Something has survived…the search for more money. If you thought that Dinosaur Murder Island Site A was scary, wait till you see Dinosaur Murder Island Site B! John Hammond is assembling a team, some new, some old, to go save the dinos from a roving band of mercenaries made up of those uncles your family doesn’t talk to anymore. And yet, in light of all that, we get the biggest surprise of all. A well-developed character, maybe even the most well-developed JP character we’ve ever seen. So pack you plot armor, brush up on your gymnastics, and please DON’T pet the baby dinosawwrs as we journey to The Lost World: Jurassic Park!
Robot children assassins! Thumb thumbs! Floops’ Fooglies! Submarine car! Make sense? Of course not, but that doesn’t matter because this movie is a BLAST. Join Carmen and Junie as they go to save their parents from evil science magic. Will they save Antonio Banderas and Carla Gugino? Will Alan Cumming just get to make his art? Will Tony Shalhoub and Robert Patrick conquer the world? Are we just name-dropping now? Grab your spy gear and instant Big Macs and take an hour and a half to become Spy Kids with us! And we cannot forget, UNCLE MACHETE.
Holy radioactive rigatoni! Welcome to the land of Tim Burton, er, Henry Sellick. Where the buildings are pointy, the parents are dead, and the aunts are psychotic. Meet our hero, his name is JAMES. And if you forget, don't worry. He'll remind you about 16 times in one song (that's right there's songs too). Come join us as we follow James and his new insect buds aboard one big ass peach as they go in search of the plot. Creepy Petes, Mecha-Sharks, Skellingtons, and of course. GHOST RHINOS. Confused? That's ok, it's a metaphor. For what? Who's to say! Nicole and James (the other one) are back after a break with the bizarre tale of James & The Giant Peach!
What's that you hear? Voices from farrr beyond. It's Nicole and James returning from their travels to take you on a new journey. What year? Doesn't matter. Where are we going? Only a majestic as f**k forest! You want some grimy, sketchy 80s? We got it. You want a voluptuous tree? Uh, we got that too (?) And did someone say BALCONIES? Because we got LOTS of those! So don't be a pretentious kneecap. Grab a taco, and join us for luck, for laughs, for the unknown as we follow The Last Unicorn!
It's 1994, and Mowgli is on the run. For crimes he didn't even commit. For he is, The Fugitive. Join our caravan as we venture deep into the jungle with some truly OLD animals. Experience a wild monkey chase, Oranga-Tangs, and SNAYKES and TRAYSURES! But beware of oily British colonizers, and don't ever give Sam Neil a rifle. What does our hero have up his non-existent sleeves? Get ready for some unexpected snake science as we open up, THE JUNGLE BOOK. And remember, you either die Wesley, or you live long enough to see yourself become Boone.
Who needs The Rock when you've got Robin Williams! Journey with us into the mysterious and dangerous game of Jumanji, full of bloodthirsty lions, gigantic spiders, and scariest of all...daddy issues. Will our heroes finish the game? Will Aunt Nora get her deposit back? And just how many people will die at the hands of the GTA Monkeys? Grab your player token, roll the dice, and don't cheat monkeyboys! It's your turn to play...Jumanji.
Ten minutes ago, I saw you. But since everyone in the kingdom has facial blindness, who's to say? Get ready for a spirited journey with our plucky heroine as her eyes full of wonder can only be rivaled by the prince she loves. On the way she'll encounter Broadway legends going legendary, a royal valet who really needs a vacation, and her own vampire, er, fairy godmother who can give mice existential crises with the snap of a finger! Will Cinderella figure out how to dance in rigid, glass slippers and woo the dashing Prince Chris (Chris?) before the last stroke of midnight? It's possible. So get to your own little corner and grab your own little chair as we jump into (Brandy's) Cinderella!
No!! What's going down in Laser Bay 2?! Come get digitized with us as we go inside A COMPUTER where tax programs are thrust into gladiatorial combat! Meanwhile in the real world, corporate espionage and greed have taken us to terrifying future controlled by AI. Sorry I meant the real world in the movie...But have no fear! Jeff Bridges is here! And no derp tanks can stop the digital messiah. Will he help TRON and Yori save the day? Will there be sufficient RAM? How many times will Star Wars be copied? Get on your lightcycles and be prepared to face computer murder as we come face to face with TRON!
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2022 was a year of ups and downs, and that goes for the movies we watched too! Join us as we look back on our grades, see if still agree with them, and then finish off with our Biggest Surprise and our Biggest Disappointment. Plus everybody's favorite (or just James's) box office numbers! And for those of you playing at home, see if your choices will make our list! The Swan Princess? Beethoven? Spice World? Give us a listen and find out!
Stand out! Above the crowd! Even if you have to go on a last minute road trip with your dad, and you're a TEENAGER. Come join us as we follow Goofy and his perennially uncool son Max go on the open road with tons of baggage to spare. Plus the luggage. Will Max and Roxanne go on a date? Is Goofy's wife dead, living in Miami, or just "lost"? What's Pete's deal? Seriously. Rig up that unauthorized fly system, get yourself a Stacey (we all need one), and crash into the boppiest banger of a concert ever as we swing into A Goofy Movie!
Good hair won't save you from the forces of evil. Sure, it might be mundane evil but we don't know that yet. And the only way to stop it is to assemble a team of heroes. Not THOSE heroes, but ones from where else but classic literature! A grizzled explorer, an invisible rapscallion, an American dude who's just there, a pirate with a ship we want to live on, a vampire who could honestly do this all by herself, a tortured scientist whose alter ego just needs direction, and an immortal scenery chewer who made us go down our bluest rabbit hole yet. So get ready for all the fights, the quips, and ALL THE GREY and ALL THE GRAY. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it fun? All we'll say is that it's a vibe, and we are here for it. Here, at the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Bomb voyage.
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You fools! You've unearthed the most dreaded curse of all! A sequel. Join us as we rewind back to 2001 for this follow up to an all-time classic. Is it good? Well, it's definitely better than 2017's The Mummy starring Thomas Cruise. Come back and hang with all your favorite characters that aren't super dead (mummies and reincarnates not included). Our lovable rogue Rick, our underused badass heroine Evie, Ardeth Bay - Keeper of the Exposition, and oh that's right we almost forgot Jonathan (so did the movie). Will they defeat the easily revived Imhotep? How much of their own franchise will they rip off? It's Grey Hawk Down and Raptors vs Redshirts. Don't get that reference? You will soon. So buckle up and watch out for Shanky McShankersons as we settle in for The Mummy Returns!
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Welcome to Hollywood, kid! See how fast your bright-eyed, bushy-tailed attitude will shift to that of a chain-smoking fish. But that's showbiz! And watch as a little cat with big dreams won't let his friends get down in the dumps, because they all got spunk (a running theme recently). The only thing standing in their way is the Shirley Temple from hell and her clay golem who literally towers over the city. Will this Grinch/Beelzebub/literally Satan of a child actor win out in the end? At least her character will steal the show. But in any case, join us as we see if Cats Don't Dance! (They probably will, though).
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Step lightly furlings! Peril lurks around every corner of this cult 90s flick. Bird choir funerals, yellow dragons, Waggs the Racist Squirrel. Our plucky protagonists might be forgetful but they've got spunk! Abigail, the leader mouse who really should listen to her friends more. Russell, the muscly hedgehog with surprising stunt-flying skills. And of course, Edgar (or quite possibly Dr. Who) who is the only reason they're still alive. Together, only they can find the herbs, to save Michelle, to stop the humans, and into the woods to grandmother's house! Their fate lies in the hands of the gods (Goose Jesus? Badger Jesus?), but their mentor Cornelius (or quite possibly Batman) has prepared them as well as could honestly be expected considering the circumstances. So join us as we go mashy mashy on these magical herbs in the harrowing tale of Once Upon A Forest.
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Holy Polynesian Iguana Batman! When you think of Godzilla, don't you always think of the city of NOO YAHK, walking HR complaints, and the Human Cheerio known as Matthew Broderick? We hope so because we're going back to 1998 to see Roland Emmerich stop at nothing to get us damp in more ways than one. What's that? How could he possibly know that? Why are there so many iguanas? Don't think too hard, seriously we can't be held responsible for what happens. So come join us for bananas tomfoolery and just a lot of bullshit. So long, and thanks for all the fish.
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Beware, for here, there be dragons! And the only ones who can stop them are Batman, Leonidas, Killer Joe, and Goldeneye's own Natalya. Sounds epic, right? WELL IT IS. Join us as we re-discover this forgotten gem that truly deserves a re-evaluation from the entire planet. Will our heroes be able to stop these beasts of burden from completely conquering the world? Will that one nice, funny guy be destined to die? Will Matthew McConaughey be able to fly, swing an axe, and scream all at the same time? Thrown on your anti-dragon fire suits and find out!
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We're back after so long! But don't worry, we've made up for it by taking almost 2 hours discussing the animated classic from our childhoods, The Swan Princess! Special guest Eli Barraza (Swan Princess #1 Fan) joins us as we dive into surprisingly competent villain plots, ugly crowns, a himbo with the most badass move, and a baby who may or may not be a strawberry croissant. Will Princess Odette avenge her swan-napping? Will Prince Derek cross country run his way to saving her? Will Lord Rogers create a musical theatre duo for the ages with Chamberlain Hammerstein? Will Bromley continue to be useless? Only Hagatha Crispy knows for sure!
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Be sure to check out Eli's podcast, The Far Meridian!