During a trip to Switzerland, Stephanie had a night of no sleep and spent the next day battling panic attacks. Her sleep soon recovered, but that experience planted a seed of fear — a fear of going through another day like that if sleep didn't show up.

Months later, when a medical diagnosis and abrupt medication changes disrupted her sleep, that old fear returned — stronger, louder, and harder to ignore. She threw everything at the problem: strict sleep hygiene, medications, rigid rules, new routines. But the harder she fought for sleep, the more relentless the struggle became. Some nights she found herself outside at 3am, wrapped in a blanket, scrolling for answers — exhausted, anxious, and desperate for relief.

The turning point didn’t come from a new trick or another pill. It came when she stopped fighting. When she stopped treating wakefulness as a threat and gave herself permission to feel what was already there — the fear, the frustration, the anxiety — without trying to push it away.

In this episode, Stephanie shares how letting go of the fight helped her start showing up for her life again. She talks about responding to difficult nights with more presence, more compassion, and more trust in her ability to cope — and how she rebuilt her life one night, one breath, one value-based action at a time.

Stephanie’s story is a powerful reminder that recovering from insomnia isn’t about winning the fight. It’s about realizing there was never a fight to win in the first place.

Laura never expected insomnia to arrive during one of the happiest times in her life.
She had just gotten engaged. She was heading out on vacation. But one sleepless night quietly snowballed into many — and nights quickly became something she feared.

She tried everything: supplements, routines, medication, strict sleep hygiene. But nothing seemed to work. The harder she tried to fix sleep, the more distant it became. And eventually, she realized the struggle wasn’t just with sleep — it was with her thoughts and feelings about sleep.

She found herself caught in a loop: trying to control, reason with, avoid, or edit every uncomfortable thought. Every wave of fear or frustration. And it was exhausting.

The real shift came when she began to relate to insomnia differently — not as a problem to defeat, but as an experience to meet with less resistance. She practiced making space for the thoughts and feelings that showed up, and bringing her attention back to actions that helped her live the life she wanted to live.

It wasn’t a straight path. There were setbacks. Relapses. Hard nights that tested her resolve. But each time, there was something to learn. Because while change is hard — not changing can be even harder.

And Laura kept going. With persistence. With compassion. With honesty. With courage.

Today, she still has the occasional tough night — like all of us do. But those nights have lost all the power and influence they once had over her. She knows how to move forward, independently of sleep, and no matter what thoughts and feelings might be present.

This is Laura’s story.

Rebecca never struggled with sleep — until she began working 24-hour shifts as a hospital-based midwife.

She cared deeply about her patients, and she made a quiet promise to herself: nothing would go wrong on her watch. That meant staying awake through every shift. Over time, that vigilance seeped into her nights at home. Sleep became something she chased — and then something she feared.

Rebecca tried everything: medication, strict CBT-I programs, endless data tracking, a long list of rules. And still, sleep didn’t come. She followed every instruction, but nothing seemed to work — and somewhere along the way, she started to believe that something was wrong with her. That she wasn't doing something right.

What changed wasn’t a new pill or a stricter plan. It was her relationship with sleep — and with herself.

She began practicing a different approach. She gave herself permission to rest without sleep. To play golf. To laugh with friends. To live with uncertainty and discomfort instead of fighting them. She made room for the thoughts and feelings that once overwhelmed her — and realized they didn’t have to control her life.

Sleep didn’t return overnight. But as her days became fuller and her nights gentler, it began to come back — naturally, and with far less struggle.

Today, Rebecca still has shorter nights from time to time, as all human beings do. And they no longer define her or limit her. Because she knows: she can still live fully and move forward — no matter what the night brings.

Rupsa never had issues with sleep until a big change in her professional life led her to move to a new city. As sleep became difficult, she experienced a lot of anxiety. Her heart would race. She started to develop a fear of going to bed at night. She'd spend four or five hours awake in bed, hoping to fall asleep.

Working with a psychologist provided Rupsa with some clarity and her sleep got slightly better for a couple of months. However, when she started a new job, insomnia returned with a vengeance. The more she tried to make sleep happen, the more difficult and exhausting it became.

