Boundaries keep us safe. They differentiate us from each other. They help us focus on what’s most important to us and they improve relationships by creating clear expectations, and responsibilities. However, it can be hard to figure out what boundaries you need to set. One way to identify your boundaries, is to think about the areas of your life where you’re experiencing problems. Do you constantly feel exhausted? Do you feel uncomfortable around certain people? Do you get upset when your loved ones try to run your life? Each of these issues means you lack boundaries, in these areas of your life. Here are seven common types of boundaries, that we all should have. Knowing what they are can help us be clear on what we need and help set specific boundaries. 1). Physical Boundaries- Physical boundaries protect your space. They give you the right to not be touched, to have privacy, and to meet any physical needs you may have. They let others know how close they can get to you, what kind of physical touch (if any) is okay, how much privacy you need, and how to act in your personal space. Physical boundaries clearly define at your body and personal space belong to you. 2). Sexual Boundaries- Sexual boundaries protect your right to consent, to having sex. Sexual boundaries allow you to decide what kind of sexual touch and intimacy you want, how often, when, where, and with whom who you want it with. 3). Emotional & Mental Boundaries- Emotional & mental boundaries protect your right to have your own feelings and thoughts. They protect you from not having your feelings criticized or invalidated. They also protect you from taking on other people’s feelings, as your own. Emotional boundaries also allow us to create emotional safety by respecting each other’s feelings, not oversharing personal information that may be inappropriate for the level of closeness the relationship offers. 4). Spiritual or Religious Boundaries- Spiritual boundaries protect your right to believe in who and/or what you want to believe in. It allows you to worship as you wish (in person or online), and practice the spiritual or religious beliefs, that work for you. Example: Praying before you eat or going to church on Sunday and not Saturday, etc. 5). Financial and Material Boundaries- Financial and material boundaries protect your financial resources and possessions, your right to spend your money as you see fit on whatever you want, to not give and/or loan your money or your things if you don’t want to. 6). Time Boundaries- Time boundaries protect how you spend your time. They protect you from agreeing to do things you that you don’t want to do. It also allows you to not have people waste your time. 7). Non-Negotiable Boundaries- Non-negotiable boundaries are deal-breakers, these are things you can’t, don’t, and won’t negotiate on. Examples: Cheating in a relationship, smoking in your car or home, etc. We all need some non-negotiable boundaries, because if not people will take advantage of you and your kindness. You must make sure you stick to your non-negotiables, because if you don’t people won’t take you seriously. Once you start making allowances for some, everybody will expect the same thing. Be the reason someone feels welcomed, seen, heard, loved, and supported! As you do that, go out there and be great, because great is calling you and great is calling me. Be blessed, have an amazing day on purpose, and we will talk again next week. Contact Me: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

A father once said to his daughter: "Congratulations on your graduation. I bought you a car a while back, and I want you to have it now. Before I give it to you, take it to a car dealer in the city and see how much they will give you for it.” The girl came back to her father and said: "They offered me $10,000 dollars, because it looks old.” The Father said: "Ok, now take it to the pawn shop and see how much they will give you for it". The girl went to the pawn shop, returns to her father, and says: "The pawn shop offered $1,000 dollars because it's an old car, and it needs a lot of work done to it". The father told her to join a car club, with car experts and show them the car. She found a car club and joined it. After leaving the club, she returned to her father a few hours later and said, “Some people in the club offered me $100,000 dollars, because it’s a rare car that's in good condition.” The father smiled at her and said, "I wanted you to understand, you aren’t worth anything if you aren’t in the right place. If you aren’t appreciated, don’t be angry; that just means you are in the wrong place.” Don't stay in a place where no one sees your value. Know your worth and know where you are valued. A diamond doesn't shine on the bottom of a cave.” – Unknown Here are some ways that you can get better at knowing your worth: 1. Begin with an intentional appraisal of your value. It has been suggested that you regularly make time to reflect on your achievements and recognize your contributions and efforts. Keep an ongoing journal and write down any major contributions that you can look back on when you need a reminder of how valuable you are. 2. Explore your strengths and opportunities for growth. Be curious about your impact on others and ask for feedback from those you respect. Most importantly, be courageous and align your work to your values, as this approach will support a more meaningful experience of your working life. 3. Consider the motivations behind your behavior. For example, ask yourself: Am I taking on this assignment because it aligns with my advancement goals, or because I’m looking for reassurance from my boss? Am I saying yes to going out with friends because I genuinely want to, or because I don't want to disappoint them? People need to take time to identify what they like and don’t like and make decisions based on their personal preferences and not on outside influences. 4. Practice speaking positively about yourself. Reflect on the meaning and value of your contributions, and actively build a narrative that reflects your worth. *Always be your own biggest advocate. 5. Ask for what you think you deserve, even if you’re afraid. If you think for even just a second that you’re worthy of a raise or a promotion, stick with that thought. Something inside you is saying that you’re worth it, and you’ll never know the answer unless you ask. 6. Surround yourself with positivity. Create a vision board and place it where you spend the most time. This will allow you to surround yourself with positive, motivational quotes, images, and goals for your future. Make sure you limit the time you spend with toxic friends, and anyone else who doesn’t lift you up. 7. Carve out time for self-care. Consider what you need daily to feel your best physically and mentally. If you’re not taking care of your health, you can’t reach your full potential. Contact Me: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

Are there valid reasons why you can’t get things done? Absolutely! In fact, many times, external forces are working against you such as the weather, other people’s attitudes, a car that won’t start, or world events. There are also, times when it turns out that we our own biggest issue. This is also known as self-sabotage, and it can be hard when it comes to our productivity and our wellbeing. The good news is you can get out of your way and live a much better life. Here are some things you may want to try: 1). Just do it. “First steps are always the hardest, but until they are taken, the notion of progress remains only a notion and not an achievement.” — Aberjhani 2. Remember your why. When you get to a place where you want to give up on yourself, always remember why you’re doing what you’re doing. Every now and then you have to reconnect with your purpose. If you find that you can’t connect the dots between the activity and the big picture, then stop doing it. 3. Confront any negative self-talk. Whenever you start doubting yourself, you are tempted to brush it off or shut down completely. That may work for a while, but eventually you will have to deal with that negative voice. The one that’s telling you that you aren’t good enough, you are going to fail, or you are a loser. 4. Acknowledge your strengths. Instead of focusing on the things you lack, spend more time focusing on the areas of your life that you are strong in. Again, this is where your journal comes into play. 5. Nothing Can Compare To You But You. There have been times when you have worked your butt off and didn’t get the recognition your colleague got. But, as Mark Twain once said, “Comparison is the death of joy.” When you compare yourself to others, it leads to low self-confidence and depression. It can also make you green with envy, deplete your motivation, and it won’t get you closer to your goals. 6. Make Sure You Run With The Right Crowd. We all have heard the saying, “You are the company you keep.” The people you choose to hang around with daily, are also your influencers. Whether you know it or not, they influence who you are and what you do. This is why it’s important for all of us to keep company with people who will both encourage you and hold you accountable, for the things you do or don’t do. 7. Don’t Give Yourself A Pass (Stop Making Excuses). It’s okay to forgive yourself for your mess ups, but you still must hold yourself accountable. Instead of making excuses, focus on what you can control so that you can make the right adjustments. 8. Remove Unnecessary Pressure. Life is hectic enough, so why make things worse by overcommitting or setting unrealistic expectations? Always be realistic about what you can accomplish. If you don’t have the availability or skillset, say that. If your calendar is already full, stop taking on new things; it’s alright to tell people no, you can’t do it. 9. Remove “Can’t” From Your Vocabulary. Removing this small, but powerful word from your vocabulary, is the perfect start to shifting your mindset. Stop saying you can’t do something and start saying you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Now don’t just say it, I need you to also believe it. 10. Stop Bringing Up The Past. When you keep repeating old thoughts, you block your mind from moving forward. As you know getting stuck in the past, will ensure you either repeat it or you stay where you are. Contact Me: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

Here’s how to make getting through hard times less difficult: 1. Stay Positive. “Life is not the way it’s supposed to be, it’s the way it is. The way you cope is what makes the difference.” – Virginia Satir When you stay positive, you’re putting yourself in the best position possible to not only make it through those bad times, but also to become a better person in the process. When life takes a turn for the worst, you can do one of two things: You can remain positive and remind yourself that there really is a light at the end of the tunnel and that you’ll make it through, or you can curl up in the fetal position and become a victim of circumstance. Now I’m not saying you will never have a bad day, or you won’t get a little discouraged, or shed a tear (or two). But I am saying you have to eventually pick up the pieces and start and/or keep moving forward. 2. Learn From the Difficult Times. “Facing difficulties is inevitable, learning from them is optional.” – John Maxwell Learn from what has happened, so you don’t make the same mistake twice. It’s easier getting through a difficult time when you know the chances of it happening again are slim to none. 3. Know What You’re Grateful For. Gratitude means showing appreciation for all the good in your life, instead of focusing on the negative. Get clear about what it is that you’re grateful for. Write out everything in your life you can think of that you’re grateful for having and/or experiencing. The difficult time you’re going through will start to seem less significant when it’s compared to everything that’s going right in your life. 4. Focus on What You Can Control, Not What You Can’t. Some situations are beyond your control and no matter what you do, you can’t change them. You’re setting yourself up for frustration when you focus your time and energy on things you can’t control. You’re also making the situation seem even worse than it actually is, because you’re focusing on the negatives. Instead focus on the things that are within your control because that’s the only way you can make a change that’s actually going to help you. Make a list of the things you can change and put all your focus on those things. Anything that’s not on the list, doesn’t get your attention. 5. Build Up Your Community. Having the right people around you is one of the most important things you can do for yourself when times get tough. You need loving people because a little love always makes the bad days seem a little brighter. You need caring people, because it helps to have someone who cares about your well-being as much as you do. You need honest people, who will look you in the eye and tell you truth. Their honesty may be that one piece of information, you need to get through the tough time. You need people that are available, for when you need to pick up the phone looking for some compassion and/or honesty. 6. Be Kind To Yourself. In order to survive tough times, you have to take care of yourself. It doesn’t matter what you do, just do something that gets your mind and body engaged at a higher level than wallowing in self-pity. 7. Forgive. If someone else is at fault for the bad situation you find yourself in, the natural response is to harbor anger and/or resentment towards that person. What if you forgave that person? What if you accepted what happened, and you no longer held it against them? I’ll tell you what would happen, you would feel better, because now instead of focusing on the negative feelings you have toward that person, you can focus on moving forward. Or maybe the difficult time you’re going through is a direct result of something that you did. If you don’t or can’t forgive yourself, then you get caught up in a web of self-hatred and this definitely won’t help at all. Contact Me: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

The only person who travels with you through your entire life (outside of God) is you. It’s you (and God) from the cradle to the grave. Therefore, it’s important that you take time to really get to know who you are. The three most important reasons for self-knowledge: 1). Self-love. If you know yourself the good, the bad, and the ugly, you can start to accept who you are exactly as you are. It may be a challenge to accept some aspects of our lives that we don’t perceive as positive, but we must accept them as we begin to make changes. You can deny the parts of your life you don’t like all you want to, but they won’t go away. In other words, love who you are until you get where you want to be. 2). Independence. Self-knowledge makes you independent of the opinions of other people. If you know what works for you, what is good for you and, what isn’t – it’s irrelevant what others might think of you. You are the expert of your own being. You oversee your thoughts, and you are your own personality. Independence and self-awareness are also linked to confidence. By knowing who you are and what you stand for in life, it can help to give you a strong sense of self-confidence. 3). Clear Decision Making. As we know, with knowledge comes insight and confidence and this can make the decision-making process much easier. There isn’t a lot of space for doubt once you have gained that full insight. We all speak two languages: the language of the heart and that of the head. If they are aligned, it’s easy to make decisions. But if they aren’t, your mood will decide what’s right or wrong. Example: You are going on a date and the person you’re going out with, looks good, smells good and has all the qualities you are looking for in a man or woman. However, there is something about the person that doesn’t quite sit well with you. You aren’t sure what it is, but it doesn’t feel right. Something is telling you that he or she is either married or seeing someone else, but you have no real proof. Having two different dialogues makes it impossible to be clear. Today your head is ruling, and you want to see that person, but tomorrow your heart may be telling you not to go on that date. Now you must align your head and heart so that you get clarity, in order to support easy decision making. Quote: It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong. - Thomas Sowell Be the reason someone feels welcomed, seen, heard, loved, and supported! As you do that, go out there and be great, because great is calling you and great is calling me. Be blessed, have an amazing day on purpose, and we will talk again next week. Contact Me: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

Have you ever asked yourself why is it that we have a hard time letting go of people that have made it clear, they don’t want us? I think it has to do with the fact that we didn’t make the decision to leave them first. Let’s unpack this a little bit: 1. Remember It’s Not About You. When people choose to walk out of your life, it’s a choice they are making for some reason or other. They are looking out for their wellbeing and their happiness. When this happens, let them go, don’t ever try to hold onto someone that doesn’t want to be held onto. For what? Why do you want them to be unhappy? Why do you want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with you? Peoples wants, desires, needs, and likes will change over time, and you must except that. 2. Some Relationships Are Toxic And Should Never Have Been. While you may love that person and they may love you, it’s mentally draining to one or both people and you don’t want to let go, because you are afraid of what people are going to say or think. Stop trying to keep toxic people around hoping they will change because chances are they won’t. 3. Change Happened. Change happens and it’s not always for the better. Either you changed or they changed, but either way a change happened, and neither of you are the person you were when you first met. 4. Their Season Has Ended. Everybody comes into our life for a season or a reason. You mess up when you try to keep people in your life past their time. Seasonal people were never meant to be in your life for a lifetime and when you try to keep them longer, you end up making a mess of things. Remember that song from the movie Coolie High (It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday and I’ll take with me, the memories to be my sunshine after the rain). 5. There Is No More Trust. Once trust is broken, there is nothing else left to hold onto and chances are, either you are going to leave them, or they are going to leave you. People will often leave if you, if one has broken the others trust too many times and they are tired of forgiving you. This is why it’s so important to learn from your mistakes and then move on. Let me leave you with this quote:   “There comes a point in your life when you realize: Who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. So, don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.” ― Adam Lindsay Gordon Go out there and be the reason someone feels welcomed, seen, heard, loved, and supported! As you do that, go out there and be great, because great is calling you and great is calling me. Be blessed, have an amazing day on purpose, and we will talk again next week.   Contact Me: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

We are responsible for the choices we make, so when our lives fall apart, we have to take responsibility for the part we play and not push the blame off on other people. You took the wrong turn, you gave the wrong person your love, you put up with foolishness, you didn’t know when to say no, you turned down that opportunity, you cheated, you gave up on yourself. The list can go on and on, but you get where I am going. Here is how you can take responsibility for your life: 1. Stop The Blame Game. When you blame other people and other things, all you are doing is making yourself out to be the victim. Doing this makes it harder for you to change. Why because it’s always someone else’s fault and never yours; so why should you change? Example: When your ex breaks your heart, ask yourself what role did you play in the downfall? You saw all of the signs and yet you chose to ignore them, and you stayed. 2. Stop Complaining And Do Something About It. This goes without saying, if you aren’t going to fix the problem, then don’t complain about it. You should stop complaining because that issue you are dealing with, may be a blessing in disguise. Think of it as a blessing you didn’t know you needed. 3. Stop Waiting For Someone Else To Make You Happy. Your happiness is nobody else’s responsibility but yours. Waiting on someone to make you happy, may take a lifetime and even then, it’s not guaranteed. 4. Live In The Right Now. You can’t change the past and present isn’t promised to you, so focus only on what you can control right now. We all can learn from our past, so it’s ok to glance over your shoulder to see where you’ve come from or what you’ve been through, but don’t stay there too long. You are the gate keeper of your thoughts, yesterday, today, and always. Be the reason someone feels welcomed, seen, heard, loved, and supported! As you do that, go out there and be great, because great is calling you and great is calling me. Be blessed, have an amazing day on purpose, and we will talk again next week. Contact Me: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

In order to create the life you’ve always dreamed of, you have to start by creating a vision of who you want to become. Here are some things you may want to do: 1. Picture What You Want Your Future To Look Like. Everybody that has achieved greatness started with a vision (Colonial Sanders, Henry Ford, Walt Disney, Oprah Winfrey. Ilyana Vanzant, Lisa Nichols, & Angel Richardson to name a few). You must put pen to paper and write down what you see in your mind. Write out everything from beginning to end and then come up with a plan. As you write out your vision, be as specific as possible. Write out the colors you see, the people you see, and the location. How do you feel with all of this going on? 2. Focus On Where You Are Going. What you focus on, becomes your reality. This is why you need to focus on where you are going, and not where you don’t want to go. Most importantly, you must always walk by faith and not by sight no matter what happens or what anybody says. BONUS: Step Out On Faith! 3. No Matter What Happens Don’t Give Up. Hard times will always come; no matter who you are, where you come from, or how much money you have. The most import thing you must remember is that giving up is never an option. You will never make it to the finish line if you keep giving up. I need you to start living your life as if you have already received the things you want. Now that doesn’t me to go crazy spending money you don’t have, but it does mean to start living the life you are working towards in your mind. Tell yourself you are the success you’ve been dreaming of, and the best is yet to come. Be the reason someone feels welcomed, seen, heard, loved, and supported! As you do that, go out there and be great, because great is calling you and great is calling me. Be blessed, have an amazing day on purpose, and we will talk again next week. Contact Me: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

Welcome back to another Elevator Talk With Michelle. For the time that is ours to share, I want to talk about: Down But Not Out. 2 Corinthians 4:7-11 (New King James Version)- Cast Down but Unconquered 7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. 8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 11 For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. When life knocks you down, you can either choose to bounce back fast or drown in your emotions and give up. If you struggle with coping with life’s blows, you’re not alone. We all encounter challenging times in their lives. I think we can all agree that you never know what life will throw at you. Life is one big rollercoaster ride of ups and downs, ins and outs. There will be times when you feel like you’re on top of the world, while other times, you may feel like you’re at rock bottom. Most of us will sway on both ends of the continuum at some point in our lives. Playing with the unknown makes the journey through life equally exciting and terrifying. When bad things happen, it’s natural to feel down. You may even fall into the trap of assuming that things will never get better. Unfortunately, this mindset is the very thing that keeps so many people stuck in the drowning victim mode. This wild ride that we call life is an endless string of highs and lows, successes and failures, setbacks, and comebacks. Therefore, it is so important that you develop your resilience muscle. 1. Hold Yourself Accountable. It’s easier to blame other people for your downfalls (very few times it really is someone else’s fault). Once you start to hold yourself accountable for the role you play(ed) in your downfall, then you can begin your healing process; always admit the part you played. 2. Change Your Focus. Stop looking at what is now behind you and what happened to you (other than to learn something new). Focus on what is still to come; you can’t fix what happened, but you can learn from it and alter your future a bit. When you accept this, everything will change. Always remember what you focus on, is what you will gravitate towards. By changing your focus, looking forward to getting back in the game, and focusing on the next steps in life; you will instantly see your breakthrough. So, when you start to feel knocked down ask yourself, what is your focus right now? Check to see if you are focusing on want you don’t want or what you want. Are you seeing the opportunities or only the obstacles? The answers to these questions will help you get clarity, create awareness, and elevate you to where you need to be. 3. Change How You Speak To Yourself. Take a minute or two and listen to your inner voice and decide if you need to change the dialogue. If you aren’t careful, you will be the one that’s dragging you down. Setbacks are going to come, but how you deal with them will make all the difference. You can choose to beat yourself up over your setback, or you can learn from it/them and grow. Just like where we choose to place our focus, the language we use is also something we have full control over if we take a moment to connect with the right power. Simply put, we are nothing but the stories we tell ourselves on a regular basis. What story are you telling yourself? Be the reason someone feels welcomed, seen, heard, loved, and supported! As you do that, go out there and be great, because great is calling you and great is calling me. Be blessed, have an amazing day on purpose, and we will talk again next week. Contact Me: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

