In this episode of #mensexpleasure, I speak with Annette Benedetti—Portland-based sex and intimacy coach, writer, and host of the acclaimed show Talk Sex With Annette—about reclaiming pleasure, power, and connection through curiosity and compassion. Ranked in the top 2.5% of podcasts globally, Annette’s work dives deep into taboo-breaking conversations around kink, trauma, and empowerment, informed by both her professional expertise and lived experience as a survivor.
We explore how cultural narratives and trauma shape our relationship with sexuality, the body, and intimacy—and how healing begins with awareness, consent, and curiosity. Annette shares practical insights on rebuilding trust and sensation after trauma, moving away from performance-based sex toward mutual exploration, and helping men appreciate their own bodies as worthy of pleasure and beauty.
A raw, empowering conversation about dismantling shame, embracing embodiment, and creating space for authentic healing and pleasure.
Key Points:
@ 0:52 Barriers to embracing feminine power
@ 4:39 Navigating trauma and its impacts
@ 9:43 Rebuilding trust and sensation after trauma
@ 16:31 Reframing goals and expectations around sex
@ 47:30 Appreciating the male form and body
Relevant Links:Annette Benedetti Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/annettebenedetti/Annette Benedetti YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@talksexwithannette
In this episode of #mensexpleasure, I speak with Honey Brooks, a rural Australian mum, top OnlyFans creator, and bold voice redefining modern relationships—about navigating stigma, intimacy, and authenticity in the adult industry. From building a million-dollar business on her family farm to creating content with her husband, Honey shares her journey of creating content with her husband, including the importance of communication, trust, and respecting boundaries when sex and work intersect. We explore subscriber relationships, the responsibilities of adult creators, and the importance of fostering healthier conversations about sexuality. A candid and empowering dialogue on shame, connection, and writing your own rules.Key Points:
@ 0:00 Introductions and background
@ 3:30 Navigating disclosure and stigma
@ 8:57 Creating content with a partner
@ 27:41 Audience and subscriber relationships
@ 42:39 Reflections on the adult industry
@ 48:43 Closing thoughts
Relevant links:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/honeyybrooks/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@honeybrooks_
In this episode of #mensexpleasure, I speak again with Leah Carey—sex and relationship coach based in the US who specializes in supporting people recovering from high-control or narcissistic abuse backgrounds. This time, we explore how trauma impacts intimacy, consent, and sexual connection. She explains how constant stress and lack of autonomy in childhood wire the brain for hypervigilance and fear, reducing creative problem-solving and shaping long-term challenges in relationships. We discuss why common self-care practices like meditation or journaling can be triggering for survivors, and explore trauma-sensitive alternatives that feel safer and more accessible. Leah also unpacks the complexities of intimacy and consent for those with trauma histories, including people-pleasing tendencies, blurred boundaries, and strategies for cultivating safe, pleasurable experiences. A deeply compassionate dialogue on recovery, autonomy, and reclaiming intimacy after control.
Key Points
@ 4:36 Impact of trauma on brain development
@ 12:27 Challenges with common self-care practices
@ 18:37 Navigating intimacy and consent
@ 50:59 Recap and resources
Relevant Links
Leah Carey Website: www.leahcarey.com
Leah’s Substack: https://xoleahcarey.substack.com/
Leah Carey Instagram: @goodgirlstalk
In this episode of #mensexpleasure, I speak with Lex Nyree, Melbourne-based sexologist, educator, and advocate for destigmatizing sexual health about the importance of open, shame-free conversations around STIs. With a background in youth and social work and currently completing her Master of Sexology, Lex brings a unique perspective to reducing stigma and normalizing topics often considered taboo. We discuss her practical and compassionate approach to STI education, focusing on common infections, transmission, treatment, and the role of disclosure and consent in building healthy intimacy. Lex also shares how resources like Let Them Know and creative educational tools can support people in navigating these conversations. A powerful dialogue on sexual health, communication, and breaking down stigma to create more informed and connected experiences of sex.
