If you’ve ever found yourself thinking “My life will only improve when my ex changes,” this episode is for you. In this conversation, Danielle unpacks one of the most common - and painful - thought errors that keeps protective parents trapped in reactivity: believing peace will come only when the other parent behaves differently. You’ll learn why waiting for change keeps you powerless, what true emotional and what emotional and nervous system capacity really means. This episode covers: ...

If you've just received a family report that's gotten it completely wrong, this episode is for you. Today we're talking about the "Ted Bundy Effect" in family court - why professionals consistently miss coercive control even when the evidence is right in front of them - and some of the things that need to be considered when you're contemplating whether to settle or proceed to final trial. In this episode: - The "Ted Bundy Effect": why smart professionals get fooled by surface presentation - R...

The word “trial” shouldn’t mean losing yourself. When the stakes feel sky-high, your greatest asset is your capacity - your ability to stay calm, credible and relentlessly child-focused during your Family Court trial. In this episode, we explore trauma-informed strategies for regulating under pressure so you can show up steady and strategic when it matters most. We discuss simple daily habits that build real courtroom composure - from breathwork and gentle movement to visualisation that...

A bad family report can feel like a punch to the gut - especially when coercive control gets reframed as “conflict” and your protective choices are miscast as gatekeeping. In this episode of The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast, I unpack what to do if your family report or child impact report isn’t in your favour. You’ll learn why these reports go wrong, how to respond with calm and clarity, and how to build a plan that keeps your child’s safety at the centre. We start by resetting expectations:...

Today we’re walking you through a calmer, clearer way to prepare for meeting with a report writer - one grounded in practical tools and a steady presence that keeps your kids front and centre. Rather than chasing perfect responses, we focus on what report writers actually look for. We talk about common traps like over-explaining, minimising hard truths, or subtly pressuring kids, and you’ll hear why “just be honest” is incomplete advice and how calm delivery determines credibility. ...

When a single text can hijack your nervous system, “being strong” isn’t a mindset - it’s a skill you can hone and strengthen. We go behind the scenes of protective parenting and my simple three-step framework (knowledge, capacity, and advocacy) and shine a light on the quiet, invisible work that makes it all come together. Through a powerful client story, we trace the journey from sleepless, fear‑soaked message drafting to calm, clear responses - WITH healthy boundaries, and without the drama...

After separation, our mind can turn into either a sanctuary or a torture chamber. In this episode we touch on neuroplasticity, the brain–body loop, and how visualisation activates many of the same pathways as real experience. From there, we translate insight into action. The goal isn’t to eliminate big, uncomfortable feelings; it’s to build a reliable path back to steadiness so you can respond, not react. If this resonates, follow the show, share it with someone who needs it, an...

You know the message you need to send - your body knows it too. The heart race at each notification, the late‑night rehearsals, the drafts you delete because every time you raise a concern it explodes into denial or a character assassination. Today we go straight to that paralysis and unpack why it isn’t a “communication skills” problem at all, but a control dynamic that punishes you for advocating for your kids. Then we offer a practical path out, but none of this sticks without nervous sys...

The clock says 3 a.m., but your mind won’t switch off. You can still feel your child’s legs wrapped around your waist at changeover, hear the cry that says "stay", and taste the guilt of agreeing to overnights that never felt right. You were told kids “adapt,” that “equal time” is always best. What if that advice ignores how young brains and bodies actually develop? We walk through the real signs of attachment strain - full-body clinging, sleep disruption, toileting regressions, and meltdown...

What if you already have the power to protect your children after separation, but no one's ever told you? In this revealing conversation, Principal Coach and Director of Danielle Black Coaching, Danielle Black, welcomes Specialist Coach Trudie Hargrave to share insights from both their professional expertise and personal journeys through high-conflict separations. From lighthearted coffee preferences to profound reflections on advocacy, this episode peels back the curtain on what makes these...

The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ is launching after months of development, offering a comprehensive system that transforms protective parents from conflict-avoidant to strategic advocates for their children's needs. • Knowledge component includes evidence-based child development, safety assessment, and age-appropriate arrangements • Capacity building focuses on nervous system regulation, emotion regulation, and maintaining healthy boundaries • Advocacy element provides strategic co...

Evidence-based approaches that prioritise child safety after separation exist, yet our current family law system in Australia continues to fail children by putting parental contact above protection. When we strip away ideology and look at what research actually shows, we discover that protecting kids from harmful patterns while maintaining safe connection is what truly serves their best interests. • Safety must be the starting point, with every case beginning with the question: "Is this chil...

The 2006 amendments to Australia's Family Law Act were hailed as progressive reforms designed to promote children's relationships with both parents after separation. But what if these changes actually made children less safe? What if the evidence shows children were better protected before this ideological shift? In this eye-opening episode, we expose how well-intentioned policy created a 20-year disaster for the protection of children in Australia's family law system. Before 2006, the typic...

What happens when the very experts meant to protect our children can't identify the abuse that's harming them? Australian research from the University of Queensland delivers a shocking revelation: children exposed to coercive control have more than double the odds of developing PTSD compared to their peers. The trauma isn't theoretical - it manifests as anxiety, depression, self-harm, suicidality, and substance abuse disorders that can shadow them throughout their lives. Yet eve...

Navigating life after separation requires more than just knowing what your children need - it demands the capacity to advocate for them even when it's deeply uncomfortable. In this groundbreaking episode, I reveal my proprietary framework that's transformed hundreds of parents from conflict avoidant to genuinely protective. The Three Steps to Protective Parenting® framework addresses the missing link in most post-separation advice. While professionals typically focus on providing information...

Even when parenting arrangements seem impossible to change, we can strengthen our children's attachment security through consistent, attuned care during the time we do have with them. The remarkable plasticity of children's brains means attachment repair can happen at any stage when they experience responsive caregiving. • Quality of interaction matters far more than quantity of time when building secure attachment • Children's brains remain capable of healing and forming new patterns throu...

Attachment theory is a crucial but often misunderstood concept that significantly impacts children's wellbeing after parents separate. Understanding attachment isn't about controlling access to your child, but rather protecting their fundamental developmental needs when deciding upon post-separation parenting arrangements. • Attachment is a biological survival system ensuring children stay close to caregivers who keep them safe and help regulate emotions • Children form a hierarchy of attac...

What if the arrangement everyone claims is "best for children" after separation is actually harming them? This provocative question forms the foundation of our deep dive into the dangerous myth of 50-50 equal shared parenting time. Drawing on Australian government-commissioned research and international studies, we expose how equal shared care arrangements can negatively impact children's emotional regulation and attachment security - particularly for young children under four years of age.&...

In this episode, I pull back the curtain on my personal journey through coercive control and post-separation abuse in this raw, vulnerable episode. I share how I met my former partner at just 17, failing to recognise the red flags of control because they mirrored dynamics that I witnessed in childhood. When I finally left the relationship when my son was 12 months old, what I thought would end the abuse actually marked the beginning of a new, equally devastating phase. I recount how fear par...

Ever had that gut feeling that the "professional advice" about your parenting arrangements just didn't fit your child's needs? You're not alone, and you're probably not wrong. The heartbreaking reality is that many professionals working in the separation space - lawyers, mediators, coaches, even family therapists - are operating on dangerous myths rather than developmental science. They push arrangements that sound "fair" to adults while ignoring what children actually need to thrive. Take ...