Game Changer"(00:15:56) Learning as We Go(00:19:12) A Cousin-Led Resolution(00:21:44) Navigating a Mother's Illness(00:26:28) Emotional Suppression as a Coping Mechanism(00:27:32) Inhale, Exhale: The Flow of Emotions(00:29:07) The Gym Analogy for Emotions(00:30:44) The Weight of Unprocessed Feelings(00:36:11) Asher's Core Emotion Wheel(00:38:23) Using the Wheel in a Relationship
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In this heartfelt episode, we explore the transformative power of vulnerability in personal growth. Join us as Hannah Droll shares her journey of embracing vulnerability through Connection Codes, revealing how it reshaped her relationships and self-awareness. Discover the challenges and triumphs of staying present in moments of emotional intensity, and learn how vulnerability can lead to deeper connections and personal transformation. Tune in to uncover the profound impact of being open and authentic in your own life.
What if processing emotions could be simple, kind, and transformative? In this conversation, Dr. Glenn sits down with Jonathan Hernandez — psychology student, Certified Connection Codes Coach, and creative visionary bringing the Connection Codes to nearly a billion Spanish speakers. Speaking from his own dating relationship, Jonathan shares how processing emotions like fear, joy, and shame without judgment has deepened connection and reduced conflict — and how these same tools are transforming marriages around the world. Together, they explore why emotions “happen to us,” how resisting them keeps us stuck, and practical ways to experience emotional safety in real time. Whether you’re dating, married, or somewhere in between, this episode offers hope, humor, and actionable insight for anyone ready to strengthen their emotional health and relationships.
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After 30 days apart, Tera and Wes Wages reunite in this raw and reflective episode to walk through the Core Emotion Wheel—live and unscripted. They process everything from the guilt of missed connections to the joy of being truly seen, showing just how powerful emotional honesty can be. Along the way, they model how to use this tool in real-time, talk through what’s really driving their behavior, and explain how diving deeper into core emotions has helped them move from disconnection to intimacy. If you've ever felt stuck in surface-level conversations, this episode shows how to break through and build meaningful connection—one emotion at a time.
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Phyllis and Dr. Glenn Hill sit down with Elijah Runyan, Director of Certified Coaching for Connection Codes, to dive deep into the world of neurodivergence and emotional connection. Both Elijah and Dr. Glenn share personal stories of what it’s like to live with unique emotional wiring—where everyday experiences, like dishes left undone or mismatched hangers, can trigger intense pain experiences. Through candid reflections, they reveal how shame and loneliness can take hold when these experiences go unseen or misunderstood, and how learning to process pain instead of judging it opens the door to authentic connection. This episode highlights how the Connection Codes framework—centered on regard, curiosity, and emotional awareness—has transformed their relationships, helping them move from miscommunication to genuine closeness with their families and partners.
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Tera, Phyllis, and Dr. Glenn dive into the deeply human instinct to stay hidden—especially when emotions like shame, sadness, or anger begin to rise. Whether it's saying “I’m fine” when we’re not, or disconnecting to avoid discomfort, the episode unpacks how hiding becomes a form of emotional protection that ultimately costs us connection. Drawing from personal stories and the Connection Codes framework, the hosts reveal how early life messages taught us to suppress emotion rather than engage with it—and how staying hidden, even from ourselves, creates internal dissonance. Through honest reflection and practical tools, they guide listeners toward emotional safety and deeper intimacy by asking the core question: “What’s firing in me right now?” If you've ever shut down, avoided vulnerability, or longed to feel more seen in your relationships, this episode offers a compassionate and powerful path back to connection.
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In this powerful episode of the Connection Codes podcast, Tera and Phyllis sit down with trauma-informed coach Echo Hill Vetter to break open what happens when we let go of punishment and choose connection over consequence. Together, they unpack why punishing our kids “into good behavior” often fails — and how to replace control with curiosity, repair, and true partnership. Echo shares how dance and movement are medicine for kids’ big feelings and how parenting leadership really means supporting our kids from beneath, not controlling them from above. If you’ve ever wondered, “If I don’t punish, what do I do instead?” — this honest conversation shows the way forward.
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If you are in a happy, loving relationship where you feel safe but have moments that suddenly your partner feels like the enemy... Ooooo... you aren't alone. It is easy to feel like they are the ones in the "wrong." Today, we talk about reframing our thoughts and having deep conversations to experience new depth and peace in your relationship.
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When did motherhood start to mean sacrificing your whole self? In this honest episode, No Guilt Mom founder JoAnn Crohn joins Tera to unmask the hidden expectations that keep moms overwhelmed and stuck in cycles of guilt. JoAnn shares how a single permission slip — and a head of cabbage — helped her break free from the “selfless mom” myth, reclaim her identity, and build a thriving community where moms stop doing everything alone. If you’re ready to rewrite the good mom story and trade guilt for real connection, this episode is your sign to start now.
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In this powerful episode, coach Echo Hill Vetter invites us into the often-ignored conversation between our minds and our bodies. With deep vulnerability and insight, Echo shares her transformative journey of realizing that trauma isn’t always dramatic—it’s often stored in the quiet, unmet needs of the body. From the radical idea of going to the bathroom when you need to, to learning how to “feel your feelings” physically, she offers a compassionate, body-first approach to emotional healing. This episode challenges the cultural narrative of self-abandonment and gives listeners practical tools to rebuild trust with themselves—one sensation at a time.
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Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill welcome back Chris Cruz—Managing Director at Harbor + Union and Young Adult Pastor at Bethel Church—for a powerful conversation on leadership, action, and emotional clarity. With refreshing vulnerability, Chris shares how the phrase “clarity is found in motion” transformed his approach to decision-making, leadership, and connection. Listeners will hear how fear often paralyzes us into waiting, but motion—taking a first step—can lead to surprising clarity. Tying this into the Connection Codes framework, Chris explains how emotional insight comes not from planning but from engaging—especially in conversation. This is a must-listen for anyone navigating fear, change, or relational stuckness and looking for practical tools to move forward with authenticity.
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