In this vulnerable and empowering conversation, host Tera Wages sits down with Ally Bullock — licensed marriage and family therapist, Head of Relationships at Paired, and creator of Relationships with Ally. Together, they unpack the realities of sex and intimacy after parenting. From mismatched desire and the weight of invisible labor, to the science behind stress and sexual satisfaction, Ally shares practical strategies couples can use to reconnect. Listeners will hear real-life stories, expert insights, and powerful tools — like co-regulation rituals, responsive desire reframes, and scheduling intimacy — that can transform the way partners approach connection in the busiest seasons of life.
Chapters:
- 00:00:00 - Welcome to Fatherhood Field Notes Pocast
- 00:00:27 - Meet Aly Bullock
- 00:01:50 - 45% of parents report less intimacy
- 00:03:58 - Aly's Background: A marriage and family therapist with the Paired app
- 00:05:48 - Aly's Personal Story: Marriage, three kids, and "chaotic" life
- 00:07:28 - How does sex change after kids?
- 00:08:13 - Why Intimacy Decreases
- 00:09:00 - Feeling "touched out" after 10 years of pregnancy/nursing
- 00:10:17 - Desire Types: Spontaneous vs. responsive desire explained
- 00:12:55 - Use a shared note to "brain dump" the mental load
- 00:15:47 - Reframing Expectations: Embrace a new normal post-kids
- 00:17:45 - Why to Schedule Sex
- 00:19:06 - Study: A mother's stress predicts lower sexual satisfaction for both partners
- 00:20:00 - A New Approach: Schedule "intimacy time," not just sex
- 00:24:08 - A Moment of Empathy: Tera's husband experiences overstimulation
- 00:25:37 - Tip for Overstimulation: Co-regulation with back-to-back breathing
- 00:28:03 - Use AirPods with relaxing music during sex
- 00:28:53 - Study: Small, daily intimate acts boost satisfaction
- 00:30:18 - Identity Matters
- 00:31:21 - Tip on Identity: Separate your "parent" and "partner" roles
- 00:32:21 - Intimacy can get better with time
- 00:41:41 - Recap: A summary of the episode's key tips
- 00:42:13 - Resource: The Paired app's "Recharge Your Sex Life" course
- 00:42:57 - Where to find Aly
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