In Humankind’s humbler beginnings, news and rumor were slow to travel. A merchant ship might dock and bring word from other parts of the world. Stories might be embellished over time, Xerxes might be forty feet tall and surrounded by cyclops, Rhodes might have a colossus, Pharaohs might have mummy issues. The village idiot may be spreading rumors of these monsters, while the town crier maybe tempers the news to more realistic proportions. But we live in the modern world of instant gratification. There is no time to fact-check every exaggeration, and DOGE is here to streamline the process. Why waste taxpayer money having a village idiot AND a town crier? Every idiot can scream their opinion right into the social broadband! And when the News turns to reporting Tweets directly to their viewers eyes, there’s no need for anyone to be informed anymore!



Tune in with Veronique and Mat as we finally look up from our phones to watch Social Media eulogize journalistic integrity right there on the Twitter News!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



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