In this educational monologue Mandy talks about what is actually going on with the dopamine hits everyone talks about these days and then ends with some practical ways to control our behaviour for better mental health and wellbeing through harnessing the power of the reward system.

I sent Sarah a voice memo prompt to ask if she wanted to share some experiences being in the middle of a pandemic and needing to self-isolate during this time, particularly because she is living with cancer. We discussed a few topics including how the pandemic has created an experience that allows Sarah (and maybe others with chronic health conditions) to feel less alone and that she can properly take care of herself during this time.

Reflecting on what part of this experience we want to take forward...

I was very excited to be invited onto the podcast The Uncoverup to talk about the Psychology of Conspiracy Thinking with Hosts Nathan Radke and Alena Papayanis. After recording that episode, which can be found on Apple Podcast or Soundcloud (links below), we made use of their superior recording equipment to just chat about what inspired them to create their podcast and the nature of conspiracy thinking and conspiracies themselves as they try to find truth around conspiracies. I love how both of their minds work so it was seriously a pleasure and honour to be invited into their world. And I love how Nathan turned the table on me and asked where I stood on UFOs. I look forward to talking about more conspiracy stuff in the future, which we foreshadow at then end of this episode.

It’s December. Christmas season is well among us. It’s a crazy time of year for many people. Not me. But for many others. Here in this rant I talk about my process of degifting my holidays, the terribleness of commercialized Christmas, the egocentrism of Christmas, the stress and money issues around Christmas, and where is religion in all of this? I end with some thoughts on Santa.

Me… ranting about gender, gender issues, gender reveal parties, gendered clothing, gender segregation, gender neutral, gender expansion, gendered opportunities, gendered washrooms… It didn’t start out as a rant. It was going to be an introduction to two other conversations about gender I’ve had specifically around gender-expansive parenting. But 17 minutes in, I realized it was a rant. Oops. One thing I should add, that I didn’t add during the audio is that despite hating segregation, I do think segregation is important when combining the genders is holding one or more of the genders back. For example, I have benefited seriously from opportunities in sport that were gender-segregated and allowed women to rise up to an athletic potential they otherwise might not have. This is happened in hockey and ultimate frisbee for me. That being said, the ideal as I see it, is equating the genders together, like, for example in mixed-gender division. I spent a lot of time playing women’s ultimate but my heart was always in mixed-gender where cis-men and cis-women are theoretically on an equal playing field. That doesn’t always happen in practice but it’s the best attempt I have seen in sport. The next necessary step, mind you, is to successfully incorporate transgender people into sports in a way that allows all people to both develop to their full potential. Single-gendered divisions and mixed-gender divisions imply a binary, whereas the “open division” technically means open to anyone who wants to play at the level of that team. That is wonderful. In theory.

Me ranting about accessibility issues and the university system. No, I’m not actually lacking compassion for people’s needs. What I’m annoyed with is why we aren’t individualizing education more. I have lots of issues with the university system and you can read about some of them in the MicroDegree Manifesto too.

Lindsay got involved in the cult, NXIVM back in about 2011, right around the time of my wedding, I remember because she came to Toronto and was talking non-stop about this great new program she was involved in, called ESP (Executive Success Program). Lindsay got very involved in the work largely because of her connect with Sarah Edmonson, the high-ranking recruiter who became the Canadian whistleblower on the operation and who was recently the focus of the CBC podcast Uncover, season 1. I have had many conversations with Lindsay about her involvement over the years, and I have to admit, many of them were very emotional. At the beginning it was hard to watch her get pulled in and it was hard to resist her invitations to join the group, particularly because the work was so aligned with what I was doing with my own personal development group. But, as I have come to learn with many women in abusive relationships, cults being a version of that, my goal as a friend is always to remain a friend and someone who doesn’t judge and who the person feels they can speak freely to about their experiences. I don’t know if that’s the right method, but it has been one I have stood by. I am never the “he’s an asshole, get rid of him” type. Lindsay and I have known each other since 2004 or 2005. We have been roommates a few times in Halifax. We have always stayed in contact, but it wasn’t frequent. Yet, I love her like a little sister and respect her seeker behaviour that calls her all over the place. Lindsay’s just been that type of person who is always off on adventures, so this ESP thing was kind of one of those. I think I always knew she would be ok. Or I hoped. After she left the cult, I got to talk to her about it as the cult that it was. Those conversations were very hard for me. I would come home to my partner crying with guilt and wishing I had done more than I did, which felt like nothing. It is nothing when your goal is to just be there for when it all crumbles and to remain the person who will never judge. But the pain that I feel is nothing compared to the trauma she has experienced and continues to experience in the form of PTSD. Lindsay is a strong (sometimes too strong), stubborn, intelligent, and wise woman. All of those defining characteristics are what ultimately led her out of the cult and into safety. There will be several conversations with Lindsay to be shared. In the summer of 2019 we decided to start recording. The first two that I present are chopped up versions of our first conversation we recorded about this. It was very scattered and non-linear and I assured Lindsay at the time that it was inevitable. Trauma is not linear and the way we make sense of it changes how it unfolded in chronology. Lindsay is committed to sharing her story with others because she believes that cults are an epidemic and that cults permeate aspects of our life we don’t even realize, whether it’s religious groups, romantic relationships, or corporations. The first episode we share is my edited version of her talking about how she feels having left the cult. It’s a very visceral description of PTSD, true to Linsday style of being able to articulate what most people can’t even feel. Sharing her experience really draws the outsider into how something so traumatic can permeate your whole being and always hang over you. It affects every interaction that you have with people. The next episode is her describing how she got in and out. We’ll continue the conversation in subsequent episodes as Lindsay reveals important elements of Keith’s personal development curriculum. I admit in one conversation that I feel uncomfortable by the parallel between what he does and what I do, as a Life Coach and a person who has developed a personal development community. I am reassured by the fact that my intentions are honourable yet Keith is a psychopath, which ultimately got the best of him. But I can’t help but wonder about cults and the many leaders we have seen who have fallen when their ego was strengthened instead of dissolved. I hope to explore this greater perspective on cults and personal development with Lindsay and I strive to support her healing and post-traumatic growth. Resources: * CBC Podcast Uncover: https://www.cbc.ca/radio/uncover/uncover-season-1-escaping-nxivm-1.4675949 * Dan Shaw, Psychotherapist who specializes in Trauma: http://www.danielshawlcsw.com/

