The opposite of love is something OTHER THAN HATE. And when Lori stopped crying? That's when Jay finally got scared.

In this raw 26-minute conversation, Lori ask Jay 12 Questions about what really went through his mind when he saw her crying over his betrayal. His answers reveal the uncomfortable truth about damaged empathy, hardened hearts, and why Lori’s silence terrified him MORE than her tears ever did.

They also cover what EMOTINAL MATURITY is… and isn’t.

What you'll discover:
• What Jay felt in his body the first time he saw Lori cry (fear, and …)
• When her crying stopped affecting him the same way (damaged empathy)
• Did her tears make him want to just get better at HIDING? (the honest answer)
• The story he told himself to pretend her pain didn't exist
• The moment she stopped crying and why THAT finally scared him
• Did he feel bad for her… or for how it made him look?

For Partners: If he’s seen your pain through your tears and still nothing changed, this video explains why. Plus, Jay reveals what finally broke through his hardened heart.

For Addicts: This conversation shows the difference between feeling bad about messing up vs. feeling bad for the person you hurt. It also challenges you to see your wife's tears as a sign of pain instead of a sign of your worth?

Plus: The accounting vs. math analogy that helped Jay understand what Lori needed (and WHY IT DIDN'T LAST).

NOTE: We're trying a new editing style, going from natural but long to choppier and shorter. (Tell us which you prefer!)

CHAPTERS
00:00 Intro (new editing = choppier.)
01:23 What did you feel when I cried?
06:51 EMOTIONAL MATURITY EQUALS…
08:42 Did you feel bad for me (vs your image)?
11:12 What did you FEEL IN YOUR BODY in the breakthrough moment?
12:20 When did my crying STOP affecting you the same way?
14:58 Did you feel ANNOYED when I cried?
15:33 Did my tears ever make you feel powerful?
18:24 Did you only cry over own feelings… or for me?
19:16 What story did you tell yourself to pretend my pain didn't exist?
20:16 Did watching me cry make you want to get better at HIDING?
21:15 Did you ever feel bad about NOT feeling bad?
22:37 What was hardest: the emotion or consequences?
24:12 Did it SCARE YOU MORE when I stopped crying (indifference)
25:49 Questions for viewers & Sneak Peek

--

To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
Guys to Schedule a Free Call with Jay - https://porniskillingme.com/schedule-a-free-intro-call/
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

--
Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

HONEST QUESTION: Did you ever think 'SHE'LL NEVER LEAVE ME, so I can keep doing this'?

Most partners wonder if their addict secretly believed they could get away with it forever. In this brutally honest conversation, Jay answers questions that keeps betrayed spouses up at night, including: DID YOU THINK I WAS TOO WEAK TO LEAVE?

His answer might surprise you.

What you'll discover:
• Why Jay believed 'people leave' but kept lying anyway (the twisted logic of addiction)
• The moment I stopped being the 'good Christian girl' and what finally changed
• Did he see my staying as weakness or strength? (you need to hear this)
• How addicts put 'stock in their ability to lie' and why that delusion keeps them trapped
• The difference between desperate plate-spinning vs. mastermind manipulation (who we work with)
• When it finally hit him that I wasn't going to tolerate this forever (it wasn't what I expected)


FOR PARTNERS: If you've ever wondered whether your loyalty is being used as a weapon against you, this conversation validates everything you're feeling. Jay reveals what was really going through his mind when I stayed, when I threatened to leave, and when I finally meant it.


FOR ADDICTS: If you're thinking 'just one more time' or 'she'll never find out,' you need to hear why that thinking is borrowed time, not clever strategy.


PLUS: What I did every time we had a bad conversation (separating boxes, DIY divorce books, and the grief that always followed).


COMMENT BELOW: Do you ever feel like YOUR LOYALTY OR KINDNESS is used against you?


TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Intro: Did you think I'd never leave?
00:34 Did you think she'll never leave me, so I can keep doing this?
01:42 Did you think you'd never face real consequences?
03:29 Did you ever test my limits?
04:14 Did it ever sink in that I might actually leave? (Lori's experience)
06:13 What I did with MY ANGER (separating boxes & DIY divorce)
07:16 Did you realize my staying wasn't the same as healing?
08:22 Did you misinterpret my silence as a GREEN LIGHT?
10:09 Did you mentally calculate how much I'd put up with?
11:24 Was your ABILITY TO LIE A SOURCE OF PRIDE?
12:34 Did you see me as WEAK FOR STAYING? (his answer surprised me)*
15:04 The type of men we work with
15:40 How many times did you think 'she'll never find out'?
17:22 The moment I stopped being the 'good Christian girl'
17:28 QUESTION FOR VIEWERS: Is your loyalty used as a weapon?