Key Points:
@ 1:51 Importance of destigmatizing STIs
@ 6:16 Strategies for STI education and prevention
@ 26:58 Disclosure and consent around STIs
@ 36:40 Understanding STI transmission and risk factors
@ 47:26 Resources and reliable information
Relevant Links:
Lex Nyree Instagram: @sexwithlexmelb
In this episode of #mensexpleasure, I speak with Rob Kancler, men’s coach and facilitator drawing on Tantra, Taoism, and somatic practices about the developmental journey of male sexuality and intimacy. Rob shares how early experiences of isolation and confusion shape men’s long-term challenges with self-esteem, connection, and performance. We explore the role of the nervous system in intimacy, unpacking how fear-based responses like fight, flight, freeze, and fawn often disrupt presence and pleasure. Rob and I discuss reframing masculinity and responsibility in relationships, shifting away from rigid scripts toward curiosity, creativity, and authentic communication. A rich conversation on cultivating embodied intimacy, regulating the nervous system, and redefining what it means to lead with presence in sex and relationships.
Key Points:
@1:19 The development of male and intimacy
@4:29 Nervous system awareness and fear-based responses
@17:34 Reframing masculinity and responsibility in intimacy
@1:14:21 Closing reflections and resources
On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I continue my conversation with Professor Alan McKee, who has spent decades studying pornography, pleasure, and sexual development. We dive into the legitimate problems with mainstream porn, including its narrow focus on penetration at the expense of female pleasure, its reinforcement of unrealistic beauty standards, and its lack of consent modeling. Alan and I also discuss how habitual porn use can create rigid “erotic pathways” that don’t always translate to real-life encounters, and why strategies for more mindful consumption are key. Together, we reflect on what it would take for sexual media to better represent diversity, consent, and connection, and how healthier pathways can support more positive experiences of sexuality.
Key Points:
2:10 Lack of variety in practices
15:38 Unrealistic beauty standards
23:27 Lack of consent modeling
36:16 Habitual and compulsive use
50:23 Recap and future directions
On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I interview Professor Alan McKee, who has spent nearly three decades researching pornography and healthy sexual development. We discuss the need to include heterosexual men in sexual health conversations, debunk common myths about pornography, and emphasise the importance of open communication and sex education for healthy sexual attitudes. We also touch on the cultural shame surrounding sexuality and conclude with plans for a follow-up discussion on the real issues related to pornography.
Key points:
02:30 Research on Pornography and Sexual Health
06:17 Personal Stories of Shame and Sexuality
11:27 Misconceptions and Myths about Pornography
16:33 Youth and Exposure to Pornography
31:45 Debunking the Escalation Myth
41:57 Conclusion and Future Discussion
This episode of #mensexpleasure is a compilation of shorter videos I've posted on my social media over the last year about sex education. I delve into this contentious issue, addressing and debunking the talking points propagated by conservative commentators such as Candace Owens, Matt Walsh, and Ben Shapiro. I summarise the historical context of sex education, clarify misconceptions, and provide evidence against claims that sex education sexualises students, leads to increased sexual activity, or contributes to a rise in STIs. I also critique the rationale behind abstinence-only education and highlight the benefits of comprehensive sexuality education, including its role in reducing teen pregnancies and preventing sexual violence. Finally, this episode emphasises the importance of understanding the political and ethical motives driving opposition to sex ed and advocates for informed, reality-based discussions on the topic.
Key Points:
00:51 Historical Context of Sex Education in Schools
04:51 Conservative Critiques and Counterarguments
18:42 The Role of Parents in Sex Education
20:34 Conservative Push to Abolish Sex Education
24:55 Conservative Views on Teenage Pregnancy
26:45 Debunking Pornographic Sex Ed Allegations
30:45 Condom Relay Races and Misinformation
32:56 Sexuality Education in Europe and Misconceptions
38:10 Consent Education and Its Challenges
43:40 Choking During Sex: A Dangerous Trend
51:02 Conservative Rhetoric and the Value of Pleasure in Sex
On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Shay Doran, a men’s coach who helps guys overcome performance anxiety and erection challenges. Shay shares his personal journey of leaving a corporate career after realizing how deeply these struggles were shaping his relationships and confidence, and why addressing them became his life’s work.
We discuss how performance anxiety often stems from childhood messages about worth and masculinity, and how those beliefs create cycles of pressure, shame, and disconnection in the bedroom. Shay explains why shifting the focus from performance to pleasure, presence, and communication can transform intimacy, and how reframing natural breaks—like moving rooms or reaching for a condom—can ease anxiety rather than trigger it.
Shay also offers practical advice and resources for men navigating these challenges, reminding us that healthy sexuality isn’t about flawless performance, but about connection, patience, and trust.
