When artist and writer Eva (@birdlets) asked their therapist for help, they ended up locked in a psych ward. In this one-year anniversary episode, we talk about surviving childhood abuse, an eating disorder that nearly killed them, a $130K porn lawsuit pinned on an ex, and the long climb back to self-trust.

⚠️ CW: sexual assault, eating disorders, psychiatric abuse, self-harm.

Why are this year’s costumes mid while horror cafés and niche coffee shops are thriving? We get into men flopping photo poses (sorry, Travis), Eric André winning, Sabrina-core, the Xbox → Sega pipeline, and how third spaces beat corporate beige. The nerds won, the vibes are local, and Halloween doesn’t end on Oct 31 it just moves to your favorite spooky café.

In this solo episode, I break down why we need monsters and why we keep making new ones. Drawing from Frankenstein, queer horror, and modern psychology, “The Myth of the Monster” explores what happens when difference gets mistaken for danger.

We talk dehumanization bias, cultural fear, and the instinct to exile whatever reminds us we’re not as healed as we pretend.

Sources:

• Shelley, M. (1818). Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus.

• Allport, G. (1954). The Nature of Prejudice. Addison-Wesley.

• Haslam, N. (2006). “Dehumanization: An Integrative Review.” Personality and Social Psychology Review, 10(3), 252–264.

• Benshoff, H. M. (1997). Monsters in the Closet: Homosexuality and the Horror Film. Manchester University Press.

• Farrimond, K. (2020). “Horror as a Safe Space for Queer Identity.” Feminist Media Studies.

• Cohen, J. J. (1996). “Monster Culture (Seven Theses).” In Monster Theory.

• Tufekci, Z. (2018). Twitter and Tear Gas: The Power and Fragility of Networked Protest. Yale University Press.

Eva (@birdlets) is back to talk spooky with us! In this episode, we map the spectrum of October: from pumpkin-patch cozy to slasher-movie chaos. We talk why Jennifer’s Body sits weirdly (and importantly) in the queer canon, and how horror can be cathartic when you feel physically safe, mentally detached, and in control. We trade childhood Halloween stories, Bloody Mary bathroom lore, and a couple UFO tales that had the jets circling (yes, really). It’s anxiety, nostalgia, and autumn aesthetics in one place with a tease for next time: the micro-revival of horror culture in everyday spaces.

Cold fronts, rain-memory, and Horror Nights chainsaws. Salem plans, pumpkin pie beef, Sonic nostalgia, VR ethics and a real talk pit stop on SAD, sleep, and why your October mood isn’t just “in your head.” Press play cause we’re carving deeper.

Spooky season used to start on October 1. Now it rolls in with a PSL in late August. In pt. 1 of this spooky series, we ask why Halloween keeps creeping earlier, how retail turned September into Spirit Month, and why Thanksgiving got ghosted. We swap school-parade nostalgia, Cartoon Network Blair Witch memories, and debate whimsical-cozy vs. gore-for-sport horror. Also on the table: climate change, capitalism, and the seasonal identity crisis.

In this episode, we break down what real hope looks like when life’s falling apart: not blind optimism, not “good vibes only,” but psychological grounding, micro-rituals, and the small ways we keep going. We’ll talk about the science behind hope (Snyder’s Hope Theory), how to rebuild it through agency and action, and what it means to treat hope as resistance instead of denial.

If you’ve been running on empty, this one’s for you.

Sources:

1. Snyder, C. R. (1994). The Psychology of Hope: You Can Get There from Here.
Foundational text on Hope Theory, defining hope as a cognitive process made of three components: goals, pathways, and agency.

2. Berkeley Well-Being Institute. “What Is Hope and How to Cultivate It.”
Explains hope as a measurable mindset, outlines Snyder’s Hope Theory, and links to practical exercises for building it.

