I’m letting off a little steam in this one. I unravel what it’s like to straddle love and distance with your own parents - when belief, expectation, and silence get tangled up in identity. I dive into memories and dreams that still sting, wrestle with what it means to set boundaries, and unpack that unrelenting ache of feeling unchosen as a daughter. Scattered through the episode are clips from Elemental - echoing the pain of disappointing a parent by living the life you choose, and the struggle of having a fiery disposition in a world that often asks you to cool down. I also share what’s grounding me: journaling in the dark, tarot spreads with sharp edges, leaning on the few safe souls who really see me. This isn’t a finished story - it’s permission to feel, to name, and to light your own way through the fog. If you’ve ever felt like love was conditional, this one’s for you.
This episode is about the weird in-between part of startingover - when you’ve technically “changed your life,” but emotionally you’re still buffering. I talk about moving from Kansas City to Nevada, grieving a life I was bored with, and trying to remember why growth always feels like getting evicted from your comfort zone. This is a love letter to all the moments that feel like failures, betrayals from your old self, and the strange hopeful ones that feel like birth pains. There’s a quiet nod to a certain meerkat midlife crisis -Timon’s whole “I can’t live like this anymore” energy, leaving not because life was bad, but because staying would’ve meant never finding where you fit.
Are you brave enough? This week, I’m sharing what it really feels like to make big, scary moves - when you have no guarantee it’s going to work out. Wondering if courage accepts refunds? Same. In this episode, I talk about moving, money, and the art of pretending you know what you’re doing. Spoiler: choosing your own happiness is messy, risky, and wildly worth it.
The term ‘seek discomfort’ sounds cliché with the man bun wave of the wokes, BUT in a nutshell, it’s the very thing that’s been carrying me—giving me hope when I had none, and possibilities when my day-to-day is usually set. In this Lonely Clam segment, I close the chapter on my home state, Missoury, (Damn auto correct). I share my healing journey with my parents, my personal relationships, and myself. I dive deep into the unknown and see how freeing “I don’t know” can be. Certainty has shackled me, while unpredictability has liberated me. If you love routine, are a control freak, have your bathroom breaks scheduled, but are also wondering why you’re so bored—give this a listen.
In this natural Clamerella tale, I continue the saga of how I'm working through the muck of communication barriers and breakdowns with the people I love most. It feels like the rug has been ripped out from under me, and I'm trying to stabilize myself as I sort through what's true and the light that's being shed on my need-to-grow areas. I share the importance of boundaries and how to have them in conversations, the effects of religion on not only my family dynamic but the world, and that—ultimately—no one has the power to save you except for yourself.
00:42 Big Changes Ahead: Moving Plans
01:41 The Importance of Self-Saving
03:09 Emotional Accountability and Healing
06:29 Communication Challenges and Realizations
10:45 Navigating Triggers and Boundaries
25:25 Attachment Styles and Personal Growth
29:36 Self-Acceptance and Forgiveness
31:39 Emotional Breakdown and Self-Realization
33:01 Embracing Healthy Masculine Energy
34:58 Nostalgic Movies and Personal Growth
37:42 Releasing Unrealistic Expectations
38:39 Religious Divide and Personal Truth
44:47 Separation of Church and State
49:25 Breaking Family Cycles
57:38 The Journey of Healing
This episode? It’s not just classically Clam and clever. It’s confession.
In this Lonely Clam segment, I get raw—like edited-out-the-ugly-cry raw. Featuring a Tarot reading that came for my whole life, and a deep dive into why I keep attracting relationships that feel like emotional déjà vu.
This isn’t about religion. It’s about the quiet, lasting imprints of belief systems and how they can shape the way we love, lose, and forget ourselves. I talk gaslighting, boundaries, emotional flashbacks, and the quieter parts of healing. (Not me, baby—I’m loud and I’m proud.)
If you’ve ever felt like your worth was conditional—on obedience, forgiveness, or being “easy to love”—I hope this makes you feel a little less weird. A little less alone in your shell.
Thanks for swimming with me.
In this solo slam, I get real about the emotional chaosthat’s been simmering under the surface lately. From unexpected car repairs that cost more than my dignity to inching toward a big move and my thirties at the same time (cute, right?), I’m unpacking what it means to actually commit to yourself—especially when everything around you feels uncertain, unstable, and just a little bit stupid. Between almost moving, almost crying (or fully crying?), and almost thriving, I’m exploring what it means to commit to myself—even when the world feels like it’s over drafting both my spirit and my bank account. It’s raw. It’s real. It’s rambly. My love letter to growth, grind, and figuring it the f**k out on the fly. If you’ve ever googled “how to become stable immediately,” this one’s for you.
01:04 Podcasting Realities and Challenges
02:14 Embracing Uncertainty and Taking Risks
07:52 Financial Struggles and Systemic Issues
21:33 Self-Love and Personal Growth
On this Lonely Clam segment, I’m cracking open and getting real about what it means to bloom through the bullshit. I’m finally grounding into my power—and planting seeds for a new chapter. I prepare for my move and FINALLY start to see real progress.
From unlearning patterns that kept me small to letting the universe act as my guide, this episode is a full-body exhale for anyone who’s ever felt stuck but still hopeful. I talk about trusting intuitive nudges, releasing control, and finding support in unexpected places—all while keeping it rooted in that springtime energy of rebirth and becoming.
01:28 Embracing Change and Abundance
03:05 Job Search and Intuition
08:16 Podcasting Journey
11:09 New Podcast Co-Hosting Opportunity
20:49 Emotional Challenges and Personal Growth
28:19 Conclusion and Housekeeping
At long last! The Clam Sellmeyer episode has been born. John Sellmeyer, host of Because I'm John Sellmeyer, teams up with yours truly for the mash- up of your dreams. Today’s episode is SO funky and cool because you get to dive straight into John's turf without lifting a finger. We do what he does best: review movies and shows, including (but not limited to) The Substance *Dun Dun Dun* AND we catch up like old buds and shoot the shit the good ol’ clamfashionedway. Listen hard and good—you won’t regret it. And don’t forget to give Because I’m John Sellmeyer a follow! Link below.
https://open.spotify.com/show/4CnFiOgrUVkwK6UKuPlnA9?si=472949873a644a96
00:26 Podcast Collaboration with John Sellmeyer 01:51 Discussing 'The Substance' Movie
04:42 Podcasting Journey and Challenges
08:18 Hollywood Pressures and Aging
27:53 Black Mirror and Other Disturbing Media
40:40 High School Memories and Friendships
46:22 Astrology and Stereotypes
46:55 Family and Parenting
48:01 Travel Adventures and Compatibility
51:30 High School Memories
55:40 Podcasting Insights and Advice
01:03:19 Authenticity and Vulnerability
01:05:20 Podcasting Strategies and Reflections
01:10:44 Future Plans and Collaboration
01:28:50 Contact Information and Farewell
Whoops *sweat face emoji* Tune in Sunday at midnight this week and every week after (hopefully).
Finallyyy not only did I fulfill my promise to drop a Clam Slam segment this week, it also features Phillip! As a local director, filmmaker, networker, GENIUS- alright i'll stop choking on it. Phillip shares his creative insights, how he's grown as a movie maker, and his journey as an artist. Phillip also shares how conversation is resistance, and why we all have the responsibility to teach others.
00:45 Meeting Philip and First Impressions
07:29 Creative Collaborations and Soundboarding
11:33 Navigating Negative Environments
22:12 Social Injustice and Personal Experiences
30:41 Racism and Social Conditioning
37:48 Political Perspectives and Gender Bias
42:51 Political Landscape: Republican Unity vs. Democratic Spectrum
44:23 The Importance of Diverse Perspectives in Creativity
45:33 The Rise of Independent Platforms
46:03 Navigating Political Identity and Shifts
48:28 Ignorance vs. Uneducated
49:38 Stories of Racism and Trauma
52:15 The Role of Curiosity in Personal Growth
52:53 Journey into Filmmaking: From History Teacher to Director
01:02:55 Building a Network and Finding Opportunities
01:06:08 Kansas City: A Hub for Creative Opportunities
01:20:08 The Value of Creative Expression and Collaboration
01:22:35 Final Thoughts
Welcum back to another Lonely Clam segment, where I rant,reflect, and hopefully drop morsels of wisdom along the way. This one’s for all my fellow twenty- and thirty-somethings as I sound the battle cry: we need to GTFO of our hometowns yesterday. I’ll share where I’m at in my own journey, how I’ve been navigating tough relationship decisions, and what’s been helping me keep depression at bay (for now). Most importantly, I’ll talk about the power I’ve found in choosing myself.
00:00 Introduction to Clam Slam the Lonely Clam
01:18 Moving and Life Changes
03:42 Facing Resistance and Overcoming Challenges
07:24 Dealing with Rejection and Depression
09:23 Self-Improvement and Preparation
16:32 Reflections and Final Thoughts
22:33 Closing Remarks
I came back—just like I always do in my on-and-off relationships. It’s tough out here, and I’m bitching about all of it. In this Lonely Clam segment, I dive deep *eyebrows eyebrows* into the chaos of this transitional period in my life. I break down my self-realizations, relationship standards (for both friends and lovers), and how I use Human Design to guide my decisions.00:00 Introduction and Overview
00:19 Personal Reflections and Challenges
01:09 Podcasting Goals and Perfectionism
03:43 Struggles with Change and Control
06:43 Energy Vampires and Self-Realization
13:10 Relationship Insights and Patterns
19:20 Cheryl Strayed's Advice
28:42 Self-Growth and Accountability
34:23 Conclusion and Call for Feedback
In this final Lonely Clam of the season, I reflect on this past year with both fondness and horror. Twenty-nine feels like “crawling out of the depths of the earth” as Kalika would say. I share what healing has reached me, and where it has just begun. *Read this in that deep dramatic Morgan Freeman style movie trailer voice*
00:23 Reflecting on Personal Growth and Healing
04:09 Family Relationships and Healing
05:00 Sibling Dynamics and Loss
13:19 Mother-Daughter Relationship Challenges
14:09 Father-Daughter Relationship Healing
19:01 Navigating Grief and Loss
20:18 Friendship and Self-Acceptance
21:28 Romantic Relationships and Self-Discovery
24:01 Financial Struggles and Lessons
31:29 Taking Control of My Life
31:46 Building My Own Security
32:36 The Importance of Good Credit
33:29 Reflecting on My Birthday
34:36 Understanding Saturn Return
36:29 Navigating Major Life Changes
43:12 Creating My Happiness Project
52:10 Facing My Deep-Rooted Beliefs
59:50 Preparing for a Big Move
01:04:49 Concluding Thoughts and Future Plans
In this Clam Slam episode, we explore all that is my mentor, Shar. She has taught me so much about what it truly means to be an independent, empowering woman, and I’m excited to share her story with you. Shar opens up in the classic Clam way—with humor and raw authenticity. She talks about her marriage, divorce, navigating traumatic relationships, motherhood, and being the breadwinner for her family. We also explore the significant differences between being a working woman in today’s office culture versus that of her early 20's. I hope my audience can take something from her stories and life, just as I have.
00:17 Introducing Shar: A Mentor and Friend
01:40 Shar's Influence and Resilience
03:42 Dedication to the Women in My Life
04:43 Meeting Shar: The Beginning of a Friendship
05:04 Podcasting and Helping Others
05:30 Shar: A Personal Introduction
09:02 The Dark Humor Bond
11:51 Navigating Relationships and Personal Growth
21:49 Core Memories and Financial Security
23:55 Marriage and Early Red Flags
27:59 Wedding Night and Early Marriage Challenges
32:42 Postpartum Depression and Emotional Support
35:48 Divorce and Co-Parenting Realities
37:33 Realizing the Need for Change
37:51 The Impact on Children
39:21 Moments of Disappointment
41:31 Financial Struggles and Resentment
44:06 Emotional Unavailability and Red Flags
50:53 Navigating Grief and Finding Support
55:10 Starting Over and Dating Again
56:51 Meeting PB and Red Flags
01:15:09 Manipulation and Paranoia
01:19:40 Suspicion and Roadblocks
01:20:02 Background Checks and Confrontations
01:20:43 The Prison Revelation
01:31:08 Court Date and Sentencing
01:43:56 Aftermath and Reflection
01:53:19 Reflecting on a Traumatic Relationship
01:54:02 The Pathological Liar
01:54:57 The Illusion of Love
01:57:37 The Impact of Continued Contact
01:58:29 A Visit to the Past
02:00:36 The Importance of Background Checks
02:01:30 Navigating Modern Dating
02:10:23 Sexual Harassment in the Workplace
02:26:29 Advice for the Younger Generation
02:29:13 Closing Thoughts and Farewell
In this Lonely Clam segment, I dive into the reality of growing apart from friends as we navigate adulthood. Sometimes it’s not a big dramatic falling out—and sometimes it’s because they slut-shamed you. Well, slap my ass and call me Hester, for this is my Scarlet Letter. We’re all human, and it’s time we normalize (and celebrate!) female sexuality, free from shame or judgment. This episode is about embracing your sexual freedom, breaking free from toxic expectations, and learning to be a better friend to the women in your life, because I, too, have been overly critical in the past. I cover friendship etiquette when it comes to disliking your bestie's partner, when to express yourself, and most importantly, when not to. Trigger warning: This episode contains themes and topics related to domestic abuse. 00:36 Juicy Episode: Relationship Themes
02:03 Friendship Failures and Realizations
02:31 Toxic Friendships and Boundaries
09:18 Accepting People for Who They Are
13:06 Empowerment and Grief
17:28 The Concept of Best Friends
22:38 Loneliness and Self-Reflection
27:23 Slut Shaming and Female Sexuality
30:18 Exploring Sexual Desires and Emotional Connections
31:36 Responsive vs. Spontaneous Arousal
33:24 Defending Personal Sexual Choices
35:41 Judgment and Self-Reflection
37:36 Friendship Boundaries and Emotional Support
46:47 Dealing with Friends in Abusive Relationships
54:05 Lessons Learned and Moving Forward
54:51 Upcoming Episode Teaser
In this emotional Lonely Clam segment, I remember my brother Isaiah, who passed away five years ago. He was my Irish twin, Aries brother, and soulmate. I share the pain of my loss, my journey through grief and sobriety, and the reality of the hardships Isaiah faced in his life. Featuring input from his loved ones, we celebrate his humor and love for anyone he has ever met. This episode is raw and deeply personal, and it touches on heavy themes that may be triggering for some, including suicide and drug addiction. I do not own the rights to the music or lyrics featured in this episode.
00:00 Introduction and Isaiah
01:59 Memories of Isaiah
03:14 Isaiah's Musical Talent
04:15 Social Media and Grief
08:14 Sibling Bond and Responsibility
21:29 Struggles with Addiction
30:20 Final Moments and Reflections
45:30 Coping with Loss and Unwanted Messages
46:24 Navigating Grief and Unsolicited Advice
49:09 The Struggle with Suicidal Thoughts
59:19 Connecting with Isaiah Through Mediums
01:02:53 Family Reflections and Regrets
01:04:06 Isaiah's Personal Belongings and Journals
01:08:36 The Impact of Isaiah's Death and Personal Growth
01:19:17 Memories and Reflections from Family Members
01:27:53 The Early Stages of Grief and Sobriety
01:30:23 Empathy and Vulnerability
01:31:03 A Turning Point: Quitting the sex Industry
01:31:54 Panic Attacks and Overstimulation
01:35:10 Coping Mechanisms and Healing
01:37:20 Spirituality and Dreams
01:43:56 Memories and Reflections
01:52:02 Humor and Lighthearted Moments
01:59:02 A Tribute to Isaiah
02:08:58 Final Thoughts and Gratitude
On this episode of Clam Slam, we finally get to meet my longtime friend Emma! We walk down memory lane and look into each other’s eyes while doing it. We dive into their new life as a scholar, where Emma talks about their discoveries of forest nerds, plant gods, volcanoes, and other sciency shit. We also discuss the importance of school in Emma’s life and how slow and steady has been winning the race. This episode was stupid fun and so educational.
00:10 Meet Emma: A Lifelong Friendship
00:32 Childhood Memories and Rivalries
01:21 Escaping Home: Finding Solace in Friendship
03:44 Emma's Impact and Episode Highlights
05:28 Nostalgic Conversations and Funny Stories
06:13 School Memories and Legendary Encounters
08:02 Gift Exchange and Sentimental Moments
12:54 Body Positivity and Personal Preferences
25:35 Environmental Science and Indigenous Practices
36:04 Farming Realities and Off-Grid Dreams
42:32 Study Abroad: Chile and El Salvador
46:04 Invasive Species and Ecosystem Disruption
46:35 Unique Research Experience in Chile
47:17 Living on a Volcano
51:38 Backpacking Challenges and Triumphs
52:24 Exploring El Salvador
01:05:27 Environmental Conservation Tips
01:12:02 Pursuing Education and Personal Growth
01:26:56 Podcast Promotion and Closing Remarks
01:30:28 Preview of Next Episode
In this deep (I’ll show you deep) and personal episode of Clam Slam the Lonely Clam, I share a raw (just walking into the jokes at this point) unscripted brainstorming session where I confront the realities of financial struggles, depression, and fears for the future. At the core of the episode is a hope that my hard work and perseverance will eventually pay off despite the uncertainty and struggles. This prayer is not just about ambition, but a plea for stability, mental peace, and a brighter future. Ultimately, I want my audience to understand that it's normal to struggle, feel lost, and not have all the answers — we are all just trying to lay pipe- for our foundations, perverts. 00:00 Introduction to Clam Slam the Lonely Clam
00:43 Brainstorming Session Insights
02:43 Reflections on Personal Growth
03:54 The Struggles of Daily Life
06:37 Experiences from a Trip to L.A.
09:17 Conversations and Connections
15:37 The Importance of Taking Risks
30:02 Financial Wisdom and Future Planning
33:37 Striving for Authenticity
34:41 Moving Away from Kansas City
36:55 The Importance of Talking About Money
39:09 Networking and Career Goals
43:08 Balancing Work and Personal Life
46:46 Dealing with Mental Health Struggles
52:26 Taking Risks and Facing Challenges
01:01:43 Concluding Thoughts
In this Clam Slam episode of Season 2, I’m joined by my roommate Larissa for an unfiltered, Aries-powered conversation that dives into how certain aspects of feminism can be toxic, the dynamics of the male gaze, and the subtleties of dating in this climax—I mean climate (because let’s be honest, the mark is often missed). We chat about everything from heated email debates with property management to how subliminal messages helped Larissa meet an English prince. (Just kidding, but he was a gentleman with great hair.) Larissa also shares her journey into the tech world through videography, and how she broke into DJing. Our dynamic brings plenty of energy as we dive into self-love, relationship patterns, career growth, and more—all with raw honesty and humor.
00:00 Introduction and Warm-Up
00:07 Introducing Larissa: First Impressions
01:16 Larissa's Influence and Podcast Beginnings
02:06 Freedom of Speech and Controversial Topics
03:53 Harmonizing and Technical Setup
05:43 Who is Larissa?
06:44 Male Gaze and Feminine Dynamics
10:31 Modern Feminism and Gender Roles
19:50 Roommate Dynamics and Personal Growth
31:31 Subliminal Messages and Self-Worth
38:18 Self-Love and Avoiding Pedestals
39:26 Reciprocation in Relationships
39:43 Chasing and Attachment Styles
40:48 Therapy and Self-Help Resources
43:23 Cancel Culture and Social Dynamics
44:13 Modern Feminism and Equality
44:58 Recognizing Patterns in Relationships
46:50 Roommate Etiquette and Communication
56:15 Creating Opportunities and Career Growth
01:07:07 Utilizing AI and Cultivating Skills
01:11:38 Consistency and Overcoming Setbacks
01:13:39 Embracing the Process and Final Thoughts