Key Points:
Shay's background and motivation
Shay shares his personal journey of overcoming performance anxiety and erection challenges, which led him to leave his corporate career and dedicate himself to helping other men with similar struggles. He describes how his father's passing and a realization about the impact of these issues on his life and relationships were the catalysts for change.
The root causes of performance anxiety
Shay and Cam discuss how performance anxiety often stems from early life experiences and messages around the need to perform and be a certain way to receive love and acceptance. They explore how these deep-seated beliefs and insecurities manifest in the bedroom and create a vicious cycle of anxiety and shame.
Reframing the approach to intimacy
Cam shares his approach of shifting the focus from performance to pleasure, connection, and enjoyment. He emphasizes the importance of slowing down, being present, and communicating openly with partners to create positive experiences, rather than getting caught up in the pressure to maintain erections or last a certain amount of time.
Navigating breaks in intimacy
Shay and Cam discuss how the transitions and breaks in physical intimacy, such as moving from the couch to the bedroom or reaching for a condom, can trigger anxiety and the belief that one should maintain an erection at all times. They highlight the importance of normalizing these natural fluctuations and reframing them as opportunities for connection.
Advice and resources for men struggling with performance issues
Shay and Cam encourage men struggling with performance anxiety to seek support, be patient with themselves, and have faith that it is possible to overcome these challenges. They recommend Shay's performance anxiety quiz as a starting point for self-assessment and provide information on where to find Shay's website and YouTube channel for further resources.
Relevant links:
Shay Doran's Website: https://shay-doran.com/Shay Doran's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@shay-doran
On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Ty Miller, a former sociology and criminology professor turned UX researcher, and a professional wrestler who performs under the persona “Dr. Jordan Tyler.” Ty shares how his passion for storytelling weaves through his academic, creative, and athletic pursuits, and how stepping into an exaggerated wrestling character allows him to explore themes of ego, bravado, and masculinity in a socially acceptable way. We discuss the tension between authenticity and performance, the rise of anti-intellectualism, and how figures—from wrestlers to politicians—use persona to influence perception. Ty also reflects on the performative nature of masculinity, the physical ideals imposed on men, and his efforts to challenge and subvert those norms inside and outside the wrestling ring.
Key Points:
Introductions and background
Cam and Ty introduce themselves and discuss their backgrounds. Ty shares that he is a former sociology and criminology professor who now works in UX research, and is also a professional wrestler who goes by the persona of "Dr. Jordan Tyler". They discuss their shared passion for storytelling and how it connects their various pursuits.
Navigating personas and authenticity
Cam and Ty explore the tension between their authentic selves and the personas they present, particularly in Ty's wrestling character. They discuss the catharsis and social acceptability of embodying an exaggerated, arrogant version of oneself, and how that differs from public figures like Donald Trump who blur the line between character and reality.
The rise of anti-intellectualism
Ty shares his experiences as an academic facing skepticism and dismissal of his expertise, and how he has grappled with that in his wrestling persona. They discuss the broader societal trend of anti-intellectualism, and how figures like Trump have capitalized on it by positioning themselves as anti-elitist while wielding real power.
Masculinity and performativity
Ty and Cam delve into the complex relationship between masculinity, performance, and identity. They explore how traditional notions of masculinity are socially constructed, the pressures wrestlers face to conform to certain physical ideals, and Ty's efforts to challenge and subvert those norms through his wrestling persona and content.
Recap and next steps
Cam and Ty wrap up the conversation, with Ty expressing gratitude for the community of men working to promote healthier masculinity. They discuss plans to continue their dialogue and collaboration in the future.
On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Pierre Fleury, a violence prevention educator who specializes in domestic and dating violence, with a strong focus on engaging young men in conversations about healthy relationships and gender-based violence. Pierre shares his personal and professional insights into how rigid ideas of masculinity—what he calls the “man box”—contribute to harmful behaviors like aggression, emotional suppression, and the misuse of relationships for status. We explore the resistance many young men show toward this work, the appeal of red-pill rhetoric online, and why it’s critical to meet boys where they are with diverse, relatable messengers. Pierre offers practical strategies for educators, parents, and influencers to promote positive, respectful masculinity in both offline spaces and algorithm-driven online worlds.
Key Points:
Introductions and background
Pierre Fleury introduced himself as a violence prevention educator who specializes in domestic and dating violence, particularly intimate partner violence. He shared that much of his work involves educating young people on healthy relationships and engaging men to prevent gender-based violence.