Welcome back to another Elevator Talk With Michelle Podcast. For the time that is ours to share, I want to talk about: The Glass Of Water | An Inspirational Story. Once upon a time a psychology professor walked around on a stage while teaching stress management principles to an auditorium filled with students. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the typical “glass half empty or glass half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, the professor asked, “How heavy is this glass of water I’m holding?” Students shouted out answers ranging from eight ounces to a couple pounds. She replied, “From my perspective, the absolute weight of this glass doesn’t matter. It all depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute or two, it’s fairly light. If I hold it for an hour straight, it’s weight might make my arm ache a little. If I hold it for a day straight, my arm will likely cramp up and feel completely numb and paralyzed, forcing me to drop the glass to the floor. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it feels to me.” As the class shook their heads in agreement, she continued, “Your stresses and worries in life are very much like this glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and you begin to ache a little. Think about them all day long, and you will feel completely numb and paralyzed; incapable of doing anything else until you drop them.” The Moral: It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses and worries. No matter what happens during the day, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the night and into the next day with you. If you still feel the weight of yesterday’s stress, it’s a strong sign that it’s time to put the glass down. Take Away: The longer you hold on the heavier it gets. Go out there and be great, because great is calling you and great is calling me. Be blessed and have an amazing day on purpose. Contact Me: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

Here are some things you need to do to set realistic expectations: 1). Examine The Expectations Of Yourself. You should always strive for growth and improvement, but are your goals planned and executed in small, achievable steps or big unmanageable actions? Trying to get everything perfectly done all at once will keep you from taking consistent action toward your goal(s). Likewise, it will often leave you feeling depressed and disappointed in your abilities, which will only breed negative self-talk! Reasonable Expectation: Start walking 30 minutes a day to move toward your weight loss goals. Unreasonable Expectation: Stressing about losing weight all day, every day and being strict and rigid about what you eat and how often you exercise. How To Adjust: Begin by taking things one day at a time and not beating yourself up if you fall off the wagon. Also not beating yourself up because you messed up at one meal, here or there. Will the weight fall off all at once? No but it will come off eventually. Your unrealistic self-expectations will only prevent you from dealing with the actual situation and keep you feeling stuck and powerless. 2). Reconsider Your Expectations Of Others. If you go through life trying to decide what everybody in your life, should and shouldn’t be doing you will drive yourself crazy. When we hold expectations of others’ behavior to a higher standard and link it to our own happiness, it’s a huge recipe for disaster. Reasonable Expectation: You will attend Bible Study twice a week. Unreasonable Expectation: Everybody in your house should be attending Bible Study with you and attending church all day on Sunday. How to Adjust: Remember that just because you choose to attend Bible Study twice a week and attend Church all day on Sunday, not everybody needs to and/or wants to do it with you. Mind your business and stop worrying about what other people need to do or not do. Focus on letting them see the new you and your actions will encourage them to change how they live. 3). Release Your Expectations Of Events. Be mindful of putting your expectations into the outcome of events (such as elections). When you put all your hopes and dreams into the outcome of a specific event, you are setting yourself up for a huge disappointment. Anything that can go wrong, usually will go wrong. Reasonable Expectation: Going on a date expecting to have a good time, while eating great food and sitting in a relaxing atmosphere. Unreasonable Expectation: Going on a date because you are looking for marriage and fairytale wedding and happy ending. How to Adjust: Stay focused on just going out to have fun and not worrying about if you will marry this person or not. Contact Me: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

Self-esteem influences everything from your thoughts to your appearance to the way you conduct yourself. When you’re self-assured, you have a better chance of leading a productive and fulfilling life. When the opposite is true, battling your inner demons can drain all of your energy. Which then causes you to display a defeated vibe. People who lack self-esteem will often times display these 8 behaviors, without realizing it: 1). They talk down to themselves. 2). They seek external validation. 3). They have a hard time accepting compliments. 4). They stay in their comfort zone. 5). They put themselves second. 6). They apologize too much. 7). They procrastinate. 8). They self-isolate. Closing: Go out there and be great, because great is calling you and great is calling me. Be blessed and have an amazing day on purpose. Contact Me: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

'Twas the Night Before Christmas History: The poem, originally titled: "A Visit" or "A Visit From St. Nicholas", was first published anonymously on Dec. 23, 1823, in a Troy, New York newspaper called The Sentinel. It wasn't until 1837 that Clement Clarke Moore accepted credit for writing A Visit. He reportedly wanted to keep his authorship secret initially because he was a professor, and the piece wasn't considered a scholarly work at the time of its initial writing. Moore is said to have based his vision of Santa Claus on both St. Nicholas and a local Dutch handyman where he lived in New York. Legend has it that the handyman operated the sleigh that took Moore home. 'Twas the Night Before Christmas (A Visit) Full Poem: 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads. And Mama in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap. When out on the roof there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutter, and threw up the sash. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow gave the luster of midday to objects below, when, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came, and he whistled and shouted and called them by name: "Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen! To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!" As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky. So up to the house-top the coursers they flew, with the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof the prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot. A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. His eyes how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, and the beard on his chin was as white as the snow. The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a broad face and a little round belly, that shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly. He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself. A wink of his eye and a twist of his head soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk. And laying his finger aside of his nose, and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose. He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight, "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

