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Hello If Anything
helloifanything
12 episodes
1 month ago
‘Hello, If Anything’ is an irrelevant podcast operating in the burgeoning ASMR art comedy scene. Listen to Matt and Devuroasts use 100% of their brains to bring suspecting listeners through the brackish mouth sounds of mirth, acclaimed by rave reviews like “what is this?” and “this isn’t a podcast”.
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Improv
Comedy
RSS
All content for Hello If Anything is the property of helloifanything and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.
‘Hello, If Anything’ is an irrelevant podcast operating in the burgeoning ASMR art comedy scene. Listen to Matt and Devuroasts use 100% of their brains to bring suspecting listeners through the brackish mouth sounds of mirth, acclaimed by rave reviews like “what is this?” and “this isn’t a podcast”.
Show more...
Improv
Comedy
Episodes (12/12)
Hello If Anything
06 Cool, Watching TV
The faint smell of tar. Cement bricks glance off your shoulders. Gamma rays encircle your frontbody. You are a dancing snake: your charmer, Judge Judy's mystical doppleganger. She’s come out with a new hypnosis, enticing you to swallow the landfill.  She strikes a major multiphonic chord and you pass out. The next day you tell your coworkers, ‘oh, this weekend?, I was mostly watching TV'.
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1 month ago
34 minutes

Hello If Anything
05 Schmownership City
We rehash the oldest trick in the oldest book.  Nothing new under the sun, especially not on my plate, which is haunted by the ghost of fries past.  Merriam Webster's son (NOT a nepo baby) inherited the Dictionary business and changed what “fries” meant. He might be ignoring his true calling (sitting on the street pathetically), but we're going with it.  featuring Nathan Greenberg & John Desmond of You Want Milk
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2 months ago
12 minutes 53 seconds

Hello If Anything
04 Practice Recording
What is really going on and how do we even know that when we figure it all out we’ll have it all figured out? Ghosts of the past are with us, but they are so young, they do not engender any ulterior suspicions. Still, the stillness of their eyes could betray allegiance to a darker cause. The whims of a technological megacorporation?  A puppeteering zookeeper pulling gorilla-strings? I’m not at liberty to know. Even writing this could put me in danger, if I’m even writing it?
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2 months ago
15 minutes 33 seconds

Hello If Anything
03 Grocery Star
Everything changes when you hit it big. While my peers slapped bags of wine in frat houses, I slapped bags of frozen spinach onto conveyor belts, dreaming the very same dream.  Back then, that's what I thought "belting" was.  People tell me I don't have to do this anymore, I could get a beach house in Malibu, but what can I say - You can take the boy out of the produce aisle, but he still romaine the same. Featuring Dina Genkina
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2 months ago
17 minutes 56 seconds

Hello If Anything
02 Dear Grandson
Slices of life dissected in frog class by a third grader with two left hands, become our lineages, among other entries in a list of the least important things.
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2 months ago
12 minutes 2 seconds

Hello If Anything
01 Mark Grundy's Spuds
The psychology and ethics of snacks and the hypothetical in-between spaces they betray comes to a shockingly unsensational conclusion.  A tale of lukewarm love, trivial loss, and a future that’s not asking whether or not we’re ready for it.
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2 months ago
14 minutes 26 seconds

Hello If Anything
6 - Fish Heaven
do fish go to heaven?  we don't know.  this is the first episode we ever made
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1 year ago
4 minutes 15 seconds

Hello If Anything
5 - Plant Game Show
a game show with a plant, featuring Joanna Schubert
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1 year ago
14 minutes 4 seconds

Hello If Anything
4 - Attention
Attention featuring Dylan Israelian and Lila Feldman of Rhymes With Orange, and Sasha Kuznetsov on guitar
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1 year ago
10 minutes 24 seconds

Hello If Anything
3 - Milk
Milk
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1 year ago
7 minutes 21 seconds

Hello If Anything
2 - Storm Pirate
Storms & Pirates featuring Locus Chen
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1 year ago
6 minutes 35 seconds

Hello If Anything
1 - Space Jocks
Jocks in space
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1 year ago
7 minutes 20 seconds

Hello If Anything
‘Hello, If Anything’ is an irrelevant podcast operating in the burgeoning ASMR art comedy scene. Listen to Matt and Devuroasts use 100% of their brains to bring suspecting listeners through the brackish mouth sounds of mirth, acclaimed by rave reviews like “what is this?” and “this isn’t a podcast”.