In honor of the release of her new book Safe, I sit down with licensed therapist and author of Anxiously Attached, Jessica Baum, for a powerful conversation about what it truly means to heal anxious attachment. We explore how safety shapes every aspect of our relationships, how old abandonment wounds resurface in adulthood, and why somatic awareness and co-regulation are at the heart of real transformation. Jessica brings both clinical expertise and deep compassion to this discussion, offering grounded insights and practical tools for anyone ready to move from anxious to secure attachment.
In the episode, we dive deep on:
What It Really Takes to Heal Anxious Attachment: why understanding your style isn’t enough without cultivating felt safety and nervous system regulation.
Safety as the Foundation of Secure Relationships: exploring how safety fluctuates moment to moment and how to recognize when you’re in protection vs. connection.
Healing Abandonment Wounds: unpacking the deep emotional imprints of abandonment and how they influence adult intimacy.
The Power of Co-Regulation: how safe, attuned relationships act as emotional anchors that retrain your nervous system.
Somatic Awareness and Emotional Processing: integrating body-based practices to recognize, release, and move through emotional triggers.
Compassion as a Healing Catalyst: learning to soften self-judgment and extend understanding toward both yourself and others.
Evolving Toward Secure Attachment: embracing healing as a lifelong, relational journey that thrives on emotional diversification and consistent support.
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
To connect with Jessica Baum, follow her @jessicabaumlmhc on Instagram and get the freebies Jessica mentions in the episode at https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/interview
Get your copy of Safe: An Attachment-Informed Guide to Building More Secure Relationships at https://amzn.to/4npO7RJ
Keywords: anxious attachment, anxious attachment style, healing, relationships, safety, co-regulation, abandonment wounds, somatics, compassion, emotional support, inner child
If setting boundaries makes you anxious, guilty, or afraid they’ll walk away—you’re exactly who this episode was made for.
In this powerful solo episode, I unpack the complicated relationship anxious attachers have with boundaries—and why setting them can feel so triggering. We explore the real reasons guilt shows up, the role of nervous system dysregulation, and why some boundaries feel more like walls (and what to do about it).
You’ll learn:
Plus, I share some of my favorite quotes about boundary-setting and walk you through how to identify where in your life a boundary might be overdue. Boundaries aren’t about control. They’re about connection—starting with the one you have with yourself.
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
Keywords: anxious attachment, boundaries, requests, guilt, nervous system, self-care, emotional well-being, communication, personal growth, relationship advice
In honor of Pride Month, I’m sitting down with therapist and author Tom Bruett to unpack how gay relationships differ from straight ones—and why so many of us in the LGBTQ+ community struggle with intimacy, identity, and emotional safety in dating. Whether you're queer or an ally, this conversation is packed with insights that go far beyond sexuality—because at the end of the day, we’re all trying to love and be loved in healthier, more secure ways.
We dive deep into the complex, often misunderstood dynamics that shape gay relationships, including:
If you’re a gay man, this episode will help you feel seen, supported, and hopefully a little more hopeful. And if you’re a straight listener—especially if you're in a relationship or doing personal growth work—I promise you’ll walk away with a better understanding of how identity, attachment, and emotional safety shape all relationships. So many of the struggles we discuss are universal—just experienced through a different lens.
Tom also shares tools and insights from his incredible book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men, and we talk about how to expand your dating mindset, build emotional resilience, and create space for joy—even if you’ve been burned before or doubt that real connection is possible.
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
To connect with Tom Bruett, follow him @queerrelationshipinstitute on Instagram visit his website at https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/
Keywords: Pride Month, queer relationships, LGBTQ+, mental health, internalized homophobia, dating challenges, second queer adolescence, differentiation, attachment styles, gay relationships, self-compassion, dating advice, emotional health, relationship dynamics, gay men
Is your relationship stuck in the anxious-avoidant "trap" or a cycle of pushing and pulling, ups and downs? In this powerful episode, I sit down with relationship writer Rikki Cloos (@anxiousheartsguide on Instagram and TikTok) to talk about why anxious-avoidant relationships feel so hard—and how to make the dynamic more secure. Here's what we discuss:
🔁 How Rikki broke up with her now-husband eight times early on in their relationship—and what finally helped them break the anxious-avoidant cycle
🧠 Why avoidant partners aren't “bad” or emotionally broken—and how anxious partners can unintentionally push them further away
🔍 The surprising ways anxious behavior can create avoidant responses in otherwise secure people
💬 How to stop blaming avoidant attachers and start reflecting on your own role in the anxious-avoidant dynamic
💖 What self-compassion actually looks like—and how changing your inner dialogue can transform every relationship in your life, by starting with the one you have with yourself
🔧 The art of healthy conflict resolution—why it’s essential for growth and how to make conflict feel connecting instead of catastrophic
📈 Why doing the work on yourself (even solo) can shift the entire energy of your relationships, whether platonic or romantic
🛠️ Practical tools, real-life scripts, and tangible phrases you can use in moments of conflict or disconnection
🌱 How secure relationships aren’t found—they’re built through emotional maturity, communication, and mutual effort
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
To connect with Rikki Cloos, visit her website at http://anxiousheartsguide.com/.