Lindsay got involved in the cult, NXIVM back in about 2011, right around the time of my wedding, I remember because she came to Toronto and was talking non-stop about this great new program she was involved in, called ESP (Executive Success Program). Lindsay got very involved in the work largely because of her connect with Sarah Edmonson, the high-ranking recruiter who became the Canadian whistleblower on the operation and who was recently the focus of the CBC podcast Uncover, season 1. I have had many conversations with Lindsay about her involvement over the years, and I have to admit, many of them were very emotional. At the beginning it was hard to watch her get pulled in and it was hard to resist her invitations to join the group, particularly because the work was so aligned with what I was doing with my own personal development group. But, as I have come to learn with many women in abusive relationships, cults being a version of that, my goal as a friend is always to remain a friend and someone who doesn’t judge and who the person feels they can speak freely to about their experiences. I don’t know if that’s the right method, but it has been one I have stood by. I am never the “he’s an asshole, get rid of him” type. Lindsay and I have known each other since 2004 or 2005. We have been roommates a few times in Halifax. We have always stayed in contact, but it wasn’t frequent. Yet, I love her like a little sister and respect her seeker behaviour that calls her all over the place. Lindsay’s just been that type of person who is always off on adventures, so this ESP thing was kind of one of those. I think I always knew she would be ok. Or I hoped. After she left the cult, I got to talk to her about it as the cult that it was. Those conversations were very hard for me. I would come home to my partner crying with guilt and wishing I had done more than I did, which felt like nothing. It is nothing when your goal is to just be there for when it all crumbles and to remain the person who will never judge. But the pain that I feel is nothing compared to the trauma she has experienced and continues to experience in the form of PTSD. Lindsay is a strong (sometimes too strong), stubborn, intelligent, and wise woman. All of those defining characteristics are what ultimately led her out of the cult and into safety. There will be several conversations with Lindsay to be shared. In the summer of 2019 we decided to start recording. The first two that I present are chopped up versions of our first conversation we recorded about this. It was very scattered and non-linear and I assured Lindsay at the time that it was inevitable. Trauma is not linear and the way we make sense of it changes how it unfolded in chronology. Lindsay is committed to sharing her story with others because she believes that cults are an epidemic and that cults permeate aspects of our life we don’t even realize, whether it’s religious groups, romantic relationships, or corporations. The first episode we share is my edited version of her talking about how she feels having left the cult. It’s a very visceral description of PTSD, true to Linsday style of being able to articulate what most people can’t even feel. Sharing her experience really draws the outsider into how something so traumatic can permeate your whole being and always hang over you. It affects every interaction that you have with people. The next episode is her describing how she got in and out. We’ll continue the conversation in subsequent episodes as Lindsay reveals important elements of Keith’s personal development curriculum. I admit in one conversation that I feel uncomfortable by the parallel between what he does and what I do, as a Life Coach and a person who has developed a personal development community. I am reassured by the fact that my intentions are honourable yet Keith is a psychopath, which ultimately got the best of him. But I can’t help but wonder about cults and the many leaders we have seen who have fallen when their ego was strengthened instead of dissolved. I hope to explore this greater perspective on cults and personal development with Lindsay and I strive to support her healing and post-traumatic growth. Resources: * CBC Podcast Uncover: https://www.cbc.ca/radio/uncover/uncover-season-1-escaping-nxivm-1.4675949 * Dan Shaw, Psychotherapist who specializes in Trauma: http://www.danielshawlcsw.com/

Alia and I speak for the first time during this conversation. We were introduced through email by a mutual friend, Paul, who we both know from CSI (Centre for Social Innovation). Paul connected us because Alia is interested in co-living and because my partner and I bought a house in Toronto with our friends and are in a co-living situation. We talk here about what makes for a good human experience and community in a good co-living situation.

