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It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
TruStory FM
186 episodes
13 hours ago
Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else. They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life! Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way? In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid. And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.
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Management
Business,
Society & Culture
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All content for It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People is the property of TruStory FM and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.
Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else. They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life! Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way? In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid. And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.
Show more...
Management
Business,
Society & Culture
Episodes (20/186)
It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
Healthcare Conflict Solutions: Managing Hospital Tensions in High-Stress Environments with Dr. Jeff Stuart

Healthcare Conflict Management: Insights from the Pandemic and Beyond

In this episode of "It's All Your Fault," host Megan Hunter welcomes Dr. Jeff Stuart, an experienced physician executive and co-founder of RxSolve Conflict, to discuss conflict management in healthcare settings. Their conversation explores how the pandemic transformed healthcare conflicts and what lessons can help improve communication and patient care.

Understanding Healthcare Conflict Dynamics

Dr. Stuart shares insights from his three decades of medical practice and leadership, including his experience as Chief Medical Officer during the pandemic. He describes how hospitals function as inherently high-pressure environments where different departments operate as distinct "battlefields," each with their own unique pressures and challenges.

The discussion reveals how operational pressures, resource constraints, and evolving power dynamics contribute to healthcare conflicts. Dr. Stuart explains how traditional hierarchical structures are shifting toward team-based approaches, creating new communication challenges that require innovative solutions.

Questions We Answer in This Episode

  • How did the pandemic affect conflict dynamics in healthcare settings?
  • What are the primary sources of conflict in healthcare environments?
  • How can healthcare professionals better manage high-stress interactions?
  • What role does communication training play in preventing healthcare conflicts?
  • How can healthcare leaders support better conflict management?

Key Takeaways

  • Healthcare conflicts often arise from competing priorities and resource constraints
  • Role ambiguity and poor communication channels amplify conflict potential
  • Basic conflict management training can significantly improve healthcare interactions
  • The pandemic created unique challenges but also opportunities for improved communication
  • Leadership engagement is crucial for implementing effective conflict management strategies

This episode provides valuable insights for healthcare professionals, administrators, and anyone interested in understanding how complex organizations can better manage conflict. The discussion offers practical approaches while acknowledging the unique challenges faced by those working in high-stress medical environments.

Additional Resource

Dr. Jeff Stuart’s website: www.rxsolveconflict.com

Professional Development

  • Leaders High-Conflict Training: New Ways for Work
  • Conflict Influencer Group Class

Connect With Us

  • Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
  • Submit questions for Bill and Megan
  • Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
  • Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Watch this episode on YouTube!

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (00:58) - Dr. Jeff Stuart
  • (03:22) - Jeff’s Background
  • (10:10) - CMO Experience During Pandemic
  • (16:02) - Conflict with Travelling Professionals
  • (16:51) - Stuck in Storming
  • (19:45) - Biggest Conflicts in Healthcare
  • (25:24) - Making Conflicts Bigger
  • (31:50) - Preventative
  • (33:02) - Continual Societal Breakdowns
  • (35:29) - Momentum and Problem-Solving
  • (46:30) - Delineations
  • (48:10) - Wrap Up
Show more...
6 days ago
50 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
Family Boundaries: Supporting Children Through High-Conflict Divorce

Navigating Grandparent Roles in High Conflict Divorces
This episode of "It's All Your Fault" features Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter addressing two distinct listener questions. The first explores the challenging position grandparents face when their adult children experience contentious divorces. The second examines complex co-parenting dynamics involving an ex-spouse demonstrating high conflict behavior and a new spouse seeking involvement.

Understanding Family Dynamics in High Conflict Situations
The hosts examine how family members can effectively navigate these challenging situations while maintaining appropriate boundaries. They discuss practical strategies for managing communication, setting limits, and fostering healthy relationships during custody disputes and co-parenting arrangements.

First Listener Question: Grandparent Support During Divorce

  • How can grandparents maintain supportive relationships with both parents?
  • What strategies help when grandchildren show signs of alienation?
  • How should grandparents respond to concerning statements from grandchildren?
  • When should grandparents intervene versus step back?
  • What approaches help maintain healthy boundaries while supporting the family?

Second Listener Question: Co-Parenting with Ex-Spouse and New Wife

  • How to manage communication with an ex-spouse showing high conflict behavior?
  • What boundaries make sense when dealing with military-related trauma?
  • Should you engage with the new wife's attempts at relationship building?
  • How to maintain BIFF communication effectively?
  • When is parallel parenting more appropriate than attempted collaboration?

Throughout the episode, the hosts emphasize several key approaches for managing these complex situations. They stress the importance of setting clear, matter-of-fact limits to maintain healthy relationships and recommend using the "four big skills" framework when teaching children appropriate behaviors. The discussion highlights how parallel parenting often proves more sustainable than forced closeness, and emphasizes the value of building trust gradually rather than rushing relationships. The hosts also underscore the importance of maintaining healthy skepticism while remaining open to positive developments in these challenging family dynamics.

The episode provides valuable insights for grandparents, divorced parents, and new spouses navigating complex family dynamics. While recognizing the challenges of these situations, the hosts offer practical approaches that prioritize children's wellbeing while maintaining appropriate boundaries.

Additional Resources

Expert Publications

⇨ Book (pre-orders - publishing November 2025):  SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps
⇨ Book: BIFF for CoParent Communication (Appendix B mentioned in podcast)
⇨ Book: Don't Alienate the Kids

Personal Transformation Solutions

⇨ Conflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyone
⇨ New Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching - mentioned in podcast)
⇨ 1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter)

Professional Development

⇨ Bill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders)

Connect With Us

⇨ Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
⇨ Submit questions for Bill and Megan
⇨ Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
⇨ Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Watch this episode on YouTube!

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (00:38) - More Listener Questions
  • (01:20) - Grandparents in High Conflict Divorces
  • (18:21) - Settling Limits with Ex and His New Wife
  • (28:46) - Wrap Up
Show more...
2 weeks ago
32 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
High Conflict Communication Skills: Navigating Personal Change and Blended Family Dynamics

Navigating Complex Relationships: From Personal Transformation to Step-Family Dynamics

Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore two compelling listener questions involving relationship challenges and personal growth. This episode provides valuable insights for anyone dealing with complex interpersonal dynamics or seeking lasting behavioral change.

Understanding Personal Transformation and High-Conflict Relationships

The episode examines how individuals can create meaningful change in their lives through skill development and self-awareness. The hosts discuss practical approaches for managing challenging relationships, particularly in blended family situations where communication difficulties arise between step-parents and biological parents.