--

To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
Guys to Schedule a Free Call with Jay - https://porniskillingme.com/schedule-a-free-intro-call/
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

--

Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#narcissisticabuse
#gaslighting
#toxicrelationships
#marriagehealing
#trustissues
#emotionalabuse
#christianmarriage
#deception
#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

When addicts first get caught, most expect their partner to just move on: “I'm sorry! I quit! let's never talk about this again!” But here's the brutal truth: that mindset destroys any chance of real healing.

In this raw conversation, Jay reveals what he expected Lori to just get over shortly after D-Day, and why that expectation was completely backwards. We break down:
• WHY ADDICTS RESIST talking about it
• The SILENT TACTICS keep partners trapped
• What "PROACTIVITY" actually means in recovery
• Why betrayal trauma is like still being IN COMBAT
• ONE THING that would have SPED UP our healing (both partners need to hear this)
• Why this is NOT BIBLICAL or healthy

For addicts: If you're frustrated, she's not "over it yet," this will show you what you're actually asking her to carry. (Hint: Trust isn't something you automatically deserve.)

For partners: If anyone has told you to just forgive and move on, this validates why that advice is toxic. You're not being stubborn. You're in trauma. And he needs to understand what that really means.

This is about what real repair looks like versus just getting back to ‘status quo.’ Because maintaining peace through silence isn't peace at all.

Timestamps
00:00 Hook
00:39 Intro
01:42 How quickly did that mindset kick in for you?
04:00 Why does she keep talking about it?
06:52 Did you pressure me even silently to move on faster (or maybe not so silently)?
09:55 I didn't want to work hard.
10:45 What surprised you most about how long healing really takes?
11:35 What is the "lived out" definition of what you need?
13:58 How did learning about betrayal trauma change your expectation?
15:50 What did you need to unlearn about healing timelines to really show up for me?
18:01 What advice would you give to men who are frustrated that their wives aren't "over it" yet?
19:23 For our listeners: Did anyone tell you to "Just get over it?"
20:17 If you could go back to the beginning, what's one thing you would tell me about the pace of healing?
21:52 What Lori wished had happened.
23:36 Your silence may be costing you your peace.
24:58 Behind the Scenes
--
We mentioned The Basics of Rebuilding Trust, buy it here: https://jayandloripyatt.gumroad.com/l/LzMJm

To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
Guys to Schedule a Free Call with Jay - https://porniskillingme.com/schedule-a-free-intro-call/
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

--
Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

Jay explains many deception tactics he used to hide his addiction. From robotic denials to fake confusion, playing dumb to calculated outbursts, this video exposes the manipulation patterns that betrayed partners recognize but often can't prove. It also covers:

-Specific moments Lori caught him using these tactics
-Addicts’ delusions and brain fog
-Calculated timing of confessions
-Partial truths

If you're a betrayed partner questioning your sanity or an addict wondering how long your tactics will work, this conversation will open your eyes. The lies addicts think are CLEVER are actually TRANSPARENT—and prolonging deception only makes healing harder for everyone.

Timestamps
00:00 Intro
02:10 What tactics did you use to lie and cover up your porn use?
03:07 Minimizing is lying
04:27 Becoming re-sensitized
06:14 Ever play dumb or fake confusion to avoid getting caught?
07:05 USED THE TRUTH to make your lies more believable?
08:33 Addicts test the waters by dripping the information out
10:41 Ever knowingly PLAYED UPON MY SYMPATHIES?
12:46 Phrases or emotion did you fake to throw me off?
13:51 Robotic lines
14:32 Using anger to hide
15:53 Ever not think too hard?
17:01 The DELUSIONAL Brain Fog*
17:57 Ever used my trauma fog or MY KINDNESS against me?
18:33 Waited me out, hoping I would forget?
20:40 What tactics did we forget? Let us know in the comments.

--

To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction - https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

--
Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice
#betrayedwife

In this compelling episode, we tackle the challenging subject of emotional
avoidance and addiction recovery. Jay opens up about his struggles with
feelings of abandonment, insecurity, and boredom, which led him to turn to
porn. We discuss the importance of facing these emotions head-on, rather
than fleeing from them, as well as HEALTHIER coping mechanisms and the
significance of accepting, rather than resisting, life's emotional
challenges. We start with testimonials from listeners that underscore the
impact of Jay's vulnerability and transparency in helping betrayed spouses
on their recovery journeys.

