Why do we care what he thinks if you pay or you don’t pay?
Why are you making a big deal out of it? … This is the old thing about wanting him to like us.
I’m gonna do this so he’ll like me.
This is not what Siren is.
Feminine energy is not about making the best choice to get the best man — That’s not what attraction is.
Attraction is authenticity.
Your authenticity in that moment is that you’re feeling confused.
You don’t know whether to pay or not pay or what to say, and while you’re trying to make that decision, you’re going, ‘Wait, I’m strong; I should be able to do this,’ and all of a sudden you’re in your head trying to figure it out.
I feel cherished and valued when he pays, but I’m nervous that if I show up like that, how is he going to take it? That’s old sh*t. Not power.
Power is: no matter how I feel, I can express that.
No matter what’s going on for me, I can speak that.
I do not need to try to figure out what he wants to hear.
What we’re aiming for in Feminine Energy is finding what you’re feeling, what makes you feel good, and sharing that.
This is stuff that flies in the face of everything we’ve patterned our habits and how we act around men… And we’re turning this all around—baby step by baby step.
Siren Island is my official course, coaching community - and so much more.
Join me and bring your real situations, questions and be part of Siren conversations like this one.
Information for Siren Island is here:
https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/siren-island-community-program/
Love, Rori
Vulnerability is scary, intimacy is scary—no matter how much we say we want it.
But today, how we shift our words to be soft, to be inviting, to be siren-y, like the Siren concept of creating a healing, creating the desire to make things happen. It’s activism, it’s girl power, it’s the inner strength of who we are as women. And yet, until we’re able to strip down, de-armour ourselves, really, we can come off as these warrior women.
If we are unconsciously acting in our warrior self, then most of us are also confused as to why men won’t come close—which is what we want.
So how do we de-weaponize our words?
De-armor our whole selves to let a man in?
Weaponizing words starts with us asking, ‘Why?’ ‘Why did you do that?’ ‘Why did you say that?’ ‘Why that shirt?’ That is passive-aggressive.
That is weaponizing your words. And it’s a learned pattern, handed down through generations of powerlessness.
We’ve had no choices except to weaponize ourselves in the most passive-aggressive, undercurrent, slimy, under-the-radar way of protecting ourselves and being heard.
This conversation is about unlearning all that—so that love can actually get in.
On Siren Island, Every day, you’ll have space to practice deep, feeling-based communication—for healing, for love, and for everything you want from your feminine energy.
Siren Island is here:
https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/siren-island-community-program/
Love, Rori
A man who can’t meet you emotionally… can’t. He just can’t.
But he still may be a good partner. Perhaps.
Everywhere I go—and I’ve talked about this before—I meet women who’ve divorced men, left men, or are still in relationships with men they’ve just discovered are actually clinically on the autism spectrum.
If you’ve ever watched Love on the Spectrum, it’s a fabulous show. You’ll learn so much—how people on the spectrum learn to care, to respond, to match with others… or how hard it can be to find someone who can keep up.
Because there is a spectrum.
And I’m going to say this:
We’re all on a spectrum.
All of us.
We all exist on a spectrum of how we take in information, how we process, and how we respond. We all have different skill levels.
People on the autism spectrum often have incredible intellectual skills.
Many have thoughtful, deeply compassionate emotional intelligence. They’re not less than—they’re different.
Just different than our skills.
And most of us are blind to what’s right in front of our faces.
We react instead of respond.
We shut down when we actually want to open up.
Is this something that’s showing up in your own love life?
Are you with a man who wants to love you, but just doesn’t quite meet you emotionally?
I’d love for you to join me live on Siren Island for our next MasterClass.
https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/siren-island-community-program/
Love, Rori
Once you are vulnerable and somebody shuts you down because they don’t know what to do with it, you’re going to have double reactions: “Oh, I shouldn’t have done that.”
That is a clue that, number one, he might be wrong for you — he just can’t get you. But more than that, he’s simply not used to it.
He doesn’t know what to do. He’s afraid. He’s afraid that if you’re crying, it means he did something wrong.
The shift is this:
“My power, when I cried, had a profound effect on him.”
Say that to yourself. Let yourself notice — “Whoa, I just had a profound effect on him. I cried. I must have been vulnerable.”
Check in with yourself:
Are you leaning back?
Are you letting the tears fall freely without anger or blame?
Breathe. Open up. Stay with yourself.
Your emotions are natural — they’re part of your feminine energy. You don’t need to push or perform. Simply allow yourself to feel, to open, to let the energy move through you.
And if a man says something like “Don’t cry,” shift the story inside yourself:
He’s not angry at me — he’s scared.
He doesn’t know what to do with my emotion.
But my emotion is powerful. It’s not wrong.
Say to yourself, “Thank you for being here with me while I feel this.”
This is how you create deeper connection — not by shutting down or blaming, but by leaning in to your own truth and letting him witness it.
If this resonates with you, imagine having a safe, supportive space to practice these shifts every week.
That’s exactly what you’ll find on Siren Island — my official course and community where we dive into feminine energy tools, live coaching, and powerful truth-telling practices.
Siren Island is here:
https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/siren-island-community-program/
Love, Rori
Men will tell you, "Well, how can I trust you if you’re seeing other men?" It's all just just not true.
Your grandmothers had dance cards.
This is something new that men have concocted.
Exclusivity and It's all to their benefit, not to yours!
You want to be available to men everywhere until a man just wants you and jumps up at you and offers you everything.
If there's any confusion on his part at all, you just keep Circular Dating.
Men do need time.
They need a year or two.
So what are you supposed to do?
Closet yourself away? No.
You talk to men everywhere.
You have coffee with men out of nowhere.
You absolutely do not go exclusive.
If you are in a situation that is specific and you think you need to, ask me, ask one of my coaches, and we'll tell you exactly what to do, how to Circular Date without actually dating in a way that will keep you sane.
You’ll have access to live classes every week inside my Feminine Energy Sanctuary, Siren Island — my official community for staying soft, and having the love you want.
Join us for only $33/month:
https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/siren-island-community-program/
Love, Rori
What we do in our entire lives is we concoct this mental strategy, we have put together a pattern of behavior that we were taught to protect ourselves.
Our parents taught us that, society taught us that, we taught us ourselves that from the first time we were hurt by exposing ourselves.
We learned how to do everything possible to push people away and not be emotionally intimate.
And if you really look at everybody around you, you will notice hardly anybody is open to real emotional connection, and we've accepted that.
We've accepted anger and all kinds of strategies other than the reality of being where we are, loving ourselves, being in ourselves, and not being in the old patterns.
All of a sudden it's brand new, it's terrifying, He comes close. You are open. It's
like being assaulted!Go ahead. Imagine him in front of you. Imagine he's all you ever wanted. Imagine him now actually walking towards you with flowers and a ring and food and love and a smile in his face.
And he reaches you and he touches your breast. And he just says, "You are beautiful. How do you feel?"
I've never met a woman who doesn't immediately feel terrified the moment she gets what she wants.
So we want to prepare for that!
On Siren Island, Practicing Feminine Energy tools to feel your heart, your Feminine Energy and have love respond to you in beautiful ways.
Siren Island is my official community and Feminine Energy Sanctuary, right now the monthly membership is only $33 here:
https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/siren-island-community-program/
Love, Rori
So often, we acquiesce.
Not because we’re weak, but because it’s easier.
Easier to go along with his mood, his energy, his comfort zone—than to sit with what’s actually alive inside of us.
If I just soften, smile, agree, maybe the tension will go away.
Maybe love will feel safe again.
But when I do that too quickly, without checking in with me first, something happens: I start to disappear.
And with that disappearing act comes resentment.
Tiny and quiet at first, like a whisper we don’t want to admit we hear. We tell ourselves, “I’m fine. I’m the cool girl.
I can handle this.” But under that “fine” is a feeling that never got acknowledged.
And when we keep stuffing that feeling down just to keep the peace, we slowly lose touch with our true feminine power.
But what if we didn’t do that?
What if your first reaction wasn’t to him, but to you?
This is the practice!
It’s in those exact moments—when he’s distracted or cold or unavailable—that you have a choice.
You could shrink and make it about him…
Or you could lean into your own body, your own breath, and ask gently, “What’s happening in me?”
When we respond to ourselves first, something softens and steadies. Maybe we don’t need to say anything right away. Maybe the moment becomes a cup of tea, stroking the cat, letting our nervous system settle.
And sometimes—often, even—before you know it, he’s right there, arms around you, pulled back in by the magnetic truth of your centeredness.
On Siren Island, we practice living as your most empowered Feminine Self.
https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/siren-island-community-program/
Love, Rori
So let's say out of nowhere, he's defensive.
Out of nowhere, he's just like pissed. He's cranky, right?
And he says something and you immediately feel, I want to get back on track.
I want to be loved.
what happened, he just got mad at me, and you're going to have reactions.
So we want to make the difference between reaction and responsiveness in all thesedifferent scenarios.
So the reaction would be, you're pissed right back.
How dare he? Where is this coming from?
And anger, right?
Another option would be, oh, we're off.
Oh my gosh, you know, what know what happened?
Let's get us back on track.... I'll be loving, I'll be giving, I'll be warm...
That could be a reaction and we're all different.
Some of us immediately click into anger, some of us immediately click into repair mode.
On Siren Island, we practice living as your most empowered Feminine Self.
Practicing Feminine Energy tools you want and need to feel your best all out GIRL life and have love respond to you in beautiful feeling ways.
Siren Island is my official community and Feminine Energy Sanctuary, right now the monthly membership is only $33 here:
https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/siren-island-community-program/
Love, Rori
You’re the Siren!
You’re the beacon.
He’s always in search of his emotional center, but he cannot find it unless you are shining.
And you can’t do that from your head!
You have to drop back into your feelings, into your body, into the truth of what you want — not the rules, not the negotiation.
The Want.
You have to go first.
That’s the part no one wants to hear — but it’s true.
You’re the one who understands how to create intimacy in a way he doesn’t yet. You can’t reconnect with him until you reconnect with yourself.
That’s where the trust begins again.
That’s where clarity comes from — not from controlling him, but from feeling you.
When you’re grounded in what feels good and true, you won’t need to figure anything out. You’ll know.
On Siren Island, we practice living as your most empowered Feminine Self.
Practicing Feminine Energy tools you want and need to feel your best girl life and have love respond to you in beautiful feeling ways.
Siren Island is my official community and Feminine Energy Sanctuary, right now the monthly membership is only $33 here:
https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/siren-island-community-program/
Love, Rori
If this keeps happening over and over again — yes, he may be insensitive. But ask yourself: Did I say anything?
Did I share how I felt? Or did I just get angry, shut down, and silently file it away as part of his personality?
That’s convenient for the subconscious — because the subconscious doesn’t actually want intimacy. It wants safety.
So instead of going into negotiation mode — “Can I fix this?” “Can we talk about it?” — try this: pause. Ask your little self, “What am I feeling?” And when the answer is lost, needy, angry, scared — you don’t reach for the fix.
You lay down, you breathe, you cry, you feel. You let yourself sink back into your body. Then, only then, you open a conversation.
Not to fix. But to feel.
You say: “I felt myself shutting down. I didn’t want to. I just want to feel loved.”
You do not need to negotiate. That’s a head thing. You’re not in your head anymore — you’re in your want. “I want to feel like I’m your person. I want to feel safe. I want to feel like I matter to you in the dark, when no one else is around.”
Say the “stupid” stuff. Say the Hallmark card things. “I want to be the one you reach for. I want the wedding dress. I want to feel chosen.” Say it all.
Because those words are not weak — they are true.
And when you speak from that place, your voice will change. He will feel it. And if he’s your person — truly your person — something in him will turn. He’ll lean in.
You won’t have to convince him.
You’ll just know. And if he’s not?
You’ll know that too.
You won’t have to beg for clarity.
And here’s the truth that breaks my heart open every time:
If you were to say, “I need you right now” — not from fear, but from your heart — the right man would turn around and say, “What do you need?”