Questions Addressed in This Episode:

  • How can someone break long-standing behavioral patterns?
  • What role do skills like flexible thinking and emotional management play in personal change?
  • How can step-parents navigate challenging relationships with their partner's ex?
  • What communication strategies work best when dealing with hostile messages?
  • How can someone maintain boundaries while keeping communications focused on children?

Key Takeaways:

  1. Change is possible through developing specific skills: flexible thinking, managed emotions, moderate behavior, and self-checking
  2. Creating new behavioral patterns rather than trying to eliminate old ones
  3. The value of "extinction" in managing difficult communications
  4. Importance of responding only to relevant information in hostile messages
  5. Understanding that others' hostile behavior reflects their operating system, not personal failing

The hosts emphasize the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm) as a cornerstone communication strategy, along with other practical approaches such as focusing on logistics and future-oriented communications, maintaining boundaries while staying civil, recognizing when non-response is the best response, and separating emotional content from necessary information. These tools provide actionable approaches for anyone seeking to improve challenging relationships or create lasting personal change, while emphasizing the importance of skill development and consistent practice.

Additional Resources

Expert Publications

  • Book (pre-orders being taken - publishing November 2025): SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps
  • Book: 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life

Personal Transformation

  • Conflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyone
  • New Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching)
  • 1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter)

Professional Development

  • Bill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders)

Connect With Us

  • Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
  • Submit questions for Bill and Megan
  • Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
  • Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Watch this episode on YouTube!

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (00:41) - Listener Question #1
  • (11:16) - Listener Question #2
  • (28:52) - Reminders
Show more...
3 weeks ago
30 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
Hostile Neighbor Conflict: How to Handle Community Harassment and Stay Safe

Navigating Hostile Neighbor Situations: Understanding and Managing Community Conflict

Responding to a listener question, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter address a challenging situation many face: dealing with hostile neighbors. This episode explores strategies for maintaining composure while protecting yourself and your family when faced with neighborhood tensions, providing practical insights for those experiencing community conflict.

Understanding Neighborhood Conflict Dynamics

The hosts analyze how neighborhood disputes can escalate from initial interactions into ongoing patterns of hostile behavior. They examine how children can be affected by and involved in neighborhood tensions, offering guidance for parents navigating these complex dynamics.

Questions Answered in This Episode

  • How can you balance standing up for yourself while keeping situations calm?
  • When and how should you involve law enforcement?
  • What legal options exist for addressing neighbor conflicts?
  • How can parents protect children from neighborhood hostility?

Key Takeaways

  • Consider investigating neighborhood dynamics before purchasing property
  • Document problematic behaviors through appropriate channels
  • Focus on teaching children effective conflict management skills
  • Remember that disengagement can sometimes be the safest strategy

This episode offers valuable strategies for anyone experiencing neighborhood tensions, emphasizing the importance of making informed decisions that prioritize safety and well-being while maintaining appropriate boundaries. The hosts' practical approach helps listeners understand when to engage, when to seek help, and when to consider other options.

Additional Resources

Book us for Training or Keynote

Expert Publications

  • Book: It’s All Your Fault!
  • Book: Our New World of Adult Bullies

Personal Transformation

  • Conflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyone
  • New Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching)
  • 1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter)

Professional Development

  • Bill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders)

Connect With Us

  • Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
  • Submit questions for Bill and Megan
  • Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
  • Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Watch this episode on YouTube!

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (00:38) - Listener Question: Civility and Bullying
  • (02:58) - Keeping Things Calm in the Face of Hostility
  • (07:00) - Dogs and Kids
  • (10:45) - Involving Law Enforcement
  • (14:55) - Vindictiveness
  • (22:53) - Raising The Child
  • (25:52) - The Four Big Skills
  • (27:46) - Traffic
  • (33:49) - Wrap Up
Show more...
1 month ago
35 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
Setting Boundaries in High Conflict: Your Questions About Difficult Relationships

In this our next listener’s questions episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy address three complex scenarios involving challenging relationship dynamics, boundary setting, and family conflicts.

Mike seeks advice about an ex-girlfriend who refuses to leave his home despite receiving money to do so, using suicide threats as leverage. The hosts discuss implementing their new SLIC method (Setting Limits, Imposing Consequences) and the importance of following through with consequences while having appropriate support systems in place. They emphasize that enabling behavior rarely leads to positive change.

Leonard from Sweden asks about common response patterns when high-conflict people face criticism. Bill explains typical reactions including denial, blame-shifting, playing victim, and counter-accusations. The hosts emphasize avoiding criticism in favor of future-focused communication and setting clear boundaries with consequences.

A couple dealing with high-conflict aging parents seeks strategies for managing necessary family relationships. The hosts discuss balancing caregiving responsibilities with boundary setting, offering practical approaches for limiting problematic behaviors while maintaining connections. They emphasize matter-of-fact communication and consistent enforcement of stated consequences.

Throughout these scenarios, common themes emerge: the importance of preparing for predictable reactions, maintaining firm but respectful boundaries, and avoiding the trap of criticism. The episode demonstrates how similar principles can help navigate different types of high-conflict situations, whether with ex-partners, aging parents, or other family members who exhibit challenging behaviors.

Additional Resources

Personal Growth

  • New Ways for Families ® Online Class
  • Conflict Influencer® Class (6 weeks on Zoom)

Books

  • SLIC Solutions for Conflict (pre-order)
  • It’s All Your Fault
  • Our New World of Adult Bullies

Consultations

  • Book us for a consultation about your high-conflict situation or legal case

Training

  • Inquire about having us train your organization

Connect With Us

  • Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
  • Submit questions for Bill and Megan
  • Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
  • Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Watch this episode on YouTube!

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (00:46) - Listener Question #1
  • (12:49) - Listener Question #2
  • (24:12) - Listener Question #3
  • (33:48) - Wrap Up
Show more...
1 month ago
35 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
High Conflict Listener Questions: When Different Personalities Collide in Families

When High Conflict Personalities Interact

In this listener-driven episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy tackle three complex scenarios from listeners, exploring relationship dynamics between different personality patterns, protecting children from parental alienation, and repairing family bonds damaged by forced estrangement.

Listener Jay asks about common personality pattern pairings in relationships. Bill Eddy shares that about half of high conflict relationships involve two people with challenging personality traits. Common combinations include individuals with borderline and narcissistic traits, as well as those with antisocial and histrionic characteristics. These pairings often occur because the traits fulfill complementary emotional needs - for instance, one partner's need to dominate matching another's tendency to seek attention.