There are two common detours that people tend to make before they create their New Year resolutions. First, they think about what they should do, instead of what they really want to do. Second, they think about what they should stop doing, instead of what they want to achieve. To be successful, you need to want it more than you want your next breath. Here are eight rules for creating successful New Year Resolutions. Rule 1: Commit to Your Resolution(s). Successful resolutions start with a strong commitment to make a change. To succeed, you must believe that you can accomplish what you set out to achieve. So, keep the following points in mind when you set them: Choose resolutions that you really want to achieve and make them positive. Don't leave your choice of resolution to the last minute. Take time to think about your goals. If you don't, you risk reacting to your current environment and missing the bigger picture. Questions to ask yourself to determine if you can take ownership of your resolution include: • Is this resolution my idea or someone else's? • Does this resolution motivate and invigorate me? • Does this resolution align with other factors in my life, such as my values and long-term plans? Tip: Visualization is a powerful technique for helping you commit to your goals or resolutions. Try picturing yourself having attained your goal. How do you feel? How do you look? How do others react to you? Rule 2: Be Realistic. The key to achieving goals is motivation; but you risk failing if you set the bar too high. Consider carefully before setting the same resolution you set last year. If it didn't work then, you need to make sure that there is a good reason to believe that you can achieve it this year. What has changed? Rule 3: Write It Down. Put your resolution(s) in writing. It's a simple but powerful technique for making your goal real. There is something inside us that responds with more commitment and drive when we take the time to do this. Rule 4: Make a Plan. Start by envisioning where you want to be. Then work back along your path to where you are today. Write down all of the milestones you'll need to achieve in between. Decide what you'll do to accomplish each of these milestones. You need to know each step and have a plan for what comes next. Rule 5: Be Flexible. Not everything will work out precisely the way that you planned. So, remain flexible and adaptable by following these steps: • Try to predict some of the challenges that you'll face. Make a contingency plan for the ones that have the highest probability of failure, and mentally prepare yourself for the others. • Realize that your resolution itself might change along the way; that's not failure, it's reality. Tip: There is no fixed rule saying that a resolution must be set in January. If your circumstances say it’s better to wait until March, then by all means do so. Rule 6: Use Reminders. It can be hard to keep focused on your plan if you have other commitments, responsibilities, and obligations. Develop a formal reminder system to stay on top of your resolution(s). Do this by taking the following into consideration: • Have your written resolutions visible. • Set up reminders for the things you need to accomplish to achieve your goals on your desktop calendar. Rule 7: Track Your Progress. You need to know when each milestone is accomplished. Your excitement around the little successes will keep you motivated and keep you pushing forwards. • Use a journal to track your progress. • Note when you felt pleased with your efforts. • Note when you felt down or felt like quitting. • Look back at your entries on a regular basis and learn from your experiences. Rule 8: Reward Yourself. Even the most committed person needs a boost. When you are developing your plan, make a note of some milestones where you will reward yourself once they are achieved.

Here is a list of things that you should give up in the New Year. Doing so, can and probably will reduce your stress levels, help you get out of your rut, and dramatically improve your quality of life. 1). Any Form Of Negative Self Talk. Negative self-talk is very harmful and can lead to anxiety and depression. 2). Ignoring your Well-being. Don’t take your mental health for granted, take time to take care of yourself. 3). Dealing With Toxic People. Don’t invest your time in people who don’t support you or are just negative about everything. Instead build a supportive group to network with. 4). Not Exercising. Exercising is not only good for your physical health but also for your mental health. 5). Unhealthy Eating. Eating unhealthy or emotionally is not good for your overall health. Don’t indulge in emotional eating, know your body, and feed it wholesome, nutrient-dense food. 6). Not Getting Enough Rest. Not getting enough sleep can also lead to unhealthy mental health. 7). Being A People Pleaser. Don’t neglect your health just to please everyone and unbalance your mental stability and well-being. 8). Fear of Failure. The more you fear your failure, the less you grow. As Elbert Hubbard said: “To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” 9). Constant Complaining. Constant complaining won’t lead to anything good. 10). Going After the Easy Life Fix. Instead of looking for quick and easy solutions to your problems, find concrete solutions to make them permanent and lead a healthy life. 11). Self-Limiting Believes. Believing that there is never enough of anything, be it a job, money, love, etc., will only lead to poor well-being. 12). Old Regrets. Be grateful for the lessons you learned from your mistakes, but don’t feel guilty about your past regrets. Let them go and embrace your present.

Here are 10 ways to reduce holiday stress before it comes, so you can spend your time on what really matters to you: 1). Clearly picture the Christmas you want to have. Set expectations for yourself and others by painting a picture of what you want your Christmas to look like. Be crystal clear. Here are some things to think about before the holidays start: • Who’s sitting at the table at mealtime? • What are you eating for dinner? • What are you going to have or not have? • Which Christmas movies are you watching? • What gifts are you giving, or not giving this year? 2). Set boundaries. Over the holidays, it might seem like your mom, father-in-law or second cousin call the shots. That couldn’t be more wrong; you choose them. You get to decide where you go, how long you stay there, who you invite into your home, and how much money you’ll spend. It’s important to set those boundaries before you kick off the Christmas festivities. Before you commit to anything, decide what your limits are for: •Traveling: Will you drive or fly? How long will you visit? •Hosting guests: How long will they stay, and can they bring their pet? •Spending: How much money are you budgeting for presents this year? How many gifts should each person on your list get? •Food: What is the menu for the day? •Conflict: How will you handle a disagreement if one breaks out? By the way, don’t drive or fly thousands of miles to a place that’s inhospitable or threatening. You can always say no than you, to their invitation. However, once you commit to seeing your family and or friends, do it with a good attitude. 3). Avoid family conflict. Even the best families can drive you crazy. So, this year, before you even pack your bags, think about conflicts that might pop up. If your dad has a pattern of talking bad about a particular group of people, don’t be surprised when he starts one of his rants. You can’t change him, but you can decide how you respond. •You can ask someone to stop. It’s possible to be direct and still be kind. •You can always get up and leave. Sometimes walking away, is the best thing you can do. •Create a plan of action. Decide ahead of time how you’ll respond if tensions start to build. •Communicate your plan ahead of time. Make it clear that you don’t want to talk about politics or anything negative. 4). Focus on what you can control. There are only two things you can control, and they are your thoughts and your actions. You can’t control what your parents say around the dinner table. You can’t control your kids’ attitudes. 5. Know your role in the situation. If you’re going to your significant others house for Christmas and you have to sleep on the uncomfortable couch and eat her family’s food that’s much different than what you normally eat, remember the world doesn’t revolve around you and it’s not your house. Your role is to support your partner, so embrace it. You chose to go, so decide to make hilarious memories instead of whining about the accommodations. 6). Understand it’s ok to say no. No matter who you are, it’s crazy absurd to try to attend a million white elephant parties, ornament exchanges and cookie-decorating parties. 7). Take a social media break. There’s an overwhelming amount of data, nonsense, and news in our country right now. Not only is it all over our TVs, but it also floods our social media feeds. Those perfectly curated Instagram and Pinterest Christmas feeds will only lead to us comparing and keeping up with the Joneses. 8). Make a Christmas budget. A budget creates boundaries for your wallet. Budgeting helps to reduce stress because it gives you a plan for your money. 9. Get plenty of sleep and movement. Anxiety affects at least 40 million people in the U.S., and one of the most powerful tools you have to reduce anxiety is sleep. 10. Take some quiet time for yourself. Keep your sanity by scheduling some quiet time to do things you enjoy.

Holiday shopping means that you are probably using your credit and debit cards more than normal. With the recent increase of incidents involving credit card fraud, it is important to do your part to minimize the risk of becoming the next target. Here are five safety tips that can help keep your credit card and debit card information safe this holiday season–and all year long: 1). Shop on legitimate websites. Shopping online is easy and convenient, but make sure you are visiting the actual websites for reputable, legitimate businesses for your purchases. Scammers are good at creating legitimate-looking ads and emails designed to draw you into elaborate phishing schemes to make off with your credit or debit card information. Rather than clicking on links in emails or ads on webpages, the safest bet is to type the web address of the store you want directly into your browser; or use a search engine if you are not positive on the store’s web address. 2). Make sure online shopping is secure. Before you enter your credit/debit card information into a site’s checkout process, look for “https://” in the website address bar. If the “s” is not there, your information may not be encrypted when transmitted. So, even if the site itself is legitimate, your card information may be vulnerable. 3). Use online banking tools. Use your financial institution’s website to keep an eye on your balance and recent transactions and notify them right away if you notice any unauthorized activity. 4). Think twice about where you click “checkout”. Shopping online is easy, but if you are at a coffee shop, hotel, or anywhere else on an unsecured WiFi connection, consider waiting to enter your credit/debit card information until you are back on a secure network again. 5). Be careful in stores. If you are going to do shopping at the mall or at other retail stores, use some common-sense tips to keep your information secure, including keeping your card in a wallet or purse (not in your pocket where it could easily fall out), only carrying the card(s) you need for that shopping trip, and covering the card number with your hand when you give the card to the cashier to swipe so the number is not visible to others standing in line. By taking these steps to safeguard your information, you can be more confident when shopping online, or in stores, for holiday purchases.

A survey conducted by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) found that 64% of individuals living with a mental illness, reported worsened conditions around the holidays. Be it due to separation from loved ones, personal grief, the pressures of gift-giving, economic hardship, challenging interactions with family members, or shorter days. However, there are ways to help address the stress or condition and improve your mental health. Here are some strategies for supporting your mental health: 1). Pay Attention To Your Feelings. Remember that it’s okay to feel unhappy during the holidays. Recognizing your feelings is the first step to addressing and nurturing them. 2). Develop A Plan For When You Are Feeling Stressed, Sad, Or Lonely. This plan may include calling a friend or family member, going for a walk, engaging in an activity that brings you joy, or watching your favorite movie. Having a plan, ahead of time can help ensure the difficult moments are more manageable. 3). Practice Self-Care. It’s important to schedule time for yourself and activities that recharge your mind and body. This may include reading a good book, working out, spending time in nature, and practicing stress management skills, such as deep breathing, meditation, and Yoga. It is also important to remember to prioritize necessities, including eating a well-balanced diet, getting plenty of sleep, and finding time for exercise. 4). Connect With Community. If you can’t be near loved ones during the holidays, finding a supportive community through clubs, support groups, community centers, local meetups, and faith communities can help reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation. Consider scheduling a regular phone call with family and friends as well. 5). Support Others. During this time of year, feelings of grief and loss can amplify. Check on loved ones who may be alone or struggling during the holiday season. Helping a friend or neighbor not only gives joy to others, but it can improve your own happiness and well-being. 6). Recognize Seasonal Mood Changes. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a condition in which people experience symptoms of depression, that are triggered by the change in seasons. Treatment is effective and may include light therapy, antidepressant medication, and/or talk therapy. 7). Avoid Alcohol And Drugs. For people in recovery, the holiday season presents challenges that can trigger the use of alcohol and drugs. Having a plan for navigating social events and feelings of loneliness, can reduce the risk of substance use. 8). Know When To Seek Help. If you feel that your mental health struggles are becoming overwhelming and difficult to handle, it’s important to seek help and know that treatment is available. 1). SAMHSA’s National Helpline 1-800-662-HELP (4357)- A confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations. 2). FindSupport.Gov- An online guide that helps people navigate through common questions when they are at the start of their journey to better behavioral health. 3). FindTreatment.Gov- A confidential and anonymous source of information for persons seeking treatment facilities in the United States or U.S. Territories for substance use/addiction and/or mental health problems. 4). 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline- If you or someone you know needs support now, you can contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Simply call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. 5). Veterans Crisis Line- Reach caring, qualified responders with the Department of Veterans Affairs. Many of them are Veterans themselves. Dial 988 then press 1. I have my Certification as an Adult Mental Health First Aid responder. Please know you can reach out to me (coachingwithmichellea@gmail.com).

The FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) has been receiving record numbers of complaints each year about fraud schemes targeting consumers. The center says in 2021, Americans lost $173 million to credit card fraud and more than $337 million to non-payment and non-delivery scams. These scams work, because we don’t know what we don’t know. Here are the top holiday scams and tips for preventing them: 1). The Gift Card Peek Scam. Scammers will take gift cards off the rack, scratch off the silver coating that protects the PIN code, record the code, then carefully apply a new coating in a way that leaves buyers none the wiser. The perpetrator waits a day or two for the card to be purchased and activated, and the card number and PIN are ready for the scammer to use. Solution: Carefully examine any gift cards you purchase. Better yet, send e-gift cards directly to recipients from a reputable site. 2). Mail Theft. Sending cash through the mail is still popular. But handwritten addresses and colorful envelopes make it easy for thieves to distinguish personal cards from the sea of junk mail and bills. They’ll steam a card open to look for cash, reseal the envelope and put it back in your mailbox. Solution: Don’t send cash. Order a cool gift online or send an e-gift card. 3). Package Theft. Bold porch pirates continue to pilfer holiday packages despite the increase in video doorbells. Even when a retailer has sent photo evidence your gift was delivered, it could still go missing before the intended recipient retrieves it. Solution: Consider a package drop box secured with a key you control. You can also keep an eye on your video doorbell notifications for deliveries and have a neighbor swing by if you’re not home. 4). Counterfeit Goods Scams. An estimated 57% of shoppers will make their purchases online this holiday season, according to research from the accounting giant PwC. You can be sure scammers will be ready, advertising hot deals on well-known brands via social media. Their websites will look genuine and may even feature the brand’s name in the URL for legitimacy. You or your recipient will probably even receive the goods, but they’ll clearly be cheap knockoffs. Solution: Buy from reputable sites you trust. If you’re suspicious, do a Google search of the site’s name plus the word “scam” to see what comes up. 5). The ‘Grandchild in Trouble’ Scam. Scammers rely on manipulative social engineering to trick seniors into sending money. They’ll call and pretend to be a grandchild who’s taking a holiday season vacation in Mexico and has been arrested. They want you to post bail and not involve their parents. Solution: Call the child’s parents to check in. Chances are that the kid in question is safe at home. 6). Vacation Rental Scams. As traveling is on the increase following years of pandemic-related slowdowns, scammers continue to post beautiful rental properties that don’t exist. They will try to get you off the app to communicate with them and submit payment, reducing traceability. Solution: Use trusted apps to book rentals and keep all interactions within the platform. 7). Business Email Compromise (BEC) Scams. Impersonating a company’s executives via email and text message has become quite a boon for fraudsters, resulting in nearly $2.4 billion in losses last year. They rely on urgency and authority to convince you to pay an invoice for the employee holiday party or submit a wire transfer without making sure to ask is legitimate. Solution: Check in with your “colleague” using a separate channel (phone, Slack, etc.) from the email you received. 8). Charitable Giving Scams. Fraudsters know people are more likely to give to those in need during the holidays. They will use phishing emails and phone-based scams to fleece you. Solution: Go straight to an organization’s website to make a donation. Don’t use the link in an email. Contact Me: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle