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The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Elliot, Fifi, Lottie
31 episodes
1 week ago
Monogamy is a contract: friendship, intimacy and sex. When one stops, that contract gets broken. So what makes it acceptable to opt out of intimacy with your partner? In this raw and honest conversation, Elliot and Lottie Passell-Syms explore the grief, loss and identity crisis that follows when sex disappears from a relationship, and ask the difficult question: should you give him sex? This episode delves into the complexities of desire, power dynamics and the real reasons couples stop conne...
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Self-Improvement
Education
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All content for The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We! is the property of Elliot, Fifi, Lottie and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.
Monogamy is a contract: friendship, intimacy and sex. When one stops, that contract gets broken. So what makes it acceptable to opt out of intimacy with your partner? In this raw and honest conversation, Elliot and Lottie Passell-Syms explore the grief, loss and identity crisis that follows when sex disappears from a relationship, and ask the difficult question: should you give him sex? This episode delves into the complexities of desire, power dynamics and the real reasons couples stop conne...
Show more...
Self-Improvement
Education
Episodes (20/31)
The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Why Withholding Sex Destroys Relationships | The Paradox of Change Ep. 32
Monogamy is a contract: friendship, intimacy and sex. When one stops, that contract gets broken. So what makes it acceptable to opt out of intimacy with your partner? In this raw and honest conversation, Elliot and Lottie Passell-Syms explore the grief, loss and identity crisis that follows when sex disappears from a relationship, and ask the difficult question: should you give him sex? This episode delves into the complexities of desire, power dynamics and the real reasons couples stop conne...
Show more...
1 week ago
27 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Is This Your Discomfort or Mine? Navigating Disability Conversations POC-31
We have an honest talk with with Poppy Tiltman, who's here to share her perspective on disability without the usual sugar-coating. In this candid episode, Poppy makes one thing clear from the start: she doesn't want to be your inspiration, and she's not here to make you feel good about yourself - thats your job! Living with cerebral palsy and autism, Poppy cuts through the typical feel-good narratives that surround disability discussions. Instead, she offers her genuine experience - what it'...
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1 month ago
39 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
The One Thing That Predicts Relationship Success
The secret to lasting love isn't about finding the perfect partner or mastering communication techniques. There's one fundamental question that predicts whether your relationship will thrive or fail: "Can I be me with you?" If you are searching for relationship repair or relationship advice, this might be the show for you. In this deep-dive conversation, Elliot and Lottie explore the core elements that determine relationship success, from emotional safety and vulnerability to the crucial rol...
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1 month ago
42 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Military Anxiety: From Crippling Dread to Helping Others Heal
Former Royal Navy Lieutenant Commander Jamie Leaper shares his powerful journey from military service to becoming a therapist - and why being part of the 20% of male counsellors is changing how men engage with mental health. In this honest conversation, Jamie discusses: • The reality of military-to-civilian transition anxiety • Why the "veteran" label can be harmful • How injury recovery challenged his perspective on heroism • Why men are finally engaging with therapy • The importance of aut...
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2 months ago
1 hour 17 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Are Men Okay?
Is there a Crisis in Masculinity? Elliot and James Penny from Flex Your Feelings podcast, tackle one of today's most controversial topics head-on! In this honest conversation, we explore: - Why modern men feel lost and confused about their identity - How social media algorithms are warping masculine role models - The shocking truth about what schools are teaching boys about masculinity - Why "toxic masculinity" is being confused with healthy masculine traits - The missing positive male role...
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3 months ago
58 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Labiaplasty - When the pursuit of perfection becomes dangerous!
Labiaplasty & Ozempic : Understanding the Surge in Popularity... Our resident therapist and coach, Fi, interviews Ceira Robinson, from London's prestigious Mayfair cosmetic surgery scene. Might Like this? https://youtu.be/pK6vVHyeWcs?si=hEY6cYBTGeo4VWd6 This eye-opening conversation reveals the alarming surge in cosmetic procedures, especially labiaplasty among young women, and exposes how social media pressures are driving dangerous beauty standards. The discussion also touches on emerg...
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4 months ago
1 hour