Keywords: anxious attachment, relationship dynamics, attachment theory, self-awareness, self-compassion, conflict resolution, healing relationships, secure attachment, personal growth, attachment styles, compassion, relationships, healing, communication, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, personal growth, vulnerability
In this week's episode of the Needy No More podcast, I dive deep into the final two steps of the cycle of anxious attachment, stress and addiction, answering the following questions:
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
Keywords: anxious attachment, healing, addiction, stress relief, love addiction, cortisol, emotional health, self-awareness, support system, mental health
In this episode of the Needy No More podcast, I interview my very first guest, Jessica Da Silva.
Jessica Da Silva is a Licensed Mental Health Therapist and Attachment Coach who empowers individuals to free themselves from attachment patterns that sabotage their relationships by teaching them actionable skills to relate to themselves and others more authentically and effectively. Not only does she talk the talk, but she also devotes her online platforms to sharing her personal journey in becoming securely attached and making these topics more relatable and encouraging. Jessica also hosts the Let's Talk Attachments Podcast.
In this conversation, Jessica and I discuss:
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
To get in touch with Jessica, visit her website at https://www.jessicadasilvacoaching.com/ and follow her on Instagram @thejessicadasilva and TikTok @jessicadasilvacoaching.
Keywords: anxious attachment, secure attachment, relationship coaching, emotional healing, attachment styles, mental health, self-compassion, personal growth, relationship dynamics, therapy
In this week's episode, we unpack everything pertaining to nervous system dysregulation, including:
What is nervous system dysregulation? How is it connected to being triggered?
What are the causes of nervous system dysregulation in the past and present?
How has nervous system dysregulation shown up in my own life?
How is nervous system dysregulation connected to anxious attachment?
What can I do to regulate my nervous system?
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
In this episode of the Needy No More podcast, I answer the top five most common questions I get from folks when it comes to the anxious attachment style:
Currently enmeshed and I can’t end it. I have self-abandoned and know it’s irrational. What do I do?
Can I heal and still be enmeshed?
I trust my partner but not his ex. How to deal?
Is it common for an anxious attacher to push their partner away when being pursued for sexual intimacy if needs are not met? If so what can be done to prevent/change this?
How do you heal after breaking up with an extremely avoidant partner? Feels like my all time high anxiety levels were hit.
Started a relationship after divorce with great communication, over a year into it and seeing so many avoidant tendencies with them. Is my anxious attachment contributing to this? I have done lots of work, now feels like I’m heading backwards fast.
What are some healthy ways to navigate the fear of abandonment without seeking external reassurance?
How can I tell the difference between a valid relationship concern and my attachment anxiety?
How do I balance being emotionally available while maintaining my own boundaries?
What strategies can help me break the habit of overthinking or assuming the worst?
How can I create more emotional security within myself so that I don’t rely so heavily on my partner’s responses?
How can I practice healthy detachment without feeling like I’m abandoning my partner or giving up on love?
How do I know if I’m engaging in protest behavior or simply standing up for myself?
How do I handle moments when I feel the urge to reach out for reassurance but know it’s coming from anxiety rather than genuine need?
How can I set realistic expectations for myself while I’m healing?
How do I stay present in my relationship without letting my fears dictate my actions?
How can I approach my partner’s avoidant tendencies without triggering my own anxiousness?
How do I balance patience with my partner’s healing journey while still honoring my own needs?
What are some signs that I’m making progress in my attachment?
What are some tips on how to heal the abandonment wound and how to manage when you feel such a horrible loss from relationships that don’t meet your needs?
How do you slow pace a relationship and at the same time feel comfortable moving slow?
How do you find peace with being alone?
How to heal the abandonment wounds so that if or when you get into a relationship with a fearful avoidant or dismissive avoidant, you don't freak out when they pull away? How to be secure in yourself and alone time. To not want or need them so badly ??
Is anxious - avoidant a really bad combo? I keep attracting and being attracted to emotionally unavailable people. How do you break this cycle? I would really love to know a way to set some boundaries for myself so I don’t get hurt this much again in the future.
When is a relationship over or bad enough to leave?
In the fourth episode of the Needy No More podcast, we unpack everything related to a fear of abandonment, including:
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
In the third episode of the Needy No More podcast, I cover the following:
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
In the second episode of the Needy No More podcast, I cover the following:
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
In this inaugural episode of the Needy No More podcast, I cover the following:
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment: