This week on Gentle Power, we explore how Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy has changed the way we think about negotiations. The IFS school of thought is based on the idea that we all have different “parts” within us that try to protect us in different ways, and this framework offers surprising lessons for how we show up in high-stakes conversations.
Our conversation covers:
Negotiating from this mindset will feel less like a flight and more like a creative dialogue. When we understand our own reactions and stay curious about what’s happening on the other side, even tough moments can turn into opportunities for connection and confidence, and of course, better outcomes.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
In this episode, we break down one of the most overlooked negotiation traps: how people give away their leverage when they think they’re actually helping their case. From revealing salary history to competing offers to personal disclosures, even senior leaders can unintentionally anchor themselves low and limit their earning power.
Our conversation covers:
How one of our high performing, executive clients made a fatal mistake in their negotiations thinking they were actually helping their case
Why sharing salary history instantly anchors the negotiation and erases options you didn’t know you had
How companies subtly steer candidates into revealing information they’re legally protected from sharing
Why “market data” is far less reliable than people think. The real number that matters is the top of their budget - we can never know that number but here’s what to do about it.
The compounding cost of leaving even a small amount of salary on the table and how it shapes every raise, promotion, and future offer
How disclosing pregnancies, relocations, side projects, or “I’m not talking to anyone else” can shift power
Why naming competing companies or industries collapses your leverage, and how to keep optionality without lying
Most leverage is lost in moments that feel harmless. The more intentional you are with what you share, the more confidently you can negotiate for the future you want.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
In this episode, we discuss a common dilemma: how to negotiate when the job opportunity came through a referral. Many people hesitate to negotiate in these situations out of fear of seeming ungrateful or straining the relationship that helped them get in the door. We share how to approach these conversations without creating awkwardness or risking the relationship.
Our conversation covers:
We also share:
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
This week we’re joined by Alex Daniels, founder of Decrypted Law and a JD-MBA who is ex-Google, has advised startups and investors during his time at Cooley, and now through his own practice. Alex helps founders and employees navigate legal complexity and drive equitable outcomes through intentional legal design. We explore the structures that keep negotiations ethical, equitable, and grounded in real leverage.
Our conversation covers:
What founders and employees should know about clawback clauses, non-competes, non-solicits, and NDAs, and why the language matters more than the label
How to approach severance negotiations, what “reasonable” looks like, and when to consider outside counsel
How personal disclosures can shift power in negotiations, and why the wrong timing or location-based pay changes can expose companies to discrimination claims
The difference between RSAs, RSUs, and ISOs, and how early exercise or cash compensation can preserve real value over time
We also share:
Alex’s journey from Google to Cooley to building his own flat-fee law firm for startups
A true case of a relocation gone wrong and what founders can learn about jurisdiction and fairness
Why reading and understanding every clause in your offer or CIIAA is the strongest move you can make
The more awareness you bring to the table, the better equipped you are to ensure your best outcome, and our conversation with Alex provides the tools to navigate your next contract confidently.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
In this episode, we’re joined by corporate attorney and SaaS dealmaker, Omeed Tabiei, whose career spans Hyperloop’s moonshot years, two startups of his own, and now a boutique legal firm that helps software founders from incorporation to exit. We dig into how negotiation really works across the startup lifecycle: pricing your services, converting cold outreach into warm relationships, and protecting leverage when buyers come knocking.
We cover:
Why everything is a negotiation, from scoping legal work to structuring M&As
How Omeed turns cold leads warm: identify motivations, give value up front, and keep a seat at the table
How founders lose leverage in exits and how to run a competitive process
Decoding offers beyond the headline price: stock, holdbacks, working-capital adjustments, taxes
Guardrails for buyer diligence: phased NDAs, term sheets first, and when to use breakup fees
We also share:
Bazaar-born instincts: a dad who made every purchase a negotiation (and how that translates stateside)
The inside story of Hyperloop’s rise and lessons from raising nine-figure capital on a moonshot
Omeed's journey: starting two companies, navigating a co-founder dispute, and returning to law to help founders succeed
“Gentle power” here means pairing clear asks with real empathy: protect your leverage, lead with value, and move every conversation toward fair, durable agreements, for both sides.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
In this episode, we’re joined by Mariane Bekker: engineering leader through six exits, former Director of Engineering at Mindbody, and founder of the 80k-member tech community, Founders Bay. Our conversation explores pay and negotiations from the hiring side, how bias actually shows up in offers, and how women (and allies) can ensure fair offers from both sides of the table.
We cover:
How to avoid anchoring traps that disadvantage women in offers
Why motivation and scope often matter more than “market data”
Practical phrases that reframe the conversation without giving up leverage
We also share:
Mariane’s path from cold-calling offices with 50 resumes to building a 55% women engineering org
How asking for a higher title early shaped every step of her career
Real tactics she used as Head of Engineering to redesign hiring systems
The personal grit behind her negotiation style, from war-torn Lebanon to Silicon Valley
If you hire, lead, or negotiate in tech, this one’s a masterclass on advocating for yourself and others without leaving value on the table.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
This week we’re sharing a live workshop we hosted with Marianne Bekker (Managing Partner, Founders Bay) on how founders can negotiate across every phase of the startup journey, from co-founder splits to investor terms, design partners, vendors, and early hires. Gerta walks through a practical framework for keeping leverage, avoiding common traps (like giving numbers/ranges), and aligning deals to the right priorities rather than the loudest ones.
Our presentation covers:
A founder’s job is nonstop negotiation, and this workshop gives you the scripts, structure, and judgment to secure better terms without burning bridges.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
In our first in-person interview, we sat down with David Carvalho: entrepreneur, veteran DJ, and the man behind some of San Francisco’s most iconic tech and music events. For more than two decades, David has booked talent for Dreamforce, the Super Bowl, and private gatherings for Silicon Valley’s most influential leaders, while also performing at Coachella, Ultra, Outside Lands, Giants, Warriors, and Raiders games, Google and Facebook’s IPO parties, and even Christina Aguilera’s wedding.
In our conversation, David shares how he has built long-lasting partnerships and a storied career by balancing integrity, creativity, and negotiation savvy.
We cover:
We also share:
Whether you’re a job seeker, founder, or just navigating big decisions, this episode is a masterclass in applying real-world negotiation lessons to your own career and life.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
We often get asked, "What does a negotiation service look like?" In this video, we go into detail on exactly what our clients experience when they work with us to negotiate their compensation.If you're in the job search or expecting upcoming negotiations, book a free call with us to get free negotiation tips for your situation and to explore if we're a good fit to work together! Find a time here: https://calendly.com/alexhapki/call
In this episode, we unpack the exact words and phrases that quietly tank negotiations, and what to say instead. A recent study conducted by Neil Rackham shows skilled negotiators use far fewer “irritator words” like “fair,” “reasonable,” and “generous,” because those labels backfire.
We cover:
The “irritator words” to avoid based on the study (“fair offer,” “reasonable,” “generous”) and simple, better substitutes
Irritator words that we have observed from our experience and what to say instead
A kinder, stronger deflection than “I’m not comfortable sharing that” (for salary questions, competing offers, etc.)
How to ask for details or a written summary without sounding distrustful (skip “can you put that in writing?”)
When to hold your line without giving numbers or ranges, and still preserve rapport
A quick behavioral nudge you can use (the “because” effect) without being manipulative
We also share:
Gerta’s negotiation training roots (MIT/Harvard) and why behavioral science runs our playbook
The odd “eyes on the coffee jar” study and what it teaches about human behavior
Tune in to learn the subtle wording tweaks that protect your leverage, keep rapport intact, and help you land better outcomes without sounding adversarial.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
In this episode, we tested AI against some of our most common negotiation questions to find out where it helps, and where it confidently steers you wrong. On paper it looked helpful, but the devil was in the details; the results were a mix of good reminders and dangerously misleading shortcuts. We covered topics like:
Why “market data” (Glassdoor, Levels, Blind) rarely moves real offers, and what to use instead
How to ask for a written offer the right way (and why a signable letter beats a summary email)
Better scripts than “Is this negotiable?” (and why you shouldn’t give numbers or ranges)
Reading “best and final,” when to keep pushing, and when to stop without burning bridges
We also share stories including:
A world-class MBA who nearly blew an offer while being enrolled in a negotiations course
The exec candidate who cited market data and was told, “Even our C-suite doesn’t make that”
How big companies quietly changed their offer tactics and how we adapted
A quirky-but-real priority a client negotiated (and why we re-ordered her asks)
Tune in to see us run a live test on an AI model’s negotiation advice, what it gets right, what it misses, and how to protect your offer when the stakes are high.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
In this episode, we cover:
We also share:
Tune in for practical strategies to catch misleading phrasing and protect your compensation.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
In this episode, we cover:
Why even world-class professionals with top MBAs and deal-making experience can still mishandle their own salary negotiations
The stigma around hiring a coach, and how it’s no different from hiring a trainer, therapist, or MBA consultant to help you level up
The gap between knowing good advice and executing it well when the stakes feel high and context matters
Why AI is unable to replace a negotiations consultant
We also share:
A candid story from a friend who was literally taking a negotiations class while fumbling her own offer
How we tweak strategies to fit the specific recruiter, timing, and leverage in each client’s situation, and why what the other side says often doesn’t mean what you think it does
Tune in for a mix of real-world case study and practical insights, so you can see why even seasoned pros benefit from expert support, and avoid leaving money on the table.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
This week, we spoke with Kevin Houng, an HR/people business partner, former employment attorney, and one of Alex’s longest friends, who’s helped launch dozens of venture-backed teams and guided executives through complex compensation decisions.
In our conversation, we covered:
Tactics for spotting your leverage, asking the right discovery questions, and pushing past the fear of rescinded offers
We also share:
Tune in for an insider’s view from both sides of the hiring table, plus practical scripts and mindsets to help you negotiate with confidence, secure fair pay, and avoid leaving money on the table.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
For this week’s episode of Gentle Power, we welcome our very first guest: Joe Dillon, founder of Equitable Mediation. Joe has spent nearly two decades helping couples navigate the high-stakes, emotionally-charged negotiations of divorce without lawyers, achieving outcomes that protect both their finances and their future relationships.
In our conversation, we explore the surprising overlap between divorce mediation and salary or job offer negotiations, including:
We also discuss Joe’s path from corporate negotiations to Harvard negotiation training to achieving a 98% mediation settlement rate, and the mindset shifts that keep even tense deals from collapsing.
If you’ve ever had to protect your value, bridge a high-emotion gap, or keep a conversation moving toward a win-win, you’ll take away proven tactics to approach any negotiation with clarity, empathy, and ideal outcomes.
Learn more about Joe and his work at EquitableMediation.com
For more from Gerta & Alex:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
In this episode, we cover:
We also share:
Tune in to master the art of getting the deal you deserve, without risking rescinds or damaged relationships.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
LinkedIn: Gerta | Alex
For this week’s episode, we are sharing Gerta’s recent interview with Brendan Aronson on the Milvet Podcast, where we discussed actionable negotiation tactics tailored for military veterans transitioning into the civilian job market; insights are just as relevant for people from other backgrounds.
In this conversation, we cover:
How military service shapes your mindset - and why “service before self” must shift to “advocate for yourself” in the civilian job market
The single biggest leverage point: waiting for, and negotiating on, a written offer, not a verbal handshake
Why lying about a competing offer backfires (and how to genuinely build FOMO with real options)
The power of showing authentic excitement to seal the deal, and not negotiating against yourself
Defining your “walk-away” point and using it to guide every ask
Equity fundamentals for pre-IPO vs. public companies, and when to lean into cash vs. stock
We also share:
Gerta’s journey from Albania to MIT and Harvard negotiation trainings
Brendan’s Marine-to-startup perspective on advocacy and interview prep
Must-know pitfalls: dodging illegal salary-history questions and framing your “why”
Listen in, sharpen your negotiation edge, and take confident steps toward the next chapter of your career.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
In this episode, we cover:
How to lock in clear price limits with hairstylists, plumbers and other contractors - so you never get surprised by unexpected add‑ons
Why spelling out the real problem you need to solve (“I keep getting unexpected invoices”) and your intent (“I run a business and need full visibility”) makes pushback feel natural
Tactful scripts for deflecting vague scope creep, communicating your budget, and keeping relationships positive
The power of a simple “here’s why it matters to me” explanation to transform awkward interactions into win–wins
We also share:
Gerta’s platinum hair adventure - and the upfront budget script that kept her stylist from veering into gray‑area pricing
A simple, one‑minute exercise for reconnecting with old friends you’ve lost touch with
Tune in for a mix of practical money‑savvy tactics and heart‑centered mindfulness, so you can pay what’s fair, avoid hidden fees, and reach back out to the people who matter.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
LinkedIn: Gerta | Alex
For this week’s episode, we are sharing our recent interview with Lauren McGoodwin from Career Contessa, where we focused on practical tips to improve your next job offer by 5-6 figures. We covered topics and strategies including:
We also share behind-the-scenes stories from Gerta’s journey (from Albania to MIT to co-founding YourNegotiations.com) and Alex’s path (Air Force Academy to Instagram product marketing).
Join us for a deep dive into the mental game of negotiation - equal parts strategy, psychology, and storytelling - to help you claim the deal you deserve.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations
In this episode, we cover:
We also share:
Join us to learn how the right negotiation mindset, equal parts gratitude and game theory, can help turn any scenario into a better deal.
For more:
Book free consultation call with Alex: Calendly
Get our free negotiation worksheet: YourNegotiations.com
Read our weekly newsletter: Newsletter
Instagram: @yournegotiations