Sarah seeks advice about protecting her boyfriend's five-year-old daughter from the negative influence of a high-conflict co-parent. The hosts emphasize teaching children the "four big skills for life" (flexible thinking, managed emotions, moderate behavior, checking accuracy) early, ideally before age 8-9 when children become more susceptible to parental alienation. They stress the importance of focusing on positive interactions rather than defending against accusations.

Joel describes a challenging situation where his wife demands he cut ties with their oldest child and has influenced their younger children, including an 11-year-old, to reject both the oldest sibling and Joel himself. The hosts recommend seeking court-ordered family counseling, especially for younger children, and maintaining a consistent message of refusing to take sides while expressing love for all family members. They emphasize the importance of early intervention to prevent long-term alienation.

Throughout these varied scenarios, a common thread emerges: the importance of maintaining boundaries while avoiding extreme responses, teaching resilience skills rather than engaging in conflict, and seeking professional help when needed. The episode demonstrates how similar principles can help navigate different types of high conflict situations, whether in intimate relationships, co-parenting, or extended family dynamics.

Additional Resources

Personal Growth

  • New Ways for Couples & Families

Books

  • Dating Radar
  • BIFF for Co-parent Communication
  • Don’t Alienate the Kids

Consultations

  • Book us for a consultation about your high-conflict situation or legal case

Article

  • The Parental Alienation Story: When Kids Resist Parental Contact, Check Each Parent’s Story About the Other

Training

  • Inquire about having us train your organization

Connect With Us

  • Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
  • Submit questions for Bill and Megan
  • Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
  • Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Watch this episode on YouTube!

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (00:42) - Listener Question #1
  • (10:57) - Listener Question #2
  • (16:35) - Listener Question #3
  • (23:02) - Wrap Up
Show more...
1 month ago
24 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
High Conflict in Court: Managing Charm, Control, and Challenging Testimony

Mastering High-Stakes Legal Testimony: Confronting High Conflict Behavior in the Courtroom

Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter analyze a compelling murder trial where a defendant who demonstrated high conflict behavior attempted to control courtroom dynamics through charm, intelligence, and confrontation. Drawing from this case study, they explore how legal professionals can maintain composure and authority when facing witnesses who exhibit traits common to high conflict personalities, including extreme confidence, bullying tactics, and sophisticated manipulation techniques.

The episode then addresses two listener questions: a therapist's observation about clients who show limited empathy in human relationships yet demonstrate intense care for animals, and a co-parent seeking strategies for responding quickly to seemingly rehearsed demands from challenging individuals. The hosts provide practical insights for handling both scenarios while maintaining healthy boundaries.

Questions Answered in This Episode:

  • How can attorneys maintain control with high conflict witnesses?
  • Why do some individuals show more empathy toward animals than people?
  • What strategies help maintain composure during hostile interactions?
  • How can someone respond effectively to rehearsed demands?

Key Takeaways:

  • Thorough preparation is essential when dealing with challenging witnesses
  • Maintaining calm and redirecting focus are crucial strategies
  • Approximately 3-4% of adults demonstrate antisocial personality traits
  • Charm and confidence often mask high conflict behaviors
  • Setting clear boundaries requires both preparation and consistent implementation

This episode offers valuable insights for legal professionals, mental health practitioners, and anyone navigating interactions with high conflict individuals. The discussion highlights the importance of understanding behavioral patterns while maintaining professional composure in challenging situations.

Additional Resources

Expert Publications

  • The Archaeology of Mind: Neuroevolutionary Origins of Human Emotions
  • Visit our bookstore

Personal Growth

  • Conflict Influencer® Class (6 weeks on Zoom)

Professional Development

  • Inquire about training for your organization
  • Domestic Violence Video: Conversations About Domestic Violence with 16 Experts

Connect With Us

  • Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
  • Submit questions for Bill and Megan
  • Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
  • Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Watch this episode on YouTube!
Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (00:43) - Back from Hiatus
  • (01:26) - High Conflict in Trials
  • (10:08) - Prepare Some Phrases
  • (13:34) - Personality Types
  • (19:11) - Listener Question: Empathy and Pets
  • (31:15) - Listener Question: Asserting Ourselves Quickly
  • (35:17) - Wrap Up
Show more...
1 month ago
36 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
Falsely Blamed? How to Protect Yourself and Respond • REBROADCAST

REBROADCAST

In this vital encore episode, Bill and Megan provide essential guidance for anyone facing false accusations or becoming a target of blame from high-conflict individuals. They explore practical strategies for protecting yourself while maintaining composure, offering specific tactics to minimize risk and manage difficult accusations effectively. The discussion includes nuanced approaches to correcting misinformation without escalating conflict, and how to thoughtfully assert truth while avoiding defensive responses that often backfire.

Additional Resources

Expert Publications

  • High Conflict People in Legal Disputes
  • It's All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything
  • It's All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People

Professional Development

  • Read: Six Tips to Avoid Becoming Someone's Target of Blame
  • Learn: Personality Awareness - Key Skills Training

Connect With Us

  • Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com 
  • Submit questions for Bill and Megan
  • Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store
  • Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (00:34) - A Target of Blame
  • (01:20) - Term’s History
  • (03:33) - Avoiding Becoming a Target
  • (12:26) - How to Behave
  • (15:27) - Extreme Example
  • (17:53) - Paper Trail for Protection
  • (20:01) - Red Flags
  • (22:56) - Finding Balance
  • (26:11) - Wrap Up
  • (26:31) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: How to End a Hostile Conversation
Show more...
2 months ago
27 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
The High-Conflict Borderline Personality: The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life (Part 3) • REBROADCAST

REBROADCAST

In this essential encore episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter delve deep into understanding high conflict borderline personalities, often called the "Love You Hate You" types. They explore the complex world of these challenging relationships, where charm can rapidly transform into rage. The discussion illuminates the defining characteristics of high conflict borderline personalities, including their emotional regulation struggles and tendency toward all-or-nothing thinking. Bill and Megan examine the prevalence of borderline personality disorder, the overlap with high conflict personalities, and offer practical strategies for managing these challenging dynamics while maintaining hope for recovery.

Additional Resources

Expert Publications

  • Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with BPD/NPD
  • Calming Upset People with EAR
  • Dating Radar
  • High Conflict People in Legal Disputes

Professional Development

  • Strategies for Helping Clients with Borderline Personalities in Divorce
  • Conflict Influencer™ Class

Connect With Us

  • Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com 
  • Submit questions for Bill and Megan
  • Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store
  • Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (00:37) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 3
  • (01:10) - Borderline Personality
  • (07:39) - What does the term mean?
  • (08:50) - Looking for Connection
  • (10:42) - Statistics
  • (14:03) - High Sensitivity
  • (16:26) - Splitting
  • (18:22) - Lying
  • (22:01) - Apologizing
  • (24:47) - Why Vindictive?
  • (27:44) - Finding Success
  • (31:50) - Empathy
  • (34:06) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Domestic Violence
Show more...
2 months ago
35 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
Narcissistic Co-Parents, Borderline Spouses, and Intimidating Behaviors • REBROADCAST

REBROADCAST

In this valuable encore episode, Bill and Megan tackle three critical listener questions that remain deeply relevant. They begin by addressing a parent's concern about protecting their toddler during a high-conflict custody case involving someone displaying narcissistic traits, offering practical strategies for both the legal process and emotional support. The conversation then shifts to handling intimidating behavior and urgent decision-making scenarios, particularly when dealing with someone who attempts to force their approach. Finally, they explore the complex dynamics of living with someone who has BPD traits, discussing both the potential psychological impact and the importance of finding appropriate therapeutic support for recovery.

Additional Resources

Expert Publications

  • The Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for Families
  • Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with BPD/NPD
  • High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide
  • The Healthy Parent's ABC's by Benjamin D. Garber, PhD

Professional Development

  • New Ways for Families Online Class and Coaching
  • High Conflict Separation & Divorce Basics Audio Series

Connect With Us

  • Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com 
  • Submit questions for Bill and Megan
  • Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store
  • Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (02:21) - Listener Questions
  • (02:59) - Handling a Toddler with a Narcissistic Parent
  • (09:00) - Managing Intimidating Behavior
  • (14:31) - Is There Ever a Time to Explain the Truth?
  • (17:22) - Can You Develop BPD Traits From Another?
  • (24:57) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: More Listener Questions!

Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

Show more...
3 months ago
26 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
High Conflict Patterns: Understanding Situational vs Long-Term Behavior • And We Introduce Conflict Influencer!

Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the crucial distinction between temporary high conflict behaviors and established patterns of high conflict conduct. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, we address common misconceptions about conflict dynamics while introducing our new platform, Conflict Influencer, designed to support individuals navigating challenging relationships.

Understanding High Conflict Patterns

We examine how situational stress differs from persistent high conflict behavior patterns through an insightful analogy comparing one-time excessive drinking versus chronic alcohol dependence. While anyone may demonstrate high conflict behaviors temporarily during intense stress, persistent patterns typically manifest in:

  • Preoccupation with blaming others
  • All-or-nothing thinking
  • Unmanaged emotions
  • Extreme behaviors

The episode clarifies that high conflict patterns often emerge in close relationships but may remain dormant until triggered by significant life changes like divorce or job loss. We emphasize that effective responses avoid giving insight, emotional engagement, or labels, instead focusing on future solutions rather than past conflicts.

Questions We Answer in This Episode

  • Is high conflict behavior always situational?
  • Does conflict always require two participants?
  • How can professionals identify pattern-based versus situational conflict?
  • What approaches work best with individuals demonstrating high conflict patterns?
  • What resources are available through the new Conflict Influencer platform?

We also introduce ConflictInfluencer.com, our new online community and learning platform offering individual coaching, consultation services, and comprehensive support for personal conflict challenges. This platform provides both self-directed and guided learning options, making conflict management resources more accessible to individuals seeking ongoing skill development.

Special emphasis is placed on the importance of practice and support in building confidence when managing difficult interactions. We demonstrate how the same conflict management skills work effectively for both situational and pattern-based conflicts, while providing practical frameworks for understanding and navigating challenging relationships more effectively.

Additional Resources

  • Conflict Influencer: Enter our Conflict Influencer World—a place for anyone and everyone who needs help, support and skills for conflict along the spectrum, especially high-conflict.
  • Check out Sierralin Design!

Connect With Us

  • Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
  • Submit questions for Bill and Megan
  • Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
  • Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (01:42) - Updates
  • (03:00) - Today’s Topics
  • (03:48) - Is High Conflict Situational?
  • (12:44) - Things to Avoid with an HCP
  • (13:04) - Four Things to Know to Avoid
  • (13:33) - Don’t Focus on Emotions
  • (14:10) - Avoid the Past
  • (14:29) - Don’t Tell Them They’re an HCP
  • (15:19) - Non-HCPs
  • (17:00) - Watch for Patterns
  • (18:09) - One HCP or Two People in Conflict?
  • (22:36) - Conflict Influencer
  • (32:05) - Questions
  • (42:24) - Wrap Up
  • (43:02) - Reminders & See You in September!

Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

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3 months ago
44 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
Child Abuse Allegations: Finding Truth and Safety in Family Court with Dr. Wendy Bourg

Child Sexual Abuse Allegations in Family Court: Expert Insights with Dr. Wendy Bourg

In this compelling episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome clinical psychologist Dr. Wendy Bourg for a rare and candid discussion about one of family court's most challenging issues. With decades of experience developing forensic interview guidelines and working directly with families, Dr. Bourg shares invaluable insights about navigating these complex situations.

The conversation explores how courts, professionals, and families can move beyond emotional reactions to find practical solutions that prioritize child wellbeing. Dr. Bourg challenges common assumptions and offers fresh perspectives on handling these sensitive cases, drawing from her extensive work in Oregon's family court system.

Questions Explored in This Episode

  • What makes these cases particularly challenging for family courts?
  • How can professionals avoid common pitfalls when investigating allegations?
  • What approaches best serve children caught in these situations?
  • Where do well-meaning professionals sometimes go wrong?
  • How can courts balance competing priorities in unclear cases?

Key Reasons to Listen

  • Gain practical insights from a leading expert in the field
  • Learn about surprising research findings that challenge conventional wisdom
  • Understand how to avoid common mistakes that can harm families
  • Discover innovative approaches to handling complex cases
  • Hear real-world examples that illuminate better ways forward

Whether you're a family court professional, mental health practitioner, or concerned parent, this episode offers crucial insights for anyone seeking to better understand and address these challenging situations. Join us for this important conversation that goes beyond typical discussions to explore practical, balanced approaches that put children first.

