This meditation is for the days when your body feels miles away and your brain’s buffering wheel just keeps spinning. When you’re not “fine,” but you can’t fall apart either.
In The Slow Return, Sarai guides you through a nervous-system-safe experience for thawing freeze mode — the moment when your body hits pause because the world’s been too fucking much.
It’s slow. Gentle. Real.
You’ll move through breath, micro-movements, sensory grounding, and a mirror moment that helps you finally meet the part of you that’s been waiting to feel seen.
There’s no pushing, no performance, no pressure to “rise.”
This is about remembering the version of you that stayed — even when everything else shut down.
Listen when:
You’ll leave with:
A body that feels a little less frozen.
A breath that feels like it actually belongs to you.
And a reminder that healing isn’t a race — it’s a slow return.
If you’ve been feeling like a human iPhone stuck on 1%, welcome to the freeze response — the least sexy survival state in the nervous-system lineup.
This episode breaks down what’s actually happening when your body taps out:
We go full nerd on the dorsal vagal system, the HPA axis, and the neurochemistry that makes you feel like a ghost in your own skin.
Then we move — slowly, gently — through six science-backed somatic resets to help you thaw without forcing anything:
eye-tracking, micro-movements, temperature contrast, humming, and soft pressure techniques that whisper safety back into your body.
No toxic positivity. No “just get up and move.”
Just real neuroscience, explained in human language, with zero shame and a few well-placed F-bombs.
By the end, you’ll understand why freeze happens, how to tell when you’re in it, and what to actually do when your nervous system goes full opossum mode.
You’ll walk away with tools to reconnect to your body — one millimeter, one hum, one breath at a time.
Listen if:
If you’ve been staring at your wall, forgetting what day it is, or moving slower than a dial-up modem in hell—welcome to freeze mode.
This episode isn’t about “snapping out of it.” It’s about calling out your nervous system’s bullshit with love, laughter, and a few strategic F-bombs. We’ll breathe (the lazy way), swear (the effective way), and roast the entire concept of hustle culture until your body remembers how to exist again.
Expect chaotic affirmations, zero toxic positivity, and one sacred mantra: “Fuck it. I’m breathing.”
Listen if:
Featuring:
This isn’t a calm, whispery meditation for people who have their shit together.
This is for the overthinkers, the anxious gremlins, and the “I might spontaneously combust if one more person emails me ‘per my last message’” crowd.
In this episode, we’re not transcending—we’re surviving. You’ll breathe & face your anxiety Gremlin. No sage. No sit-still-and-smile. Just a feral, hilarious, full-body permission slip to stop pretending you’re fine.
You’ll meet your anxiety gremlin (mine’s named Brenda), tell them to sit the hell down, and breathe until your body remembers that being alive doesn’t have to feel like an Olympic sport.
By the end, you won’t just be “calm.” You’ll be clear. You’ll be human. You’ll be breathing — and that’s enough.
Listen if:
• Your brain won’t shut the fuck up.
• You’re tired of “just meditate” advice from people who’ve never had a panic attack.
• You want to laugh your way out of a spiral instead of dissociating through it.
If anxiety had a sporting event, you’d be a decorated athlete.
Heart pounding? Gold medal.
Jaw clenched? Silver.
Overthinking a text from 3 days ago? Hell yeah, podium finish.
This episode isn’t about calming down — it’s about getting that chaotic energy out of your body before you spontaneously combust. We’re ditching the mindfulness apps and doing six full-body nervous system resets that actually work.
You’ll shake like a confused gazelle, growl like a rabid Wookiee, and sigh so hard your neighbors might call for a wellness check. Every weird-ass movement has a scientific reason (and zero shame attached).
By the end, you’ll feel human again — not perfect, not zen, but grounded enough to remember that regulation doesn’t mean calm; it means coming home to your body, one ridiculous breath at a time.
My Brain Is a Flight Risk: affirmations that don’t suck ass balls
If your brain’s been auditioning for Doomsday: The Musical, congratulations — you have anxiety.
This episode is for the overthinkers, the catastrophizers, and the “what-if-everything-explodes” crowd. We’re not pretending to be calm; we’re learning to breathe through the chaos with sarcasm and a nervous laugh.
We’ll talk about why anxiety is basically your brain’s overprotective stage mom, and I’ll walk you through affirmations that don’t sound like pastel Pinterest lies. The kind that make you snort-laugh and actually regulate your nervous system.
By the end, your jaw will be looser, your shoulders lower, and your brain might stop yelling for five damn minutes.
No promises, but hey — that’s progress.
This meditation isn’t about letting go — it’s about learning to live with what stays.
Grief doesn’t disappear when you ignore it. It weaves itself into who you are, reshaping you quietly, changing your rhythm.
In this guided meditation, you’ll be invited to stop trying to fix what was never broken — to breathe, to hold the weight you’ve been carrying, and to walk with it instead of fighting it.
You’ll meet your grief as something sacred, not shameful. You’ll learn to carry it without letting it crush you.
If you’ve been trying to “get over it,” this episode will help you remember:
You don’t heal from love — you integrate it.
And grief is love, staying.
Perfect for nights when the ache feels endless, mornings that start too heavy, or any moment when you just need someone to say: you can keep walking with this, and still be whole.
Grief doesn’t just live in your heart — it hides in your shoulders, your gut, your jaw, and every muscle that’s been holding it together for too long.
This Spit. Scream. Surrender. session isn’t about talking your way through pain — it’s about moving through it.
We’ll shake, pound, scream, fold, and breathe — full-body, primal, and raw — to let grief do what it was designed to do: move.
No pretty poses. No forced calm. Just you, your breath, your body, and the release that comes when you stop trying to keep it together.
