WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT SOCIAL SKILL? When I think about our work at the Center teaching social competency, there are many layers to teaching these skills. For those who have social communication skills come easy. We never give much thought to what it feels like for those who struggle with social, emotional, communication, and self-management skills. If I were to pick one most important skill in developing social competency, that would be turn-taking. All socialization and communication is a back and forth. Children with social competency difficulties can struggle with this with fundamental skills. There is no social interaction that does not require turn-taking. Social-emotional reciprocity is the back and forth interaction that takes place in communication. (Norris, 2018) We take a social approach to have conversations with others, and we share our interests in our discussions. Part of that social-emotional reciprocity is knowing how and when to initiate or respond to others' social interactions (Norris, 2018). Some of the skills necessary to engage in social-emotional reciprocity include: Waiting for a turn to speak in school or meeting Talking to someone Making eye contact Demonstrating something Writing a note, email, etc. These are all examples of back and forth in communication and social situations. Turn-taking and waiting are fundamental skills to navigate every day in our communities. Turn-taking should be incorporated into all teaching as it is essential to social competency (Norris, 2018). Skill: Turn-taking In the Anselma home, we focused on turn-taking daily. In prioritizing helping Nick develop communication, we sat and played every day. The play was part of so many aspects of our home life as turning-taking is part of all play. The underlying foundational turn-taking skills are cognitive flexibility (transitioning -shifting mindsets), thinking of others (perspective), and impulse control. Start by playing what they love to play or doing what they love to do. Strategy: Turn-taking takes much practice for all kids. There is no clarity as to when it will be their turn. I prefer to take a favor, and/or my turn then your turn. Often the word sharing is used; however, for kids with weaknesses in social communication, sharing can be a more abstract concept. It's a bit more precise. A foundational component of communication and socializing is taking a turn. It is not a conversation or playing if there is no turn-taking/back and forth. Build: Consistently and repeatedly model turn-taking and thinking of others. There is a why to turn-taking: we need to think of others. It is perspective-taking thinking of others' thoughts and emotions. The family unit is the first social group your child will encounter. When my kids were young and during our teen years which we are still in, I would say "your turn" to pick the restaurant, activity, or game. When my kids were toddlers and early elementary, I would join in whatever they were doing, and then I would ask them can I have a turn now. With homework, I would help them by doing a problem or sampling/modeling the task so they could see it being done. I would say can I help you get started, then I would say now it is your turn; you continue. I would also get things started and let them finish. Our family often traveled, so we would say your turn to pick a place to eat or visit since you accompanied us on our adventure. We would take turns on whose activity would go first in the day. For siblings, one child mustn't control the family. That you take turns with their requests. When they are young, it needs to be more literal and physical, as if you would pass a ball back and forth. As they become preteens and teens, you need to discuss more the thinking of others. I constantly shared my perspective with my kids and what the other person's perspective may be. It was a three-part exchange: What am I think