In this episode of More Than Roommates, Gabrielle, Derek, and Scott discuss non-negotiables, preferences, wise process, and why commitment to a local body is essential for your spiritual growth and your marriage. They discuss what to do when you and your spouse don’t see eye-to-eye.
Scriptures:
Hebrews 10:23-25
Acts 2:42-47
1 Corinthians 12
Romans 12
PS 19:14
Questions to Discuss:
1. What are our top five non-negotiables for a church? Where are we currently aligned—and where are we not?
2. How are we currently using our gifts to build up the body (1 Cor 12; Rom 12)? What’s one next step we can take to use our gifts?
3. If we’re considering a change, have we fasted, prayed, and invited community/leadership into the decision?
4. What past church experiences (good or painful) might be shaping our expectations today?
Resources:
Sacred Pathways, by Gary Thomas
In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss some conversations couples that strengthen oneness every day. Couples won’t find the satisfaction, joy, and happiness they desire apart from intentional conversations with one another.
Scriptures:
Genesis 2:25
Galatians 6:2
1 Peter 5:7
Psalm 55:22
Psalm 139:14
Deut 31:6
Phil 4:8
Questions to Discuss:
1. Which one of you is more of the talker in your relationship/marriage?
2. On a scale of 1–10, how would you rate our marriage this week—and why?
3. What are you currently into (Scripture insight, song, show, book, podcast) and why does it resonate?
4. Share one future hope or dream—how might God use us there?
5. What one small daily or weekly rhythm would help us keep these five conversations going?
Resources:
Article - People in the Happiest Relationships Talk about 5 Things Every Day
One of Scott’s favorite Instagram followers - Everydaywithhk
In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott unpack four marriage trends—crisis of resilience, digital disconnect, financial anxiety, and blurred lines between work and home—and offer practical ways to push back with biblical wisdom. We hope this episode helps you move from “roommates” to a joy-filled, God-honoring marriage.
Scriptures:
1 Cor 7:28
John 16:33
MT 7:24-27
Col 3:23
1 Cor 10:31
Jeremiah 17:5-8
Questions to Discuss:
1. Where have we expected marriage to be “easy,” and how can we build grit (perseverance + hope) together this month?
2. What are our top two phone/tech boundaries for date nights, evenings, and weekends? (Be specific: chargers, baskets, Focus modes, no-phone zones.)
3. What’s driving our financial anxiety—math, lifestyle, or comparison? What’s one action we’ll take this week (budget meeting, cut a subscription, set a savings/giving goal)?
4. How are our work/home lines blurred right now? Name one habit to protect family time (e.g., no email after 6pm, a daily shutdown ritual, office hours).
Resources:
FamilyLife Today hosts Dave & Ann Wilson join Scott & Gabrielle to talk about Ann’s new book, How to Speak Life to Your Husband When All You Want to Do Is Yell at Him—and why a wife’s voice carries unique power. We cover practical ways to shift from critique to encouragement, how prayer re-wires our minds, and how both spouses can speak truth in love without tearing each other down.
Scriptures:
Genesis 3
Proverbs 18:21
James 3:1-12
Romans 12:2
Resources:
Book – Ann Wilson, with Davd Wilson - How to Speak Life to Your Husband: When All You Want to Do Is Yell at Him
Dave & Ann’s podcast – FamilyLife Today
Follow Dave & Anne on Instagram
Questions to Discuss:
1. When you think about the tone of your home lately, do your words feel more like “life” or more like “boo”? Give specific examples—gently.
2. What is one concrete way you can speak life to your spouse this week (phrase, text, public praise in front of the kids, written note, etc.)?
3. How can you start (or restart) praying together in a way that’s realistic—time of day, length, and format (out loud, texted prayer, voicemail)?
In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott have a candid, biblical conversation about the “sexless marriage”—why it happens, how pornography, busyness, medical issues, and poor communication play a role, and what couples can do to rebuild connection. They offer practical steps so you can move from roommates back to one-flesh intimacy.
Questions to Discuss:
1. In our season right now, does sex feel more like a thermometer (just reporting our temperature) or a thermostat (able to change it)? Why?