Additional Resources

Guest, Dr. Wendy Bourg

  • https://drwendybourg.com/

Expert Publications

  • Evaluating Sexual Abuse Reports In Family Court by Dr. Wendy Bourg
  • Tell Me What Happened: Questioning Children About Abuse by Michael Lamb
  • Jeopardy in the Courtroom: A Scientific Analysis of Children's Testimony by Stephen Ceci

Professional & Personal Development

  • ConflictInfluencer.com (website for individuals dealing with high-conflict in personal life)
  • New Ways for Families® Training: For family and divorce professionals

Connect With Us

  • Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
  • Submit questions for Bill and Megan
  • Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
  • Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (01:31) - Child Sexual Abuse Allegations in Family Court
  • (02:02) - Meet Dr. Wendy Bourg
  • (03:19) - Her Interest in This Work
  • (07:45) - Karpman Drama Triangle
  • (09:35) - Prevalence
  • (13:42) - True or Not True?
  • (18:20) - Safety First and Hippocratic Oath
  • (23:55) - Grey Area Solutions
  • (24:42) - Increase in Frequency?
  • (30:24) - Cycles of Hysteria
  • (33:10) - Therapists and Forensic Truths
  • (36:26) - Flaws Still in the System
  • (37:36) - Working to Help Parents Come Around
  • (39:07) - Percent of Cases That Are True
  • (42:32) - Best Practice Tips
  • (45:38) - No Common Trigger Points
  • (47:10) - Thoughts for Judges
  • (49:19) - Non-Family Members
  • (50:39) - Wrap Up
  • (51:55) - Reminders

Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

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3 months ago
53 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
Trauma vs. Entitlement: Finding Balance in High Conflict Situations

Beyond Trauma-Informed: Finding Balance Between Compassion and Consequences

Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the complex relationship between trauma-informed approaches and setting appropriate boundaries when dealing with high conflict situations. This timely discussion examines how professionals and individuals can balance empathy with necessary limits.

Understanding Trauma and Entitlement

The episode delves into how trauma experiences and entitled behavior can sometimes overlap, yet require different responses. Bill Eddy shares insights from his article "Are We Being Too Nice in High Conflict Situations?" highlighting the importance of maintaining appropriate boundaries while acknowledging genuine trauma.

The discussion explores how some individuals may use past trauma as justification for problematic behavior, while others may demonstrate entitled behavior without trauma history. The hosts emphasize the need for a balanced approach that combines trauma-informed methods with clear limit-setting.

Questions We Answer in This Episode

  • How do we distinguish between trauma response and entitled behavior?
  • When should we set limits with someone who has experienced trauma?
  • How can professionals balance empathy with boundary-setting?
  • What role does DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) play in addressing these issues?
  • How can families handle situations involving threats of self-harm?

Key Takeaways

  • Trauma history doesn't excuse harmful behavior toward others
  • Setting limits can be an act of respect and care
  • Professional help is crucial when dealing with serious threats
  • The SLIC method (Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences) offers practical guidance
  • Interventions work best when conducted as coordinated group efforts

The episode provides valuable insights for professionals and individuals navigating complex relationships where trauma and entitled behavior intersect. Rather than choosing between empathy and boundaries, listeners learn how to implement both approaches effectively.

Additional Resources

Expert Publications

  • Article: SLIC Solutions: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 ½ Steps
  • Article: Are We Being too Nice with High Conflict Behavior?
  • Book: The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in The Healing of Trauma - Paperback by Bessel Van der Kolk M.D.
  • Book alert: email info@unhookedmedia.com to be notified when SLIC Solutions book by Bill Eddy is released

Professional Development

  • ConflictInfluencer.com
  • New Ways Training types and dates: For professionals (HR; Workplace leaders; divorce counselors and coaches; mediators) to learn how to work with high-conflict cases, clients or situations

Resources

  • EMDRIA.com: EMDR International Association (trauma treatment training/resources)
  • DialecticalBehaviorTherapy.com: A free course for taking control of your thoughts, emotions, and relationships. 40+ lessons with guides, videos, and worksheets.

Connect With Us

  • Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
  • Submit questions for Bill and Megan
  • Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
  • Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (01:34) - Trauma and Entitlement
  • (01:51) - You're Being Too Nice
  • (07:09) - Setting Limits
  • (08:23) - Possibilities
  • (12:32) - Broader Context or Narrower?
  • (16:51) - Empathy at a Distance
  • (21:10) - Pointing to Where Limits Need to Be Set
  • (22:35) - Example
  • (25:47) - If Threats Continue
  • (31:29) - Wrap Up
  • (32:00) - Reminders

Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

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4 months ago
34 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
Female Teacher Sexual Misconduct: Understanding Power Dynamics and Emotional Drivers

Female Teachers Who Sexually Assault Male Students: Understanding a Complex Issue

Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the concerning pattern of sexual misconduct between female teachers and male students. This episode examines the psychological, interpersonal, and cultural factors that contribute to these situations, while providing insights for prevention and awareness.

Understanding the Dynamics
Research indicates these cases often involve teachers targeting older adolescents (15-16 years old), with interactions occurring both inside and outside school settings. The motivations tend to be emotionally-driven rather than predatory. While federal data doesn't track gender-specific statistics, anecdotal evidence suggests increased visibility of these cases in recent years.

The behavioral patterns in these cases often reveal complex emotional attachment issues, where professional boundaries become increasingly blurred. Teachers who demonstrate this conduct typically exploit their position of authority while developing inappropriate emotional connections with students. This process frequently involves grooming behaviors, where the adult gradually manipulates the relationship dynamic through special attention, emotional manipulation, and progressive boundary violations.

Questions We Answer in This Episode:

  • What psychological factors contribute to this behavior?
  • How does grooming manifest in educational settings?
  • What are the impacts on teenage male victims?
  • What warning signs should parents and schools watch for?
  • How can educational institutions prevent these situations?

Key Takeaways:

  • Clear boundaries and oversight are essential in educational settings
  • Schools need comprehensive policies and annual training
  • Parents should maintain open communication about boundaries
  • Early intervention and awareness can prevent escalation
  • Professional support should be available for at-risk teachers

This episode provides valuable insights for educators, parents, and administrators while examining the complex factors that contribute to these concerning situations. Understanding these dynamics helps create safer educational environments and better protection for students.

Additional Resources

Watch the Full New York Post video “Psychologist Explains Why Female Teachers Have Sex With Students”

Organizations

  • RAINN (Help for men and boys who have been sexually assaulted or abused)
    • Article: Sexual Assault of Men and Boys
    • National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800.656.HOPE (U.S.)
  • 1in6.org (Support for men who have experienced sexual abuse or assault)
    • 501(c)(3) Zero Abuse Project

Expert Publications

  • Lessons to Learn: Female Educators Who Sexually Abuse Their Students (Psychiatric Times)
  • How Female Sexual Abusers Groom Their Victims (Psychology Today - Dr. Elizabeth L. Jeglic Ph.D.)
  • Sexual assault has lasting effects on teenagers’ mental health and education (National Institute for Health and Care Research)

Professional & Personal Development

  • ConflictInfluencer.com

Connect With Us

  • Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
  • Submit questions for Bill and Megan
  • Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
  • Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (01:33) - Female Teachers who Sexually Assault Young Male Students
  • (02:01) - Background Research
  • (04:18) - What They're Trying to Recreate
  • (05:22) - Looking at the Individual Aspect
  • (09:07) - Trying to Fill a Hole
  • (11:16) - Looking at the Cultural Aspect
  • (12:32) - More Research
  • (15:27) - Impact on Student
  • (17:42) - Attraction to the Extremes
  • (20:29) - Teens with Signs of High Conflict Traits
  • (22:11) - What to Be Aware of
  • (25:03) - Raising Education Levels
  • (27:29) - What Parents and Schools Can Do
  • (33:02) - Reminders

Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

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4 months ago
34 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
High Conflict Surprises: How to Recover When You Never Saw It Coming

When High Conflict Takes You By Surprise

Life can change dramatically when you unexpectedly encounter a person who demonstrates high conflict behavior. Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter from the High Conflict Institute in Scottsdale, Arizona, explore the unsettling experience of being blindsided by high conflict situations—whether in a new job, relationship, or family dynamic.

Understanding the Impact of Unexpected High Conflict
When high conflict behavior emerges unexpectedly, it often creates a destabilizing ripple effect. The initial confusion and self-doubt can leave anyone questioning their capabilities and judgment. This episode examines how these situations develop, from the early stages of confusion through the progression of mounting tension and isolation.

Recognizing High Conflict Patterns
The most challenging aspect of surprise high conflict situations is their ability to create self-doubt in even the most confident individuals. What begins as an attempt to improve communication or performance often escalates into a pattern of increasing criticism and isolation. Understanding these patterns helps identify when you're dealing with high conflict behavior rather than typical workplace or relationship challenges.

Questions We Answer in This Episode

  • How do you recognize when self-doubt stems from high conflict behavior?
  • What makes group high conflict situations especially challenging?
  • Why do attempts to "try harder" often backfire with high conflict people?
  • How can you protect yourself from high conflict surprises?

Key Takeaways

  • Remember "It's not about me" when facing unexpected criticism
  • 90% of people don't engage in high conflict behavior
  • Physical distance can help manage high conflict situations
  • Trust your experience with non-high conflict relationships
  • Setting clear limits with consequences can be effective

High conflict surprises can happen to anyone, anywhere. This episode provides practical insights for recognizing, understanding, and managing these challenging situations while maintaining your confidence and perspective.

Additional Resources

Expert Publications

  • It’s All Your Fault at Work! Dealing with Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People - Managing High Conflict Workplace Dynamics
  • 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life - Understanding High Conflict Behavior

Professional Development

  • New Ways for Couples & Families: Online relationship strengthening course
  • ConflictInfluencer.com: Advanced conflict management training (Coming Soon)

Connect With Us

  • Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
  • Submit questions for Bill and Megan
  • Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
  • Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (01:32) - High Conflict Surprises
  • (02:37) - Updates
  • (03:32) - Bill’s Example
  • (09:07) - What Happens In Our Minds
  • (11:03) - Progression and Impact
  • (13:02) - CARS Method
  • (20:23) - Recentering Yourself
  • (23:59) - New on the Job
  • (26:08) - High Conflict Traps
  • (27:19) - Target of Blame
  • (29:00) - Larger Groups
  • (31:42) - Wrap Up
  • (32:44) - Reminders

Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

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4 months ago
33 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
“Why Don’t You Just Leave?”: Understanding Abuse & Finding Your Way Out

Understanding Why People Stay in Abusive Relationships

Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter return for their seventh season of It's All Your Fault to tackle a challenging but critical topic: why people stay in abusive relationships. Drawing from their extensive experience at the High Conflict Institute, they explore the complex psychological, financial, and social factors that make leaving difficult—even for those with resources and support networks.

The Power of Coercive Control

The episode delves into how coercive control operates in relationships, using the high-profile example of FKA Twigs and Shia LaBeouf. Bill and Megan examine how abusers use tactics like love bombing, isolation, and emotional manipulation to maintain power. They emphasize that this pattern appears not just in romantic relationships, but in workplaces, families, and elder care situations.

Understanding Personality Patterns

The discussion explores how people with cluster B personality traits may engage in controlling behaviors. Bill and Megan carefully explain the connection between personality patterns and abusive behavior, while emphasizing that not everyone with these traits becomes abusive. They examine how cultural factors and early life experiences can influence the development of controlling behaviors.

Breaking Free and Finding Help

The hosts share practical advice for recognizing abuse and seeking help, highlighting the importance of self-talk and building support networks. They discuss how professionals and concerned individuals can better support those in abusive situations, emphasizing the need for careful investigation rather than quick dismissal of abuse claims.

Questions we answer in this episode:

  • Why do capable, independent people stay in abusive relationships?
  • How does coercive control work in different types of relationships?
  • What role do personality patterns play in abusive behavior?
  • How can professionals better identify and help abuse victims?
  • What are the first steps to breaking free from an abusive relationship?

Key Takeaways:

  • Abusive relationships often involve complex psychological manipulation
  • Financial and social factors can make leaving extremely difficult
  • Self-doubt and eroded self-esteem are common barriers to leaving
  • Support systems are crucial for helping people leave abusive situations
  • Professional help and community awareness can make a significant difference

This episode provides valuable insights for anyone trying to understand abusive relationships—whether personally affected or supporting others. Bill and Megan's expertise shines through as they offer practical guidance while maintaining sensitivity around this complex topic.

Note: Content warning for discussions of domestic violence and abuse. Some listeners may find portions of this episode challenging.

Links & Other Notes

  • Reach out to the U.S. Domestic Violence Hotline if you’re in an abusive relationship and need help via their website or call 800-799-7233
  • BOOKS
    • Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them - How to Stop Them
    • Dating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to the The One Who Will Make Your Life Hell
  • ARTICLES
    • Why Is It So Hard to Leave Abusive Relationships? (And What Can Be Done to Help?)
  • COURSES
    • New Ways for Couples & Families (for strengthening or saving relationships, and helping their kids, if any)
    • Conflict Influencer website alert signup (coming July 8)
  • OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
  • Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
  • All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
  • You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (01:32) - Why It’s Hard to Leave Abusive Relationships
  • (02:58) - Catching Up
  • (08:42) - New Ways for Couples and Families
  • (11:08) - Other Updates
  • (11:31) - Why It’s Hard to Leave a Relationship Example
  • (19:38) - How It Grows
  • (21:25) - Evolving Inequality and Secrecy
  • (25:01) - Men Who Are Abused
  • (27:32) - Common Thread
  • (28:30) - Personalities and When to Report
  • (33:09) - Living in the Fear Mode
  • (36:50) - What to Do
  • (41:23) - If It’s Someone You Know
  • (44:43) - Signoff

Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

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4 months ago
46 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
Histrionics Unveiled: The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life (Part 6) • REBROADCAST

While we’re on our hiatus, we’re playing some of our popular episodes again from our ‘5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life’ series. Enjoy!

REBROADCAST

The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Series: Histrionic High Conflict Personalities

In this installment of "The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life" series, Megan and Bill explore the world of histrionic high conflict personalities. They discuss the key characteristics of histrionics, including exaggerated emotions, a constant need for attention, and a tendency to misjudge relationships.

Surprisingly, despite cultural stereotypes, research shows histrionic personality disorder is equally common in men and women. Bill and Megan also delve into how social media and influencer culture can feed histrionic tendencies, while emphasizing that having some traits doesn't necessarily indicate a disorder.

Questions we answer in this episode:

  • What defines a histrionic personality?
  • Is histrionic personality disorder more common in men or women?
  • How can you deal with exhausting histrionic behavior?

Key Takeaways:

  • Histrionic personalities are characterized by drama and a need for attention.
  • Histrionic personality disorder involves a pattern of blaming others.
  • Setting clear boundaries is crucial when dealing with histrionic behavior.

Whether you have a histrionic person in your life or want to learn more about high conflict personalities, this episode offers valuable insights and practical strategies for navigating these challenging dynamics.

Links & Other Notes

  • BOOKS
    • 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
    • It's All Your Fault!
  • ARTICLES
    • Dealing with Drama: Histrionic High Conflict People
    • Living with High-Conflict People Series: Do’s and Don’ts for living with a Histrionic High-Conflict Person
  • OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
  • Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
  • All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
  • You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (00:38) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Histrionic
  • (01:30) - What Is Histrionic?
  • (08:33) - Misjudgment of Relationships
  • (11:14) - Drawing Others In
  • (13:16) - In Daily Life
  • (15:34) - Frequency
  • (19:11) - Men and Women
  • (23:28) - Ancient Histrionic Personalities and Influencers
  • (27:53) - Skills to Relieve Exhaustion
  • (30:03) - Negative Advocates
  • (31:18) - Lying and Exaggeration
  • (32:33) - Paul McCartney
  • (35:14) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Paranoid Personalities

Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

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5 months ago
36 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
Unmasking the Narcissist: The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life (Part 5) • REBROADCAST

While we’re on our hiatus, we’re playing some of our popular episodes again from our ‘5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life’ series. Enjoy!

REBROADCAST

Navigating Narcissistic High Conflict Personalities

In this revealing episode of "It's All Your Fault," part of the Five Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life series, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy explore the world of narcissistic high conflict personalities. They delve into the key traits of narcissists, the distinction between grandiose and vulnerable narcissists, and the potential connection between narcissistic personalities and domestic violence.

Recognizing Narcissistic High Conflict Personalities

Bill and Megan outline the defining characteristics of narcissistic high conflict personalities, such as their incessant need to feel superior, their sense of entitlement, and their lack of empathy. They explain how these individuals often exploit and mistreat others to preserve their grandiose self-image and how they respond when confronted with perceived challenges to their superiority.

The Two Faces of Narcissism: Grandiose vs. Vulnerable

Not all narcissists are alike. Bill and Megan explore the contrasts between grandiose and vulnerable narcissists. Grandiose narcissists tend to be more calculated and predatory in their actions, while vulnerable narcissists are generally more reactive and emotionally unstable. Grasping these nuances can be essential in recognizing and handling high conflict personalities.

Narcissism in Various Contexts

Narcissistic personalities can be encountered in various aspects of life, but some fields and occupations appear to draw them more than others. Bill and Megan discuss the prevalence of narcissists in healthcare, higher education, and the tech industry, and how these individuals can foster toxic work environments and strained relationships.

Questions we answer in this episode:

  • What defines narcissistic high conflict personalities?
  • How do grandiose and vulnerable narcissists differ in their conduct?
  • Which fields and occupations are more likely to attract narcissistic personalities?
  • Is there a link between narcissism and domestic violence?
  • How can you identify and cope with a narcissistic high conflict personality?

Key Takeaways:

  • Narcissistic high conflict personalities constantly strive to feel superior and entitled.
  • They often lack empathy and manipulate others to uphold their inflated self-image.
  • Grandiose narcissists are more calculated, while vulnerable narcissists are more reactive.
  • Some fields, like healthcare and higher education, may attract more narcissists.
  • Recognizing the differences between narcissistic personalities can aid in identifying and managing them.

This episode offers valuable insights into the intricate realm of narcissistic high conflict personalities. Whether you're navigating a relationship with a narcissist in your personal life or at work, Bill and Megan's expertise and practical guidance can help you manage these challenging interactions and safeguard your well-being.

Links & Other Notes

  • COURSES
    • Conversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 Experts
    • Handling Family Law Cases Involving Narcissistic High Conflict People
  • BOOKS
    • 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
    • Dating Radar
    • Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
  • ARTICLES
    • Domestic Violence vs. High Conflict Families: Are one or two people driving the conflict?
    • Narcissists As Leaders
    • Living with High Conflict People Series: Do’s and Don’ts for Living with a Narcissist High Conflict Person
    • Narcissists as Leaders: Good or Bad for Your Organization?
  • DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HELP
    • National Domestic Violence Hotline
      • 800.799.SAFE (7233) USA
    • Services Australia
    • Family Violence Resources Canada
    • OTHER COUNTRIES: do an online search for “domestic violence in ___ (your country or city’s name)”
  • OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
  • Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
  • All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
  • You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (00:38) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 6
  • (01:18) - Narcissistic HCPs
  • (02:48) - Social Impairment and/or Internal Distress
  • (04:55) - See Themselves as Superior
  • (12:02) - Feeling Entitled to Special Treatment
  • (13:16) - Lacking Empathy
  • (21:12) - Stats
  • (24:06) - The Two Types
  • (27:17) - Lying
  • (29:41) - Apologizing
  • (33:02) - Domestic Violence
  • (35:11) - Stalking
  • (36:01) - Letting Go of Relationships
  • (40:12) - Signs If It’s Your Partner
  • (44:11) - Steps to Take
  • (46:30) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: A Special Guest

Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

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5 months ago
47 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
Recognizing High Conflict Patterns: The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life (Part 1) • REBROADCAST

While we’re on our hiatus, we’re playing some of our popular episodes again from our ‘5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life’ series. Enjoy!

