SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen explains what it means for a child with a neurobehavioral condition to live with a narrow window of tolerance as a result of their unique neurobiology, specifically their fragile nervous system. She walks listeners through how the brain and nervous system help each of us manage life stressors, and why this is often difficult for individuals with brain-based differences.

TAKEAWAYS:

• The "window of tolerance" is a concept developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, to describe the optimal zone of “arousal” for a person to function in everyday life. 
• Each person's behaviors reflect whether or not they are inside their window of tolerance.
• Kids and teens living with a neurobehavioral condition means they may struggle with emotional regulation skills, meaning their window of tolerance for life's most minor stressors is challenged.
• When an individual struggles with these cognitive skills and lives with a fragile nervous system, as a result of their brain-based differences, they require accommodations that support these lagging skills and their nervous system.
• Cognitive fatigue is another important layer to understanding a child's window of tolerance and why it might be especially narrow.

RESOURCES:

Brain First Parenting Podcast: Ep. 21 | Why Your Child Melts Down: The Hidden Impact of Cognitive Fatigue

Blog: Understanding the Window of Tolerance - Part 1

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen speaks with Dr. Emily King, a psychologist with extensive experience working in schools and supporting neurodivergent youth about how parents can support their neurodivergent learners.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Neuro-affirming environments are environments that are aligned with each person's nervous system. There are some key ways that adults/teachers can set up environments to support regulation in kids/students and "level the playing field" amongst students.
• Communication with teachers should happen early and often.
• Collaboration is most effective when the parent and teacher share what they are seeing behaviorally from the child in each of their unique settings and brainstorm accommodations based on this shared knowledge.
• Recognizing cognitive fatigue as a major factor in the child's behavior is essential to their success.
• Any asynchronicity in a child's skills is often misinterpreted as willful behavior instead of differences across skill sets.

RESOURCES:

Learn with Dr. Emily

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SUMMARY - As parents, we all have high priorities as they relate to our kids and these high priorities are directly tied to our concern and care for them, wanting them to do well and develop into independent, responsible adults. This episode helps listeners think about their own priorities they hold, as they relate to their kids, and what needs to be considered when your child lives with a neurobehavioral condition.

TAKEAWAYS:

• All parents have priorities related to their kids and these priorities are tied to the parent's deeply held beliefs and values.
• Having a high priorities as a parent are a reflection of the concern and care for their child.
• One's brain (cognitive skills) are required when working to meet the expectations or complete the task that are inherent in those high priorities held by parents.
• This is why parents of kids with brain-based differences need to routinely evaluate whether or not their high priorities are in alignment with their child's neurobiology (brain and nervous system).

RESOURCES:

Brain First Parenting Podcast Episode 21- Why Your Child Melts Down: The Hidden Impact of Cognitive Fatigue

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SUMMARY - This episode is with guest Wendy Sue Horn, a master clinician, who has been treating individuals of all ages for over 20 years, including supporting parents. Wendy Sue is also an EMDRIA-approved consultant trainer in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), a trauma-informed psychotherapy that helps individuals heal from the symptoms and emotional distress of disturbing life experiences. Listen in as Eileen talks with Wendy Sue about what she describes as the three essential ingredients parents need in order to attune to their child.

TAKEAWAYS:

• We don't come into parenthood as blank slates and our history follows us into our own parenting and relationship with our kids. Once we understand how and why this happens, it helps us (parents) make sense of our experience with a non-shaming lens.
• Attunement is the parent's ability to "tune in" to their child's internal, emotional experience.
• The parental goal is not to prevent pain for their child because this is not possible, but instead is to provide accompaniment in their pain because this is when it is less lonely, there is less suffering, and the child's resilience can shine through.
• There are three ingredients required for parents to attune to their child: motivation, awareness, and resources.
• The parent's ability to recognizing when fear is the motivation behind their behavior is essential because fear, by nature, moves the attention away from their child's experience, leaving them unable to attune to them.
• A parent's history of attachment and adverse experiences "show up" in the relationship with their child, which can impact the internal resources a parent has access to and may require supports to build the internal resources and resilience.
• Ways that EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can support parents who have kids with challenging behavioral symptoms.