Highlights of this episode:
- The shocking fear a 6'0" ex-military man couldn't face (this will surprise you)
- Why boredom is actually dangerous and how it triggers relapse cycles
- The difference between wanting to numb emotions vs. learning to feel them (game-changer)
- How to tell if you're using 'recovery' to avoid real healing (most people miss this)
- The #1 sign you might be addicted (hint: it's about 5-second interactions)
- Practical coping techniques that actually work long-term (not just band-aids)

TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Intro and Listener Feedback
04:05 Why BOREDOM is an issue for addicts
05:28 Dealing with PAST TRAUMAS
06:43 What truths were you refusing to face?
07:22 A fear Jay had not dealt with
09:20 Any truths about yourself you were afraid to face?
09:41 What did those fears feel like in your body?
11:23 Which of the feelings were THE MOST UNBEARABLE?
11:41 Did running away work?
14:16 Did you think NUMBNESS WAS A STRENGTH?
15:40 When did you first start using coping techniques to deal with those
emotions?
16:31 SOLUTION: TO build RESILIENCE, ask "What bad really happens?"
18:18 What could you 'not handle'? (Expectations v. Acceptance)
22:38 3 biggest emotions you now face?
26:11 How to create LONG-TERM DOPAMINE
28:02 Behind the scenes
--

To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction - https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

--
Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

Jay opens up about the internal voice telling him to confess his porn addiction - and why he actively chose to ignore it for years. We explore:
• The pattern of CALCULATED DELAY
• What that "voice of truth" actually sounds like
• The PERSONAL COSTS of ignoring God's promptings
• The split-second decision between truth and silence
• How SILENCE IS NEVER NEUTRAL
• When lying feels holy
If you're struggling with porn addiction, betrayal trauma, or wondering whether to come clean about your secrets, this conversation offers hope and practical insight into this crucial part of the recovery process.

Timestamps
00:00 Intro
00:28 Did you ever feel like you should tell the truth?
01:39 Jay describes the VOICE OF TRUTH (hearing God)
04:36 Earlier opportunities to avoid D-Day
06:29 What did you do when the voice showed up?
08:06 On feeling unlovable
10:05 When the wife ACCEPTS THE ADDICTION
12:55 Misunderstanding about ATTRACTIVE WOMEN
15:44 HOW GOD SEES US (3 ways)
18:35 Did you think silence would keep you lovable?
21:50 Personal COSTS of ignored nudges
24:31 Silence is never neutral
28:16 Was there a question I SHOULD HAVE ASKED to make you confess?
30:28 Was there any part of this that felt holy or virtuous? (spiritual costs)

--

To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction - https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

--
Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

In this raw conversation, we expose why the lies addicts tell and the beliefs they hide behind increase betrayal trauma. Jay opens up about the shocking justifications for his deceit and the internal struggles he faced while battling addiction. We cover two ways to COMBAT THE DELUSION of 'protecting' a partner from the truth. Lori asks about the deep-seated beliefs that shaped his actions, and stay until the end in for an eye-opening conversation on spiritual values, as well as a behind the scenes (kind of funny) moment.

Timestamps
00:00 Intro and Question
02:01 I don't want to get better
04:42 It became acceptable
05:17 “The beliefs that justified my lies”
09:02 Beliefs about LIFE/RELATIONSHIPS that helped him justify lying*
13:41 One more belief from his past
14:42 Solution: What is the history of the addict in your life?
16:55 "Maybe I SHOULD QUIT the thing I'm lying about?"*
18:35 Delusion and Pollyanna
20:36 Did Jay ever think the lying would cause more damage than porn.
23:58 What was the most shocking lie Jay justified?
24:53 Did SPIRITUAL/MORAL VALUES ever compete with his justifications?*
26:37 Jay’s thinking now?
27:41 The PROBLEM WITH CONFESSING all at once*
28:55 WORSE than porn
31:21 Feedback
32:06 BTS Moment involving a Bow and Arrow

--

To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction - https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

--
Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#BetrayalTrauma
#HealingTrust
#PornAddiction
#MarriageAdvice
#Confession

After 15 years of addiction, lies, and hiding, Jay finally found BROKENNESS. Not in a loud, dramatic crash, but in a quiet, rock-bottom moment where he just couldn’t keep lying about it... not to his wife, and not to himself.

In this video, we unpack THE MOMENT everything shifted, the darkest time in our marriage. We also cover the exact truths that went through Jay's mind at that moment, what finally broke the cycle, and what actions keep him sober to this day.

If you're stuck in addiction or trying to rebuild trust after betrayal, this conversation gets real. We name what actually changes things—not just for addicts, but for the wives of men who are ready to get serious.

This was the moment that made truth livable.

This was the day everything began to change.

TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Intro and Question
00:43 The day Jay found BROKENNESS/hit ROCK BOTTOM
02:54 Jay's darkest moment (This really FRUSTRATES Lori)
05:33 What Jay told himself when he hit Rock Bottom
06:19 What made all the difference
08:13 Solution: If you can't leave
11:52 Addicted thinking vs Sober thinking
13:56 How Jay stays sober 15 years later*
16:08 "Those made all the difference" *
16:58 One big thing
17:57 What FREEDOM actually feels like now*
19:44 How Jay feels about himself now
21:18 How Jay has changed (from Loris POV)

--

To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction - https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

--
Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice
#rockbottom
#truth
#healing
#soberlife
#addiction
#marriagehelp
#liedtoher
#pornrecovery
#breakthestigma

What does real intimacy feel like after betrayal, addiction, and years of rebuilding trust? In this episode, we open up about how Jay’s ability to connect has changed over time — from fake vulnerability and performance to HONEST EMOTIONS and simple, humble presence.
Jay shares how he used to seek physical intimacy to avoid emotions, and how healing has redefined what closeness feels like. We talk about the risks of being emotionally naked, the power of GIVING SACRIFICIALLY, and how intimacy now lives in the small moments we missed before.

Topics we explore in this episode:
– The quickest path to intimacy (hint: it's not sex)
– What vulnerability really means
– Giving to give vs. giving to get
– Why 50/50 doesn’t fully heal relationships
– Untangling emotional from physical intimacy
– Presence: the real secret to connection
If you’ve ever wondered what intimacy can look like after real healing — not just surviving but connecting deeply — this one is for you.
 
00:00 Intro and question
00:44 How Jay saw intimacy THEN vs NOW
03:38 But it's not this...
04:06 What intimacy looks like after healing the relationship
05:35 The QUICKEST way to intimacy
07:49 Giving to give vs. GIVING TO GET
09:02 Should it be 50/50?
09:55 Did Jay ‘fake it’ at church?
13:08 Qualities of vulnerability
14:53 Now intimacy 'is just there'
17:50 The main thing: Presence

Leave a comment and let us know what touched you most.
Subscribe for more episodes on healing from porn addiction and betrayal trauma.


--

To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction - https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

--
Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

#intimacyafterbetrayal
#emotionalintimacy
#rebuildingtrust
#vulnerabilityheals
#relationshiphealing

‘I thought intimacy was just sex—until I started recovering from porn addiction.’ In this video, Jay shares how ONE POWERFUL TOOL helped him heal our relationship, create real intimacy, and start feeling connected in a way he ‘didn’t think was possible’ when healing from his porn addiction. We also bring up a caution or two, providing guidance on how to implement this tool depending on where you are in your own healing journey.
Whether you're early in your journey or years into recovery, this tool might help you bridge the distance, reconnect with your spouse, and build a deeper relationship.
What we’ll cover:
• How porn addiction can affect intimacy
• How real intimacy is built during relationship healing
• THE TOOL that helped us shift everything

➤ Subscribe for more honest conversations around addiction, recovery, and emotional healing.
➤ Leave a comment: What has intimacy looked like for you in recovery?


00:00 Intro and Question
00:19 Jay’s Answer
00:30 Introducing the tool
04:21 F: Feeling
04:38 A: Acknowledge
04:58 N: Need
05:48 O: Ownership
06:29 S: Sober
06:56 Hook
07:53 Hint for addicts trying to rebuilt trust
08:40 Hook
09:25 IMPORTANT: If it's early in the process of rebuilting trust
11:41 A Warning
13:03 A way to date early on (before Phase 3)

--

To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction - https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

--
Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice
#PornAddictionRecovery
#IntimacyAfterPorn
#RewiringTheBrain
#MenAndIntimacy
#SobrietyJourney

In this episode of the Couple Cure Podcast, we dive into the complexities of intimacy (OUTSIDE the bedroom) when Jay was in active addiction, the challenges of seeking validation, and the impact of hidden lives on self-worth. Through personal stories, we discuss the hardships faced due to perceived inadequacies, and how addiction can distort the perception of love and intimacy. We also set the stage for further exploration of what true intimacy means as they heal together in future episodes.


00:00 Intro and Question
01:24 For Jay intimacy looked like (The Problem)
02:15 What Jay was seeking
02:50 How Lori was already giving it
05:01 The REAL reason "Lori didn't affirm me!"
06:09 Why Jay could not believe Lori's words
10:55 Some MESSED UP THINKING
17:19 Another "Intimacy" Jay was addicted to

--

To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction - https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

--
Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

Jay confesses something he’s never told anyone before: One way he lied to keep his addiction hidden. (Hint: it’s one thing some addicts do to keep their secrets.) He’s also asked if he thinks that tactic would have passed a polygraph. We also share a few techniques that might help in this situation. And stay until the end to see us in a real-life moment.


Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:31 What is one lying technique Jay used that he’s never told anyone about?
2:15 Would he have passed a lie detector test?
2:50 Some other addicts do this too (the difference between openness and honesty)
4:48 Solution: A way to (possibly) know if he’s lying this way*
5:39 Solution: One way to get to the truth*
7:13 Solution for addicts: A way to rebuild trust (BUT…)
10:40 When Jay would use this lying technique
13:34 Business trips used to scare Lori, and two things that changed that sinking feeling
14:50 The lighter side of us (BTS)

--

To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction - https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

--
Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

In this episode, I ask Jay if he will answer some difficult question this season—questions like:
--What are some tactics he used to get away with lying for so long?
--How did he pretend to change--without really changing?
--Was there a time he almost told the truth, but continued lying instead?
--What emotions was he avoiding?
--How did he feel when his accountability partners let him off the hook?
--What is one thing he wants betrayed women to know?
--Could he tell his heart was hardening?

But the big question is: Will he reveal his secrets? (You can even leave your own questions in the comments if you’d like.)

Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
01:24 Some hard questions for Jay
04:40 Will Jay share his secrets this season?
05:43 Your comments / questions
06:51 This season may be different (behind the scenes)
07:24 A request & recent happenings

--

To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction - https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

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Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice
#tellingthetruth

In this, our last episode of Season 5, we address six ways to help you find out if you’ve been given the full truth / signs he might still be lying. We also cover what pressure can do to some addicts.
(A big THANK YOU to everyone who submitted questions for this season. Thank you, especially, for allowing us to be a small part of your healing journey.)

Timestamps:
0:00 Intro and Viewer Question
1:05 It depends on what you’re looking for
2:21 General & ACTIVE self-deception
3:32 First: Ask for details/specifics
4:07 Second: Addicts, get curious about your own thoughts and actions
4:52 Third: Did he circle back
5:11 Forth: On staying concrete
6:49 Forth: LDTs (with some cautions and side notes)
9:26 An overall caution: this makes some addicts neurotic
10:21 Opening the door for more later ("I now know enough...")
11:44 Five: Ask what he suggests
13:39 Solution: If she can't trust you 100 percent*
14:15 Six: Things Jay learned that really helped
15:30 Something special before next season

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https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

In this episode of The Couple Cure, Jay tackles the question: 'How serious do I need to be about my recovery?' Using his own history and insights, he discusses the inevitable challenges and pushbacks you will face when you commit to a change, especially in the context of addiction or betrayal recovery. He emphasizes the importance of STARTING IMMEDIATELY, and understanding that obstacles will always be present. He also highlights the crucial role of certain life adjustments to stay on the path to recovery. Tune in to gain practical advice and encouragement for your own recovery journey.

00:00 Introduction & Question
00:06 Life always asks, "How serious are you?” (the first week of my diet)
01:22 The best time to quit is ALWAYS… and why
02:14 Solutions: Examples of being serious about it (for the betrayed spouse) *
03:55 The family life status quo (& other hurdles)
05:48 What needs to change?
06:29 More harm to your relationship / Expect hurdles
07:36 So how serious do you really need to be?
09:15 Solution: How to help her heal (a HUGE part of your recovery) *
10:26 If I am truly serious & final thoughts

--


https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

Summary: Rebuilding Trust through Tangible Evidence of Change after Lies

In this episode, we respond to a wife’s question about the importance of seeing tangible evidence in her husband's growth process. We discuss the importance of PROACTIVE steps in behavior change, and share our own personal story after Jay had lied over 1000 times. The episode explores various ways to rebuild trust, like taking notes during counseling sessions and talking about that with the wife. It also includes several Biblical perspectives on the importance of bearing fruit as evidence of genuine repentance and change.

