Welcome to the Different Skill Notebook Podcast, hosted by Ana Anselma, a smart parenting tool empowering families with vital life skills. In this episode, Ana delves into a transformative approach at the Social Mind Center's Brick Club, where listening first strengthens relationships with neurodivergent and autistic individuals. Reflecting on years of experience, Ana shares how listening and removing expectations create an environment where trust and connection thrive. Listen to inspiring stories of new members like Brian, who overcame past challenges and embraced active participation through the thoughtful and flexible orientation process at Brick Club. Anna reveals how enabling these individuals to take the lead reduces anxiety and fosters engagement and learning. This episode highlights the importance of connecting before teaching and how trust paves the way for meaningful interactions with children. Gain insights on ensuring parents and children feel welcomed, understood, and respected without the pressure of performance during their first visit to the Brick Club. Discover the powerful impact of listening and choice-making in nurturing a supportive and inclusive community.   https://www.socialmindcenter.com/different-skill-notebook-blog/listen-to-neurodivergent  

Welcome to the Different Skill Notebook Podcast, hosted by Ana Anselma, co-owner of the Social Mind Center and an educational consultant. In this episode, Ana delves into the crucial topic of social communication and autism, exploring why it's essential to equip neurodivergent individuals with the skills to communicate their thoughts, needs and desires more effectively. Ana shares insights from her extensive experience, including the consistent narratives from parents seeking help for their children who struggle with social communication despite years of behavioral therapy. She highlights the gap in the school system's approach, which often focuses on minimizing behaviors rather than building communication and self-advocacy skills. Through the story of the Social Mind Center's inception and its mission to provide real-time interaction and practice for children, Ana emphasizes the importance of teaching social communication skills. She outlines the strategies and approaches used at the center, such as social groups, modeling, and understanding the perspectives of individuals on the spectrum. Join Ana as she provides valuable insights into social communication, its significance, and practical ways to support neurodivergent individuals in developing these vital skills. Stay tuned for the next episode, where she will discuss cognitive flexibility and its role in perspective-taking. For additional information, definitions, and references, visit the blog at socialmindcenter.com. Feel free to comment or ask questions on the different skill notebook blog, and Ana will be happy to respond. Thank you for tuning in, and we look forward to our next podcast!

In this episode, Melissa Pascucci shares her success finding and pursuing a profession she loves.  Melissa shares the steps she took to help find her new career.  Melissa never stopped attending events at her school, Marino Campus.  She participated in all professional and community events hosted and promoted by the Dan Marino Campus.  She emphasizes the importance of pursuing learning and growth.  She says that one must stay connected to the community.  Attending events helps you to make new connections with people that can help you find a career that is your passion.  Melissa also stressed the importance of volunteering to obtain experience and exposure.  Melissa connected with a mentor, Gabriella Procci, whom she met through a program Dan Marino Campus had started called the Academy.  The Academy offered continuing education for graduates of the Dan Marino program.  This mentor encouraged Melissa to pursue working with the neurodivergent population.  Gabrielle recommended Melissa for an internship at the Social Mind Center.  The Social Mind Center had not had this type of internship before; we were sure we could all learn from each other.  Melissa started as a paid intern at the Center, coming several days a week to assist in social communication groups.  She would shadow Dr. Savinelli in social groups.  It modeled running a social group, which requires lesson planning, teaching strategies, and promoting opportunities for the kids to engage and connect. There is also the part of managing the sticky situations that arise.  Melissa learned to help children/teens to cope with stressful situations.  Melissa also became a moderator with the Brick Club (Brick-by-Brick Programme).  Becoming a moderator for Brick Club required her to complete a course and additional hands-on training running a group.  The internship gave Melissa a preview of what a career working with a neurodivergent community may be like.  It allowed her the opportunity to experience teaching and managing a group.  We both agreed that the best possible experience to determine your career path is exposure to different opportunities to observe and work in a field of interest, as an intern or even a volunteer.   

In this episode, Melissa shares her journey after high school to find her place and purpose in the world.  Her employment experiences and career ambitions.  Her story is one of perseverance and hope. She expresses the need for autistics to be consistently exposed to different experiences and opportunities.  This helps them to figure out what may be the best fit for them.  She says independence for autistics requires their parents to allow them to do life their way.  There are multiple pathways to finding one's place and purpose in life.  Parents must believe in their children's ability to find their way.  Autistics may need more time and different opportunities to find their path.  Melissa was candid on how parents can be too controlling and struggle to listen and respect their autistic young adult as an individual—respecting that they may have different desires than you.  Also, to respect that they may know autism best, so their perspective and voice matter.  Melissa continues to advocate for herself and her students.  She deeply desires to help autistic people find a career they love and self-realize.  As an advocate, she believes in and encourages her students.  She emphasizes how parents can support new experiences, listen, and respect their young adult.  In our next episode, Melissa will share her internship at the Social Mind Center and her new career.       