Everything was going well in Rupsa's life apart from sleep. It felt as though her mind was working against her. The more she tried to silence her mind, the louder and more distracting it became. The more she tried to make sleep happen the more of a struggle it became.

Things started to change when Rupsa realized that trying to fight or avoid uncomfortable or difficult thoughts and feelings was consuming her energy and attention and pulling her away from the life she wanted to live. So, she started trying to be more open to whatever showed up.

As she did this, she found her thoughts and feelings often contained important information. Reminders of what mattered to her. With this, she discovered that her mind was never working against her. It was actually working for her.

Rupsa stopped trying to control sleep. She practiced bringing her focus and attention back to the present whenever it drifted away. She was kinder to herself. She became more accepting of whatever her mind might do and whatever each night might bring. With this, a burden was lifted — and, with going practice, things started to get better.

Rupsa now sleeps well and, when the occasional night of less sleep shows up, it no longer has any power or influence over her.

Tim’s insomnia began during a stressful time in his life. At first, it was just a few bad nights but the more he worried about it, the worse it got. The harder he tried to fix his sleep, the more he struggled.

Things started to change when Tim learned a new way to deal with insomnia. He realized that trying to control sleep was actually keeping him stuck. So, instead of resisting wakefulness, he began to give it permission to exist.

As he stopped following strict sleep rules and gave himself more freedom, Tim learned that being awake at night wasn’t the real problem — it was his response to the fear of not sleeping that made things harder.

Over time, as Tim let go of the struggle, sleep showed up all by itself, without him needing to go to war with insomnia night after night. And, when he stopped chasing after sleep and focused on living his life independently of sleep, insomnia lost the stranglehold it once had over his life.

Although Sophie never considered herself to be a good sleeper, things got really difficult after the birth of her son. As a new mom, she knew there would be some short-term sleep disruption — but when she was no longer able to compensate for lost sleep after her parents left and her partner returned to work, things got really difficult.

Sophie's doctor prescribed her medication and she found herself increasing the dosage to make sleep happen but it wasn't working for her. Benadryl didn't work. Turning off all screens two hours before bedtime didn't work. Wearing blue light blocking glasses didn't work. Having a relaxation routine didn't work.

At this point, Sophie felt desperate. She wanted to have a bigger family but thought that would be impossible if her sleep didn't improve. She was no longer sharing a bed with her partner even though that was something that was important to her. She felt like a failure. She felt trapped. When she found the Insomnia Coach podcast, Sophie realized that she wasn't alone and that there was a way out of the struggle.

She started implementing a sleep window and she used the time she spent awake at night to do meaningful projects such as creating a baby photo book, rather than tossing and turning and battling away trying to make sleep happen. Things improved for a few months until insomnia returned and seemed to take over her life.

At this point, Sophie decided to work with me. She wanted a clear plan. A new way forward. She wanted to arm herself with skills that would help her get her life back from insomnia.

Sophie shifted the focus of her attention away from trying to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen and toward actions that reflected her values and that kept her moving toward the life she wanted to live, independently of sleep.

As she did this, she realized just how capable she was. She could get stuff done — stuff that mattered to her — regardless of how she slept. This left her feeling empowered and reduced the power and influence sleep had over her life. She no longer put as much pressure on herself to make sleep happen. This, in turn, helped sleep become increasingly effortless.

The difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with insomnia also started to lose their power and influence as Sophie became more aware of the power she had in choosing how to respond to them.

Sophie experienced ups and downs on her journey. And yet, she remained committed to the new way forward she had chosen for herself.

Sleep no longer predetermines how she will feel the next day or what she will do the next day. She knows she always has options and is always in control of the choices she makes. She's back to sharing a bed with her partner. She is ready to grow her family. She is free from the insomnia struggle.

In 2019 Danny was going through a stressful period in his life while also being on a big health and fitness kick. When his sleep started to become a problem, Danny became very concerned and his doctor offered medication.

When Danny started to make some lifestyle changes to reduce stress, reduce the intensity of his training, and ensure he was eating sufficiently, his sleep started to improve. Danny felt relief, believing that he'd found the cure — that sleep needed a certain amount of exercise or a certain type of diet to happen.

As time went on, Danny found himself increasingly focused on protecting his sleep through diet and exercise. This, in turn, created a lot of sleep-related anxiety — and when really difficult nights returned in 2022, Danny realized that diet and exercise weren't the guardians of his sleep after all. Looking for answers, Danny spent his days troubleshooting and trying to figure out a way forward.

Danny discovered that the key to getting his sleep back on track was to reduce the power and influence sleep had over his life. For sleep to be effortless, he needed to move away from putting effort into making a certain amount or type of sleep happen.

In this episode, Danny describes the approach he took. It involved committing to actions that mattered to him each day (no matter how small), independently of sleep. It involved identifying and eliminating sleep-related rules and rituals. It involved ensuring his actions served him rather than insomnia. It involved acknowledging all the difficult thoughts and feelings that came with insomnia and being kinder to himself when things were difficult rather than trying to fight or avoid them and being harder on himself.

This process wasn't easy. It took commitment, resilience, and effort. It requires ongoing practice. Today, Danny's sleep is back on track. And, when the occasional difficult night shows up, it no longer has any power or influence over him or the life he wants to live.

When Esther tried moving away from a medication she was taking for generalized anxiety disorder, she found herself struggling with sleep. She would often wake with a jolt and experience panic and anxiety. Even when new medications helped with other issues, sleep continued to be a challenge and created a lot of ongoing anxiety.

Esther did a lot to try to get her sleep back on track. She tried going to bed earlier. She tried CBD oil. She tried supplements. She tried to tire herself out through exercise. None of those things got her closer to where she wanted to be. Esther was determined to get to the root of the problem, which seemed to be all the difficult thoughts and feelings associated with insomnia.

On her way to work one day, Esther came across the Insomnia Coach podcast and listening to the stories of people who had overcome their struggle with insomnia motivated her to start working with me.

In this episode, Esther reflects on the changes she made that proved to be most helpful for her. They included going to bed later at night, doing something more pleasant whenever she found herself struggling during the night, continuing to do things that mattered to her even after difficult nights, and acknowledging her thoughts and feelings and refocusing on the present moment (rather than focusing on trying to fight or avoid difficult thoughts and feelings).

Esther also shares some of the key educational insights that helped her reduce the amount of pressure she was putting on herself to make sleep happen. Her superpowers of self-awareness and self-reflection also revealed that the difficult thoughts and feelings she had been trying so hard to fight or avoid often came with the same physical sensations associated with more pleasant thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

As she committed to a new approach, Esther realized she had new options available to her when it came to responding to insomnia. Options that wouldn't create more struggle, consume more energy, put more focus on sleep, and keep her trapped in the vicious cycle of more trying and more difficulty.

Esther became less fearful about the possibility of insomnia showing up. She became more comfortable in its presence.

Insomnia lost the power and influence it once had over her.

Irina's struggle with insomnia began when she experienced a night of no sleep. This created fear and confusion and Irina worried that something serious was going on — that something might be broken in her brain. The more she tried to make sleep happen, the more pressure she put on herself to make sleep happen, the more elusive it became.

Irina tried medication but that left her feeling unrefreshed and didn't deal with the hyperarousal and increasing levels of anxiety she was experiencing. Turning to cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I), Irina found sleep restriction helpful in the short-term because it helped her rediscover the reassuring sensation of sleepiness rather than fatigue and exhaustion.

Unfortunately, the CBT-I technique of stimulus control which involves leaving the bed when awake at night backfired because she was someone who loved spending time in bed — so getting up felt like a punishment and something that raised the stakes at night. She ended up putting more pressure on herself to make sleep happen and that, in turn, made things more difficult.

The turning point came when Irina committed to an approach that didn't involve actions geared toward trying to make sleep happen. Although she was originally outraged at the idea of accepting the presence of insomnia and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that come with it, the fact that so many people who had recovered from insomnia were telling her it was the only thing that worked for them led her to commit to this new approach.

Acceptance was not easy but ongoing practice helped Irina build skill in experiencing insomnia with less struggle. She became less attached to the idea that she needed to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen. She became more comfortable experiencing difficult thoughts and feelings. The focus of her attention expanded and, as that happened, the power and influence of sleep and insomnia shrunk.

Irina let go. She allowed the full range of human thoughts and feelings to come and go as they chose. She gave sleep the opportunity to take care of itself while she took care of doing things that helped her live the life she wanted to live. And, that's exactly what happened.

Neseret's experience with insomnia began when she tried tapering off an antidepressant she had been taking for 13 years. Every time she tried to get off the medication she found herself unable to sleep.

Although a move from shift work to regular daytime hours and being more active during the day helped to improve Neseret's energy levels, she still couldn't make the final leap to being medication free because she was petrified of going without sleep.

Finding Insomnia Coach and the stories shared on the podcast gave Neseret a newfound confidence that she could taper off the medication. She had hope.

Neseret began a supervised medical taper while practicing new skills and habits that helped her move away from struggling with sleep and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with insomnia.

She stopped putting pressure on herself to generate a certain amount of sleep. Whenever she found herself struggling during the night, she would engage in another activity so she had an alternative to struggle. She stopped trying to control sleep.

Neseret's journey was not easy. There were ups and downs. There were setbacks. And yet, today, she is off the medication and sleep is no longer a problem or an obstacle to her ability to live the life she wants to live.

Neseret's experience with insomnia began when she tried tapering off an antidepressant she had been taking for 13 years. Every time she tried to get off the medication she found herself unable to sleep.

Although a move from shift work to regular daytime hours and being more active during the day helped to improve Neseret's energy levels, she still couldn't make the final leap to being medication free because she was petrified of going without sleep.

Finding Insomnia Coach and the stories shared on the podcast gave Neseret a newfound confidence that she could taper off the medication. She had hope.

Neseret began a supervised medical taper while practicing new skills and habits that helped her move away from struggling with sleep and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with insomnia.

She stopped putting pressure on herself to generate a certain amount of sleep. Whenever she found herself struggling during the night, she would engage in another activity so she had an alternative to struggle. She stopped trying to control sleep.

Neseret's journey was not easy. There were ups and downs. There were setbacks. And yet, today, she is off the medication and sleep is no longer a problem or an obstacle to her ability to live the life she wants to live.

When Bryan got sick he experienced an entire night of no sleep for the first time in his life. He didn't sleep the next night, either. When his sleep didn't get back on track, Bryan started to believe that he had lost the ability to sleep and that belief generated a lot of anxiety.

As sleep consumed more and more of his energy and attention, Bryan started to withdraw from life. His relationships suffered as sleep became the center of his universe.

Bryan found that the more he tried to make sleep happen, the more difficult sleep became, the more anxiety he experienced, the more likely he was to engage in actions that didn't reflect who he was or who he wanted to be, and the more difficult everything became.

And yet, as a driven problem-solver, he continued to try.

Things began to change for Bryan when he accidentally fell asleep. When he fell asleep even though he didn't do anything to make sleep happen. There was no trying. No effort. No rules. No rituals. No medication. No supplements.

Bryan realized that he hadn't lost the ability to sleep after all — and that he didn't need to do anything to make sleep happen.

This insight didn't get rid of Bryan's struggles overnight but it prompted him to change his approach.

He started acting in ways that served him and the life he wanted to live, rather than sleep. When difficult nights showed up, he would remind himself of the better nights (and how they required no effort or intervention). Then, he would refocus his attention on what he could control by doing things that mattered to him — actions that kept him moving toward the life he wanted to live, independently of sleep.

With this approach, sleep started to lose the power and influence it once had over his life. In Bryan's own words, as he started getting his life back to normal, his sleep started getting back to normal, too.

Emily's insomnia struggle began around four months after the birth of her baby. Even though her daughter was sleeping well, Emily was finding it really difficult to fall asleep. She started to get nervous and anxious as her level of exhaustion intensified.