00:00 Intro & Question
00:35 Solution: A quick way to explain it to him*
01:07 How Jay explains it to clients / Solution: Different ways he rebuilt trust*
02:14 Marriage Counselor said, "If you had a crystal ball"
02:46 Evidence of true heart change (Saul to Paul)
03:25 On being like Thomas Edison
04:38 She will tell you... over time / Jay was too smart for his own good
05:34 Take Notes / How not doing so can impact wives
07:39 Solution: What to look for*
09:47 Why Counselors won't share his progress (& one option)
11:48 Bible says it's okay to want evidence (examples)

--


https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

In this episode, recorded on New Year's Eve, we discuss the importance of having a solid plan to ensure your new year is better than the last. We delve into specific steps for making effective New Year's resolutions and highlight the significance of focus and new behaviors in achieving different outcomes. The episode offers guidance for addicts and their partners on formulating plans that go beyond mere intentions, and include practical action steps for accountability and sustained change.

Timestamps
00:21 New Year, New You? (not without a different plan)
01:28 For the addict (look yourself in the eye)
02:01 Try a different January
02:49 Ask yourself these questions
03:31 If the answer is “No”
04:51 A FIRST STEP (a DIFFERENT starting point)*
05:23 The Critical SECOND STEP*
07:45 For the partner
08:10 The THIRD STEP
08:36 The FORTH STEP (Solution: times and tribes)*
10:25 Multi-plans
11:11 Solution: The CSI Investigation
13:23 Solution: Arrange to pay your enemy
14:20 If you still don’t reach your goals

--


https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

In this episode, we explore how addicts truly change by focusing on the impact of experiencing true pain and loss. Divided into two parts—one for non-Christians and the other for Christians—we discuss the significance of giving up power, inspired by scripture, to become truly healed and dependent on God. With references to personal anecdotes, men’s magazines, 12-step programs, and the idea of renouncing 'boss' culture, the script emphasizes humility, acceptance of weakness, and the power of community support in the journey of recovery. The transformation journey includes practical examples and scripture, highlighting the importance of growth and moving beyond survival mechanisms to achieve true healing and integration into healthy, supportive communities.


00:00 Intro
00:43 The first way addicts change
01:21 Something else that can help
01:36 Majestic splendor
03:11 The power-over dynamic (helpless? dependent?)
04:34 What it might look like
04:59 Be the boss?
06:24 Solution regarding addictive thinking (what it looks like in practical terms)
07:47 Why the power-over dynamic might come up
08:55 Outgrowing it
09:46 Objections (but who is stronger?)
11:22 Solution: You’re on land now (returning from the war)

--


https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

***Trigger Warning for Alcoholics in Recovery***
In this episode, Jay addresses a common question addicts may have, along the lines of, “Will I have to pay for this forever?” He answers with the truth: After trust is broken by betrayal, it depends on how well the addict owns his part in her pain… and tries to aid in her recovery.

0:00 Introduction
0:21 Other forms of this question and initial answer
0:46 She doesn’t limp (a real life example)
2:00 Jay’s words to wives
3:01 Solutions for addicts* (Note: we don’t condone hitting)
4:56 Add something to your program (the quickest way)*
6:14 Another word picture (The ICU)
7:19 Things she might say to you (any indication you’re not safe)
8:46 Why birthdays and anniversaries may be hard for her
9:40 Can she forget this? Can she move forward?

--


https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice
#marriagerecovery

In this episode, we address a difficult question from a viewer about a lack of physical touch in her marriage, even while undergoing chemotherapy. We delve into the possible reasons behind her husband's behavior, including possible emotional retaliation or unresolved trauma. There is also compassionate advice on how to explore personal needs and desires, and questions to ask as you seek the right guidance to make informed decisions about the future, while we also emphasiz the importance of understanding misinterpretations, and the critical nature of aligning actions, personal values and God’s guidance.

00:00 Introduction and Question
00:34 Ouch! (making you pay)
02:20 When he needs a licensed therapist
03:12 Solution: If you DID hurt him… but (one big caveat)*
04:28 Real life examples
05:57 When his bad side comes out (one extreme example)
07:01 Solution: How to decide your next step*
09:06 Look at what he IS doing
09:46 Solution: What is God saying (and if your gut instinct isn’t in alignment)*
11:39 This might be a workable situation (unless he makes you pay elsewhere too)
13:02 He doesn’t know how to take ownership
14:03 Solution: The REAL problem of misunderstandings
15:36 Conclusion and Wrap-Up

--


https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice