Welcome to The Dadversity Podcast! In this thought-provoking episode, coach Tom Palmer dives into the powerful topic: “People-Pleasing Isn’t Love – It’s Manipulation.” Tom unpacks the hidden dynamics of people-pleasing, exploring how this behavior can sabotage relationships and personal growth. This episode offers actionable insights for breaking free from this cycle and building healthier, more authentic connections.
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Show Notes
[00:00] Introduction to the Episode
An overview of the topic and why people-pleasing can often be misunderstood.
[03:00] What Is People-Pleasing?
Tom defines people-pleasing and discusses how it differs from genuine care and love.
[08:15] The Manipulative Side of People-Pleasing
Unveiling the unconscious motives behind people-pleasing and how it can manipulate relationships.
[12:30] Personal Stories and Examples
Tom shares relatable scenarios where people-pleasing takes hold and the consequences it creates.
[18:00] Breaking the Cycle
Strategies for recognizing and overcoming the habit of people-pleasing.
[22:45] Building Healthy Relationships
How to replace people-pleasing with authentic communication and self-respect.
[27:00] Final Thoughts
Tom summarises the key takeaways and leaves listeners with a powerful message about self-awareness and personal growth.
People-pleasing isn't love - it's manipulation by Tom Palmer
This lesson goes live inside the Dadversity community on Friday 29th November.
Scott McCulloch is the Dad who built a company from £0 - £7m in revenue. We talk about that process, what sparked sobriety after turning 40 and training to take on endurance events around the world.
Show Notes
[00:00] Introduction to Scott McCulloch
Nathan introduces Scott and reflects on connecting through LinkedIn.
[02:00] Scott’s Current Endeavors
Scott discusses his current freelance work in digital marketing and as a non-executive director, leveraging his experience scaling businesses.
[03:45] Growing Up and Entrepreneurial Roots
Scott reflects on his upbringing, his father’s entrepreneurial spirit, and his early ventures to make extra income.
[06:15] Working with Karris: Challenges and Success
Scott talks about balancing business and family life, sharing insights into the dynamics of working with his wife.
[12:00] Turning Ideas into Action
Scott explains how he and Karris transformed a casual conversation into a thriving business, combining their complementary skills.
[15:00] Navigating Business Challenges
Scott shares pivotal moments in growing a business, including securing investments and making tough decisions during challenging times.
[20:30] Reflections on Market Trends
Scott examines broader trends in consumer behavior, the impact of the cost-of-living crisis, and hopes for the future of sustainable living.
[24:00] Post-Business Life: Sobriety and Fitness
Scott recounts his decision to quit drinking, take on Ironman challenges, and prioritize his health and family.
[31:00] Thoughts on Sobriety and Happiness
Scott reflects on his drinking habits, the societal shift towards sobriety, and the balance between appreciating alcohol and recognizing its downsides.
[36:00] Parenting in a Digital Age
Scott discusses raising children in a world dominated by social media and maintaining a healthy perspective on modern challenges.
[38:00] Quickfire Questions
Scott answers fun, rapid-fire questions, from his worst DIY fail to the best place he’s traveled.
[40:00] Closing Thoughts
Nathan thanks Scott for sharing his story and reflects on the inspiring lessons for dads balancing career, family, and personal growth.
[00:00:00] – Introduction
• Nathan introduces the episode, welcoming guest Matt Tyler and playfully addressing their football rivalry.
[00:01:15] – Matt’s Background
• Matt discusses growing up in Birmingham, England, and reflects on his happy early childhood years, with family trips and local adventures.
[00:03:15] – Chaotic Teenage Years and Bipolar Disorder
• Matt describes his father’s bipolar disorder and its impact on his teenage years. He explains how this affected his family’s dynamics, community reputation, and led him to develop coping mechanisms, including heavy drinking.
[00:06:45] – Challenges and Shame
• Matt and Nathan discuss the social pressures and sense of shame that came from growing up in a household affected by mental health issues.