Unpacking masculinity and the "man box"
Cam and Pierre discussed their personal experiences with the rigid cultural scripts around masculinity, and how they have both grappled with the pressure to conform to certain masculine ideals. They explored how this can lead to harmful behaviors like bullying and aggression as a means of maintaining one's status in the masculine hierarchy.
Challenges in educating young men
Pierre described the common resistance he encounters when working with young men, who often want to know how the new messaging will help them attract romantic partners. He emphasized the importance of shifting the mindset away from using relationships as a reward, and instead focusing on becoming a genuine, healthy person.
The need for diverse messengers
Cam and Pierre discussed the value of having a variety of messengers, both male and female, to reach young men with messages about healthy masculinity. They acknowledged that some boys may be more receptive to certain messengers over others based on factors like age, background, and shared interests.
The prevalence and spread of harmful masculinity rhetoric
Pierre observed that the "red pill" ideology and other harmful masculinity messaging is not new, but has become more widespread and accessible online, often being subtly woven into various types of content. He highlighted how the algorithms of social media platforms can contribute to the proliferation of this rhetoric.
Strategies for promoting positive masculinity
Cam and Pierre discussed ways to leverage social media algorithms to amplify more constructive messaging around masculinity, such as parents being mindful of their children's online content and influencers using thoughtful hashtags. They also emphasized the importance of creating supportive communities for young men to explore new ways of being.
Key Points
On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Michael Brasher, a passionate men's work facilitator and community organizer. Michael’s journey began while working at a domestic violence shelter, where his exposure to a men’s education program transformed his understanding of masculinity and violence. Since then, he has devoted his life to violence prevention and creating spaces for men to heal, grow, and reconnect with their emotional lives. Michael shares insights from years of running men’s groups, talking circles, and rites of passage experiences for men and boys. We explore the challenges of engaging men in vulnerability, the harmful impacts of traditional masculine norms, and the importance of bridging personal healing with community action. Michael’s work is grounded in compassion, connection, and a vision of masculinity rooted in care and accountability.
Michael's background and passion for men's work
Michael shares his personal story of how working at a domestic violence shelter and going through a men's education program changed his life and set him on a path to devote himself to violence prevention and community organizing to help men understand and heal from the violence they've been incentivized into.
Challenges of engaging men in this work
Michael discusses how men are often resistant to this type of work, but explains that if the right space and conversation is created, men will open up and be vulnerable. He shares examples of successfully facilitating men's groups and workshops, even with populations like fraternities that are often seen as resistant.
The socialization of masculinity and its impacts
Michael and Cam explore how traditional masculine norms and expectations are deeply harmful, leading men to disconnect from their emotions and pain. They discuss how this socialization perpetuates cycles of violence and trauma that get passed down generationally.
Creating spaces for men to heal and grow
Michael describes the importance of creating spaces for men to be vulnerable, share their pain, and reimagine healthier versions of masculinity. He shares examples of programs he's run, like weekly talking circles and wilderness rites of passage trips for boys and men.
Bridging individual healing and community action
Cam and Michael discuss the need to move beyond just individual healing work and into collective action and community organizing to dismantle the systemic issues underlying toxic masculinity. They explore ideas like volunteering at community centers, leading group trips, and building intergenerational relationships.
Overcoming resistance and criticism
They acknowledge the challenges of facing criticism and resistance, especially around perceptions of men working with boys. They emphasize the importance of being grounded in one's community and values, and not letting fear of judgment prevent doing important work.
Michael's ongoing programs and resources
Michael shares information about his ongoing work, including his social media presence, monthly men's talking circles, and upcoming book club discussions - all aimed at providing spaces for men to heal, grow, and build healthier relationships.
Relevant links:
Website: https://www.lifeunboundcoaching.com/
Instagram: @lifeunboundcoaching
On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Elle Thielke. Elle is a Melbourne-based sexologist and former sex worker with a passion for men’s health and wellbeing. Drawing on her lived experience in the industry, Elle brings a unique and deeply informed perspective to conversations around masculinity, porn, and authentic sexual expression. Together, we explore the barriers that prevent men from being open about their desires, the impact of shame and gendered socialisation, and how to reframe common narratives around porn “addiction.” Elle also shares insights on ethical and embodied porn consumption, the importance of media literacy, and the urgent need for comprehensive, sex-positive education that reflects real-world experiences.Key Points:
Introductions and backgrounds
Elle Thielke introduces herself as a sexologist from Melbourne with a background as a former worker. She is passionate about men's health and wellbeing, and has gained deep insights from her experiences working in the industry. Cam Fraser shares his own personal journey and interest in masculinity and function, noting the lack of support many men feel comfortable seeking.
Barriers to authenticity for men
Elle and Cam discuss the significant barriers men face in being authentic about their , stemming from societal expectations and stigma around masculinity and expression. They explore how gendered socialization, shame, and rigid notions of what it means to be a "real man" create major obstacles for men to explore and understand their .
Practical tips for ethical, embodied consumption
Cam shares his approach of encouraging clients to engage with in a more intentional, embodied way - maximizing the content, minimizing distractions, and tuning into physical sensations. Elle reinforces the importance of media literacy and understanding the production realities behind pornographic content.
Reframing " addiction" and compulsive behaviors
Elle and Cam unpack the complex and often misunderstood concepts of " addiction" and compulsive behaviors. They highlight how the language and framing around these issues can be problematic, and emphasize the need for a more nuanced, individualized understanding of people's relationships with and .
The need for comprehensive education
Elle emphasizes the critical need for comprehensive, -positive education that is developed and delivered by those with direct experience and expertise in . She highlights how current approaches often fail to address the nuanced messages and implications of media and , leaving many people with unrealistic or unhealthy understandings.
Relevant Links
Website: www.elletsexology.com
Instagram: @inthenaughtycorner
On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Dr. Giselle Woodley. Giselle is a recent PhD graduate and researcher whose work focuses on young people’s perspectives on relationships, sex education, and online harms such as image-based abuse and sextortion. Her research centers youth voices and aims to develop youth-led strategies for navigating digital sexuality and relationships. In our conversation, Giselle shares the nuanced and often-overlooked views that teens hold about pornography, including their desire for ethical, educational content and their frustration with risk-heavy, adult-led education. We also explore the implications of censorship, the importance of listening to young people, and how we can reimagine sex ed to be more inclusive, practical, and pleasure-focused.Key Points:
Giselle's background and research focus
Giselle introduced herself as Dr. Giselle Woodley, a recent PhD graduate who has been researching teens' perspectives on relationships, education, and online harms like image-based abuse and sextortion. Her work aims to center youth voices and develop youth-led strategies in these areas.
Teens' nuanced views on
Giselle found that teens have diverse and nuanced views on , rather than simply seeing it as all good or all bad. Many felt adults exaggerate the harms of , while acknowledging potential risks. Teens valued for providing information and education about and relationships that they couldn't get elsewhere.
Challenges of adult-led ed
Teens expressed frustration with the risk-focused, adult-led approach to education, feeling it didn't adequately prepare them for real-world and relationship experiences. They wanted more positive, comprehensive, and skills-based education, including information they could only find in .
Teens' desire for ethical
Many teens were interested in finding ethical, educational, and relationship-positive pornographic content, but faced barriers like not having access to payment methods or feeling unsure of where to find such content online. They saw a need for more resources in this area.
Concerns about censorship and regulation
Teens were skeptical of censorship and age verification measures, feeling they would just drive them to use more unregulated online platforms. They saw these approaches as ineffective and potentially making prohibited content more alluring.
Recap and future collaboration
Giselle and Cam discussed opportunities for further collaboration, including potentially connecting Cam with other researchers in this space like Siobhan Healy Cullen. They agreed the conversation was valuable and looked forward to continuing the dialogue.
Key Points:
Introductions and background
Marc Zen introduces himself as a PhD candidate at Curtin University researching explicit media literacy education, particularly focusing on parent perspectives. He discusses his personal experiences with education growing up and how that motivated his research interests.
Defining "explicit media literacy"
Marc explains why he uses the broader term "explicit media literacy" rather than just focusing on . He notes that parents were more concerned about the influence of media on their children's future relationships than just the content of itself.
Parent perspectives on media influence
The parents Marc interviewed expressed a range of views, but were generally most concerned about how the media their children consume could negatively impact their future relationships and ability to have healthy, respectful intimacy. Some saw potential benefits in using media to start conversations.
Initiating conversations with children
Many parents struggled with how to initiate conversations with their children about and relationships, often resorting to awkward tactics like having the conversation in the car. Marc and Cam discuss strategies for parents to create a safe, open environment for these discussions.