If you want to sit in on a class presentation on the research related to bisexuality please listen to this podcast! Vanessa is a MicroMasters student (part of the Centre for Applied Neuroscience MicroDegree in Psychological Neuroscience) supervised by me, Mandy Wintink. This week’s seminar class was on Sex and Gender and Vanessa’s topic was “Bisexuality” and she presents on the topic according to the guiding questions that provoked the research (see below). The other voices you can hear are that of the other MicroDegree students. Vanessa chose to do bisexuality because it is often considered a hidden sexuality because those who are bisexual are often seen as heterosexual if they are in a monogamous opposite-sex relationship or gay if they are in a same-sex relationship, neither of which can feel complete for someone who is bisexual. Through her research, Vanessa discovered that bisexual erasure is prevalent and so is bisexuality as well. In fact, some statistics show that bisexuality is the majority of the LGTB2QS community. Word of wise: You may want to slow this episode down to .75 speed because Vanessa and her brain present very fast…

I reflect on two examples of people asking for money, one good, one not-so good.

Dawn has spoken before about her sever mental health issues (e.g., Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and Major Depressive Disorder). She works with a psychiatrist, is on medication, and is on permanent disability and unable to work. Today, she shares with an acute stress reaction she recently had and aims to get some perspective on it. She had approached me to do a live coaching session. The video associated with this session will also be released soon. If you have benefited in anyway from this conversation, please consider saying thank you with a donation to Dawn’s fundraising campaign, available here: https://paypal.me/pools/c/8gwKm78eZx. Dawn is under serious financial stress and would appreciate any help she can get. It took a lot of creativity and courage for her to launch this campaign. Please consider a donation of any amount. Nothing is too small and the more people contribute the more we can keep her sharing her story.

Truth be told, Mandyland is not my main gig. I actually run a company on the side. ;) The Centre for Applied Neuroscience is where I do most of my work as a life coach, life coach trainer, and a neuroscience workshop leader in organizations. I founded the company in 2010 and now have 7-8 people working for me part-time. During this team meeting, we brainstormed our mission and corporate philosophy and present it to our clients, potential clients, and friends of Mandyland as part of our “openness” mandate. To read what we came up with based on that conversation head to our About Us page here: http://www.knowyourbrain.ca/about.

Just a little recap of my experience with season two and forecasting what to expect for season 3. In case it interests you, look into the MicroDegree mentioned in this episode: http://www.knowyourbrain.ca/microdegree

A year ago Mike was diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma, a cancer of the kidneys. He had surgery 6 months later. His experience was, on paper, great because everything went medically well. But his patient experience made him think very deeply about how to improve the cancer patient experience. Mike is the Design Director at Healthcare Human Factors, a consultancy through University Health Network in Toronto. He is fortunate to be in a position to rethink and design cancer care and he’s doing that now. Here we talk about his experience, which laid a foundation for rethinking cancer care! We spoke earlier this season about getting the diagnosis. You can listen to that episode here: http://www.mandyland.ca/the-podcast/2018/8/28/mike-has-cancer-s2e1

Vanessa, who recently came out as Polyamorous, is questioning whether identifying a sexual orientation is enough to really capture all the nuances of romantic relationships. So we discuss… and that obviously brings up a discussion about gay versus bisexual and gender and labels in general.

We love them dearly, oftentimes more than the humans in our life. When they leave us it is one of the hardest things to experience. It’s been 2 days since we said goodbye to our amazing dog Jett. It hurts like hell. I miss her dearly. I will love her forever. I want her to come back. I recorded me saying goodbye and speaking through tears yesterday, the day after she died. I don’t know why I’m sharing. There is no arc, no real purpose, no overt message. Maybe I just want to remind some of us of our loss and pain…. or maybe to just to put it out there just how deep the emotions run between pet owners and their pets… or maybe to share tears because “crying is cool” (TM Victoria Bergin Coaching)… or to invite others to bathe in their own memories and love of their pets, current or past… or maybe as an insight into this crazy kind of love that non-pet-owners just don’t know but maybe they want to know and that’s why they listened to an episode that was “Dear Pet Lovers”… IDK. I just wanted to share. Sincerely, A Grieving Dog Lover

Sarah just got news that one of her tumours (a liver tumour) shrunk! Yay! It appears to be from the radiation she had back in March, which is welcomed news after being a bit confused as to what the initial report meant. She shares this with us today in context with the past 5 days of the perpetual roller coaster she is on. We end with a little life coachey-rest officer discussion about how she is planning to manage her energy for an upcoming trip to Australia.

Tackling the science of [heterosexual] love is an interesting endeavour indeed. Lauren starts us off with the idea of three phases of love (lust, attraction, and attachment), the hormones and neurotransmitters associated with some of these phases, differences between men and women* and an evolutionary perspective on love. We then spend a good deal of time talking about attachment and what that kind of love means in parenting and with pet animals. We even talk about how the brain is affected by a break-up. Unfortunately, all we covered was heterosexual love. *although I (Mandy) believe in the non-binary nature to sex and gender, the scientific literature lags behind and often discusses sex differences exclusively between men and women.