Dear Mary,

Please help me.  I’m so exhausted, but can’t sleep. Every time I finally fall asleep, I’m woken up anxious, my mind racing with a thousand different thoughts of disaster and catastrophe.  This Pandemic is so overwhelming.  How do I settle my mind so I can sleep?

Signed,

Up all night

Dear Mary,

My spouse never cleans up after himself in the kitchen and it drives me nuts!! What is a girl to do?

I ask him nicely if he can wash his plate or glass so they don’t pile up, but then he gets mad at me for bitching at him.

No matter my tone, my body language or timing of the day, he immediately gets defensive with me about it.

Do you have any suggestions on how to better frame the question or request of him?

Any advice is appreciated.

Sincerely,

The Bitchy Wife

Dear Mary,

Help.  Since Covid hit we’ve all been just hunkering down at home.  My husband has been really great about helping out and we’ve ordered everything in so we didn’t have to go out anywhere.  Well, now that we are starting to open up again, my husband doesn’t think he has to wear a mask.  I can’t believe it.  After all we did together to stay safe. I didn’t ever think this would be an issue that would come up.  I just don’t get it.  He thinks that the worst is over and the masks don’t really do anything.  I’m so scared and angry.  Doesn’t he realize he’s putting us all at risk?  How do I deal with this?

Signed,

Disillusioned and Hurt

Dear Mary,

It’s been a rough few weeks.

Our washing machine has been on the fritz for a while and decided to stop working during this whole COVID chaos.

I loaded up the car, did all the laundry and brought it back home and asked my spouse if he could help me put it all away.

It’s day two and the laundry has not been put away, however it is all messy from him rummaging through it to find a specific shirt he wanted to wear.

I asked again if he could put the laundry away and he snapped back at me “Yes, I will get to it, stop nagging me”.

Really? I held my tongue without being defensive and walked away…..was I in the wrong for just walking away or should I have engaged in a calm manner?

Yours Truly,

Laundry Lady

Dear Mary,

I’m struggling with all the violence in the world especially aimed at Black People.  I thought I was always aware of my white privilege but am learning I have a lot to learn.  I always felt that my husband was the same as me but lately we’ve been having so many arguments over Black Lives Matter vs. All Lives Matter.  I’m completely stunned that he doesn’t get it and worse yet, doesn’t seem to want to get it.  It’s really making me question our whole relationship.  I’m not sure I want to be with someone who is so ignorant and callous to human life. When is something a definitely deal-breaker?

Signed,

Is This Grounds for Divorce

Dear Mary,

I want to leave my husband but everyone I talk to about it tells me I’m crazy, that I’ve got it good and I should just shut up and stay.  Are they right?

Miserable and Confused

Dear Mary,

I can’t live like this any longer.  I know I have to have a conversation with my husband but I keep putting it off.  Why am I doing this and what can I do about it?

Don’t want to have the talk

Dear Don’t Want To

Dear Mary,

I keep having strange dreams.  They are different times from my childhood that I haven’t thought about in a long time and are very painful.  Why are they coming up out of the blue?  Is there something they are trying to tell me or are they just dreams?

Sleepless in Suburbia

Dear Mary,

I’m so overwhelmed with all the things that have to get done to keep my house, my kids, my annoying partner and my sanity in check.  Do I really have to do this all by myself?  I’m so tired of nothing getting done unless I do it.  The house is a mess.  The sink’s always full of dirty dishes.  The laundry is all over the floor.  I’m so tired of living in a pig stye and seeming to be the only one that cares or does anything about it. Is this really the way my life has to be?

Suffocating under a pile of laundry

Dear Mary,

My kids are eating everything in sight.  My god, I don’t know where they are putting it all.  I’ve never gone through so much food in my life.  I think I have enough for the week and the little scavengers are eating days worth of food in an afternoon.  It wouldn’t be so bad if I could run to the store but those days are gone.  I don’t want to starve them or give them an eating complex but there’s got to be a middle ground.  Help.

Eating me out of house and home

Dear Mary,

I’m starting to freak out.  It’s May and all the plans I had made for my kids this summer are falling apart.  Their camps aren’t happening, summer internships and jobs aren’t happening.  My husband going back to work probably isn’t happening.  What the hell am I supposed to do with all of them?  It’s been hard enough for two months, how will I manage for several more?

Losing my Sh*t in Summer

Dear Mary,

I’m not sure if I can take this much longer. My partner has no respect for my work at home hours. He continues to barge in while I am on phone calls or zoom meetings to ask random questions such as “is this milk still good”? 
I mean, are you serious?! Read the expiration date or smell it!

Ugh!

Sincerely - The Death Glare

Dear Mary,

I’m trying to stay connected to my partner while cooped up all day and night.  We haven’t found any way to have sex. We usually end up with at least one kid or another in our bed for part of the night.  I get that, They are out of sorts but what are we to do about a sex life?

Sexless in Pandemic

Dear Mary,

My district has determined that my high schooler will be graded on a pass/fail basis for the rest of this year.  I’m so upset by this.  It will mess up his GPA and screw up his chances on getting into the college he wants.  We’ve worked so hard to keep him on track for a high level academic education and this will surely make him a less qualified candidate.  I’m so upset by their lack of ability to not give grades and understand how important this is.

Signed,

The Administration gets an F

Dear Hail Mary,

I used to dread the weekends when my partner was home and the unspoken tension could not be avoided.  Monday mornings when my partner went to work could not come fast enough.  Now we’re stuck together in the house with no escape mechanism.  I feel like I’m about to explode and have no outlet.  How do I navigate this without blowing a gasket or becoming an alcoholic?

Cranked up and Ready to blow

Dear Mary,

My partner got to sleep late, which meant I slept late and now I’m writing to you because the truck to pick up the recycling passed our house while I was in the bathroom so we missed it and I am asking myself, look it’s 2020, exactly how much housework am I supposed to do?!

My partner is not great at these things normally which is fine because he works all day at an office and  I am happy to help out since I work from home.

With the pandemic he is at home all day every day. I’m doing twice the dishes (why is my favorite egg pan never clean?!) and I feel like I’m handling most of the chores.

Is this reasonable? I don’t want to be a jerk while he is adjusting but I don’t want to be taken advantage of either.

Dishpan Hands

Dear Mary,

Please help me, I’m at my wit’s end with my partner.

Working from home in our tiny spaces means that I am downstairs at my “desk” in the kitchen, often on the phone.

My partner has been staying up late talking with friends. I understand trying to find this new normal is hard and I’m glad he is doing this without drinking.

That said, when he gets up at 10 AM and fires up the espresso machine right next to my desk and the volume goes up to ten while I’m on the phone talking with a client it makes me feel like I’m living with a teenager, not a grown man. Isn’t it obvious I’m on the phone? Is he that clueless?

I’m telling him my schedule for the next day so he can plan around it but planning doesn’t seem to be his forte.

At my Wit’s End

Welcome to Hail Mary, the podcast for women who are "Divorce Curious" and desire extra support, guidance, and answers to their marital questions during this unprecedented time of chaos and isolation. I am here to help. I am your "Hail Mary."

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