In Season Two, join host Krista Varela Posell as we read The Polyamory Breakup Book by Kathy Labriola. In this episode Krista is joined by guest host Michelle Hy from Polyamorous While Asian: polyamorous blogger, content creator and fresh from the Smith's Red Table. In this episode they discuss Part Two of the book and ways to prevent polyamorous break-ups.
You can support Poly Pages on Instagram and TikTok @polypages. You can find your Michelle on Instagram @polyamorouswhileasian. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - hello@polypages.org - for any questions or comments.
More on Gottmans's Four Horsemen can be found here
In Season Two, join host Krista Varela Posell as we read The Polyamory Breakup Book by Kathy Labriola. In this episode Krista is joined by guest host Sydney Rae Chin, survivor and non-monogamous sexual healing coach, to discuss Part Three of the book which goes over ways to survive polyamorous break-ups.
You can support Poly Pages on Instagram and TikTok @polypages. You can find your Sydney as sexy soup dumplings on Instagram and TikTok. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - hello@polypages.org - for any questions or comments.
Decoupling in Polyamory; a global live event, on the 9th January. Get tickets at here, at www.polypages.org/events, or join our Patreon as an Early Bird Supporters and get in completely free. www.patreon.com/polypages
De-coupling is the transition from a partnership - usually romantic and intimate - to another dynamic. In polyamorous dynamics, break-ups often include a period of transition; from lovers to friends, from metamours to acquittances, or even to strangers. In this one-off, live event - join three polyamorous and relationship educators in a global conversation about how to navigate de-coupling in healthy, productive and supported ways. Facilitated by Poly Pages, this panel includes Evita Sawyers, Andy Adams, and Sydney Rae Chin.
Join this is a facilitated discussion around the causes of polyamorous breakups, the unique challenges de-coupling presents for polyam folx, and some skills and scripts for individuals and communities to make decoupling easier/less harmful.
In this bonus episode, Claire is joined by Andy Adams, from the Growth Arc. Together they read through Life History and Multi-Partner Mating: A Novel Explanation for Moral Stigma Against Consensual Non-monogamy. The article uses a new categorization for CNM - either multi-partner or open relationship. And they exclude non-consensual non-monogamy (yay!). But was Life History Theory the best explanation for their findings? What does risk and romance have to do with one another? And do people assume the worst of one another?
This article was published in 2020, and was written by Mogilski, Justin & Mitchell, Virginia & Reeve, Simon & Donaldson, Sarah & Nicolas, Sylis & Welling, Lisa. It was published in Frontiers in Psychology, 10 (10.3389/fpsyg.2019.03033).
The Growth Arc is an educational-based coaching program for your relationships needs - whether that’s a relationship with yourself, another person, or multiple people. You can find The Growth Arc on Facebook, Instagram, twitter, and of course at https://www.thegrowtharc.com/.
Life History Theory as presented by Claire draws on the library of resources found here and you can find Sarah Hill’s interview on puberty and Life History Theory on the ‘Here We Are’ podcast episode 126.
You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.
In this bonus episode, Sebastian is joined by special guest co-host Matthew Thomas, a polyamorous lawyer from Somerville, MA to talk about a recently passed ordinance which expands the definition of domestic partnership beyond two people. Not only is this an incredible step forward for poly people, but this ordinance is likely the first of its kind in the US. Join Matt and Sebastian as they talk about how this came to be and what it might mean for us going forward.
Additional resources:
The Poly-friendly directory of legal professionals can be found here.
Diana Adams, Esq. who's NYC firm specializes in family law can be found here.
The ordinance in question can be viewed here.
For another discussion on Polyamory and the Law, see here for ep 167 by the Multiamory pod.
**Note: Matthew is a practicing lawyer in Massachussetts but is not an expert in family law. Our discussion is not meant to be legal advice, but a general discussion of the ordinance and its possible implications. If you need legal support or advice regarding polyamorous or non-traditional family structures please consult someone who specializes in this including those listed in the resources above.
You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.
In chapter 18, Dossie and Janet are talking about a stereotypical if problematic entry point to non-monogamy. A person in a dyad (couple) has got involved with an outside lover, and this is the impetus for discussions about opening up your partnership to accommodate. Although neither of our hosts have come to polyamory this way, Claire and Sebastian take us through the quintessential moments of anger, discussion, guilt, and risk-taking that you might be experiencing as you begin to open up.
You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - hello@polypages.org - for any questions or comments.
Show Notes:
Serial monogamy is introduced in ‘Ep 4 - Slut Styles’
Guilt is explored in ep 239 of Multiamory Pod
Information on Franklin Veaux can be found in this medium article,
Anger as a helpful emotion - there is a great article to get your starter, and of course the noted ep 205 of Multiamory Pod
For couples opening up for the first time, Claire begs you not to ask your new unicorn/third all your questions. Here are some polyam-friendly therapists/professionals for you to pay and use: The Polyamory-Friendly Professionals Directory, The Kink Aware Professionals Directory (KAP), The Open List, The Polyamory Loving More Member Professionals List, The “Meet our Experts” section of The Affirmative Couch.
This exercise is called ‘8 steps to win-win conflict resolution’ and is found in Chapter 17 of the Ethical Slut (3rd edition). For the full chapter, please see the full episode: Making Agreements (Ep17) and don’t forget to rate and review and subscribe to Poly Pages for more content. This exercise provides a useful framework to agree solutions for an issue in any relationship, and requires uninterrupted time with your partner(s) as well as a whiteboard or piece of paper.
This exercise is ©by Dossie Easton and Janet W.Hardy and is shared here under the exceptions related to teaching. This is a non-commodified resource produced by Poly Pages. You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.
Claire and Sebastain, 2 polyamorous people, are talking about making agreements. After fangirling over a great definition of consent - ‘the active collaboration for the pleasure and well-being of all concerned’- Claire and Sebastain talk about the power of making explicit our agreements. Avoiding legalistic hair splitting, moral condemnation, manipulation, and loophole-finding and figure out how to start making the agreements you need to open up your relationship.
You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - hello@polypages.org - for any questions or comments.
Show Notes:
Social Contact Theory is well introduced in Ethics in Law Enforcement by Steve McCartney and Rick Parent
The difference between agreements and rules by poly coach.
Kitchen Table Polyamory is defined in Jess Mahler’s 2016 article.
One Penis Policy is described here as a version of Polygyny
This exercise is called ‘Feelings Dyad’ and is found in Chapter 16 of the Ethical Slut third edition. If you want about the full chapter, please see the full episode: Embracing Conflict (ep 16) and don’t forget to rate and review and subscribe to Poly Pages for more content. This exercise provides a useful framework to share your feelings in a safe and open way and requires about 30-45 minutes of uninterrupted time with a partner. This exercise is ©by Dossie Easton and Janet W.Hardy and is shared here under the exceptions related to teaching. This is a non-commodified resource produced by Poly Pages. You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.
Claire and Sebastian are talking about conflict in intimate relationships. We have probably learnt that conflict is bad, and we don't usually spend a lot of time thinking about how we behave in and after conflicts. Dossie and Janet contend that conflict is actually a good thing, giving us opportunities to learn more about each other and ourselves.
If you are polyamorous/non-monogamous there are going to be more times for conflict to crop up because more people are involved, and will have less practice and support for resolving them.
In this episode, we talk about about how to act better in a fight or disagreement. What is the difference between venting and constructive disagreement? How do you avoid triggering each other? What are some quick communication tool to upgrade your conflict communication inc a time out, i-messages and journaling?
Check out our minisode for this chapter's homework here!
You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - hello@polypages.org - for any questions or comments.
Show notes:
Multiamory offer a wonderful crash course in ep 151, here, and also cover toxic habits in relationships in ep 223, here.
Brene Brown Netflix Special: The Call to Courage
The Intimate Enemy: How to Fight Fair in Love and Marriage, by George Robert Bach, Peter Wyden
Non-violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg
Use You're Words by Dr Stephanie K Webb
See Ep 8: Abundance here
This exercise is called ‘Treasures’ and is found in Chapter 15 of the Ethical Slut third edition. If you want about the full chapter, please see the full episode: Roadmaps through Jealousy (ep 15) and don’t forget to rate and review a subscribe to Poly Pages for more content. This exercise is designed to help you and your partner(s) to remember the good stuff. You will need a pen and paper and access to one or more of your partners.
This exercise is ©by Dossie Easton and Janet W.Hardy and is shared here under the exceptions related to teaching. This is a non-commodified resource produced by Poly Pages.
You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.
This exercise is called ’15 ways to be kind to yourself’and is found in Chapter 15 of the Ethical Slut third edition. If you want about the full chapter, please see the full episode: Roadmaps through Jealousy (ep 15) and don’t forget to rate and review a subscribe to Poly Pages for more content. This exercise is designed to help you, the reader, to identify easy ways that you can self-sooth. You will need a pen and some index cards to get involved!
This exercise is ©by Dossie Easton and Janet W.Hardy and is shared here under the exceptions related to teaching. This is a non-commodified resource produced by Poly Pages.
You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.
This exercise is called ‘Reassurance’ and is found in Chapter 15 of the Ethical Slut third edition. If you want about the full chapter, please see the full episode: Roadmaps through Jealousy (ep 15) and don’t forget to rate and review a subscribe to Poly Pages for more content. This exercise is designed for you, the reader, to consider how you would like your partner(s) to take care of you when times are hard. For this exercise you will need a pen and paper and access to one or more of your partners.
This exercise is © by Dossie Easton and Janet W.Hardy and is shared here under the exceptions related to teaching. This is a non-commodified resource produced by Poly Pages.
You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.
This exercise is called ‘How do you experience jealousy?’ and is found in Chapter 15 of the Ethical Slut third edition. If you want about the full chapter, please see the full episode: Roadmaps through Jealousy (ep 15) and don’t forget to rate and review a subscribe to Poly Pages for more content. This is an exercise designed to facilitate introspection about some very difficult thoughts. You will need a pen and some paper to follow along.
This exercise is © by Dossie Easton and Janet W.Hardy and is shared here under the exceptions related to teaching. This is a non-commodified resource produced by Poly Pages, who you can find on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou.
Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth.
Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.
As Part Three kicks off, Claire and Sebastian talk through Chapter 15 and it's all about the green-eyed monster: what is jealousy? why is it scary? should we avoid it or learn how to work with it? This episode is packed full of excellent resources on how to speak about jealousy, how to self-sooth when you are experiencing it, and how to exercise sharing jealousy safely. Claire also rants about the way jealousy is depicted in mono-culture, and Sebastian talks us through the 'relationship escalator'.
Don't forget to check for homework exercises in mini-sodes! 15.1, 15.2, 15.3, 15.4
You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - hello@polypages.org - for any questions or comments.
Show Notes:
Check out Probably Poly live show on Jealousy here
Check out Multiamory podcast, ep 217 on the Science of Jealousy here and ep 110 on Deconstructing Jealousy here
Some other good resources are given on the Affirmative Couch blog post here
Claire and Sebastian slide into your feed to give you a little status update.
After six months of hiatus, Poly Pages is ramping up to release Part Three of Season One entitled "Navigating Challenges". And we are giving you plenty of time to dust off your copy of The Ethical Slut and get ready! Check out the chapter-by-chapter recap on our Instagram @polypages, and look out for Part Three coming soon!
And as a special thank you for bearing with us, we leave you with the complete cut of Curtains by Mint Green, which you usually hear in our intro/outro. Mint Green can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. We highly recommend purchasing their entire EP Growth.
In this bonus episode, we are joined by special guest co-host Jenelle Marie Pierce of The STI Project: Breaking the Stigma®, to discuss whether non-monogamy agreements can improve ones perceived sense of sexual self-control, and therefore make us more likely to engage in condom negotiation and use. And boy, do we get in it! Reading a fantastic article by David L Rodrigues, Diniz Lopes and Terri D. Conley, first published February 13, 2019. This can be found on Taylor & Francis Online here. You can find more about Jenelle on here instagram @thestiproject, at the Herpes Activist Network (HANDS) and at her current bylines on O.School, SELF, HepatitisC.net, Kinkly, PornHub’s Sexual Wellness Center, and Allure. We also encourage you to check out PositiveSingles.com.
You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.
In this freestanding bonus episode, Claire and Sebastian are joined by special guest co-host Michael Hagg to discuss whether Polyamory is an identity, intimate practice or sexual orientation. In their 2014 article, Kleese surveys academic and activist discussions on sexual orientation and traces contradictory voices in current debates on polyamory.
While some consider polyamory to be nothing more than a convenient label for their current relationship constellations or a handy tool for communicating their willingness to enter more than one relationship at a time, others claim it as one of their core identities. But is there something political in using sexual orientation language? Could polyamory join the LGBTQIA+ movement? And how much do labels actually help us in the first place?
Polyamory: Intimate practice, identity or sexual orientation? by Christian Klesse was first published February 5, 2014. This can be found on Sage Pub here. We also mention another Kleese article in this episode, regarding 'slippery slope' arguments made about polyamory, which can be found here.
To hear more from Michael Haff, we urge you to check out Probably Poly! For more on the Young Poly Carolinas you can see their facebook here, or listen to their Probably Poly guest episode here.
You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.
In Chapter 14, Childrearing, Claire and Sebastian cover media representation of multi-parent households, how to talk to your kids about sex and non-monogamy, and how to navigate entering and exiting family structures as a solo-poly. But there is an elephant in the room but not in the book - culture. Claire talks about childrearing in polyamorous units across Eastern Africa and Sebastian explains how culture influences sex ed. To finish up this chapter, and Part Two of The Ethical Slut, we talk about Wonderwomen and the polycule that birthed her.
You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Music is provided by @mintgreenmusic.
Show Notes:
A brief history of television and diverse family portrayal can be found here.
The articles Sebastian mentioned discussing whether raising children in polyamorous households is beneficial can be found: in this article in Psychology Today, this Vice article, and this Reddit thread. There are many other articles and editorials out there.
The articles Claire speaks about on multi-parent households in Eastern Africa can be found here and here. The a specific discussion based on studies in Tanzania can be found here, and the rebuttal can be found here.
Children’s books that are referenced here are: ‘Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept’ by J Sanders and These are My Eyes, This is My Nose, This is My Vulva, These are My Toes by Lexx Brown James
Check out Sex Positive Families on Instagram for sex positive resources, booklists, podcasts and blogs.
Healthline offers a platform for queer sex-ed, available here.
An interesting article on the ways your family can protect multi-parent living a rights-based way is found on LGBT Bar here.
Other podcast episodes to check out:
The Multiamory podcast, episode 171, is available here, on raising children featuring E Sheff.
The KNP podcast, episode 4, is available here, on Prof Marston and Wonderwomen.
For more on the Dominance Submission model of behavior pioneered by Marston please see the history of DiSC.