That’s it. That’s the moment. That’s what love sounds like.
On Siren Island, you’ll learn more of my tools and the exact words to say to bring love and everything you want close.
Siren Island is my official community and Feminine Energy Sanctuary.
Siren Island is here:
https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/siren-island-community-program/
Love, Rori
There’s a reason we love the villainesses in movies!
There’s a part of you that doesn’t want to be the princess — she wants to be the witch.
The one who takes up space.
The one who owns her power, even if others find it dangerous. The one who doesn’t care what anyone thinks.
Let’s be honest — wouldn’t there be a thrill in being her for just a moment?
That dark feminine energy — the rage, the jealousy, the desire to dominate — is not shameful. It’s not a problem.
It’s part of you.
The question isn’t whether it’s good or bad — the question is, can you feel it without judging it?
We all want to protect what’s ours. We all want to be chosen.
And when something threatens that — whether it’s another woman, an unspoken fear, or an old wound — the part of us that would burn it all down rises to the surface.
Not because we’re bad, but because we’re alive.
If you suppress it, it doesn’t go away — it just turns inward and becomes shame.
Shame for wanting.
Shame for feeling.
Shame for being too much.
And that shame is what disconnects us from intimacy, not the feelings themselves.
So let yourself love the part of you that is jealous. The part that’s furious. The part that would claw for love.
She’s not evil.
She’s trying to protect you.
She wants to be seen.
Let her come forward — and then choose how you want to respond. That’s power.
True feminine power doesn’t come from being nice.
It comes from being whole.On Siren Island — we’re reclaiming wholeness.
It’s my official community and Feminine Energy Sanctuary, with live classes, a full curriculum, and personalized coaching. Inside, you’ll learn how to access your softness without losing your power — and how to show up in love as your whole self.
Siren Island is here:
https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/siren-island-community-program/
Love, Rori
Some men cry on the first date.
They talk endlessly about their exes. It’s a turnoff. And yet — here they are, showing up in your dating life again and again.
They don’t show up for every woman. But they’re showing up for you. Not because you’re doing anything wrong — but because, deep down, some part of you connects with them.
A part that feels safer rejecting love than receiving it.
A part that chooses the kind of man you know you won’t have to fully open to. That’s not failure — that’s self-protection.
So instead of pushing them away, pause and ask:
Why are they pouring out their problems to me?
Maybe it’s because… I want someone to pour my problems out to.
Maybe they’re reflecting something I haven’t let myself admit I need.
That desire for emotional connection — even in its messy, uncomfortable form — is real.
There’s a deep call for intimacy underneath the resistance.
What if this man isn’t just a mismatch — but a mirror?
Not your forever person, but your wake-up call.
Let yourself feel what rises in your body when he speaks — the sadness, the heaviness, the resentment. Let yourself stay in it.
Not to tolerate bad behavior, but to finally get honest with yourself.
What are you aching to be heard for?
What part of you is longing to be seen?
This man might be showing you exactly where you’ve shut down emotionally. And that’s the moment.
That’s the door you’ve been walking past.
We don’t talk about our past to heal — we talk to avoid feeling. But once you start feeling? Things shift. Walls melt.
Patterns break. And you begin to choose from wholeness instead of fear.
If you find yourself going on bad date after bad date — same patterns, different faces —
Siren Island is here for you.
It’s my official community and Feminine Energy Sanctuary, with classes, personalized coaching, and a full curriculum of materials to help you shift your patterns from the inside out.
Siren Island is here:
https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/siren-island-community-program/
Love, Rori
Charlotte was one of the beautiful, high-achieving women in Sex and the City.
She had everything on the outside — great friends, a fabulous lifestyle, success. And yet… she just couldn’t find love that lasted. The men kept dumping her.
It was heartbreaking to watch.
Then, suddenly, a man came along.
He was a foot shorter than her, not traditionally handsome — but deeply emotionally aware, intelligent, grounded, and absolutely certain about who he was.
He was a real partner. And Charlotte had to make a choice: Would she let herself be with a man who didn’t look right in her world — a world full of wealthy, beautiful people? Or would she take a chance on something real?