RESOURCES:

• Wendy Sue Horn - EMDR Resource Center

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SUMMARY - It is common for kids with neurobehavioral conditions to struggle with slow processing pace. Slow processing pace is a cognitive skill that is often missed or misunderstood, seen as a behavioral issue, and therefore not accommodated. This episode helps listeners better understand and identify slow processing pace as a lagging cognitive skill, and from there, provides concrete examples of accommodations.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Slow processing pace is a cognitive skill set that everyone needs to have firmly in place to navigate their day successfully.
• Processing pace is the speed at which someone can process information, especially verbal information.
• There are behaviors that reflect slower processing pace which parents, caregivers and adults need to be aware of in order to be able to then accommodate this lagging cognitive skill vs punish the behavioral symptom.
• Accommodations take into consideration the additional time that kids with neurobehavioral conditions require to navigate their day successfully.

RESOURCES:

Recording of Free Workshop: 10-Second Child in a One-Second World: Slow Processing Pace and How to Support It

Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 15: Why "Simple" Conversations Are Hard For Your Child

Blog Post: 'The 10-Second Child in a One-Second World' - Slower Processing Pace and 4 Ways to Support It

=======================

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SUMMARY - This episode focuses in on five mantras that will help parents of kids with brain-based differences and challenging behaviors stay in a Brain First mindset.

TAKEAWAYS:

• One point of "growing pains" parents of kids with neurobehavioral challenges experience is how to react in productive ways, from a Brain First lens, when they are faced with their child's challenging behaviors.
• When we have mantras "in our back pocket" that resonate with us in a way that helps slow down our visceral reaction so we can decide how to respond in that moment, it helps us access our thinking brain so we can respond in ways we truly desire.
• The infographic linked below as 15 mantras for parents to "try on" to see which one resonates! Download at the link below.

RESOURCES:

Free Infographic: Helpful Mantras For Staying in a Brain First Parenting Mindset

=======================

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SUMMARY - There is a universal grief that affects parents of neurodivergent kids that often goes unrecognized, leaving parents feeling alone in a difficult emotional experience. This episode takes listeners through what this unique grief looks like and why it's so unique to parents of neurodivergent kids and how to begin to move through it so healing can begin.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Grief, while such a common experience for parents of neurodivergent kids, is often unacknowledged, which leads to additional suffering for parents. This is why it's so important to talk about it.
• Grief is defined by Dr. Brene Brown in three ways: loss, longing, and feeling lost
• Grief can show up for parents in many ways, like feelings of resentment, guilt, self-judgement or jealousy
• It is an understandable that for many parents, they try to keep grief at arms length because of the darkness it can bring.
• Disenfranchised grief is grief that is unrecognized and unacknowledged by society and is the type of grief many parents experience making it even more difficult to heal
• There are steps parents can take so that they do not get stuck in their feelings of grief, but instead can move through it and begin to heal

RESOURCES:

Blog post: Grappling with Grief

The Resilience Room Membership Community

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SUMMARY - Kids who have brains that work differently, have brains that are working hard all day long, resulting in cognitive fatigue or this empty fuel tank. Their cognitive fatigue is reflected through challenging behaviors. This episode helps listeners identify cognitive fatigue in kids with brain-based differences and what the adults supporting them can do to help their brain rest and recover, resulting in less challenging behaviors.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Every task or expectation we are faced with each day takes a bit of our "cognitive fuel" in order to make it through the day successfully.
• Individuals with brains that work differently end up on "empty" more quickly and more often, resulting in challenging behavioral symptoms.
• Brains that are working harder (which are brains that work differently) need more support throughout the day in the way of fuel (food/calories) and rest.
• There are some common scenarios that result in cognitive fatigue more frequently than others.
• There are some common accommodations that, when put in place proactively, can help preserve a child's "cognitive fuel" and prevent challenging behaviors.

RESOURCES:

FREE "Running on Empty" Infographic (for download)

Blog post: Running on Empty: Understanding your child's cognitive fuel tank

The Resilience Room Community

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SUMMARY - This podcast helps parents think through the personal and sometimes difficult question of when they should share their child's diagnosis with others.

TAKEAWAYS:

• There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to making decisions about when to disclose to others about your child's diagnosis or brain-based difference
• While it is important to consider what the impact will be if you do decide to disclose, it is even more important to consider the possible negative impact of not disclosing.
• When people who hold the power in various environments are missing information about your child's brain-based differences and their need for accommodations, your child is at high risk for being misunderstood and punished for their disability.
• Disclosure (when and why) also applies to family members (siblings, extended family, etc.).
• Disclosure is also important to consider in relation to your child understanding themselves. If they don't have information about their brain-based differences, they are left to jump to their own conclusions which are often negative in nature, impacting self-esteem and mental health.

