As Autumn sets in once again, humanity must face the eternal questions of decay that haunt the bare branches and long shadows of Hallow’s Eve. Life is full of Grumbles, as this podcast attests; but so then is the ever-present awareness of mortality. As the spiritual veil pulls back, now is the time to question that infinite darkness of the beyond. But which is the more haunting idea: to cross the River Styx and join the dead, or to remain tethered to this world with business unfinished? Percolate this purgatory with Mat and Veronique as we invoke the spirits and confront our metaphysical and metaphorical Ghosts!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



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For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

The meaning of life is a question that has plagued philosophers since the dawn of time. Some say love, or laughter, maybe presence of mind, even the number 42 may hold the answer; but the question persists. Except in a scientific sense. The whole purpose of life in a scientific sense is to procreate. The proliferation of life is the purpose of life. This, very simply, means that we must pair off. As in Noah’s Ark, two-by-two we must seclude ourselves and procreate. Some species don’t like to cohabitate, like the Black Widow or the Praying Mantis, it’s more of a one-night-stand situation. And some animals choose to mate for life, like the penguin or the swan. And then there is Humankind. Of course we complicate things with bureaucracy. Contracts must be signed and alliances must be strengthened through generational guarantees. And when taxes are owed, the government needs certification that these two individuals have obligated themselves to mate for life. Bind yourself to Mat and Veronique as we remove the Romantic Comedy from our lives and chase that stoic, concrete nuptial contract of Weddings!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



_____________________________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

Music is a fundamental element to humankind’s soul. Before spoken language, there was music. Our bodies have circadian rhythms and heart beats, but also our nature calls us to tap and clap. Drums call us to dance and horns summon us to war. We sing to our babies and we sing to our gods. We fife our revolutions and we Dance Dance Revolution. The melody is inside of us and it harmonizes with our nature. But like a crippling addiction, we demand more and more. Turn it up! More cowbell! Modern speaker technology allows music to cripple us. The bass is no longer moving our feet so much as quaking our footing. When fans are passing out earplugs at the concerts they paid to attend, are we harmonizing with our inner-selves or masochistically self-destructing? Amplify your rage with Mat and Veronique as we push past the tinnitus with the deafening cacophony of Music Volume!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



_____________________________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

In humankinds modern, late-stage-capitalistic world, one of the most celebrated luxuries is Flavor. Chefs and Sommeliers are world renowned celebrities. The spicy Scoville-covered-chicken enhanced interrogations called ‘Hot Ones’ is not only legal under the Geneva Conventions, but popular entertainment. For thousands of years, salt, spices, teas, and flavors have caused wars, slave-trade, and the fall of dynasties. But, now, in the days of the Coca-Cola Freestyle machine, where 165 flavors are the touch-of-a-button away, people still grapple over flavor. When Sumatran Arabica and Ecuadorian Robusta are on the same shelf as Celsius, how can either be the finer? Wake up with Veronique and Mat to the vibrant, robust odor or Coffee Snobs!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



_____________________________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

In a more Enlightened Age, humankind’s fundamental, inalienable rights were simmered down to Life, Liberty, and Property. Nine tenths of the law revolves around Possession. We treat material ownership with divine reverence. But just because someone owns something, doesn’t mean they know where it is. When we encounter an object bereft of its owner, we label it as Lost… depending on size. A wallet on the side of the road is lost, but a car is not. A needle in a haystack is lost, but a plow is not. Do we find the owner? Or do we move it to a more central location? But also, removing something without an owners permission is theft. In this murky, thick, grey bog of split morality, how can we know what the right and true thing to do is? Recover your bygone moral compass with Mat and Veronique as we uncover the secret map to the fabled Lost and Found!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



_____________________________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

Humankind does not have fur. Somewhere along the Darwinian path, it became advantageous to free ourselves of this coat and instead weave our own, seasonal wardrobe. Since then, clothing has become very much a part of our self-identity. We wear clothes based on weather, occasion, occupation, and fashion; but never would we leave the house without something covering our bare nudity. In the unseemly heat, we get as close as possible, but never can we escape the binding need for coverage. When the cloth we cover ourselves with for warmth becomes the shield for our unmentionables, are we free to express ourselves? Or are we shackled by shame? Sinch up your skimpiest outfit with Veronique and Mat as we fail to cool off by busting out the Summer Shorts!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



_____________________________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

The Earth sources all of its energy from the Sun. The Sun heats the Earth, allowing for liquid water, which it then evaporates, giving us atmosphere and fresh water. It feeds the plants and it dries our laundry. But it is also a poison to us. It is not only vampires and trolls that must shield themselves from its furious light, but we mortal humans must cower from the terrors of its rays. The Sun dries us out, beats our senses, irradiates our skin, and ages us like drinking from the false grail. So why do we bathe in its light? Why do we seek it out at the edges of our shores? Come lay-out with Mat and Veronique as we unshadow this solar Stockholm Syndrome we suffer from the blinding bane of Sunshine!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



_____________________________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

Humankind may be the top of the food chain, but that chain still binds us. As mortals, we still must eat. We must eat, like, all the time. Eons ago, our ancestors could just pluck an herbivore out of the flock and munch away, but these days food can be scarce. Sometimes we must trek as far as three or four blocks away to find a suitable meal. Until the App Store, that is! Now, right from the convenience of our phone, we can send our local money all the way across the country to Silicon Valley to have them phone in an order at our local burger shop for us! At the touch of a button, and an hour or so later – fumigated in the tobacco and body odors of a 2003 Honda Civic – soggy, room-temperature food appears as if out of nowhere! Slap on a bib with Mat and Veronique as we shell out some extra gratuity for this marvelous service of Food Delivery Apps!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



_____________________________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

The modern household is a wonder of technological efficiency. We have machines that perform mundane tasks to alleviate those stresses from our busy lives. Washing clothes used to take us all the way to the river for half a day, but not with modern machinery! Just permanent press those yoga pants at the touch of a button! Brushing out the carpet? No longer! Just create a personal vortex, rifting the space-time continuum and bringing the vacuum of the cosmos right down on those dust-bunnies in under the couch. And keeping food safe and cold is no problem with the arctic-closet we call the fridge. But innovation can sometimes slow down the easement of these technologies. When we start designing ice-boxes more like lap-tops, the simplicity freezes up. Deprogram the space-age with Veronique and Mat as we stare into the void, wondering what we’re going to cook up from these Fancy Refrigerators!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



_____________________________________



Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



_____________________________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

It is a fast paced-world we live in. Every great leap in technology is designed to make life easier: the printing press copies books for us, the cotton-gin picks seeds for us, the computer does all of our computing, and A.I. does all of our marketing and research. So why aren’t we all sitting on the beach? Ironically, all of these advancements have made us busier. Productivity is through the roof. There is no time between things anymore. Don’t squeeze in a lunch between telegraphs, because Beijing is already on the cellphone. And when emails circumnavigate the globe faster than the blink of an eye, there is no longer time to blink. With Slack in our pockets, there are no gaps between work and home life. And if you happen to come up with a moment or two to catch your breath, well, let’s fill it in, slowpoke! You’re late for your conference-call with Mat and Veronique covering the importance of transparency in your minute-by-minute Calendly of availability in the tumultuous syphoning of Group Scheduling!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



_____________________________________



Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



_____________________________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

Safety first. Nothing is more important than your health and safety. Especially when traveling. So when we drive, we wear our seatbelts; and when we fly, we pose for full-frontal nude X-ray photographs for the federal agents that confiscate all of our belongings to search in a totally reasonable seizure of our rights. Because safety. We can’t outlaw guns, though, not for safety, guns are protected by the constitution. I mean, our right to property and freedom from unreasonable search and seizure are also protected by the constitution, but that right we have to forgo, because to keep safe from guns we have to give those rights up. How do we rank our rights and which to forfeit? Step right into the gamma ray machine with Mat and Veronique as we scrutinize the three ounces of brainpower that govern the arbitrary rules of The T.S.A!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



_____________________________________



Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



_____________________________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

In the near future, the robots are winning the war against humans. Any human action taken outside of acceptable drone-performance is swiftly punished. Labor is rewarded with an hourly stipend for feed and shelter. Any human luxuries, like soap or floss, are locked behind plexiglass, to be distributed as tokens of good behavior. The tariff wars will determine the market-price of life-hours, and the S&P 5000 bots will calculate the value your accrued hours can be traded out. Out of this darkness, one man will emerge. This one man holds the key, and every human at CVS is relying on him. Join our heroes, Mat and Veronique, as we begin an epic quest to find the Chosen One, the lone employee with the key to the Drug Store Cages!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



_____________________________________



Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



_____________________________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

We don’t have a fresh Grumble this week, but it may be time to revisit the topic of ‘Hating Taxes.’ It seems that our government has been taken over by a shadowy, robed cabal of unelected, out-of-touch oligarchs who Hate Taxes.



There are few things as universally reviled in this world as the repugnant idea of taxes. The image of the tax-collector is that of a brutish thug, a member of the League of Evil, sitting right between the mobster hit-man and the concert-ticket scalper. But where did this sinister visage come from? For-profit corporations take far more of our pay for ‘health insurance;’ banks charge a lifetime of interest through student and mortgage loans. Taxes, on the other hand, don’t go to private corporate, offshore Panamanian bank vaults. Taxes become roads and sewers, National Parks, Hubble Space Telescopes. Taxes clean the water and the air, taxes put out our fires and disinfect our food and drugs. There’s so much in this world to Grumble about… Is it really taxes we hate? Join Mat and Veronique as we audit these last minute deductions on Hating Taxes.



