Is your relationship stuck in the anxious-avoidant "trap" or a cycle of pushing and pulling, ups and downs? In this powerful episode, I sit down with relationship writer Rikki Cloos (@anxiousheartsguide on Instagram and TikTok) to talk about why anxious-avoidant relationships feel so hard—and how to make the dynamic more secure. Here's what we discuss:
🔁 How Rikki broke up with her now-husband eight times early on in their relationship—and what finally helped them break the anxious-avoidant cycle
🧠 Why avoidant partners aren't “bad” or emotionally broken—and how anxious partners can unintentionally push them further away
🔍 The surprising ways anxious behavior can create avoidant responses in otherwise secure people
💬 How to stop blaming avoidant attachers and start reflecting on your own role in the anxious-avoidant dynamic
💖 What self-compassion actually looks like—and how changing your inner dialogue can transform every relationship in your life, by starting with the one you have with yourself
🔧 The art of healthy conflict resolution—why it’s essential for growth and how to make conflict feel connecting instead of catastrophic
📈 Why doing the work on yourself (even solo) can shift the entire energy of your relationships, whether platonic or romantic
🛠️ Practical tools, real-life scripts, and tangible phrases you can use in moments of conflict or disconnection
🌱 How secure relationships aren’t found—they’re built through emotional maturity, communication, and mutual effort
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
To connect with Rikki Cloos, visit her website at http://anxiousheartsguide.com/.
Keywords: anxious attachment, relationship dynamics, attachment theory, self-awareness, self-compassion, conflict resolution, healing relationships, secure attachment, personal growth, attachment styles, compassion, relationships, healing, communication, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, personal growth, vulnerability
In this week's episode of the Needy No More podcast, I dive deep into the final two steps of the cycle of anxious attachment, stress and addiction, answering the following questions:
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
Keywords: anxious attachment, healing, addiction, stress relief, love addiction, cortisol, emotional health, self-awareness, support system, mental health
In this episode of the Needy No More podcast, I interview my very first guest, Jessica Da Silva.
Jessica Da Silva is a Licensed Mental Health Therapist and Attachment Coach who empowers individuals to free themselves from attachment patterns that sabotage their relationships by teaching them actionable skills to relate to themselves and others more authentically and effectively. Not only does she talk the talk, but she also devotes her online platforms to sharing her personal journey in becoming securely attached and making these topics more relatable and encouraging. Jessica also hosts the Let's Talk Attachments Podcast.
In this conversation, Jessica and I discuss:
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
To get in touch with Jessica, visit her website at https://www.jessicadasilvacoaching.com/ and follow her on Instagram @thejessicadasilva and TikTok @jessicadasilvacoaching.
Keywords: anxious attachment, secure attachment, relationship coaching, emotional healing, attachment styles, mental health, self-compassion, personal growth, relationship dynamics, therapy
In this week's episode, we unpack everything pertaining to nervous system dysregulation, including:
What is nervous system dysregulation? How is it connected to being triggered?
What are the causes of nervous system dysregulation in the past and present?
How has nervous system dysregulation shown up in my own life?
How is nervous system dysregulation connected to anxious attachment?
What can I do to regulate my nervous system?
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
In this episode of the Needy No More podcast, I answer the top five most common questions I get from folks when it comes to the anxious attachment style:
Currently enmeshed and I can’t end it. I have self-abandoned and know it’s irrational. What do I do?
Can I heal and still be enmeshed?
I trust my partner but not his ex. How to deal?
Is it common for an anxious attacher to push their partner away when being pursued for sexual intimacy if needs are not met? If so what can be done to prevent/change this?
How do you heal after breaking up with an extremely avoidant partner? Feels like my all time high anxiety levels were hit.
Started a relationship after divorce with great communication, over a year into it and seeing so many avoidant tendencies with them. Is my anxious attachment contributing to this? I have done lots of work, now feels like I’m heading backwards fast.
What are some healthy ways to navigate the fear of abandonment without seeking external reassurance?
How can I tell the difference between a valid relationship concern and my attachment anxiety?
How do I balance being emotionally available while maintaining my own boundaries?
What strategies can help me break the habit of overthinking or assuming the worst?
How can I create more emotional security within myself so that I don’t rely so heavily on my partner’s responses?
How can I practice healthy detachment without feeling like I’m abandoning my partner or giving up on love?
How do I know if I’m engaging in protest behavior or simply standing up for myself?
How do I handle moments when I feel the urge to reach out for reassurance but know it’s coming from anxiety rather than genuine need?
How can I set realistic expectations for myself while I’m healing?
How do I stay present in my relationship without letting my fears dictate my actions?
How can I approach my partner’s avoidant tendencies without triggering my own anxiousness?
How do I balance patience with my partner’s healing journey while still honoring my own needs?
What are some signs that I’m making progress in my attachment?
What are some tips on how to heal the abandonment wound and how to manage when you feel such a horrible loss from relationships that don’t meet your needs?
How do you slow pace a relationship and at the same time feel comfortable moving slow?
How do you find peace with being alone?
How to heal the abandonment wounds so that if or when you get into a relationship with a fearful avoidant or dismissive avoidant, you don't freak out when they pull away? How to be secure in yourself and alone time. To not want or need them so badly ??
Is anxious - avoidant a really bad combo? I keep attracting and being attracted to emotionally unavailable people. How do you break this cycle? I would really love to know a way to set some boundaries for myself so I don’t get hurt this much again in the future.
When is a relationship over or bad enough to leave?
In the fourth episode of the Needy No More podcast, we unpack everything related to a fear of abandonment, including:
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
In the third episode of the Needy No More podcast, I cover the following:
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
In the second episode of the Needy No More podcast, I cover the following:
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
In this inaugural episode of the Needy No More podcast, I cover the following:
Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:
