welcome back to my menstrual cycle diaries
welcome back to the podcast queens and kings i have been inconsistent on here because i get embarrassed sometimes about the things im going through ie me situationship but i had some updates that i wanted to share with you
my 3h profection year is kicking off and i am seeing the lessons ring true but i think what i want to talk about mostly is communication
i have been a lot more honest and open about things
anwar dating coach king!!!
poly family
polyamory the wizard liz and dating monogamy robyn dixon juan tease
200 lbs women? plus sized people in pilates? bro grow up
god will put you right back together in front of the people that broke you
the tears slipped onto her arm as she cried on her pillow. another failed situationship. another platonic friendship ending in caught feelings and ghosting. she wondered if love would ever find her and why so many times it missed her completely. thinking back to the things she’d seen herself do that she vowed to never do. for him. she left her comfort zone for him and he wanted nothing to do with her anymore.
how did she end up here?
how she always did. she over corrected. self sabatoged. thought too much about what she was doing how she was moving. now motionless. stuck wandering processing what could’ve been.
2H Year Virgo
- mercury retrograde august 11 th breakdown over my walking pad breaking again second of the year and i kept on saying it’s all i have it’s all i have; finding solace in my material possessions
need money
2nd house protection year thoughts
i’m barely saving any money
but i’m looking at the money saved like wtf
realizing i should travel more
kinda feels so crazy
randomly making more money on paychecks even if it is just a dollar
realizing i need to care more about work put in more effort and time like realizing i don’t have to rush
making financial decisions and feeling them like immediately after kehlani ticket
finding comfort in the material expensive skin care routine
my walk pad era and crying about it breaking buying 4 this year
my lamps and fairy lights like toddler blanket tease fr find that tweet
emotional support regal unlimited pass obsessed with going to the movies
trashlynn thrifting content and how you can tell she moved to a nicer house and made content off of speniding money
going to walgreens for toiletries and spending 50 something dollars on razors lotion deodorant and batteries
how i spend my money
networking for the first time extended my design services to someone decorating their house and saw how my skills can translate to other ways to make revenue
built relationships through projects at work like oh now you will work on xyz because you’ve done it before yada yads
sleep routine there was a lot of movement in cancer with mars retrograde etc and i got really invested with my sleep routine and using sleepy from lush and actually like moisturizing i’ve heard that’s good for your venus like i got into different soaps
i got into a car accident and was given a bigger car and it was like a wreck literally to my mental health just through my for a spin with my possessions and clinging to them and how sad it made me
the car accident made me realize how even though someone hit me i need to be a more cognizant driver and it also showed me what i want in terms of a next vehicle it is and how important it is to choose your possessions and make sure they work for you it also opened me up to a different type of luxury bc without that altercation i wouldn’t have learned what to do in case of a car accident have to actively do so many things and talk to different people and see different cars like very woo woo but in the summer i had this phase of making like a vision board every night right and i put on it this white suv and after i dropped myself off at the place to get my car fixed the rental people picked me up in the exact same car and the guy was kinda a sleaze no lie i had a budget for like how much insurance can spend on my car and they tried to give me this nice ass car i was like um i want a cheaper car i just got into an accident im scared to drive and they did but i thought that was eerie it makes me think about like how specific you have to be in your dreams and manifestations because often times you’ll wish for things and they won’t come exactly how you expected them to
i spent a lot of money on food and things this year my laptop screen also broke this year it’s like i had to fix everything that meant something to me and maybe had an unhealthy attachment to something to do to change my opinion and addictions
my necklace broke one day and i realized how i started using it as a security blanket like i was just attached the things this year
recognizing my flaws more thinking about the future more becoming more serious in my career and taking the downs with the ups
stressed about money way more than usual wasn’t prepared for that like my new car was given to me with a low battery mercury retrograde my car wouldn’t start there were so many problems with getting it fixed and i had to take ubers and stuff also made me realize i’d rather spend money than ask for help which is weird bc all i did this year was stress about money
losing my AirPods
i went on a date? here’s my story i guess. change is in the air y’all.