Differences in parent and gender perspectives
Marc observed differences in how mothers and fathers approached the topic, with fathers more likely to discuss directly and share their own experiences, while mothers were more concerned about media messages promoting unhealthy relationship dynamics.
Framing education in schools
Marc discusses the debate around taking a "critical" approach versus a more "neutral" approach to teaching explicit media literacy in schools. He believes the neutral approach focused on building practical skills is more effective, though the critical approach is better than nothing.
Concluding thoughts
Marc emphasizes the importance of reframing adolescence as a time of opportunity to build valuable life skills, rather than just a period of risk and vulnerability. He advocates for evidence-based, shame-free education that provides young people with practical tools.
Relevant linksWebsite: www.marczen.com.au.
Instagram: marc_zen_
Key Points:
Introduction to Brian Sloan and Autoblow
Brian Sloan introduces himself as the creator of the Autoblow brand of male pleasure products. He discusses how he got into this industry, starting with selling latex fetishwear and then realizing there was a need for better male toys. He has been working on developing the Autoblow and VacuGlide products for over 16 years.
Passion for Male Pleasure
Brian explains that his initial interest in this industry was more of a business decision, but over time he developed a genuine passion for helping men find pleasure and addressing the imbalance in the pleasure products industry being more focused on women. He believes men have different needs and desires that were not being met.
Autoblow and VacuGlide Product Details
Brian provides an overview of the Autoblow AI Ultra and VacuGlide products, including how they work, their key features, and the different use cases and target customers for each product. He discusses how the VacuGlide in particular caters to men who may have difficulty achieving or maintaining erections.
Online Communities and Customer Feedback
Brian discusses the online communities that have formed around the Autoblow products, including an active subreddit where customers provide feedback and suggestions. He explains how this feedback has been valuable in improving the products over time.
Concerns About AI-Powered Toys
Brian shares his personal concerns about the potential risks of AI-powered toys, particularly the VR integration, and how the immersive experience could become addictive for some users. He believes there needs to be more awareness and education around the potential downsides of this technology.
Balancing Risks and Benefits of Tech
Cam and Brian have a thoughtful discussion about balancing the potential benefits of tech, like helping disabled users or providing educational/training tools, with the risks of addiction or unhealthy reliance. They explore ideas around data privacy, transparency, and empowering users to make informed choices.
Closing Thoughts
Brian acknowledges the validity of Cam's concerns about the potential risks of AI-powered toys, and says the industry needs to recognize and address these issues, even if they don't change their core business practices. Cam expresses excitement to see if and how the industry evolves in response to these emerging challenges.
Relevant Links:
Brian's Website: https://www.vieci.com/
Key Points:
Introductions and Zari's background
Zari introduces himself as an artist, illustrator, and traveler who is currently exploring the topic of authentic connection and pleasure. He shares his passion for travel, authentic connections, and finding new ways to cultivate presence and embodied experiences.
Challenges with modern connection and performance
Zari discusses the issues he sees with modern connection and intimacy, including the pressure to perform, the influence of social media and media portrayals, and the tendency to get caught up in playing roles rather than being authentic. He emphasizes the importance of slowing down, being curious, and focusing on the embodied experience rather than external expectations.
Unpacking body image and performance anxiety
Cam shares his observations about the body image and performance anxiety issues he sees in many of the men he works with, including comparing themselves to idealized male physiques on social media and in media, as well as anxiety around size and performance. They discuss how these pressures and scripts can lead men to develop unhealthy habits and get stuck in their heads during intimate experiences.
Suggestions for more playful, embodied intimacy
Zari and Cam discuss practical ways to create more playful, embodied, and pressure-free intimate experiences, such as sensual touch and exploration games, writing down fantasies, and being creative and spontaneous in the moment when things don't go as planned. They emphasize the importance of communication, vulnerability, and a willingness to experiment and learn together.
Zari's upcoming book "Play With Me"
Zari shares details about his upcoming book "Play With Me", which will be a visually-rich, illustrated guide to intimate games and practices. He discusses his goal of creating a movement and community around this work, and invites Cam to support the Kickstarter campaign launching next week.
Relevant Links:
Zari's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zari.plays/
Zari's Twitter: https://x.com/ZariPlays
Key Points:
Defining love and its many facets
Triss and Cam discuss the concept of love, its various meanings and expressions, and how it can be experienced on emotional, physical, and spiritual levels. They explore the limitations of language in capturing the full essence of love, and the importance of acknowledging the diversity of love's manifestations.
Navigating masculinity and gender norms
Cam shares his personal experiences and reflections on the societal narratives and prescriptive ideas around masculinity, and how they can create barriers for men to engage in self-love, intimacy, and vulnerability. They discuss the polarizing rhetoric from some masculinity influencers and the need to move beyond rigid definitions of what it means to be a "real man."
Embodying love and connection
Triss explains his approach to facilitating workshops and retreats focused on cultivating self-love, interpersonal connection, and a deeper understanding of one's authentic self, beyond societal labels and expectations. He emphasizes the importance of engaging the whole being - mind, body, emotions, and spirit - in this transformative process.
Navigating uncertainty and the liminal space
Cam shares his personal experience of feeling caught in a liminal space, where he doesn't fully identify with traditional labels like "heterosexual" or "queer," and the challenges and fears that can arise from this ambiguity. Triss offers insights on embracing the unknown, integrating shadows, and finding freedom in the space beyond rigid definitions.
Closing thoughts and next steps
Triss shares his passion for working with men who are on the cusp of deeper self-discovery and a more expansive understanding of love, connection, and purpose. He invites Cam and the listeners to explore the resources and opportunities available to continue this important exploration and personal growth.
Relevant links:
Triss' website: https://trisstashi.com/
Key Points:
Mish's background and book
Mish introduces himself as a 60-something man who has shifted his health work from a focus on cancer to a broader focus on men's health and wellness. He has recently written a book about embracing and finding pleasure in a "soft " rather than fixating on erections.
The need for a new perspective on male
Mish explains that he was motivated to write the book because he realized there was a lack of resources and information available about enjoying intimacy and pleasure without a hard erection. Most existing resources focus on "fixing" erectile dysfunction rather than exploring alternative paths to fulfillment.
The emotional and psychological journey
Mish discusses the emotional and psychological challenges men face when their bodies don't perform as expected, including feelings of loss, shame, and withdrawal. He emphasizes the importance of grieving these changes and redefining one's relationship to pleasure and masculinity.
Exploring the body and sensations
Mish and Cam discuss practical strategies for exploring the body and sensations beyond just the genitals, including mapping pleasure across the body, slowing down, and being present to subtle energetic shifts and reverberations.
Redefining intimacy and "completion"
Mish shares insights on how he and his partner have redefined the end of intimacy, moving away from a focus on as the "finish line." They emphasize communication, presence, and exploring energetic connections as ways to find fulfillment and closure without relying on a hard erection.
Closing thoughts and book availability
Mish provides an overview of the book's title and content, and shares information on where readers can purchase the book, both online and through select brick-and-mortar retailers.
Relevant Links:
Mish’s Twitter: @RecoveringMan1
Mish’s website: www.recoveringman.net
Key points:
Toby's background and journey to coaching
Toby shares his background, including being an open intersex person, his diagnosis with Kleinfelter's syndrome, and his transition into the coaching and counseling space. He discusses how his own self-discovery and openness about his identity led him to want to support others in similar ways.
Toby's philosophy on self-love and whole-person approach
Toby explains his holistic, "whole person" approach to coaching, emphasizing the importance of self-love, self-acceptance, and changing one's internal narrative as the foundation for growth and fulfillment. He uses the analogy of a pilot light to describe the importance of cultivating an intrinsic sense of self-love.
Societal barriers to self-love and the impact on men
Toby and Cam discuss how Western capitalist society often encourages external validation and a lack of self-love, and how this can manifest in unhealthy behaviors, particularly for men. They explore the changing cultural narratives around masculinity and the need for men to embrace vulnerability and emotional intelligence.
Practical steps for cultivating self-love
Toby outlines specific practices he uses with clients to help them become aware of negative thought patterns, decouple their identity from those thoughts, and replace them with positive affirmations. He emphasizes the importance of daily practice and support during this process.
The relationship between self-love and the body
Toby and Cam discuss the connection between self-love and body acceptance, noting how the relationship with one's physical self is a reflection of the internal landscape. They explore how self-love practices can help individuals develop a more positive, pleasure-focused relationship with their bodies.
Recap and next steps
Toby summarizes the key points of their discussion, emphasizing that self-love is the foundation that allows other self-care and self-loving activities to be truly nourishing and impactful. He expresses excitement about continuing his coaching work and supporting more people in reaching their potential.
Relevant links: https://whole-person-relationships.com/