Before the term neurodiversity and neurodivergent came to be, I used the term autism mind. My son taught me 18 years ago that autism was a different kind of mind. He had a different process in which he approached his daily life. I realized the strategy was to equip him to navigate the neurotypical world. I taught him how the neurotypical world worked. How does the world work, and what does it expect of you? I taught him the neurotypical perspective, and he showed me the autism mind perspective. My most appreciated aspect of his process was to take breaks. From age three, he understood what he needed; he just needed words to express his needs. His process and pace influenced mine. I learned that you can still get plenty done at a slower pace. Thanks to him, I changed my pace and learned to live in the moment rather than my days defined by a list of tasks.  We bridged the gap between his process and the neurotypical expectations with strategies to help them adapt. There is more than one pathway to learning and living. Both Gaby and Nick needed strategies to help them navigate their school days. Gaby required more information to manage her anxiety, and Nick needed breaks throughout the day to sustain attention and stay on task. Eventually, Gaby learned to locate the additional information she needed, and Nick learned to get through the day without breaks.  We devised ways for them to meet their needs and work through the neurotypical expectations. And it was okay if they could not meet the neurotypical expectations, especially when the NT person was dealing with had no compassion and was highly rigid. Together we learned different ways to get things done. We learned together. I hope the information in this episode will help you help your child thrive. More often than not, my children would not meet the neurotypical expectations. Amazingly enough, you can still thrive without meeting neurotypical expectations.        

      Seventeen years ago was the first time I heard the word autism. This episode shares the events that lead me to seek an evaluation for my son.  How did I know my son needed an evaluation? What did I do when I heard the word autism?  This series of episodes will discuss the start of my journey in seeking to know autism. Reflecting on what I have learned from my children and thousands of other children. This past year, I believe there has been a significant pivot in my perspective in advocating and educating autistics to be independent and self-realize their dreams. Ana Anselma         

    In this episode, Gaby Anselma joins us again to continue our conversation on anxiety. We discuss medication as a tool to deal with anxiety symptoms. Some of the other points discussed in this episode:  Medication is a tool, not a total solution to anxiety management. When do you decide to take medication?  What are some of the symptoms or signs that lead one to consider medication?  clouded thinking frozen and unable to act How can medication help you?  Stop the extreme symptoms and  Allow you to explore the source of your anxiety more and use coping strategies to manage your anxiety Understand that some of us are wired to worry When the medication started helping manage my anxiety, I could better plan and expand my activities to manage my anxiety. Anxiety impacts your ability to think clearly.   How did tennis help me understand and manage my anxiety?  Help you understand how your thinking drove my anxiety How I would self-sabotage my tennis game What was your breakthrough for you in managing your anxiety?  Understanding that your thinking can heighten your anxiety Sometimes our anxiety is physiological. Your body is anxious outside of your thinking Do you believe medication helped you gain the skills to manage your anxiety effectively?    When did you stop taking medication?    How do you manage your anxiety now?    Thank you for listening.    www.socialmindcenter.com  

  Considering medication for your child is a serious decision. In this episode, we discuss the different factors and considerations involved. 1. Does your child/teen struggle with?  Attending or focusing Anxiety Self-regulation - organizing mind and body to achieve goal-directed behavior Emotional regulation Irritability Impulse control Cognitive inflexibility- restrictive behaviors Depression   2. Do these symptoms impact their quality of life and ability to navigate daily activities?   Most notably, are these symptoms/behaviors a barrier to learning?    3. What is the intensity and frequency of the symptoms impacting your child?    4. What systems are in place in your child's home and learning environment to help minimize these symptoms and struggles?  0rder, structure, and predictability Consistency  Individual Education Plan IEP Smaller classroom  Individualized instruction/tutoring Interventions/coaching focusing on skills to cope and manage symptoms   5. Journal as many details relating to the symptoms and the impact on daily activities. Specifically, document the frequency and intensity of symptoms and behaviors. Have someone else observe your child in the classroom to assist you in gathering data.    6. Consult with either?  Behavioral Pediatrician Psychiatrist Neurologist   7. Pursue diagnostic evaluation with a psychologist to seek the source of symptoms and behaviors.  Spending some time reflecting and examining the information from the above list can help you make a more informed decision. Sometimes the answer to improving your child's quality of life and learning is more related to implementing systems, building coping skills, and altering their environments. Medication is a tool that should be combined with other tools to increase success. Medication is not a tool that teaches skills. It alleviates barriers to learning.   

Healing  and Managing your Anxiety!   This is our second episode in the series of Anxiety Management. In this episode Gaby discusses what her anxiety looks like now in college. She has dealt with anxiety most of her life. In every season it looks different.  Gaby discusses what her anxiety feels like and how it impacts her thinking and effectiveness on a daily basis. Then she details for us 5 different strategies that have helped her cope with the anxiety.  Understanding whether your anxiety is significantly impacting your quality of life is an important place to start. Gaby also discusses the importance of seeking help to make this determination as anxiety impacts your clarity of thought.  Gaby shares how counseling has helped her understand her anxiety throughout her life and how to manage it to have a more fulfilling life.  Please join us as we explore anxiety management in teens and young adults.   

WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT SOCIAL SKILL? When I think about our work at the Center teaching social competency, there are many layers to teaching these skills. For those who have social communication skills come easy. We never give much thought to what it feels like for those who struggle with social, emotional, communication, and self-management skills. If I were to pick one most important skill in developing social competency, that would be turn-taking. All socialization and communication is a back and forth. Children with social competency difficulties can struggle with this with fundamental skills. There is no social interaction that does not require turn-taking. Social-emotional reciprocity is the back and forth interaction that takes place in communication. (Norris, 2018) We take a social approach to have conversations with others, and we share our interests in our discussions. Part of that social-emotional reciprocity is knowing how and when to initiate or respond to others' social interactions (Norris, 2018). Some of the skills necessary to engage in social-emotional reciprocity include: Waiting for a turn to speak in school or meeting Talking to someone Making eye contact Demonstrating something Writing a note, email, etc. These are all examples of back and forth in communication and social situations. Turn-taking and waiting are fundamental skills to navigate every day in our communities. Turn-taking should be incorporated into all teaching as it is essential to social competency (Norris, 2018). Skill: Turn-taking In the Anselma home, we focused on turn-taking daily. In prioritizing helping Nick develop communication, we sat and played every day. The play was part of so many aspects of our home life as turning-taking is part of all play. The underlying foundational turn-taking skills are cognitive flexibility (transitioning -shifting mindsets), thinking of others (perspective), and impulse control. Start by playing what they love to play or doing what they love to do. Strategy: Turn-taking takes much practice for all kids. There is no clarity as to when it will be their turn. I prefer to take a favor, and/or my turn then your turn. Often the word sharing is used; however, for kids with weaknesses in social communication, sharing can be a more abstract concept. It's a bit more precise. A foundational component of communication and socializing is taking a turn. It is not a conversation or playing if there is no turn-taking/back and forth. Build: Consistently and repeatedly model turn-taking and thinking of others. There is a why to turn-taking: we need to think of others. It is perspective-taking thinking of others' thoughts and emotions. The family unit is the first social group your child will encounter. When my kids were young and during our teen years which we are still in, I would say "your turn" to pick the restaurant, activity, or game. When my kids were toddlers and early elementary, I would join in whatever they were doing, and then I would ask them can I have a turn now. With homework, I would help them by doing a problem or sampling/modeling the task so they could see it being done. I would say can I help you get started, then I would say now it is your turn; you continue. I would also get things started and let them finish. Our family often traveled, so we would say your turn to pick a place to eat or visit since you accompanied us on our adventure. We would take turns on whose activity would go first in the day. For siblings, one child mustn't control the family. That you take turns with their requests. When they are young, it needs to be more literal and physical, as if you would pass a ball back and forth. As they become preteens and teens, you need to discuss more the thinking of others. I constantly shared my perspective with my kids and what the other person's perspective may be. It was a three-part exchange: What am I think

  Teen Anxiety in High School Podcast Episode Summary: Over the last couple of years, there has been an increase in teenage anxiety and depression. Personally, we have seen the impact of this increase at the Center.  After seeing so many children and teens struggling with anxiety it is critical to prioritize:  Listening to a child or teen Understand all their needs Ensure that they have the words to communicate thoughts and emotions Anxiety: is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.  We all have anxiety at different times in our lives for different reasons. Anxiety is a normal response. When anxiety impacts one’s ability to perform daily life tasks and activities this is outside the healthy range. Nick shares on the different skill podcast his experience with anxiety during his transition to high school.    Story:  When did you notice anxiety was impacting your quality of life? In my Freshman year of high school, I started at a new school. I had spent the last 8 years in a small elementary and middle school Bethany Christian School. My graduating middle school class was 20 kids. I was entering a freshman class of 200 students.  I was very concerned with fitting in and making new friends. Two of my friends came with me to Calvary which provided some ease and needed support. I really wanted to succeed socially but my anxiety would stop me from meeting people.  The anxiety was impacting my quality of life. I was constantly overthinking just saying hi to peers. I would be nervous and uneasy. I would wonder how I looked to other people. I would stay in this loop overthinking the interaction till I froze. What did you do first?  I got tired of freezing up and not taking action. I wanted to meet people and have a successful social life. I decided to start to take small steps by: ·      Identify different ways that I could meet people joined track team: teams and clubs make the school smaller ·      Approach peers that were in my classes ·      Challenge myself to go up to someone new at lunch and sit with them How would you avoid the overthinking loop that led to freeze mode?  Focus on acting vs. thinking small steps Positive self-talk What else did you do? Share my struggle with my family.  Sharing makes you feel better and you discover you are not the only one that is struggling. Sought advice from my older sister. She struggled with anxiety all throughout elementary school and high school freshman year was a big transition for her as well. Gaby inspired me she was courageous and would go to school social events on her own.  Gaby was solution-focused she would make a plan and then act. Her approach was small steps as well. One of my classes was strength and conditioning. This class ignited my interest in weightlifting. In middle school, I boxed and did calisthenics. Boxing was an outlet for my stress and anxiety. With this new level of stress and anxiety, I needed something more intense. The weightlifting really helped me cope and release the stress. It also built my confidence and improve my physical appearance.    The gym at my school was also a very social place, I was able to make new friends with shared interests.        

Is it Non-Compliance or inability to Self-Regulate?    In the last two months, I may have had more than two or three dozen conversations where parents share that they are getting notes home from the teacher that their child is non-compliant. In most cases, the child or teen is avoiding the task they are being asked to complete. It has always been my belief that no child wants to fail. There is always a reason for the behavior so finding the reason is important. With an autistic child, the question should always be what is the skill needed to complete the task and do they have this skill. The mindset should be a skill gap leads to task avoidance. Task initiation, avoidance, completion, and endurance all fall under the skill set of self-regulation. Autism impacts self-regulation and the gravity varies depending on the child’s autism profile. This impact results in skill gaps in the executive function which is the mental processes that are involved in managing oneself. In autism self-regulation and self-management will require support to organize their mind and bodies to complete tasks. The question to ask when there is task avoidance: what tool, strategy, resource or support does the child need to be more constructive? Not how do we manage the behavior? Self -regulation is a process internal to one’s self that involves “controlling one’s behavior, emotions and the thoughts in pursuit of long term goals. Self-regulation is the core aspect of adaptive behavior-meaning adjusting to the situation. Executive Function is a set of mental processes that have to do with managing oneself and one's resources in order to achieve a goal and involves mental control and self-regulation In the last few years, we have really placed an enormous emphasis on behaviors in autism. To the detriment of identifying the skill deficit that results in this behavior. The most common behaviors that are identified by a teacher for an autistic child are: BIG SKILL: underlying all these other skills is language acquisition (what words mean and how to put them together), for example asking for help, or a break when needed BEHAVIOR: does not transition from one task/activity to another SKILL: focus/attention, impulse control, cognitive flexibility BEHAVIOR: does not follow directions SKILL: attention, focus, listening, language processing and comprehension, working memory, impulse control BEHAVIOR: unable to get started independently or does not want to do work SKILL: initiate task -getting started independently requires sustained attention, impulse control (block distracting thoughts), and cognitive flexibility BEHAVIOR: not staying on task, scattered attention, getting up or distracted from the task with other thoughts SKILL: staying on task requires sustained attention, impulse control, and cognitive flexibility (shift attention back) BEHAVIOR: not completing work or tasks SKILL: task completion/finishing requires staying on task, sustained attention, impulse control, and cognitive flexibility (shift attention back) skills Story: Both of my kids have an incredibly unique and diverse learning style. When it comes to their ability to self-manage/self-regulate they are polar opposites. We all have unique ways to get goals accomplished. Self-regulation is goal-driven behavior. There are many skills involved in accomplishing goals. My son was under-responsive to his environment. What that means is he had difficulty getting his mind and body organized to tackle the day. Each child on the autism spectrum uniquely navigates their daily differently depending on their needs. They all need support with self-regulation/self-management because autism impacts self-regulation. So the inability to initiate or get started is not always behavior. The level of difficulty in self-regulating is impacted in autism by the level of deficit in: social communication, the inflexibility of behavior, difficulty coping with change, or other

Please Welcome! Cynthia Tobar shares with us the structure and routines that she has implemented in their daily lives to help Jackson, her son, build self-regulation/management skills.  Self -regulation is a process internal to one’s self that involves “controlling one’s behavior, emotions and the thoughts in pursuit of long term goals. Self-regulation is the core aspect of adaptive behavior-meaning adjusting to the situation. Executive Function is a set of mental processes that have to do with managing oneself and one's resources in order to achieve a goal and involves mental control and self-regulation Self-regulation is the result of executive function skills working together. Working memory, cognitive flexibility, and inhibitory control work together to help us self-manage. A significant fact is that we are not born with these skills; we acquire them incrementally over time. Some experiences and conditions can impact the development of these skills. For example, those on the autism spectrum, ADHD, learning disabilities, and early childhood neglect or trauma have difficulty acquiring these skills. The individual may experience different challenges with either flexibility, working memory, or impulse control. No matter the condition or learning differences, the child can learn these skills. Some children may require different instructional strategies and additional tools; however, systems can be in place to equip them with these skills. As essential as they are, we aren’t born with the skills that enable us to control impulses, make plans, and stay focused. We are born with the potential to develop these capacities—or not—depending on our experiences during infancy, throughout childhood, and into adolescence. Our genes provide the blueprint, but the early environments in which children live leave a lasting signature on those genes. ! Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University (2011). Building the Brain’s “Air Traffic Control” System: How Early Experiences Shape the Development of Executive Function: Working Paper No. 11. Retrieved from www.developingchild.harvard.edu. Some children require that systems be implemented to promote self-regulate/manage more effectively. Join us as we will explore strategies to build self-regulation for independent living. 

Self -regulation is a process internal to one’s self that involves “controlling one’s behavior, emotions and the thoughts in pursuit of long term goals What are the skills behind successful learning in and out of a school environment? Self -regulation is a process internal to one’s self that involves “controlling one’s behavior, emotions and the thoughts in pursuit of long term goals. Self-regulation is the core aspect of adaptive behavior-meaning adjusting to the situation. Executive Function is a set of mental processes that have to do with managing oneself and one's resources in order to achieve a goal and involves mental control and self-regulation Self-regulation is the result of executive function skills working together. Working memory, cognitive flexibility, and inhibitory control work together to help us self-manage. A significant fact to know is that we are not born with these skills; we acquire them incrementally over time. Some experiences and conditions can impact the development of these skills. For example, those on the autism spectrum, ADHD, learning disabilities, and early childhood neglect or trauma have difficulty acquiring these skills. The individual may experience different challenges with either flexibility, working memory, or impulse control. No matter the condition or learning differences, the child can learn these skills. Some children may require different instructional strategies and additional tools; however, systems can be in place to equip them with these skills. As essential as they are, we aren’t born with the skills that enable us to control impulses, make plans, and stay focused. We are born with the potential to develop these capacities—or not—depending on our experiences during infancy, throughout childhood, and into adolescence. Our genes provide the blueprint, but the early environments in which children live leave a lasting signature on those genes. ! Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University (2011). Building the Brain’s “Air Traffic Control” System: How Early Experiences Shape the Development of Executive Function: Working Paper No. 11. Retrieved from www.developingchild.harvard.edu. In this post, we will focus on identifying and defining these skills. Several future posts will cover instructional strategies and tools to teach self-regulation skills. You can find the rest of the post on our different skill notebook blog at https://www.socialmindcenter.com/differentskillnotebook-1/2022/1/3/self-regulation  

FREEZE: ANXIETY IN THE CLASSROOM We have all played the freeze game. When the music stops playing you remain still (Freeze) in place. The person who moves is out of the game. It has been approximately 9 weeks since school started and in this time we have had a common thread in many calls from our families’ teachers claiming non-compliance during certain sessions during the school day. The teacher claims that they have tried everything and the child is still refusing to work. One of the amazingly enlightening experiences for me is having the opportunity to meet so many children with varying learning differences and work with their families. We have the opportunity to spend extended periods of time with them and observer them in stressful situations. We frequently witness the freeze we interpret as means of coping with information overload and/or anxiety regarding demands placed outside of their skill set. Children with anxiety and sensory integration challenges can freeze when presented with a task that is unfamiliar or difficult for them. The most common call we have had in the last two months is our parents sharing that their child’s teacher contacted them to notify them that their child is non-compliant and refusing to work. Additionally, the teacher will state that they have tried everything and they still refuse to work. On our end, we do not refer to this response to certain tasks as non-compliance. We prefer the term task avoidance. A child or teen that has an Individual Education Plan (IEP) has learning differences that impact their performance at school. With this advance notice, there cannot be an expectation that this child will perform at the same pace or ease as peers without IEP’s. The intent of an IEP is that the child will be provided with the tools, resources, and instruction to bridge the skills gaps resulting from the learning difference. The teacher should be aware that this child’s performance will vary initially till some of these skill gaps can be bridged. So at the beginning of the school year after a pandemic with many children being out of school for a significant amount of time children with IEP’s should have additional time allotted for adaptatie. When there is an IEP in place the progress of this child should be based on skill acquisition based on their individualized goals as outlined in their individual education plan. Their performance should never be compared to a neurotypical peer. So in this article, I want to discuss the situation of anxiety in the classroom and how that can often look like a child is frozen. When the child remains still it appears as if they are refusing to work. When a child is not performing the question to ask oneself is where is the skill gap or what is the skill needed. Then the next step is what strategy that can help the child overcome the anxiety they are experiencing in relation to these tasks. We very often when seeing this freeze reaction there is a demand placed that is outside the child’s ability. Skill: Defrost Strategy: Reduce pace and task So when working with a child with anxiety it is so important to know that when the anxiety is high and they are not performing this is not a time to press forward and insist. The response should be to pause and allow some time for them to adjust to the situation. Give them a few minutes and perhaps allow an opportunity to go to the bathroom splash some water on the face or break for a few minutes. Pause - allow a few minutes. After a pause and consider minimizing the task. However, prior to minimizing the task repeat directions and do one problem with the child (sample). If it is a writing assignment get them started with a writing prompt. For example, write out the first sentence. When children have self-regulation challenges they have a difficult time organizing their mind and body to start a task. Giving them additional time and a sampling of the work can help them get started

Kindergarten Readiness - Independent Navigation of Environment   When our children are babies and toddlers, we do so much for them. They require so much attending and care since they are too young to do and care for themselves. As parents, we often see them as more dependant than we should. There is so much a two-year-old can learn to navigate their environment independently. It is at the age of two that we as parents can encourage independence and self-care. Children are starting school earlier now, either at two or three years old. They are exposed to and learn so much quicker. Their brains are sponges. Most children want to do it for themselves. Some may need additional modeling and practice, but the earlier you start, the quicker they will adapt. It’s important to remember as a parent that we are not raising our kids for us; we are raising them to go out into the world. Three critical words to know and apply in teaching pre-schoolers consistency, structure and repetition. Kindergarten has changed considerably over the last few decades. There are expectations for social, emotional, and behavioral skills in Kindergarten beyond academics. The increase in expectations is due to children attending pre-school earlier and acquiring academic and social skills in pre-school. To navigate the current kindergarten curriculum, children are expected to have a certain level of independence. Teachers are required to cover more curriculum with less playtime. There are more tasks and swift transitions required throughout the day. Kindergarten is more serious now, requiring a different level of performance. To ensure your child’s success fostering independence in self-care, communication, self-regulation, and tasks are necessary. Of course, it is an asset if your child knows their letters, recognizes words, colors, shapes, and writes. All the skills below can be developed and encouraged in your home by allowing your child to take a more active role in meeting their own needs and helping the family. The following skills are for independent navigation of the classroom: Takes responsibility for belongings. Unpacks and packs up (lunch box, backpack, jacket). Able to dress self Transitions to different activities and tasks throughout the day and adjusts to the situation. Attend to an activity/task for at least 10 minutes and stay with the activity or task to completion. Uses words to solve problems or conflicts. Asks for help and asks questions when uncertain what to do. Follow one and two-step oral directions. Talks in sentences and uses sentences that include two or more ideas. Waits turn to play with toys or games. Tries to regulate emotions properly and articulates feelings in words. Demonstrates increasing self-control. Works cooperatively (listens to others, shares and take turns). All these skills fall into these skill categories: Attention and awareness listening Social communication skills are the use of language in social contexts. It encompasses social interaction, social cognition, pragmatics, and language processing. Self-control/self-management cognitive flexibility self-care Visit our site for the complete article www.socialmindcenter.com https://www.socialmindcenter.com/autism-mind-discover/2021/4/15/top-10-skills-for-kindergarten-readiness  

This episode will kick off a series focusing on building coping skills focusing on coping with anxiety.  Coping is a skill that is critical when things do not go as expected. This past year there has been a considerable increase in anxiety in children. Since the start of this year, most of my consults have been related to anxiety. Many of the children have debilitating anxiety. We have all been dealing with much stress and loss. The most challenging aspect of the pandemic is the level of uncertainty and the disruption of our daily routines. The tension and changes have persisted for a year. This has lead to COVID fatigue. For all of us, structure and routines make us feel secure in uncertain times. To compensate for his uncertainty we must focus on the aspects of our days that we can control and provide a system and practices that can reduce the stressors we cannot control. After a long day of uncertainty and change, we need to focus on coping and self-care routines that include new thinking skills to counteract the stress and anxiety-provoking thinking. Story:  For my family and me, anxiety has always been a rather giant monster living in our home. There are different levels of anxiety, and we have always dealt with moderate to severe levels. Some people are just wired to worry. We have always invested much time in building coping skills and self-care routines to proactively manage anxiety. COVID really escalated the need for more consistent and frequent self-care. The pandemic started in my daughter's senior year and first year of college. Her college is in Manhattan; she is still attending online classes. The uncertainty of when she will be able to return to the school campus is very stressful. The drastic and continual changes at schools is a source of great stress. Now many are returning to school; however, there are changes in teachers, curriculum and friendships. Most of my son's friends were not able to return to the same school. We can agree that it has been too much change and loss in a short period. We cannot disregard the impact that this has had on all of us. We must take time to recuperate from COVID fatigue. We must also acknowledge the mental, emotional and physical impact of this pandemic. We are all weary and worn out from the pandemic. Our coping and self-care must be equivalent to the level of anxiety we are experiencing. When things get stressful in our home the first strategy that we do is: Stop/halt and redirect ourselves to a self-care/soothing activity. Our top strategy is a change of scenery is a change of mindset. My son Nick has always understood his need for pacing himself and not overscheduling. His daily schedule has exercise and resting incorporated with his required tasks. When he was a toddler his favorite word was break. He has taught me the importance of pace and how slowing the pace is required sometimes. Slow and steady is his process. His pace was his form of coping. Reducing one’s pace will immediately reduce your stress. I hear parents so often being so hard on themselves and placing strenuous expectations on themselves. What all our kids need most is love and attention the rest is extra. There are so many of our expectations that can be edited or eliminated and some require more time to be accomplished. Our impatience is a great source of stress as well. My son is thriving in high school in 11th grade and my daughter is thriving in her first year of college. Prior to this, it was a climb with many obstacles and barriers that needed to be overcome. Some children may take their time and there is nothing wrong with that it just makes pacing ourselves as parents even more important. Our mental health is critical as it will directly impact our children. We must model coping. If you find that you or your child are consistently struggling with moderate to severe anxiety, consider seeing a professional for guidance. Consistent heightened levels of anxiety lead to depletion

  What is Anxiety? worry nervousness unease Signs of Anxiety: restless, nervous, tense, sense of danger, panic, doom, increased heart rate, breathing rapidly, sweating, trembling, weak, tired, trouble concentrating or thinking about anything other than present worry, trouble sleeping, gastrointestinal problems. Strategy: Affirm: Validate the feelings of stress and worry. I always tell my children I am so sorry that you are going through this how can I help. Provide assurance that you understand as you have been stressed and worried as well. Empathize and share how uncomfortable it is to feel this way. Provide an encouraging, comfortable and supportive setting so they can share the concerns. Provide examples in case they may not have the words to communicate the worry. You can share stories that may exemplify a similar worry for them to identify with. You need to discuss with your child that you understand their fears because everyone has fears that they need to cope with. Model how you cope. You may not know the exact coping strategy however, authenticity and transparency are the best. You do not need to know all the answers just reassure them that together you will figure things out and find a solution. Access: Gather as much information as possible of what is leading to worry? Measure the seriousness by examining frequency and intensity. Is it every day, and does the worrying last for long periods. Do you see mental and emotional depletion (exhaustion or frequently tired)? Here is a worksheet that can help you track the anxiety. These worksheets can be found on www.understood.org. The specific URL:https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/managing-feelings/stress-anxiety/download-anxiety-log-to-find-out-why-your-child-gets-anxious-or-stressed. Action: Provide clarification; often, excessive anxiety can be based on insufficient or inaccurate information. It can also be distorted thinking? Distorted thinking is when we misinterpret a situation as awful and a threat to our well-being when in reality it is not. Because our thoughts generate emotions, and our emotions cause reactions, distortions in our thinking can lead us into an undesirable reaction. Answer questions or concerns? Encourage rest and quiet. Limit exposure to news or negative scenarios that may increase worry. Make sure they have accurate information about the pandemic. Add to your social media feeds that are positive, empowering and encouraging information. Anxiety Tracking & Pattern: Tracking the pattern will provide clues as to what may cause anxiety. Identify signs of when the anxiety is starting or increasing. Anxiety impacts our mental clarity and communication. Your child may have difficulty pinpointing the source of anxiety or making sense of what is happening. Tracking and identifying a pattern can reveal information that the child or teen may not be able to communicate. Resources: Brown, Annette F. Live Strong.com, What Are Different Levels of Anxiety. https://www.livestrong.com/article/97139-different-levels-anxiety/  These worksheets can be found on www.understood.org. The specific URL:https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/managing-feelings/stress-anxiety/download-anxiety-log-to-find-out-why-your-child- Thank you for listening to different skill notebook podcast for article to complement the podcast please visit www.socialmindcenter.com/parentconnectionblog/differentskillnotebook

  This past year of the COVID pandemic disrupted the structure in our lives that provided security. School and work are part of our daily routines that brought us order and stability. COVID interrupted all lives, exposing us all to varying degrees of chaos and loss. Everyone has experienced some level of anxiety this past year. As parents, we want to press forward and get our children to learning and thriving. We are in a new year with new perspectives. With school shutdowns and home learning, we have seen a different side of the academics and our children’s process outside of the classroom. This is a time to reevaluate and reprioritize what is most important for our children. Mental, social and emotional health is just as or more important than academic success. One cannot be achieved at the expense of the other. Mental health must be acknowledged and prioritized. We must acknowledge that while our kids may be capable of doing certain things, does not mean they should do them. The increase in childhood anxiety is in part to the pressures that children today are exposed to unnecessarily. This is a time to evaluate and examine your parenting process and academic mindset. This is maybe a perfect time to reset your process. Before COVID, I have always noticed from my conversations with parents that there seems to be an academic race. A huge part of the pressure is to be ahead. I have always said that I don’t know where everyone is headed. It takes 12 years to finish school. I have always been puzzled by advanced curriculums. And never really understood the benefits of being in a specific grade and working on a curriculum one or two grade levels above. We are not allowing kids to learn at their pace. We keep increasing the expectations without providing coping tools. We are seeing a great increase in children having anxiety and mental health concerns. Typically, in summer, I see parents including academics in the summer day activities with the mindset of not wanting them to fall behind. I always encourage them that summer can be an opportunity to learn social-emotional and self-management skills that may be hard to focus on during the academic school year. There is also so much learning that different experiences, such as volunteering, can do. Consider this summer allowing for plenty of time of leisure and rest. We need to acknowledge that the pandemic has left us all weary and fatigued. We need to have to time recuperate mentally, emotionally and physically. As we press forward, let us note the residual effects of the past year that we all want to leave behind—keeping this in mind as some of our kids are returning to schools at different times. For so many kids, home learning was not successful, and there was a loss of skills. We must resist the anxiousness that can arise from the thought of our kids falling behind. There is plenty of time to learn we must dismiss this “falling behind” mindset; it’s unhealthy. This mindset pressures us to adopt an unbalanced pace. This Winter and Spring semester is a time for all of our kids to adjust and adapt to returning to school, still with a pandemic looming. Use this time to rethink your process and priorities before COVID. This is a time to press the restart button and have the opportunity to do things differently. Reset: resist the pressure to dismiss COVID fatigue. Allow your child and yourself this later part of the academic year to adapt to the continued changes. Realign: do not increase the pace or overschedule to compensate for the lost time. Allow for play and leisure time maintaining a balanced speed. Restart: adjust your routines to incorporate healthy habits that may have been missing in your daily practice.  This past year we have been shown the importance of health. Without our health all else is impossible. There is still much to learn from this experience of this pandemic that can help us refresh our lives. We are still at the start of the year with the opp

  Welcome to the different skill notebook podcast.  In this episode, I share details of a consultation with a parent on coping skills.  Coping allows us to adapt so we can evolve emotionally and socially.  This past year we learned that becoming comfortable with discomfort can be a valuable skill.  We want to save our kids from their struggles however, this does not teach them how to deal with or resolve their struggles.  This past year, there has been a significant increase in anxiety for children. The anecdote for anxiety is a coping strategy.  You can contact me on www.socialmindcenter.com. Ana Anselma