Episode 6: Perfectionism in Disguise – When Doing Becomes a Defense

Perfectionism doesn’t always show up as neat handwriting and color-coded planners. Sometimes, it looks like staying late at work, saying yes when you mean no, or reworking something over and over until you’re drained. In this episode of Uninhibited, we take a deep dive into how perfectionism can disguise itself as ambition, productivity, or even caretaking—and how it's often rooted in trauma, shame, and nervous system dysregulation.

From a trauma-informed lens, we explore how childhood experiences, systemic pressures, and internalized rules about worth can shape our compulsion to over-function. Whether it’s the child who became the responsible one in a chaotic home, or the adult who never feels like they’ve done enough, perfectionism becomes less of a personality quirk and more of a survival strategy.

We’ll cover:

🧠 Segment 1: The Many Faces of Perfectionism
Learn about the three types of perfectionism—self-oriented, other-oriented, and socially prescribed—and how early life experiences create patterns of over-responsibility, emotional detachment, or detail obsession.

🏛 Segment 2: The Culture of Constant Doing
We unpack how capitalism, patriarchy, and white supremacy culture pressure us into relentless productivity, especially for marginalized folks. Your exhaustion isn’t a flaw—it’s a response to systems demanding too much.

💥 Segment 3: Perfectionism and the Nervous System
Explore how perfectionism is tied to chronic states of fight, flight, or freeze, and why regulation—not logic—is the path forward. We introduce body-based strategies to help your system learn safety beyond perfection.

👶 Segment 4: Childhood Templates and Internalized Scripts
We dig into the roots: parentification, emotional invalidation, and performance-based love. Learn how these scripts get encoded and how to begin reparenting those internalized roles.

🛠 Segment 5: When Doing Becomes a Defense
Understand how busyness often protects us from grief, fear, or vulnerability. You'll hear practical tools for recognizing overdoing in real time and creating space for discomfort—without judgment.

🌱 Segment 6: Reparative Experiences and the Power of Enough
Learn how imperfect moments can rewire our sense of safety and self-worth. We offer boundaries, rituals, and nervous-system-friendly habits to support sustainable healing and the radical act of resting.

🌀 Segment 7: Integration + Reflection
Reflect on your perfectionist parts and reconnect with what’s already good, grounded, and whole inside you. Includes a short grounding practice to end the episode.

✨ Whether you’re a therapist, caregiver, overachiever—or all three—this episode is a compassionate invitation to stop proving and start softening.

This podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute therapy or create a therapeutic relationship. If you’re in crisis, please reach out to a licensed provider in your area.

🎧 Next week on Uninhibited: We’ll explore perinatal mental health—how pregnancy, postpartum, and fertility struggles impact emotional well-being, and how to support healing from a trauma-informed perspective.

Until next time, take a breath—and stay uninhibited.

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a loop of “I’m not good enough,” replaying past mistakes and feeling like you’re spiraling into self-doubt? In this episode of Uninhibited: The Mental Health Podcast, licensed professional counselor Jessica Van Leer unpacks the anatomy of shame spirals—what triggers them, why they’re so neurologically powerful, and how to break free without abandoning yourself in the process.

You’ll learn:

• What a shame spiral really is—and how it differs from guilt

• The neuroscience behind shame (and why it’s so hard to think your way out of it)

• Common triggers that send us into spirals—from social media to childhood wounds

• A five-step strategy to interrupt the spiral using body-based and cognitive tools

• How trauma survivors experience shame differently and how a trauma-informed lens helps

• Daily practices to build shame resilience and respond with compassion, not criticism

• Gentle ways to reconnect with your worth even when your inner critic is loud

This episode offers real-world examples, somatic regulation strategies, and reflection prompts to help you recognize when shame shows up—and remind yourself that you are not your worst moment.

Whether you’re navigating burnout, perfectionism, or the echoes of past wounds, this episode will help you move from inner collapse to inner connection.

🔖 Educational disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute therapy or create a therapeutic relationship. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed provider in your area.

🎧 Stay tuned for next week’s episode: “Productivity or Perfectionism? How to Tell the Difference—and Let Go.”

Why do so many of us feel the need to justify, clarify, and explain ourselves to exhaustion? In this episode of Uninhibited: The Mental Health Podcast, licensed professional counselor Jessica Van Leer unpacks the roots of overexplaining—and how this common behavior keeps us small, anxious, and disconnected from our truth.

You’ll learn:

• The psychological and cultural origins of overexplaining

• How trauma, gender roles, and people-pleasing shape the urge to be overly understood

• Why silence can feel threatening when your safety once depended on staying in control

• What it means to reclaim your right to say less—and let your boundaries stand

• How active listening in your relationships can shift the need to over-clarify

• Tools to calm your nervous system when guilt or self-doubt makes you want to overshare

• Gentle practices to honor your voice without drowning it in over-explanation.

With warmth and a trauma-informed lens, Jessica offers strategies to help you move from compulsive clarity to embodied confidence. Whether you’re someone who replays conversations in your head or feels guilt when setting limits, this episode is for you.

💬 Quote from the episode: “Overexplaining is a form of self-protection—but when we soften that impulse, we make room for trust, clarity, and true connection.”

🎧 Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute therapy or create a therapeutic relationship. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed provider in your area.

Next week on Uninhibited, we’ll explore shame spirals—how they hijack our inner world, and what it takes to interrupt them with compassion.

Boundaries don’t have to mean conflict. In this episode, we explore what it means to set healthy limits—without shame, without apology, and without burning bridges.

Whether you're navigating boundaries with parents, romantic partners, friends, or coworkers, we break down how to set them with compassion, especially when guilt shows up. This episode is for the people who feel selfish for saying no. For the fawners. For the recovering people-pleasers.

We dive into:

✅ What boundaries really are (and what they’re not)
✅ Why setting them feels so hard if you grew up without them
✅ Boundaries with parents and the grief that may follow
✅ Boundaries in romantic relationships and how they expose emotional patterns
✅ How to sit with guilt as your nervous system adjusts
✅ Common boundaries you might need—physical, digital, emotional, conversational
✅ What to say when your boundaries are challenged
✅ How to repeat and reinforce your limits with calm clarity
✅ Journal prompts to reflect and integrate

You’ll also learn how to maintain boundaries once they’re set—because the real work often begins after you voice your needs. We’ll talk about how to follow through without overexplaining, how to respond when others forget, and how to hold steady when you’re tempted to collapse them.

This is a compassionate, trauma-informed conversation with tools you can start using today. Because real boundaries protect your peace. And you deserve relationships where both honesty and connection can coexist.

🎙️ Let this be your invitation to honor your truth—without apology.

Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute therapy or create a therapeutic relationship. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed provider in your area.

Are you the one who always holds space for others, even when your own tank is empty?

This episode is for the therapists, caregivers, helpers, teachers, parents, and nurturers—the ones who give more than they get. We’re diving deep into emotional burnout, what it looks like from a trauma-informed lens, and how the nervous system responds to chronic emotional labor.

You’ll learn:

• The difference between burnout and depression

• How trauma histories contribute to over giving

• Why your body may feel shut down, numb, or foggy

• The neuroscience behind burnout: amygdala overload, cortisol fatigue, and vagus nerve shutdown

• How to begin somatic repair using grounding, breathwork, and polyvagal tools

We’ll also reflect on why so many of us link our worth to usefulness—and how to gently challenge that belief.

This episode is a soft landing. A reminder that your burnout is not a flaw—it’s feedback. And that your body isn’t broken, it’s protecting you.

✨ Includes a calming breath exercise and trauma-informed journal prompts to reconnect with your body and worth.
🎧 Runtime: ~9 minutes
🎙️ Host: Jessica Van Leer, Licensed Professional Counselor (Arizona)

Journal Prompts from the Episode:

1. What part of me believes rest isn’t allowed?

2. What am I still trying to prove by over-giving?

3. What would my body choose if I gave it a voice today?

4. Where am I seeking safety through performance?

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This podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute therapy or create a therapeutic relationship. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed provider in your area.

Healing isn’t always calm. It isn’t linear. And it certainly isn’t always Instagram-worthy. In this debut episode, therapist and host Jessica Van Leer, LPC (Arizona), breaks down the myth that growth must look graceful to be real.

Through compassionate insight, therapeutic tools, and reflective prompts, you’ll learn why the messy middle is often where the deepest healing happens.

✍️ Journal Prompt Included
🎧 Guided Reflection
💬 Topics: emotional stuckness, trauma-informed growth, nervous system healing

This episode is for anyone who’s ever felt like their healing isn’t "good enough." You’re not alone. You’re not doing it wrong.

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Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute therapy or create a therapeutic relationship.