Are you Charlotte? Are you looking for a man who looks like a magazine ad or fits your Instagram aesthetic… but missing the one who would actually show up for your heart?
Are you pushing aside the men who don’t fit your checklist, even though they might be offering something deeper?
The love you want doesn’t come from being perfect.
This life is messy. Trust the mess. Trust your feelings. And let yourself be chosen for real — not just for show.
If you’d like a place to keep going with stories like this Siren Island is my official community.
It started as just a handful of women on my blog — sharing how the tools were landing, supporting each other, and opening up to love. And over time, it grew into something more.
Now, it’s become so much more - Siren Island is a Sanctuary for feminine energy, with classes, a full curriculum, and the kind of vibes that help you melt back into your body and your truth.
Siren Island is here:
https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/siren-island-community-program/
Love, Rori
The Question: “I’m still having a hard time navigating the sex part with Rori’s advice to touch him and caress him — but it’s hard to do that when we really don’t spend time together.”
I hear from women 99% of the time about this, and it just makes me cry — because I’ve been through it myself so many times.
If you don’t spend time together, why is that happening?
Why are we accepting that?
If it’s long distance, well, then yes — that’s part of it. But you still need to be having relationships locally, too. You’re a human. You are a woman.
You need to be touched. You need a lover. You need someone there.
Having someone long distance you care about deeply is not enough.
Unless there’s a very real logistical reason (like the armed services, or necessary job placements), physical proximity matters. And even in those cases, logistics must eventually be tackled if a relationship is to grow.
If you’re long distance without a solid plan to be together soon, you must also create a life where you are touched, seen, and loved in the present.
If you’re yearning and wishing all the time?
That’s not real intimacy.
That’s feeding the subconscious fear of real closeness.
You deserve intimacy. You deserve to smell him, touch him, collect good feelings — not just collect wishes.
It’s okay to have different relationships meeting different needs.
You can have a man who is wonderful sexually, and a man who is wonderful emotionally. You have power here.
I give you permission.
And if you’re not giving yourself permission, I ask you:
What’s telling you you can’t?
Is it a community? A religion? Upbringing?
We need to work that out together. Because you deserve it all.
Join me on The Siren Island Official Course & Community to learn how you can easily shift into this new feminine place where you feel So much better.
https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/siren-island-community-program/
Love, Rori
This is a brilliant question — not for the reason you asked it.
Should a man keep paying even if you’re well into the relationship?
Ask him: “I notice that we’re sort of in a relationship here. Are we? Or are we just dating?”
If you’re just dating — and you are still circular dating — he pays for everything. Just don’t step in.If he says, “Listen, would you pay for half of it now?”You say, “Are we dating?”And he’ll say, “Well, we’re dating.”
You say, “Okay — no, you pay.” You could do that.
The idea is — you’re starting a conversation.
If you’d like more support with what to say, when to say it, and how to navigate dating all the way to the kind of commitment you truly want…Siren Island is here for you.
It’s just $33 to join and try it out!
Here’s Siren Island:
https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/siren-island-community-program/
Love, Rori
On a date, you might find yourself smiling and nodding along while he talks—and talks—and somewhere inside, you’re feeling… invisible.Instead of pushing through or pretending you’re fine, try this:“You know, I really followed you through that story. I could feel how frustrating it was for you… and I’m actually starting to feel a little frustrated myself. I think I’d love to feel more connected—is there anything you’d like to know about me?”This isn’t about confronting him.It’s about tuning in to you—before the irritation builds, before you go quiet, before you disappear.You’re not trying to impress him. You’re inviting him into connection. If you’d like support in staying soft, open, and real on your dates (without losing yourself or your voice), Siren Island is here for you.Come join us for live classes, tools, and real-time coaching:https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/siren-island-community-program/Love,Rori
Something feels off on the date—but what is it, exactly? Why do some moments feel like magic, and others fall flat?
What’s really happening when things don’t go as hoped? It’s not about him.
💔 You’re wondering why he talked your ear off and never called again.
💬 You’re replaying the moment he kissed you goodbye but asked zero questions.
🌪 You’re stuck in your head, trying to decode it all.
Most of us aren’t actually on the date. We’re in the future. We’re strategizing, performing, and abandoning our own experience.
If you’d like more help dating that feels good, on Siren Island, with monthly classes, real support, and feminine energy coaching— for just $33/month—you’ll have a space to come home to yourself again and again and have more love.
Siren Island is here:
https://www.coachrori.com/lp/siren-island-program/
Love, Rori
Everything in Modern Siren has a slightly "spiritual" leaning bend to it.
Everything is metaphorical, nature-influenced, and based on your emotional, deepest self, while also being authentic to that.
It's essential to rely on the fact that even if you're not deeply feeling into yourself, who you are in that moment is also authentic.
This might sound like a mistake, but from a spiritual view, it's all the same.
Our judgment of ourselves often falls into a nearly religious context.
So let me try to clarify this perspective, and then we can take your questions and see how we can move into this arena.
I believe I’ve always been in the spiritual arena, but the difference lies in trying to connect with a man on a spiritual level, which often leads us down the wrong road.
For us, spirituality has largely been a masculine arena, wouldn’t you agree?
It’s primarily run by masculine energy and thoughts. The spirit resides up here, in the upper chakra, around where your thinking is—essentially at the top of your head.
When we occupy that space, we often dampen the earthiness of femininity.
Come back to your feminine energy !
On Siren Island, we laugh, cry, learn, and rise together. Monthly classes, real support, and feminine energy coaching—all for just $33/month.
Siren Island is here:
https://www.coachrori.com/lp/siren-island-program/
Love, Rori
We’re talking about vibration—and what vibration does.
Well, if we’re energy and everything’s energy, and we’re talking about Feminine Energy, then we darn well better know what that word “energy” means to us, right?
To me, energy is a spiritual concept. For me, it’s pretty simple. Scientifically, it breaks down to atoms, molecules, quarks, quantum physics—all of that. It’s really there.
We are really not solid. In one sense, we are air and water. Water is matter, but we’re really space between the molecules and atoms and quarks and electrons running around in every millimeter of our bodies.
There’s space. So much space between the electron and the nucleus of every atom—it’s insane how much space there is. Nothing.
So what is that to you? What does that mean to you?
Does that bring you a sense of peace? Wonder? Awe?
I love wonder and awe.
Does it bring you something like:
“Wow… if I pass my hand through the air—which is a big tool of mine—through the molecules… can that settle me? Can that settle you?”
It’s these subtle moments—where science meets spirit, and thought gives way to feeling—that we start to understand how deeply energy shapes our experience as women.
This is the space where feminine energy lives: in breath, in awareness, in the softness we allow ourselves to return to.
On Siren Island you’ll have ongoing feminine energy coaching, monthly classes, and support helping you live, love, and lead as the woman you’re meant to be. Join me, and my amazing Siren Private community Membership for just $33 Monthly.
Siren Island Is here:
https://www.coachrori.com/lp/siren-island-program/
Love, Rori
Love, compassion, and kindness—all of it leads us toward better feeling.
Isn’t that what religion is about?
Isn’t that what Mother Teresa lived for?
Pain is hard to tolerate.
But you, love, are a Siren—you can hold it.
If you’re sensitive like me, you feel it all: your own pain, others’ pain, the emotional noise of the world. But what if—instead of blocking you—it expanded you?
What if it opened the door to desire… want… sexual energy?
Because sexual energy is divine.
It’s not a tactic. It’s not a game. It’s yours—a gift to connect to higher consciousness.
If you’ve ever had one of those big, soul-shaking orgasms, you know:
You’re not just closer to pleasure—
You’re closer to God.
To all that is.
To what your senses and your body were meant to experience.
Let’s stop talking about sex and relationships like they’re just strategy.
You want a man who gets you on every level.
And you deserve to explore your feminine energy as the sacred power that it is.
If you want to go deeper, join me on Siren Island, where we explore love, embodiment, and the fullness of feminine energy in every part of life.
https://www.coachrori.com/lp/siren-island-program/
Love, Rori
