In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host, and sex therapist, Jessa Zimmerman, talks to therapist Tom Bruett about the unique aspects and challenges of gay male relationships and sex life. Tom discusses the nuances of gay relationships, including the impact of heteronormative upbringing, the importance of differentiation, and specific sexual education needs. They explore the developmental stages of queer relationships and how to maintain vibrant intimacy and connection over time. The discussion also touches on the role of monogamy, agreements in relationships, and practical advice for enhancing sexual experiences.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex
00:48 Guest Introduction: Tom Bruett on Gay Relationships
01:41 Challenges and Opportunities in Gay Relationships
03:51 Sexual Differentiation and Communication
10:50 Developmental Stages in Queer Relationships
14:30 Monogamy and Agreements in Gay Relationships
19:28 Keeping the Spark Alive in Monogamous Relationships
22:38 Resources and Conclusion
You can find all of Jessa's desire discrepancy resources at https://www.desirediscrepancy.com
Bio;
Tom Bruett, LMFT is a therapist, trainer, consultant, and author who works extensively with the queer community. He is the founder of the Queer Relationship Institute, which provides therapy for queer folx and training for therapists who work with queer relationships. Tom has trained under Drs. Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson in the Developmental Model of Relationship Therapy, which he now trains other therapists in. His book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment is published by JKP. In his downtime, he loves theatre, travel, and collaborating with his partner to keep their rescue dog, Millie, from causing too much mischief. Instagram: @QueerRelationshipInstitute Website: www.QueerRelationshipInstitute.com
Book: The Go To Relationship Guide for Gay Men
www.thequeerrelationshipinstitute.com
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman delves into the importance of being able to say 'no' in intimate relationships. She discusses how the ability to decline is crucial for fostering a healthy and enjoyable sex life, free from distress and negative experiences. Through a session example and advice for both partners, she explains the positive impact that setting boundaries can have on mutual satisfaction. Listeners are encouraged to understand the difference between a definitive 'no' and a potential 'maybe,' and to use these insights to improve their intimate connections.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex
00:47 The Importance of Saying No
01:12 Client Case Study: The Consequences of Not Saying No
04:30 Exploring the Maybe: When to Say Yes
06:56 Encouragement and Final Thoughts
08:06 Closing Remarks and Listener Engagement
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of the 'Better Sex' podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman talks with Dr. Susie Gronski about the role of pelvic floor physical therapy for men, particularly focusing on pelvic pain. Dr. Gronski shares her journey into the field, driven by the courage of men seeking help for pelvic issues amidst a healthcare landscape that often overlooks male pelvic floor therapy. They discuss common conditions treated by pelvic floor physical therapy, such as erectile dysfunction, incontinence, and chronic pelvic pain syndromes. The discussion delves into the biopsychosocial approach to diagnosis and treatment, emphasizing the integration of physical, emotional, and social factors. Dr. Gronski explains the examination process, stressing the importance of creating a comfortable and safe environment for patients. The episode highlights the need for increased awareness and tailored care for men’s pelvic health.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast
00:48 Exploring Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy for Men
01:59 Guest Introduction: Dr. Susie Gronski
03:55 Understanding Pelvic Pain in Men
04:49 Causes and Symptoms of Pelvic Pain
13:48 Emotional and Psychological Factors
19:08 Role of Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy
20:55 Understanding Pain and Its Role
21:38 Empowering Through Knowledge and Experience
22:56 Clinical Philosophy and Movement-Based Therapy
24:07 Touch Therapy and Sensory Integration
25:41 Creating a Safe and Collaborative Environment
26:32 The Initial Exam Process
28:12 Detailed Examination and Patient Comfort
30:07 Addressing Patient Concerns and Misconceptions
34:46 Finding and Connecting with Dr. Susie G
35:36 Conclusion and Listener Engagement
Take Jessa's quiz at https://www.sexlifequiz.com
Bio:
With over a decade of expertise in pelvic and sexual health, Dr. Susie Gronski is a Licensed Doctor of Physical Therapy, Pelvic Health Specialist, AASECT Certified Sex Counselor and Educator, and the founder of a multidisciplinary pelvic health clinic in Asheville, North Carolina. As a leading influencer and content creator on YouTube, she educates and empowers individuals by addressing taboo pelvic and sexual health topics, actively working to dispel misinformation. To learn more about her and her team, visit drsusieg.com.
https://www.youtube.com/@DrSusieGronski
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of Better Sex, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman tackles one of the most common and vulnerable questions: “Is there hope for my sex life?” Jessa explores the roots of hopelessness in intimate relationships, explains how communication and teamwork can reignite connection, and shares practical strategies for couples to rediscover joy and fulfillment in their sex lives. Whether you’re struggling with mismatched desire, stress, or just feeling stuck, this episode offers hope, insight, and actionable advice.