RESOURCES:

Blog Post - Disclosure: A Path to Understanding

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SUMMARY - This podcast dives into what resilience is and why it's essential for parents of kids with challenging behavioral symptoms to not only understand what it is, but steps they can take to build it each day.

TAKEAWAYS:

• It is imperative as parents of complex kids with intense needs that you understand what it is and how to build it each day.
• Resilience is what allows us to move through difficult emotions like grief, sadness, and resentment.
• Resilience is something we all have access to, something we can cultivate within us each day.
• "Grit" or "soldiering on" chips away at resilience over time
• Honoring your response to the situation at hand and offering yourself self-compassion builds resilience
• Getting support, one-to-one or through community is essential for building resilience, especially when experiencing compassion fatigue and caregiver burnout.
• Ways to build resilience: find your "people" (be in community), practice self-compassion, move your body, breath work

RESOURCES:

• The Resilience Room Membership Community
• FREE (downloadable) Weekly Plan for Nervous System Care
• Reconsidering What It Means to Be Resilient (blog post)
• Kristin Neff: Self-compassion resources

=======================

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen addresses 5 common misconceptions parents and providers have about what it means to parent and support kids from a Brain First lens.

TAKEAWAYS:

Here are the 5 misconceptions that Eileen addresses in this episode. With each misconception, she breaks down why it is a misconception and helps listeners deepen their understanding even further about what it means to parent from a Brain First lens.

• Misconception 1: "Parenting from a Brain First lens means I am allowing or giving in to behavior that is definitely not okay."

• Misconception 2: "If I parent my child through a Brain First lens, they will never learn how to live in the 'real' world."

• Misconception 3: "If I parent from child from a Brain First lens, then I am saying I no longer have expectations for them or their behavior."

• Misconception 4: "If I do not show my child that I am in charge by addressing behavior immediately, I will lose my parental authority and my child will believe they can walk over me and do whatever they want."

• Misconception 5: "Parenting from a Brain First lens sounds like a lot of work and I am already exhausted. I can not add another thing to my plate."

RESOURCES:

Blog: Moving Forward by Circling Back

Brain First Parenting Podcast Episode 9: Let Go of the Fear That You Are Over-Accommodating

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen dives into how to unlock your child's ability to learn and grow. This is a high priority for any parent, and when there is evidence that it's going as expected, there is no stress or concern. But when you have a child or teen who is not learning, growing, and maturing in the ways you expected, it can become a huge area of concern and strain. This episode breaks down how all of us learn and grow and how to then take this information and apply it to your child who lives with a brain-based difference.

TAKEAWAYS:

• The first essential question for parents to clarify for themselves is, "What do I actually want my child to learn, and what skills are required to be able to do this?"
• When we recognize the gap between a child or teen's cognitive skills and the goals set for them, then we know where we can support that child or teen to help close that gap.
• When we default to a behavioral lens and focus entirely on the behavior and what punishment it deserves, the growth, learning, and maturing cannot take place.
• A lack of accommodations to assist with the growth and learning process will signal "threat" to the nervous system, resulting in overwhelm, and this will be reflected through challenging behaviors. It will also cause the "thinking brain" to be off-line, making learning impossible.
• There are accommodations that promote growth and learning, with examples provided in this episode.

RESOURCES:

Ep 9: Let Go of the Fear That You Are Over-Accommodating

Ep 5: Making Sense of On and Off Days

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen explores a very specific defensive behavioral symptom that can be highly triggering for parents and providers alike: inappropriate or excessive laughter and silliness. Listen in as she helps reframe this behavior, moving from a behavioral lens to a Brain First lens.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Excessive laughter or inappropriate laughter is a reflection of a fragile nervous system and a sign that the brain is under stress.
• In moments of stress or high emotion, kids with brain-based differences are thrown out of their window of tolerance and are unable to manage the moment at hand.
• Lagging cognitive skills add to the level of stress the brain is under, resulting in this defensive behavior. Cognitive skills like emotional regulation, sensory integration, and social skills are a few main skill sets required to respond appropriately, and are also skills that many kids with brain-based differences lag behind in.
• This challenging behavior is a reflection of the nervous system and brain trying to find relief and attempting to find balance again.
• A few ideas on what parents and providers can do in these moments when they are seeing this challenging behavior from the child or teen they are experiencing.

RESOURCES:

Think Brain First Training and Consultation Program for Professionals and Organizations

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SUMMARY - It is a common frustration among parents of kids with neurobehavioral differences that they feel like they cannot have even simple conversations with their children. Why is this such a common frustration and struggle? You guessed it-- it has to do with the brain, and how that brain works differently for that child or teen. In this episode, Eileen breaks down this common challenge, discusses the cognitive skills involved in having a seemingly simple conversation with another person, and how parents and other support people in a child's life can provide them with accommodations to help them be more successful in this area.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Having a back-and-forth, seemingly simple conversation involves a set a complex cognitive skills with which many kids and teens with neurobehavioral differences struggle.
• Once we peel back the layers of what's involved, from a brain perspective, to have a conversation with another person and can see clearly the complexities involved, what was previously frustrating regarding a child's behaviors now makes more sense.
• Once the behaviors make more sense, because lagging cognitive skills have been identified, then the parent or support person has a clear path toward providing effective accommodations.
• The list of cognitive skills involved is lengthy and examples are provided in this episode.
• The list of accommodations is also lengthy! Examples of accommodations are also provided in this episode.

RESOURCES:

Blog Post: The 6 Ways Your Child Might 'Talk the Talk,' but Can’t 'Walk the Walk'

Blog Post: Understanding the Window of Tolerance - Pt. 1

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SUMMARY - In this episode of the Brain First Parenting podcast, Eileen sits down with a very special guest, her husband of 20+ years, Dave Devine. Eileen & Dave have a conversation about what it's been like for Dave, in his role as a father to his now teenage daughter who lives with FASD, a serious neurobehavioral condition, to shift his lens over the years to a Brain First lens.

TAKEAWAYS:

• The experience of dads are often overlooked in the parenting spaces, leaving a gap in support which can lead to feelings of isolation and hopelessness for these fathers. Their experience is unique and deserves unique support.
• Dave shares memories of feeling inadequate and ineffective as a dad, especially early on when he began to realize his daughter's development was not "on track".
• Stepping away from a behavioral lens and shifting to a Brain First lens was possible with education and support, over time.
• The question, "What do you need from me, to be a good parent to you?" as been helpful for Dave as he works to parent two kids who have drastically different needs.
• Curiosity and openness is at the heart of finding success, joy, and delight in this parenting experience, specifically the father experience. It takes practice to cultivate this as the dad of a child with a serious neurobehavioral condition.
• The steepest part of the learning curve for Dave has been to remember that his daughter has an invisible, brain-based difference, especially when her behavioral symptoms are acute.
• Deeply-held beliefs and values will clash with your kid's behavioral symptoms. Getting clarity on where and why this is happening is important in order to parent from a Brain First lens.
• We discuss why connection and relationship has become the highest priority for Dave (in relation to his kids) vs behavioral compliance

RESOURCES:

Join the waitlist for the Focus on Father Program! 2025 cohort is opening for registration soon!

Blog Post: Dads Need Support, Too: Three Ways That Fathers Raising Neurodiverse Kids Struggle, and One Thing They Can Do

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SUMMARY - In this newest episode, Eileen highlights a trap that is common for parents, teachers, and providers to fall into when supporting with kids and teens who have brain-based differences and challenging behaviors. This trap is making assumptions, often without even realizing it, about what that child or teen's brain can do and not factoring in their lagging cognitive skills and how this impacts that specific situation. In this episode, Eileen gives 8 examples of common assumptions made about kids with brain-based differences and provides a free downloadable infographic to accompany this episode. See details on how to access that infographic below.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Learning about the brain, what it does, and how it functions helps us gain a better understanding of what this means for individuals with brains that work differently.
• Learning about this also makes us (parents, teachers and providers) less susceptible to making assumptions about others' brains and how they work.
• The goal, when supporting kids with brain-based differences, is to recognize when we are making assumptions about their brain and cognitive skills so we can pause and assess as to whether or not this is true for that individual.
• Examples of common assumptions society makes about brains and how this compares to what we know about those living with neurobehavioral differences.

RESOURCES:

FREE downloadable handout: 10 Assumptions We Make About How All Brains Function

Understanding the Window of Tolerance (blog post)

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SUMMARY - When you have a child who often behaves in ways that are not good, right, or appropriate, you want to address the problematic behavior as their parent. This can be challenging to do with a child who lives with a neurobehavioral difference and must be approached in a way that has their brain in mind. In this episode, Eileen talks about why this process can be more challenging for kids with neurobehavioral differences, and how parents can take a different approach to address problematic behaviors.

TAKEAWAYS:

• It is within the role and responsibility of a parent to address problematic behavior with their child, even when these behaviors are symptoms of a brain-based difference.
• How addressing problematic behaviors looks different when your child or teen has a neurobehavioral difference.
• Traditional parenting lens approach to addressing challenging behaviors vs a Brain First approach
• How to address problematic behaviors from a Brain First lens
• What cognitive skills are involved in having a conversation about a specific event or situation that included the problematic behavior
• What it looks like to shift the focus from punishments to building lagging skills and why this is a better use of your energy

RELATED BLOG POSTS:

Moving Forward by Circling Back

=======================

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SUMMARY -

In this episode, Eileen speaks to the experience of parenting a child who is often times seen as the kid who "ruins everything". She breaks down what is actually happening when a child's behavior appears to be intentional and willful, how to shift to seeing them through a Brain First Parenting lens, and steps parents can take to proactively prevent the same outcome in the future.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Having a child who is seen as "ruining everything" is unfortunately a common experience for parents of kids with brain-based differences and challenging behavioral symptoms.
• In these hard moments, the task for parents is to shift from a behavioral lens to a Brain First lens. Eileen provides some ideas on how to do this.
• What parents can focus and reflect on after the difficult experience has passed, to deepen their understanding of their child and proactively build in more accommodations for future events to prevent the same negative outcome.
• What a child begins to believe about themselves when they are seen as "ruining everything" and how parents can buffer against these negative outcomes.

Related Blog Posts:

"You Ruin Everything."

Looking for individualized parent support? Eileen offers parent coaching to parents across the globe. You can learn more about her one-to-one support services HERE.

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SUMMARY - When you are the parent of a child or teen with brain-based differences and challenging behavioral symptoms, it is a common experience to not have your experience, as the parent, acknowledged or supported. This is the other side of the "coin" when parenting from a Brain First lens, and deserves (and requires) as much attention and support as the other side of the "coin", which is the child and their needs. In this episode, Eileen reflects on her own experience, as well as those of parents she has worked with, highlighting the importance of attending to your well-being as a parent of a complex child with intense needs.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Understanding both sides of the Brain First Parenting "coin" is essential to being able to thrive in the experience of parenting a child with brain-based differences and challenging behavioral symptoms.
• The first side is understanding your child's unique neurobiology and parenting them in alignment with how their brain and nervous system works. The other side, which is largely ignored or unacknowledged, is the lived experience of the parent.
• Why it is essential to acknowledge the unique (and often hard) aspects of parenting a child or teen with intense needs, and why this is where healing can take place.

If you feel like you would benefit from one-to-one, individualized support, you can checkout the parent coaching support Eileen offers parents just like you.

RELATED BLOG POSTS:

Tending Both Sides of the Parenting Coin

Reconsidering What It Means to Be Resilient

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen walks through a common fear that many parents hold, which is that if they fully accommodate their child or teen, that they will prevent their child from growing, developing and maturing.

TAKEAWAYS

• Why, exactly, we provide accommodations to kids, teens, and young adults who have brain-based differences
• Why accommodations are the path towards less challenging behavioral symptoms
• It is a normal part of learning to parent from a Brain First lens to have a concern that you (the parent) are over-accommodating your child or teen
• We all need adequate support in our various environments to be able to keep our thinking brain on-line, stay in our window of tolerance and grow in our skills
• When kids live with brain-based differences and a fragile nervous system, they need even greater accommodations to experience felt-safety and navigate their world successfully, due to their unique neurobiology
• Accommodations do not stunt growth, they are the very thing that promotes growth and helps our kids mature

RELATED BLOG POSTS:

6 Key Questions that Lead to Effective Accommodations

Understanding the Window of Tolerance - Pt. 1

The Brain First approach will change how you parent

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