The Universe loves to test me. Over and over. And honestly? I’m tired. But lately, I’ve been learning to see these “tests” differently not as punishments, but as opportunities. Opportunities to recognize patterns, to pause before reacting, and to choose differently. Because growth doesn’t mean never messing up; it means realizing you don’t have to keep reacting the same way. Sometimes I fail spectacularly. I say the wrong thing, I don’t set the boundary soon enough, or...

Addiction Rock Bottoms People talk about rock bottom like it’s the moment everything changes...that one crushing event that finally forces you to get clean, face yourself, and rebuild. But addiction doesn’t care about your rock bottom. I learned that the hard way. I hit plenty of “bottoms”, shameful nights, waking up in strange places, hurting people I loved, and none of them made me stop drinking. Each one just added more guilt, more self-hatred, more reasons to pour another drink. The trut...

Addiction recovery isn’t a straight line—it’s a series of awakenings. For me, it began in a courtroom. Court-mandated classes. AA meetings. The boxes I had to check to prove that I was trying. I understand that AA saves lives and helps countless people find community and accountability. But it didn’t work for me. I remember sitting in those meetings, still drinking every day, still numbing. I wasn’t ready to stop. The idea of a life without alcohol felt impossible. Who would I be ...

Presently Prioritizing Peaceful Passage Peace is my highest value. It hasn’t always been this way. For years I carried a simmering anger I couldn’t name—an inner dissatisfaction I tried to numb with distraction, addiction, and drama. I longed for peace but didn’t know how to claim it. Then came a turning point. In 2020, during Dry January, I finally chose to stop numbing and start healing. I wanted mornings without regret, nights without apologies, and a life free from the endless cycle of se...

"Addiction Adores Absolute Adherence" Addiction wears many disguises. Some are obvious—drugs, alcohol, gambling. Others slip in quietly: shopping, scrolling, chasing likes, obsessing over perfection. The behaviors look different, but the root is the same: a desperate need to numb pain or distract from it. "Addiction Adores Absolute Adherence". It thrives on routine, demanding loyalty to the very habits that hurt you. The longer you obey, the worse you feel, and the more you reach for the thin...

Confessions: Finding My Voice Maybe I should start with a confession. Because if you’ve battled addiction, you probably don’t want to hear another polished speech from a counselor who—at least in your mind—has a picture-perfect life. Someone who couldn’t possibly understand what it feels like to wake up every day with a body that’s begging for escape. I know that feeling. I’ve sat in the back of those rooms, arms crossed, silently screaming, “Shut the fck up.”* I’ve been there. I’ve done that...

Forgiving Failure Facilitates Freedom Forgiveness sounds noble and wise—until you’re the one holding the hurt. Everyone says forgiveness is for you, not the other person. I know that’s true. And yet, when you’ve been betrayed, abused, or abandoned, forgiving can feel like letting someone off the hook. Like their pain-free life is a reward for what they did to you. I’ve lived that tug-of-war. I’ve clung to anger like armor, believing my resentment was the only way to make someone pay. But the ...