[0:46] Common concerns: Feeling hopeless about sex and relationship struggles.
[1:18] The foundation of hope: Love, friendship, and goodwill in relationships.
[1:43] Communication and teamwork as keys to improvement.
[2:17] Avoiding polarization: Working together against the problem.
[2:41] Redefining sex: Moving beyond rigid expectations and goal orientation.
[3:29] The stress of goal-oriented sex and how to shift perspective.
[4:24] Two types of sexual desire: Proactive vs. reactive.
[4:42] Understanding and embracing reactive desire.
[5:40] Building hope: Challenging assumptions and valuing both partners’ experiences.
[6:17] Introducing the “How Big a Problem Is My Sex Life?” quiz.
[6:45] Using the quiz to assess your relationship and find hope.
[7:08] Encouragement and support for finding hope in your sex life.
[7:21] Outro: Where to find more resources and episodes.
[7:36] Thank you message and invitation for feedback and reviews.
[7:56] Closing credits and theme music.
Take the quiz: https://www.sexlifequiz.com
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, hosted by sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, the guest is Stephanie Konter-O'Hara, a therapist and mother of a 19-month-old baby. Stephanie shares her personal and professional insights on how having children can impact sex life and intimate relationships. Key topics discussed include the physical, emotional, and relational challenges faced by new parents, the misconceptions around postpartum recovery, the perimenopausal state induced by breastfeeding, and the importance of communication and shared values in maintaining intimacy. Stephanie also talks about the role of compassion, understanding, and seeking therapy when necessary, to navigate the complex dynamics of parenting and relationships.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast
00:49 Guest Introduction: Stephanie Konter-O'Hara
01:22 Personal Story and Passion for Sexual Health
03:21 Physical and Emotional Challenges Postpartum
04:00 Common Barriers to Postpartum Intimacy
08:42 Relational Dynamics and Mental Load
24:31 Communication and Compassion in Relationships
26:44 Seeking Help and Resources
27:54 Conclusion and Contact Information
Want to share your story on the podcast? It can be anonymous! Email us at info@intimacywithease.com
Bio:
Stephanie Konter-O'Hara, LPC, ACS is passionate about making space in the world for everyone to be themselves and live in the most connected and authentic way that they can. She is a Mom, Podcaster, Licensed Mental Health Therapist, and a Group Practice Owner in Colorado. She is originally from the East coast and enjoys living out West where its a bit more peaceful and can spend most of the year enjoying the outdoors. When Stephanie is most joyous and free she is spending time with her friends, family (including her daughter), and her dogs. She truly loves to help people explore their relationships with themselves and believes that we should all surround ourselves with more opportunities to connect with our village.
Workbook: Becoming Mommy
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of 'Better Sex,' host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the common issue of being overly focused on pleasing one's partner in a sexual relationship. She explores how this can lead to unintended pressure, diminishing genuine intimacy and connection. Through examples from her client interactions, Jessa illustrates how detaching from the expectation of sexual pleasure and being genuinely receptive to a partner's desires can enhance the relationship. Key strategies include slowing down, truly listening to one's partner, and honoring their current wants and needs, whether they are sexual or not.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex
01:01 The Pitfalls of Wanting to Please Your Partner
02:19 Understanding Your Partner's Desires
03:19 Practical Tips for Improving Intimacy
05:34 Conclusion and Listener Engagement
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman speaks with ASSECT certified sex therapist Vanessa Cushing about her new innovative project, Sex Therapy Pro—an online closed AI resource and soon-to-be app. They discuss the challenges and accessibility gaps in sexual health information, Vanessa's journey through the creation of this custom AI, and how it aims to provide vetted, accurate information to individuals and other clinicians. They also cover the importance of trauma-informed care, the limitations of AI in handling mental health, and the ultimate goal of encouraging people to seek professional help while reducing shame around sexual health concerns.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast
00:46 Guest Introduction: Vanessa Cushing
01:56 The Birth of Sex Therapy Pro
03:23 Challenges and Solutions in Sex Therapy
04:22 AI in Sex Therapy: Benefits and Concerns
06:48 Accessibility and Inclusivity in Sexual Health
11:05 Trauma-Informed AI and Its Limitations
14:25 Future of AI in Therapy
21:05 Conclusion and App Launch Details
Take my sexual health quiz at https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
Bio:
Vanessa Cushing, MS, LPC, NCC is a sex therapist certified by University of Michigan, trauma-informed clinician, and the founder of Sex Therapy Pro a digital platform offering AI-guided, shame-free support for sexual wellness and intimacy.
She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Virginia, an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Johns Hopkins University, and completed her sex therapy certification through the University of Michigan.
Vanessa specializes in helping individuals and couples navigate sexual pain, desire discrepancies, trauma recovery, and communication breakdowns and now brings that expertise to a scalable, tech-powered format aimed at making healing more accessible than ever.
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explores what it truly means to have a healthy sex life. She challenges the common misconception that frequency alone defines a healthy sexual relationship and discusses the importance of mutual enjoyment, desire, engagement, and presence. Zimmerman also talks about the signs of an unhealthy sex life, such as sexual avoidance and lack of communication, and emphasizes the need for a fun and easy sexual relationship that works for both partners. Listeners are invited to take a comprehensive quiz to assess the health of their own sex life and get personalized tips for improvement.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex
00:58 Defining a Healthy Sex Life
02:30 Key Elements of a Healthy Sex Life
03:16 The Sexual Avoidance Cycle
03:39 Positivity and Desire in Sexual Relationships
04:19 Presence and Intentionality
05:43 Conclusion and Quiz Invitation
06:10 Closing Remarks and Listener Engagement
Take the quiz at https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jess Zimmerman speaks with Lilith Foxx and Remi Newman about their new anthology, 'Hands-On.' The book is a collection of stories from sex workers that highlight the compassion, connection, and healing found in their work. The guests elaborate on the misconceptions surrounding sex work, the role of social justice, and their personal journeys within the profession. Lilith shares her empowering experience as a former sex worker and educator, while Remi details her path as a surrogate partner. The episode emphasizes the emotional and physical healing that sex work can provide and advocates for a broader understanding and acceptance of this profession.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast
00:52 Sound Issues and Guest Introduction
01:53 The Origin of 'Hands-On' Anthology
04:17 Lilith Foxx's Journey and Passion
06:07 Social Justice and Sex Work
07:08 Misconceptions About Sex Work
08:40 Personal Stories of Entering Sex Work
14:15 Support from Loved Ones
16:58 Ethics and Sex Work
19:11 Healing Through Sex Work
22:34 Reflecting on Personal Growth and Experience
23:05 Exploring the Reasons Behind Seeking Surrogate Partners and Pro Dom Services
23:39 The Role of Companionship and Loneliness in Seeking Services
24:33 Shame and Vulnerability in Kink and Fetish Work
25:21 Drivers for Seeking Surrogate Partner Therapy
29:05 The Importance of Boundaries and Therapist Involvement
30:41 Reading an Excerpt: Holding Hands
37:54 Book Information and Closing Remarks
Bios:
Lilith Foxx (she/her) is a BIPOC, queer, neurodivergent, kinky and polyamorous marketing professional turned Board-certified sexologist, AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, professional speaker, coach, and inclusivity consultant. She is a graduate of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University’s Human Sexuality Intensive program, and is certified by Johns Hopkins University in psychological first aid. She is currently pursuing a master's degree in Public Health.
Her work focuses on the intersectionality of marginalized identities, alternative sexuality, and social justice. Informed by her personal and professional experiences, she provides BDSM and nonmonogamy cultural competency consulting for clinical, academic, and research settings, and facilitates workshops on sexuality justice and inclusion. Her expertise has been featured in several publications including Cosmopolitan, Glamour, HuffPost, Kinkly, GQ, Playboy, Men's Health, and in LiveJasmin's 'Life in Red' docu-series.
Remi Newman is a sexuality educator, writer and surrogate partner. She is the editor of the new anthology Hands On: Stories of Sexuality Work, Intimacy, and Healing. Remi has over 25 years working in the field of sexuality empowering people of diverse backgrounds to live healthy and fulfilling sex lives. She received her Master's in sexuality education from NYU. She is the proud mama of a teenage son, three naughty kitties and two adventurous crayfish.
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of Better Sex, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman dives into the concept of anger as a secondary emotion. She discusses how anger often masks more vulnerable feelings like fear, sadness, hurt, and shame. Zimmerman explains the importance of identifying and expressing these underlying emotions for better intimate relationships and effective communication. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their true feelings to foster empathy and connection with their partners.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex
00:50 Understanding Anger as a Secondary Emotion
02:00 Exploring the Emotions Underneath Anger
03:26 Practical Steps to Address Anger
05:11 Conclusion and Listener Engagement
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman interviews Dr. Nicole Thompson about her journey from purity culture to sexual liberation, focusing on how psychedelics can aid in this transition. They discuss the impact of purity culture, the importance of community, and the principles of set and setting in psychedelic-assisted therapy. Nicole shares her experiences and insights on how to use psychedelics to enhance sexual pleasure and dismantle shame. They also touch on the significance of communication, consent, and the importance of feeling safe in sexual experiences.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex
01:01 Guest Introduction: Nicole Thompson on Sexual Liberation
01:56 Nicole's Journey from Purity Culture to Sexual Freedom
03:05 Challenges and Transformations in Sexual Liberation
06:01 Therapeutic Approaches and Sexual Healing
14:41 Exploring Psychedelic Integration in Therapy
17:14 Creating a Safe and Intentional Space for Psychedelic Therapy
18:36 The Importance of Graduated Dosages in Psychedelic and Sexual Experiences
20:18 Applying Set and Setting to Sexual Liberation
22:04 The Role of Community and Safe Practices in Psychedelic and Sexual Experiences
25:08 Recognizing Boundaries and Red Flags in Sexual Relationships
27:33 The Power of Communication and Integration in Sexual Experiences
29:52 Hopes for the Future: Ending Rape Culture and Closing the Orgasm Gap
32:19 Resources and Final Thoughts
Visit https://www.intimacywithease.com if you'd like to explore how to work with me.
Guest bio:
Nicole is a queer Sex and Relationships psychotherapist and the host of the Modern Anarchy podcast. She’s the author of The Psychedelic Jealousy Guide: Crafting Secure Non-Monogamous Relationships and conducted the first published academic study on Relationship Anarchy.
Nicole is widely recognized as a leading theorist on non-monogamy and sexuality. Through her private client work with The Pleasure Practice, she helps people liberate pleasure, navigate desire, and create deeply connected relationships rooted in authenticity and expansion.
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the concept of proactive versus reactive desire in intimate relationships. She delves into how these different types of desires function and the importance of recognizing them. Zimmerman emphasizes not measuring desire at the beginning but rather in the middle, once the 'engine' has warmed up. This shift in perspective can help partners feel more desired and reduce stress around sexual relationships. The episode provides valuable insights for partners dealing with different levels of desire, aiming to improve their intimate connection.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex
01:01 Understanding Proactive and Reactive Desire
02:09 The Importance of Feeling Wanted
02:50 Measuring Desire in the Middle
04:23 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman talks with psychologist and couples counselor Bonnie Comfort about her book 'Staying Married is the Hardest Part,' which delves into the complexities of her 30-year marriage. Bonnie shares her motivations for writing the book, driven initially by grief after the loss of her husband, Bob. The conversation explores Bonnie's personal experiences with the ebbs and flows of her marriage, particularly the struggles they faced around sexual incompatibility and fetishes. Through their discussion, Bonnie emphasizes the importance of honesty, empathy, and self-advocacy in maintaining a long-term relationship. The episode also addresses broader themes such as the unrealistic expectations set by society about marriage and sex, and provides insights for both therapists and individuals struggling with similar issues.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast
00:50 Meet Bonnie Comfort: Author and Psychologist
01:52 The Journey of Writing Through Grief
02:23 Therapists Are Not Perfect: Personal Struggles
04:25 Navigating Marriage Expectations
05:30 The Romance Industrial Complex
06:27 Dealing with Sexual Incompatibility
15:58 The Impact of External Stressors on Marriage
18:04 Balancing Self-Care and Partner Support
19:35 Navigating Sexual Differences in Relationships
20:48 Balancing Personal Desires and Partner's Needs
21:36 The Role of Empathy and Compromise
22:27 Manipulation vs. Coercion in Relationships
24:48 Overcoming Sexual Insecurities
26:06 The Importance of Honest Communication
29:22 Deciding to Stay or Leave a Relationship
31:23 Psychological Insights into Relationship Dynamics
32:41 Lessons Learned and Moving Forward
33:57 About the Book and Final Thoughts
Want to take my quiz? https://www.sexlifequiz.com
Bio:
Bonnie Comfort is the author of "Staying Married is the Hardest Part," a new memoir that explores the complexities of long-term love. She has been a practicing psychologist for 30 years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and a PhD in psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology Los Angeles. Her novel, “Denial,” a psychological thriller from Simon & Schuster, was published in eight countries and translated into five languages. As an expert on marital therapy, she has been a guest multiple times on podcasts about marriage and has taken extensive workshops with marital and sex experts like Terrence Real, David Schnarch, John Gottman, and Marty Klein. She currently lives in Portland, Oregon, with her long-time partner. Find out more about her at http://bonniecomfort.com.
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist, Jessa Zimmerman, discusses the concept of reactive desire, where individuals may not initially feel in the mood for sex but can become aroused through the process. She emphasizes the importance of entering intimate situations with an open, flexible mindset without predefined expectations, allowing for the possibility of reactive desire to manifest. Jessa advises against making upfront decisions about the sexual outcome and advocates for focusing on pleasure and connection. She also highlights the significance of mutual flexibility between partners to enhance intimate experiences. Listeners are encouraged to keep an open-ended 'maybe' attitude in intimate moments to foster spontaneity and deeper connection.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex
00:51 Understanding Reactive Desire
02:19 The Importance of Flexibility in Desire
02:57 Avoiding Preconceived Notions
04:36 Final Thoughts and Outro
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes Dr. Jenn Kennedy to discuss the specific challenges women face around sexual desire. Dr. Kennedy shares her passion for women's health and the importance of inclusive research. Key topics include body image concerns, the impact of cultural messages, attachment theory, the role of EMDR in overcoming sexual trauma, and strategies for women to advocate for their own pleasure. The discussion also highlights the significance of relationship dynamics, the influence of upbringing, and how societal expectations shape women's experiences with sexuality. Dr. Kennedy also introduces her group work with The Pleasure Circle as a means to support women in their sexual journey.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast
00:46 Welcoming Dr. Jenn Kennedy
00:55 Challenges in Women's Sexual Desire
02:47 Body Image and Its Impact
06:48 The Journey to Self-Acceptance
10:13 Understanding EMDR Therapy
14:12 Overcoming Negative Beliefs
19:04 People Pleasing in the Bedroom
21:02 Understanding Women's Disconnect from Sexual Desire
21:29 Generational Differences in Sexual Attitudes
22:48 The Impact of Pain and Communication in Sexual Relationships
24:26 Strategies for Women to Advocate for Their Sexual Needs
27:49 Factors Influencing Women's Sexual Desire
29:42 Attachment Theory and Sexual Strategies
33:05 The Role of Pleasure and Self-Care in Sexual Satisfaction
38:19 Exploring Female Sexuality in Group Settings
39:39 Resources and Final Thoughts
Want to work with me? Visit https://www.intimacywithease.com
Bio:
Dr. Jenn Kennedy is a clinical sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist based in Santa Barbara. She specializes in the areas of relationships, sex, addiction and LGBT. In 2023, Dr. Jenn launched The Pleasure Project, which is dedicated to helping us all have a better sex life. Through this venture, she hosts a podcast called Pleasure Project: Sex & Relationships and offers small group intensives for women and couples. She recently launched a self-guided course and is coming out with a Pleasure Circle workbook in 2025.
Dr. Jenn has been quoted in Redbook, Reader’s Digest, Forbes Health, DailyOm, Shondaland, Parade, Allure, Yahoo!life and others. She is often tapped to discuss intimacy and sexuality for therapists and physicians.
Podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jenn-kennedy
You Tube: https://www.youtube.com/@drjennkennedy
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennkennedy
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RivieraTherapy
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman discusses the importance of addressing and repairing intimacy and connection in a relationship before focusing on improving one's sex life. She talks about the common issues couples face when there are differences in libido and how these can lead to emotional disconnection. Jessa emphasizes the need for open, heartfelt communication, positive focus, gratitude, and fun in restoring emotional closeness. She also covers how to understand desire discrepancy, the sexual avoidance cycle, and the common mistakes higher desire partners make. The episode concludes with strategies for preparing and engaging in constructive conversations about sex, aiming to turn the topic into a positive aspect of the relationship.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex
00:54 The Importance of Addressing the Relationship First
03:21 Resetting Intimacy and Connection
07:00 Understanding Desire Discrepancy
08:51 Preparing for the Conversation About Sex
09:59 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman speaks with Nick Demos about his new documentary, 'Body Electric,' which delves into body image issues within the queer community. The discussion covers the unique challenges faced by gay men, the root causes of body dysmorphia, the impact of the AIDS crisis, and internal bullying within the community. Nick shares his personal journey, addressing childhood sexual abuse and body dysmorphia, and reflects on societal pressures and the patriarchal influences affecting body perception. The conversation also touches on the universality of body image struggles, aging, and the path to self-acceptance.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast
00:48 Meet Nick Demos: Filmmaker and Advocate
01:40 Exploring 'Body Electric': The Documentary
02:12 The Gay Male Gaze and Body Image
04:38 Universal Struggles with Body Image
05:44 Bullying and Self-Esteem in the Queer Community
08:49 Personal Stories and Healing
16:48 The Impact of the AIDS Crisis on Body Image
22:04 Turning Inward: Self-Reflection in the LGBTQ Community
22:36 Impact of the Documentary: Personal Transformations
24:06 Dating Apps and Body Image in the LGBTQ Community
25:46 Patriarchy and Masculinity: A Deeper Dive
27:12 Challenges Faced by Feminine Gay Men and Trans Women
29:23 Body Image and Suicidality in the LGBTQ Community
32:19 Aging and Invisibility: The Harsh Realities
36:25 Final Thoughts: Acceptance and Moving Forward
39:42 Conclusion and Future Projects
Want to share your personal story on the podcast? Email us at info@intimacywithease.com
Bio:
Tony Award-winning producer Nick Demos has mastered the art of transformative storytelling. As the founder of The Impact Academy and the StorySelling Lab he draws on his three decades of entertainment industry expertise to help visionaries find their authentic voice on stage.
Nick's journey spans producing Broadway shows to creating award-winning documentaries including Body Electric and Invisible which are both available on Amazon Prime. giving him a unique perspective on what makes audiences lean in.
Additionally, Nick has been a meditation, breath work and yoga teacher for over two decades
By combining theatrical prowess, and spiritual practice with deep business acumen—having run a multi-million dollar business—Nick works with his clients to turn their expertise into unforgettable stories and performances that leave lasting impressions and drive real results.
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses a common issue faced by couples: the lower desire partner consistently having sex to meet their partner’s needs, leading to resentment. Jessa shares insights from a recent coaching session where a woman expressed deep frustration from decades of unfulfilling sexual encounters with her husband. Jessa emphasizes the need for both partners to realize their role in co-creating this dynamic and offers strategies for transforming their intimate relationship into one that is mutually fulfilling, rather than obligatory. She urges lower desire partners to focus on their own pleasure and encourages higher desire partners to reconsider their expectations and seek a more balanced and joyful connection.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex
00:47 The Issue of Lower Desire Partners
01:09 Real-Life Example: Decades of Unfulfilling Sex
02:13 Co-Creation of Unpleasant Sexual Dynamics
03:08 The Impact on Higher Desire Partners
05:17 Steps to Change and Improve Intimacy
06:32 Mutual Fulfillment and Connection
08:29 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.
More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