mercury retrograde and venus retrograde are in full effect currently and there have been two times that i have like aggressively and suddenly recorded episodes about things that are bothering me things that are making me upset and of course i didn’t post the episodes during the first one i stopped and said why am i doing this? why am i reacting first
- [ ] but again where i find myself most times during thought discovery its 2 am and it kind of clicks a little bit
my anxiety told me that i can no longer be a person
it told me to fear my environment that i didnt fully know it told me i lost what makes me quirky that i can’t have banter with people and make conversation
seasonal depression has found me many times and made me resistant to change and moment
growing up and becoming an adult has faced me with monotony and constant raised stress levels
i have become so scared of confrontation that i water myself down and fail to be real in situations that bother me hurt me and become expressionless in places that bring me discomfort and sadness
i bottle up and let out in ways that harm my peace and self and isolate to try to gain control and protect myself again
but what i realize is derailment is the answer to my problems but my first gut reaction to derailment is to get angry to get upset for my stress levels to rise instead of looking at it as just live and realignment
derailment means to me something inherently negative
realignment or alignment im honestly not sure feels more positive
saturday morning i got up and took a 5 mile walk i was thinking maybe i would try this new coffee place i walked in it is inside of a house and you have to walk up stairs to get there
i braced myself to walk into the building but once i got into that stairwell i heard people mingling upstairs i sensed familiarity a home like people that just got each other and i constantly felt like othered and uncomfortable and scared so i left
i hope this morning i can get up do that walk and go up there and get a coffee.
instead yesterday i went to panera where i ordered on my phone waited sitting on my phone and had little interaction with people
oddly i went to panera on the day i got into the car accident i also went yesterday when hours later i discovered my new car wouldn’t start
it almost feels like i was supposed to put myself in a new environment i was so close to doing something different but instead i embraced familiarity and ended up being literally PULLED out of my comfort zone
anyways yeah my car didn’t start so my day of ease turned into a day of panic i wasn’t even phased when my car didn’t start initially sure i had a hair appointment later but i was just like whatever
AAA came and figured out it was my battery so they weren’t able to replace my battery the guy also couldn’t jump my car and so i was destined to wait for a tow as it got closer to my hair appointment time i decided i would just uber there like no tow truck came
so i ubered i got into a car that had lights on the ceiling very king kylie and her highlighter colored hair and sports car era
the driver didn’t speak once i have taken like under 5 ubers in my life and people usually don’t speak in them so it was quiet except for the windows being down the cool air rushing on my face and the medium volume level of drakes sexy music for you album i believe playing so i drove to get my hair done being serenaded by drake to songs that i think should probably only be played during intimate moments no shade to the driver anyway i got to my locticians place
she had a book on her shelf that i had heard of “the power of now” so i asked her about it and we talked a lot about that book religion spirituality and individuality it was super insightful do you ever meet someone that you just feel like knows all the answers? that’s my loctician she also takes about the kids show avatar and how important it is so maybe i will delve into that?
thank YOU for listening!
my dresser saga comes to an end getting rid of furniture when living alone
i have bruises and marks all over my legs
vintage market and farmers market my eat pray love
serendipity
snl skits
my dream about theatre kid robbers
using my pointless information
my parker posey tsunami dream
#ripcarl
overcoming limerence by hearing real love stories
my christmas trip to dollywood over christmas break
dolly parton’s sister stella parton tweeting about the presidency and their malpractice
al green getting kicked out of trumps speech
ruby franke abbott elementary apple bottom jeans killing the department of education
the rise of colorless spaces carly weinstein NYC reddit influencer snark
designing spaces
the rise of conservatism and tradition value
venus retrograde mercury retrograde
feeling directionless
errors at work
sephora trip to find lip combo
recession indicator
traitors discourse danielle reyes and carolyn wiger survivor and big brother history with swearing reality tv edits competition tv
political unrest
uncomfortable in the workplace
moving astrocartography
realizing it’s time to move part 867
dei rollback at target boycotting
why are people to stand up for things they believe in
feeling severed even though i’m not - severance thoughts
love shrinking and jessica williams
summer house thoughts
ood morning kingdom
i need to change my mindset about the city i live in but i just want to move so bad
ive been struggling with loneliness feeling othered and justtwanting a community
i wish i felt more mentaly stable, physically safe and understood
i wish it was easier for me to leave my comfort zone and find friends
i wish i could do fun things more often
i wish i asked people for help more at the end of the day i just need some help right now
its not the city its you
at the end of the day maybe it is me every time i want to leave somewhere i blame it on the place but maybe it is just me
sometimes i just wish i could go to a psych ward
im also so sick of being in pain like i feel like i am constantly just getting sick and getting over it or being sad and getting out of it or binnge eating and restricting im just overwhelmed
i also feel like i make all the wrong choices like why dud i get into a car accident and then order a seafood boil on uber eats like thats not normal
im loving summer house and star struck on hob max
i got hit when i was listening to linsey hubbard talk about her break up on my way to go eat my panera bagel on a podcast called not skinny but not fat like wtf when it rains it pours
projectile vomiting is like a constant in my life and i HATE throwing up here are some more stories of me throwing up
pray 4 me pls
january 2025 has led me to be the make the most unintelligible podcast episode ever which is this sorry in advance
why i think the bachelor/bachelorette franchise ruins lives
rachel kirkconnell and matt james
we need pmdd documentary to go viral on Netflix like NOW
people dont understand periods at all
trumps presidency thoughts compared to mia in princess diaries
why i think we should unite and separate
my issues with physicality versus emotional shallow has vibes
petite light skin comment wtf
shari franke book the house of my mother thoughts
mufasa
babygrirl
the last show girl
beauty and pain and jobs i hate working nyc influencer talk and cancelled podcast
the state of the world
spending time with my parents stavros halkias podcast
fire conspiracies
my obsession with watching real people
the rise of real people celebrities and how it could all fall
my hypocrisy
helping people and it ruining your life bc you care so much
wanting to create but feeling powerless and a lack of creativity
sister wives kody and janelle being step siblings and that being kept under the rug and weird
traitors sucks but i love it what i would change
the pre period working vibe and then the slump wanting to off myself
life doesnt wrap up in 30 minutes keke palmer quote
the black burn when you hear something and instantly feel unsafe
going to the house tour and the door getting slammed in our faces
listening to some of the musicals ariana grande recommended
people want a place where they can speak freely but why do we often speak in a way that offends others
carrie underwood and country music i want to make more art that doesn’t make people feel the black burn. but maybe wrestles with the idea of the opposite
why i’m scared for trumps america is im scared that more of those black burns will happen
the balance of someone telling you something that makes you assume something else and then having to unlearn it feeling bad at design
RPDR Rupaul’s Drag Race s17 love shipping kori and lydia i love the girls i love reality tv seeing people bond over a shared experience i want more shared experiences in my life
cities show indicators to society but also utopia i can tell people are struggling here and the divide is growing deeper and it’s scary but also the way we talk about it and i talk about it has to change
sex and the city carrie vibes
my NYC trip
tragedy and lessons
sister wives kody brown is wild af
britneyandbaby britney morrow change in content
what religion taught me about false idols
my obsession with taxi cab drivers and how i wish i could hear more of their stories
new year’s resolutions ish
i want to create stuff
astrology stuff
TMI about my entire life menstrual cycle things i’ve learned talking with old friends during mercury retrograde… hearing how people are talking about homeless people… pluto in aquarius i hope all the people get power and power shifts
the episode cuts but i’ll post the other part lol these are my crazy dreams just examples of what i’ve been struggling with all NOT REAL: dating caleb heron talking about wicked talking to cynthia erivo my friend from ha in audience needing to pee people rushing out of th theater to pee
(watched caleb heron podcast w ziwe) (my friend from hs got married she was in the dream too robbie and gabby winder pod w shannon and becca moore)nyc musicals a stand up taking you on a date to their set
living in the front of a building where everyone needed to walk through your apartment un the morning and the receptionist worked in it and the next door was a weird place where people like paid for people to get raw meat thrown on them (saw lady gaga meat dress before bed) being a single women single mom the worker coming home and seeing gross shit everywhere throw on the window covering and the babies having to go in the meat center when they clean it out (apartment concerns) (trisha paytas podcast) parentheses show what made my dream like that
My 2024
snl hyper fixation trisha paytas on snl
regal unlimited pass
my reddit darkness era so gross
seeking male attention / validation not wanting something and getting it instead of vice versa
being yourself
mercury retrograde
the understanding you have with people you grew up with
being triggered by changes and the importance of shared history
standing up for your life
jumbled and crazy and incoherent probably misspoke a few times and am definitely biased #mochagrande vibes!!!
i’m sorry if i misspoke in this podcast. i had so much to say. i am not trying to offend anyone with my words at all. this has been such a sad time. i just hope his family and friends are doing okay. i wish everybody the best. life is hard out here.
thanks for listening .
i loved it kind of!!!! i think so!!!! i don’t know!!!!
Kehlani Victoria Monet
Relationships in the same job field
Britney Spears
Movies Rapid Fire Thoughts
Megalopolis
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice
My Old Ass
Reagan
The Forge
Chappell Roan Moo Deng Skit
Political Candidates and Going After People's Characteristics