2. When was the last time we each felt truly pursued and enjoyed by the other? What specific actions helped?
3. What would make it safer for us to share desires, preferences, and fears about sex?
4. How can we renew the covenant this week in a way that is tender, unhurried, and mutually honoring?
Scriptures:
Ephesians 4:27
1 Corinthians 7:3-5
Resources:
Book - Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference by Shaunti Feldhahn & Michael Sytsma
Article – The Sex Recession
Book – Reconnected – Greg & Erin Smalley
More Than Roommates Interviews with Juli Slattery – Surrendered Sexuality & Sexual Abuse
Many couples treat money like “yours” and “mine,” but Scripture calls us to live as “one flesh”—and that includes our finances. In this episode Derek, Garielle, and Scott talk about joint accounts, transparency, and simple rhythms that move you from roommates to true financial intimacy.
Scriptures:
Genesis 2:24
Psalm 24:1
Psalm 50:10
Questions to Discuss:
1. Do you and your spouse share food?
2. Why does it matter whether you merge your bank accounts or not?
3. When you hear “one flesh financially,” what excites you and what scares you? Why?
4. If you keep (or want) separate accounts, what heart-level reasons are driving that (control, fear, secrecy, past hurt, convenience)?
5. What weekly or bi-weekly money rhythm would help us communicate (budget review, giving/prayer, upcoming expenses, savings goals)?
Resources:
Watermark - Moneywise Ministry Resources
Ramsey - Financial Peace University
Marriage is often described as hard—but it’s also one of God’s greatest gifts of joy. In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott share biblical wisdom, stories, and practical ways to cultivate gladness, gratitude, and fun in your marriage.
Scriptures:
1 Cor 7:28
John 16:33
MT 7:24-27
John 10:10
Discussion Questions:
1. What small things bring joy and laughter into your marriage right now?
2. Are there habits you’ve let go of (like creative dates or playful traditions) that you want to bring back?
3. How can you speak more positively about your marriage to others—without ignoring the hard parts?
4. What’s one practical step you can take this week to pursue gladness together?
Resources:
Book - Anatomy of an Affair: How Affairs, Attractions, and Addictions Develop, and How to Guard Your Marriage Against Them, by Dave Carder
Book – The Ready or Knot Prayer Guide, by Scott Kedersha
In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott welcome back Dr. Juli Slattery to discuss her newest book, Surrendered Sexuality. Together they unpack why sexual struggles are always spiritual struggles, how identity in Christ transforms intimacy, and what it looks like to invite God into this vulnerable area of marriage
Scriptures:
Psalm 139:7-8
Romans 12:1-2
Resources:
Juli’s book – Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes… Everything
Episode 127 – Healing From Sexual Abuse (feat. Juli Slattery)
Juli’s Ministry and Podcast - Authentic Intimacy, Java with Juli
Questions to Discuss:
1. Do you find it difficult to invite God into conversations about sex and intimacy in your marriage? Why or why not?
2. How does culture influence the way you and your spouse think about sex? In what ways do you need to realign with a biblical mindset?
3. What’s one part of your life—or marriage—you’ve struggled to surrender to Jesus?
In this episode, the More Than Roommates team tackles one of the most quoted—and misunderstood—marriage verses: “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” They unpack what Ephesians 4:26 really means, why staying up until 2 a.m. fighting isn’t always wise, and practical ways to resolve conflict quickly without giving the enemy a foothold in your marriage.
Scriptures:
Ephesians 4:25-27
Ephesians 4:3
Romans 12:18
Questions to Discuss:
1. What are your sleeping habits as a couple?
2. How have you as a couple interpreted “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger” in your marriage? Has it helped or hurt you?
3. When you're in conflict late at night, what’s your agreed-upon plan—keep talking, or hit pause and revisit?
4. What “pre-decisions” could you make (e.g., never sleeping on the couch in anger) to protect unity in your relationship?
5. Are there busy schedules or commitments keeping you from connecting before the late-night hours? If so, what changes could you make?
In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott talk about cohabitation and whether couples should live together before marriage (Hint: the answer is “no”). We discuss the dangers of acting like a married couple before you make the covenant commitment marriage requires.
Scriptures:
Hebrews 13:4
Romans 12:1-2
Genesis 2:24-25
1 Corinthians 6:18
John 4
Ephesians 5:15
Questions to Discuss:
1. How do you think our culture’s view of living together before marriage differs from God’s design?
2. How have you seen “playing married” cause harm — in your own story or in others’?
3. If you lived together before marriage, what conversations of repentance, grace, or reflection might be helpful now?
4. How can we lovingly encourage friends or family members who are considering living together before marriage?
Resources:
Author and speaker Arlene Pellicane joins the More Than Roommates team to talk about her new book Making Marriage Easier and the four simple decisions that can transform your relationship. From practicing gratitude to setting tech boundaries, Arlene offers practical, biblical, and fun ways to move from “just roommates” to a thriving marriage.