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Anorexia Survivor and Therapist Explains Signs and Help
How do we Understanding the Emotional Roots of Eating Disorders? You might like our other episode Infidelity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh-qO5lQg5U&t=1618s Elliot and Lauren explore how these disorders manifest differently in athletes compared to the general public, the impact of family dynamics, and the emotional struggles that often accompany these conditions. We highlights the importance of recognising the human behind the athlete and the need for healthy boundaries within...
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5 months ago
54 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Communication and Dating and what to learn
Expert Advice On Intimacy, Sex & Relationships. We discuss everything from dating, to love bombing vs limerence to conscious uncoupling. You may like 'Do Happy People Cheat?': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh-qO5lQg5U A conversation with sex and intimacy specialist Lottie Passell-Syms, hosted by mental health podcast creators James Penny and Sam Bell: Sam and James our the brains behind "Flex Your Feelings" and this episode reveals hidden truths about modern dating advice ...
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6 months ago
1 hour 35 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Can a MONTH Without SEX Spark Romance Again? From Room Mates to Romance
From Room Mates to Romance... How can we rescue the SEX and INTIMACY from a potentially failing relationship and rekindle the spark we're looking for into something even better! What if no sex leads to infidelity (https://youtu.be/Gh-qO5lQg5U) and, What if consciously choosing to pause your sex life could be the very thing that saves your relationship? Summary This week Lottie and Elliot explore the decline of intimacy in relationships, emphasising the importance of communication and t...
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6 months ago
37 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Do Happy People Cheat? Our resident sex and intimacy therapist shares all... Episode #023
Rethinking infidelity - part 2 ... Exploring the definitions, the dynamics of micro affairs, and the emotional and physical impacts on relationships. The thrill and dopamine effects associated with infidelity, link to Episode 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6JUnK131nI&t=1250s They also touch on the changing dynamics of relationships and the rising prevalence of affairs. In this conversation, the speakers delve into the complexities of infidelity, exploring themes of honesty, emotional...
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7 months ago
52 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Modern Man: A Therapist's Guide to Modern Male Mental Health
The hidden crisis of male mental health in 2025. From workplace struggles to finding authentic connection, we uncover why so many men feel lost today. You might also like: • Men are losing their masculinity #017 Today we sit down with BetterHelp therapist Richard Whitenstall. 🎯 In This Episode: • Why men are struggling to find their place in modern society • The impact of workplace dynamics on mental health • How autism and vulnerability intersect with relationships • Un...
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8 months ago
57 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Infidelity - The Many Faces of Affairs
📢 Episode 21: The Truth About Infidelity, Affairs, & Healing Relationships 💔 Why do people cheat? How does limerence (obsessive attraction) impact relationships? Can couples repair trust after an affair? In this episode of The Paradox of Change, Elliot Burgess explores infidelity, emotional affairs, attachment theory, and the complex emotions of betrayal. 🔎 Topics Covered: ✅ Types of Affairs: Emotional, Physical, Financial, & Online Affairs ✅ Attachment Theory & Inf...
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9 months ago
48 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
From Courage to Confidence: Lessons from 2024 on Therapy, Coaching, and Growth
“Change doesn’t happen unless you make it happen.” In this special year-end episode of The Paradox of Change podcast, Elliot, Lottie, and Fi reflect on the transformative journey of 2024, sharing personal stories, professional breakthroughs, and key lessons from their work in therapy, coaching, and business. From Fee’s leap into entrepreneurship and Lottie’s work as a sex and relationship therapist to Elliot’s insights into health and well-being, this conversation is packed with valuable tak...
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9 months ago
45 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Surviving Christmas and New Year
This week Elliot and Geri explore the emotional challenges many face during the Christmas and New Year holidays, particularly focusing on grief, family dynamics, and the increase in domestic violence. The discussion highlights coping strategies, the importance of support systems, and the need for self-care during this time. It emphasises the significance of reaching out for help and finding ways to connect with others, even amidst personal struggles. In this conversation, Elliot Burges...
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10 months ago
50 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Can We Be Friends With Our X Lovers?
This week, Elliot and Lottie explore the complexities of relationships, (can we be friends with ex lovers) focusing on themes of heartache, the importance of friendships, and the impact of childhood experiences on adult connections. They discusses the significance of letting go, the role of inner child work, and the necessity of building trust in relationships. Then emphasizing the value of authenticity and vulnerability in friendships and romantic partnerships, while also addressing the chal...
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11 months ago
36 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Men are losing their masculinity
This weeks episode, Rob Tearle shares his journey from being an engineer to becoming a therapist, highlighting the importance of addressing male mental health issues. He discusses the societal pressures on masculinity, the stigma surrounding therapy for men, and the need for male role models. Rob emphasises the significance of vulnerability and emotional well-being, encouraging men to seek help and embrace their feelings. The discussion also touches on the challenges faced during therapy trai...
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11 months ago
47 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
CONFLICT is growth trying to happen. Lets talk about defensiveness
Summary Elliot and Lottie delve into the complexities of relationships, focusing on defensiveness, communication, and the impact of generational trauma. They explore the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as identified by John Gottman, discussing how defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt can undermine relationships. The conversation emphasises the importance of empathy, vulnerability, and effective communication in fostering healthy connections. They also touch on the significance...
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1 year ago
38 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Why the F*CK would I talk about FEELINGS!
In this episode of 'The Paradox of Change', therapist Al shares his personal journey into the world of therapy, discussing the challenges he faced with anger, vulnerability, and the importance of building trust in therapeutic relationships. He reflects on the impact of fatherhood, the stigma surrounding men's mental health, and the influence of social media on modern relationships. Al emphasises the need for authenticity in therapy and the significance of maintaining mental health as a therap...
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1 year ago
1 hour

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Finding Hope in the Darkest Moments Episode
James shares his deep personal journey towards self-acceptance and love, defining love as unconditional acceptance of oneself and others. Challenges and Growth: He delves into a crucial turning point where he struggled with self-rejection, leading him into a dark place, and how he emerged by reconnecting with his inner child. Significant Insights: * Emphasises the importance of embracing the inner child, symbolised by keeping a photo of his younger self on his phone as a daily reminder. * Di...
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1 year ago
1 hour 4 minutes

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
The Road to Authenticity
Geri Carey shares her journey from business and leadership to becoming a therapist, coach, author, and academic researcher in authenticity. The conversation covers topics such as the transition to online therapy, the impact of AI counselling, the process of being cracked open, and the role of therapeutic coaching. Jerry also discusses the benefits of a person-centered approach in her work and how it has influenced her interactions with her family. This conversation explores the integration of...
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1 year ago
1 hour

The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Monogamy is a contract: friendship, intimacy and sex. When one stops, that contract gets broken. So what makes it acceptable to opt out of intimacy with your partner? In this raw and honest conversation, Elliot and Lottie Passell-Syms explore the grief, loss and identity crisis that follows when sex disappears from a relationship, and ask the difficult question: should you give him sex? This episode delves into the complexities of desire, power dynamics and the real reasons couples stop conne...