People who tell you to be grateful when you’re unhappy are more harmful than helpful. They are making you even more unhappy, and making you feel guilty for feeling ungrateful. Don't listen to people who have no idea what you are going through. Don't force yourself to be grateful. Instead, feel your pain, feel your suffering, feel your sadness. Don't skip that and go straight to feeling grateful. Don't count your blessings when you are not ready. Gratitude is not something you do, or something that can be forced. That's fake gratitude that doesn't last. Real gratitude comes only when you heal yourself, or when you are on a spiritual journey of healing. If you rely on counting your blessings or think about all the things to be grateful for, it doesn't necessarily last. No external comfort, or circumstance can make you grateful for long. It’s temporary. To be happy, and to love yourself, stop listening to others, and listen to yourself. Listen to your body. If you’re in pain, feel it. If you’re suffering, feel it. If you're sad, feel it. Don’t listen to toxic positivity from people who have no idea what you are going through. Healing can only happen if you face all the demons and banish them from your life. Then gratitude comes easily.
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Have you been told to be the “bigger person”? Have you been told that you’re selfish for refusing to be the punching bag? And do you feel guilty for walking away? Scapegoats have been trained to be everyone's punching bag and trashcan since childhood. Of course you would feel guilty for refusing to continue. You need to recalibrate your thinking. Wanting to be heard, wanting respect for how you feel is the bare minimum! Stop taking the advice of those that tell you to be "the bigger person" when they mean keep quiet and be a doormat. Scapegoats are generational curse breakers. Scapegoats break the cycle of abuse in dysfunctional families. That is what it means to be the bigger person. Not a doormat, or one to take abuse in silence. Scapegoats rise from punching bags to generational curse breakers. Website
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I've been asked many times, how do we love ourselves? What does self love feel like? I went through a very long and hard journey, a lot of self reflection and deep questioning. And I want to tell you that you don't have to re-tramatize yourself over and over or go through the same abuse from different people again and again. You don't have to beat yourself up or re-live past trauma in order to understand what you went through. However, you still have to revisit your past to acknowledge it, feel it, learn not to judge it, and then let it go. Otherwise, trauma will stay stuck in your body and history will repeat itself. You will be stuck in the same cycle of abuse. Same scenario, only different people. Abuse lives in a toxic environment. Even if you cut the tumour out, the environment will create new tumours. It's extremely hard to learn to love yourself in a toxic environment. So you have to change your environment in the physical world as well as internally and spiritually. You can leave a toxic environment and create a new life for yourself in an instant if you have a genuine desire to, the determination and courage to see it through. You will lose friends and family who do not want the dynamic to change, who want the same familiar patterns of behaviour no matter how toxic and limiting. They want you to stay in the role they are most comfortable with. Your evolution and personal growth will unsettle them. It will trigger them by shedding light on their demons. It will stir up their fears, insecurities, and make them even more resistant to change. You are doing nothing wrong. It is not selfish or arrogant. Stay true to your path, honour your growth. Be proud of your own authenticity. It's a lonely journey, do not give up, because there is much to gain by losing. Music: Aesthetics Musician: SoulProdMusic URL: https://pixabay.com/music/-aesthetics...
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Have you been gaslighted and manipulated to confusion? Do you have contradictory thoughts about who you are? Do you struggle with decision making and knowing what you want? Do you fee guilty for being happy? Are there always voices in your head ridiculing you and condemning every move you make? Website If you'd like to support my channel Letters to my goddaughter Stop all that now. Here's how to end self doubt. Make decisions with confidence. With no self doubt. Be confident in every choice you take, every decision you make. Self doubt is put into you by others. Self doubt is the voice of others. It is not your own voice. Yours is the voice of your soul which never doubts you. It loves you and is always guiding you. Music: Aesthetics Musician: SoulProdMusic URL: https://pixabay.com/music/-aesthetics...
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Covert narcissism, narcissistic abuse and scapegoating are under-researched. Many therapists, psychologists and mental health clinicians don't know much about covert narcissism and scapegoat abuse. As a result they re-traumatize the client over and over. They do not understand the insidious nature of scapegoat abuse, especially from a covert narcissist. Scapegoating can happen in any dysfunctional family, not only in narcissistic families. If you suspect you're a scapegoat suffering narcissistic abuse or abuse from a dysfunctional family, here are some tips to help you choose the right therapist or mental health clinician. Do not fall into the trap of unethical therapists or therapists that are not experts at narcissistic and scapegoat abuse.
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Beware of scams. Meditation is simple. Meditation is about clarity of mind. It's about clearing past baggage and thoughts of the future so we can receive messages from our higher self. Here I give you a 2-step tutorial on how to do it. When we don't complicate the concept of meditation, and when we don't put gurus and spiritual "experts" on the pedestal, simple meditation clears your mind so you have a direct connection to your Higher Self. When your mind is clear, all the answers will come to you. When all the answers come to you, you can manifest easily.
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When you love someone, nothing you do for them feels like a sacrifice. Sacrifice is one of the most barren, self-pitying and self-aggrandising words. And when said, it puts a huge burden on the other person, and guilt-trips them. Plus, it makes the person saying it sound like a dumbass. A sacrifice is when you’re forced to sit on top of your husband’s funeral pyre so his soul can be cleansed. Jesus sacrificed his life so our sins can be erased. Whatever you’re doing for someone else, enjoy the fact that you’re making them happy. Don’t think of it as a sacrifice. Unless what makes the person happy is to harm you, in which case, don’t try to enjoy it. Walk away and show them the middle finger instead. Do everything with delight. Know that whatever is there for you, is for you to enjoy, without being guilt tripped that someone made a sacrifice for you.
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You’ve suffered for most of your life as a scapegoat. You stuck with them, you were loyal, you tried so hard to help them, tried so hard to have a healthy relationship with them. Tried so hard to protect them from each other. Don’t you deserve at least some financial compensation?
Some considerations of staying in a toxic and dysfunctional family versus leaving for good: If you stay because you deserve your share of the pie, you’ll have to play their dysfunctional game. You’ll have to outsmart the dysfunctional people. Can you? Are you willing to invest more time and energy into this toxic dysfunction? Are you strong enough to play a game on their turf, by their rules?
The flying monkeys and enablers are on the side of the abusers. They are following the money. They will never support you. If you leave, you have to be extremely focused on your healing, on those who do love you, focus on raising your spiritual vibration to an even higher level. So that you can shift your reality to a better one. So you can attract better people and life circumstances. Either scenario is possible, but both are difficult. Which would you choose? If you’ve tried your best, and they continue to ostracize you, don’t see it as losing something, see it as the universe pushing you out of a morally bankrupt environment. Scapegoats have two choices - die or fly. Is the possibility of losing your inheritance worth your mental, spiritual and physical health? Music: Aesthetics Musician: SoulProdMusic URL: https://pixabay.com/music/-aesthetics-138637/ #inheritance #scapegoat #flyingmonkeys #narcissisticgaslighting #narcissisticenablers #enablers #dysfunctionalfamily #spiritualawakening #blacksheep #emotionalabuse #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #scapegoatrecovery #recovery #recoveryjourney #spiritualjourney #selfrespect #selfrespectvideo
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Substack Reconciliation or even trying to explain to a Golden Child your reality as a Scapegoat is challenging. They have been brainwashed and manipulated for too long. Narcissistic or dysfunctional parents triangulate their children and pit them against each other, making them compete for the parents' love and attention. The Scapegoat is targeted because they are strong willed, intelligent, empathic and compassionate truth seekers. The narcissistic parent hates these good qualities. So they brainwash the Golden Child sibling into hating the Scapegoat as well. They tell lies about the Scapegoat and project their own bad character onto the Scapegoat. The Golden Child believes every lie. The Golden Child is the weaker of the two, and is easy to manipulate and control. The adult Golden Child and Scapegoat siblings are usually estranged, with little hope of reconciliation. The Golden Child is far too brainwashed to wake up from the narrative fed to them. Their experience in the dysfunctional family is very different from the Scapegoat's experiences. If they don't manage to get together and compare notes, the Golden Child will never know the truth. The Scapegoat's reputation was already ruined by the narcissistic or dysfunctional parent when they were young children. Music: AestheticsMusician: SoulProdMusicURL: https://pixabay.com/music/-aesthetics-138637/ #goldenchild #estrangement #dysfunctionalfamily #narcissisticfamily #scapegoat #blacksheep #spiritualawakening #spirituality #brainwashing #scapegoating #emotionalabuse #siblings #siblingsinnarcissisticfamily #siblingsindysfunctionalfamily #estrangedsiblings #nocontact
This is a true story of 2 people I knew who died from scapegoat abuse. The purpose of this podcast is to create awareness of the dangers of this invisible abuse. So if you think you're a scapegoat, please seek help from a professional therapist who is knowledgable and experienced in this type of abuse. This is also to educate those that are unaware of how insidious and horrific this type of abuse is so they don’t enable the abusers, or better still, so they can offer emotional support of any kind to someone, especially a child, who’s being scapegoated.
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Forgiveness is over-rated. Everyone tells you to forgive. That's BS. It's spiritual bypassing. Forgiveness is not an act, it's not something you do. Forgiveness comes naturally and effortlessly when you take care of yourself. When you make the effort to heal yourself. For yourself. So stop trying to forgive.
Today I want to tell you a story that will stay in my mind for the rest of my life. I was on my way to the Taj Mahal, walking along the busy streets of Agra. The distinct smell of India, hot masala chai, golden deep-fried puri, cloves, aniseed, curry leaves, jasmine, sandalwood, the smell of decay and rotting garbage. Dogs, pigs, donkeys, peacocks adding to the already crowded streets. Cows lying in the middle of the road, the rattling of bells on anything that moves, the endless honking of traffic. Here, beauty surpasses ugliness and ugliness surpasses beauty. I think because India contains the polarities of life it offers us a glimpse into ourselves. I find India beautiful not only because of the physical beauty of its buildings, art, and the richness of its ancient culture, but that it tells the truth, in all its beauty and ugliness. True beauty is not superficial. It’s a mess, a tangle of both beauty and ugliness.
My heart skipped a beat when I saw the first shimmering whiteness of the Taj Mahal in the distance. I wanted to prolong this anticipation so I stopped to grab a bite at a food stall.
There was this street kid of about 10 stood nearby, watching me. She was in dirty rags. Her hair was thick and grey with dust. Every time I looked at her she lowered her eyes and concentrated very hard on peeling her orange. Finally when she glanced at me, I smiled and teasingly stretched out my palm to her, just like all the other street kids that had done that to me asking for money. Without hesitation she split her orange, and placed one half onto my palm.
When I got to the Taj Mahal I couldn’t help wondering if this most stunning and elegant declaration of love in history would’ve been so lovely if it hadn’t been for that half an orange.
In my travels to places most would consider filthy, ugly and poor, the one thing that struck me more than anything else was always this – I didn’t return to my comfortable life thinking how lucky I was. It wasn’t that I was ungrateful for what I had, but what kept nagging at me, always at the back of my mind throughout the years, was, what is the secret of these people’s peace of mind and happiness despite having so little?
Now I know. They never drank the Kool-Aid.
When you don’t have a mountain heap of money, no mansion in Monte Carlo, when your clothes are 20 years old and have seen 2 cycles of fashion come backs, when on some days you might even struggle to pay the bills, and yet most days regardless of circumstances, you feel that you have more than enough, you have stopped drinking the Kool-Aid. You have found yourself. And you’re no longer a part of this global scam. And ironically, abundance will come your way. Why do think that is? Because you know how to handle it without losing yourself.
We all knew as very young children, what our purpose in life is. So it’s not about searching for your purpose. Rather, discovering it by peeling off all of society’s conditioning, peer pressure, family expectations, of all words that limit the inner knowing of your purpose. Our programming and conditioning are the shackles that bind us to small ideas, small concepts, small understandings of this big big thing that’s our soul. When you peel away all the ideas and other people’s opinions, you will discover that your purpose in life is just to be you. All else will fall into place. Your purpose in life is to just be you, because you are unique. There’s nobody on earth who is exactly like you. Why? Because this is how the world works. Everything is in equilibrium if each of us is being our authentic selves. Chaos happens when we’re not being ourselves. This is evident in everything we see around us. The ecosystem for example. We thrive on diversity. Look at monoculture and the chaos it brings to the ecosystem. We’re not made to be the same. Your purpose in this world is to be uniquely you. It’s that simple. But, who are you?
Here are some headlines on my feed the other day:
"Why highly successful people are prone to depression."
"Highly successful people are at higher risk for depression."
"Why the super-successful get depressed."
Doesn't this sound ludicrous to you? Senseless, weird, odd, strange? Or is it just me? What nonsense is this? We need to re-define what success means in today’s society.
Success is subjective, of course. However, too many people are so caught up in society’s idea of success that we often forget that personal success is the only one that’s truly sustainable.
Here are a few ways to assure you that you are truly successful. If you resonate with most of them, you should be very happy.
1. You feel gratitude for the simplest things.
2. You know yourself and you don’t fear revealing who you are.
3. You have peace of mind. 4. You have a genuine intention to be a good person.
5. You’re self-aware.
6. You’ve fallen more times than you can remember, and each time you fall you get right back up without compromising on your principles.
7. You are constantly learning about yourself. You don’t rush to improve. You accept that you’ll always be work in progress.
8. You don’t harm people and animals, you’re not careless about the welfare of the planet and people around you.
9. You take care of yourself, you eat well and you take enough rest. You don’t need fancy food or clothes to be happy.
10. You don’t put up a façade to show people a favorable image of yourself. You reveal your real self because you have nothing to hide or fear.
11. Truth that’s unacknowledged, or kept hidden, poisons us slowly. Insidiously. You know that the truth, whether you’re seeking it or revealing it, really does set you free.
12. You take accountability for your choices and actions. You make the most with the cards you were dealt with without whining about how unfair life is.
13. You don’t envy anyone, or resent them for appearing better off than you or luckier than you.
14. You forgive, not because people say you should, but because you really do see the silver lining in the harm done to you. And therefore, your act of forgiveness is actually gratitude.
15. You have faith in something bigger than yourself. And you surrender to that faith. You see God, the universe, source energy, or a higher being, not as your savior, not as your boss that’s here to judge and punish you, but as a partner. This partnership is where you do your part, and then you surrender to the faith that God universe will do their part.
16 You’re doing what you truly love and believe in, and you have faith that you can earn a comfortable living doing it.
So you see, society’s idea of success is so effed up. How can success ever be anything but bring you peace of mind, contentment, and enjoyment of everyday simple things that are quite frankly, miraculous. These simple things assure us all the time, what sustainable and healthy success is.
If you resonate with most of what I’ve said, be happy. Be very happy!
Have a great week ahead, and I’ll see you soon.
Some of us will continue to perpetuate the cycle of anger, hate, fear and destruction. And the cycle will continue. But for some the time has come for us to turn those emotions into something more powerful. When all external avenues have been exhausted I hope we turn inwards to fight our internal battles and cleanse ourselves spiritually. To heal the world all we have to do is heal ourselves. I know it doesn't seem like much, and it sure doesn't look heroic or proactive but it's the most generous and powerful thing we can do. There are two paths we can take. Miracles can happen if we choose the right path. Because when we heal ourselves, we heal the world.
The new year tradition of cleaning your home, re-organising your cabinets, giving away things you don’t need, those are not just physical cleansing. They’re metaphorical cleansing as well. Yes it’s good to have a clean environment to live in, but most people stop there, thinking that their external environment is all there is.
We need to cleanse our inner world too. Here are 6 ways to wipe off unwanted influences.
1. People who are always there for you when you’re down but not when you’ve recovered, or when you’re happy. Be grateful that they were there at your lowest points. Thank them in your prayers, but move on. Don’t miss the friendship or relationship because it's likely that they enjoyed your misery. They could be living in a low vibrational place that loves drama and complaining about how wretched life is. And they found a perfect partner in you. When you rise above it, they don’t want to follow.
2. People who always pull you down with negative opinions. Follow your intuition and it’ll always lead you to a better spiritual place, and that includes mistakes. Nobody except you knows what’s best for you. And the only thing that can guide you on this is your intuition. Trust yourself. Trust yourself blindly.
3. People who never text or call you unless you reach out to them. Stop doing this and see how long the silence lasts. If they don’t check on you, strike them off. This creates space for people who appreciate you. This will support your spiritual growth.
4. Be yourself and say exactly what you mean. Sometimes friendships and relationships are maintained because you play a role that suits them. Be yourself for a change and see what happens. Being our authentic selves is the only sustainable way to keep friendships that support our spiritual growth.
5. Give up something. What will you give up in order to free up the space for something more fulfilling and meaningful? Your spiritual energy is your most precious currency. Give up something to make space for something better.
6. The media. Stop participating in online arguments over politics and current events. The media is owned by a handful of powerful people and is curated to allow us to see only what they want us to see, to serve their agenda. Their agenda is to keep us fighting so they can divide and conquer. So, we should stop searching outside for the truth, and instead cleanse ourselves of this. Then, we will see a lot more clearly.
You start with emotional fasting. There's no point in making new year resolutions when we don't flush out the underlying issues.
1. Minimise the time you spend on watching and reading the news. By all means get an overview of what’s going on but don’t indulge. To know what’s going on in the world and to have an objective view of it, we can be more effective in deciding what we can do, or are willing to do. But to indulge will make us unnecessarily sad, angry, frustrated, and distressed. Compassion is empathy and sadness with a limit. When we go over that limit, we cease to be helpful to anyone. Not only that, but it’s harmful to ourselves.
It’s time to examine why we are overly emotional about something. We’ll see a more balance picture about ourselves. When we’re calm, we hear the wisdom inside of us, and our understanding of how the world works, how life works increases because deep down our soul knows everything. We just have to delete all the noise outside.
2. Stop engaging in arguments physically, or on social media. Instead, observe without judging. You’ll have a clearer mind when you observe others. This is because it’s very hard to look at ourselves. I’m not saying to judge others, I’m saying observe them and then relate their behaviour to your own. Very often you’ll see that both sides are arguing from their ego. The ego is the biggest stumbling block to awakening.
After eliminating the external noise, you can absorb positive and healthy emotional nutrients in the coming year. There are just 2 things you need to do. But do them diligently.
1. Treat yourself like you’d treat a good friend. You know they’re not better than you. You know they’re flawed human beings too, and yet you’re kind and compassionate to them. So why don’t you do that for yourself? Why hold yourself to a higher standard?
Imagine you’re that person who’s your good friend. How would you talk to them? How would you advise them laugh with them or take care of them when they need your support? Do that for yourself.
2. Have forward moving internal dialogues with yourself. Acknowledge a mistake you’ve made, and move on to the solution. This has 3 benefits. You’re teaching yourself to be more forgiving. You’re replacing the voices of other people who belittle you, ridicule you or scold you. And thirdly, you're training yourself to see that many mistakes have simple solutions if you stopped focusing on the mistake itself, and instead, on the solution.
So, that’s it. Just do these 4 things. If you do it diligently, I guarantee you your mind will be so clean and spacious, your soul can finally breath. And all the other resolutions will just fall into place effortlessly. Well, over time if course. Just don’t be caught up in the resolutions themselves. Focus on the foundation, which is a clean empty space, that’s where healthy habits grow.
Remember, big changes happen effortlessly when you make the small changes.
All the best. I wish you a Happy, fulfilling and spiritually rewarding 2024!
What if I said you can overcome this without having to change yourself? Because being trusting, generous and kind, are good qualities you don’t want to lose. And yet those are the very qualities that create one disappointment after another.
People who are naïve and trusting have 3 choices.
The path you take will either make you a lifelong doormat, a cynic with a miserable life, or a balanced person who can get the best out of every situation.
I want to share with you a very simple way to remain as you are, keep being trusting, keep being kind and generous, and still protect yourself from these grifters.
One, is to love yourself more.
Two, don't be cynical.
Three, liberation from being a doormat or a cynic. Look at the world for what it is, rather than what you want, or hope for it to be. Look at it without judgment, without emotions. That way you see people for exactly who they are without any negative or positive feelings. It’s just who they are, they’re entitled to that, but you choose not to interact with them. It's not being judgmental. It's being discerning. Cynicism is being suspicious of everyone. But being discerning, is seeing them for who they are, and choosing not to engage. This frees you to engage with people who are genuine.
You don’t have to change a thing about yourself. You just have to be more discerning.
Here are 8 types of people to avoid when you’re going though spiritual awakening. This depends on which stage of the spiritual journey you’re at. If you’re at the beginning, then you should most definitely avoid them, until you’re strong enough to take them on. If you’re not strong enough, you will be pulled down by them. Stay away from them if you want your journey to be a bit smoother.
Spiritual awakening is not a one-time thing. We go through levels of difficulty like playing a video game. So at the beginning, it's best to make sure you are surrounded by people who are supportive rather than those that bring you down.
Here are the 8 types of people who are dangerous for your spiritual awakening:
1. People you care about who don't care about you.
2. Fake people
3. The victim.
4. Skeptics.
5. Gossip mongers.
6. People who can't say No.
7. People who thrive on drama.
8. Habitually negative people.
Now, there is a huge difference between being judgmental and being discerning. How they behave is not our concern. But whether we engage with them is our concern.