Nope! We're Not Monogamous

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Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Ellecia Paine

132 episodes

14 hours ago

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach Ellecia Paine dives into the emotional cost of silence in open relationships and polyamory. If you’ve ever swallowed your truth to keep the peace, or stayed quiet because you were scared of rocking the boat, this conversation will help you find the courage to speak up with honesty and compassion. You’ll learn how to: → Recognize when you’re betraying yourself by staying quiet → Understand the fears that keep you silent in non-m...

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Society & Culture,

Self-Improvement,

Health & Fitness,

All content for Nope! We're Not Monogamous is the property of Ellecia Paine and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach Ellecia Paine dives into the emotional cost of silence in open relationships and polyamory. If you’ve ever swallowed your truth to keep the peace, or stayed quiet because you were scared of rocking the boat, this conversation will help you find the courage to speak up with honesty and compassion. You’ll learn how to: → Recognize when you’re betraying yourself by staying quiet → Understand the fears that keep you silent in non-m...

Show more...

Society & Culture,

Self-Improvement,

Health & Fitness,

Episodes (20/132)

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Pelvic Floors, Orgasms, and Why We Don’t Discriminate Against the Monogamous with Jana Danielson

What if the secret to better sex, stronger orgasms, and more confidence isn’t another relationship hack—but your pelvic floor? This week, I’m joined by Jana Danielson, sensual health and pelvic floor wellness expert, Pilates master instructor, and creator of the Cooch Ball (yes, that’s really what it’s called). Jana and I met in a group for sex-positive professionals, and even though she’s delightfully monogamous—we don’t discriminate against the monogamous here—her work is pure gold for ever...

2 days ago

38 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

The Truth Hurts - But Hiding It Hurts Worse, Ep. 132

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach Ellecia Paine dives into the emotional cost of silence in open relationships and polyamory. If you’ve ever swallowed your truth to keep the peace, or stayed quiet because you were scared of rocking the boat, this conversation will help you find the courage to speak up with honesty and compassion. You’ll learn how to: → Recognize when you’re betraying yourself by staying quiet → Understand the fears that keep you silent in non-m...

1 week ago

38 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Why You Can’t Just Talk Your Way Out of Jealousy in Polyamory (And What Actually Helps) Ep. 131

You’ve read the books. You’ve had the conversations. You’ve tried to journal your way into compersion. So why does your stomach still drop the moment your partner says they’re heading to someone else’s house? In this episode, I’m unpacking the real reason jealousy sticks around in polyamory — even when you've “done the work.” Spoiler alert: it’s not about logic, it’s about your nervous system. We’ll explore: Why jealousy is a felt experience, not a failureThe toxic pressure to be the “chill p...

2 weeks ago

33 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Rewriting Your Relationship Code: Ditching the Defaults for Real Freedom, Ep. 130

Are you stuck running relationship patterns you never consciously chose? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m breaking down how to identify the default “rules” you inherited about love, sex, and partnership, and how to rewrite them so your relationships actually work for YOU. So many of us grew up believing myths like: “If you’re really in love, you won’t be attracted to anyone else.”“To be a good partner, you have to want everything your partner wants.”“Jealousy means love.”The...

1 month ago

17 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Relationship Anxiety in Polyamory: It’s Not Just You, Ep. 129

Are you polyamorous and anxious? Does your chest tighten every time your partner mentions a new crush? Are you constantly asking yourself, “Why am I feeling this way if I chose non-monogamy?” You’re not broken and you’re definitely not alone. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach and recovering bathroom-floor-cryer Ellecia Paine (that’s me 👋) breaks down: Why relationship anxiety is so common in non-monogamyThe real roots of jealousy (hint: it’s not just about your...

1 month ago

25 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

The Polyamory Trap of Finding Different Partners to Fill Different Needs, Ep. 128

Have you ever thought, “If my partner can’t meet all my needs, maybe another partner will”? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I break down why that belief is one of the biggest traps in polyamory and open relationships. We hear it all the time in the ENM community: “No one person can meet all your needs.” That’s true, but when we take it as a free pass to collect partners to fill every emotional gap, it backfires. Instead of feeling fulfilled, we multiply our insecurities, creat...

1 month ago

15 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Polyamory’s Biggest Struggle Isn’t Jealousy — It’s Scheduling, EP. 127

Most people think the toughest part of polyamory is jealousy. But according to Richie, it’s actually… logistics. Yep, the calendar. After a life-changing cancer journey with his partner, Richie realized that the hardest part of opening their relationship wasn’t emotions, it was managing schedules, consent, and privacy across multiple partners. With his background in software product management, he decided to do something about it, and created PYE, a scheduling and consent management app desig...

1 month ago

52 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Midlife, Menopause & Non-Monogamy: Reclaiming Pleasure, Power & Desire with Carla Wainwright EP. 126

What if midlife wasn’t the decline everyone warns you about, but a second spring? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with Carla Wainwright, Holistic Wellness Coach, Sexual Awakening Facilitator, and self-proclaimed Midlife Alchemist. We talk about what really happens to women’s desire, relationships, and identity in midlife, and how it all ties into exploring non-monogamy, polyamory, and rewriting the love scripts we didn’t ask for. Carla shares why: 🔥 Desire evolves wi...

2 months ago

36 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

The Brutal Truth About Open Relationships, Ep. 125

Curious about open relationships but tired of the Instagram highlight reel version? This episode gets real about what it actually takes to make non-monogamy work — the messy feelings, the constant negotiations, and the communication skills you didn’t know you needed until it was too late. As a relationship coach, I’ve seen the glossy fantasy and the gritty reality. Spoiler: opening your relationship isn’t a shortcut to freedom — it’s a crash course in radical honesty, emotional intelligence, ...