[00:10:30] – Finding Escapes in Drinking
• Matt details how his drinking escalated as he tried to cope with family and personal challenges. He reflects on the party culture and pressures of his teenage years.
[00:14:45] – Breaking the Cycle and Becoming a Holiday Rep
• Feeling the need to change his life’s direction, Matt took a job as a holiday rep in Greece, seeing it as an opportunity to escape his routine and environment.
[00:18:00] – Meeting Emily on a Cruise Ship
• Matt shares the story of meeting his wife, Emily, while working on a cruise ship, which marked a turning point in his life and helped him realise the need for deeper relationships.
[00:24:15] – Life Changes and Fatherhood
• Matt discusses how fatherhood has reshaped his priorities, describing the deep love and commitment he feels for his two daughters.
[00:26:00] – Challenges with Family Connections
• He reflects on the difficulties of involving his father in his daughters’ lives due to his father’s current health and living situation.
[00:27:30] – Parenting Reflections
• Matt talks about the challenges and growth he’s experienced as a dad, noting how his past drives him to ensure his daughters always feel loved.
[00:31:00] – Finding Peace and Building a Toolbox
• Matt emphasises the importance of developing healthy coping mechanisms (or a “toolbox”) for handling life’s stresses, sharing that running and self-reflection have been instrumental for him.
[00:33:00] – Quick fire Round
• Nathan and Matt wrap up with quick fire questions, where Matt describes fatherhood in one word (“rollercoaster”) and reveals his hidden talent and childhood dream job.
[00:35:15] – Outro and Dadversity Community Update
• Nathan invites listeners to join the Dadversity community, where dads can access free coaching and support for tackling life’s challenges.
We go beyond the headlines to uncover the real story of Clark Carlisle.
Who is Clarke? What drives a footballer, so adored to feel like he had to drink to forget.
Clarke shares his experiences with suicide attempts.
Covert and blatant racism.
We discussed his incredible dad, a footballer, shaped by a broken system in the seventies and eighties.
And finally Clark reflects on his experiences of fatherhood. He promotes the idea of not forcing a neurotypical world on his incredible neurodiverse daughter.
This is a story of Clark Carlisle.
Steve Cardwell is creating the most productive dads on the planet with his Peak Week model. There are four key parts:
1. Daily Gold Standards
The absolute essential things in your life that happen every day.
Examples: sleep, gym, school drop offs, lunch etc.
2. High & Low Leverage Tasks
High leverage = the things that move you forward as a person in life, in business or as a parent.
Low leverage = the small things that need to be done to make sure they don't become a problem.
3. Task Log
Creating massive lists of jobs that can't be done applies huge mental pressure.
Storing them in a specific doc which can be tackled in line with the rest of your weekly tasks makes much more sense.
4. Play Time
Going for a beer with your mates to watch the football? Get it in the calendar. Communication can make or break relationships.
Building your Peak Week isn't just about saving 10 hours a week and having an organised calendar.
It's about progress for you and your family with the things that matter.
Scott Mair is one of the most sought after coaches in the UK. His knowledge on all things dad life finds himself delivering talks with some of the biggest brands.
On this episode, he discusses 'the emotional rollercoaster' of becoming a new dad: anxiety, pressure, joy, reality check.
He also provides really practical ways to solve some of the challenges that you're facing as a first-time dad.
Laura Allen helps dads to build their career with intention.
You might be working your way through a corporate career and feeling emotionally withdrawn from the 40+ hours every week.
Laura will walk through the triggers that you need to look out for, and explain why it's never too late to make a change! You'll also receive the full framework on how to redesign the career of your dreams.
Ebiere Bolu talks through the dynamic of 'sibling rivalry.'
When you've had a child, and that child then becomes a bigger brother or sister, you're going to face some challenges driven by connection and jealousy!
Ebiere will share the 5 skills that you need to learn to tackle sibling rivalry.
The relationship expert, Tom Palmer, talks about why high-performing dads are often terrible at building stronger relationships with their wives/partners at home.