Perfect for the moments when you can’t cry, can’t focus, and can’t explain why you feel like your skin doesn’t fit anymore.
This one’s for the grief nobody sees. The kind that doesn’t get casseroles, condolences, or a hashtag. I hold space for the heartbreak of both the personal and the collective — from watching the world fracture and ache, to grieving someone who’s still here, to mourning the versions of ourselves that quietly die along the way.
Through gentle 4-6 breathwork and grounding affirmations, I invite you to stop fixing and start witnessing. You’ll learn to honor endings without apology, to make space for invisible sorrow, and to remember that grief is just love staying behind for a while.
This isn’t about moving on. It’s about breathing through.
This isn’t about banishing anxiety — it’s about giving it a chair without letting it redecorate your whole damn house.
In this 10-minute guided meditation, we breathe (4-7-8), welcome every messy emotion, and drop into Rumi’s timeless poem The Guest House as a reminder that every feeling is a visitor, not a life sentence.
You’ll leave grounded, steady, and anchored in the truth: you are not the guest — you are the house. And the house always stands.
Nervous System Resets for Anxiety
Anxiety isn’t just in your head — it’s a full-body hostile takeover.
In this episode, we go full nerd and full feral. I break down what’s actually happening in your brain and body when anxiety hijacks you: limbic system alarms, HPA axis cortisol surges, vagus nerve chill resets — explained in plain language.
Then I hand you six science-backed nervous system resets you can actually use in the middle of a spiral.
Think:
Each reset comes with the science, the step-by-step, and a translation you’ll actually remember at 2 a.m.
By the end, you’ll have a fridge-worthy list of anxiety resets that pull you back from time-traveling brain bullshit and drop you into the only place you actually have power: right the fuck here.
Affirmations That Don’t Suck Ass Balls: Anxiety Edition
This episode gives you two things:
By the end, you’ll walk away with a set of science-backed affirmations you can repeat, write on a Post-it, or scream into your steering wheel the next time your brain tries to time-travel you into chaos.
This isn’t your average soft-and-sparkly meditation.
This is for the moments when you don’t trust yourself, when you’re second-guessing every damn decision, and when you’re convinced everyone else has it figured out but you.
In this guided meditation, we’ll use 4–6 breath and 4–7–8 breath to calm your nervous system, then drop into a visualization of the compass that lives in your chest. You’ll steady the needle, ask it the questions that matter, and anchor trust back into your body.
By the end, you’ll remember: your body already knows the way. Every breath is a rep. Every rep builds self-trust.
I used to think I couldn’t trust myself — so much that I paid $10K a month to a coach to make every decision for me. What I didn’t realize was that self-trust isn’t a mindset issue, it’s a nervous system issue.
In this episode, I share how being a 2/4 Generator with emotional authority in Human Design and understanding the vagus nerve as your second brain helped me stop outsourcing my power. Then I’ll walk you through six science-backed resets you can use anytime you’re spiraling:
These are the nervous system reps that build trust in your own gut, your own rhythm, your own life.
No more second-guessing, no outsourcing — just you proving to yourself that you can handle it.
(For more info on Human design, check out https://humandesignblueprint.com/
This episode is all about building self-trust and giving you affirmations that don’t suck ass balls.
I used to believe I couldn’t trust myself to make a single decision — so much so that I paid ten grand a month to a shady “expert” who convinced me I was helpless.
Spoiler: she was wrong. This episode is your crash course in building self-trust when your brain is screaming you’re screwing it all up — with affirmations that don’t suck ass balls.
15 MIN Guided Meditation
We all have that inner asshole — the voice that trash talks us, tells us nothing we do is enough, and drags us through bullshit stories we’d never say to anyone else.
In this guided meditation, we’re not shutting that part down or pretending the inner asshole is not there. We’re meeting them. We’re asking what they're trying to protect us from, what they need to feel safe, and how we can finally stop letting them run the show.
When your inner asshole is on a rampage, no amount of “positive thinking” is gonna save you.
Self-worth doesn’t live in your head — it lives in your body.
This episode gives you quick, weird, nervous-system-friendly practices to shift the way you feel in real time: self-hugs, shoulder rubs, grounding breathwork, and one ridiculous roar that shakes the shame right out of your jaw.
You’ve been trash-talking yourself for years — calling yourself names you wouldn’t even say to your worst enemy.
I know, because I did it too. One day I called myself a “stupid fucking cunt” out loud in front of a client. She cried. T
hat moment CHANGED MY LIFE and showed me just how vicious my inner self-talk had become.
This episode isn’t fluffy affirmations you don’t believe. It’s gritty, nervous-system-approved ways to shift how you talk to yourself.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re failing, behind, or just generally being roasted alive by your own brain, this one’s for you.
This one’s for the days when your brain won’t shut the fuck up about how you’re behind, failing, or the world’s biggest screw-up.
We’ll ground, gather all that comparison bullshit into a ball, spin it fast, and launch it into the cosmos where it can’t touch you.
Then we’ll call in what you actually need—compassion, safety, power—and anchor it into your body until it radiates through every inch of you.
Bottom line: comparison is a liar. Your body is the truth. And the truth is, you’re not behind—you’re right where you need to be.
Ever spiral so hard you’re sure everyone hates you and you’re failing at life?
Yeah. Been there.
Last week my nervous system flipped the “everything is fucked” switch, and logic wasn’t gonna save me.
This episode is all about nervous system resets you can use when your brain won’t shut the fuck up:
💥 Big takeaway: Comparison is a liar. Your nervous system can trick you into thinking you’re behind, unloved, and failing — but your body always tells the truth. And the truth is: you’re not behind. You’re exactly where you need to be.