Scriptures:
Gen 1:28
Gen 2:24
1 Thess 5:16-18
Questions to Discuss:
1. How can you and your spouse better cultivate a culture of gratitude in your marriage?
2. Which of the four decisions—play by the rules, give thanks, serve your spouse, take fun seriously—comes most naturally to you, and which is most challenging?
3. How has technology helped or hurt your connection as a couple? What boundaries might help protect your relationship?
4. When was the last time you had truly fun, joyful time together? How can you make that more regular?
Resources:
Arlene’s latest book - Making Marriage Easier: How to Love (and Like) Your Spouse for Life
Follow Arlene on Instagram
Arlene’s Website: ArlenePellicane.com and Making Marriage Easier site.
Arlene’s Podcast – Happy Home Podcast
Every marriage has warning lights—subtle indicators that something needs attention. In this episode of More Than Roommates, Scott, Derek, and Gabrielle talk through four key warning signs to watch for in your marriage and practical ways to address them before they turn into bigger problems.
Scriptures:
1 Peter 3:7
PR 27:12
Galatians 6:7-8
1 Cor 6:18
1 Cor 10:12
Questions to Discuss:
1. When was the last time you and your spouse laughed together? What could you do this week to create more fun moments?
2. How connected do you feel to your spouse right now on a scale of 1–10? What would help you move up one point?
3. Are there any unresolved conflicts between you that need to be addressed?
4. In what ways are you guarding your marriage against unhealthy boundaries with the opposite sex?
5. How are you growing spiritually together? What’s one step you can take this week to pursue God as a couple?
Resources:
Book - Making Marriage Easier, by Arlene Pellicane
MTR Episode 109 - Marriage Myth: We Think We’re Healthy Because We Don’t Fight (feat. Greg & Erin Smalley)
Too many couples wait years before seeking help in their marriage—often after unhealthy patterns are deeply rooted. In this episode, Gabrielle, Derek, and Scott challenge listeners to fight that tendency by asking for help early, engaging in community, and regularly checking in with one another before problems really settle in.
Scriptures:
Proverbs 19:11
Proverbs 18:2
Eph 4:26-27
Questions to Discuss:
1. If you see something broken in your house, what do you do?
2. Are there any “small cracks” in our marriage we’ve been ignoring?
3. What keeps us from asking for help—pride, fear, apathy, comparison?
4. What’s one way we can bring others into our marriage to speak life and truth?
In this episode of More Than Roommates, the MTR team interviews Gabe and Rebekah Lyons about their new book, The Fight For Us. The Lyons share vulnerably about their journey through conflict, emotional intimacy, and the realities of mental health in marriage. They unpack practical tools from their new book The Fight for Us, including how to support your spouse, move from isolation to connection, and keep fighting for each other when life gets hard.
Scriptures:
John 16:33
1 Peter 3:7
Questions to Discuss:
1. What is one way we can “fight for us” instead of fighting against each other this week?
2. Take Gabe & Rebekah’s Marriage Quiz. What’s your default response in the “dysfunctional dance”? (Silent, Intense, Avoidant, Anxious). How does that affect your marriage?
3. In what ways can I better support you during seasons of anxiety, stress, or discouragement?
4. What are some of your strengths I can celebrate more often?
Resources:
Book – The Fight For Us: Overcome What Divides to Build a Marriage That Thrives, Rebekah & Gabe Lyons
Learn more about Gabe Lyons & Rebekah Lyons
THINQMedia.com & THINQ Summit 2025
Free Marriage Quiz - What’s Your Dance?
Gabe & Rebekah’s Marriage & Parenting Retreat
The Fight For Us Podcast Series (14 episode series) Apple & Spotify
In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott dive into the often controversial and deeply personal topic of modesty—what we wear, why we wear it, and how it impacts our spouse, our marriage, and our walk with the Lord.
Scriptures:
1 Tim 2:9-10
1 Peter 3:3-4
Romans 12:2
PS 139:14
Questions to Discuss:
1. When you get dressed, what drives your clothing choices—comfort, attention, insecurity, or something else?
2. How do you feel about what your spouse wears in public or posts online? Have you talked about this before?
3. What would it look like to honor God, your spouse, and others through the way you dress and present yourself?
4. Are there any unspoken assumptions or double standards in your marriage regarding modesty?
Most affairs don’t begin in a hotel room—they start with unnoticed compromise and poor decisions in the workplace. In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss the sobering reality of workplace temptation and offer practical, biblical strategies to protect and strengthen your marriage.
Scriptures:
2 Corinthians 12:9
Matthew 5:27-30
1 Corinthians 10:12
Resources:
Jordan Raynor Newsletter - 85% of affairs start at work. Here are 3 ways to stay pure.
Questions to Discuss:
1. Are there any boundaries we need to revisit or establish when it comes to work relationships with the opposite sex?
2. How do we communicate when one of us has to travel or work closely with someone of the opposite sex?
3. In what ways can we invite community into this area of our lives for prayer and accountability?
4. What “commitment devices” or proactive safeguards could we put in place to protect our marriage?
How should couples talk about health, body image, and physical changes over time without shaming or hurting one another? In this episode of More Thann Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott have an authentic, biblical, and practical conversation about pursuing health and wellness in marriage, and why honoring God with your body matters more than chasing perfection or appearances.
Scriptures:
1 Cor 10:31
1 Cor 6:19-20
Gen 2:24
PR 21:9
1 Pet 3:15
Gal 6:1
Questions to Discuss:
1. What was your family’s view of health growing up? How does that influence your habits today?
2. Why do you think it’s hard for most couples to discuss wellness, eating, exercise, etc…?
3. What is the goal of your desires to pursue health and wellness?
4. How can you and your spouse help other to be healthy? How could we make this a shared pursuit—meals, walks, fitness, prayer—for the sake of unity and companionship?
Resources:
Book – Every Body Matters, by Gary Thomas
Last week’s More Than Roommates – How to Stay Attracted & Attractive in Marriage
What do you do when you're not as physically attracted to your spouse—or when your body or theirs begins to change? In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how to retrain your mind, feed your eyes on what is good, and build a marriage rooted in character, commitment, and mission—not just physical chemistry.
Scriptures:
MT 6:22-23
MT 5:27-28
PR 5:18-19
PR 31:30
1 Sam 16:7
Questions to Discuss:
1. What voices (shows, music, media, social media) are shaping your perception of attraction right now?
2. Have either of you experienced changes in attraction during your marriage? How did you work through it?
3. What practical steps could you each take to build gratitude and delight in your spouse?
In this episode of More Than Roommates, Gabrielle, Derek, and Scott explore what it means to be on mission together as a couple. Whether you’re raising kids, leading a class, or serving behind the scenes, a shared purpose breathes life into your marriage and moves you from being just roommates to intentional partners in the gospel.
Let us know if you have any feedback on these shorter/mini episodes!
Scriptures:
Ecc 4:9-12
Acts 20:24
Eph 2:10
Eph 5:15-17
Questions to Discuss:
1. How have you seen God use your unique gifts and passions together?
2. How do you make room for each other to use the gifts God has given to you and your spouse?
3. What does it look like for you and your spouse to be on mission together?
4. Are there areas where you’re drifting into apathy instead of pursuing purpose?
5. What small step could you take this week to be more intentionally on mission together?
In this episode, Gabrielle, Derek, and Scott discuss what it means to build an intentional marriage using four categories: what you want to know, be, do, and experience together. In this mini episode we encourage couples to dream together and define their marriage vision through Scripture, spiritual disciplines, and fun experiences.
Let us know if you have any feedback on these shorter/mini episodes!
Questions to Discuss:
1. What do we want to KNOW about marriage, and about each other?
2. What kind of people do we want to BE in our marriage (character, values)?
3. What do we want to DO together—skills we want to learn or improve?
4. What do we want to EXPERIENCE—trips, hobbies, or memory-making moments?
5. Which Scripture could serve as a guiding verse for our marriage?
Scriptures:
1 Peter 3:7
Gal 5:22-23
Eph 4:2-3
2 Tim 2:4
Acts 20:24
Phil 2:1-11
Resources:
MTR Episode 3 – The Biblical Vision and Picture of Marriage
Book – Making Marriage Easier, by Arlene Pellicane
Book – The Know/Be/Do/Experience framework comes from The Intentional Father, by Jon Tyson