When the medication prescribed by her doctor didn't work, Emily started to get really concerned. She started researching solutions but found that the more she tried to fix her sleep, the more difficult it became and the more stressful things got.

Emily's anxiety intensified to the point where the arrival of bedtime would lead to a racing heart and a sense of panic. It felt like her body was preparing for a marathon while she wanted to get a good night of sleep so she could be the mother she wanted to be for her daughter.

Emily's transformation began when she changed her approach to sleep and her response to insomnia.

She reduced the amount of time she allotted for sleep to more closely match the amount of sleep she was getting on an average night. She started to do something more pleasant whenever she found herself struggling with being awake at night.

She stopped calculating the amount of sleep she was getting each night and she began to look at sleep with less judgement and more neutrality.

Instead of trying to fight or avoid her racing heart and the anxiety, she surrendered to them — she acknowledged their presence and allowed them to exist.

And, she committed to doing things that mattered, even after difficult nights and even when she felt exhausted.

Emily surrendered to whatever might happen each night — and this freed her from the pressure she was putting on herself to generate a certain amount or type of sleep and allowed her to move away from the struggle that came from trying to control her thoughts and feelings.

Today, Emily goes to bed sometime around 11 at night and wakes naturally around seven in the morning. Sleep is no longer a concern or a focus. Her focus now is on living the life she wants to live.

Kirstin began using medication every now and then to help her sleep on Sunday nights. When she faced a big personal challenge that made sleep more difficult, she started to use it more often. The plan was to take a small dose to get her through that difficult period and then stop the medication because she didn't want to be reliant on something to help her fall asleep.

Unfortunately Kirstin found that when she tried to stop taking the medication, sleep didn't happen. She went without sleep for three or four days straight before reaching for the medication in a desperate attempt to make sleep happen. Kirstin developed the belief that she couldn't sleep without medication and this created a lot of panic, distress, and confusion.

Kirstin became obsessed with sleep. All she could think about was insomnia. Her days were filled with researching sleep remedies and experimenting with sleep-related rules and rituals. Nothing worked.

Kirstin tried to stop herself from thinking about insomnia. That didn't work either. As nighttime approached she would get extremely nervous, scared, and upset. People tried to be supportive but nobody understood what she was going through.

Things changed when Kirstin came across the Insomnia Coach podcast and realized that she wasn't alone. As she listened to the stories of others, insomnia started to feel less mysterious.

At this point, Kirstin started to reclaim her life from insomnia. She made and followed through on daytime plans, regardless of how she slept. She prepared for difficult nights in advance so she had alternatives to struggling and battling all night long. She abandoned all her sleep efforts, rules, and rituals. She allowed all the difficult thoughts and feelings she was experiencing to exist — she acknowledged them and allowed them to come and go as they pleased. She practiced being kinder to herself.

Kirstin's journey was not easy. She experienced ups and downs. When things felt difficult she made the conscious effort to focus on actions that would keep her moving toward the life she wanted to live and the relationship with sleep she wanted to have.

Kirstin is also applying many of the skills she gained from her experience with insomnia to other parts of her life. And, she is sleeping without medication.

When Summer experienced consecutive nights of insomnia, sleep started to consume her life. She started taking time off work and she began endlessly researching sleep. Summer felt that if she could get rid of anxiety and stress things would improve — but this led to even more of a struggle as Summer went to war with her mind.

Sleep became an obsession. It was all she could think about. Summer felt as though she was losing control. She felt helpless. She started to blame herself. It was becoming increasingly difficult for her to live the life she wanted to live.

The more Summer tried to fix her sleep, the more she seemed to struggle. Sleep-related rules and rituals didn't work. Changing her diet didn't work. Changing the temperature in her room didn't work. Trying to eliminate blue light didn't work.

Ultimately, what worked for Summer was not trying. She realized that she couldn't control sleep. And, by no longer trying to make sleep happen, she started to struggle less with sleep and she had more energy to live the life she wanted to live.

Summer also started to be kinder to herself. She stopped trying to fight or avoid the thoughts her mind would generate as it did its job of looking out for her. She acknowledged her thoughts and feelings and allowed them to come and go. She expanded the focus of her attention. She spent more time with friends. She lived by her values.

Summer stopped trying to control sleep and she stopped trying to control her thoughts and feelings. As a result, sleep no longer controls Summer's life. Thoughts and feelings no longer control Summer's life. Summer controls her own life.

Nina typically dealt with occasional periods of sleep disruption by taking some form of over-the-counter medication. When she fell pregnant this was no longer an option. Work stress seemed to make sleep more difficult and so Nina stopped taking on work. Her sleep would improve but every time she started working again, she struggled with sleep all over again.

At this point, Nina thought her ongoing struggle with sleep might be down to pregnancy hormones and yet, after giving birth, her sleep seemed to get even worse. Nina tried to make sleep happen by consuming alcohol, taking supplements, and meditating. She tried hypnosis. Her doctor prescribed her medication but the side-effects were awful. Nothing worked and Nina felt stuck, she felt scared, and she didn't know what to do.

Then, Nina found the Insomnia Coach podcast. She realized she wasn't alone. That there was hope. When we started working together, Nina started to make changes. She started to do things that mattered each day, even after difficult nights and even when that felt really difficult. Instead of struggling with being awake during the night, she planned and engaged in activities that would help make being awake feel a bit more productive or a bit more pleasant.

Nina gave herself permission to be awake. She was kinder to herself when things felt difficult. She stopped trying to get a certain amount or type of sleep. She focused on actions that would help her get her life back from insomnia rather than continuing to battle with insomnia.

Nina's journey was not easy. There were setbacks. She went back to sleeping pills from time to time. Today, Nina is back at work. She enjoys her bed again. She is being the mother she wants to be. She has her life back from insomnia.

Kreuza shares her journey through the challenging landscape of insomnia and somniphobia, a fear of sleep. Initially, she found Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) techniques helpful. However, when sleep problems returned as somniphobia, the same techniques faltered. Feeling isolated in her struggle, Kreuza realized that implementing rules around sleep were not helping her.

A turning point came when she embraced a more flexible, compassionate approach to sleep. She began to practice accepting her thoughts and feelings without resistance. She practiced being kind to herself when things felt really difficult. And she engaged in activities that mattered to her, even after difficult nights.

Kreuza’s story is a testament to the possibility and power of patient and kind practice of acceptance as a way to deal with deep-seated fears. It also highlights that moving past sleep struggles is often a journey of ongoing action and practice — and setbacks — rather than quick fixes.

Rachel's struggle with insomnia started in grad school. She tried everything from sleep aids to strict bedtime rules and routines to improve her sleep, but nothing worked. The harder she tried to fix her sleep and get rid of sleep-related anxiety, the more difficult things became.

The turning point came when Rachel changed her approach. She stopped focusing on trying to create the perfect conditions for sleep and she stopped trying to control her thoughts and feelings.

She started being kinder to herself. She practiced making space for difficult thoughts and feelings and she practiced building skill in bringing herself back to the present moment and being more aware of the present whenever her mind started to time travel.

Rachel's story is a powerful example of how changing our approach to sleep and our response to insomnia can lead not only to significant improvements in our sleep, but also our overall quality of life.

Click here for a full transcript of this episode.

Transcript

Martin: Welcome to the Insomnia Coach Podcast. My name is Martin Reed. I believe that by changing how we respond to insomnia and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that come with it, we can move away from struggling with insomnia and toward living the life we want to live.

Martin: The content of this podcast is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. The statements and opinions expressed by guests are their own and are not necessarily endorsed by Insomnia Coach LLC. All content is provided "as is" and without warranties, either express or implied.

Martin: Okay. Rachel, thank you so much for taking the time to come onto the podcast.

Rachel: Yeah. Thank you so much for having me, Martin.

Martin: It's great to have you on. Let's just start right at the beginning without any further ado. Um, can you tell us a little bit about when your sleep problems first began and if there are any clues as to what may have caused those initial issues with sleep.

Rachel: Yeah, um, well, my first like where my mind first goes is. To my back to my first year of grad school, um, where like, at least one night a week, I felt it felt like I wasn't sleeping at all. Um, and I would get really anxious about sleep, but I think that that was partly like being in grad school and feeling stressed about grad school.

Rachel: Um, and also, like, I had a shift shift. That ended late and so like the process of of unwinding and then having to be at work early the next day. Um, and the feeling would be anxiety about sleeping like, yes, there were things in my life that were stressing me out, but I think it was like the anxiety would be I'm anxious that I won't be able to sleep.

Rachel: Um, and that that was well, that was long before. Before I reached out to you. But that, I think, is like the, I'm sure the sleep difficulties go back further than that, but that was like the first moment I can sort of remember.

Martin: Yeah, and roughly how long ago was that when you, uh, that kind of grad school period of your life?

Rachel: That was almost ten years ago.

Martin: And so what was your sleep like at that time? You mentioned there was a lot of anxiety about, is sleep going to happen? What's sleep going to be like? What's that going to mean if I have difficult nights or all those kind of thoughts? I think lots of people listening to this are going to id...

Jessica's struggle with insomnia began on a family trip, and it worsened each time she traveled until it stuck around, even at home. No matter what she tried, her nights were filled with anxiety and struggle.

Jessica found that her resistance to insomnia and the difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with it were making things even more difficult. So, she changed her approach. She practiced accepting insomnia and anxiety. She learned to be kinder to herself.

With ongoing practice, Jessica freed herself from an ongoing struggle and reclaimed her life from insomnia.

Listen to the podcast episode (audio only)


Eric's insomnia journey began after he woke in the middle of the night and experienced a huge panic attack. From then on, sleep became very difficult.

As he tried to fix things, Eric stopped watching TV in bed with his wife — something they both enjoyed. He tried napping, even though he never used to nap in the past. He tried sleeping on the couch. He tried sleeping in a chair. He tried blue-light-blocking glasses. He stopped traveling. He isolated himself as he became convinced that his struggles were reflected in his appearance. He would beat himself up every time he had a difficult night.

Eric's transformation began when he shifted his focus away from trying to control his sleep, his thoughts, and his feelings and redirected his efforts toward his actions.

He started to do more of the things that mattered — even after difficult nights and even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings. He started to accept the presence of anxiety as a necessary ingredient for a rich and meaningful life. Eric found that the more he did this, the less power and influence sleep and anxiety seemed to have over his life.

Eric was never into meditating but he started to practice meditation — not in an attempt to make sleep happen or to control his thoughts and feelings — but to practice and develop skill in making space for his thoughts rather than trying to fight or avoid them. He also gave himself permission to do something else during the night when he was awake, rather than tossing and turning.

Today, sleep doesn't consume Eric's attention. His focus now is on controlling his actions and doing things that matter rather than trying to control his sleep and what he might be thinking or feeling. As a result, insomnia no longer holds Eric back. By practicing a new approach, Eric got his life back from insomnia.

Click here for a full transcript of this episode.

Transcript

Martin Reed:
Welcome to the Insomnia Coach Podcast. My name is Martin Reed. I believe that by changing how we respond to insomnia and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that come with it, we can move away from struggling with insomnia and toward living the life we want to live.

Martin Reed:
The content of this podcast is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. The statements and opinions expressed by guests are their own and are not necessarily endorsed by Insomnia Coach LLC. All content is provided "as is" and without warranties, either express or implied.

Martin Reed:
Okay, Eric, thank you for taking the time out of your day to come on to the podcast.

Eric Flanders:
Absolutely. Glad to be here with you.

Martin Reed:
Let's start right at the beginning. If you could just tell us a little bit about when your issues with sleep first began and what you think may have caused those initial issues with sleep.

Eric Flanders:
Yeah, that's a great question about what caused them because I think if I would have known that it would have helped out a lot, but I really struggled with that answer as to why. I know a couple of years ago. I had a couple of instances over the course of a year where I just was struggling.

Eric Flanders:
Like I would go two or three days and just not sleeping much at all. And it didn't really bother me too much at the time.