2 months ago

32 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Patriarchy and Polyamory — Unpacking Power, Gender, and ENM with Cass Banker, Ep. 124

What happens when you leave monogamy… but bring patriarchy with you? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with Cass Banker (they/them) — a polyamorous, eXvangelical, non-binary human on a mission to deconstruct patriarchal masculinity in themselves and the world. Raised and socialized as a man for most of their life, Cass knows firsthand how entitlement, dominance, and pre-written gender scripts sneak into all kinds of relationships — yes, even ethical non-monogamy. We ta...

2 months ago

57 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

The Cost of Shrinking: When Monogamy Doesn’t Fit, Ep. 123

“What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just be happy with what I have? Why do I keep wanting more when I already have a ‘good’ relationship?” If that question has been looping in your head, this episode is for you. Spoiler: there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just been taught your whole life that love only “counts” if it fits in the monogamy box—even if that box is crushing you. I’m getting real about my own story—how I contorted myself in my first marriage until I barely recognized who ...

2 months ago

19 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Leaving Purity Culture, Finding Non-Monogamy: Healing, Desire & Autonomy with Leah Carey, Ep. 122

What happens when you grow up being told your body isn’t yours, your desires are dangerous, and your worth is tied to being someone’s “only one”… and then you finally break free? In this powerful conversation, I’m joined (again!) by Leah Carey, relationship and intimacy coach and former host of Good Girls Talk About Sex, to talk about what so many folks discover after leaving high-control environments like purity culture, religious abuse, cults, or narcissistic family systems: → The floodgate...

3 months ago

54 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Why Finding Your People Changes Everything in Non-Monogamy, Ep. 121

In non-monogamy, being misunderstood often feels like the default—and being truly seen? That’s the exception. But finding your people truly changes everything. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, non-monogamous love, sex, and relationship coach Ellecia Paine cracks open the emotional exhaustion of constantly explaining your relationships—especially to therapists, friends, or family who just don’t get it. She shares what real support actually looks like, how it feels in your body, a...

3 months ago

26 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

You’re Not Wrong for Wanting More: Let’s End That Lie, Ep. 120

Do you worry that your desires make you “too much”? Like wanting more connection, more honesty, or more love means something is wrong with you? You're not broken—you’re just becoming. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m getting all the way real about the internalized guilt so many of us carry when we crave “more” in our relationships. More connection. More truth. More you. And especially inside non-monogamy, where wanting more can trigger every insecurity we’ve ever inherited f...

3 months ago

14 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Your Brain Gets Polyamory—But What About Your Body? Ep. 119

So your mind gets polyamory—you’ve read the books, done the therapy, had the late-night conversations. But your body? It’s still freaking out when your partner goes on a date. Welcome to the nervous system’s opinion on non-monogamy. In this deeply validating and often hilarious conversation, I’m joined by Dedeker Winston (co-host of the Multiamory podcast) and Orit Krug, a licensed dance/movement therapist, to talk about why your nervous system might not be as on board with polyamory as your ...

3 months ago

1 hour 5 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Creating Sexy, Safe, and Soulful Community with Jamie Love, Ep. 118

What actually happens at sex-positive events? Cuddle parties? Consent circles? Erotic service? 👀 In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, I sit down with Jamie Love, Executive Director of Sex Positive World, to talk about the radical, healing, and totally human side of building sex-positive community. We cover: How to start a sex-positive space or community near youWhat consent really looks like (hint: it’s not just “yes or no”)Erotic service, safer sex talks, and the power of devotiona...

4 months ago

44 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

You Don’t Have to Be the ‘Chill Poly Partner’ to Deserve Love, Ep. 117

Feeling like the “easy one” in your polycule? Always chill, never the squeaky wheel? This episode is your permission slip to stop shrinking for connection. We’re breaking down what it means to disappear inside non-monogamy, why boundaries aren’t selfish, and how to recognize when your emotional self-silencing isn’t maturity—it’s survival. 👉 Topics covered: What emotional self-abandonment looks like in Ethical Non MonogamyHow "being chill" becomes a trapThe difference between inclusion and bei...

4 months ago

27 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Why You’re Stuck in the Same Fight on Repeat (and How to Break the Loop) Ep. 116

Are you having the same fight over and over in your non-monogamous relationship—and wondering why nothing ever changes? You’re not broken. You’re in a pattern. And until you understand what’s underneath that pattern, it’ll keep showing up again and again. In this episode, we’re diving into trauma loops—how they form, why they’re especially common in non-monogamous relationships, and how to start breaking the cycle for good. 💥 Whether you're navigating jealousy, communication breakdowns, or em...

4 months ago

18 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

How to Say the Hard Thing Without Burning Everything Down, Ep. 115

You’re not broken. You just never learned how to say the hard thing without burning everything down. In this episode, I’m sharing how to actually talk about the uncomfortable stuff in non-monogamy—without losing your shit or starting a relationship wildfire. Whether you're afraid of hurting someone, scared to be misunderstood, or just tired of swallowing your truth, this is your starting point for braver, clearer communication. What you’ll learn: → How to understand your silence survival patt...

4 months ago

18 minutes

Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Tantra, Throuples, and the Best Sex of Her Life at 65 with Xanet Pailet

What happens when you go from 26 years in a sexless marriage… to a full-blown sexual awakening in your 50s? This week, I’m joined by Xanet Pailet — a former healthcare lawyer turned tantra teacher, somatic sex coach, and the author of Living an Orgasmic Life. We’re talking about: How she went from disconnected and dissociated… to having the best sex of her life in her 60sWhy pleasure is your birthright (and what to do if that feels impossible right now)Why communication matters more than rule...

5 months ago

42 minutes