REBROADCAST

Introducing the 5 Types of High Conflict Personalities: Who Can Ruin Your Life? (Part 1)

In this thought-provoking first episode of a new series on It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, embark on an exploration of the five types of high conflict personalities who can wreak havoc in your life. Drawing from Bill's book "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life," they provide a broad overview of these challenging personalities, setting the stage for a deeper dive into each type in upcoming episodes.

Understanding High Conflict Personalities
Bill and Megan illuminate the perplexing nature of high conflict personalities, emphasizing that these individuals often lack self-awareness and may not even realize the impact of their behavior on others. They stress the importance of recognizing patterns of behavior rather than focusing on isolated incidents, as high conflict personalities tend to exhibit consistent patterns of blame-shifting, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and extreme behaviors.

Navigating Relationships with High Conflict Individuals
Throughout the episode, Bill and Megan offer practical strategies for navigating relationships with high conflict personalities. They caution against common pitfalls, such as attempting to provide insight into the person's behavior or engaging in emotional arguments. Instead, they recommend focusing on the present, offering choices, and using the CARS method (Connect, Analyze, Respond, Set Limits) to de-escalate conflicts and maintain healthy boundaries.

Questions we answer in this episode:

  • Who are the five types of high conflict personalities that can ruin your life?
  • What are the defining characteristics of a high conflict personality?
  • How can I recognize patterns of high conflict behavior?
  • What are the common mistakes to avoid when dealing with high conflict individuals?
  • What can I expect from the upcoming episodes in this series?

Key Takeaways:

  • The five types of high conflict personalities can have a profound negative impact on your life if left unchecked.
  • High conflict personalities often lack self-awareness and may not realize the impact of their behavior on others.
  • Recognizing patterns of behavior is crucial when dealing with high conflict individuals.
  • Avoid trying to provide insight, engaging in emotional arguments, focusing on the past, or labeling the person.
  • Stay tuned for upcoming episodes that will explore each of the five types in greater depth, providing targeted strategies for managing these specific personalities.

Whether you're dealing with a high conflict partner, family member, coworker, or friend, this episode sets the foundation for understanding and managing these challenging relationships. By introducing the five types of high conflict personalities and providing a broad overview of strategies for dealing with them, Bill and Megan offer listeners a roadmap for the upcoming series, which promises to deliver invaluable insights and tools for navigating life's most difficult interpersonal dynamics.

Links & Other Notes

  • BOOKS
    • 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
  • ARTICLES
    • Who Are High-Conflict People?
    • The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
    • Five Types of High-Conflict Personalities And their targets of blame—and sometimes violence.
    • Anybody You Know? Predictable Characteristics of High Conflict People
  • COURSES
    • Courses for professional training
    • Courses for individuals
    • Conflict Influencer Class (live virtual)
  • OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
  • Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
  • All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
  • You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (00:35) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
  • (01:14) - Creating Awareness
  • (05:54) - Starting to See It Differently
  • (12:09) - Key Characteristics
  • (21:29) - Options
  • (22:34) - Four Forget-About-Its
  • (25:57) - Four Things to Do
  • (28:56) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Narcissistic High Conflict People

Learn more about our New Ways for Work for Leaders. Get started today!

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5 months ago
30 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
Royal Family Fallout: How Public Scrutiny Damages Family Reconciliation

Royal Family Drama: Understanding High Conflict Family Dynamics

In this compelling episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter dive into the high-profile family conflict within the British Royal Family, specifically examining the situation with Prince Harry, Meghan Markle, and their relationship with the rest of the monarchy. Through this lens, they explore broader lessons about family conflict, institutional traditions, and the impact of public scrutiny on family dynamics.

The Role of Media and Public Spotlight
Bill and Megan discuss how media attention can escalate family conflicts, making resolution more difficult. They emphasize that keeping conflicts small and private is crucial for resolution. The hosts examine how the Netflix documentary, Oprah interview, and Harry's memoir "Spare" have affected family dynamics and potentially complicated reconciliation efforts.

Institutional Structure vs. Modern Expectations
The episode explores the tension between traditional hierarchical structures and modern expectations of equality. Bill and Megan analyze how this clash affects family businesses and institutions during generational transitions, using the Royal Family as a prime example of these challenges.

Family Conflict Resolution Strategies
Drawing from their extensive experience, Bill and Megan share insights about effective conflict resolution techniques, including the importance of private discussions, mutual respect, and the role of skilled mediators in family disputes.

Questions we answer in this episode:

  • How does media attention affect family conflict resolution?
  • What role do traditional institutions play in family dynamics?
  • How can families manage public vs. private boundaries?
  • When should families seek outside help for conflict?
  • What makes reconciliation possible in high conflict situations?

Key Takeaways:

  • Keep family conflicts private and small-scale for better resolution
  • Consider the impact of public attention on family dynamics
  • Focus on future solutions rather than past grievances
  • Recognize the importance of mutual respect and equality
  • Understand when to move forward versus continuing conflict

This episode offers valuable insights for anyone dealing with family conflict, whether in public or private settings. Through the lens of the Royal Family's situation, listeners gain practical strategies for managing family dynamics, understanding institutional pressures, and working toward meaningful resolution in challenging relationships.

Links & Other Notes

  • NEW COURSE
    • New Ways for Couples & Families
  • SIGN UP FOR OUR NEWSLETTER here
  • OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
  • Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
  • All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
  • You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (01:30) - Conflict in the Royal Family
  • (02:02) - Catching Up
  • (05:50) - Harry and Meghan
  • (13:48) - A Grownup in the Room
  • (18:12) - Devil’s Advocate
  • (21:22) - The Institution
  • (25:21) - Family Dynamics
  • (27:20) - New Ways for Couples and Families
  • (30:15) - Working Toward Equal Relationships
  • (33:03) - EAR Skills
  • (35:52) - Wrap Up
  • (36:29) - A Brief Hiatus

Learn more about our New Ways for Work for Leaders. Get started today!

Show more...
5 months ago
37 minutes

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else. They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life! Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way? In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid. And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.