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



________________________________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

Descartes argues that the only thing I can be sure of with certainty is that my consciousness exists. Everything else is built on trust. We take for granted that we know everyone in our lives exists and our relation to them is built on foundations of truth. Except for one day a year. There is a day in the calendar that puts us in a Truman Show of our own. We can trust nothing that comes out of peoples’ mouths, and nothing that we see on the internet. Any clear path we see could be a Wile-E Coyote facade painted on a rock face. And when anything can be cake, it must be assumed that everything is cake. And the cake, itself, is a lie. But is this a day that celebrates constructive, Ocean’s Eleven-style misdirection pranks, or is it a pants-on-fire lie fest? Join Mark and Victoria as we discuss the latest episode of White Lotus …



… April FoOls!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



_____________________________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

In Humankind’s humbler beginnings, news and rumor were slow to travel. A merchant ship might dock and bring word from other parts of the world. Stories might be embellished over time, Xerxes might be forty feet tall and surrounded by cyclops, Rhodes might have a colossus, Pharaohs might have mummy issues. The village idiot may be spreading rumors of these monsters, while the town crier maybe tempers the news to more realistic proportions. But we live in the modern world of instant gratification. There is no time to fact-check every exaggeration, and DOGE is here to streamline the process. Why waste taxpayer money having a village idiot AND a town crier? Every idiot can scream their opinion right into the social broadband! And when the News turns to reporting Tweets directly to their viewers eyes, there’s no need for anyone to be informed anymore!



Tune in with Veronique and Mat as we finally look up from our phones to watch Social Media eulogize journalistic integrity right there on the Twitter News!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



____________________



Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



____________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

Humankind’s origins were a brutal quest for survival. Hunting for food and fighting prey with simple tools was tiring work. And what was the reward for it? Bloody flesh for a meal. Sweets were a very rare treat. Every once in a while our ancestors might risk some bee stings to get a taste of that sweet honey. But now, sugar is in everything. The faucet of high-fructose corn syrup pumps that calorie-rich ooze right into our veins. Staple foods that were once the bland building-blocks of meals are now sticky with sugar. But when everything is candy, how do we pull back on the saccharine without sacrificing our sweet-tooth? Join Mat and Veronique as we caramelize our cravings with assurances that it’s Not Too Sweet!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



____________________



Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



____________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

Humans are very small, in the Grand Schematics of Things. Large things have a gravitational force. Large things have very much matter. The Sun controls the spinning of the Earth, the seasons, the day and night. Small things, like humans, don’t have much control over the rotation of the Earth. But we have developed a way for small men to become large. Not with matter, but with money; and while money doesn’t have much matter, money does matter much. Small men with very large sums of money can move the Earth, they control our media, they control our commerce, they can destroy bodies of water with a single lobbyist, or launch electric cars into orbit to replicate that game of catch they always wanted from their fathers. And once these small men start buying governments, what will stop these black holes from consuming everything? Kneel down before Mat and Veronique as we levy taxes on the proletariat to satiate our newly-minted Billionaires!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



____________________



Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



____________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

It’s that special time of year, again. Not Groundhogs Day, groundhogs celebrate their love all year long. No, I’m talking about Valentine’s Day. It’s a day to celebrate that special someone in your life: your partner, your companion, the person you rely on every day of the year, the person you confide your every thought and wish upon; this is the day to show them how much you care about them by purchasing ultra-processed confectionaries, sweat-factory plushies, and mass-produced greeting cards. It’s wonderfully efficient how perfectly you can symbolically phone-in the metaphor of taking your loved one for granted. If only there were a way to show someone you’re willing to put in the effort without the difficulty of the effort part. Grab some crayons with Mat and Veronique as we cheap-out on sentimental Valentine Cards!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



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For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

Welcome to the second non-annual G.O.A.T. Awards! Awards season is upon us, and just like the Hollywood elite, the content creators at Grumble Goat also need constant positive reinforcement. Enjoy your favorite moments from Grumble Goats past while the Sorting Top Hat of Randomness dictates the winners and losers. Applaud Mat and Veronique as we shower each other with G.O.A.T Awards!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



____________________



Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoatJoin the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



____________________



For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.comGrumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTokFollow your hosts: Mat | Veronique

The very foundation of Human Civilization is the ability to work together. Cooperation amongst humans has created cities, global networks, space exploration, and crypto-mining. Yet one of the most historically decisive forms of collaboration is war. The way we relax on Sunday afternoons is to watch goliaths slaughter one another on the gridiron. We work together on scientific advancements just to out-nuclear-power another country. The duality of humankind is that we are strongest working together aggressively. Is it possible to harness this bloodlust toward building a better society? Join Mat, Veronique, and Guest – Logan Kovach – as we put our heads together in order to once and for all destroy the loser of the eternal Competition vs. Collaboration!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat



Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible



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Follow Logan Kovach on Insta: @jlogankovach



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For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com



Make your G.O.A.T. Awards Nominations: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com



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Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique