If you're listening to this episode consider checking out the Youtube video on Map the Maze for visuals. Today I wanted to talk about flow and the importance of achieving flow state to recharge your batteries. The end of the year can be challenging for everyone and if you are also experiencing separation and divorce then you may be feeling overwhelmed. We all know what helps us to clear our minds. The key though is to schedule and do it. Ensuring you find time for flow can increase your capacity to manage mediation, negotiating with your former spouse and navigating the transition through separation.
Welcome back for the concluding part of this interview with Sebastian. Join us again for the continuation of the conversation.
For more information about Sebastian and his work check out his website:
After a long summer hiatus Map the Maze is back with a bang. A two part interview with Sebastian Droesler counsellor and mindfulness coach. We discuss life, the universe and everything. So make a cup of tea and settle in to be part of our conversation.
If you would like to find out more about Sebastian's work then check out his website:
https://counsellinghongkong.com
For once a (mostly) positive movie about separation and divorce? Melissa McCarthy's character goes on a massive journey as she learns of the divorce, goes back to college and learns how to thrive. I enjoy this for the 80s music and the empowerment. There are questionable choices and as a family mediator, involving her daughter in the post-separation conflict and the extreme revenge fantasy are not constructive. However as a depiction of someone who thinks that life is over and then decides to reclaim her own power - great choice.
The mediation scene is brief and problematic. This is the worst movie mediation scene I could find. The mediator isn't even in the room for most of it!
Listen in to find out why this is not the way to do mediation.
Check out the mediation scene here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPvDN...
For the festive season I decided to look at some of the depictions of mediation on screen. Starting with the Wedding Crashers in which Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughan are family mediators. How realistic is the 4 minutes at the beginning of the movie? Listen to find out...
If you haven't seen this clip, then check out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_IIy...
Building a team and putting one together can help you get through separation and divorce in the best and most constructive way possible. First step is to identify who you already have in the team. Then identify any gaps. Use the existing team / word of mouth to help you find the missing elements.
If you are going to work with a professional then make sure it is someone you feel comfortable with. Have a preliminary call and see if this is someone you would like to work with. The work itself is very difficult, it is even harder if you are working with a professional you don't like.
Lastly make sure you maximise the benefit of working with a professional. For example, if you are working with a counsellor to help with the grieving process, then let them know you will be mediating. They will be able to give you tools to help you stay focused and regulate emotion in the mediation session. Make the most of the help you have.
What are the ways you can help yourself?
and make sure to schedule it.
Almost everyone relies on friends and family to help them transition through separation and divorce. What do you need to know? Who is the hawk? moderate? dove? in your tribe?
This month is all about getting help when going through separation and divorce.
Most people will seek professional help during their separation and divorce. The most common that I see for my clients are: counsellors / lawyers / financial advisors. Listen in to find out what issues you may want to consider when working with a professional.
This week - what are some of the helpful ideas from James Clear's Atomic Habits that can be adapted for separating or separated co-parents?
This week, I'll be talking about habit stacking and the Goldilocks principle both from James Clear's book Atomic Habits.
James Clear, author of "Atomic Habits" explains that goals are good for setting a direction but systems are best for making progress. How can people in family mediation build systems to help build good habits for their future co-parenting? Listen in to find out...
In Atomic Habits, James Clear illuminated how we build habits / why we stick to or abandon habits / how to build systems to support habits. A great book for anyone, but especially helpful ideas for people who are transitioning their family through divorce / separation. This month is Atomic Divorce Habit month. Join me to find out how atomic divorce habits can help with co-parenting in a separated family.
Atomic Habits - James Clear
When parents separate, it can be difficult to delineate the reaction to the ending of the adult relationship and the necessary continuation of the co-parenting relationship. This book is relatively short and compact. It provides insights from the Woodalls' practice for separated parents about how to put the focus back on their children and on co-parenting.
Today's book is about how to notice warning signs on the way into a relationship. Not the obvious choice for a list put together by a family mediator. However, Bill Eddy whose work I have previously discussed provides a guide for people who are not yet in relationship. If you are single or recently single then consider adding this to your summer reading.
In marriage mediation I work with couples whose relationships have hit a crisis point. They have decided to try and reconcile and want to ensure there is space to allow this to happen. In this book, Lee Raffel guides readers through thoughts and processes to enable parties to decide if they should stay and work on reconciliation or not. If they do decide to stay, Raffel has ideas about what that controlled separation should look like practically.
This may seem like an unusual choice for a family mediator. However, I have worked with people who are trying to create the space and time to enable their reconciliation to work. We look at the practical arrangements:
If this seems like the situation you are in then I would recommend reading this book to get some ideas about how to move forward.
Launch of the Summer Book Club!
Today, "BIFF for Coparent Communication" by Bill Eddy et. al.
Almost every week, I use BIFF at work or in my personal life to respond to a message / email / text that I find triggering. BIFF was created by Bill Eddy. It is a tool to ease communication and de-escalate conflict.
Check out the High Conflict Institute set up by Bill Eddy. Bill has focused on helping people to find resolution when in conflict, especially if the other person has high conflict behaviour traits.
Nothing in this episode is intended to be legal, financial or mental health advice. You should always consult a professional in relation to your situation.
I love mythology, but mediation myths can harm parties. Listen to find out the top 5 divorce mediation myths.
Nothing in this podcast is intended to be legal, financial or mental health advice. Always consult a professional for advice in relation to your situation.
In this last episode in the difficult conversations topic, I talk about the post mortem. After the difficult conversation, not many people reflect and view what happened. Asking yourself some questions to guide that reflection can help to make sure you learn from the conversation - however it went! Make sure to make the most from this opportunity to learn more about yourself and how to have a better difficult conversation next time.
Nothing in this podcast is intended to be legal, financial or mental health advice. Always consult a professional about your situation.
And the one most important tip - Move your body - n to find out why...r emotions. Don't let your emotions or reactions to the other person, distract you from achieving your goals. Listen to find out how...
- increase your emotional library
- monitor body reactions
- find your flow AND schedule it
- be curious
- label your emotions
- engage your prefrontal cortex - System 2
And the one most important tip - Move your body - Listen to find out why...
Nothing in this podcast is intended to be legal, financial or mental health advice. Always consult a professional regarding your personal circumstances.