3. Psychology Today. “How to Build Hope in Troubled Times.”
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-personal-renaissance/202504/how-to-build-hope-in-troubled-times
4. EAP at The University of Texas at Austin. “The Science and Power of Hope.”
https://eap.utexas.edu/news/lessons-science-and-power-hope

5. Our Mental Health. “Unlock Success with Hope Theory: Achieve Goals and Enhance Well-being.”
https://www.ourmental.health/positive-psychology/unlock-success-with-hope-theory-achieve-goals-and-enhance-well-being

6. Brown, Brené. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection.

7. Solnit, Rebecca. (2004). Hope in the Dark: Untold Histories, Wild Possibilities.

We start with a simple question “How old were you when you discovered sparkling water?” and end up everywhere: LaCroix slander, Topo Chico devotion, why block cheese > pre-shredded, and how pineapple on pizza became a personality quiz. Along the way, we talk about depression turning soda cravings into seltzer habits, being a “food freak” vs. “food cautious,” sushi redemption arcs, and Thai home-cooking love. Then it gets real: an Uber Eats drop off that turned dangerous, three kids yelling “ICE” for laughs, and the case for calling out your friends before the cops do. We close with a story about breaking up with a childhood best friend over weed, losing religion, finding our voices, and the weird way taste buds and beliefs mature together.

Eva is back for this episode, and what starts as lighthearted banter quickly unravels into something deeper. We drift from MySpace nostalgia and high school what-ifs to stories of secret crushes, masking, and the strange ways memory rewrites our past. Along the way we reflect on missed chances, adolescent anxieties, and how the digital spaces we grew up in shaped who we are now. It’s messy, funny, vulnerable, and like high school itself, equal parts cringe and unforgettable.

We start with a scientific (read: chaotic) burger debrief. Skechers’ burger sits at a respectable 7/10 while Sonic takes the walk of shame, then spiral into a ramen taxonomy masterclass: Hokkaidō miso broth vs. Hakata, thin-firm vs. thick-chewy noodles, spice levels that flirt with danger and why “cheap chicken broth” isn’t always a red flag.

Then I blindfold my co-host for a field trip to a Maid Café, where we cast moi moi kyun to open the door, order blue Oreo potions, get Sonic and Kirby latte art, and request Slipknot. Our maid (self-proclaimed “metal maid”) absolutely growls, the room blinks, and we all achieve post-burger, post-ramen, post-scream clarity. It’s theme park energy in a cafeteria layout, culture shock with great service and yes, a polaroid with demon horns.

Maid Cafe | Asayoru Maid Cafe

Welcome to a chaotic little game we’re called Hot or Not where the takes are absolute, the rules are fake, and commitment is allegedly 100%. We run three rapid-fire rounds Everyday Life, Culture & Internet, and Relationships & Self and decide whether common trends deserve hype or a hard pass.

Expect spicy disagreements (Crocs, self-checkout lanes), a feral rant about vegan “cheese,” and a surprisingly thoughtful detour on minimalism (the art movement vs. the beige lifestyle brand). We also argue about sticker-bombed cars as community finding and admit that cold showers are just legal torture. In the Relationships round, we get honest about ghosting (context matters), the joy of having your partner as your lock screen, soft-launching on IG, and why sharing phone passcodes can feel either intimate or invasive, depending on the scars you’ve collected.

Hit play if you like big opinions, fast laughs, and zero fence sitting. Then tell us your own Hot/Not list. Bonus points if you can beat our 5-in-a-row streak without catching feelings.

Charlie Kirk was killed while answering a question about transgender mass shooters on the first stop of his “American Comeback Tour.” In those final moments, he repeated a lie, that trans people are a major driver of mass shootings even though they account for just 0.11% of such incidents over the past decade. Seconds later, gun violence. The very epidemic he defended claimed his life.

In this episode of So I Was Told, we cut through the selective outrage, the hypocrisy, and the pearl-clutching over “political violence.” This isn’t just politics. This is about mental health. PTSD, trauma, grief, fear — gun violence is a public health crisis. And when retribution comes, it won’t land first on the powerful, it will land, as always, on the margins: Black, brown, queer, and trans people.

Neutrality is a myth. Silence is consent. Which side are you on?

Sources for Show Notes

• Pew Research Center. What the data says about gun deaths in the U.S. (March 5, 2025).

• Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health. Guns remain leading cause of death for children and teens. (March 2024).

• The Daily Beast. Charlie Kirk was asked about mass shootings moments before assassination. (Sept 2025).

• People Magazine. Charlie Kirk was answering a question about gun violence when he was fatally shot. (Sept 2025).

• Wikipedia. List of mass shootings in the United States in 2025. (Accessed Sept 2025).

• The Times. Charlie Kirk: Who was he? (Sept 2025).

So I was told freedom is doing whatever you want, whenever you want. But what if that’s the biggest lie we’ve bought into?

In this episode, I break down how indulging in every craving doesn’t liberate us, it enslaves us. We’ll talk dopamine, addiction, and the “hedonic treadmill” that keeps our brains hooked. We’ll look at how capitalism profits from keeping us dissatisfied, why discipline is actually the key to agency, and how tying identity to desire leaves us emptier than ever.

I’ll weave in philosophy, modern neuroscience, and real-world stats from America’s trillion-dollar credit card debt to studies linking heavy social media use with anxiety and depression. And I’ll leave you with one question: if you can’t say no, are you really free?

Because indulgence feels like liberation in the moment, but long-term? It’s just a prettier set of chains.

Sources:

• Epictetus. Discourses. (c. 108 CE). — Stoic philosophy on freedom and self-mastery.

• Mischel, W., Shoda, Y., & Rodriguez, M. (1972). “Cognitive and attentional mechanisms in delay of gratification.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. — The original Stanford marshmallow experiment.

• Mischel, W., Shoda, Y., & Peake, P. (1988). “The nature of adolescent competencies predicted by preschool delay of gratification.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. — Long-term outcomes of delayed gratification.

• Schultz, W. (2018). “Reward prediction error.” Nature Neuroscience, 21(2). — Research on dopamine, tolerance, and addiction cycles.

• Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2009). The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement. Free Press. — On indulgence, consumption, and mental health decline.

• Baudrillard, J. (1998). The Consumer Society: Myths and Structures. Sage. — On consumption and identity.

• Twenge, J. M., Haidt, J., & Campbell, W. K. (2023). “Trends in adolescent mental health and social media use.” JAMA Psychiatry. — Correlation between indulgence in social media and rising anxiety/depression.

• Federal Reserve Bank of New York. (2025). Quarterly Report on Household Debt and Credit. — U.S. credit card debt surpassing $1.13 trillion.

Most people think the purpose of life is to “find yourself” or “chase your happiness.” That’s why most people are still miserable. In this episode I dig into the hard truth: self-centered living is a scam. Backed by decades of research from the Harvard Study of Adult Development to Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, we’ll unpack why a life that revolves around you is guaranteed to be empty, and why the only path to real fulfillment is living for others.

Sources

• Waldinger, R. & Schulz, M. (2010). The Harvard Study of Adult Development.

• Kasser, T. (2002). The High Price of Materialism. MIT Press.

• Post, S. G. (2005). Altruism, happiness, and health: It’s good to be good. International Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 12(2), 66–77.

• Mauss, I. B., et al. (2011). Can seeking happiness make people unhappy? Emotion, 11(4), 807–815.

• Frankl, V. (1959). Man’s Search for Meaning.

What would it feel like to live with no secrets? To wake up without rehearsing lies in your head or guarding a version of yourself from the world? Your secrets are not protecting you; they’re draining you. Every secret is weight you carry, energy you waste, and shame you feed. In this episode, I cut through the myth that secrecy keeps you safe and get real about why it actually keeps you stuck.Sources:

• Michael Slepian’s research on secrecy (Columbia University) — studies showing the average person holds 13 secrets at once, and how secrecy weighs on mental energy.

• Journal of Experimental Psychology (2012) — study showing people with secrets literally saw hills as steeper and tasks as harder.

• Sidney Jourard’s work on self-disclosure (1970s) — showing openness builds trust and connection.

• Laurenceau & Barrett (1998) — research proving intimacy grows through vulnerability and responsiveness.

• James Pennebaker’s expressive writing studies — writing down your secrets reduces stress and improves physical health.

The headlines aren’t letting up. From climate disasters and political chaos to the creeping feeling that we’re running out of time.

But giving up isn’t the answer and blind optimism won’t save us either. In this solo episode, I break down Adaptive Hope. The flexible, grounded, and stubborn kind of hope that can actually survive in times like these.

We’ll talk about what Adaptive Hope is, why it works, and five ways you can practice it today with real-world examples you can try this week. Because hope isn’t about pretending things aren’t bad; it’s about finding ways to keep going because they are.

Academic & Research Sources:

• Bender, Darren, and Andrea Rawluk. “Adaptive Hope: A Conceptual Framework for Understanding Hope and Social–Ecological Change.” Ecology and Society, vol. 28, no. 2, 2023. https://ecologyandsociety.org/vol28/iss2/art14/

• Human Flourishing Lab. The Science of Hope: A Review of the Research. 2023. https://humanflourishinglab.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/HFL-The-Science-of-Hope.pdf

• Ojala, Maria. “Hope and Climate Change: The Importance of Hope for Environmental Engagement among Young People.” Frontiers in Communication, vol. 4, 2019. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fcomm.2019.00020/full

• Stanley, Skye K., et al. “Climate Distress and the Role of Social Support in Young Adults.” Frontiers in Psychology, vol. 14, 2023. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10446227/

• Albrecht, Glenn. “Solastalgia: The Distress Caused by Environmental Change.” Australasian Psychiatry, vol. 15, 2007. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solastalgia

We live in a culture that glamorizes being “always on.”
But behind the hustle, the hyper-productivity, and the constant stimulation is a nervous system in crisis. In this episode, I unpack how we confuse overstimulation with personality and why that confusion is burning us out.
We talk dopamine loops, trauma responses, nervous system basics, and what it means to rediscover yourself beneath the noise.

Episode source material:

• University of California, San Diego. (2020). How much information do we consume?

• Dana, Deb. The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy

• Gabor Maté. The Myth of Normal

• NPR: “How constant dopamine stimulation rewires our brain”

• Psychology Today: “The Addictive Cycle of Doomscrolling”

Eva (@birdlets) steps into Anime Expo for the first time! To them is was a space bursting with color, culture, and some truly questionable wigs. We talk about what it's like to be new to fandom, the weird joy of being surrounded by people who get it, and how it is to finally like the things you were once made to feel weird for. Also: Naruto ships, ethical weeb discourse, and a PSA on cosplay hair care.

We need to talk about the obsession with red flags. It's frustrating how, “healing” became about seeing danger in everything and calling it discernment. But what if the thing you’re calling a red flag… is just fear? Or discomfort? Or your nervous system reminding you of stories from your past?

In this episode I dig into the difference between intuition and hypervigilance, explore how insecure attachment can warp our perception of safety, and break down why some of us run the second we feel anything real. This isn’t about ignoring your gut. It’s about calibrating it. Because healing isn’t about becoming so smart that you never get hurt again, it’s about learning how to stay soft without abandoning yourself.

If you’ve ever found yourself pushing away good people, mislabeling discomfort as danger, or using therapy-speak to justify avoidance...this one's for you.

Episode Notes:

1. Cleveland Clinic: Hypervigilance and Trauma
   Cleveland Clinic Staff. “Hypervigilance.” Cleveland Clinic.
   

2. Attachment Styles and Psychological Well-Being
   Candelori, C., et al. (2023). “Adult Attachment Styles and Psychological Well-Being: A Study of Italian Adults.” International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 20(3), 1472.

In this heatwave fueled fever dream of an episode, the conversation goes off the rails almost immediately and never really returns. You can literally here the descent into madness. Blame the non-existent AC or the slow descent into sweat-soaked delirium, but today’s topics range from Big Bang denial and simulation theory to AI bros, tiny prehistoric humans, Arrowhead water red flags, and the possibility that dinosaurs were basically chickens with rage issues.

We talk ancient pyramids, time travel tourism, gentrified fast food, the mystery of why 2018 water hit different, and somehow circle back to the ethics of AI art. It’s pure banter. No thesis, no coherence, just brain melt and the kind of stuff you’d only say when your internal fan is fried. Come sweat it out with us.