He's broken it down into the difference of skills and behaviours required in both environments. Can you guess which is which?
Logic > feelings
Efficiency > patience
Problem-solving > presence
Competitiveness > collaboration
Emotional suppression > emotional availability
"Relationships aren't a problem to be solved, they're a thing to be nurtured."
Mikey Moon brings together a really simple strategy for dads to slowly start getting fitter. There are five steps to consider:
1. Move more - really basic, but just start moving.
2. Nutrition review - clean up your nutrition. Eat whole foods, cut down on the bad stuff - we know what's good and bad.
3. Sleep routine - difficult with youngsters, but try to apply some level of consistency, even if it's reducing screen time before bed.
4. Apply structure - go back to #1 and #2, apply structure around the activity. Start planning workouts, meal plans - join a gym. 4-6 weeks in
5. Progressive overload - you're in a routine, you have a plan, start to ramp it up by adding more weight or more steps. Ramp it up!
Day 14 since the community went live. Another busy one.
Clarke Carlisle confirmed for the podcast. That's going to be a live stream inside the Dadversity community.
I've included some of the ideas and features that we're building too.
Until tomorrow!
Episode 20. Time flies! This is a personal one.
It's the 10th September, 2024. We're a couple of weeks out from launching the website and the community. It's taken so much effort and energy to get to this point. You know when something lives rent free in your mind?! Dadversity has been the thing. But I love it. I love the potential. I love the feelings people have towards the concept.
So, as a celebration of the launch, I'm sharing my own story of why Dadversity exists.
**This show includes references to suicide**
This is Scott Shillum. Dad of 2. Exceptional talent in the world of media. On the face of it everything looks pretty normal. Then you dig deeper and realise the heartache and subsequent steel this dad has acquired as he recovered from losing his twin brother, Dan, to suicide.
You know what's funny? How quickly society judges people who have lots of children.
When you tell someone you have 7 kids, their eyes widen, their breath intake becomes sharp. It's usually followed by some comment about how mad or how crazy you are - or even how inept they would be in your position.
Scott Mair - 7 boys in with his incredible wife - is changing the conversation around having kids. He's dispelling some of the age-old cliches on parenting and leading with empathy and deep thought to create an environment that fosters the most incredible relationship with his boys.
We should probably mention that they're all home-schooled at this point.
This is Scott's story. Anything other than conventional.
It's the news that no family wants to receive.
From travelling the world without a care in the world to impending personal crisis. It's a sobering story of adversity lurking around the corner.
This is the incredible story told by Jon Stanners, a young dad, and his wife, Laura, who managed to not only beat cancer, but remained totally positive throughout the process.
Meet Ben Hughes aka Yeh Yeh Ben.
An incredible musical career, inspired by learning the fundamentals from his dad, has led Ben to perform at a high-level. Suddenly everything changed. Covid decimated the industry for artists. Live performances stopped, and Ben had to get creative to find a way of generating revenue.
Ben talks about transitioning as a father, the importance of committing to something as a kid and his hope for the future!
Enjoy the show.
We were very fortunate to hear the thoughts on Angela Karanja, creator of Raising Remarkable Teenagers.
Angela talks about her three step framework to help parents inspire their teenagers with a leadership mentality: Modelling, Mentoring, Motivating.
Each step is broken down during this session, so be sure to practice some of the stuff you hear in this high energy episode. It's powerful!
Two for Joy is the incredible story of twins Alice & Tommy who defied all odds following the heartbreaking diagnosis of quadriplegic cerebral palsy.
Listen to James' recollection of how this incredible family turned despair into unrelenting positivity.
Overview
Bernie Hollywood: The Relentless Giver
Bernie was inspired by his mum and dad, who he sadly lost by the time he'd hit 23. Their memory lives on through Bernie's relentless mission to give back to the world.
Since then he's launched and supported charities to give young people opportunities, rowed across the Atlantic and support school builds in Africa.