How do you introduce chastity to your partner without them "running for the hills"? For "Alan," a longtime chastity enthusiast, this conversation has been a series of "crashes and burns."

He'd come in like a "bull in a china shop," treat his partner as a "kink dispenser," or get lost in fantasy vs. reality

In this episode of Soul Kink Therapy, we discover the real reason his attempts fail: he's only telling half the story

Using an Internal Family Systems (IFS) process, we uncover the core wound behind his desire: a deep-seated fear of being "invisible."

We then role-play the wrong way (and the right way) to have this conversation, moving from manipulation to authentic, vulnerable devotion.

This is a masterclass in kink communication, how to ask a partner to be your keyholder, and the "Kink Paraphrasing" technique.

0:00 - Intro: Kink, Devotion & Liberation1:00 - Welcome Alan: How to Introduce Chastity to a Partner2:20 - Alan's Reframe: Chastity as a "Gift"3:45 - Host Clarifies: "What is Chastity?" (The Cage & Key)5:10 - Alan's First Experience (His "Awakening")7:15 - "Am I Still a Guy to Want This?" (Internal Battles)8:30 - Chastity as a Tool for "Focus"9:30 - The Connection: "You Become Literally Devoted"10:45 - The Big Mistakes: "Bull in a China Shop"11:30 - The "Kink Dispenser" & "Fantasy vs. Reality"12:45 - Obsessing Over the Kink13:30 - "What Are You Chasing?"14:15 - IFS Process: "Internal Family Systems"15:30 - The "Bubbly" Creature: "It Wants to Be Noticed"17:00 - The Core Wound: "Fear of Being Invisible"20:00 - Alan's Reaction: "Tense"21:15 - Why You're Only Telling Half the Story (The Wound)22:30 - "It Lands Square in the Face"24:15 - Last Time He Introduced It25:40 - "If You Don't Share, It's Curtains" (The Most Important Rule)28:00 - Role-Play: Alan's (Bad) Attempt30:00 - Deconstructing the Bad Role-Play (It's a Performance)31:30 - "It's Manipulative"32:45 - The Barbed-Wire Fence Analogy (Protecting the Wound)34:30 - The "Gift" vs. "Transactional" (Serving vs. Controlling)37:00 - "You Neglect to See the Other Person"39:00 - The Good Role-Play: Emily's Example42:00 - The "Kink Paraphrasing" Technique44:00 - "Say the Words"45:00 - Letting the Other Person Have the Floor46:00 - Final Thoughts & Wrap-up48:00 - Final Blessing for Alan50:00 - That's It for Soul Kink Therapy51:00 - Pre-recorded Outro / Call to Action (Free Course)

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What happens when a 12-year marriage ends and you have to rediscover who you are? For many, the journey to finding their authentic self is confusing, but for my client Tree, it led him to kink.

In this episode of Soul Kink Therapy, my former client Tree shares his powerful story of post-divorce healing. We discuss his journey from a self-described "goopy people-pleaser" suppressing his desires to a balanced, authentic man who found his purpose. Tree talks openly about healing shame from his conservative Asian background, using conscious kink to find self-love, and the process of discovering his own dominant energy after identifying as a submissive for years.

This is a must-watch for anyone navigating a new chapter, healing from a breakup, or looking to reconcile their "kinky self" with their "authentic self."

0:00 - 1:19 - Welcome Tree: A Client's Journey After Divorce1:20 - 3:49 - Where Tree Was: Post-Divorce, Purposeless, & Kink Shame3:50 - 5:49 - Blindsided by Divorce: Losing His Purpose5:50 - 8:44 - Suppressing His Authentic Self (and Kink) in Marriage8:45 - 11:39 - "Topping from the Bottom": An Inauthentic Submissive Dynamic11:40 - 14:14 - Losing His Identity & Post-Divorce Rebellion (Pro-Doms)14:15 - 16:14 - Realizing He Needed "Something Deeper" Than Shallow Kink16:15 - 17:59 - The Role of ADHD in His Journey18:00 - 20:59 - Why Kink Felt Like "Connection"21:00 - 23:14 - The "Creatures": Confronting and Loving the "Worst" Parts23:15 - 26:39 - Conscious Kink as a "Parade" for Trauma26:40 - 28:59 - What is a "Container"? (Kink & Exposure Therapy)29:00 - 32:39 - From "Goopy People Pleaser" to "Present" (Flow State & Meditation)32:40 - 35:19 - Learning Containment vs. Penetration Energy35:20 - 38:29 - Finding His Dominant Side: The 50/50 Switch38:30 - 40:09 - The Kink Imbalance: More Male Subs than Female Doms40:10 - 43:39 - How Self-Love Changed His Dating Energy43:40 - 45:29 - Meeting His New Partner (A Fellow "Switch")45:30 - 46:59 - "Creepiness is Desire That is Unowned"47:00 - 48:09 - How Kink Works in His New, Healthy Relationship48:10 - 50:14 - The Biggest Lesson: Finding Purpose in Himself50:15 - 53:29 - Healing the "Provider" Wound (Asian & Male Identity)53:30 - 54:19 - Kink as a "Bait and Switch" for Self-Work54:20 - 55:10 - How Being Biracial (Asian/Native) Shows Up55:11 - 56:20 - Reframing Identity as a "Superpower" & Final Advice

Welcome back to Soul Kink Therapy! In this incredibly special episode, I'm welcoming my former client.

For over a decade, he lived a secret double life as a submissive man, seeing professional dominants while maintaining a “good person” facade in his everyday world.

He joins me today to share his profound journey of coming out as kinky, navigating the painful end of a long-term marriage due to secrecy and shame, and ultimately finding liberation through our therapeutic kink work together.

We dive deep into the initial thrill and fear of exploring kink, the unexpected bedrock of truth he found in a long-term relationship with his Dom. The earth-shattering moment he realized that the parts of himself he'd hidden away—the aggressive, dominant parts—were not only acceptable but deeply desired.

He shares his experience of moving from being completely disconnected from his body and emotions to embracing the full spectrum of his being, including the deliciousness of becoming a switch.

This is a powerful testament to the healing potential of kink when approached with intention and courage.

00:00 - 03:00 - Welcome to Soul Kink Therapy with Thomas Covenant03:00 - 07:15 - Thomas's Early Kink Discoveries & The Need to Escape07:15 - 10:45 - The Journey into Seeing Pro-Doms & Meeting His Goddess10:45 - 14:10 - The Bedrock of Truth: The Long-Term Dom/Sub Relationship14:10 - 17:15 - Kink as Truth vs. Theater: A Key Distinction17:15 - 20:40 - The "Good Person" Trap: Hiding the Authentic Self20:40 - 25:35 - Coming Out as Kinky: Facing the Fear of Rejection25:35 - 30:50 - The Painful Process of Honesty & Ending a Marriage30:50 - 33:15 - Finding Therapeutic Kink Support (How Thomas Found Emily)33:15 - 37:35 - The Shock of Embodiment: Feeling Emotions for the First Time37:35 - 41:10 - Unpacking the Fear of Dominance & The "Inner Asshole"41:10 - 45:15 - The Earth-Shattering Moment: Realizing Aggression Can Be Desired45:15 - 47:45 - Integrating the Inner Dom: Meeting "Avi" (My Father)47:45 - 51:25 - The Deliciousness of Being a Switch: Steak vs. Dessert51:25 - 55:25 - Thomas's Advice: Put Yourself at Risk (Safely)55:25 - 56:47 - Final Thoughts & How to Get Support

Welcome back to Soul Kink Therapy. In this deeply moving episode, I sit down with Liv Wickedly, who bravely offers her victim mindset—specifically the pattern of waiting to be rescued—onto the altar for transformation.

Liv shares her journey into conscious kink and ethical non-monogamy after leaving a heteronormative marriage, including the burnout experienced in a toxic dynamic where she first explored dominance.

Using the powerful modality of Internal Family Systems (IFS), often called "parts work," within a therapeutic kink container, we embark on a journey inward.

Liv meets several distinct parts of herself: Genevieve, the playful protector deflecting seriousness; Little Liv, the inner child burdened by the fear of getting in trouble; Grayson, the suave protector who keeps things fun but distant; and Lori, an embodiment of ancestral weight and exhaustion.

Through gentle dialogue and somatic awareness, we witness a profound healing conversation and integration, reframing these parts not as problems, but as valuable protectors with wisdom to share.

This session beautifully illustrates how IFS can clean out our inner "home," allowing us to step more fully into reclaiming confidence and conscious power.

00:00 - 04:15 - Intro: Soul Kink Therapy with Liv Wickedly04:15 - 08:30 - Liv's Journey: Kink, ENM, and Burnout08:30 - 11:15 - Offering to the Altar: Releasing the Victim Mindset11:15 - 14:20 - Somatic Exploration: What Does Being Rescued Feel Like?14:20 - 18:05 - Meeting a Protector: Genevieve the Water Dragon18:05 - 24:10 - Meeting the Inner Child: Little Liv & Fear of Getting in Trouble24:10 - 31:00 - Meeting Another Protector: Grayson the Suave Vampire31:00 - 38:55 - Meeting an Ancestral Part: Lori (Young Mother)38:55 - 46:30 - Healing the Inner Child: A Conversation Between Lori & Little Liv46:30 - 51:10 - Integration: Reframing Parts as Protectors & Gifts51:10 - 53:30 - The Dom as a Portal & Accessing Protector Energy53:30 - 56:47 - How to Find Liv Wickedly & Final Thoughts

In this powerful episode of Soul Kink Therapy, our guest "Sam" (voice altered for confidentiality) shares his vulnerable journey with this exact question. For his entire life, Sam has been drawn to gender play, cross-dressing, and chastity, but has always presented as a cis man.

We discuss the controversial term "autogynophilia," the fear of losing his long-term partner, and the feeling of anhedonia (lack of joy) he experiences in his male identity. As a therapeutic kink practitioner, I help Sam explore the complex spectrum between gender play and gender identity, reframing his male presentation as its own form of "drag."

This session dives deep into using kink as somatic therapy and "creature work" to bypass the logical mind and discover one's authentic self.

0:00 - 1:00 - Guest Intro (Sam): Autogynophilia & The Core Question1:01 - 2:09 - Welcome to Soul Kink Therapy: Gender Play vs. Being Trans2:10 - 4:04 - Sam's Story: Earliest Memories of Cross-Dressing (Mother's Bra)4:05 - 5:39 - Discovering Kink: Chastity, Bondage, & Language5:40 - 7:29 - The "Autogynophilia" Theory (And Why It's Repugnant)7:30 - 8:54 - Sam's "Halfway House": Is It Kink or Something More?8:55 - 11:44 - Honoring Sam's Sensitivity & Gender as a Spectrum11:45 - 13:09 - The Difference Between Cross-Dressing and Drag13:10 - 13:44 - "We Made All This Up": Gender as a Construct13:45 - 14:59 - Question: What is Your Relationship With Masculinity?15:00 - 18:44 - Feeling "Invisible" as a Man & Envying Female Attention18:45 - 20:30 - "It's Bullshit That Men Aren't Given Opportunities to Play"20:31 - 21:49 - Question: Do You Find Dressing as a Man Oppressive?21:50 - 24:09 - The "Magic Button" Test & The Fear of Losing His Partner24:10 - 27:14 - Devotion, Intimacy, and "Rigorous Honesty" in His Relationship27:15 - 28:44 - Identifying with Anhedonia (Lack of Joy)28:45 - 29:19 - Emily's Reframe: Anhedonia as a Sign of Oppression29:20 - 32:19 - What is a "Trauma Response"? (Sam's vs. Emily's Definition)32:20 - 33:14 - Kink as Somatic Therapy (Bypassing the Logical Mind)33:15 - 34:59 - Emily's Core Reframe: "You Are in Drag as a Man"35:00 - 36:09 - Sam's Reaction: "Intimidated by the Weight of Responsibility"36:10 - 38:39 - "Slow This Fucking Train Down" (Addressing the Fear)38:40 - 40:09 - Creature Work: Identifying "Apprehension" in the Body40:10 - 42:29 - Sam's Creature: "A Moth Pinned to a Board"42:30 - 44:29 - Sam's Doubt: "I Can't Square It With How I Feel"44:30 - 45:59 - Emily's Bias: "I Am an Extreme Player" (Using the Body)46:00 - 48:14 - The Action Plan: Structured Play ("Putting on a Timer")48:15 - 49:29 - "Does She Have a Name?" (The Feminine Identity)49:30 - 51:24 - How to Find Answers: Create a "Scene" & Ask Her51:25 - 52:19 - Wrapping Up the "Emotional Roller Coaster"52:20 - 53:59 - Emily's Final Blessing: "You Have All The Answers"54:00 - 56:47 - Outro & Podcast Call to Action (Leave a Review)

Welcome to the very first episode of Soul Kink Therapy. Today, I am honored to welcome Jenny Raven, a UK-based cross-dresser and erotica author, for a deeply vulnerable conversation about what it means to live a double life.

In this session, Jenny shares their lifelong journey, from the earliest childhood memories of wanting to be a girl to the shame and secrecy that forced their feminine identity, Jenny, into hiding for years. We explore how writing erotica became an outlet and a way for Jenny to finally have a voice. This is a raw and honest look at the pain of the "invisible masculine," the trauma that can shape our identities, and the powerful, healing nature of kink when approached with intention.

The conversation culminates in a beautiful and emotional moment as I witness Jenny Raven reveal their true self visually for the first time in a public-facing forum. We then move through a therapeutic embodiment practice to help Jenny fully step into her being. This is a profound story of courage, self-discovery, and the liberation that comes from finally speaking your truth.

00:00 - 02:45 - Welcome to Soul Kink Therapy with Jenny Raven

02:45 - 05:40 - Jenny's Earliest Memories of Wanting to Be a Girl

05:40 - 09:15 - A Double Life: Hiding in the Closet & Writing Erotica

09:15 - 12:00 - "Am I Normal?" - Exploring the Cross-Dresser Experience

12:00 - 15:10 - The Pain of the "Invisible Masculine"

15:10 - 18:05 - The Childhood Trauma That Locked Jenny Away

18:05 - 20:30 - The Reveal: Meeting Jenny Raven

20:30 - 24:10 - An Embodiment Practice to Welcome Jenny

24:10 - 29:30 - Exploring Jenny's Desires & Triggers

29:30 - 33:15 - The Power of Voice: An Instruction from Jenny

33:15 - 37:25 - Unblocking the Voice & Healing the Inner Child

37:25 - 41:10 - A Message of Hope: "Speak Your Truth Now"

41:10 - 54:18 - How to Find Jenny Raven & Final Thoughts

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